A Chance for a Better Life
Chapter Twenty-Six
It took Jamie another three weeks to earn a place in the gang. There were only a few positives now that he'd been brought into the gang. One of them was that he was close enough to gain the information he needed, the second was that he was able to eat two or three meals a day. He had to laugh because they called them gang members, but Jamie could tell the difference. They were brought in for sacrifice. He and five others who had been homeless were chosen because they'd each completed a number of tests.
Jamie was hoping that he'd figure out what was going on before Christmas. This UC had been hard, and he was tired, and he just wanted all of these idiots behind bars. He'd decided that he'd schedule some time with his therapist after this assignment and talk to his family and tell them about why this UC has been so hard. It was time for him to let go.
Jamie learned what the five targets were a week before Christmas. He and four others were going to be planting bombs at five different places. One of them was the 7-6 precinct, another was St. Victor's Emergency room, the third was the Brooklyn courthouse, the fourth was a specific fire station and the last was one of the last subway stops between Brooklyn and Manhattan. All of the bombs were planned to be set off fifteen minutes apart. They wanted the authorities to know who they were and that they couldn't be stopped. What he didn't know was that there was a sixth bomb that was being sent to the soup kitchen where they were all supposed to meet once the jobs were done. The gang was planning on killing everyone who helped them plus many more as the soup kitchen always had the most volunteers and guests at Christmas.
The gang's worried that someone around them may turn them in. They know what they're doing is high stakes and will kill a lot of people, so no one was allowed to leave until it was the day of the attack. Jamie had been able to let Mark know what's going on and they were going to arrest everyone at the soup kitchen that night.
Jamie was able to get away after he did his drop. That wasn't the initial plan, but he needed to meet up with Mark and the other guys from his intel unit. His instincts had kicked in and he knew something wasn't right, but he couldn't pinpoint what it was that was bothering him.
"Mark, I know that we didn't plan for it, but we need to have bomb squad at the soup kitchen, and we should have some officers working plain clothes on the line. I know it will be obvious if we evacuate."
Mark watched Jamie carefully. This would take a lot of manpower to make this happen and there wasn't an endgame if it went wrong. "Have you heard anything for sure about that this is going to happen?"
"No, but they're hiding something, and we were promised full membership into the gang, ending the day at the soup kitchen seems off. They should be taking us back to their hideout."
"That would make more sense or meet at another secret location in case we were following anyone. Okay, I'll get teams out there."
Jamie was thankful that his partner listened to him and trusted his gut. "Thank you. Okay, I have to go."
Jamie disappeared out into the night.
The rest of the Reagan's decided to spend a quiet night at home. Danny had been asked to work but declined because he was leaving to pick up the boys for the week between Christmas and New Year's. He didn't want to chance getting caught up in something. Frank was really proud of his son for turning down the overtime.
It wasn't until noon the next day that Jamie was able to go home. He'd spent all night with Mark and other officers in his intel unit going over all of the evidence that he'd been able to collect, and making sure it was all properly taken care of. Jamie was exhausted, and he needed a good meal and an hour-long shower.
He knew Eddie was at work, and that Danny was on the road, so he'd have a few hours of quiet time to himself. He needed that time to deal with all the memories that came flooding back during the assignment.
Jamie decided to sleep for a few hours before he walked down and got the mail. The mailbox was full. He wasn't surprised. It had been a busy year for both of them.
When he got back up to his apartment, he went through all of it. He had three letters from the Oregan Department of Corrections addressed to him. There was only one person that he knew would be writing to him from there. Mason. It had been years since he'd heard from Mason. He thought or hoped that he'd never hear from him again, but logically knew that wasn't realistic.
Jamie,
Son, I know that I've made mistakes in my life, and I know that I can never apologize for what I've done. Last month I was diagnosed with late-stage cancer, and I was told that I only have a few months to live. I know that you moved me because of your work, and I won't compromise your work if you allow me to return.
Jamie had to stop reading. The letter was making him so upset. This was the last thing that he needed. He'd just relieved enough of his past without coming home to a letter from Mason that he obviously didn't write.
I've spent my entire life in New York, and I want to die there, and I would like to see you again. Please let me know your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Your Dad
The next two letters had the same sentiment to them. He took the time to read them but knew that he couldn't think about anything from his past. He knew that reality wouldn't last long after Eddie learned everything, but for now he was going to read a book and wait for his smart beautiful wife to come home. The lack of sleep over the last couple of months really caught up with him and he was sleeping on the couch when Eddie made it home.
