A Chance for a Better Life
Chapter Sixteen
A week after everything went down at Bitterman, Jamie was officially approved for full duty. He was ready for things to get back to normal, and then he would remember Vinny. At that point he knew things wouldn't go back the way they were.
Frank was worried about his youngest son. He had been so busy when things were happening at Bitterman that he had ignored Jamie. It wasn't intentional, but it had happened. Danny had been checking on Jamie, but they didn't always have the best relationship.
Danny has had more partners than he could count, but he'd been fortunate and none of his partners had been killed on or off duty. They all had left him because they couldn't stand working with him after so long. Frank loved his son, but he couldn't imagine being his partner.
When the idea of a family vacation arose, everyone was on board including Jamie. He thought getting out of town would be good, but recent events would make his much-needed break impossible.
"Hey dad." Jamie looked exhausted as he walked through the door for a mid-week dinner with his dad and grandfather.
"Jamie, I'm glad you came out tonight."
"Yeah, you are now, you won't be soon."
Henry walked in the living room happy to see his youngest grandson, but that happiness waned when he saw how tired he was.
"There isn't any reason that would make us sad that you're here. Now tell us what's going on." Henry never understood how any of his family could think that he or Frank wasn't happy to see them at any time.
Jamie removed a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to his dad. "My vacation was denied. Renzulli told me that we are right at minimum manning numbers."
"Oh Jamie. We will miss you next week. Is there any chance you could get a couple of days off?" Henry asked. Jamie needed the time off more than anyone else in the family.
"No, I asked, and dad I know you can't do anything, and I don't want you to do anything."
"Jamie, you know normally I wouldn't, but you need this break."
"No special treatment. Renzulli said I can take some time off after the academy graduation. I'll go to Cali and visit some friends from law school."
"As long as you take a break." Frank worried. This vacation was supposed to be the entire family.
"I will. I wish I could go; it just didn't work out this time."
"You have three years of vacation. You better use some at some point kid." Henry laughed.
"It's not that far, I'll see if I can work the early shift Friday and then I'll be there for the weekend. It's a short drive." Jamie smiled.
"What if you did that both weekends, but the last weekend take the train and then you can ride home with us?" Henry liked this idea.
"I can try and swing for that. Dad, I gotta pay you for my room then."
"No, don't worry about it. Just come up and spend as much time with us as you can."
A couple days later the family was packing up and getting ready to leave. Danny was very ready for this vacation.
"Where's the kid. I'm ready to get this vacation started."
"He couldn't get the time off. He'll drive up after tour tomorrow and stay until Sunday and then next week he'll do the same thing and then come home with us."
"Grandpa, couldn't you give Uncle Jamie the time off?" Jack wondered. He wanted his favorite uncle on vacation with them. He knew they'd always have someone to play with as long as he was there.
"There wasn't anything I could do, Jack, but Jamie will be there tomorrow until Sunday."
"Okay, if we are not waiting on the kid then let's go." Danny frustration was out, and Linda knew the drive wasn't going to as much fun as they thought it would be.
Jamie ended up working a double on Friday and wasn't able to make it, but he was there early Saturday morning so he could fish with his dad and grandpa.
"Wow, Jamie. I can't believe you made it." Henry checked his watch. It was six-thirty in the morning.
"And miss fishing with my two favorite guys." Jamie smiled.
"But you worked a double yesterday." Frank was looking over his son over carefully.
"And then I went home and went right to sleep."
"You do look better rested, which is good because we moved the family photos up to today."
"Great." Jamie laughed.
The next two days were spent eating good food, playing with his niece and nephews on the beach and a vacation friendly family dinner before Jamie made his way home so he was ready for his next tour.
