now we start to more heavily diverge from canon. biggest change in this chapter is that Jackson doesn't leave so suddenly. he's still headed for Boston but it's more spread out and after Mer's back at work. thank you so much for all the kind words on the last chapter. they really do help keep me motivated when sitting down to write this!

i always appreciate any comments, feedback, follows, and faves!

6. no body, no crime

i think i'm gonna call him out

He was just watching her.

The TV's volume was turned down so low, Meredith could hardly make out what it was saying, even if she strained to hear. The hotel bed she was sitting on had one of those mattresses that were a tad too firm, making her limbs go numb if she stayed in one position too long. He sat next to her in a pathetic excuse for an armchair; his body slouched and stretched so far out, the middle of his head hit the top of the chair. A crystal glass of whiskey dangled loosely from his right hand.

Their conversation had dwindled a few moments before. Cormac never replied to what she'd said, and at this point, she forgot what that even was. His brow was relaxed, lips splayed in a lazy smile. There was a warmth to his gaze that Meredith wanted to bottle up and stick in her back pocket for the times darkness was creeping in too strong. Her own drink on the nightstand had barely been touched. The heat rushing to her cheeks made her want to grab it and down it like a shot.

Instead, she opted for looking towards the TV, brushing her hair off her face with a slightly self-conscious chuckle, "What?"

Cormac looked down, taking a swig of his whiskey before shrugging, "Nothin'. It's just been a while since I've seen you so at ease. 'S nice."

Meredith smiled, unsure of how to respond. It would've been easy to fall into a joking jab his way, reigniting their near-daily banter, but she wanted to stay in this moment a minute longer. She hadn't run into him until they were both returning to their rooms for the night. Leading to drinks in his room rather than in his office. It wasn't the first time it'd happened, but it usually wasn't as late it was now.

Meredith was pretty sure she didn't make up the almost-kiss in her head, but it'd been over a week, and neither of them had mentioned it. She wanted to but also wanted to see if he was going to first. Since then, the jokes had taken on a softer quality, more moments of gentle gazes when they would catch the other's eyes. He looked at her with an appreciation, like he was grateful that she was simply in the same room as him.

She wasn't sure what to define it as. It didn't seem platonic.

And she didn't exactly want it to be.

Cormac had been honest with her from the get-go. Games didn't seem to be his style. If she had thought it felt like they were teetering along the edge of something before she got sick, crossing over would just need the tiniest nudge now. But, Meredith didn't know if it was her right to push. She'd experienced those first steps after such a loss; he hadn't. Not yet, at least.
She reached for the remote sitting next to her, turning up the volume just enough so they could hear what they were saying. It was some low-budget comedy movie from the late 2000s that she remembered watching with George and Izzie one night when they were drunk off their asses. It wasn't terrible from what she could recall-not that she could recall much of it at all.

Meredith stretched out on the bed, so she was laying flat on her stomach, head propped up on her hands. Her drink remained forgotten somewhere behind her. Even though she thrived within the chaos of the hospital, being able to sit still in the air of mundaneness was a sweetness she didn't taste often enough. Her mind drifted, but she wasn't paying attention to any thought in particular. Her breathing became deeper, evening out over the passing minutes. Slowly her eyes fluttered shut, blocking out the antics paying out on the TV before sleep gently took over.

"-rey. Grey." A gentle touch jostled her shoulder. "Meredith?"

Blinking awake, Meredith flipped over onto her back, trying to take in her surroundings. Above her towered a very amused Cormac Hayes, who was clearly trying to repress a smile. She rubbed her eyes, "How long was I out?"

"Not a full hour. We both got paged, a trauma coming into the Pit. Figured we weren't too wasted to go in."

Snorting, she pushed herself into a sitting position, "I dunno about you, but I hardly touched mine. Shocking, I know."

"I was just nursing mine, so I think I'm alright."

