authorsnote: monthly updates are on a roll, do enjoy
also if you're a dramione fan I just kinda rejuzzed (is that a word?) and updated my other main Dramione fic - Repay Your Debt, go check it out if you fancy it!
songrecs: don't blame me - taylor swift
She never thought she'd be having a debate after losing her virginity.
Because … she realises with a start, as Malfoy argues that absolutely not, they are not going to Dumbledore, that is what just happened, she lost her virginity, to Malfoy.
To Draco.
Because, she realises with a start, that is who he is now, to her, he is Draco, he is her soul-bonded partner? Boyfriend? That she isn't sure on, but she knows he is Draco, and he is hers.
There is still a lot to understand, a lot that makes her want to cry, and a lot more that makes her want to kiss him, but for now, she manages a small smile, even with all of the problems they have to confront just now, nevermind overarching, she manages a smile.
For she does feel happy, just a little, under the layers of angst and worry and pain, there is happiness, a happiness she'd never known in this context, and it feels good.
"What?" Malfoy asks, breaking his stream of consciousness as he looks at her.
"I just … nothing" She says hastily, for now is not the time to go moon-eyed, there might not ever be a time, especially as she looks at Draco again, at that golden gaze that has not faded, at the golden glow clinging to him, golder, brighter now, yes, they have more immediate issues to address than her feelings.
"I just don't know what else to do" She says, she is now cross legged with Malfoys shirt on and his jumper over her legs, Malfoy is propped up against the wall, shackles on just in case (though it is nearing 3am, and she knows there is no risk of him changing now), shirtless with his trousers on but unbuckled. He looks very tempting, but she tries to control what she thinks is a mixture of teen hormones and soulbond desire and carry on with their current problem.
"We have ran out of sources of information" She says biting down on her lip, "We've read all the books, you know we can't talk to Greyback, who else do we go to?"
"I am not going to Dumbledore" Draco insists, "I don't want him meddling"
"Meddling with what?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Meddling with us" He says as though its obvious, "I don't need him trying to take the Gryffindor Golden Girl out of the arms of the teenage Death Eater" He doesn't sound mocking this time, just bitter.
"As if I'd let him" She says with nonchalance, "We may not know much about each other, really, but I'm not ordered around easily you know"
"Oh, I know" Malfoy says, smirking this time, "But I still don't trust him"
"Then who?" She says with a frown, mulling over in her mind before it comes to her, or comes back, she'd thought of it once before, she still feels reluctant, she doesn't know him that well, but they are running out of options, or rather have ran out of them.
"I should write to Professor Lupin" She says with a nod, yes, as awkward as it feels she knows it is their best option, they need answers after all.
"Oh God" Malfoy replies, tipping his head back against the wall, "If Dumbledore would try and pull us apart, I'm fairly sure if Lupin and the Weasleys and your Order find out about us they might actually murder me"
"I wouldn't let them murder you" She says with a roll of her eyes, she'd known Malfoy was a drama Queen, but truly she is realising he might be more so than anyone she knows, she's tempted to tease him for it but instead she just laughs, "And if they did, I promise I'd avenge you"
"I'd expect as much" He sniffs mockingly but Hermione grins at his joke and he smiles back. "Maybe not murder but I'm sure some torture will be involved" He mocks again, and she can't help but giggle.
She likes his smile, a lot, prefers it vastly to his smirk. Malfoy… Draco, she has realised has a good sense of humour, he's funny and has a nice laugh, she likes to hear it. It is evident she likes a lot about Draco, a lot more than she might even be admitting to herself.
"But really" She says, trying to stay on topic, "We need answers, we've ran out of sources, and surely Professor Lupin will know something?"
"Will he?" Malfoy asked, raising an eyebrow that looked far too good considering he was shirtless and shackled, "He's never exactly embraced being a half-breed"
She glared at him for that, but he just shrugged, she left it though, for the moment.
"Anyway" She said with a final glare, "Even if he just knows a little more or has some books we haven't read, that's better than nothing right?"
She could see Draco debating making a snarky comment, but then he sighed and looked resigned, they were both lost in this, and both without answers. "I suppose"
"I'll send him an owl" She said with a nod, feeling a little better for having a plan, but nervous that it might not amount to anything.
"You should head back to the Castle" Draco said with a nod to the exit of the Shack, "Get some sleep"
"Please" It was her turn to scoff this time, as she turned to Draco shuffled up next to his side and with a boldness that spoke to her Gryffindor self, placed her head on his shoulder, "I'm not going anywhere"
And her boldness was rewarded as Malfoy adjusted and placed an arm around her shoulder, shackles, and all.
Come morning, this time they didn't get away with not being found. Well their luck had to run out sometime…
"Miss Granger! Mr Malfoy!"
Hermione was sure she'd had this nightmare … okay not this specific one of being found by her favourite teacher asleep with Draco Malfoy after losing her virginity to him, but she'd definitely had nightmares about being caught in a compromising position, though usually it involves failing a test too, that is by the by, compromising position it is.
And this was just that.