While his family was relaxing and enjoying their time by the beach he was working, and it was as if the universe knew if he had time to think he's get lost in memories. He was still grieving, and dealing with all of the emotions that came along with it. Wednesday afternoon sucked. There wasn't any other way to describe it. He and Renzulli were the first to respond to a large bar fight. The call had only come in five minutes before they got on scene and fifteen people were already involved. Beer bottles had been broken and were being used as weapons as well as anything the bar patrons could find. Renzulli immediately called for backup and as many units as they could spare as well as crowd control. Jamie and Renzulli were both black and blue holding off the two instigators as best as they could.
Hours later Jamie and Renzulli were on their way back to the 12th after spending some time at St. Vic's getting checked out.
"Reagan, the Captain called while we were getting checked out, and we're off until Monday."
"Really, what happened to being short staffed? I know I don't look great, but I'll be fine to work."
"Cap said he requested back up from the surrounding area. Don't worry kid. I'm gonna relax, you should too."
"Gottcha Serge. See ya next week."
Jamie took his time getting back to Quogue. He knew the family was having a nicer dinner at one of their favorite places and he didn't want to intrude, so he stopped and grabbed some seafood on his way up.
Jamie was sitting on the porch reading his newest book just relaxing and listening to the ocean when he heard his family arrive.
"Uncle Jamie's car is here! Where is he?" Nikki yells and starts looking around the house.
"I thought Jamie couldn't come back until Friday?" Henry's voice is full of worry.
"I didn't get a text from him, but he knew we were busy today."
Erin was trying to keep up with her daughter. "Nikki, he's here somewhere, he might be walking on the beach. Just settle down."
"Sorry mom." Nikki understands her mom's thought process but wants to find her uncle. Her life was always better when he was around.
"Francis, he's reading on the back porch."
"Jamie, what are you…" Frank has to stop when he saw Jamie's face and chest. "What happened?"
"Bar fight, I was checked out at St. Vic's, and other than some bruising and cracked ribs I'm okay. I'm off until Monday. It really does look worse than it is." Jamie smiled. He'd taken his pain medicine when he arrived.
"How's Renzulli?" Frank wondered if his office would need to be involved. Maybe he should call Garrett.
"About the same as me. He's off too, and is almost as bruised as I am. I went in first to try and stop the fight while he called in backup. Everyone involved is either in the hospital or central holding."
"As long as you're okay. Did you eat?"
"Yeah, I stopped on my way. Nikki's been keeping me updated on the events of the week so I wouldn't miss anything."
"Ok good. We were gonna take the boys out fishing tomorrow morning. Want to come?"
"Is Danny coming?"
"No. He and Linda are gonna just relax in a quiet house and sleep in."
"I'm in."
"Alright, good. We leave at six." Henry disliked why his grandson was able to finish off their vacation but loved that he was with them.
Jamie was happy to be back with the family. His one hope was that he was busy enough to keep his mind off reality. He could imagine what Vinny would say knowing where he was. Hell, he'd be calling him each day trying to get him to ask a girl out or something anything to get him to have his own kind of fun. Jamie was so lost in thought that he didn't hear Erin come out onto the patio.
"I'm so happy you're here baby brother." Erin gave Jamie a gentle hug.
"Thanks. I am too. Did you have fun today?"
"It was a good day. I think I need to take more vacations. It's not like I don't have the time."
"I think we all need to, but I doubt we will except maybe Danny and Linda. Linda's good and making Danny take a break."
"Jack wanted me to step back and take more breaks. He thought I worked too hard. He understood the toll the job takes."
Jamie was just watching Erin and knew her motherly side was coming out.
"Do you think he was right?"
"Maybe, but don't tell him that. It has got me thinking about Nikki."
"We do know what it's like. I mean we're all a product of how we grew up, and we were raised in a house where you worked hard and there really wasn't another way."
"Yeah, and there isn't anything wrong with that, but we all had something that Nikki doesn't and that's two parents who are involved in their lives. Erin, there's only so much you can do as a single parent and that's okay."
"I know that, and it's easier said than done. Now, what about you, is the 12th really that busy or are you requesting these shifts, so you don't have to face reality?"