Meredith swung her legs off the bed, letting them dangle off the side. Cormac was standing close enough for her bare feet to brush across his sock-covered ones. She looked down at their proximity before craning her neck up to look at him. His smile made her heartbeat just a little bit faster. Scrunching up her nose, she playfully kicked her feet at his shins, forcing him to move out of her way with a laugh.

She stood up, bones cracking as she stretched her arms above her head. Cormac was already across the room putting on his shoes, "Do ya wanna ride over together-save some trees?"

Meredith slipped on her own shoes, socks, and light jacket before nodding, "Sounds like a plan."

They arrived at the hospital just as the last of the ambulances pulled in. Cormac walked around to the other side of the car as Meredith was getting out, waiting for her before heading into the building. Ahead of them was Jackson locking up his car as they passed. He looked between the two of them and the single car they got out of, then started in himself, falling into step with Meredith.

Cormac wasn't paying attention, so Jackson nudged her on the shoulder, nodding back towards Cormac's car, a questioning look clear on his face. Meredith rolled her eyes and shook her head lightly, brushing off his curiosity. Narrowing his eyes at her, Jackson let it go for the moment.

Her surgery was a success, and the patient was in recovery, so she didn't think twice about collapsing on the couch in the Attending's Lounge. Closing her eyes, Meredith let her head loll to the side, appreciating the few rare seconds of alone time. Exhaustion was slowly sinking into her bones, making them weighted and the desire never to get up again growing stronger by the second. She suppressed a groan when she heard the door to the lounge open, her hand coming up to pull her mask back over her nose.

She didn't turn to see who it was-the ceiling was far too interesting.

"Am I allowed to ask about it?" Jackson's voice came from somewhere over by the coffee machine.

"'Bout what?"

"You and Hayes and the one car."

Meredith gave a pathetic attempt at a shrug, "We're staying in the same hotel. Both got paged. It was convenient."

So one of you went out of your way to knock on the other's door to: one, ask if they'd been paged and two, see if they wanted to carpool?"

There was a pause on Meredith's end, "We may have been in the same area when we got the page."

"How much do I want to bet that it wasn't the hotel lobby?" She could hear the grin in Jackson's voice.

Meredith didn't say anything, and it didn't take long for Jackson to start laughing. He walked around the couch so he could look her in the face. Her eyes stayed locked on the ceiling, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

"Oh, boy," Jackson said with a chuckle, scratching at his forehead. "You and Hayes… Honestly, I'm not surprised."

"There isn't a 'me and Hayes.' We're just friends."

"Mhmm, excuse me while I call bullshit." Jackson was finally able to catch her eye, "Seriously, Mer, if that's something you want and it ends up happening, I'm happy for you."

She held his gaze, the exhaustion making it hard to string a sentence together. Slowly, she sat up and nodded, "I don't have the energy to fight you on this, or myself for that matter. I'm not sure what it is right now."

He took the now open seat next to her, "That may be true, but from what I've seen, he cares about you. And you've started laughing a hell of a lot more since he's shown up. It's nice to see."

Meredith smiled behind her mask, eyes crinkling. She lightly kicked Jackson's shoe, "I can't believe you're leaving us for Boston. 'Mm gonna miss you."

"Well someone's gotta try and fix the fucked up world we're living in," he said with a chuckle. "You can't do it all on your own, and I think I can make more of a difference over there. But, I'm gonna miss you too."

Meredith kicked off her shoes as soon as she stepped into the threshold of her house. She took a deep breath, the familiar smells of her family entering her lungs. The next time she saw Link, she was gonna squeeze him tight for willingly being on call all weekend. It meant she was able to take a Rapid Covid test, make sure it was negative, and actually come home to her kids for once.

Night had already fallen across Seattle. The warm August air cooling down with the setting sun. Amelia had texted her before she left the hospital that the kids were already tucked into bed after a long day of running around the backyard. She dropped her stuff on the kitchen table, moving to get a glass of water.

"I didn't even hear you come in," Amelia said, voice quiet as she stepped into the room. She had Scout curled up in her arms, eyes drooping as he started to fall asleep.