Eddie had another hard day, but this time she could see some positive progress. Her only wish for the new year at this point was that her husband would come home soon. She hoped it would be soon.
It was late. All she wanted to do was eat some of the many leftovers that Henry had given her the day before. He'd given her enough food that she wouldn't have to cook for a week, and that made her happy and thankful.
Jamie woke up when he heard banging in the kitchen.
"Hey babe." Jamie said with a voice full of sleep.
"Jamie! You're home." Eddie ran over and gave him a big hug, and she didn't want to let go because she was afraid that it was a dream.
"Yes, and I don't have any plans of being gone for a bit at least. We have a lot of paperwork for this bust alone."
"Good. I like it when my husband comes home every night, and guess what?"
Jamie just laughed. He loved his wife so much. "What?"
"I'm teaching Danny how to cook so that he and the boys don't eat out all the time."
Jamie just looked at her with wide eyes and started laughing at the same time. He remembered when their mom was trying so hard to get Danny to cook so he'd be able to survive on anything when Linda wasn't around. "That's great. I hope he isn't giving you a hard time."
Eddie laughed. "Danny's off this week. He picked up the boys today. He didn't give me a hard time because he knew that I wouldn't come down and help him if needed. We had no idea when you'd be home."
"I know, but that's the life of an UC detective. Let's eat and go to bed. We're both tired."
The next morning, they were both getting ready for work and had slept in and didn't want to leave the house. It had started snowing overnight and it was cold in the apartment. It was the perfect excuse to lay in bed and cuddle.
Danny knew Eddie had a bad habit of sleeping in, more so when it was cold outside, so he didn't want to pound too hard on the door. He'd send her a text and have her stop by the apartment on her way down.
"I'll be there in a minute." Jamie yelled to the person at the door, surprising his brother.
Danny smiled. His kid brother was home. He didn't even say anything when Jamie opened the door, he just gave him a big hug. Danny didn't want to let go because when he let go Jamie could get picked for another UC assignment.
"Hey Danny. Nice to see you too." Jamie wasn't expecting a hug. They weren't usually an affectionate family.
"I'm happy your home bro. You gotta work today?"
Jamie smiled and looked at his brother, it seemed as if he was still moving forward. "Yeah. I got home at noon yesterday. Ya know how it goes. Where are the boys?"
"Downstairs eating breakfast. They like the apartment. They love that there's a park across the street and that you and Eddie are so close."
"Good, what are you guys gonna do today?"
"I just picked up the boys yesterday. We're gonna take it easy today and maybe order in a pizza for lunch and watch movies and play video games."
"Okay, do you have something for Eddie?" Jamie saw the bag in Danny's hand.
"Yeah, we made breakfast burritos, and we made an extra one. We can make you one too, it won't take long." Jamie took the bag.
"Thank you. I'll make sure she gets it, and I'm good. Mark said that the Serge has breakfast for us this morning since the OP was so successful."
Danny was happy. Jamie hadn't lost a lot of weight, and he really did look good. "That's great. Lt. G never gets us breakfast."
"Well, there are a lot more people in your squad. We only have a team of eight."
"Yeah, but it would still be nice when we close a big case sometimes."
"Danny, I gotta go. I'll talk to ya later about coming and spending some time with the boys."
"Yeah. I need to get back."
Danny headed downstairs to his apartment. He'd call his dad once he had the boys playing against each other on a game.
Eddie was so happy for the burrito. She was starving and didn't have time to make anything before she needed to be at the office. She knew that the remainder of the week would be rough. It usually was, because stress was high during the holidays and those who took it out on their family members were more likely to act poorly. She was counting down the days until New Year's Eve when she would have a couple days off again.
Jamie knew his week would be more hectic than usual and he had a surprise for Eddie that he hoped she'd appreciate. He was always interested in what cases came in while he was under and which ones he'd get assigned. He hoped that there wasn't another UC assignment waiting for him he'd like to be home for a while.
After a long week Jamie and Eddie were finally off for the New Year. Eddie didn't care what happened as long as she wasn't called into work.
"Good morning, babe." Jamie kissed Eddie's forehead.
"Morning babe. I can't wait until Sunday. Your family will be so happy when we get there."
Jamie laughed but hoped that nothing crazy happened at dinners while he was gone. He knew how bad it could get. "We'll get there early. Who's cooking?"
"We are or I am, but you can help if you want. They didn't want me too, but I told them that I wanted to."