"Erin, you do realize that even though we took down Los Lordes that we didn't get all of the gang members out of Bitterman, and there's already been whispers of new gangs starting."
Erin shook her head. Jamie was only a beat cop. These were not his concerns. "I know, but you need a break, or a new start."
"Erin, I already did the new start, and I like where I am. I knew coming into this that it would be hard, but life is hard."
"Life is harder for some people than others." Jamie knew and understood this concept better than many others, including many others in his own family.
"Yeah, and you've had your share of adversity. I just want you to catch a break. You deserve it more than anyone I know."
"And I got it when I became a Reagan. Erin losing Vinny wasn't easy, but it would be a lot harder if I didn't have all of you for support. Now can we drop this line of questioning. I really just want to have some fun. I think I've earned it."
"Yes, yes you have." Erin laughed a little, happy to see a happier side to her little brother.
The next morning the boys run and give Jamie a big hug. They were looking forward to fishing with their grandpa and great grandpa but knew it would be more fun with their Uncle Jamie.
Danny reacted just like Jamie thought he would when he saw his current condition. Linda was much sweeter and caring.
"You got checked out?" Linda worried.
"Yes, and I'm fine, nothing to worry about Linda."
"You didn't look fine when my kids made you wince. Shouldn't you be in bed or better yet still in the hospital?" Danny sneered so he didn't show his own worry and concern.
"I was checked yesterday at St. Vic's. I'm off until Monday. It's all good."
"Okay. We will talk later."
"Not if it's work related. Jamie is officially on vacation however it came about, doesn't matter, but the same rules apply. No shop talk." Linda glared at Danny giving him no choice but to back down.
"All of you guys have fun. We may or may not be here when you get back." Danny waved at his family.
Frank, Henry, Jack, Sean, and Jamie all had a great time on the boat. Jamie caught three fish, the most of the group. Frank wasn't surprised. Jamie was always the most patient and had a real talent for fishing since he'd taken him the first time when he was seven right after he'd arrested his birth father.
Frank loved seeing Jamie spend time with his niece and nephews. Jamie and Danny approached the world very differently, and it was obvious how his grandsons reacted to both of them. He always laughed when the boys called Jamie the fun uncle because he knew that Jamie required their homework to be done, and that they be in bed at or before their bedtime when he babysat.
Jamie and Jack had a great relationship, but there was something special about Jamie and Sean's relationship. They were both the youngest of their generation and in some ways were treated the same. Despite being an adult, Jamie was still treated like a kid despite living through more than his older brothers and sisters.
Jamie had spent the day showing Sean what to do. Sean had somehow acquired Jamie's patience and it was great to see. Sean caught two fish while the others caught one. Both boys fell asleep on the way back to the house. Jamie liked their idea and was planning on a nap after he got both of the boys up to bed. Frank and Henry agreed.
Jamie loves his time with his nephews. Now he just had to work on getting along with their dad better. When Jamie woke up from his nap, he had a few missed text messages.
Dana: Heard you had a rough day. Let me know when we can get dinner again.
Eddie: Are you okay? I ran into Atwater, and he told me what happened. If you need anything, please let me know.
Jamie smiled thankful for his friends.
Reply to Dana: I'm out of town until Monday. Maybe next weekend. But I have a couple shifts with Homeless Avengers next week.
Reply to Eddie: I'm good. I was checked out and I decided to join the family vacation for the rest of the week. I know we have a couple shifts with Homeless Avengers next week, but would you want to get dinner or something?
Jamie decided that since it was a family vacation, he needed to join the family.
"Hey kid, do you feel up to tossing the ball around?" Danny yelled as Jamie came out of the house.
"Yeah, who all is playing?" Jamie was looking around to see who was outside with Danny and the boys.
"Just us. Erin, Nikki, and Linda went shopping and to get something to cook with the fish you guys caught earlier today. The boys had a lot of fun and were glad that you went."
