CH. 24 'You can tell me if I've got it wrong' OR 'Just for old times sake?'
"Fuck it Rin. Just choose me. He can never give you what you want, and I know you don't want this! Whatever you think you feel about him, it can't be worth this." Gojo reached out towards her taking hold of her wrist and drawing her in. "I love you too. Give me a chance to show you. To do it right this time. I swear I'll give you what he can't"
He paused, unsure if he should share his next thoughts.
"Back at Jujutsu High- in the cell. I don't think you you made it all up. I think that came from your inner feelings." He looked her in the eye. "You can tell me if I got it wrong- If I'm just that dumb. But I think, or maybe I just hope, that you feel something for me."
Rinami shook her head, slowly at first and then frantically, placing her palms against his chest and pushing at him. "Stop it! Just stop Satoru! You can't do this!" Tears welled in her eyes and threatened to fall as her head whipped around. "Seriously, I can't- It's just too much..." Shit. Not this. Not the tears again! I thought I was done with those. Through with this!…Satoru… Overwhelmed and panicked, frenzied thoughts raced through her mind.
Gojo grabbed her by the upper arms and pulled her to him. "The words you said that day- were they real or just an illusion? Tell me!"
Rinami looked at him, as silent tears spilled over and flowed down her cheeks, again shaking her head. "I can't."
"Rin! Tell me!"
She continued to stare, her eyes large and fearful, and her lips pressed together in rebellion as streams of tears began to slowly flood down her face.
"TELL ME!"
Rinami let out a loud cry. "It was me! They were my words. Not part of the illusion." She sobbed. "The illusion didn't start until…after" She hung her head and began to weep uncontrollably as Gojo pulled her against his body and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
"It's settled then. If you still love me, even a little, he can't have you." Gojo grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back so that she could see his face. "I'll fight for you Rin. This time I won't give up, and I won't let you go again."
"Wow. Mighty confident of you. You talk like you have a say in it."
Shocked, Rin's head snapped to the side. Sukuna stood there, leaning against a concrete wall, his arms folded and his ankles crossed as he watched Gojo and Rinami, a sarcastic sneer on his face.
"Sukuna!"
Rin's tear-stained face stared at him and her heart dropped. How much had he heard? She'd assume all of it. This was all too much for her. Biting her lip she attempted to take a step back from Gojo, but he held her tightly and pulled her back against him. Sliding her to the side, he addressed Sukuna.
"Why? Are you planning to come get her?"
Sukuna grinned and with a light laugh pushed himself away from the wall, looking over at Rinami's frightened figure.
"Funny, I don't remember you mentioning any confessions as part of the story you told me…" He looked upwards and breathed out. "It doesn't matter though. I'm here to bring you home." His eyes met hers and he raised an eyebrow.
"What'll it be?"
Rinami's mouth dropped slightly. Her eyes and head flickered rapidly between Sukuna and Gojo. Again, she attempted to step back but Gojo held her firm. She looked up at him with remorse and giving her head a small shake, she placed her hands on his arms and pushed hard as she took a large step back. The look on his face was unmistakable.
"Rin…"
She couldn't pull her eyes from his. The pain in his eyes was hers too after all.
Sukuna laughed. "Like always, I guess you were a little too overconfident"
Rinami shifted her gaze to him, the sadness still remaining in her eyes as she furrowed her brow. Slowly she took another step away, though this time it was more apparent that as she did so, she was stepping away from Sukuna's direction as well.
His eyes flashed as he watched her actions. "I see". He eyed her as she continued to move away from the both of them, backing away until she neared the park's exit.
"I'm sorry. I just can't." She said. Her eyes, filled with sorrow, shifted between the two of them. With a long sigh she cast an illusion cloaking everyone from view and blocking their senses, and then she turned and ran from the area.
She wanted to keep running, but she knew that would have dangerous repercussions. The second she was far enough for her technique to lose its effectiveness, it would leave Gojo and Sukuna standing face to face. That absolutely could not happen. So even though every fiber of her being told her to run and keep running, she instead jumped to a high vantage point where she could look down at the park clearing.
She waited a beat. Long enough that the the two of them could reasonably presume that she had run a far enough distance for her technique to drop. Then, focusing her concentration she began to run two illusions simultaneously. It was the same for each of them, just reversed. First, she made the illusion waver and jerk, like it was losing its potency, then finally she made it appear to have dropped completely.
For Gojo, she left him standing in the park with no traces of Sukuna. She did the same for Sukuna. Now she just had to focus on keeping them in their bubble and keeping herself and her energy fully shielded and hope like hell that they ran with it.
She chewed nervously on her bottom lip as she watched each of them ponder their respective situations. She wondered what they were thinking looking at the empty space in front of them. It occurred to her that either or both could think it meant that she'd simply chosen the other and ran off with them instead. She hated the idea of either of them actually believing that, but she supposed that at least it would give them an explanation for why their nemesis had suddenly disappeared.