"Great! I'll cook. I love you."
"I love you too. Now what do you want to do for a couple days off?" Eddie wasn't sure what she wanted to do as long as they stayed far away from Times Square.
"I was thinking we pack a bag and go for a drive. Spend the new year at a quiet hotel and find somewhere nice to eat."
Eddie smiled. Jamie had something planned and she loved it. "That sounds like a great idea, but I shouldn't because I could get called into work."
Jamie took her hand and led her to the bedroom where he already had a small suitcase out and mostly packed himself. "Don't need to worry about that babe. I talked to Marie and found out that you've been on call most of the time I was gone. It's someone else's turn. Don't worry babe."
"Okay. I need like ten minutes to pack." Eddie was so excited. Yes, they'd just had their honeymoon not all that long ago, but with as stressful as both of their jobs could be she was happy to get away from the city for a bit and recharge.
Three hours later they were pulling into the small hotel. It was all decorated for New Year's Eve and everyone was happy and had already begun celebrating. There would be a champaign toast in the lobby later and they had a list of restaurants with special menus for the holiday.
Despite getting a full nights sleep Eddie slept half the drive to the hotel just because she was so relaxed with Jamie home. She knew he was careful and did everything possible to come home to her, but she always slept better when he was home, and she wished she knew more NYPD wives who had experience with their husband undercover. She'd learned that Jamie was the only one who did the long-term UC's and she just wanted someone who understood better.
Eddie chose to eat at one of the more relaxed places. She wanted to enjoy dinner with Jamie without too many distractions.
"What's bothering you?" Eddied stared at her hubby as they ate. "I didn't sleep the entire way here. I could feel you thinking from the passenger seat."
"I couldn't get my mind off of my mom during my last assignment. My entire first night my mind flooded with memories when we were living on the streets." Jamie watched Eddies face fall. "They were all good memories. I know that she hated it, but I was happy when we were on the street."
"As an adult you realize how crazy that sounds now, right?" Eddie understood where he was coming from but knew that he had to understand that wasn't alright.
Jamie just shook his head. "Yes, I knew then it wasn't okay, but we were safe. We couldn't say that in Bitterman."
"I know babe. You know that I know. Now there seems to be something else bothering you."
Jamie sighed. "I got letters from Mason when I got the mail yesterday."
"How many letters?"
"There were three of them." Jamie sighed again. This wasn't how he wanted this quick weekend away to go.
"Oh." Eddie had to think a minute. Jamie said that he hadn't heard from him in years.
"Ed, I'm gonna talk to my dad about it tomorrow after Danny takes the boys home. Can we please just enjoy the rest of the night and the drive tomorrow morning?"
Eddie smiled. If he was going to talk to his dad, he had things under control and he wasn't going to try and handle it on his own. "Yes."
The rest of dinner is spent talking about the upcoming year and laughing and enjoying being together alone. Although neither had any issue with Danny living downstairs Jamie had already gotten a glimpse to the reality that Danny was going to be over a lot.
"So, I'm thinking that we might have to do this more often." Jamie thought out loud.
Eddie laughed. She knew where Jamie's mind was going. "Yeah, but we can talk to Danny if he's over too much."
"But I don't want him to get his feelings hurt either. We'll find balance, but he needs to remember that we haven't been married that long either and we enjoy our alone time." Jamie smirked and blushed a little.
The night ended with ice cream from a local shop and then back to the hotel to ring in the new year. It was the perfect way to end the year.
The ride home was fun. Jamie was planning their New Year's Day lunch for the family, and they planned on stopping at the store on their way to Bay Ridge. Jamie decided he was gonna make a version of Shepard's pie but decided to use chicken. His mom would be happy because it was her favorite and that he was cooking for the entire family.
He was happy that the family was still at church when they got to the house. He could focus on dinner without all of the interruptions. Eddie was reading a book in the living room enjoying the quiet because she knew it wouldn't last long and she was right. The front door opened a few minutes later.
"Mom, you're being ridiculous. I missed one assignment, it's not the end of the world." Nicky yelled.
Erin took a deep breath and still had not seen Eddie sitting on the couch. "It's not the end of the world, but it's something that you can't let happen again."
While Erin and Nicky were fighting in the living room, Frank and Henry came into the house through the kitchen because the fighting had begun before church.
"Jamie! Your home!" Henry stated the obvious.
"Hey gramps. How was church?"
"It was good. I'm glad your home. When did you get back?"
"A couple days ago."
