authorsnote: here we go

enjoy

songrecs: i'm kissing you - des'ree

To say it hadn't gone well might have been an understatement.

To say she should have expected their reaction, was hindsight.

Neither was useful to her now.

Now being, charging down the hallways of Hogwarts (after curfew no less!), after her two best friends, not daring to stun them or yell (because of said aforementioned curfew), but trying her best to stop them doing what they had immediately set out to do when she'd told them the truth.

Okay, perhaps she hadn't gone about doing it in the best way, asking them to meet her in the Common Room after dark, and then blurting out an abridged version of her past six weeks at Hogwarts, soul-bond, Draco Malfoy, Malfoy Manor, the Slytherins finding out before them, all smushed together as she babbled and twisted her fingers and her hair crackled.

Perhaps she should have rehearsed her words, had laid out exactly what had happened and how it wasn't anyone's fault, it was just the way things were now.

Perhaps she shouldn't have let slip her and Malfoy had kissed, or the fact that they'd slept next to each other.

No, perhaps if she hadn't been quite so free with the details (or quite so unprepared), she wouldn't be running after Harry and Ron as they ran to the dungeons (and damn their long legs), as she whisper shouted at them to stop being ridiculous.

Her words were unheard though as they hurried down the stairs, and goddamn their athleticism, she had to go slower than them so not to lose her footing, and by the time she managed to catch up with them it was too late and they were at the Slytherin Common Room door.

"Stop it!" She hissed at them as she caught up with them at the door, glaring at them both, Ron looked a bit nervous but Harry unphased by her glare, and just shook his head.

She was just thankful she'd left out the bit about Malfoy being a Death Eater, since he maybe kind of wasn't anymore (and she didn't even want to start sorting that out in her head), and chiefly it was not her secret to tell, despite what Malfoy had said about telling them everything, it hadn't seemed right to tell all of his secrets.

She'd just spilled her own.

"No Hermione" Harry whispered back, looking furious, "Malfoy has clearly taken advantage of you, or something" He insisted, and at that she had to roll her eyes.

"No Harry" She threw back, she may think of Harry as like a brother to her, but she was not going to let him win on this, she'd gone toe to toe with the infamous Harry Potter temper before, and she would again, "This is something we're both suffering" She insisted.

"Or so he wants you to think" Ron chose that moment to think, and to find his Gryffindor bravery as he too ignored her withering glare and instead turned to the Slytherin Common Room, "Right, so how do we go about getting inside"

As if by magic.

The door opened.

"Hardly thought this through did you Weasley?"

Oh god.

Oh god no.

The door opened, not because Ron asking it to had prompted anything, nor had Harry's glare cowed the door to open in submission, no, instead the door opened, as Draco Malfoy, Death Eater, Slytherin, Werewolf, and her soul-bonded (and they had no labels beyond that for the moment) stepped out, with that typical sardonic smirk on his face.

Oh fuck.

"Malfoy" Harry spoke first, and Hermione knew it was going to be bad as he screwed his hands into fists, wand clutched in one of them, "You've got some explaining to do"

"So, I heard" He said with a raised eyebrow, before he turned to look at her. It didn't escape her that he gave her the once over, not to check her out she had no doubt, but to make sure she was okay.

She knew, deep down, he would always make sure she was okay, and thus she worried this getting messy.

She had enough messiness in her life now, from multiple avenues, she didn't' need anymore.

"Heard?" Ron asked, and Hermione resisted the urge to cry out, this was going to be painful.

"From my dormitory Weasley" Malfoy sneered, yeap, this was going to be bad, "I presume Hermione told you?" He asked, tapping his ears as to indicate his superior hearing. And he'd called her Hermione; yes, this was going to be very bad.

Very, very.

"I tried" She managed in a whisper, trying to convey a look of helplessness, not that she'd ever try to be as such, but that was certainly as she felt now.

"Clearly" He drawled, reminded Hermione, as always, soul-bonded or not, he was still Draco Malfoy at his core.

For some reason that made her feel better.

"You've been taking advantage of her" Harry jumped back in, and his glare could surely melt ice, "Because of her grief with her parents"

"Grief?" He asked, practically ignoring Harry otherwise, which only made her best friend happier, "What happened to your parents?" He asked, and Hermione frowned.

"I had to wipe their memories" She said quickly, slightly thankful for delaying the massive blow-up she could see impending, but realising she was doing just that; delaying, she had no idea how to prevent it, "Because of their knowledge of Harry, because of…"

"Because of your family, death eaters" Ron cut in, and she knew he was mad on her behalf, so was Harry, but they didn't get it, she'd felt the same once.