As she blinked her eyes open, she looked at how she and Malfoy had fallen asleep, relieved to have some kind of plan, but exhausted. She was cuddled into his chest whilst he was propped up against the wall, her head tucked under his chin and her arm around his waist, his arms held her close.
And that golden glow (thankfully not visible to anyone else) clung to them, and they looked like more than just two teenagers fooling around or even two teenagers in love. There was something connecting them, something tangible that this was more than that, evidently.
So much more.
"I have never!" McGonagall said with a shake of her head, "What on earth do you think you were doing Miss Granger? Sneaking out here at night! Breaking curfew and putting yourself in an incredibly dangerous situation!" Her Head of House seemed both furious and concerned for her, "What were you thinking?"
"I know I'd be fine Professor" Hermione said hurriedly, she quickly backed away from Malfoy, her cheeks flaming at being caught in only his shirt, and Malfoy shirtless beside her. He looked less embarrassed, and quickly went about unshackling himself, though she was sure she could see some pink on his cheeks.
"Evidently Minerva there is something more at play here" Oh god, she was going to die, yeap, bury her and kill her right now, was all she could think as Professor Snape rounded the corner with a sneer on his features, "Get dressed, both of you, 50 points from Gryffindor, and we expect to see you outside the Whomping Willow in five minutes, from there we will go to Professor Dumbledores office"
"And 50 points from Slytherin" Professor McGonagall followed up quickly, a glare at Professor Snape and Hermione was just thankful for the reprieve, "Or did you forget?"
"I was assured you would not" Professor Snape drawled and rolled his eyes before turning away, his cloak billowing as he did so, "5 minutes, or it will be 100 next, for both of you" A sneer and he was gone.
Professor McGonagall just nodded, and swept away too, leaving Hermione and Draco, pink cheeked, behind.
He was quite sure he was fucked, in several different ways, yeap, fucked.
First, he was about to be outed as a werewolf in front of Professor McGonagall, of course Dumbledore and Snape already knew, but he hated that there was further witness to his shame, though it occurred to him she had been concerned for her Golden Girls wellbeing, beyond her getting involved with a bad boy persay, perhaps she already knew, that would make sense and made him feel slightly better.
Second, he had no idea how they were going to explain this away without mentioning the soulbond, and a visceral, instinctual part of him was terrified to reveal that, a part he felt he should listen to. Being a half-breed had some perks, and unrelenting instincts that he knew he should follow was one of them.
Thirdly, he was doubly worried about this getting back to his parents, not out of embarrassment, but out of the very real fear that if his Father insulted Hermione, Draco might end up killing him.
Fourthly, Hermione was flapping as she dressed, quickly pulling on her school uniform, cheeks pink, a look of pure fear on her features, he knew she broke the rules often, but he also knew she hated and was terrified of getting caught.
"Hey, it's okay" He said in what he hoped was a comforting tone, for it wasn't okay, they were definitely fucked, but he'd do anything to put her at ease, her needs far surpassed his own, now and forever.
"Is it?" Hermione asked, brow furrowed, he felt an odd urge to kiss it and then checked himself.
There was so much unknown about them. She'd spent the night in his arms. He'd barely slept, always too high alert on moon nights, and so he'd spent most of it just holding her, watching her bury her face into his chest, her fingers curled in clinging to him, he was sure he'd never felt so content in his life, never so at ease.
He knew it was this soulbond manipulating his feelings, he knew none of this might be real, but he just didn't care, and it was real to him. He didn't care that this had turned all of his thoughts on its head, he didn't care that this might not be him, because it was.
He was a werewolf, he was soulbonded to Hermione Granger, he was no longer a pureblood, and had all but turned his back on everything his parents had raised him to believe, and he just didn't care. All he cared about now was Hermione, keeping her safe, making sure she was happy, nothing else mattered, nothing.
Even his own happiness paled in comparison.
And yet, he could admit, he had felt happy, as he'd held her, as she'd mumbled in her sleep, as he'd pulled her closer and stroked her crazy hair, he had felt not just at ease, but happy, truly happy.
When was the last time he'd been truly happy? He isn't sure he remembers.
"It will be" He said, almost like a promise, because it would be, he'd make sure of it, he had to, there was no other option with her.
"But do we tell them?" She asked, and he quickly put his shirt on as she handed it to him, his jumper too, and his shoes. He rubbed his wrists, the red rings around them standard for him now, cast a quick charm to freshen himself, ran a hand through his hair, and then turned to Hermione who was dressed too, her hair springing around her head, but he smiled, he found it cute.
And then there was that golden glow, he could see it clearly, swirling around her, it almost made her look angelic.
"How are my eyes?" He asked then, and Hermione stepped closer, he didn't flinch as she placed a hand on his cheek, in fact he leaned in, yes, he was gone.
Gone.
"Silver again" She said with a small smile, "Not gold"
"Good" He said, "Still glowing?"
"Yes, gold and bright" She stepped back then, and Draco resisted the urge to step towards her, instead he nodded. "Me?"
