RUBY

And so, she stands, a shadow amongst the light, a harbinger of the darkness. Evil is her blood, and malice is her body. She is a vessel for the greatest malevolence in all of creation, and now she stands amongst the bastions of hope.

"Ruby."

She, a viper, a snake in the grass, slithering through the beacon of civilisation. She, the wolf in sheep's clothing. She, the messenger of death and destruction.

"Ruby...?"

She has her mission, her task handed to her by her mistress of malice. She, who shall be the devil amongst angels, ready to poison and corrupt them all to the will of her dark god.

"Ruuuuuuby~"

She will wrap this beacon will flame, with the biting jaws and sharpened claws of her evil. She will tear through hope itself, rend the kingdoms of man asunder, wipe the world clean in the name of her lord.

She is the acolyte of fear, the princess of pain, the embodiment of darkness itself-

"RUBY!"

The princess of pain herself quickly jumped in place and let out a very evil shriek of surprise, before whirling around and casting an equally evil glare at her older sister. She, the architect of mankind's fall to the Grimm, stomped her feet on the ground and gave the blonde girl before her a very evil pout.

"Yang, I told you not to bother me while I'm plotting mankind's downfall!" Ruby Rose whined evilly.

"Mankind's- Ruby, you weren't plotting anything. Again," Yang gave her a raised eyebrow in response, "You were doing that thing where you monologue to yourself about how evil you are and how you're going to take over the world and junk."

Ruby frowned, This foolish woman still had yet to learn how to fear her. No matter. Once she had destroyed all of Beacon, she would learn true pain, true terror, and true fear-

"See, you're doing it right now!"

"Yaaaaaang!" Ruby stomped her feet again to assert her dominance, "Stop treating me like a kid! How am I supposed to bring about Beacon's downfall for the Grimm in the name of Salem's ambitions if you keep treating me like a toddler!?" Seriously, why was it this hard for her sister to treat her seriously as an agent of chaos?! It shouldn't be this difficult!

Yang smiled, "Ah, c'mon Ruby, you know that you'll always be my little baby sis to me! And I know that Auntie Salem feels the same way about you too!"

Ruby frowned again. Or maybe she hadn't stopped frowning. She wasn't sure anymore, she was getting too het up!

Ugh, if it wasn't her sister then of course it was Auntie Salem. Ever since she was just a little baby, her mother's honorary aunt Salem has treated her like a baby, and sure she enjoyed being spoiled rotten by her aunt and her increasingly excessive (but not unwelcome) gifts of baked goods and confectionary and weapon components ranging from pocket knives to artillery pieces, and sure she enjoyed being smothered with affection from not just her mother Summer and her Aunt Salem and a reluctant Aunt Raven whenever they were able to drag her out of whatever hole she and her tribe had dug themselves into (for some reason, she always seemed to be really really scared when around Auntie Salem, but Ruby was sure that was just her imagination), and sure, sure, she enjoyed being praised endlessly for everything that she did and-

The- the point is- THE POINT IS - that she was a big girl now, and she wanted to be treated as such. She was a fully grown evil villain now, and she deserved to be treated as such!

"You said 'As such' twice."

Ruby blinked, then jumped in place. Again. What the heck? When did Yang develop a mind reading semblance!?

"I didn't," Yang shrugged, "You were just talking to yourself. Again."

…Did-

"Everyone hear?" Yang looked around at all the other people on the airship on its way to Beacon looking at them, "Yep."

Curses! Now they all knew her evil plans! Oh, she would make them all pay for making a fool of her! She would flay them all alive and leave them to hang if it wasn't for the fact that rope around the neck was super uncomfortable and caused some serious chafing and she didn't want her enemies to be uncomfortable as they suffered!

"Either talking out loud or with the internal dialogue. Heh, never change sis," Yang said with a condescending smirk. Typical heroic arrogance! She will know true pain for this humiliation! "Seriously though, if you really want to take over the world, destroy all of Beacon, and take the Relic to give to Auntie Salem as a birthday gift-"

"It's not a birthday gift! It's a dark tome to an ancient god!"

"First of all, a tome is a scholarly book, not just some random object. Don't start throwing around terms you don't understand just because you thought they sounded edgy on the 'net. Secondly, if you really want the Relic like you keep saying that you do, then there's a simple way for you to do that."

"...No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yeppers."

"I am not using the puppy dog eyes!"

"C'mon, sis! You know how effective they are!"

"That's- Yang! That's the opposite of complete evil!"

"No it's not! How do you think Summer got Salem to stop being such a bitch to everyone?"

"Hey, Salem, do you think you could stop trying to kill me... and also stop being so mean to everyone?"

"What an absurd thing to ask. I'll have you know-"

"Pleeeeease~?"

"Oh, I can't say no to you now!"

