Chapter 5: First Love and First Time
"This is such a good movie." Lorelai said, while the credits of Casablanca started rolling on the screen.
"Yeah, it would've been if you didn't talk for half of it. I missed a lot of dialogues." Luke answered, rolling his eyes. "Tomorrow is my choice, and you remember, whoever chooses the movie, controls the movie night. So no talking." It was a lazy Friday evening, 10th of January. Lorelai's parents left for London to visit Richard's mother. They left before New Years Eve and were coming back on January 13th. So that gave Luke and Lorelai a lot of freedom. They could hang out, go on dates and didn't have to deal with Emily Gilmore. Lorelai spent New Year's Eve with Luke and his family in Stars Hollow. They attended Miss Patty's party and boy, was it fun. Currently, they were sitting in Lorelai's house, but tomorrow they wanted to go to Luke's place. As the return of Emily and Richard was getting closer, they were trying to squeeze as many dates as they could.
"Oh, it's almost 10 PM." Luke said when he looked at his watch. "I have to go, I promised my dad I'll be back at 11." He got up off the couch and started gathering his things.
"You really have to go? You know you could sleep here, right?"
"You know my dad won't allow it."
"He let you do it, once, three months ago at my party, remember?"
"Yes, but we weren't dating back then. I don't think he trusts me around you now." He said, blushing a little. They have been going out for more than three months, and both of them were wondering quietly if maybe it was time to take it to the next level. They haven't gone further than kissing yet, however, neither of them would bring up the subject to one another.
Luke didn't want Lorelai to think that he was pressuring her to anything or that he was in it only for sex. She was also younger than him, and he thought that if she didn't bring it up, then she simply wasn't ready yet. So he was more than happy to give her however much time she needed.
Lorelai, on the other hand, has been feeling ready for a while now. Specifically, from the moment that they shared on her balcony at the Christmas Party. From the moment she realized she loved him. She still hasn't said those words to him out loud, terrified that he wouldn't feel the same way and that she would only freak him out and make him want to run away. But she knew that what she felt was true, and she felt ready for sex. She was of course scared, the idea of getting naked in front of anybody, being so vulnerable was very frightening. However, she knew that she wanted her first time to be with Luke. There was only one thing that was stopping her. She wasn't sure if her first time would also be Luke's first time. He knew she had a girlfriend before her, but she didn't know how far they went. And she was too scared to ask. And the idea of her being his second choice made her heart ache.
"What could your father possibly think that you could do with me at night?" She raised her eyebrow teasingly. "Other than sleeping of course"
"Oh, I don't know, boy and a girl, together alone. A lot could happen." He smiled and gave her a quick kiss at the nose. "I really have to go. But we will see each other tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you at the bus stop at 10."
"Okay, bye, hon. Call me when you get home safe." She said and gave him a kiss goodbye.
"I will. Bye." He said and walked out the door, leaving Lorelai alone with her thoughts.
"There you are." Luke said when he finally saw his girlfriend walking out of the bus, exactly 1 hour later than she was supposed to be. "You know that it's freezing, right? You could've at least called from home, saying you'll be late."
"Oh, my poor little baby," she said mockingly after she gave him a quick kiss. "I just assumed that you would've known by now that I'm always late, through no fault of my own, of course. I swear, my own clocks are sabotaging me."
"Of course they are." He rolled his eyes. "Actually I did know that you were going to be late, so I showed up here at 10:30. But it was still half an hour too early for you."
"So you're saying that if I showed up here on time, I would be cold and lonely, waiting for you for half an hour?" She gasped theatrically, teasing him.
"Oh, gee. What can I say now? Sorry, honey, I'll be better next time?"
"Much better" she smiled widely. "Okay, so what's on the agenda for tonight?"
They were walking around town square, holding hands. Luke's dad gave them a wave from his shop and Miss Patty shouted hello when she saw them from her studio. Lorelai couldn't help but think that she felt more at home here, than at her actual house.
"Well, my dad is working till late tonight, cause he expects some deliveries, and Liz is staying at her friend's place over the weekend. So we have the house to ourselves. We can walk around a bit, then pizza at Joe's and then we can go home and watch a movie. I rented Shining."
