authorsnote: I actually loved writing this chapter
dramione love in full force
songrecs: down bad - taylor swift
Hand in hand, early enough that no one is around, Hermione goes to turn to the Prefects Bathroom, that was where they'd agreed.
But instead, Malfoy hand in hers, steers her towards a familiar place.
The Room of Requirement.
"I didn't know you knew about this" She said honestly, she has fond memories of the DA in the Room of Requirement, nearly laughs to remember Malfoy trying to catch them out here.
How much has changed indeed.
Malfoy just shrugged, but she wasn't sure if that was due to exhaustion or evasiveness, either way for once she let it drop, and instead followed him inside, he stepped in first, setting the pace of the room, and Hermione near rolled her eyes at the view.
It was almost entirely his bedroom at Malfoy Manor.
She snorted but didn't dispute his surroundings, after all, they were both tired, both needed sleep and to talk, and she hated to admit, as the scent of Draco hit the air, as she looked at the bed; identical to the one she'd shared with him, she felt comfortable here.
She also noted a copy of Hogwarts a History on the side of the bed she'd slept on last, and a cosy looking Gryffindor jumper, and was touched, that he'd thought of her, consciously or not.
"Come on" He said leading her to the bed, and when he sat down and held out an arm for her, she couldn't say no, she didn't want to, no part of her wanted to resist.
And so, she curled into his chest, just as they had been in the Shack, Malfoy propped up, Hermione curled around him, head tucked in, and for a moment neither of them said anything, for a moment they just breathed one another, breathed in being able to be together.
For that was where they both wanted to be.
For a moment there wasn't anything around them causing pressure, tension or worry. Malfoy didn't think of his mother, of how exhausted he was, of how scared he'd been when Hermione had arrived in the Shack and how relieved at the same time. He didn't think of his worry about his father finding out, of knowing if he said a word against Hermione he would not react well. He did not think of the even bigger problems on the horizon.
Hermione didn't think about her fears, about their relationship coming to light, for reasons of her own safety and Malfoys. She didn't think of the look in Professor McGonagall's eye, didn't think of the roar in her heart to find Draco in the Shack and how not only had she been powerless to ignore it but how she hadn't wanted to.
Neither of them thought about what was to come, of the dangers, of the questions, of how Hermione would be asked again and again if she was okay, if she was sure, of what was she doing? How Malfoy would have to face worse than that.
They didn't think of any of that, they just held onto one another.
And for a moment, in the comfortableness of it, in how close they felt, in how Hermione snuggled her head under his chin, and he pulled her closer, for once, he spoke first.
"Thank you" He said gently, tenderly, of something Hermione wasn't sure she'd thought possible, but there it was, and she found herself smiling, really smiling.
"Always" She whispered back, bravery for bravery, truth for truth.
"It was easier" She didn't question why he was confiding in her, allowing himself to be vulnerable, truthfully, she just lapped it up, even with the soulbond she knew Malfoy found it hard to let her glimpse his most vulnerable parts, him opening up was a gift. "So much easier with you there"
"I wish I could always be there" She said, she knew she couldn't, knew in some instances he would turn. She wondered if the bond would differentiate, she wondered if she'd be able to stay away from him, she wondered if she'd want to.
A problem for another day and one they both ignored for now, for now there was just peace, and neither wanted to break it.
"Thank you" She said, needing to get her own thanks out now, she even dared to turn her head place a kiss to his jaw, her cheeks pinkening, and yet he leaned in and that eased something in her.
When had so much shifted between them?
When had they let it?
"For what?" He asked, voice gravelly, deep, and she felt something tighten, ignored it, but her fingers curled around into a fist, into his shirt.
"For sticking up for me" She never thought she'd say that, but it had been true, more than once.
"Always" He said it without hesitation.
Two sides of the same coin now, one soul in two bodies, or souls connected, and yet as Hermione thought on it, she'd never admit the first sounded more true.
But then they'd soon find that out.
And more.
"Shall we sleep?" She asked then, for they were both tired she knew, something in her bones pulling her down, wanting her to fall into darkness, but she waited, waited for him, for his nod brushing against her hair, to know he was okay, as was so important to her now.
And then she closed her eyes, exhausted, content, something deep in her put at ease, an ease she could only feel in his arms.
She fell under, didn't see him wide awake for another hour yet, just reveling in her being in his arms, unable to quench a desire to always have her there, a need to make sure she slept soundly, a need to watch over her.
He even allowed the urge in him to brush his hand over her hair, sweeping over and over, patting the curls he'd come to adore, ever so gently, and it soothed something in him, something deep.
Until he too allowed himself to succumb to sleep, only at ease because she was with him.
Neither of them wanted to part. They'd skipped any meeting with their Professors, Hermione had wanted to go, but she had been fairly easy to convince that neither of them was up for having their relationship dissected, and for once Hermione felt okay about putting something off, for once she allowed herself to ease up on the rules, for him (she did ask an elf to inform Professor McGonagall with her apologies, she'd never be able to fully ignore a teacher).
For now, she didn't want to explain her relationship with Draco, she didn't want to be asked if she were sane, or what the soulbond meant or hear it pulled apart analysed and maybe not put back together, or not put together properly, damaged.
She didn't want to think about the racing, horrifying fear about the soulbond being taken away, about how something instinctual and deep within her revolted at the idea, how the idea of getting rid of it was abhorrent to her now.
And now even if it hadn't been it didn't matter. There was no getting rid of it at all.
And again, something deep in her hummed that she didn't want to get rid of it, how could one get rid of their own soul? Why would they want to?!