"Yeah, but it's not- it's not evil!" Ruby, the soon-to-be conqueror of all of Remnant in the same of her dark lord, whined petulantly, "I'm trying to be an evil mastermind here, not a- not a cutie mastermind, or whatever!"

"Aw, you'll always be a cutie mastermind to me and you know it!" Yang smiled. Stop ruffling her hair, Yang, it's super unevil of you! "And you know for a fact that when you pull puppy dog eyes on someone, you always get what you want. You are Summer's child, after all."

"So are you."

"Aw, thanks sis!" Ruby smiled at Yang's smile. Yang might be a terrible evil minion, but she was still her sister, "Just give it a thought, will you? Give it a try?"

Ruby frowned once more, "Ugh, fine. But go ahead and start thinking that it's going to work."

"It's going to work."

"No it's not!"

"Oh, I'm sorry for bumping into you and accidently breaking your luggage? Do you want to be my evil minion and help me destroy Beacon in the name of the Grimm?"

"Absolutely not, you uncouth child! I should report you for such absurd-"

"Pleeeeease~?"

"Oh I can't get mad at you anymore, you wittle cutie!"

"See Ruby?" Yang gestured to the white and blue dressed heiress of one of the biggest multi-bajillion corporations in all of Remnant currently kneeling down and fawning at Ruby's feet, "Told you that it would work!"

"Yang, this is not what I wanted!" Ruby protested as she held out her hand to collect all the money that the heiress was giving to her, "I wanted evil minions, not-"

"Simps?"

"I don't even know what that means!"

"Eh, evil minions, simps, same thing," Yang quickly pocketed the heiress' credit cards for personal use later as she then said, "But hey, results are results, right? Why don't you try it again?"

"Yang, it's not going to work-"

"Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting your smut reading time? Do you want to be my evil minion and help me destroy Beacon in the name of the Grimm?"

"No."

"Pleeeeease~?"

"Puppy dog eyes will not work on me."

"How about kitty eyes?"

"Okay, those will."

"-A second time!?" Ruby said as she looked to the black-haired Faunus girl that had curled around her legs like a stereotypical cat.

"Can I keep her?" Yang asked with a red flush over her face.

"Yang, stop being horny!"

"No."

"Augh, this is so not what I wanted!" Ruby said as she held her hands out for the white haired heiress to give her all her life savings, "I wanted evil minions, not a creepy girl obsessed with cute things and a cat- I'm so sorry miss, that was uncalled for."

"Hey, if it's working, it's working. You know who you should try it on now...?"

"...No."

"Yes."

"Yang, that's never going to-"

"Mr Ozpin, could I please have the Relic of Choice so that I can give them to Salem and carry out her plans for world conquest?"

"Absolutely not. In fact Miss Rose, I am now going to kill you for bluntly admitting that you're in league with my literal arch-nemesis-"

"Pleeeeease~?"

"..."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease~?"

"..."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease~?"

"..."

Ruby looked down at the Relic of Choice in her hands, then looked up at Yang.

She looked down again, then looked up again.

Yang grabbed the heiress and the Cat Faunus with both hands, "These are mine now."

"Feh, you can have them," they were terrible evil minions anyway.

"Aw, for me?" Auntie Salem smiled as she held the unwrapped Relic of Choice in her hands, "Oh, you shouldn't have!"

"Happy birthday, Auntie Salem!" Ruby flashed her best villainous smile, "I used every evil trick in the book that I knew of!" That was the pure and honest truth, and anything that Yang said as she was being carried about by her two girlfriends/evil minions about puppy dog eyes was wrong. Wrong, she said!

"Oh you're too kind!" Auntie Salem smiled as she pulled Ruby into a tight hug, "Remind me to get you an airship cannon for next nondescript winter holiday!"

Ruby smiled. Yes, that would surely make an excellent nondescript winter holiday! And on that day, she would begin her true conquest, away from puppy dog eyes and cutie masterminds and whatever Yang called her former minions, and onto evil plans and tyranny, and the destruction of all that stand in her way! Soon, the whole world will watch as she sheds her fluffy skin and finally morphs into a truly evil, dastardly mastermind and brings all of Remnant to its-

"Ruby!" Summer called, "Stop internally monologuing to yourself! Cookies are ready!"

Ooh, cookies! Truly the most evil of desserts!

Elsewhere, Yang is being carried around by her new two simps, Blake and Weiss. She'd just like it if they'd simp for her and not Ruby for once.

Also, I had to write the word 'Simp' for this. I am damned for hell, and I will drag the rest of you down with me.

But anyway, here begins a series of one-shots where I place each of the main characters in RWBYJNPR, as well as others, into Salem's inner circle as one of her minions. This is simply an experiment to see how much crack I can snort and how many braincells I can kill in the process of writing this, and I want all of you to witness as my mental decay destroys me more with each passing day.