"Sounds great. But we're gonna have to go to Doose's market after pizza."
"Why?"
"Because, we have to buy snacks for the movie."
"But we'll be eating pizza before. Isn't it enough?"
"Oh no,no,no. How many times do I need to tell you that? Movie nights require snacks. A lot of snacks. And it doesn't matter what we ate before."
"Of course, how silly of me." He laughed. They were so busy with their discussion that they almost bumped into someone on the street corner.
"Oops, sorry." Luke said before he noticed who was standing in front of him. "Rachel, hi. What are you doing here?"
"I live here, remember?" Rachel answered while Lorelai gave her a quick glance. Till now, she only heard about Luke's ex-girlfriend, because despite her living in the same small town as Luke, luckily Lorelai never happened to bump into her while visiting. And now that she has, she could no longer picture Rachel as very ugly, because there she was, looking all pretty and smiling widely at her man.
"Yeah, that's right." Luke said, feeling stupid. Of course she was living here and it was just a matter of time because they saw each other again. "Well, we're in a hurry. It was good seeing you." He took Lorelai's hand and tried to walk away as quickly as possible, but Rachel stopped then.
"Yeah, it's been a while. I'm sure you'll find a minute to introduce me to your new friend." She smiled at Lorelai, but she didn't return it. It seemed fake to her, or maybe it was all due to the jealousy burning inside her.
"Hi, I'm Lorelai, Luke's you must be Rachel, his ex." She said putting an accent on the words girlfriend and ex.
"Yes, I am. Nice to meet you, Lorelai. So I guess school in Hartford is not so bad, huh, Luke? And if I remember correctly you told me in September that you hate the idea of going to a school full of snobs."
"Well, there is an expectation to every rule." Luke answered and quickly added "As I said before, we really have to go. Bye Rachel."
"Bye Lorelai, Bye Luke. It was nice catching up. Tell your dad I said hi."
"I will." Luke answered and soon they were out of her sight.
But certainly not out of mind. Lorelai couldn't stop thinking about her. She used to feel threatened by only the idea of Rachel and now that she met her it was only worse. Also, she was kind of a bitch in Lorelai's opinion. Pretending to be polite, but saying little mean things, such as mentioning the snobs from Hartford or telling Luke to say hi to his dad, as if she was trying to show Lorelai that she had a relationship with Luke and his family.
Luke had a feeling that Lorelai was deep in her thoughts and whatever she was thinking wasn't good. And he couldn't help but think that this short interaction with Rachel was gonna ruin their whole weekend.
"Are you sure you're okay? You didn't eat much at Joe's." Luke asked as they walked to his house.
Things were a little awkward since they bumped into Rachel. They walked around and ate pizza as they planned earlier, but Lorelai didn't talk much and only ate half a pizza, which were both indicators that she was not okay. And when they went to Doose's market to buy movie snacks she told him to just pick something, which never happened since he met her. Movie snacks were a saint thing for Lorelai. She always had to choose them herself. He knew she wasn't comfortable after seeing Rachel, but he thought it would've passed by now. Not to mention that she didn't just seem uncomfortable. She also seemed a little pissed. But he didn't know why on earth she would be mad at him.
"I already told you, I'm fine." She snapped at him.
"Yeah, you seem perfectly fine." He said sarcastically.
"Fine, I am mad, I don't want to watch this stupid movie and I just want to go home."
"You love Shining. Can't you just tell me why you're so pissed?" He was getting angry now, too. Why couldn't she just be straight with him.
"Alright, you wanna know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking you lied to me."
"What?" He asked surprised. He honestly had no idea what she was talking about.
"You told me that you dated her last year, but split up before summer break. So why would you talk to her in September?" She said, remembering how Rachel mentioned that Luke talked to her right before transferring to her school.
"We did split up before summer break. But we were still in the same school, which has about a 100 students, so it really was hard to not talk to each other. We occasionally would bump into each other and exchange a few words. And the last time it happened I was just about to transfer to your high school. So I talked about how I wished I didn't have to change schools because I was afraid of the Hartford snobs. But this part you already know. If I remember correctly, this was even something we have bonded over." Luke explained, but Lorelai didn't seem so convinced. "Lorelai, I swear, I'm over Rachel. And I've been over her for a really long time. We had dated for 3 months, almost a year ago. Looking back at it now, I can tell you, it was nothing. "
But apparently it wasn't the right thing to say either.
