Chapter 4 - We've Got Gum and Games

Author's note: Hello, everyone! Sorry I took a little longer than expected, but I'm back! As I'm sure you can guess based on this chapter's title, we'll be focusing on the next two winners! Let's get to your reviews first...

TheFastFox, I'm glad you enjoyed that little ditty I inserted. ;) Thanks!

Linkwonka88, even though it is an awful song, I do have fond memories of watching the music video as a little kid. I thought Lené was so pretty when she was in the pool. Speaking of Batman references, just you wait, 'cause there will be more in this chapter!

JOHNHAMMOND1993, I'll get on with it once I'm done my current stories. I have quite a few great ideas in mind already, but of course, you won't know until I begin writing the story! In regards to your other review, I'll check those episodes out soon.

Gs33022, Thanks! Veruca Salt (the band) is actually among my top 10 favorite bands of all time. I love them.

Sonny April, thanks for telling me! I'm glad you enjoyed the argument.

The Silly Storyteller, thanks for your feedback! I haven't heard the Tripledent Gum song yet. I think I should check it out soon.

Turrislucidus, I knew about the third book before. I think it would have been rather interesting to read, but like the second book, I'm sure it would have been highly underrated. :)

Rydiaaaaa1, thanks. Now, on with the story!

A few days later, Chuck's father came home from work, clutching a newspaper in his hand. He promptly removed the mask from his face, revealing a mixed expression of exhaustion and anticipation.

"All right," Grandpa Schmoe said, "let's see who found it!" Chuck glanced at the paper before Mr. Basket began to read it aloud.

"The third Golden Ticket was found by Miss Violette Bleuregarde," he said.

Grandpa Schmoe threw his arms up in the air in excitement. "Quick, turn the TV on!" Chuck grabbed the remote and pressed the power button.

The first thing everyone saw was a video of a young blonde beating the crap out of a tall man during a karate lesson. She wore a black belt, which was quite impressive considering her age. As soon as the lesson was over, she stuck a well-chewed piece of bubblegum in her mouth, and she blew a large bubble before it popped loudly, making a certain chocolatier cringe in disgust.

The scene changed as the words "Tbilisi, Georgia" appeared on the screen. A large, two-story house came into view, and several white vans were parked on the street in front of it.

The lucky winner, Violette Bleuregarde, stood in the middle of the living room, which was jam-packed with reporters, as well as posters and figurines of girls with seemingly spherical bodies. They came in all different colors, including red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and...violet. (You should have expected that last one.) Violette was dressed in a fur suit, and she was relentlessly chewing A PIECE OF FREAKING GUM. GO FIGURE. Once again, a certain chocolatier was cringing in disgust.

Her mother, Scarlette, had her back turned to the cameras. She was standing in front of a mirror, applying fifty or so gallons of makeup to her face. Finally, she turned around to acknowledge the reporters.

She pointed to all the figurines and posters in the room. "These are just some of the 263 recolored fan art drawings and OC's that people have made since they first laid eyes on my beautiful daughter."

"I'm a gum chewer, mostly," Violette began, "but when I heard about these ticket things, I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars. I'm the world junior champion gum chewer. I've been chewing this piece of gum for three months solid, and that's a record. I do it mostly to satisfy my vore fantasies." She let out an evil laugh. "Oh, and because I'm a winner as well. If anyone's gonna win this special prize, it's gonna be ME!"

Scarlette decided to change the subject for no reason at all. "By the way, I also have my fair share of fan art drawings, mostly online," she bragged, showing everyone some drawings of herself on her computer.

"What a beastly girl," Grandma Schmosephine muttered, glaring at Violette on the TV. "Her mother ain't any better."

"Violette's actually quite creepy," Chuck admitted with a hint of nervousness. "Vore fantasies? Isn't that related to cannib—?" He didn't get to finish his question, since the news anchor caught everyone's attention.

"—but wait, this is just in," he announced. "The fourth Golden Ticket has been found by a boy called Mike Peaesstoo."

This interview was being held in a one-story house located in Denver, Colorado. Mike, a boy with spiky brown hair and an attitude to boot, was sitting on the living room floor, playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

"AWW *BLEEP*! DA COPPAS!" Mike yelled as police sirens were heard from behind. He ran up to a Lamborghini that was stopped at a red light, and he growled, "Outta my way, punk," before stealing the expensive car from its owner. Immediately, five police cars began to pursue him, but they were swerving all over the road because of the cocaine (and condoms) their drivers had snorted five minutes before.

