a/n: hey bitches guess who's back! i guessed we could use some actual merhayes content after these past three episodes (though i adored this weeks). i don't know why or how, but part of me still has a little hope?

diverges from canon (since I do try to keep some current stuff here and there): austin is not having panic attacks from them dating. no minnesota. no nick.

thank you so much for all of the wonderful comments, feedback, and reactions! they made my fucking day, ya'll. this little community is filled with such gems 3

well, i hope you enjoy this chapter!

7. happiness

from the dress i wore at midnight

"Do you plan on giving me any details?" Meredith sidled up to Cormac out of nowhere on his way to the cafeteria for a late breakfast.

He jumped as she came up from behind him, giving him no chance to steady himself. "Tryin' to give me a bloody heart attack, aren't you?"

From his side-eyed look at her, he could tell she was grinning under her mask from the way the corners of her eyes crinkled. Honestly, in moments like these, he hated the pandemic the most, being deprived of a smile like that. She had a chart in her hand, probably on her way to a patient when she saw him.

"Keep saying stuff like that, and you're going to start sounding like Bailey."

"Well, I certainly don't see her around right now, and someone needs to keep you in check."

"Hey!" Meredith nudged his shoulder with hers with laughter in her voice, pushing him a few feet to the right. "You still haven't answered my question."

Ah, right, their date tonight. Of which Cormac has given Meredith zero information on, other than that it's still happening. This would bring their date numbers into something that could be counted on more than one hand. All of them have been relatively Covid-safe. Cormac set up a lunchtime picnic during one of Seattle's rare sunny days for the first one. Another time, they grabbed coffee and went to a local farmer's market before work. Mostly, it's squeezing moments in between patients and surgeries and children and paperwork. But he wouldn't change a thing.

It's been a switch-off on who plans it each time, and now it's his turn.

Cormac shrugged, his voice nonchalant, "As I said, it's a surprise."

(He had no idea what they were doing tonight either.)

"Work has been pretty much the same, I'm afraid," Cormac leaned back in his office chair. His sons' faces were propped up in front of his on a tablet. As much as he wished he could see them in person more often, he'd take what he could get. "I did get to actually perform a surgery the other day, though, which was a nice change of pace. It went well and, Dr. Grey-"

Austin and Liam's simultaneous groans cut him off mid-sentence. In the background of the video call, Cormac could hear Irene's bellowing laughter, followed by a half-hearted reprimand, "Boys, leave you poor dad alone."

Liam shifted in the kitchen chair he was sitting in, "Honestly, Dad, she's been better for how long now? Ask her out already."

Austin nodded, echoing his brother's sentiment.

Cormac cleared his throat, not being able to ask for a better segway, "Actually, boys, that's been something I've meanin' to talk to you about."

His sons remain silent, watching him patiently.

"I, uh," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I actually asked Dr. Grey out a little over a month ago. I just didn't want to tie you up in it until I knew it was something that wasn't going to be… nothing."

Liam was quiet for a beat before asking, "You asked her out, or she asked you?"

Cormac sputtered, "I, as a matter of fact, did ask her out, thank you very much."

"Okay, okay," Austin added. "Not bad for a guy your age."

Choking out a laugh, Cormac rolled his eyes. His lads were getting a touch too bold for his liking.

"We're just slagging you, dad," Liam said. "This isn't really a surprise."

"If it's what you want, we're happy for you," Austin leaned forward in his seat, almost as if he wanted to let his dad know he was serious.

"Well, thank you, boys, it means a lot. You know I'd never bring anyone into your lives if it bothered you, right?"

They both nodded. "We know."

Irene's face slowly peaked in from behind his sons', her eyes shining with excitement, "How many dates have y'all been on now?"

"A handful-we have one planned for tonight. Or, are supposed to." Cormac delved into his severe lack of ideas and the fact that evening was approaching quicker than he would fancy.

"I think you should do something elegant, wine and dine the woman 'Mac. After what she's been through these past few months, it's the least she deserves," Irene said.

"I agree with you, I do, but it's kind of hard to do in the middle of a bloody pandemic."

"Well," Austin spoke up. "What if you recreated something fancier? Like getting carry-out from a nice place and decorating somewhere, so it feels like an expensive restaurant?"

Cormac hummed, contemplating his youngest's suggestion, "That, is not a bad idea. Brilliant, in fact. Who knew you could be such a romantic, Austin?"

Austin slunk down in his seat, a blush rapidly rising to his cheeks. Cormac just laughed.

Needless to say, he went with his son's idea. Cormac Hayes was not a candle man. He now owned four candles. Looking around his hotel room at the dimmed lights, flower bouquet, and more candles than he'd know what to do with after tonight, he felt it appeared "elegant" enough.

(He still sent a picture to Irene.)

(She replied with a thumbs up. Good enough for him.)