Instead, they spent the day not doing much of anything. The room provided books, reading material for their homework, and Hermione allowed herself perhaps her first lazy day ever since she'd arrived at Hogwarts. She flipped through Hogwarts a History, thumbed through the reading for Transfiguration and Charms (she could never fully let go), and didn't move so much as an inch far from Malfoys arms, a book in her lap, her head in his.
Malfoy read over her shoulder (something she found oddly, deeply pleasing), he read quicker than her, but didn't complain, ghosted his lips over her hair, his thumb swiping over her hip when he'd finished the page, a little routine, their little routine. When had those come about?
She'd flip the page, he'd finish it first, she'd read a passage aloud, he'd ask her a question on theory, and truly she'd never felt a connection like this with anyone.
That thought hit her as Malfoy called for a House Elf, and even though she disliked it, she ate the sandwiches the Elf brought them, drank pumpkin juice, all for the necessity of not leaving Malfoys side, that was more important.
They both needed this.
But the thought hit her, soulbond or not, hadn't she always wanted this? Someone who would read books with her? Debate magical theory? Kiss her hair and ask her what she thought of a certain wand movement or the development of Charms in the 17th century?
Something in her positively hummed for the intellectual stimulation, all in a boys arms. His arms.
Had she ever hoped to have this?
"I never thought I'd have this" She found herself admitting after they ate dinner, hours and hours later, so content in one another's company, before Malfoy pulled her back into his arms, where he seemed to like her most, tucking his chin atop her head, keeping her close and safe, and she felt it.
"Me neither" More honesty, more truth. When had the barriers melted? When had they allowed this closeness?
Was it the soul bond alone? Or more?
She so hoped it was more.
"I'm glad I do" She whispered, and she could feel Malfoy smile.
"Me too"
Smiles for both of them, more reading, his lips against her forehead, her fingers brushing over his wrist, and that ever golden glow around them brightened just a fraction.
Later that night Hermione slept, he held her.
Ever since he'd become this thing, this animal, he'd struggled to sleep more than an hour at a time, more than a few hours a night, until Granger had turned that upside down, until she'd turned everything upside down.
He still remembers that first night, falling asleep hand in hand in the library, feeling like a new man upon waking, feeling rejuvenated like he hasn't in years. Catching her gaze, catching her eye and nearly fucking drowning in it…
There is no one now who can make him feel like that but her.
It had almost been like a swooping sensation, the first tug in the stomach before apparating, deep and instinctual, a need, to look in those eyes, even if he lost all air in doing so, even if he near died, it was better than not being with her.
And earlier today, her kindness, would he have been that kind had the roles been reversed? He swallows down the bile in his throat, tries never to think of how he would have been had everything been reversed, wants to claw at his own chest at the thought.
He knows he won't sleep tonight, not for more than an hour, not when he could be looking at her instead, hearing her breath, keeping her safe. Its not just the monster inside of him being so awake and alert he can't hope to fall asleep, but its these instincts, crawling under his skin like they've invaded his very blood, his fucking bones. He can't sleep when he isn't with her, knowing she's safe, feeling her breathing next to him, sensing her close, but even with her here, in his arms, breathing steady and even, he doesn't want to sleep, he wants to give into that deep instinctual part to just be with her, to hear her, hold her, know she's safe and well, and his.
Even when they've slept next to one another, either across the library table, or in his bed, or those magical moments in the Shrieking Shack, he's always been half alert, even in slumber, its hard to explain, but this is different. Her in his arms allows him to sleep, but also makes him not want to.
All he is now is about protecting her, keeping her safe, keeping her happy.
He hadn't anticipated the last bit.
He had known the second the bond hit, that was it for him, there would be no one else, he would kill to protect a girl he'd once looked down upon, had hated and been disgusted by. He would kill anyone who dared harm her, he just hadn't realized what else there would be.
It wasn't just about protecting her in a physical sense, or being tied to her for life, no the bond, whatever made it, was more complex than that.
It was needing to keep her happy, wanting to keep her happy. It was Grangers … Hermiones smile when she looked across at him, and wanting more than anything to make sure she was always smiling. To make her laugh, grin, giggle, even snort. He wanted her to always be smiling around him, felt a cold pit in his stomach when he remembered her fainting in his arms just because they'd argued, vowed never to hiss or raise his voice even near her again.
She was everything, everything important, and everything that meant something to him. He paled next to her.
It had made things simpler, and he hated to admit but it made this halfbreed thing easier. It was something to focus on, something more important than being made into a werewolf, something more important than being less. He was hers now, he had a responsibility, a purpose.
A purpose, and it was her, only and always her.
Always.
It was really that simple, at least the one simple thing in his mind. Of course, the reality of it made everything less simple, what he would do in the upcoming war, or no … how he would do it.
His allegiance lay with Granger, which as much as he hated it, meant he was to side with Potter; what other choice did he have? He'd never stand with the Dark Lord, had already been soured on the idea after taking the Mark, after realizing his childhood belief would see him tied to a madman, but now with Granger? It made it easy.
He was on her side, his family, his alliance, everything else came second, everything.
The logistics would have to come next, how to detach himself from a madman who'd kill him and everyone he loved for the grievance, for now, he could hide in Hogwarts, for now he could fail the task given to him, for now he could get to the end of the school year, and then … then he didn't know.
He just knew it started and ended with Granger, everything did now, his entire world, she was at the center of it.
That thought allowed him to close his eyes, and with Granger, Hermione breathing comfortably, alive, well, his, in his arms, he could sleep too.
not much plot development I know but this is needed, their connection continues to deepen
next we do meet with the professors and hermione/draco have to confront just how messy the future is looking
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