"I had fun too. Let's play." Jamie smiled.
Ten minutes later the boys were playing catch on the beach and Frank and Henry were watching from the porch.
"It's nice to see them like this. It's like when Danny would babysit Jamie."
"I hope this calm lasts longer this time around." Henry laughed.
Jamie and Sean were on one side while Jack and Sean were on the other while they tossed the ball between the four of them. It was obvious everyone was tired because it was a relaxing afternoon.
"Dad, I wish we didn't have to go home on Sunday." Jack screamed as he threw the football high up in the air.
"I know kid. I wish we could have a longer vacation too. Your Uncle needs a longer vacation."
"Yeah, I do, but it won't happen for a couple more months." Jamie yelled. "Be happy that I'm here now."
"That's true, but shouldn't you be sleeping or something?" Danny yelled back, and then started laughing.
Jamie took the opportunity to throw the ball at his older brother because he was laughing so hard that he couldn't see.
"Hey!" Danny yelled when the ball hit his shoulder.
Jack and Sean were laughing so hard they ended up rolling around in the sand.
The three played for another hour before it was time to clean up for dinner.
Jamie volunteered to cook dinner and Danny grimaced.
"Please kid don't kill us." Danny begged. "I want to survive till the end of vacation."
"Shut it. You guys go and get cleaned up and be ready to eat in an hour. Then it's movie night."
"Yay!" Jack and Sean screamed.
Jamie was busy cooking a lemon butter sauce for the fish, lemon garlic green beans and French fries. He was in his own world when he cooked because it was like being with Mary again. They spent a lot of time in the kitchen together, and it was made up some of Jamie favorite memories growing up. He made strawberry shortcake for dinner. While he was cooking, he was texting back and forth with Dana and Eddie.
Dana: I know you're gone until next week, but how does pizza at my apartment sound Monday after work?
Eddie: How are you doing? I hope you're relaxing.
Reply to Dana: I can't I'm working but thanks we'll figure out another day to hang out.
Reply to Eddie: I'm fine, and yes, I'm relaxing. My family wouldn't have it any other way. LOL
Eddie: LOL Hey I'm cool with whenever you want to hang out. I know you're busy.
Reply to Eddie: Thanks.
Dana: I'm flying out to Cali Friday, so it will have to be before then, can you make it happen?
Reply to Dana: How long will you be on the west coast?
Jamie was interrupted by Danny. "Hey kid, who's blowing up your phone you gotta cook, we're hungry."
"I can cook and text at the same time. Don't worry dinner will be ready on time."
"I got two growing boys. They get hungry."
Jamie laughed. "They do or you do?"
"Ha ha, they do. You kept them busy this morning."
"All we did is fish with dad and pop. Nothing crazy."
"Well Sean won't stop talking about everything that you've taught him. All he wants to do now is go fishing."
"That's what his focus is on right now, you know it will change."
"Your interests at that age didn't change, unless something's changed, you're still volunteering. You didn't do much else at that age."
"Yeah, I was in some clubs at school, and I'd started playing basketball then. Let's face it there's nothing normal about me too."
"Ain't that the truth." Danny laughed. "Need help with anything?"
"No. Now get out of the kitchen."
"Damn kid, you sound like ma. Okay, okay. It does smell good."
Eddie: Any chance we can meet up Sunday when you get home. Today was hard.
Reply to Eddie: Yes, do you want me to either bring food to your place or you can meet me when I get home and I'll have food with me.
Eddie: Can I let you know?
Reply to Eddie: Dinner's almost ready, want me to call you as soon as its done?
Eddie: Yes
Dinner was lively. Sean was telling everyone and anyone that would listen how he was able to actually catch a fish and much his uncle helped him. Sean dominated the conversation. He had Erin and Linda laughing so hard they were crying. Jack kept trying to talk about what he and grandpa did but couldn't get a word in over his little brother.
