The wings on the god's shoes fluttered, as if pleased by his recognition of Hermes. He grinned down at him, eyes gleaming in the early morning darkness as though he were a parent who had caught their child doing something they shouldn't.

"Good to see you, Perce," Hermes said. "Been a while, huh?"

Percy just nodded dumbly. "Hi."

The god snorted. "You always had a way with words, didn't you? Glad to see you're still as quick-witted as ever."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Hermes's smile dipped. "We know about what happened, Percy."

Ah.

The light mood disappeared in an instant. Zoe began to stir beside him, and he dimly realized that was what Hermes had been joking about earlier.

Percy didn't know what to say, so his brain chose for him. "Sorry I couldn't get all of your kids to Camp Half-Blood."

Hermes raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. "All the things in the world you could say, and that's what you settled on?" He shook his head fondly. "We know all about Hera and her idiotic little ploy. It's not your fault."

"Still," Percy whispered, "They deserve to be safe too."

Hermes nodded tiredly, running a hand through his hair. "They do. You're a good guy, Percy. I trust you to help them, once this nightmare finally ends."

Percy didn't say anything for a moment. He still had half a dozen questions running through his head.

"I, uh." His eyes darted towards Zoe. "This isn't what it looks like. Don't tell Artemis. Please."

Once again, his brain spoke for him.

All he got back was another blank stare, before Hermes started to cackle maniacally. "Oh man, you are a riot! I wish I had a camera right now. Oh wait!"

With a snap of his fingers, Hermes's iPod transformed into an iPhone, and he casually snapped a picture of the sleeping Zoe lying on top of Percy's arm.

"Hey!" He hissed, quickly pulling himself away from her, "Delete that!"

Hermes shook his head. "No can do. This thing will get me a fortune! Can you imagine the look on the Twin's faces when –"

Hermes stopped himself mid-sentence and eyed Zoe, as though he was finally realizing something was amiss. "Hey, isn't she supposed to be in the stars? Or at least dead?"

"Aren't you supposed to be on Olympus having a complete meltdown?" Percy shot back defensively. "Isn't everything on lockdown?

The god put his hands up in surrender. "Hey, hey, relax!" He tried, "We're all friends here. I'm here on official business!"

Percy gave him a deadpan stare. "Uh-huh."

Hermes rolled his eyes. "Look, it's a long story - and I'm sure you have questions. I do too. I'll give the debrief to all of you at once so I don't repeat myself, but as of right now I'd like to discuss some things, man-to-man."

"Don't you mean kid-to-god?" Percy asked drily.

"Nope." Hermes gave him a pointed look. "You might be young, and forever a kid in comparison to me, but we both know that's not the full story. You've seen some shit - fuck, you've done some shit that even most of us wouldn't touch with a thirty foot pole. It'd be a disservice to you to treat you as anything less than an adult."

Percy sighed. "Whatever. What do you want to talk about?"

"Ah-ah," Hermes said in a sing-song voice, "First, you need to relax. No point in discussing things if you're just gonna clam up on me!"

His eyes briefly glowed gold, and a deck of cards appeared in the god's hand. He shuffled it, pretending to be disinterested in the menial task, but he couldn't hide the gleam in his eyes as Percy watched the god shuffle the deck in ways that would have been impossible for a mortal, completely enraptured. Cards whirled around Hermes like leaves in a tornado as his hands flew around, moving behind his back, over his head, and between his legs as he tossed them freely before he quickly dealt out a hand of seven for himself, Percy, and a third one that he set off to the side. The remaining cards were left in a pile, before he plucked the top card on the deck and placed it face up on the wooden planks between them.

It was a red nine. Percy didn't realize Hermes was such a big fan of Uno.

"So," Hermes began, taking a seat across from Percy and picking up his pile of Uno cards and raising a playful eyebrow at the demigod, "Shall we?"

Percy blinked. This was not what he expected when he woke up this morning. Heck, he didn't think he could make this shit up if he tried.

"Sure," he mumbled, picking up his own hand numbly, "Why not."

Hermes put down a red six and began to speak. "So, first things first, I'm sure you're a bit confused about… everything, I guess."

