Let's address some reviews!
Tax Evasion - Thank you for the glorious mental image of Yharim popping in through the kitchen window of a suburban house late at night.
SoftItalic - Alright readers, can we get an F in chat for Nyke?
Don't worry, he'll get better.
Dominus1389 - …..oof.
Note: I got a couple of reviews saying that they are eight pawns in Chess, not nine. Fixed.
[(PAYDAY!) Fill up your bags!]
[(PAYDAY!) Empty your mags!]
Music filled Kuraima's ears as he jogged through the town of Kuoh in the cool weekend morning air.
[We're on a streak, so it's (PAYDAY!) every single day of the week!]
The song in question was Its Payday by Simon Viklund. Yes, the same guy who makes the Payday 2 soundtrack.
The Astral Student didn't really play the game that much, but he absolutely loved the soundtrack. There's not really many things as hype-inducing as the build-up for when Plan B is put into motion.
Unfortunately, all things must end. Especially good things. That is a truth we must come upon sooner or later.
In this case, the truth took the form of a mysterious black fabric smacking him in the face and obscuring his vision.
"Wha-?!"
He fumbled around, trying to pry the offending fabric off.
His savior came in the form of a familiar pervert; Issei Hyoudou himself.
"Oi Kuraima-san! Thanks for the save!"
Light returned to the Astral Student's eyes as his classmate removed the literal veil that had covered his face.
Kuraima quickly paused his music and pulled his earbuds out, staring at Hyoudou.
"Hyoudou-san."
"Yes?"
"Why are you with a nun?"
Standing next to Issei was an admittedly adorable-looking blonde-haired nun. She looked incredibly embarrassed, indicated by her blushing red face and apologetic tone of voice.
"Well, if you saw a lady in distress, wouldn't you help out too?"
"Well, maybe I would, but you're not the kind who should of person who should be saving them!"
"Oi! I have standards when it comes to treating women!"
"Yeah well then prove it!"
"E….E-Excuse me…?"
The shy, timid voice of the nun quickly halted the hostilities as the two spun around to face her.
"P-Please stop arguing…"
Kuraima's heart, frosted by moderately inadequate socialization, melted.
'I, Speedwa—...Sensou Kuraima shall let none harm this cinnamon bun!'
Suddenly, the nun perked up. "O-Oh! Are you hurt?" She asked the Astral Champion, spotting a partially covered bruise peeking out from under his sleeve.
"Oh...ah...don't worry about it. I just…"
—
[A few days ago…]
Everyone goes on and on about how Australia has the biggest, baddest bugs on the planet.
Clearly they've never seen any type of Asian hornet. About the size of one's thumb and venomous enough to kill a man if stung multiple times.
Right now, there was one inside Kuraima's house.
Not only was he scared of getting stung, but he also didn't want to deal with the mess this thing was gonna leave on the wall if he actually swatted it.
He watched as it sat on one of the light fixtures in the hallway, looking around with a methodical and somewhat mechanical poise.
The great beast took flight, and the student reacted.
The human body has a process known as the Fight or Flight response, in which the body energizes itself with adrenaline in response to danger.
Kuraima yelped as he instinctively chose flight.
And fly he did…down a flight of stairs.
[Present day]
"...Yeah, I fell out of the bed when I woke up the other day. Nothing to worry about."
"W-Wait! I can help!" She responded, getting closer to him and holding her hands out over the wound. A ring materialized on her finger, emitting a soft green glow as his bruise began to disappear.
"Woah…" Kuraima and Issei both said at the same time, mesmerized by the spectacle. He rubbed his arm, embracing himself for mild pain, only to widen his eyes when he felt absolutely nothing. All that was left was an unblemished arm.
"It's gone...wow. How'd you do that?" Issei asked her.
"A...Ah…well, it's...they called it a Sacred Gear...Twilight Healing."
Kuraima vaguely remembered reading up on that after he'd requested some books on the supernatural from the Gremory Devil on a whim of curiosity. After all, his knowledge obtained from the Fate/Night series could only cover so much ground.
Basically, it was a pretty rare Sacred Gear. As the name suggests, it heals people.
That's…about all it does, but given this encounter, it does it exceptionally well. Can't heal certain diseases, but he idly wondered if it would help with the mild cramps he's been having lately.
"May we get a name?"
"O-Oh, how rude of me...It's Asia...A-Asia Argento."
—
Turns out, this nun, named Asia Argento, was in the middle of transferring to the local church.