"Jamie, this dinner was really good. Is this what you cook for your dates?" Linda was curious.
"I haven't been out on a date since a little after the academy. I don't have time to date."
"Who's Eddie? She was at the hospital when you were shot." Danny was curious now. She cared for him; it was obvious to all of them.
"She's a friend that I met volunteering, and she's a social worker. We end up working some of the same cases."
"She likes you." Danny teased like they were still in high school.
"We're just friends. We both work a lot, and when we aren't working, we're volunteering. We hang out sometimes."
"Jamie, we all know how important it is for you to volunteer, but you have to have a life and be happy too." Frank always worried about all of his kids, but Jamie had gone through more than any of the other three combined before he was a Reagan.
"I am happy."
"But Jamie, don't you want to get married and have a family."
"No." Jamie knew it wasn't the answer that anyone wanted to hear, so he started clearing the dinner dishes and preparing dessert. He wasn't going to have this conversation in front of the kids at dinner.
Ten minutes later he had individual strawberry short cakes in front of each person.
"These remind me of grandmas strawberry pancakes she would make in the morning when I slept over." Nikki remembered.
"That's the first meal mom made for me and it's the first thing she taught me how to cook too. It's one of my favorite meals."
"How old were you Uncle Jamie?" Jack loved his uncle, but always wanted to know what his life was like before he became a Reagan.
"Seven."
"You were only seven. Mom, can you teach us how to cook?" Jack was excited. If Jamie did it, he could use that to convince his parents.
"Please mom." Sean echoed the same thought.
"We will see." Linda was surprised and worried. Danny could hardly boil water and she wanted him far away from her kitchen.
"Mom…" Jack and Sean sang in unison.
"We will talk about it later."
"Jamie loved being in the kitchen with Mary, and by the time he was nine he was making his own breakfast with some rules."
"If he wasn't doing that he was reading. He was the easiest kid in the world to babysit." Danny said through his laughter.
"Danny stop. Did everyone enjoy dinner?" Jamie asked looking around the room. He wanted honest answers.
"Yes!" All the kids said at the same time.
"It was a great dinner. Thanks for cooking Jamie." Erin wondered why Jamie didn't cook Sunday dinner more.
"Any time. I can cook tomorrow."
"We'll figure it out tomorrow. Jamie, why don't you go and relax. We'll clean up." Frank could tell how tired his son was. Despite how he looked it seemed like everyone was forgetting about his injuries.
"Thanks dad. I'm gonna go for a walk."
As soon as Jamie was far enough from the house, he called Eddie. After the dinner conversation he didn't want the family to hear his conversation.
"Hi." Eddie answered and it was obvious that she'd been crying.
"Hey, okay I'm here to listen or if you want me to drive home, I can be there in two hours." Jamie worried, Eddie didn't cry often so he knew it was really bad.
"No, stay with your family, I'll be okay."
"Hey, tell me what happened."
"I got a new case, a little five-year-old girl and her mother were beaten within an inch of their lives. You guys got the dad, but I don't know if it's too late for one or both of them. The EMT's got them both to the hospital, but Jamie, he hurt them so bad. What if the little girl doesn't make it. What if the little girl makes it and her mom doesn't. Her mom is all she's really gonna have."
"That you know of right now. Have you gotten an update on them yet?"
"No."
"Ed, how long ago was the call? It sounds like you're home."
"Six hours ago. I just got home when you called me. I spent three hours at the hospital and got an update right before I left."
"What was the last update?"
"That mother and daughter were both in the ICU, and you know I can't tell you anymore."
"Ed, hey I know that. Don't worry about what you can't tell me. They have your number and are supposed to call if there's any change, right?"
"Yes, they will."
"What's you plan for tomorrow?" Jamie was good and reeling Eddie in and getting her to think clearly again.
"My day starts at the hospital, getting an update. I have a meeting with both of their doctors at seven, then I'm going to talk with the detective on the case. The last thing I'll do is file a restraining order for them."