But not now, not with what they'd been through.

"Watch it Weasley" He snarled, but then turned back to her, as if she was the only person in the room, as if she was the only person in the world who mattered. "I'm sorry" He said, to her, only her.

She had to remind herself it was the soul-bond, but that was getting bit by bit harder to remember, especially when he was looking at her with concern and had apologised of all things.

"Are you okay?" He asked her, and she watched Ron flinch in shock, Harry's eyes widened but settled quickly back in a glare, and he sounded furious as he cut in before she could answer.

"What do you care?" He said hotly, "Her parents are muggles, you think they are filth" She knew an apology wasn't enough for Harry and Ron, it had been for her.

But then, there had been more than just an apology, so much more.

And even she wasn't sure where she stood anymore.

"Watch it Potter" Malfoy repeated himself, and Hermione truly felt helpless, she knew Malfoy was showing plenty of restraint, but she tried to see it from Harry and Ron's perspectives, they didn't know Draco had changed.

Even she didn't truly know it, did it count that he no longer hated or was disgusted by her because of a soul-bond?

Did it count that he'd only turned against Voldemort because of her, and thus because of the bond?

Her head ached, and it all came back to prevailing problem;

What was the soul-bond? And what was them?

She wanted to separate them out, but both worried she couldn't, and worried even more so, that she didn't want to.

To say it was a mess was an understatement.

"No" Ron's voice snapped her back to the moment, "Regardless of your- whatever with Hermione" He said through gritted teeth, "Don't act like you suddenly think differently" He sounded angry, "You still hate muggles and muggleborns, you just have to not hate her"

She'd barely managed to explain the soul-bond before they'd stormed towards the Slytherin Common Room in a fury, but of course Ron knew of it.

And Ron's words … wasn't he right?

And that killed her.

Every time she'd ignored it, every time she'd pushed it away; the truth, it came flooding back to her, exactly as Ron said.

'You just have to not hate her'

That was what it came down to, and that was what she was apparently accepting? Tears pricked at her eyes, that this was the hand she'd been dealt, to be dependent on Draco Malfoy, who could only stand her, who only wanted to protect her because of a soul-bond, who likely without it would still see her as scum and a 2nd class citizen.

And for her, it had gone beyond the bond, she knew that now, but what about him?

"Shut up Weasley" Malfoy said, but she knew, he was many things, but not a liar, and even he couldn't deny the circumstances that had brought them together.

"Why?" Harry intervened then, hands shaking, "You know we're right, I may not understand this soul-bond, or how you've taken advantage of Hermione, but we both know you don't actually care for her"

"Potter" Malfoy said, and there was fury in his voice, enough to make Hermione flinch and draw herself out of her self-pity, even as it threatened to crush her, she knew that voice, knew he was close to losing it.

But she took a step toward him rather than away.

"The only reason I haven't attacked you is because of her" He pointed a shaking finger at her then, but she didn't flinch, even as Ron stepped back, he knew how serious this was, "I suggest you make yourself scarce before I lose control over the very tenuous thread, I am holding onto it by"

"Harry, Ron, go" She said, insisted even, steel in her voice, she quickly wiped away her tears and she knew she didn't imagine Malfoy flinch as he spotted her doing so, she took another step toward him, "Now"

"We're not leaving you with him" Harry insisted, and Ron nodded, though he'd stepped back, and tugged Harry with him, smart.

"Harry" Hermione said, exasperated, shaking her head, "I have to be with him, that was what I was trying to tell you"

"He's taken advan.." Harry began again, but Hermione shook her head, and this time her glare cut through as Harry stumbled, and she seized.

"No" She shook her head, and took a step back to Harry, she knew Malfoy spasmed, resisted the urge to pull her towards him, but instead he let her go.

"No Harry" She said, and turned to look at Ron too, and though she hated this, hated being so vulnerable, hated having to declare first, she knew she must, knew it was the only way this didn't end in a fight, didn't end in her having to choose.

Because honestly? She didn't know which side she'd take, and that terrified her.

"I need him" She insisted, and it must have been something in her voice that got through to him, as Harry slumped, eyes wide, nervous, her and Ron didn't look angry anymore, they looked scared. "I do"

"And I would rather die than hurt her" Malfoy insisted, and this time Harry's eyes widened for a different reason, "Would kill to protect her"

"Even your own family?" Ron sneered, "For they would still try to kill her, you know it, what would you do then?"

"I'd kill them before they could try" Malfoy said, and she knew he sounded uncomfortable, knew he hated the little control he had, perhaps there wasn't just one side of self-pity, "All of them"

"Then who's side are you on?" Harry asked, but he looked shocked now, as did Ron, and Hermione almost laughed, her friends saw her dilemma just as she did.