Which was really weird, because in the three years that he lived here in Kuoh, Kuraima wasn't even aware that this town had a Christian Church, to begin with.
For good reason, too. The place had been abandoned for...who knows, maybe God actually knew how long.
"Are...are you sure you're supposed to be here, Argento-san?" Kuraima asked, feeling very concerned as he looked at the run-down building. Clearly, it had seen better days.
"Y…Yes, it is, Mister Kuraima…"
"Excuse me for just a moment.." he turned to Issei, whispering.
"Hyoudou-san, are you sure we should be here?"
"Huh?"
"Think about it. It's a church. You're a devil. You go in there, only…only 'The-Man-Upstairs' knows what's going to happen to you, and whatever it is, everything will NOT be awesome."
Issei kinda stared at him for a little bit as the Astral Student's movie reference flew right over his head.
"Then what the hell are we supposed to do?!"
"...I have no clue…"
"Y…You know...it's alright if you need to go…" Asia spoke up. "I...I won't hold it against you…"
"Are...are you sure?"
"Y-Yes...I can see that the two of you have places to be…"
"Ah...we ...erm…"
In the end, Kuraima and Issei had to make the heart-wrenching decision to leave her in the hands of whoever was in that church.
"W-What?!"
"You heard me, Hyoudou-san. Stay away from that nun and that church."
"B-But—"
"I mean it. Even if she doesn't actively intend to harm you, she's still affiliated with the Church."
That Monday, the Occult Research Club had gathered for their afternoon meeting after school let out.
Kuraima was only paying half-attention, to the drama unfolding behind him, focusing more on playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses on his Nintendo Switch.
'Attagirl, Bernie!'
Sure, he could tune in, but ADHD and the need to level up best girl was stronger.
Bernadetta is the best archer unit. Fight me.
The warning from Rias had probably applied to him as well, but since he himself wasn't a devil, he had a bit more leeway.
Not that he'd want to try anything, mind you.
The infamous pervert eventually came over and sat down on the couch, sulking.
"Come on, cheer up, Hyoudou-san. I heard that some kind of new fantasy-themed cosplay cafe opened up downtown. Wanna go check it out?"
A few hours after dropping off Asia at the abandoned church, Kuraima had come across a rather unique-looking cafe. He assumed it was fantasy-themed because the employees were dressed up as barmaids and he was certain he saw a knight or two.
"Can't. Gremory-senpai wants me to accompany her on a Stray Devil hunt, whatever that means."
"Alright. Maybe some other time?"
'Wait, when the hell did me and Issei become buddies?' Kuraima mentally asked himself. Usually, when he'd meet the pervert, it would end in snarky comments and lots of inane bickering.
…
…
…
Fuck it.
The Astral Champion couldn't be bothered to care about trivial things such as the human psyche.
"Yeah."
He wondered if Rias would let him follow them.
She allowed him.
So here they are, standing in front of some rather sketchy warehouse.
"So, Gremory-senpai, what exactly are Stray Devils?" Kuraima asked, crossing his arms.
"Good question. Put simply, Stray Devils are reincarnated devils who have either run away from or killed their masters."
"Ah…that's…so why do we gotta kill them? Can they be reasoned with?"
"Usually not, I'm afraid. You see, without the King Piece to regulate the power of the Evil Piece contained within them, they mutate horribly and develop a craving for human flesh."
Oh. So that's what attacked him that fateful night.
"I mean you can try, but they're usually too mad with power to use logical thinking."
[Flashback to chapter 2…]
An awkward pause ensued before she started screaming. "...That's. IT. I'm going to strip you down, down to your bones!"
"But I just—"
"SHUT UUUUUP! HOW DARE YOU BRING LOGIC INTO THE EQUATION!"
[Present day]
"...Yeah, I see your point. Excuse my language, but fucking hell, that kinda sucks for all parties involved, doesn't it?"
The redheaded devil giggled as his choice of words. "You don't have to ask, we're friends, y'know? You did drop a loud s-bomb the other day. Also, you can drop the whole "Gremory-Senpai" thing. And yes, you're right."
"Ah, sure thing, Rias-sama."
'Holy shit I just got on a first-name basis with one of the most popular girls in my school.'
…
'Please don't tell me I'm the main character of a romance story.'
"...So wait, runaways count as stray devils? How does that work?"
The Gremory shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not too sure of the specific details. What I do know is that the majority of Devil society doesn't really care, to them's a stray's a stray."
'...I actually kinda feel bad for the worm thot now.'
"Lemme guess, Devil society like the US Congress; Full of old men who can't get shit done?"