"So 3 months of relationship mean nothing to you? Well, I don't know if you know this Luke, but we're also going out for only 3 months. So if 3 months is nothing, then I guess it should be over between us. Time for a girlfriend update." She yelled at him, upset.
"That is not what I said, damn it. You should listen better instead of getting pissed at me." He yelled back at her. It was instinct. He didn't like being yelled at, his reaction to someone being angry was to also get angry. But then he looked at Lorelai and saw that she had tears in her eyes. So he took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. He took a step closer to Lorelai and gently swiped away a tear from her cheek.
"I'm sorry, Lorelai. I didn't mean to yell." He said. "What I meant to say is that any amount of the time I spent with Rachel would've meant nothing to me at this point. Because looking back I know she wasn't the one for me. She means nothing compared to you."
"But there was a point when she meant something to you. So how could I possibly know that you won't be saying the same exact thing about me to some new girlfriend in a few months?" She asked.
"Because. I know what it's like to like someone very much. Because I liked Rachel very much. And I can even say that I thought she broke my heart when she said that I'm small-minded, boring and not enough for her. But when I met you… Lorelai, the feelings that I have for you are so much more than what I felt for Rachel. I could never have enough for you, even when you're saying something ridiculous or making fun of me or even making me angry - all it takes is for you to give me that big smile and cute hair twirl and I forget whatever I was mad about. When I'm not with you, I'm thinking of you. And I know now that Rachel never really broke my heart because it was never hers to break. What I'm trying to say is I love you, Lorelai. And that's the difference between you and Rachel. I know we're young and shit happens. But I love you now. And 50 years from now, no matter what happens next, you will always be my first love. So you will never mean nothing. You will always mean everything. " Luke was surprised with himself. He knew he loved Lorelai for a while now. But he never said anything, not wanting to drive her away. And here he was, doing the whole big romantic speech. But apparently it was exactly what Lorelai needed to hear. Because she took his face in her hands and kissed him. It was a long kiss and when they finally pulled away from each other, they were both out of breath.
"I love you, too, Luke. In case that wasn't clear." She smiled. It was such a relief for both of them to finally hear it from each other. "And I just need you to ask one more question and then we can forever drop the Rachel subject, I swear."
"Okay, shoot it."
"Did you ever sleep with her?" She mumbled a little quietly, but he still heard her question and looked at her stunned.
"God, no. We never got that far." He answered honestly.
"Good. Because I wanted us to be each other's firsts." She answered and kissed him deeply. It took a moment for him to register her words and he pulled away from her.
"What? You want to do it? Here? Now?" He asked, shocked. "But my dad.."
".. is working." Lorelai finished for him. She suddenly felt confident and more ready than ever before. The fact that she knew Luke loved her and didn't leave her guessing made her sure. "There's no time like a present, baby."
"Are you sure?" He asked one last time.
"I'm sure".
She was excited and terrified at the same time. She was shy while taking off her clothes but the way he looked at her made her feel like the most beautiful person in the world. No-one has ever looked at her this way. And though they were both virgins and pretty much were figuring it all out as they were going, she felt that it was right. She and Luke were right for each other. She didn't really believe in faith and destiny till now, but when he was laying on top of her so gently and saying he loved her, she somehow knew that it could be no coincidence that they met each other. That something brought them together on that first day of school. That it was always supposed to be him. And when they were done, lying next to each other, her head resting on his chest, she knew she made the right decision. She loved him and he loved her and that's what made it so incredibly special.
He was a little afraid that it would make things awkward between them, but when they were getting dressed, Lorelai simply stated that he had to take her back to Joe's because she hardly ate anything this afternoon and she was starving. So they smoothly resumed their little fun bickerings.
But when he walked her to the bus stop, told her he loved her one more time and kissed goodnight, that's when she really, truly felt it. She felt in her guts that this day was life changing. That nothing would ever be the same. And as she was driving back home she couldn't stop smiling.