Mike suddenly turned a hard left just in front of a building, causing all the intoxicated cops to crash head-on into the concrete structure. Their cars exploded in a series of spectacular fireballs as Mike sped down another road. He spotted a ramp in front of him, and he floored the accelerator, sending his vehicle flying off the ramp and across the river.

"I wanna fly high, so I can reach the highest of all the heavens..." he sang before the car finished its airborne stunt. Unfortunately, the landing didn't turn out well, and his car landed upside down before exploding a few seconds later. "DARN IT!" he shouted as his current mission came to an anticlimactic end. He put his controller on the ground and sighed.

"In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar," Mike said, sighing again as his character woke up outside the nearest hospital in the middle of the night. "I absolutely hate chocolate, so I decided to use my hacking skills to crack into Billy Bonga's servers, as well as Facebook, Yahoo, Google, Microsoft, the Russian government, all of 'em." This made a certain chocolatier grab a barf bag before...well, you can imagine what happened next.

Suddenly, the interview stopped for a TOTALLY RANDOM commercial break, where someone said, "This program has been brought to you by Rockstar Games, Intel, AMD, NVIDIA..." and the sponsor list continued for three more minutes.

"...and the official, number one sponsor of this program is Microsoft! No, wait, it's Nintendo now! Sorry, it's Sega! Oops, I meant Atari! Now it's Apple! And now Sony just bought out the title!"

"What the hell was that person smoking?!" Grandpa Gorge said in frustration. "That son of a—!" Mr. Basket slapped a pair of headphones over Chuck's ears as the elderly man began swearing and cursing like a sailor. A smile appeared on Chuck's face, not because he enjoyed watching his grandpa taking a spaz, but because Master of Puppets by Metallica began to play.

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Chuck yelled over the music as Grandpa Gorge continued his rant. "COME CRAWLING FASTER! OBEY YOUR MASTER! YOUR LIFE BURNS FASTER! OBEY YOUR MASTER! MASTER! MASTER OF PUPPETS, I'M PULLING YOUR—"

"Willy!" Grandma Gorgyna randomly interjected, causing everyone (except for Chuck, who was still rocking out to the music) to gasp at the rather inappropriate innuendo. Thankfully, her husband's tirade came to an end.

Mr. Basket was about to remove the headphones from Chuck's head, but Chuck shouted, "No, Dad! This is the good part!" as the song became much quieter about halfway through. When the guitar solos began a few minutes later, he jumped up on the bed and shredded with an imaginary air guitar. Once the song was over, Chuck finally removed the headphones. "Uhhh, what did I miss?"

"W-well," Mr. Basket stammered before letting out a nervous sigh, "I'll be taking a...a little time off work for the next while."

"Like summer vacation?" Chuck asked him, and he hesitantly nodded.

"Sure...something like that," he said, patting his son on the shoulder before leaving the house. In fact, it wasn't like a vacation at all. The Joker had decided to pursue other obligations, like DEFEATING BATMAN (duh!), so Mr. Basket was eliminated from his job.

"Don't worry, Mr. Basket," his wife said, trying to console him as they shoveled the snow from the yard. "You'll find another job. Our luck will change."

The next day, Mr. Basket submitted multiple copies of his resumé to several other villains, including The Riddler, The Penguin, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Two-Face. He soon landed a position with Mr. Freeze at the Snowy Cones Ice Cream Factory. Despite the fact that this villain normally preferred to do his work alone, Mr. Basket helped to construct a life-sized sculpture of his new boss's dead wife, Nora Fries, before carrying out some real assignments. But hey, at least Mr. Basket landed another job, so now his family wouldn't be starving anymore due to the added source of income. The Baskets were thankful for that, but what, just what, could be in store for Chuck? Only time will tell.

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! In case you're wondering, Mike's surname is a reference to the PlayStation 2 console. As for Violette, she's from the country of Georgia, rather than the state. Feel free to review, and to mention what the funniest parts/quotes were to you. I'd love to know what other jokes can tickle a person's funny bone. Stay tuned for the next chapter! :D

By the way, if you wanna see some of those drawings of Violet—er, Violette, just look on DeviantArt.

Note: Credit goes to Karen Brake for composing "Believe in Myself", which is Tails' theme from Sonic Adventure. (It was the song Mike sang while he was playing GTA.) Credit also goes to Metallica for composing "Master of Puppets".