He got off earlier than she did today, so they were supposed to meet in the lobby after getting changed in their rooms, only for him to bring them back up to his room. A tad redundant, he supposed. But, as being a surgeon tends to do, unexpected emergencies pop up. Meredith had texted him a few hours ago saying she'd been pulled into a surgery. It gave him more time to get everything together, so Cormac found the circumstances working in his favor.

It was just past eleven when she gave him a call, not even giving him a chance to say hello when he answered, "I am so sorry. More than one complication happened, and the family had so many questions. The patient survived, thank goodness, but if you want to reschedule, I understand. I didn't expect it to run this late."

"Meredith," he soothed. "It's fine, trust me, I understand. We've all been there. The plans are very flexible, so I'm game if you are."

"I am." He can almost hear the relief in her voice.

"Good. Put on something nicer than day-old scrubs and text me when you're ready."

"Why does that not make it any clearer what we're doing?"

Cormac chuckled, "Just dress nicely and I'll see you in a bit."

When he gently knocked on her door a little past midnight, she opened it up to reveal a gauzy black maxi dress, and her hair pinned back away from her face. It toyed with the border of business casual and black tie. Her eyes raked up and down his form, taking in the fitted button-down and dress pants.

"Okay, I didn't overdress then."

He held out his arm for her to take, "No, you most certainly did not."

Cormac escorted her down seven doors, coming to a stop in front of his room. Meredith watched in confusion as he unlocked the door, making way for her to see his set-up, lit candles and all.

Stepping into the room, she took it all in, laughter beginning to fall out of her, "Oh my… I," she looked over at him. "I'm not laughing at you or this, I just didn't expect all this, but I like it."

"I'm glad," he smiled, closing the door behind them and coming forward to rest a hand on the small of her back. They walked to the other side of the room, where he had set up the small table with Italian take-out from one of Meredith's favorite places. In the middle was a bouquet of white camellias and two lit candles.

Meredith held Cormac's gaze as he pulled out her chair for her, a small smile playing on her lips. He watched her gently caress the flower petals before reaching out to turn the candle jars so she could read the labels.

"Ginger Dusk and Nature's Paintbrush? What kind of scents even are these?" she laughed. "I didn't peg you for someone who has candles."

"I don't, at least, not before tonight. I just picked the ones that didn't make me gag."

She looked down at the candles again, the flowers, the food, and back to him. Her right hand played with the bracelet on her left, and he could see the slight tension in her posture. But, there was a warmth and appreciation in her gaze that balanced it all out.

Meredith rolled her eyes when he brought out a bottle of whiskey rather than wine. She murmured a "thank you" as he poured her glass, and they began to eat in comfortable silence.

The conversation picked up with anecdotes about work, both retelling escapades from their residencies. It trickled into stories about their kids, into the current state of the pandemic, and the crumbling political atmosphere.

Cormac told her about his life growing up in Ireland. "My Mam came from a large family, one of nine, and she was smack dab in the middle. I have first and second cousins coming out of my ears. It was nice though, they all lived relatively close, so we had that support system if anythin' happened. That's one thing I miss havin' for the boys all the way out here. I'm grateful they at least have Irene."

"Yeah," she nodded. "If there is one thing I've learned, it is that it takes a village." He could argue that her kids didn't have a village but more of a small army at their defense.

"Aye, that it does. It was my uncle who got me interested in the medical field. He was a local pharmacist and read all of these medicinal volumes in his spare time. I found them once when I was about twelve and flipped through a human anatomy book. From then on, it was all I read while the rest of the lads my age were glued to their comic books."

"In other words, you were a nerd."

He took a swig of whiskey, "If you want to get technical about it, perhaps. Though, my Dad could tell you that when my nose wasn't in a book, I could be a bit of a gurrier. My teachers didn't like me very much."

"Too much of a know-it-all?"

"More like I wasn't fond of being told what to do."

Meredith chuckled, "Well, we had that in common as kids. What made you move to America if all your family was at home?"

"Abigale-I was still livin' in Ireland when we first met. The first year was long distance and then I finished my residency in the U.S. where we settled and had the boys."

He grinned when Meredith reached across the table with her fork to steal some of his pasta without a word, "I saw your mother speak once during my residency. She knew how to command a room."

"That she did," Meredith said, her eyes dropping down to her plate. "She was brilliant and I wouldn't be the surgeon I am today if I didn't have her as a mother, but I also would've needed a lot less therapy if I didn't."

She fell quiet for a moment and Cormac waited, feeling like there was more to come.

"I've come to a place where I understand my mother much better than I did growing up, and I do appreciate her in a myriad of ways, but honestly, I kind of raised myself. After she ran with me to Boston when I was little, my father, Thatcher, never tried. He moved on and while that gave me Lexie… let's just say Richard is more of a father to me than he was.

"She pushed me to go to medical school, to go into surgery, to be something that was beyond the everyday. I wasn't just her daughter some days, but an extension of herself that could display her achievements, her greatness. And if I didn't live up, well let's be fair, I never truly lived up. She loved me, in her own way, but…"

Meredith sucked in a deep breath, swallowing hard. They had talked about Ellis before, but never in such detail. He could see the way it still wore on her and he wanted to say, she didn't have to do this. But, she knew that. He knew she knew that. So, if she wanted to talk about it, he was more than willing to listen.