"That's...that's shockingly accurate, actually."
"It's here," Koneko called out. Immediately, Rias took on a more authoritative stance, her tone of voice changing.
"Alright! Everyone, be on your guard."
Kuraima blinked a few times when he heard the sound of something moving inside the warehouse. Always had to be warehouses...
Oh god, the smell! Whatever was causing it, it was rancid! No wonder Koneko knew it was here.
"Oh? I smell something bad, but also I smell something tasty. Is it something sweet, or shall it be something sour?"
A person peeked around the corner. It was a woman with naked breasts.
"Nice…!" Issei called out, excited by a pair of well-sized bahonkeroos on display before him.
However, Kuraima, while he admittedly kinda liked what he saw thus far, knew better since he's encountered a stray himself.
'Wait for it…'
"Oh, you will all make for a tasty meal!"
A centaur-like body emerged, the front...legs...arms...whatever they were...dragging it forward. Said front arms had red human-like hands with equally red claws that seemed to blend in perfectly.
Located the horse half's abdomen, a grinning maw of jagged teeth.
"Oh god oh FUCK"
'Aaaaaand there it is.'
The Astral champion inspected this monstrosity up and down.
Ah...hmm…..
You know, maybe the worm thot was at least worth a 3, maybe 4, compared to this thing.
"Stray Devil Viser, you are hereby to be executed for your crimes. Surrender now, and I'll make sure your death is quick one."
"Like hell, I will, you red-haired little shit!"
"So be it." She turned to Kuraima and Issei. "Pay attention, for now, I shall show you the power of the Evil Piece system." She turned back to her peerage. "Kiba! You're up first!"
"Got it." The Prince leaped forward, prompting Viser to attack. She pulled a pair of spears from...somewhere and stabbed as him.
However, the Prince was much faster than she expected, causing the spears to pierce through the hardened concrete, leaving one to imagine how badly it would fuck up your day if she hit you.
"H-He teleported!" The pervert cried out in shock. Kuraima had to spend a few moments to comprehend what he just saw.
"Not really. Kiba was reincarnated as a Knight. When it comes to speed, few can match such a class. It'd only make sense that he'd be my Knight, given his skill with a sword."
Ah, of course. The speedy swordsman stereotype.
As Viser moved for another strike, Kiba swung his blade. Were it not for the brief glint of steel, one might've thought that the stray's arms just popped off.
"GRAAAAGH!"
"Good work, Kiba. Koneko, you're up!"
The Prince pulled back as the short white-haired girl casually walked up to the behemoth.
"Are you brats even taking me seriously?!" Viser cried out, opening her stomach-mouth. "Maybe this will teach you a lesson!"
Chomp.
"Koneko-saaan!" Issei cried out. The Astral Student had to admit that even he was a little worried, but Rias' expression told him otherwise.
"Don't worry. She can take it." As if on cue, Viser's massive jaw was forced open by the pipsqueak.
"W-What?!"
"As a Rook, Koneko can take a lot of punishment and dish it out just as hard."
The little Rook turned around and punched the Stray in the abdomen, causing the oversized beast to be sent flying a fair distance into some empty crates, shattering them.
"You...you didn't rehearse this, did you? You seem awfully and rightfully confident of your Peerage's strength."
"..."
Did Rias just pout a little?
"Hey, just askin'! You're very...erm…"
"Passionate!" Issei finished.
"Yes, as much as I hate to say it...thank you, Hyoudou-san."
"A-Anways...Akeno-san, show them the power of the Queen!"
As the stray attempted to get back up, the buxom devil waltzed right up to it.
"Ara ara, going somewhere?"
"As a Queen, Akeno holds the power of a Rook, the speed of a Knight, and the magical prowess of a Bishop, of which I am unfortunately unable to demonstrate tonight due to circumstances."
Lightning crackled around her arms before she launched it right at Viser, causing the abomination to writhe and scream.
"Oh Astrum oh fuck, she's a sadist."
The two boys watched in varying degrees of abject horror as one of the 'Two Great Onee-chans of Kuoh™' giggled while torturing a literal hellspawn.
Finally, the show ended, with Viser collapsed on the ground, charred and smoking, but still alive.
"Now, before I finish you off…" Rias walked forward, a bright red ball of pure, unadulterated destruction forming in her outstretched hand. "Any last words?"
'Holy shit, did Rias just take a level in badass?'
"Greeaagah…just end me…"
"Hmph. As you wish." She fired off a single shot of her magic, completely annihilating Viser.
Silence reigned as the dust settled.