Meredith shrugged as she took a slow sip from her water. She was leaning against the counter, allowing the stillness of the night to wash over her. Amelia moved to stand next to her and mimicked her position. She waited a few moments before speaking again.

"They played outside, like, all day. Zola was great at making sure they kept reapplying sunscreen. Ellie finally got the hang of jump roping. And I'm pretty sure Bailey ate a worm? But, he seems to feel fine." Amelia laughed quietly before continuing, "They tried so hard to stay up until you got home, but they didn't last an hour after we ate dinner."

"It sounds like it was a good day-I'm glad they had fun."

"It was. It was a really good day." She paused. "When the pandemic hit, I had no idea how I was going to be able to handle so many kids. I honestly still don't get how we've handled it, but somehow, we have."

Meredith bumped her shoulder against Amelia's, "It's because you love them, so you find a way. You and Link make good parents. You're a good mom."

"Thanks. You are too," Amelia smiled, looking down.

They stood there in the quiet for a little longer-Scout finally sound-asleep. Amelia leaned her neck back, rolling and stretching it before turning to face Meredith, her hip resting against the countertop. "Okay, the only people I've had to talk to this week are all under the age of thirteen, and Link, who's mostly been singing. So, what's the hospital gossip?"

Mirroring Amelia's position, Meredith shook her head, "I-Not much. Jackson officially leaves on Monday. That's about it."

"Oh, come on, that's it? There's nothing else? No break-ups, or make-ups, or big fights between the residents?"

"You know when I'm there, I'm working. My job. Which they pay me to do. As a surgeon and now head of the residency program. I don't have time to keep up with the ins and outs of everyone's relationships."

"Uhg, fine, I'd ask about Jo and Luna, but I get all those updates from Link. Let's see… Oh! Hayes!"

"What about him?" Meredith asked, keeping her voice uninterested.

Amelia rolled her eyes, "Not just about him, but you and him. And don't try to tell me that nothing is going on because that's utter crap."

Meredith sighed, pushing past the desire to laugh. The world was not going to let her ignore this. "I, uh, don't know."

"How do you not know?" Amelia's eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"Well, it's not like we've talked about it in detail. I mean, we talk and spend time together, and it's easy. Nice. I think there might be something more there, but I'm just not sure."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning," Meredith said with a mirthful huff. "There might have maybe been an almost-kiss in the tunnels last week?"

"What?!" Amelia winced at the volume of her own voice, quickly checking to see that her son was still asleep. Relief fell over her face when she saw he hadn't flinched. She turned back to Meredith, "Say more, right now."

She looked away, a bashful smile dancing on her lips, "We hugged, and then there was this moment when we pulled back. It was almost a kiss. I'm not imagining that part. But, then we got interrupted by being paged for a trauma."

"Oh my god, of course you did," Amelia chuckled. "How do you feel about it possibly being more?"

"I don't know," Meredith automatically said, shrugging. She took a second to think after the incredulous look Amelia gave her. "It's nice. I don't mind the idea of it, but I'm not going to get myself worked up over a possibility. There is this mutual understanding, one like I haven't had since Derek died. I mean, I was grief buddies with Riggs, but it wasn't the same.

"I'm just me when we're together. No titles or expectations, or idealizations. We are who we are, and that's enough. Part of me feels that it wouldn't just be a casual thing if it were to go somewhere. And, I, I'm kind of okay with that, I think. But-" she paused.

"But, it's scary." Amelia finished.

Meredith nodded, "Yeah."

Amelia gently shifted Scout in her arms, looking down at him before speaking, "I'm not going to try and talk for my brother-try to act like I knew what was going on in that big head of his. But, I do know that you deserve something good and solid in your life if you want it. And I do know he'd agree with me on that one."

Meredith smiled at Amelia and then down at Scout. She reached out, gently caressing the peach fuzz on his head, letting the calm of the moment take over.

By Monday, Meredith was over lingering in this state of what-if. Between every round, surgery, class, and patient check-in, she had her eyes peeled for Hayes.