"We're glad that you're home son. You were gone a while on that last assignment." Frank knew he needed to go the cemetery and thank Mary and everyone that Jamie was home safe and uninjured.
"I'm glad to be home. This was a tough one. Can we talk after Danny and the boys leave?"
Henry sighed. "Linda called last night. Her brother and sister showed up and wanted to see the house and spend some time with the boys. She did promise that Danny would get an extra weekend."
Jamie rolled his eyes. "I hope he gets it in writing and specifies a specific weekend he wants."
"Talk to him later." Frank knew Jamie would be what Danny needed.
"It smells good in here. You mom would love this. You're the only one who can get close to her Shepard's pie." Frank loved when Jamie made it.
Jamie wished his mom was here. He always felt better talking to her about everything than almost anyone other than Joe. She'd be able to help him, but he knew that she told his dad everything. He just didn't want to deal with the disappointment again.
Despite everything lunch is calm and relaxing. Jamie wanted to ask how a school assignment came up while she's on Christmas break but decided against it because they finally seemed to stop fighting. He had a feeling that Nicky would text or call him later.
Erin was hugging Jamie so hard that she didn't want to let go. She'd never told anyone because she didn't want to add to any of their worry, but she had a bad feeling about Jamie. She'd had several nightmares that he didn't make it home and she kept seeing her dad give Eddie his flag. The worst part was that because he was part of intelligence the only one who ever really found out what happened was their father.
"Erin, I love you, but please let go. I'm good. I didn't even lose a bunch of weight this time." Jamie was struggling. He didn't understand. This assignment wasn't as bad as other's he'd been on, he was just gone a long time.
Erin was crying. "Don't do that to me again. You can't do assignments like that anymore."
Jamie was shocked. Erin had never reacted this way at least to him. He'd heard that she'd given her opinion to their dad, but this was new and a little unsettling considering Eddie was in the room. "Erin, I'm good. I'm good at my job. Please trust me. Trust me to come home to you guys, but please remember that this is my life, and this is where my heart is."
The tears will still falling. Erin was trying to wipe them away, but she couldn't get them to stop. "I know that you are, and I'm sorry. It's hard not to worry when we don't know where you are or what you're doing. I just want you here safe with us."
Nicky and Henry were watching from the dining room while Eddie and Frank were in the living room with them. Jamie wrapped Erin in another hug. "Erin, I know, and I always think about you guys when I'm out there. Can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah." Erin looked at Jamie wiping her eyes again.
"Let's spend more time together. You and I can meet for lunch or even cook Sunday dinner together. Can we do that?" Jamie hoped that would help. Since he and Eddie got together, he hadn't spent much time with his family. Danny was the only exception because of his current situation.
Erin smiled. Another thought she had was maybe she needed to talk to a professional too, but spending quality time with Jamie could help too. "Yes."
With a final hug, Erin and Nicky left for the afternoon. Frank and Jamie hoped that they'd take the afternoon to relax or do something fun.
"Dad, do you mind if Eddie and I stick around for a bit. I need to talk to you about a couple things."
"Of course not."
Eddie decided that was the perfect time to see if Henry would play a game of cards with her because she knew Jamie and Frank needed some privacy. Henry wanted to stay but knew that Francis would most likely need to talk after Jamie and Eddie left.
Jamie just sat on the couch. He wished that he'd grabbed the letters, but he didn't want them near him or Eddie while they were away. He'd get them to his dad later.
"Jamie, what's going on?" Frank could tell something other than Erin's outburst was wrong and the fact that Jamie just finished a big assignment.
Jamie took a big breath and closed his eyes for a moment.
"A couple of things actually. This last case was hard, and it wasn't just because the guys were bastards and had no regard for human life." Jamie stopped and looked at his dad. "Have you seen any of the reports?"
Frank knew where Jamie was going with this. He'd stayed late to read through the reports that had come since the assignment was finished. He'd had Gormley monitor the case until Jamie was out. "Yes."
"Before you and mom adopted me, I lived where I was dropped off, and this is the first time I'd ever had a hard time separating my past from my present on an assignment."
Frank's heart skipped a beat. This was one of his main concerns when Jamie had been pulled into the world of undercover work. "Did anything happen?"
"Nothing bad. I just had a couple days when I had a hard time getting out of my head, but I think it helped prove that I belonged on the street. All of the memories were good, and it made me miss her more."
"That's understandable. She's your mom and she kept you safe until for as long as she could. Jamie you've been ours since the day we brought you home, and we know we can never erase your past. Are you okay now?"