Sukuna was the first to go. He looked up to the sky and mumbled some unintelligible curse and then he was gone. As usual, moving so fast that Rinami's eyes couldn't track him. She couldn't help it, a huge wave of sadness washed over her watching him leave. But she had no time for that, she stretched out his illusion as far as she could, just in case, but in reality she didn't sense his energy or presence any longer.
She focused now back on Gojo. Who still stood there, now looking down at the ground. As Rinami watched, he bent down to pick up a small rock. Tossing it up in the air, he caught it lightly in his palm, before hauling it back and hurling it to the ground, where it disappeared completely, leaving only a small stone shaped hole in the ground where it had entered. Rinami could only imagine how deep that hole went… She shuddered and closed her eyes. She didn't want to see anymore, she just wanted him to go.
By the time she did finally open her eyes he was gone. She cursed herself for being so stupid. She had no idea where he'd gone to or in what direction, and that was mighty dumb of her. Still, he wasn't in the clearing and that would have to be good enough. She was tired and ready to leave. She wondered briefly if returning to her 'new home' was smart. She'd been careful, but still they'd both found her so easily… Maybe it was time to head back to Kyoto. Things seemed to be more under control here now and it seemed like the society was sending out sorcerers to clean up the rest of Shinjuku…
As soon as she opened the door, she could sense it. She should have been able to tell before, but she was so lost in her thoughts that she must have missed it. That cursed energy, there was no mistaking it.
Groaning in frustration, she threw her keys on the tiny table near the door.
"What are you doing here?"
She quickly pulled off her jacket, tossing it on the nearby counter. "I'm pretty sure I said everything I needed to… Satoru."
Gojo got up from the chair in the far corner where he had been seated and began to cross the room. Rinami glared at him. "How did you even find my place? Wait. Never mind, that's not as important - answer the first question first. Why are you here?"
Gojo came to a stop in front of her. His blindfold was already down around his neck and his blue eyes were piercing but lacking the sparkle of his limitless. Rinami was confused. They'd just had a run-in with Sukuna, why was he standing here with no protection?
"I'm here for you of course. We were interrupted and I wasn't finished talking to you." Gojo reached out a hand to lightly grasp her elbow. Aggravated, she snorted and turned, stepping back and pulling her arm away.
"Come on, I think I told you where I stand. If my words didn't do it, I'd think running away should have…" She looked angrily up at him, but the look on his face instantly melted her anger away. He didn't look like his typical self. He looked sad, which was a rarity for him, and he looked lost, which was another atypical emotion for him.
"That's not really fair though. You said so much and we didn't even get a chance to properly discuss it…" Gojo looked at her through thick lashes, and coupled with his forlorn expression, she found herself mesmerized and pretty much incapable of resisting.
She let out a puff of air and shook her head in shame at him. "Fine Satoru. Let's finish. Though I don't know what more there really is to say…"
Before she had completed her sentence he had closed the distance between them, and as she opened her mouth to protest, his mouth connected with hers and he gathered her in his arms. She wanted to fight him off, but the feeling… She let herself succumb for just a bit to his mouth and his hands. Suddenly the heat in her body had reached startling levels in an astonishingly short time. It had begun traveling down her body and she knew she had to stop this before it went too far to turn it back. With as much willpower as she could muster, she shook her head in a frenzy until Gojo finally had no choice but to stop and give her some space.
That was okay, Gojo was actually fine with it as it was getting out of control for him and he wasn't sure how long he was going to be able to reign it in anyways. He slowed his breathing as he looked at Rinami. Her face was red and she looked scared.
He thought back to all the times he had dropped her like a bad habit every time they'd gotten too close to sex, and figured this wasn't even close to his just desserts for that.
"It's fine. I won't try anything I promise." He leaned forward and slid a hand gently under her shirt and up over the soft skin of her flat belly.
"Can I just touch though?"
A shiver ran through Rinami's body at his touch. She bit her lip hard and gazed up at him with apprehension.
"Huh." The corner of Gojo's mouth turned up just slightly. "Let me do that for you."
As the hand on her stomach wrapped around to grasp her back, he took the thumb of his other hand and bringing it under her lower lip, he gently pulled her chin down, releasing her lip from between her teeth. Once it was loose and her mouth slightly opened, he leaned forward and lightly bit her bottom lip between his teeth, running his tongue along it inside his mouth.
Her eyes fell shut and her knees buckled involuntarily. His hand on her back firmed up, effortlessly pulling her to him as his teeth let go and his tongue went from her lip to deep within her mouth, his lips capturing hers as his hand tangled in the hair behind her head.
Dizzy, Rinami was pretty sure she meant to push him off. Yet the hands she put on his chest weren't so much pushing as they seemed to be…caressing? As her eyes opened and got caught by his sparkling blue ones, one hand slid over his chest and also found it's way to his neck, scraping its fingers through his hair and relishing the softness between them.