Percy nodded quietly, his bangs hitting him in the face. He idly realized his hair was starting to get pretty long - maybe he could get a haircut once this was all said and done. He placed down a red three.

"I heard you, you know," Hermes muttered, placing down a blue three. "When you were down there."

Percy's head whipped up in shock. "What?"

The god nodded grimly. "I don't know where you were or how it happened, but I could feel a connection with you for a brief moment. I heard you pray to me. That's how I, and the rest of Olympus, by proxy, found out what happened in Rome. It's your turn, by the way."

His throat felt tight as he drew a card, before placing the blue eight he'd gotten from the pile down. "I see."

"I tried to reach you," Hermes offered, "When you slept, I tried to contact you through–"

He cut him off. "My dreams."

The god nodded in confirmation. "Your dreams are horrible. I'm sorry, but I could barely begin to call out to you before the connection was severed. Whatever power was down there didn't want me or Mercury talking to you."

Percy briefly remembered his dream of Mount Tamalpais as he slept beneath the Hermes shrine, where someone had been calling out to him. "I heard you," he whispered. He flinched at the thought of Tartarus cutting off any chances he had to escape.

"I figured," Hermes admitted, placing down a blue draw-two card, "But there wasn't any way I could reach you again. You vanished. But it gave me enough concern to alert the people I thought should know."

Of course. So now all of Olypmus knew that he had been through literal hell. Why couldn't he have a single private moment in his life? Was everything else he had done for the gods not amusement enough?

"Ooh, nice one." Hermes whispered as Percy placed down his own yellow draw-two card, plucking the top four cards up from the pile and sliding them into his hand.

"Who did you tell?" Percy asked quietly, placing down a yellow seven.

Hermes frowned. "You should be happy I told people."

"Why the fuck would I be happy that people knew?!" He hissed, trying to keep his voice down so that Zoe didn't wake up, "All I've ever been to you guys is a source of entertainment when I haven't been fighting for you. What makes this time any different? Am I not entitled to deal with my problems alone?"

A brief look of guilt crossed Hermes's face, before he wiped it away as his phone began to buzz. He rubbed his eyes tersely as he placed down a yellow turn-skip into a yellow five.

"Sorry, sorry," he muttered after a second, "Just George and Martha giving me an earful. As if they could handle this better!"

The god met Percy's eyes, pointing one finger up at the heavens. "Kid, what you've got to realize is that you've got a lot of friends up there. Do you think your father shouldn't know about the problems his favorite son is facing? He nearly tore down the Underworld trying to reach you. Or that the guy Apollo would let drive his sun chariot might need some help in the future? We're a family - a really screwed up one, but a family nonetheless. There's a ton of people willing to go to bat for you, Perce. I can't say that everyone loves you, but I can say that I only told the people who would care. And there are a lot of people who care."

A quiet hiss of agreement came from his phone, but Hermes was quick to set it to vibrate. The phone shook angrily in his hands, but he seemed unwilling to change it back.

He deflated like an empty bouncy castle. "Oh," Percy mumbled, feeling like even more of an ass than he already was, "Sorry."

Hermes clapped him on the shoulder. "You don't need to apologize, especially not to me. I know we haven't been the best about this sort of thing, but we are trying. You went a long way in showing us how badly we've screwed up. It's hard to make immortal beings change."

The god eyed his hand, and Percy hurried to put down his own yellow five. "Now that I've said my piece, or at least most of it, let me ask you a few questions. If you don't feel comfortable answering, you don't have to. I'm trying to get information, not make you miserable."

A little late for that. Percy felt like a complete prick.

"Got it," Percy muttered, "Go crazy."

"Are the Doors of Death freed?" He asked sharply, exhaling in relief at the nod Percy gave, "Thank Zeus. Really wasn't going to be looking forward to the nightmare that would be fighting the Gigantes with that shit still going on."

Hermes hummed, tossing a wild card into the little pile of cards that had started to build up. "Blue," he decided, "So, how's the dead Huntress here? And why were you two all cuddled up on the deck? Doesn't this boat have beds?"

