NORA
"Noraaaaaaaaa! Why did you kill Headmaster Ozpin!?"
"Oh, would you look at that, that's a dead body."
"That's Professor Ozpin's dead body, Nora!"
"Oh, so it is. Well that's sad."
"Why did you kill him, Nora!?"
"What, me? That's my least favourite thing to do."
"Explain Nora, explain what just happened!"
"Okay, so I'd just woken up."
"Okay."
"I was eating my daily dose of pancakes."
"Mm-hm."
"Watching my daily dose of Yang and Blake making out in the closet."
"Go on."
"And then I took the elevator up to Ozpin's office."
"Alright."
"Aaaaaaaaand then I beat him with my hammer until he was a bloody red paste."
"..."
"..."
"Noraaaaaaaaa! That kills people!"
"Does it?"
"Yes!"
"Oh wow, I never knew that. Thanks for letting me know, Renny."
"How did you not know that, Nora?!"
"Oof, yeah I'm- I'm definitely in the wrong here. I've done a bad, I've done a real bad."
"Wait, where's his head?"
"What?"
"His head, where's his head?"
"Orbiting the moon."
"Nora..."
"Flying with the angels."
"Nora...!"
"Okay fine... I used his head to access Beacon's funding."
"..."
"..."
"Noraaaaaaaaa! Why would you do something like that?!"
"Well, it was all locked behind retinal scanners. How else was I supposed to get the pancake funding?"
"Noraaaaaaaaa!"
"Hey, you know how much it costs to get pancakes, Renny? Inflation's making prices go through the roof."
{DING}
"Well well well, it appears that you've done what I asked of you. Now we can-"
{SMASH}
{CRASH}
"Just like I sent her through the roof."
"..."
"..."
"Noraaaaaaaaa! Why did you do that?!"
"She was a traitor and a scoundrel."
"Was she the one who told you to kill Ozpin?!"
"You mistake me for someone who can be easily provoked into doing things for other people."
"What did she offer you?"
"Infinite pancakes!"
"..."
"And the chance to watch Jaune and Pyrrha make babies together."
"..."
"And also with you in it, Renny."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"I'm a cuckquean."
"...That's somehow even more shocking than you killing Ozpin."
"Well then I guess both our moral compasses are incredibly skewed."