"That was fucking awesome."
"What piece am I, Rias-sama?!" Issei asked, eager to know where he stood.
Rias chuckled. "You're the Pawn, Hyoudou-san."
The pervert's enthusiasm dropped harder than Projared's Youtube career, causing Kuraima to chuckle at his misfortune.
"Cheer up, Hyoudou-san." Rias comforted him. "Pawns are more powerful than you think. After all, you took up all eight of my Pawn pieces."
"Huh? What does that mean?"
"It means that you've got great potential, Ise."
"R-Really!?"
Kuraima had to admit, it was actually a bit heartwarming to watch the redhead giving him some motivation.
Rias turned around to address her peerage. "Alright, now it's time to clean up this place and hide any evidence of supernatural activity."
As the group went around, cleaning up various animal skeletons Viser had stripped clean (Luckily she didn't have enough time to settle in and hunt humans), Kuraima came upon a curious set of glowing vials filled with a vicious green liquid.
"Huh. Gross, but kinda cool, I guess…"
He picked one up, wiggling it to slosh the fluid around.
"Viser was supposedly able shoot acid from her breasts." The white-haired little Devil spoke up from behind him.
…
…
…
"Oh. That's...that's actually...I'm just gonna put this back now."
'...is this Greek Mythology? If it ain't Deviantart then it's probably the Greeks.'
—
[Later that evening...]
"Ha!"
Kuraima was busy training in his backyard to improve his combat skills. After what he's seen and been through, he needed to get stronger.
His knife, enchanted by a blessing, pierced through a humanoid sandbag, causing sand to spill forth from the tear.
He'd managed to improve his [Blessing] to the point where, mathematically speaking, he could improve an object's capabilities up to 16%. It's not much, but the difference could mean life or death. He could also now confer blessing on slightly more complex objects, such as the multiple segments of the retractable baton he'd bought and was currently using to bash the sand-dummy's head in.
After a while, the Astral champion sat down on the porch step to cool off and drink whatever off brand Gatorade he'd bought.
Honestly it was really fuckin' delicious.
As the third-year pulled the bottle away, he looked up at the practice dummy, and…
Found himself in the mid-day desert.
'Nani the fuck.'
No matter how much he wanted to speak up with his amatuer linguistics joke, his mouth wouldn't open nor would his body respond to his surprise.
"Heh," 'Kuraima' said. His own body was moving and talking against his will. How utterly de-FUCKING-lightful. He was tempted to add another f-bomb to that word, but it just wouldn't roll off the tongue quite as well.
"I have trained for this day! A challenge to prove my worth! If I fail, then please, by the name of Astrum Deus, be it in a blaze of glory!"
His body reached to the side, drawing a rather beautiful katana.
'A katana. Geez, talk about super fucking generic. This guy must be a huge fucking weaboo. But hey, a Ninjato! That's a type of katana you don't see too much of in anime shows!' Kuraima thought, the irony of his latter statement a bit lost on him.
…
…
…
'...I want that sword so I can put it up on my wall. Maybe as a trophy.'
His eyes glanced over at the sword. Huh. So his eyes still had control, which was pretty unsettling, to say the least, but he shrugged it off for now.
A shiny, steel-gray blade with a golden guard and a nice velvet-colored grip.
[Blade of the Slime King]
Huh. Interesting.
"Great Scourge, reveal yourself to me!"
Suddenly, the ground began to rumble. Kuraima mentally screamed at "himself" to bail, but his body stood his ground, holding the blade at the ready.
A sandstorm picked up as the smooth desert dunes all but burst, revealing a massive behemoth of a worm.
[Desert Scourge]
Hoo boy.
As "Kuraima" charged forward, blade in hand, the Desert Scourge plunged down at "him", maw wide open and hungry for an appetizer.
To the real Kuraima, it all became a blur.
"w…..r…"
SLASH!
"wat...r"
GROAAAAAAR!
"Water…!"
Kuraima suddenly snapped out of his weird delusion, feeling something scrap against his ankles.
It was the fucking Worm Thot, parched, malnourished, and ultimately at his mercy.
"Please…" She coughed, her voice dry as could be, "...H...help."
Kuraima thought for a while.
"...They can't be reasoned with…" Rias' voice replayed in his mind.
And so, the Astral Student drew his blade, and down came his blade upon the flesh…
…
…
...
...the flesh of dinner, of course!
Kuraima might've been a master of instant noodles— a skill which may serve quite nicely in college— but he knew how to cook up a decent fish meal.