Percy blushed, making his glare a lot less effective. "It does. We just fell asleep on watch duty. And we weren't 'cuddling'!"

"Sure, Perce." Hermes playfully rolled his eyes. "Just be glad it was me who found you and not any of your little friends, then. Can't imagine they'd be pleased with you sleeping on the job. But you still haven't explained how–"

"Percy," Zoe muttered, accidentally interrupting Hermes. She was rubbing her eyes as though she thought she was still dreaming. "Am I hallucinating or are thou playing cards with Lord Hermes?"

"Nice to see you too, Princess," Hermes snarked, "There's a hand for you too. Hurry up and take your turn before Percy just wins outright."

Zoe blinked, unsure how to respond, before she acquiesced and slowly picked up the small pile of cards. "Do either of thee have any fours?"

Hermes looked like her like she had grown a second head. "There is no way you have never played Uno before."

"What is Uno?" Zoe asked, cocking her head to the side, "Is this not go fish?"

They may not have been playing go fish, but Hermes's mouth was gaping like one.

"Are you being serious?" He asked, dumbfounded, "What in the world are the Hunt spending their free time doing–" Hermes shook his head. "Nevermind! We're getting off track. I'll teach you while we play, and you're going to explain to me how the Hades you aren't a constellation."

Percy sighed as Zoe eyed the cards with distrust, with Hermes explaining the rules as quickly as he could.

He had a feeling they'd be here for a while.

—

Percy was right. The sun shone brightly overhead now - they had to have been sitting here for at least an hour.

"And that covers just about everything, Lord Hermes," Zoe finished, placing down a green nine onto the top of the pile.

Hermes's face betrayed no emotion, even as he placed down a draw-four and utterly ruined Percy's already meager chances of winning. "Red."

He sighed, plucking the top four cards from the deck and placing them into his ever-growing hand. Whatever luck he'd had at the start of the game had clearly run out - he now had over twenty cards in his hand, while Zoe had just two and Hermes had three. She had taken to the rules surprisingly well, and looked to be in position to win.

She hummed as she placed down a red skip-turn, finally throwing Percy a bone. "Uno."

Percy placed down a red reverse card, not really caring for any strategy anymore. He just wanted to get stuff out of his hand at this point.

Hermes hummed as he placed down his own skip-turn. "Well, Zoe, I don't know what to say." The god sighed, and in that moment he looked old and tired. "You didn't deserve what my father did to you, but what can I say? We both know how Zeus can be. Either he ignores problems or he goes above and beyond to deal with any and all risks - even those that don't exist."

Thunder rumbled faintly in the distance, but neither of them seemed too worried about it. Percy still eyed the sky warily - it wasn't as though he and his uncle had a great history, and with the way things were going their relationship would never improve.

"I understand, Lord Hermes," Zoe responded stoically, eyes fixated on Percy as he tossed down a red one.

Hermes offered her a sad smile. "If it makes you feel any better," he offered, "Artemis is going to be pissed when she finds out, if she doesn't cry herself to exhaustion when she sees you again. She took your death pretty hard. Uno!"

Hermes threw down a red draw-two. She didn't react, starting out into the sky, her eyes filled with sadness.

"Uh, Zoe?" Hermes nudged her with his Caduceus, briefly turning it into its true form before switching it back into an iPod. "Your turn."

Zoe blinked, quickly being dragged back to reality. "Oh. Apologies." She grabbed two cards from the top of the slowly diminishing pile, but she was clearly not very interested in the game anymore.

Percy tossed down a draw-four. "Blue," he decided, also not really caring for the game. Hermes made a face as his hand grew five-fold. He looked at Zoe worriedly, but didn't dare reach out to her like he normally would have - he didn't think either of them could deal with Hermes's antics right now.

Zoe tossed down a blue seven, and Percy responded with a blue reverse. Hermes scowled as Zoe threw out a blue skip-turn. "Uno."

Percy hummed as he threw down a wild card, looking towards Zoe. "What color do you need?"

Hermes choked. "What? You can't do that!" He protested, "That's cheating!"

Percy shrugged. "It's not like I'm going to win anyways."

Zoe hummed. "Green, please," she said after a moment.

"Green."