"The Alzheimers was debilitating. She wasn't herself and I was all she had. I learned more about her in the last year of her life than I did anytime growing up." She picked at her bracelet again, "Just before she died, she had a lucid moment. For a day, she was Ellis Grey again and I don't know how you simultaneously love that someone you missed was back, but also despised it. But, I did.

"She was my mother again, in all the best and worst ways. She smiled at me, asking to get to know me again after all those years. And then when she didn't like what she heard, tore it to the ground."

Meredith finally met Cormac's eyes again, "I tried to kill myself after that. That time I mentioned, when I almost drowned, the fall was an accident, but I stopped swimming on purpose. Derek was the one who pulled me out of Elliot Bay."

Cormac didn't flinch or look away. She watched him watch her and not bat an eye. Meredith could feel the tightness in her chest and she swallowed again. She was quiet when she spoke, "I'm grateful every day to still be alive. But, I've been compared to my mother since I was a child, and I know I have her face, ambition, and drive. I know she's in me, and I am terrified that one day I'll wake up and she'll take over, and I'll inflict on my kids what I had growing up."

Cormac reached across the table and took Meredith's hand in his, squeezing it gently, "The mere fact that you are afraid of that happening shows how much you love your little ones. And I think you can trust yourself to break that cycle that formed with your mother."

Their food was nearly gone by this point, and what was left had gone cold. For Cormac, Abbi's death was the pinnacle of loss and pain he'd experienced in his life. Looking at her, he realized her husband's death had been but another chapter.

He could see her eyes glistening, and she turned her head away with a wet laugh, "And I haven't even gotten into the shooting."

Cormac blinked, eyebrows shooting upwards, "The what?"

"The mass shooting during my third year of residency," she said, voice cracking towards the end. Meredith turned back towards him, her chest rising and falling more rapidly. "He shot Derek, and Christina had to save him in secret, but then he found us and I asked him to shoot me instead. And then I had to operate on Owen, who was also shot, all while I was experiencing a miscarriage."

Meredith's voice was getting faster, increasingly more frantic. Cormac rounded the table, his hand still in hers, before kneeling in front of her, "Meredith, can you take a couple of deep breaths with me?"

She blinked a few times before nodding, shakily following him as he counted for her to breathe in and out. His hand holding hers gently stroked the back of her knuckles, while his other one rested firmly on her knee, the warmth a welcomed grounding presence.

"Now," Cormac started, keeping his volume low. "It's not that I mind you sharing these things with me, in fact, quite the opposite, but what's this all about?"

Meredith covered his hand on her knee with her free one, "'Mm not entirely sure. I just kind of got started, and it spiraled from there. These are things that I wanted you to know but wasn't sure how to broach. I guess it was easier to lay it all out on the table, no surprises, this is what you get." She chuckled, bittersweet, "The twistedness runs deep. There's still stuff you haven't heard."

"If you're willing to tell me, in your own time, I'm more than willing to listen."

"It can be a lot. I can be a lot."

"You think I haven't pieced that together by now? I want to get to know you, Meredith, as much as you'll let me. And that includes sticking around for the dark stuff. I'm here."

He completely forgot about the dessert sitting in the mini-fridge when she leaned down to kiss him. Cormac pushed up on his knees to level himself with her, his hands moving so one rested on her waist, the other cupping the side of her neck. Meredith gently pulled back as the intensity rose, but he guided her back to him.

Cormac managed to stand up, keeping her flush against him while walking backward until the back of his calves met the edge of the bed. He sat down, maneuvering Meredith so she was sitting on his lap. Moving down, his kisses trailed along her collarbone as one hand began to push down the strap on her dress.

She drew back, catching his eye with a serious expression, "Are you good? I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Don't you worry," Cormac ran one hand down the side of her face. "I know exactly what I'm doin'."

It's after nine when Cormac woke up to the smell of coffee. He rubbed at his eyes, pushing himself into a sitting position. The early light was peaking through the drawn curtains and only one lamp was turned on. The candles were burned far down but had been put out sometime in the night.

Meredith was over by the coffee machine, covered only by his button-up that had been discarded on the floor from the night before. She turned, meeting his tired gaze with a smile. Grabbing her own cup of coffee and a cup of tea for him, she placed them on the side table before sitting back on the bed.

Her hair had fallen out of its updo, strands gently framing the sides of her face. Cormac pushed a piece behind her ear, his hand lingering on her shoulder. He recalled asking her to stay somewhere in his tired stupor when she had commented on heading back to her room.

Part of Cormac expected to wake up alone. He smiled at her, head tilted to the side just a tad. He didn't know how it was possible that she was more gorgeous now than she was last night.

(He was really glad he didn't wake up alone.)

thank you sm for reading! any faves, comments, and feedback, are immensely appreciated! hope everyone is doing well 3