Chapter 1:
Overture, Curtain Lights

Guest starring
ALEX BRIGHTMAN as Adam
JESSICA VOSK as Lute
and RICHARD EPCAR as Matthew

"Well, hello there, you wayward Sinner! Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do—that's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar!

Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands, as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you! Here we offer fun things, such as somewhat functional staff and 24-hour pest control. Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!"

As the TV shut off, Alastor stood off to the side, while Charlie, Vaggie, Augie and the others were sitting on the couch. "So, what do you think?" asked the Radio Demon.

To say Charlie and Vaggie were surprised by the commercial would be an understatement.

Vaggie, naturally, was the first to speak up. "I'm sorry. What the fuck was that?"

"Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor," said Charlie. "I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit... off? We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um…"

"Bad," replied Vaggie abruptly. "The word you're looking for is 'bad'."

Alastor didn't even flinch. "Funny, I was going for hilarious," he replied, glib.

"It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole damn point!" Vaggie stated.

"Vaggie is right, Alastor," said Augie. "Like we discussed, the commercial was to let sinners know we're trying to help them."

"Well, old chap, I haven't been active in Hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself…" Alastor replied, tapping the TV with his staff. "But, you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement. So, I had a little fun with it."

"Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it?" Vaggie snipped. "Well, this is not what we want to represent us! When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us! Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!"

Just then, a hand was raised from the couch, prompting everyone to turn.

Said hand belonged to Angel Dust. "If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?" he commented.

Vaggie's face went flat. "Angel…you're a porn star," she responded.

"Ahp-bap-bup! A famous porn star," clarified Angel. "I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' these walls down to get in~!"

Vaggie crossed her arms. "We are not filming porn," she retorted. "Especially not as a commercial."

"Just sayin', most folks like to try before they buy," Angel shrugged. "After all, sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mister fancy talk-creepy voice here, you'd be rollin' in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel."

Alastor let off a brief "HA!" followed by, "Never going to happen."

"Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel…" said Charlie. "But I really don't want to exploit you in that way."

Angel scoffed. "Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited!" he retorted. "I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs…I got the lung capacity. Ha-ha! Oh, I got the legs~! The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits…"

Charlie looked on nervously, until her phone rang. At least it was an escape. "Hold that thought!" she called. "I'll be right back."

Angel smirked. "I could keep going all night, baby~!" he called.

"I bet you've heard that one before," Augie remarked.

Angel placed his beer down and raised one of his hands. "Hey, I have a question," he said. "If Mister Freaky-Face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?"

"Oh, trust me…" Alastor responded, giving an ominous, intimidating smile. "...I can."

"Why do you think I'm here?" asked Husk, polishing a mug. "You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you bastards bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me to?"

As he continued polishing, Niffty popped up from behind the counter. "I like being forced~" she purred.

Husk winced. "Keep that to yourself, Niff," he retorted.

"What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers?" Angel asked, sidling up to Husk.

Husk furrowed his brow. "Call me Whiskers again, and I'll jam that bottle down your throat."

"Kinky~" Angel smirked. "C'mon, keep talking dirty."

Vaggie sighed. "Angel, let Husk do his job," she informed the spider demon. "And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to."

"I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid," Angel spoke up. "We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?"

"Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be," said Vaggie. "Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible."

"Plus you've made it clear you're only here because you don't have to pay rent," Augie responded. "Not that you actually care about the cause."

Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder. "Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free," he replied. "Crack is expensive."

Augie rolled his eyes. Yup…doesn't care one bit.

"VAGGIE, UNCLE, HOLY SHIT!" Charlie squeaked, overcome with joy.

Vaggie and Augie both yelped, startled. "Ah! What?!" they asked.

Charlie excitedly gestured for them to come over.

"Whaddya suppose has got her all in a tizzy this time?" Augie queried.

Vaggie smiled a little, in spite of herself. "With Charlie…who knows?" she replied as they went over, seeing Charlie bouncing around giddily.

"What's going on?" the moth demon asked.

Charlie took a deep breath before she started talking. "My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet…he asked if I could go instead!" she hyperventilated, pulling Vaggie up to her face.