Hermes looked like a kicked puppy. Zoe placed her final card, a green six, onto the pile. "I believe this means I win."

"Yeah, yeah," Hermes grumbled, snapping his fingers and causing the cards to disappear in a burst of golden light, "Just be glad we weren't playing poker! I'd gamble all of you under the table. Not even Hades can hold a candle to me in that game!"

Zoe just nodded along at the god's antics as he stomped around the deck. She may not have said anything, but Percy could tell she was somewhat pleased that she had beaten Hermes, even if it was at something as silly as a game of Uno. Maybe it even lifted her spirits a bit.

Maybe Hermes manipulated the cards so that she'd win. That seemed like something he would do. He did seem genuinely remorseful about Zoe's fate, and was happy that Percy had brought her with him. They didn't tell him everything, however - Percy was still very unwilling to open that can of worms.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Not that thy presence is not welcome, sir," she began, "But why are thou here, Lord Hermes?"

Hermes snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah!" He exclaimed, "Almost forgot about that! When do the rest of your friends usually wake up?"

Percy and Zoe looked at each other. "No idea," he responded, "We just got back from… you know."

He frowned. "I hate teenagers sometimes, you know? All the downsides of being mortals, none of the benefits! I guess I'll have to do it myself then."

A pair of cymbals appeared in his hands. "You two might want to cover your ears," he warned.

If Hermes was a crueler god, he wouldn't have given them the time to react.

As it was, he was courteous enough to allow them to put their hands over their ears before he slammed the cymbals together. Even then, the noise was powerful enough to make Percy's teeth rattle.

A cacophony of groans rose up from beneath the deck.

Hermes snickered. "I love my job sometimes. How's my serious face?"

He glared at Percy, and all of a sudden he looked like the same angry god he had been when Percy and Annabeth had been arguing with him way back during the Second Titan War. His face was like marble, and Percy dimly remembered that mortals (and demigods) used to fear the gods for good reason. His casual outfit disappeared, replaced with a pristine white toga and golden trimmings. His caduceus returned once more, but George and Martha remained still to really hammer home the image.

He gulped. "It's good."

The god brightened back up, and Percy let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He sometimes forgot that most of them could reduce him to atoms with nary a thought.

The idea that he could actually do something similar to them now did not make him feel any better.

A rumble emanated from below deck. An instant later Nico rushed out, Stygian Iron sword held tightly in his grip.

"Percy! I heard–" Nico stopped himself as he looked around in a frenzy seeing Zoe, Percy (still in his pajamas from last night, by the way) and Hermes all chilling out, for the lack of a better word. "What?"

Hermes waved. "Nico di Angelo, right? I've heard good things!"

Nico lowered his sword slowly. Heavy eye bags made him look even more dead than usual. "Um… hello."

Jason was out next, gladius raised in a similar manner to Nico. "Lord Mercury?"

Hermes's form flickered for a moment, his Roman equivalent offering the son of Jupiter a brief wave before Hermes returned. His shoulder twitched and he frowned, before he shook his head and regained control of himself.

"Sorry, kid," the god said, ignoring the rest of the demigods (and Coach Hedge) who hurried out behind Jason, "But it's all Greek today. Greeks won the Civil War, Greeks came first, and there's more Greeks than Romans on this boat. To the winner goes the godly form I appear as!"

Jason nodded slowly, lowering his sword. "I understand."

When everybody realized there wasn't a fight to be had, they pocketed their weapons in a similar manner.

Annabeth tensed at the god's presence. "Hermes," she said stiffly, lowering her head slightly.

Percy was honestly shocked that she had offered him that much. The two of them hadn't exactly been on good terms the last time they interacted, with him needing to step in and prevent them from fighting. But thinking about that just reminded him of the date he and Annabeth had in Paris, and that ruined his already dour mood.

Hermes barely acknowledged her. "Annabeth Chase."

Leo nudged Piper in her side. "That's the delivery guy god my dad was talking about, right?" He whispered.

"Well," Hermes interrupted, snorting at the look Leo gave him when he realized he was caught, "I prefer the Eleventh Olympian, god of thieves, travel, commerce, and more, but 'delivery guy god' has an… interesting ring to it too, I suppose."