"Ok call me when you go and get a burger or steak sandwich for lunch and let me know how things are. I can come home a day early if you need me if things are not good, okay?"
"Thank you, Jamie. I'll call with an update. I hope you have a great night. I'm going to bed."
"Good night, Eddie." Jamie said while walking back into the house. He was so worried about Eddie he forgot the earlier conversation.
"Did you talk to Eddie the entire time you were gone?" Frank asked more curious than anything.
"Yes, she had a really hard day and needed someone to who would listen. She does the same thing for me too."
"I guessed that. Do you like her?"
"I do, but…" Jamie didn't know how to finish the thought.
"But what, Jamie? Talk to me."
"Dad, I just have a lot going on right now. It's just I'm still figuring things out on the job and what I want to be and what I want to do. I have my cancer check next week, and my birth dad is trying to get transferred back to New York."
"Which one are you more worried about?"
"Both, neither. I feel fine, so I'm not really worried about my doctor's appointment. I don't want him back in New York. I want to go undercover again. It was hard, but I loved it."
"You would tell me if you didn't feel good, wouldn't you?"
"Yes. Dad, I promise I would."
"Jamie, you know he's gonna have a hard fight to get back to New York. He was moved to Portland for a reason, and as far as I know he doesn't have any reason to get moved back."
"I like him being so far. He can't guilt me into visiting him."
"If he ever were to weasel his way back, you still don't have to visit him."
"I know, but you've all taught me more than anything family first, and I feel guilty if I ignore him. I wasn't raised that way."
Frank hung his head. There were things that came up with Jamie that they never had to think of, and Jamie was so quiet and easy going that he had a bad habit of assuming that he was just okay.
"He gave up his rights to you when he killed your birth mother. You don't owe him anything. I remember Joe telling me one time that you'd gone to visit him that you didn't want us to know."
"I didn't. Mostly you, you're my dad in every way and you've done more for me than anyone else I've ever known. I didn't want you to know and I didn't want anyone to think I was turning into him."
"Jamie, no one would think that you are turning into him. Remember I knew him, and I know you. You are nothing like him and never could be."
"I get angry. I have a temper. Grandpa likes to say I learned it from him and Danny, but I know the truth."
"And what's the truth."
"You would've never been called to the house if he didn't have a temper. I am half of him."
"Yes, if you had a DNA test that's what it would show, but you are your mom, through and through and beyond that you are a product of your environment. You're intelligent, kind, caring, and everyone gets angry especially seeing the things we see each day."
"Yeah, but I never saw you get angry."
"Because I didn't let you or any of your brothers or sister see it. Your mom would talk me down. I would yell and argue with your grandfather. My partners dealt with my anger too."
"We see Danny's anger about the job, but I know Jack and Sean only see it at Sunday dinner. That's usually aimed at me and Erin."
"Jamie, you are a really good person don't let someone else's mistakes decide your future. You are a Reagan, and you have been a Reagan a majority or your life. You know I'd never ask you to forget your birth mother, but I want you to forget Mason, he doesn't define you."
"Okay, can we just go to bed. I'm tired and the boys already asked me to go swimming with them tomorrow."
"Yes, and if you get tired pull them out and hand them back over to Danny. At this rate you will not get any rest at all before your tour on Monday."
"Okay, I promise I will. Good night dad, I love you."
"Good night, Jamie. I love you too."
The last three days of vacation fly by as they often do. Sean and Jack kept Jamie busy to the point where Frank stepped in and made Danny spend some much-needed time with his sons so Jamie could actually relax because Frank could see Jamie's exhaustion.
Sunday afternoon no one wanted to go home. Everyone knew that they would be going back to work the following day. Jamie and Danny were both working second shift on Monday, but Erin had to be into the office early.
Frank had a meeting with the chief's mid-morning and then a full day according to Baker. He couldn't get the thought of Jamie wanting to go back undercover out of his mind.