But, over the weekend, the man had apparently decided to become a ghost. She knew he was in the building, having heard his name called over the P.A. system more than once. And she caught a passing glimpse when she was rushing a patient out of the E.R. to the O.R. Finding time actually to stop and talk to him, however, didn't seem to be happening.

By the time the end of her shift rolled around, she had pretty much let go of the idea of talking to him today. Meredith wrapped up her paperwork and did one last round on her most critical patients before calling it a night. The hotel she was staying at wasn't any closer to feeling like home, but the idea of a warm bath and a somewhat soft bed sounded really nice.

She stepped into the elevator in the lobby and pressed the button to her floor, leaning her entire body weight against the wall and closing her eyes before the doors could even shut. She cracked eyes open when rushing footsteps clamored into the elevator seconds prior to the doors sliding closed. Meredith found Hayes looking back at her, chest rising and falling rapidly like he was trying to catch his breath.

She let her eyes slide shut again, "Someone's eager to get some sleep."

"I am lookin' forward to that, yes, but it's more along the lines of wanting to talk to you. Been trying to catch you all day."

Meredith blinks her eyes open, pushing herself off the wall to stand up straight, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

A hush falls over the small space for a few moments as they just watch each other. Meredith tries to speak, only to find her words getting jumbled with Cormac trying to talk too.

"Are we ever going to talk about-"

"I wanted to ask-"

They both laughed; Meredith motioned for Cormac to go first. He brings his hand up to rub the back of his neck, "I'm kind of hopin' we're tryin' to talk about the same thing-about last week in the tunnels?"

Meredith nodded.

Cormac smiled, slipping his mask off, "Good, good. I realized we left things in this limbo state when a few days had gone by, and you hadn't said anything. Not that it was your job to, I, uh." He stopped for a heartbeat, "I like you, Meredith, in a more-than-friends way. I didn't expect to or try to, it just happened, and I've gotten the impression that maybe, I'm not alone in these feelings."

The elevator doors opened, and neither of them moved for a few seconds. Meredith was the first to step out, her eyes never leaving Cormac. He followed suit. She smiled, taking a deep breath of relief, "You didn't get the wrong impression."

They strolled down the hallways, getting closer to their respective rooms bit by bit. A grin broke across Cormac's face as he nodded, "Good, I, I'm glad to hear that. So, I wouldn't be completely out of line in asking you to dinner later this week?"

Meredith spun so she was facing him and walking backward, a playful glint in her eye, "Like a date?"

Cormac sighed in fake exasperation, "Yes, like a date."

They came to a halt in front of Meredith's hotel room. She looked up at him, still smiling, "I would be slightly offended if you didn't."

"Well, now, we can't have that, now can we?" Cormac leaned a bit closer to her, "Will you do me the pleasure of accompanying me on a date, Meredith?"

"Yes, but only because you asked so nicely."

A breathy laugh escaped his nose as he shook his head at her. He was only about six inches away from her face at this point, a soft smile playing on his lips. Cormac's hand was resting on the doorframe just above Meredith's head. It honestly surprised her just how safe she felt in this moment.

Meredith lets herself tilt just a bit closer to him, chin angling up just so slightly. Cormac's eyes look from hers, down to her lips, and back again, giving her the silent permission she was looking for. She closed the gap between them but kept the pressure light, tentative. When she felt him respond in kind, she deepened the kiss a little more before pulling away, her nose brushing his, their breaths dancing together.

"A lot of these are going to be your firsts, but not mine, so make sure to let me know what is comfortable for you. Okay?" Meredith's voice was barely above a whisper.

Cormac nodded, taking a deep breath. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear before taking a step back, giving her space to unlock the door to her room. She stepped in and turned around, one hand hanging onto the door. He had shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at her with such warmth she almost wanted to glance away. But, she held his gaze for a moment longer.

He dipped his head towards her, speaking gently, "Sleep well, Meredith."

"You too, Cormac."