So here he was, sitting here, eating a nice dinner with someone who had literally attempted to murder him a week ago with the intention of cannibalizing his corpse.
You didn't really think he had the balls to finish the job, did you?
Well, he didn't. He hasn't reached that character arc yet.
She honestly just looked so pitiful, crawling on the ground while clutching her stomach where he'd stabbed her during their previous encounter.
So after getting her cleaned up and bandaged up, he decided to shower his wimp-induced mercy upon her.
"So how is it?" He asked her, still wary that he was in the presence of a killer.
"So good ...thank you…" She said in-between bites.
Kuraima couldn't help but smile a little.
Truth be told, once she had that bath, she didn't look all that bad. The dried padding of flakey...chitin…(?), had washed right off, revealing a layer of clean, slightly sunbaked skin.
With this new development, she was most definitely a 5.8/10.
Why a 5.8? He was still a bit grossed out by the whole "body was full of parasitic worms" thing.
The student still wasn't sure if Sakura Matou had it worse.
…..Okay. Maybe her weird teeth warranted a 5.5/10.
Kuraima shrugged that train of thought away.
"So, is there any reason why you're not trying to kill me?"
The gal looked up at him. "W ...Well...I...you...spared my life when I tried to take yours…"
"...Aight, fair enough."
"W-Wait, that's it?! You're just gonna forgive me, just like that?!"
"Heh, I dunno. That was the first time I had someone actively trying to kill me. Hell, I still feel dead inside for killing your buddy…"
Don't think about it.
Don't think about how you watched the life fade from his eyes as you pierced his abdomen with your combat knife, the enemy coughing up the last of his lifeblood.
Don't think about the rush of adrenaline you felt upon ending another person's life—
"Eh, that guy was a bit of a dick to be honest."
They both laughed. Guilt abruptly absolved!
"Heh. Say, need to crash here for the night?"
"I suppose I shall, given the circumstances."
"Eh, alright. I got a spare bedroom that I don't really use. Might be dusty, though."
"Doesn't bother me a bit, honestly!"
And so Kuraima had a new housemate.
[Kuraima's dreamscape]
That night, when Kuraima went to sleep, he found himself back in that desert, spectating that weeb guy's point of view.
He felt the sting of "his" wounds as he sat atop the carcasses of the massive Desert Scourges.
Why the hell was he having these visions now of all times? A little late for that, don't you think? The whole fiasco was like what, about a week ago?
"Hey!" A voice called out. "Not bad, kiddo!" Kuraima looked over at the source of the voice; a rather orthodox-looking man. Well, normal-looking save for his obviously strange eyes that seemed oddly bright with equally bright coloration.
He wanted to say that they were...pixelated, in a way? Weird.
"Ah, sensei!" His body moved to get up and bow before the newcomer. "I have completed the task that you have bestowed upon me!"
The strange man looked around, seeing the corpses of not one but three worms.
"Wait, you took down three Scourges?"
"It was a tough battle, sensei!"
"...I see. Looks like you've got what it takes to become Terraria's Astral Champion after all."
"You really believe so?"
"Heh, I know so, buddy. Also, please drop the whole sensei thing. Clearly, Alizarin's let you watch one too many of those Asian cartoons."
"With all due respect, sir, they're not cartoons, they—"
"That they're a way of life for the most cultured of men? Yeah yeah, whatever. That big red hairball said those exact same words. Besides, I'm just messin' with ya."
"By the way, big red's father-in-law wanted you to have this." The man pulled out a glowing orb, which ominously trailed with otherworldly magics.
[The Desert Scourge...truly, a beast born of the consequences.] Spoke a voice from the sphere, causing it to pulsate. [Perhaps if I had not acted so rashly, there'd be a kingdom still thriving here. However, there is no use in dwelling on the past.]
A moment of silence.
[Still, for you to go as far and clean my dirty work in exchange for nothing of monetary value...truly, you are a strange one. If you so wish to prove yourself, then the two of you have a tough and arduous journey ahead. But I believe in you, young champion.]
"I wouldn't have it any other way. With the Solar Apostle to guide me, no task shall be above me! Dare I say, I shall be Over Heaven!"
"Heh, now you're just spouting references. Come on, let's go get lunch."
Kuraima was really, really confused as to what the hell was going on.
But he knew a Jojo reference when heard one, so at least he had that going for him.
Author's notes
Allow me to say this before you ask…
Highschool DxD is a harem anime and that's a fact.
Facts don't care about Kuraima's feelings.
But no, Kuraima will not frick the Scourge.