Vaggie was, for lack of a better word, befuddled. "But—but, the extermination just happened," she said. "What could they want this soon after—"

" I can do this! Somehow, I know it! I'll get Heaven behind my plans… " began Charlie.

Vaggie reached out to her girlfriend. "Charlie, hold on…" she started.

But the princess of Hell was on a roll. " There's just no way, I could blow it…Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! " she continued.

"It's just a meeting," Vaggie said.

" To change their minds…and touch their hearts " continued Charlie. " Or... whatever angels have! "

"This could be bad…" winced Vaggie.

Charlie trotted over to her girlfriend. " Cheer up, Vaggie; This could be swell! " she continued as she twirled her around. " Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell~! "

Vaggie was twirled away, but caught herself. "Okay, but just don't…" she started. "...sing to them."

Angel, Alastor, Niffty, Keekee, and Augie were already at the doorway. "Dat bitch is halfway down the street!" Angel commented.

Vaggie's face became one of pure terror. "Is she—?" she began.

Angel was about to burst out laughing. "Oh, she's dancin'!" he replied.

Vaggie facepalmed. "Ugh, no…" she sighed before turning to Augie. "You know what to do, right?"

"Watch out for Charlie, make sure she gets there safe, and help her out!" Augie replied, halfway through zipping up his suit. "Got it! Hey, Chah-lie! Wait for me!" he yelped as he stumbled out the door.

And so, Charlie made her way merrily down the streets of Pentagram City, in spite of the dead demons, gang wars, and gratuitous sexual violence occuring around her.

" There's a warm, fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air, " she continued, leaning against a window—which belonged to a sex dungeon. " Every street so revealing, it's hard not to stare! "

Inside, a Hellhound was humping an imp wearing a sadomasochism mask. They noticed her, and Charlie awkwardly fled.

" It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre, " she sang, before picking up a nasty odor. " If you don't mind the smell... "

Glancing down, she saw she stepped in the decaying entrails of a dead shark demon. Augie picked her up and did a little twirl with her before spinning her onto the sidewalk.

" It's a happy day in Hell! " she finished. "Hi, Uncle Augie! Did you come to wish me luck?"

"Better yet, kiddo; I decided I'd give you a little company!" Augie responded. "After all, angels are kinda tricky."

"Alright, let's make this a duet!" Charlie replied, before waving at a demon on a bench with a spoon filled with meth. "Hi, mister!" she chirped.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!" the demon snapped back.

From overhead, a demon opened his window, revealing the inside of his apartment was ablaze. " There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul " he sang.

Charlie waved, before seeing another demon scurry onto a bigger guy. " And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! "

"Hoo-boy…" Augie winced as he pulled Charlie away, only to bump into a hooded demon carrying an axe.

" Doing what is required, we all have our role… " the hooded demon belted out.

A sinner walked by with a knife in one eye. " I'm not doin' well! " he sang.

" Another shitty day in Hell! " the other demons sang as Augie helped Charlie onto a destroyed car.

" If I can show them the dream I've dreamed, " sang Charlie. " That any soul can change! "

(Vaggie: Those angels' minds are hard to change. )

" Then they will know everyone can be redeemed, " added Augie. " From the evil to the strange! "

(Vaggie: They're bloodthirsty and deranged! )

Climbing off the car, Charlie continued walking. " I can hear all their stories, the lost and displaced, " she continued. " And I know that they're more of an acquired taste. "

" But if ya open the door, and ya give them a place, " sang Augie as he pulled Charlie onto a passing truck. " At your Hazbin Hotel~! It'll be a happy day in Hell! "

The truck turned and headed off through the other districts.

" From the porn studio, where the cinephiles go, " Charlie sang as she saw several demons salivating over what was on TV. " To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows! "

She and Augie hopped off the truck once they reached Cannibal Town.

" To the Cannibal Town, where they don't wear a frown 'cause— " Charlie started, before she got an eyeful of blood from a messily devoured corpse. "Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?!" she screamed.

Augie got out a water bottle and proceeded to flush her eye out while Charlie continued.

" And I don't give a crow that his brains got in my eye! " she sang as Augie wiped her eye.

" Cause I know I can spare them. From Heaven's genocide! "

" I can do this, (Attagirl, Charlie!) I just know it! "

(Sinner #1: There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul! )

" I'll get Heaven behind my plans! There's just no way I could blow it… "

(Sinner #2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole!)

" Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! " Charlie sang. " To change their minds… "

At that moment, a slug with a trenchcoat came over, and flashed his nude body in front of Charlie. " And touch my parts! " he sang.

Charlie backed off, and Augie growled at him. "Uh...no, thank you. I'm just gonna…" she continued. " Fulfill my destiny! "

The slug flasher shrugged it off. "Your loss, bitch!" he responded before he walked off.

" I can already tell! " Charlie sang, reaching the climax with Augie as they arrived at the Heaven Embassy.

" Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell~! " they sang, concluding their musical number.

And so, the two made it to the heaven embassy building and went inside.

Upon entering, they saw that the halls were totally empty.

"Hel-lo?" called Charlie, the only response being the echo of her own voice. "Creepy…"

She and Augie headed to the front desk, where only a single bell sat. She tapped the bell to ring it, and instantly, a golden scroll and feather quill floated down to her.

Augie picked it up and his eyes ran over it. [insert typewriter sound effect here] Then he handed it back to Charlie.

"Oh, okay…" she said as she signed it. "Also creepy."

The scroll and feather flew up before they vanished. Nearby, a pair of twin doors slid open to show Charlie and Augie the meeting room. Both of them entered the room, curious.

"Uh...hello?" called Charlie. "Is anyone here?"

"Sup!" a voice called out as the lights suddenly turned on.

"Oh!" exclaimed Charlie, as she and Augie looked to the far end of a table, seeing three angels in attendance.

One was one of the Exorcists, judging from her mask/helmet and dress.

Another had long, ram-like horns, golden eyes and whatnot.

The third one was significantly taller than everyone else in the room. He had emerald-green eyes, neatly groomed blond hair, a chiseled jawline with a small scar on the right side of his chin, and a broad shouldered, muscular build.

The demon princess collected herself and spoke. "Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.

"Yeah, I know," replied the second angel.

"Okay, well…" Charlie said, holding out her hand as the second angel polished off one of the ribs he was eating. "It's nice to meet you."

"Totally," the second angel said. "It's nice to meet you, too." And he held out his hand.

As Charlie reached over, her hand phased right through his, much to her shock.

"Ha! I fucking got you!" the angel guffawed before he turned to his subordinate. "Did you see that?"

The Exorcist nodded once.

"Hah! Good shit," smirked the angel.

"So, wait. You aren't actually here?" Charlie asked,

"They're not, but I am," replied the taller angel in a deep baritone [think Gary Owens!].

"Psh, you think I'd come down there?" the previous angel guffawed. "No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But it's such a bummer, man! Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? All that fire-and-brimstone shit brings the vibe down!"

Charlie glanced at Augie, then turned back. "Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet," she said. "There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about—"

But then the angel pressed his holographic hand against Charlie's mouth.

"Hey, hey-hey-heyyyy…slow down. We've got time!" he insisted. "How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you."

He pushed the plate of ribs he'd been eating from towards Charlie. "Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it."

Augie raised a brow. Ribs, huh? And yet, I don't smell anything from them, he thought.

"Uh...thanks," said Charlie, as she reached out for one.

"Those are a hologram too," the taller angel warned.

The first angel looked visibly irritated. "Dammit, a perfectly good gag, down the friggin' tubes," he muttered, crossing his arms.

"In case you forgot, Adam…" glowered the taller angel. "We're here to talk business, not pull petty pranks!"

Augie's brows shot into the air. "This is Adam?" he balked. "As in, Adam and Eve?"

That WOULD explain the thing with the ribs, he thought.

"Seriously?" asked Charlie. "...that explains so much…" she muttered.

"Yep," nodded Augie. "Kiddo, say hello to the chump your mother used to suck face with."

"Hey! Who are you callin' a chump, chum!" Adam shot back.

"Big talk for mister first man," snorted Augie. "Didn't even have the balls to come down here in person!"

"You better watch it, before I come down there myself and turn your ass into fish sticks!" the long-horned angel angrily shouted while clenching his fist.

"Bring it on, bitch!" Augie shot back. "Maybe I'll mount yer stupid horns on my wall after I rip those wings off and fry 'em in oil!"