"Hers" Malfoy said then, with such gravity, such sincerity she had to turn back to look at him, and noted his eyes had never left her, "Always hers"

And that would have to be enough.

It was.

Ten minutes later, she'd somehow managed to convince Harry and Ron to leave them alone (after promising she had her DA coin on her and promising to meet them for breakfast in the morning and allowing both of them to make loud threats in reference to Malfoy before they'd finally left).

And she loved them for leaving, knew they only did so because of how much they trusted and cared for her (and perhaps were both a tiny bit scared of her glaring at them, and a bit disgusted by the idea of her kissing Malfoy), and because they wanted her to be happy, and because of what Malfoy had said about protecting her.

Happiness seemed far away though.

What she had with Malfoy wasn't necessarily happy, in some ways it was life affirming, in others it was the most passion she'd ever felt, but happy? There had been moments yes, but far more melancholy, and worry and fear.

And unknowing.

Something she hated.

But she can acknowledge things have been happier than before, easier than before, now she and Malfoy have reached something, her cheeks heat as she remembers his kisses.

The Common Room is empty as she enters, she is thankful for that, but feels completely out of place, she'd hardly ever expected to see the inside of Slytherin Common Room.

Well, almost had 2nd year, but had ended up with whiskers and paws instead, not that Malfoy ever needed to know about that.

"Wow" She managed, for as biased to Gryffindor as she was, and that she still felt Slytherin Common Room was a bit creepy, and far too green, she couldn't help but watch the fish swimming past, for they were under the Black Lake, and she grinned as a school of them swam past, blue, and green fish she had to resist the urge to run to the window and watch them.

"I'll try and smuggle you in when the Giant Squid visits" Malfoy mocked, and she glared at him, but he just laughed, wound his hand into hers.

Yes, happier.

"I'm sorry about that" She whispered as she followed him to his dorm room; another place she'd never expected to go, but she knew Harry and Ron needed time to cool off without her, and once she'd gone near Malfoy, she knew he wouldn't let her go for the night now, not as the slight ache that had began cooled as soon as she'd stepped closer to him.

They'd gotten used to each other and wanted to spend more time around each other.

And maybe that wasn't just the soul-bond and that cheered her at least a touch.

Malfoy just shrugged, and she was glad he didn't' mock or complain, once he would have, was that the soul-bond or just him being more mature? It felt impossible to separate it out, but she had to try, each and every time.

"Is this a good idea?" She asked as Malfoy cast a silencing spell on their shoes and led her up to the 6th year Slytherin Boys dorm room, now it felt like a terrible idea, but then she hadn't really thought about it (unusual for her), she just hadn't wanted to leave Malfoys presence, and he'd slipped his hand into hers and lead her, and she couldn't have let go.

Not wouldn't, couldn't.

"Do you want to leave?" He whispered, and she didn't need to shake her head for him to know she didn't.

Soulbond or not.

And so, she crept, as Malfoy opened the door. She was thankful to find the other 4 beds closed tight, and she could hear breathing, and a snore or two, and so knew as long as they made it to Malfoys open curtained bed, they were free.

She held her breath until Draco was pulling the curtains closed, casting silencing spells and making space for her on the bed.

"I didn't bring anything" She whispered, even with the silencing spells it would feel odd to talk normally, and Draco nodded – when had he become Draco again?

Quickly he handed her something, and she risked creeping to the bathroom, spells had to do with brushing her teeth, washing, and at least slightly taming her hair before she changed into what Malfoy had given her. He appeared next to her, brushing his own teeth as she emerged, and gave her a grin as he looked at what she'd put on, what he'd given her.

And that was how she ended up lying next to Draco Malfoy in the Slytherin Boys Dorm, dressed in his baggy Quidditch shirt, MALFOY now stamped across her back, the Slytherin crest on her front, next to him, who wore only his boxers and looked as content as could be.

And she wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

They didn't talk, though they had much to talk about, instead his hand found hers, and they curled into one another, and she knew, even as her eyes shut-

"Goodnight Draco"

"Goodnight Hermione"

He watched her, long after she had fallen asleep.

And she had never slept better.

now I really debated how I wanted this to play out, but honestly it felt better to do the conflict with draco now rather than drag it out AND the whole convo between hermione/harry/ron would have just been her trying to explain whilst they readied themselves to woop dracos ass, so this felt better

do let me know watcha think

more to come soon... and it certainly won't be the end of the conflict as more and more people clue in...

speak soon