"Yes" He said, and managed a small smile, he knew he was fucked, but he didn't care, only Granger mattered, "Gold and bright"
"So, do we tell them?" She asked, as he stepped aside to allow her to move into the tunnel first, he followed close behind, "The truth?"
"Dumbledores probably guessed it" He said with a frown, he might have once been on the other side but he didn't deny Dumbledore was probably the most powerful Wizard alive on-par with Voldemort, maybe more-so, not a popular view in his circles, but probably true, he would be surprised if he already knew, was there anything the old Headmaster didn't?
"Oh god you're probably right" Hermione said with a frown. "So do we tell them?"
"No" He said quickly, as they made their way through, well aware if they didn't in the five minutes, Snape would probably drag them, "Lets see if we're right and go from there"
"You want us to go with the flow?" Hermione said, and he heard the panic in her voice, "Really?"
"I'm saying let's not play our hand" He said with a nod, and she seemed a little reassured, but he did take a minute to pause, and take her hand, bringing them level, though he still towered over her, "Lets just see what he knows, and then we can share or not share, though I'm guessing we'll have no way out of telling the truth"
"Surely the Professors are trustworthy?" She asked, and Draco shrugged.
"I suppose" He said, and they continued on, "But I'd rather not risk more people finding out"
She nodded at that, she understood, that if Voldemort found out, he could use this, and she also knew, he was sure, Draco would give his life, to make sure he didn't.
The walk to the Headmasters office had been nothing short of agony.
Silent the entire way, she had an urge to reach out for Malfoys hand, but knew she could do nothing of the sort, instead she walked with her hands clasped in front of her, behind Professor McGonagall as Draco followed Professor Snape, leading them to the Headmaster.
She was just glad it was early, 6am by one of the clocks they passed, and so the corridors were empty of students, she wondered as well if the Professors had ensured it would be clear.
She could feel Professor McGonagalls disapproval and Hermione was horrified at the idea of explaining to her Head of House that she was soulbonded to Malfoy, literally craved his company, craved to be near him, and now probably had legitimate feelings for him that were so confusing and so hard to separate even her head was in a spin.
And of course, there was the lingering embarrassment that both her Head of House and Professor Snape of all people had found her in only Draco's shirt, clinging to him, she was sure if she could die of embarrassment she'd have withered right there and then.
But now was the more immediate worry she needed to focus on, what would they say to the Headmaster? To their Professors?
Evidently all three knew about Draco being a werewolf, but she imagined none of them knew about the soulbond, the shock on her Head of Houses face had been apparent, and though Professor Snape betrayed nothing (and that was hardly surprising), she couldn't imagine how he would know.
She glanced at Draco then, and silently nodded her head to Professor Snape and raised an eyebrow, hoping that would convey her question.
Surprisingly it seemed to, and Draco shook his head, of course they could be silently talking about different things, but she didn't think so. She wondered if that was the soulbond talking or not.
Either way she had to presume they didn't know, and though Draco was certainly right that Professor Dumbledore might have guessed, she agreed with him, better to wait and see if he had than to offer the information freely.
Part of her wanted to fall back on her old stance, of being a somewhat rule abider and telling them, but in truth she saw no benefit to it. After all, they'd decided she'd write to Professor Lupin, they had a plan and had agreed to it.
The less people who knew the better.
And so, she realised, feeling slightly queasy as the Headmasters office staircase came into view, she was going to have to lie, to not one but three Professors. The thought made her feel sick, but she wouldn't betray Draco's secrets, and they'd agreed after all, and she realised then she trusted Draco more than almost anyone, perhaps on par with Harry and Ron, it was a shocking realisation, one she'd need to think on more later, but she knew she did, and she knew she'd stick to their plan.
She still felt nauseous though as they approached.
And she wondered if it was the soulbond then, or maybe she was looking a little green as Draco took her hand and squeezed it before quickly dropping it as they ascended the staircase, and onto their fate.
But then, it couldn't get worse, could it?
Oh yes but it could, as Hermione resisted the urge to reach for Draco's hand again, as they followed their respective Heads of Houses into the Headmasters office, it really could, as she let out a squeak, as she was confronted with what was inside. She felt Draco stiffen beside her, and she credited is willpower that, that was his only reaction.
It could get much, much worse.
And had.
"Ahh Mr Malfoy, Miss Granger" Professor Dumbledore said kindly, dressed in magenta robes, he stood behind his desk and offered her a kind smile, "I'm glad we found you, Mr Malfoy, you have a visitor, and Miss Granger, she requested to see you too"
Nauseous had ramped up to feeling as though she might throw up, or faint, or both, definitely both, and she felt thankful when Draco seemed to throw caution to the wind and took her hand, pulling her closer, to widened eyes around the room, she was still thankful, otherwise she was sure she'd be on the floor.
As next to Professor Dumbledore, stood Narcissa Malfoy, a look that was a mixture of concern, disgust, and fear on her face, looking down at them both.
Maybe passing out had been the better idea.
can you say DRAMAAAAAAAAA
yeap the secret is getting blown WIDE open and the consequences that come with ... oosh, follow/fav to keep going with this crazy ride
I hope you enjoyed, do review if you did
speak soon