But being this close to him, his hard body pressed against her, his smell, and those eyes right in front of her…. It brought her back. In both good and bad ways. Rinami pulled back, breaking the kiss. She then dropped her head to his shoulder, closing her eyes and forcibly gathering her senses.
"Stop" She mumbled. It was more to herself than to Gojo. If she kept going she wouldn't turn back, that was evident. How long had she actually wanted this with him? She finally had full control of her power. She could now handle intimacy with anyone, but even so, it was this guy…
Slowly she arched to peer up at him. He was looking down at her, complete understanding in his face. He wasn't going to press the issue.
Rinami pushed away from him, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I'm not that fickle that I can just swap between men like that. That my feelings can shift and swing like some kind of pendulum. It's not right and… I can't do it"
Gojo raised a hand and pulled her back to him, patting then stroking her hair.
"It's fine. Although just keep in mind, it's not really the way that you're saying it is. I'm not some random guy and these aren't new feelings. Haven't they always been there? Sukuna's not stupid either. If you've felt this way, you can bet that he's known about it. You're not deceiving anyone and it's not doing anything wrong to act on your feelings." He paused mid-stroke. "Unless you consider yourself committed to him somehow…". Gojo's tone lowered. "I know you had the engagement before. I don't know exactly where that stands…."
Rinami sighed against him. "No, I guess that ended once he ceased being the person I thought he was and revealed himself. And now, I guess it's all over. But still, I'm not a faucet. You should know. I can't just turn my feelings on and off and that goes for my feelings for him as well."
She pulled away once again. "How do you feel about that? Would you want me, knowing that my affections are still with someone else?"
Gojo looked seriously at her. "Depends. What about me? Where do I stand in that equation? Do I have any claim at all?"
Rinami quietly studied the features of his face and then slowly raised her hand to place the tips of her fingers lightly on his cheek, running them tentatively towards his mouth. "Absolutely."
Not taking her eyes off his, she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "I love you Satoru. I've tried so, so hard, but nothing changes that. You also carry that part of me with you." Rinami shook her head sadly. "I don't understand it all and I can't fix it. It's not something that's fair to ask you to live with. I can't put numbers or percentages on who I feel more for – It's equal. I just love you both." That's a lie. Even as she said it, she knew it. She loved one more than the other. She never wanted to be in the situation to have to do so, but if she ever really had to pick one over the other. She knew for certain who it would be. But it was that precise fact that made her so sick to her stomach. That she could even make the choice, let alone choose so easily…
"Then you don't need to say anymore and you don't need to feel bad about your own feelings. Yes, I want you. Always."
Bewildered, Rinami stepped back. "Huh?"
Gojo took a step forward. "You heard me. You asked how I felt about you continuing to have those feelings for him, and my answer is that I don't give a fuck. You asked if I'd still want you, and the answer is yes. I'm sure I said it clearly."
As she prepared to take another step back, Gojo reached out and grabbed her arm.
"Look Rin, do I like the fact that you love someone else? Of course not. And that of all the people in the world that it would be him?" Gojo made a face of disgust. "But honestly let's face it, that mistake was mine. I should have never let you go the first time around. I let my own ego get in the way when I should have trusted and confided in you. Thats just the price I pay for that. I'm grateful that you can even still love me. If it meant I could still have you, I'll pay that price and consider myself lucky."
Gojo pulled her arm and brought her against him. He wrapped both of his arms around her and looked down at her. "Be mine again Rin."
She stood frozen. Her mouth was so dry and her brain muddled. Suddenly his lips were on hers again. This time softly pressing against hers, his piercing blue eyes closing with hers. With a small sigh, Rinami stopped the kiss.
"I can't."
She met his eyes. "Satoru. I'm really sorry, but right now, there's just too much for me to figure out. Things with Sukuna…". She shook her head. "I just can't right now"
Gojo stood silently for a moment then nodded.
"Alright"
He pulled his blindfold back up and ran his fingers through his upturned hair. "Just make sure to let me know the second that changes 'kay?"
Rinami thought back to her earlier words to him.
'It's equal. I just love you both.' Liar.
**8**
Gojo walked to the door and Rinami opened it for him. He began to walk out the door but then paused in the doorway, turning and then leaning back on the door jamb, ankles crossed and hands stuffed in his pockets. Laying his head back against the opening he turned to look at Rinami.
"Hey Rin, what do you say I stay the night? Just for old times sake?"
He had the hint of a smirk on his face, but something in his tone was serious enough to strike a nerve in her. Rinami's heart skipped a beat and she gulped down hard. Why was he so insistent on making this difficult for her?
Just as she was getting over her struggle to answer, his phone rang. Holding up a finger at her, Gojo pulled it out of his pocket and flipped it open. She had just enough time to wonder what in the world was up with his flip phone, when the expression on his face changed and she instantly knew there was serious trouble.
NEXT: CH. 25 'That took longer than expected' OR 'Will you get in my way or will you stand with me?'
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