Jamie smiled. "Yeah. I worked through everything, and I felt better. It helped that we got the guys and kept New York safe."
It was Frank's turn to sigh. "Yes you. You and your team did a great job. What else is bothering you?"
Jamie put his head down. "Another ghost from my past only this one's more of a demon."
"Mason." Frank interrupted. "What does he want now?" Frank paused for a split second. "To come back to New York."
Jamie rolled his eyes. "Yes, but he's apparently sick. Pancreatic cancer, and he wants to die in New York. He wants to see me at least one more time too."
"How did he contact you?"
"I came home to three letters in the mail. He's gotten the warden involved. He didn't write the letter himself." Jamie paused and gave his dad a few minutes to think about everything he'd just said. "I don't believe anything the letters say."
"What do they say?" Frank had hoped Jamie had thrown the letters away or shredded them.
"That he's sorry for everything that he did." Jamie laughed, but it wasn't humorous. "I don't believe him. I know that he's just saying what he wants to get what he wants."
"That's probably true. Men like him don't often change, but sometimes when your time is short people see the error in their ways." Frank never thought that he'd say anything like that about Mason, but in the end if it wasn't for Mason, he wouldn't have Jamie.
Jamie wasn't sure that he'd heard his dad right. "He's a psychopath. He wants to come home to New York. He's not sorry he killed my mom or anyone. He probably regrets that he didn't kill me earlier because if he had he'd probably be free today."
"Jamie, you're right."
"What should I do?"
Frank watched Jamie closely. If Joe was here, he'd be worried Jamie was going to get sick because of how much stress he was under. "You know that I can't be the one to decide what you should do. I know bringing him back here is dangerous for you. There are things we can do to keep you safe, but you're safer with him out of state. What was the first thing that you thought of when you read the letters?"
Jamie paused for a few minutes. He wanted to find the right words. "That I don't want him back in New York. That I don't know if I want them to let me know when he dies." Jamie sighed. "And that makes me feel like a terrible person."
"But you're not. He abused you for years. I didn't know that you survived that second call that I took until Mary called me from the soup kitchen and told me that you were there."
"I know he's a bad person. I just don't want to think like he does. I know that I'm not like him, and I know that because I'd never be able to forgive myself if I didn't see him one last time. I've decided that I'm gonna go to Portland and visit him."
Frank hated the idea. He didn't want his son going anywhere near him. He'd be okay if Jamie never saw or heard from Mason again. "When do you want to go?"
"I'm gonna call the warden tomorrow. He asked me to call in one of the letters. I'll plan my trip after that. I know after being under for three months I can get a couple days off."
Frank knew Jamie would get the days off. "Call me after you talk to the warden."
"Okay. I'm gonna get Ed and we're gonna head home. Thanks for your help."
"Jamie, please sleep tonight. Don't worry."
Jamie tells Eddie all about the conversation he had with his dad on their ride home. Once they get home, they decide to order pizza for dinner and just relax for the rest of the night.
The next day Jamie and Eddie are both very busy at work. Jamie makes it through most of the day without seeing Danny. He finally got a break and went out to the back alley to call the warden. He knew it'd be cold, but he didn't care.
Ten minutes later he was on hold while he waited to talk to the warden.
"Detective Reagan, this is Warden Austin. Thank you for your call."
"I received the letters."
"Yes. Your father is very sick, and he pointed out that you have yet to visit him since he was moved here."
Jamie knew from the letters to expect something like this. "No disrespect Warden. Mason hasn't been my father since I was five and he tried to kill me, and then he tried again two years later after killing my mother. Frank Reagan is my father. He saved my life more than once."
Warden Austin wasn't surprised by Jamie's response but wondered how receptive that he'd be to Mason's request. "Understood detective."
"Please call me Jamie. Now I understand that Mason wants to be moved back to a New York state prison."
"Yes. The doctor gave him three months to live and with the exception of the last few years he's lived his entire life in New York, and that's where he'd like to die."
"That's understandable, but he was moved to Oregon for a reason and that reason has not changed. The move will not be approved."
"Okay. Thank you for the information. I'll inform Mason later today."
"I'll tell him."
"When?"
"Some time in the next few weeks."
"Can I tell him that you're coming?" Warden Austin knew that would make Mason very happy.
Jamie askes the Warden a few more questions before hanging up. He hopes that Austin respects his wishes and not tell Mason a thing. Austin had no idea what hell Mason had put he and his mother through.