"Alright, alright! That's enough!" the taller angel said as he put himself between the two. "...by the way, I'm Matthew."

Augie sat back down, and Adam sat back down, visibly pouting while his subordinate patted his shoulders gently.

"I'm fine, Lute," he told her. "Unrelated note, remind me to look up fish recipes when this is over."

The Exorcist nodded briskly.

Charlie cleared her throat. "So…Adam, you seem like a smart—well, stand-up guy," she began.

Adam was picking his teeth. "Uh-huh," he said. "Shit, I knew I should've brought toothpicks…"

"And I know you are the leader of the angels," Charlie continued. "And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary, a—a genius!"

Adam was clearly eating this up. "I mean, your words, babe," he grinned.

Augie just rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed.

"Who would really love to put his name on something," Charlie continued.

"Fuckin' love putting my name on shit!" Adam beamed. "Shit's the best!"

Augie stifled a snicker at that.

"What?" Adam asked.

"Nothing…" Augie responded. "But would you like a napkin, or some toilet paper to wipe your mouth?!" he exclaimed before he fell over laughing.

"It's a solution to our biggest problem!" Charlie continued, without missing a beat.

Adam blinked. "Oh, herpes," he remarked. "Yeah, that's a bitch."

Charlie shook her head. "No! Our...other biggest problem," she stated.

"Oh…uh...ugly people?" asked Adam, shooting a glance at the readers—and if he knows what's good for him, he'll knock that shit off. "Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem."

"She's talking about the exterminations," the towering angel said to Adam.

"Uh, that's not a problem," Adam retorted. "We got that covered! Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?"

The exorcist responded quickly and without hesitation. "Got a good 275 this year, sir," she replied.

"275? Whoa, badass! SOMEBODY's going for the high-score ranking!" Adam laughed as he raised a fist. "Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it."

Lute returned the fist bump dutifully and without hesitation.

"Uh, no, not awesome!" Charlie replied. "Those are my people. You know that, right?"

"Oh, yeah," smirked Adam. "That must suck for you!" he guffawed.

So Charlie tried to make him see reason. "But these are souls—human souls, just the same as the ones you have up in heaven!" she insisted.

Lute leaned forward with a cold intensity. "They are not the same," she remarked. "They had their chance and they earned damnation."

"You're wrong," Charlie replied. "Sinners have made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes."

"Angels don't make mistakes," Lute shot back.

Charlie raised a brow. "You really think that," she remarked.

"I know that," Lute replied, her tone firm.

"Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life," Adam chimed in.

"Oh, really?" Augie asked, scurrying to his feet and clearing his throat. " 'Hey, Eve, whatcha got there?' " he asked in an imitation of Adam's voice. " 'Well, Adam, this snake gave me this fruit that said it'd make us really wise if we ate it!' " he said in a high-pitched register. " 'Bitchin'! As the first man, I get the next bite!' " he said before making loud chewing noises. "...that ring any bells, mister 'Never Made A Mistake'?"

"It was free knowledge, man! Get off my dick!" snapped Adam.

"Sure, when you put it away, zip your pants up, and quit actin' like an over-privileged, boozed-up frat boy!" Augie shot back.

"Permission to gut him, sir?" Lute asked as she clutched her spear.

"Denied!" came Matthew's stern response.

Lute glowered under her mask as she stomped towards Charlie. "Let's make something clear: the only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your filthy hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist's blade," she hissed, flashing her spear. "How does it feel to know how little you matter?"

"Keep up that nonsense with the spear, and I'll show you something really sharp," Augie growled, flashing his teeth.

"Try it, nugget," Lute sneered, and then the both of them were in each other's face, growling at each other.

"Oops, almost out of time!" Adam said suddenly.

"No thanks to you," Matthew snarled.

Adam rolled his eyes. "Guess we should get into it…" he cracked his neck.

"Oh, fuck!" exclaimed Charlie as she scrambled to present her plan, summoning her papers via a portal. "Okay, I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time, and I feel like you weren't hearing me before, so here it goes!"

I know Hell's population is out of control

It's a bad situation, it's taking a toll.