Leo paled, leaping behind Frank for protection, who just gave him a flat stare in return.

"We're all here now," Percy interrupted, "So why are you here?"

Everybody (except Annabeth and Zoe) looked at him like he had a death wish, talking to a god so casually like that.

Hermes just snorted. "Patience, young padawan. I swear, you sons of Poseidon have no temperance!"

Percy paused. "I don't drink alcohol?"

"Um," Jason interjected, "I think we might be getting off-track a bit. Sir?"

Hermes gave an overexaggerated sigh, slouching his shoulders and rolling his eyes before he stood up to his full height, towering over just about everybody even without growing to his true godly height.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Heroes of Olympus!" He bellowed, voice echoing all around them, "I am Lord Hermes, here as a messenger for the King of the gods, Lord Zeus! Thanks to your efforts, the Athena Parthenos has been brought to Camp Half-Blood and order has been restored to the gods! They are regaining their strength as we speak, preparing for the final battle with Gaea's children in Athens! The Ancient Lands are not kind to our presence, so they must rest before any immediate action is taken! As per the orders of Lord Zeus, I have appeared here, on this dingy ship, to help and guide you on the remainder of your journey, and make sure that you all arrive in Athens unharmed!"

…

"Did you just call my ship dingy?" Leo asked incredulously.

Hermes raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the son of Hephaestus. "Kid, this thing is okay for mortals, but have you seen the Titanic? Blows this little guy out of the water."

"It's also currently beneath the water," Piper added.

Hermes waved his hand flippantly. "Inconsequential! That thing had thirty-thousand horsepower! Even Poseidon was sad to see that beauty sink!"

Zoe nodded. "'Twas a 'dam' shame."

She looked towards Percy for approval, and he snorted as he realized that she was making another dam joke. If only Thalia and Grover were here.

Hazel raised her hand awkwardly. "Um, sir?" She asked, beginning to speak after Hermes nodded at her approvingly. "No offense, but wouldn't it make more sense for, um, Lord Zeus or Lord Poseidon to accompany us? And wouldn't it also be smarter for you to just bring us to Athens as soon as possible? We've faced a lot of interference so far, and it's only bound to get worse…"

"Good questions!" Hermes beamed at Hazel. "I like you. As I said, most of the gods are currently in recovery, and given how annoying it is for us to be out this far, it only makes sense for the god of travelers to be your escort! I'm one of the only ones who can interfere this freely, since you're all traveling, and even if the others could be here this easily Zeus demanded an impartial presence! Any of your parents wouldn't do, and everyone else on the council, aside from maybe Apollo, would have their own biases here!"

Percy briefly thought about if Dionysus had been chosen as their escort, and made a face. He had no illusions about that going well in any way, shape, or form.

"And besides," he snickered, "Who wouldn't want to hang out with the coolest god on Olympus? Also, I'm only supposed to be here to make sure you guys don't die on the way - whatever you kids need to do until we make it to Athens still needs to be done, right? Don't let me stop you!"

The group slowly nodded as one, more or less accepting the fact that they were going to be traveling with a god for the time being. It wasn't as though there was much they could do about it.

Annabeth didn't look thrilled, but honestly? Percy couldn't blame her. Imagine if it was Ares of all people that they'd have to live on a boat with for two weeks. He had no illusions about surviving that ordeal.

"Now then!" Hermes clapped his hands together excitedly. "What's for breakfast? I haven't had mortal food in ages, and I wanna see how it stacks up!"

His caduceus finally unfurled, and George and Martha eyed the group.

"Do you have any rats?" George asked hungrily.

—

A/N: Me: I should stop writing so much I'll burn myself out.

Also me: I should keep writing or else I'll stop forever.

Quite a conundrum! Anyways, another chapter! Once again not much happening, but somehow the Seven has turned into the Eleven! Or Ten if we're not counting Hermes, who isn't actually here to do any of the work, but then there isn't a joke to be made with Seven Eleven somewhere. Oh well.

What do you think? Let me know in the reviews! Hope you enjoyed, see you next time!