If we rehab these Sinners, and cleanse all their souls…

At my Hazbin Hotel—

"Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!" Charlie exclaimed as she put down the drawings she was holding and grabbed another pair. "Right! Extermination!"

"Probably should've led with that," Augie sighed.

I know you guys fly down, just to kill once a year.

And it must be annoying, to schlep all the way here.

If they join you in Heaven, that trip disappears!

You can wave that chore farewell~!

(deep breath) It'll be a happy day in—

Adam cut her off right then, and the music switched to a more rock-and-roll-ish vibe.

Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time.

If what you're suggesting is letting them climb…

Up the ladder; Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates?

Charlie: Well, uh—

Adam: Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates!

'Cause Hell is forever, whether you like it or not.

Had their chance to behave better, Now they boil in the pot!

'Cause the rules are black and white. / There's no use in tryin' to fight it.

They're burnin' for their lives, until we kill 'em again~!

Charlie: Okay, but—

But, much to Matthew's displeasure, Adam was on a roll.

Adam: Just try to chillax, babe! You're wasting your breath.

Charlie: Hehe...

Adam: Did I hear you imply that they don't deserve death?

Are they Winners?/ Are they Sinners?

'Cause it's cut and dry.

Charlie: Well, actually, if you take a look—

Adam: Fair is fair, an eye for an eye!

With that, he swooped up to the ceiling.

And when all's said and done (Said and done)

There's the question of fun (Fun)

And for those of us with Divine Ordainment.

Extermination is entertainment!

Adam then swooped into the air, swinging Lute around.

Bow-now-now-nownow/Guitar solo, fuck yeah!

And he kept on vocalizing before four golden mirages of Exorcists appeared, surrounding Charlie from all sides. They closed in on her, clapping in tune while Augie snarled at them.

Hell is forever, whether you like it or not/ Had their chance to behave better.

(Charlie: Where the hell did you people come from?!)

Now they boil in the pot.

'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in tryin' to fight it.

They're burnin' for their lives.

Until we kill 'em again!

Fuckin' Hell is forever.

And it's meant to suck a lot.

So give up your dumb endeavor.

'Cause you don't have a shot!

Charlie got so angry that she changed into her demon form, making a growling noise as she incinerated the paper she was holding.

Long as I've got your attention, I guess I should probably mention…

That we've made the determi-nation.

To move up the next Extermination!

He flashed Charlie and Augie a golden scroll, upon which he'd written:

FUCK YOU,
I DO WHAT I WANT
—Adam

Charlie's blood went cold. "WHAT?!" she screamed.

Can't wait a whole year/to slaughter those little cunts.

I know it's just been a week/But we'll be back in six months!

And both the princess and her uncle were thrown out of the room. As Charlie got to her feet, she saw Adam waving evilly, and Lute making the "slit-throat" gesture at them both as the doors shut. At that very moment, Matthew beamed back up to heaven.

Charlie ran back to the door and fell against it, her fists slamming on the surface as she collapsed, her eyes wet.

"I really thought…I could convince them…" she said, her voice heavy.

"You might've convinced one," said Augie. "At least that Matthew guy was takin' the whole thing seriously."

"Hey, that's right!" Charlie realized. "He actually seemed interested in what I had to say…"

"Yeah, so this wasn't a total disaster, Chuck!" Augie reassured the demon princess.

Charlie wiped her eyes; in spite of things…there was still a little bit of hope.

MEANWHILE…

"And THAT'S how ya drop the hammer!" Adam cackled.

"I'd like to drop the hammer on that mutant trout," sniffed Lute.

"Hey, all in good time, danger-tits," said Adam. "Tell you what, in six months if he ain't dead already, you can mount him on your wall!"

Lute gave a wicked smile underneath her mask; such thoughts filled her with a sadistic sort of glee.

"Adam!" Matthew called.

"Ah, shit…" the arrogant angel said under his breath. "You wanted to talk, Matty?"

"It's Matthew, and I'll thank you to show your superiors the respect they've worked to earn," Matthew glowered, his tone stern. "Unlike you."

"Hey! I've been workin' plenty hard!" Adam insisted. "Who lived a million years until the big G decided it was time to let me come home?" he thumb-pointed to himself. "Yours truly!"

"That may be true, but since then you've grown arrogant and impatient," Matthew continued. "You're behaving less like a leader and more like a spoiled child who throws a tantrum when his favorite toy gets taken away."

"With all due respect, sir, Adam hasn't been resting on his laurels as of late," Lute said in Adam's defense. "He was and still is an active part of the exterminations."

"Exterminations, which you both happen to take a twisted sort of pleasure in," Matthew remarked. "Last I checked, this was to control population growth, not to help you get your rocks off."

"So what if we get a little excited while we're on the job?" Adam refuted. "We're still gettin' things done in the end, and besides, all those sinners are scum anyway."

"That does not give you the authority to move up the exterminations," Matthew responded as he grabbed Adam by his shirt collar. "The next extermination will happen in a year, as it has always been. But you and Lute will not be participating."

"WHAT?!" Lute and Adam exclaimed, mortified.

"Y-you can't do that!" Adam shrieked. "Lute's gotta rack up her points!"

But Matthew wouldn't have it. "If you're going to act like a child, then you are to be treated like one," he remarked.

"No, no, no, no! I see what this is," Adam snapped. "You actually believe in that demon bitch's stupid-ass hotel for redemption!"

"And what if I do?" Matthew glowered, towering over Adam by three heads. "Not all of us get our rocks off through indiscriminate murder."

"You can't do this, Matthew! We're the two leading figures in the exterminations!" Lute spat.

"Well, that may be, but I happen to be God's lead missionary," Matthew snapped. "So both of your sorry asses answer to ME."

Adam crossed his arms and started angrily muttering to himself.

"Do I make myself clear?" the taller angel asked.

Adam glanced up at him. "...transparent," he spat, discreetly crossing his fingers. He wasn't going to be denied his fun just yet.

"Good! Now return to your post and await further instructions," Matthew commanded as he walked away while tearing up Adam's golden scroll.

At that, Adam couldn't help but scowl.

Later on, back at the hotel…

Charlie and Augie headed back inside to see all of the residents gathered around their one working TV, when Vaggie got up and ran over to Charlie. "Charlie! How did it go?" she asked. "Did they listen?

Charlie looked a bit nervous. "Oh, they sure did… hear it. But, um—" she began.

"Well, we managed to make a connection with one of them, at least," said Augie.

"Oh, come here! We have something exciting to show you," Vaggie insisted, pulling Charlie over, while Augie followed behind. "Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air."

"I pulled a few limbs too!" Alastor chuckled.

Charlie did a double-take. "Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?" she asked.

Angel fluffed his chest with pride. "Yeah; one of my better performances, if I do say so myself," he agreed.

By now, Charlie was tearing up. "That's... that's amazing!" she gasped.

"Then let's get comfy and watch!" Augie said as he bounced out of his suit and landed on the couch.

On the screen, everyone was gathered before the entrance. "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel—"

…and then it got cut off by a breaking news report.

"AAAAAAAAUGH!" everyone groaned.

"Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before," said Katie Killjoy. "Do you know what that means, Tom?"

"No, what does that mean, Katie?" asked Tom.

"It means we're all royally fucked!" Katie chirped, her eye twitching. "And without a drop of lube to go around!"

Up on the clock tower, the countdown lowered to 176 days…followed by more screaming in horror from outside, as well as massive rioting.

"...ah, shit," groaned Augie.

ELSEWHERE…

As a lone drone scoured the area, it came upon something most concerning—an Exorcist's corpse!

"We found the body, sir," said Lute, watching from the monitor room. "They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!"

Adam raised a hand. "No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry," he grinned wickedly. "When we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!"

And on Adam's wicked grin, we...

FADE TO BLACK.

To answer your question, luckyluke11032002: Yes, Augie is indeed small. He's two-foot-3, and that's why he has to wear the suit. In Hell, little guys tend to get stepped on.

In the meantime, we've just met Adam, Lute, and their superior, Matthew. Voice-wise, he was inspired by Commander Feral from SWAT Kats. And yeah, he's more of the Token Good Teammate of the Angels. Let's just say that he'll be playing more of a part as we continue on.

NEXT TIME: Vox learns that Alastor's back in town, and other such things happen.

Keep those reviews a-coming, okay?