Warning: body horror
The lair was dark and cold, nothing too out of the ordinary at first glance. What was strange, though, was the heavy atmosphere that he couldn't shake. The lack of voices, movement, and presence of anyone was disturbing. Mikey had just woken up and now stood in front of his bedroom door, confused about what was going on.
Where is everyone? Why are they gone? What's happening? Why is it still dark?
He steps around the lair, scanning for any signs of anyone. Nothing was out of place from the looks of it. Everything was well organized from the TV still in the middle of the pit to the comic book placement that Mikey just read that day.
But the discomfort feeling of nobody around is giving Mikey's skin goosebumps. Maybe Mikey should just call for Master Splinter. He'll know what to do!
Mikey steps into the dojo only to be met by the tall tree standing alone in the room. The orange-clad turtle worries grew louder but nonetheless he still checks in Splinter's room to see if his beloved Rat dad is present.
He stands upon the door and opens it slowly "Master Splinter?… You there?…" but he got nothing in response.
He opens the door fully but finds no one inside. The room is completely tidy, everything left untouched, with no sign of Splinter meditating in the middle of the room. "Sensei! Where are you?" he shouts, as if expecting someone to hear him. But— obviously— no one replies.
A cold chill runs down the youngest turtle's spine as he dashes out the dojo doof with clammy feet. "LEO?! DONNIE?!" he screams, tears prickling in his eyes as the seconds pass, "ANYONE?!!" only the echoes replies back to him.
The lair has decreased into an unreasonable chilly temperature, It hasn't snowed yet? Has it? Mikey couldn't tell. He darts his eyes around to find any intruders around, but he only sees the shadows that his mind made of its own. Is it that monster that hides under his bed? The palms of his hands has become unnecessarily slippery, his legs trembling in place; choosing between to run or to stay still.
His eyes land in the direction of their rooms— maybe they're just sleeping he thought. It's most possible, it doesn't look like it's morning yet by the lack of natural light that would've shine into the lair. Yeah… They could be sleeping…
He creeps to the direction of the nearest door first, Donnie's room. His pupils had no rest since the moment he woke up, constantly looking for any signs of danger. His eyes threatening to cry over the overwhelming fear he feels. He doesn't want to cry yet, what if the monster hears him?
His hand shakily grips onto the door handle and twist it open. "Donnie?…" He calls, but no one respond. His glances over the room and sees no one, only the pile of science books left at the table.
Without a second thought Mikey runs to the next brother, Leo. He didn't bother to carefully open it and instead slams the door, causing a loud bang against the wall.
Nothing. Leo is nowhere to be seen either. His room was left tidy, his bed didn't even look like it was slept on yet. "Leo?! Where are you?!" He yells. But like before, no Leo replied.
No— no no no no WHERE ARE THEY?!
Mikey's breath starts to quiver as he bolts to the final door. Raph. His missing brother. Mikey was about to open it with a hard slam but then he starts thinking, why would Raph even be in his room? He's clearly gone, so that means he's not here. Despite hoping to see his older brother when he opens the door, feeding Spike or maybe playing the drums, he knows that it's not possible. Or so he thought.
The bottom of his toes suddenly felt wet. He looks down and sees a thick crimson liquid seeping through the tiny gap between the floor and the door. It was pouring out fast as it covered the bottom of his feet and still continues to spread a long the ground. Mikey stepped back, eyes so scared but so still that he couldn't look away from it. So wait… That means…
"N-No.. No NO RAPH?!" He tries to twist the doorknob but it doesn't seem to be working. It's locked. He slams his whole body against the door, begging it to open "RAPH?! RAPH ARE YOU IN THERE?!!"
He didn't hear anyone, but the blood pouring out from his room said otherwise "RAPH I-I'M GONNA GET YOU OUT OK?! JUST STAY WITH ME!" Tears were finally poured out, not caring about the monster that's probably lurking in the shadows ready to pounce. He just wants him back. He wants Raph back.
"RAPH!!!!" He screams gutturally. With one final push, the door finally opened forcefully, revealing to Mikey the horrific show being performed.
"M-…Mik..ey..?..." His- thought to be missing- older brother mutters weakly, blood coughing out from his mouth. He was hands chained to the floor and his whole body was bruised everywhere from top to bottom, it was obvious his captor didn't want him to escape. Mikey could see how tired his brother was; his dark eye bags and droopy lips, his eyelids could barely open— using a hundred percent of his strength to keep them lifted. His lips were so dry and chapped, that blood was dripping on them. His skin is so pale, as if it's like the mutagen was sucked right out of him and his cheeks were sunk deep into his bones. He looks dead. Like a corpse. A walking corpse! But that wasn't the worst part about him.
His stomach was out, guts were left on the floor for everyone to see. His intestines were placed messily next to him like it was just leftover scrap. his kidneys were dangling on his rib cage. Some of his blood vessels are pouring out his blood instead of traveling through his body like it should, his lungs are fighting for air but it couldn't get any— literally— and his heart is pumping so irregular fast against where his skin is supposed to be.
"R-… Raph?…" Mikey breathes out shakily. His eyes wanted to look away, anywhere but what horror scene he's looking at, but he felt so still, so terrified. He felt frozen, paralyzed even. What the actual shell is this?…
No no this is not real…
"M-.. Mik..ey…"
This… is not real…
"D-…Don….'t… Le-…Lea…ve.. m-me…" His eyes started bleeding. What was supposed to be tears dripping down his cheeks were dark red liquid.
This is not real!
"M-…Mike…y?…" His voice sounds more mumbled and slurred. the veins on his brother's faces turn darker, more tense even.
Stop! This is not real!
"P-…Pl.. ease…" He reaches out his hand with all his might, shakily and slowly. The more strength he puts in, more blood pours out from his body; from his eyes, mouth, and stomach. Is his veins getting bigger?
THIS IS NOT REAL! YOU ARE NOT REAL!
Mikey's eyes stare horrified, his arms stiffly staying in place. But even so they're shaking vigorously, salty sweat dripping from his fingertips. His breaths were shallow and quick, each gasp feeling like a desperate struggle as the air grew heavier. He needs to look away. This is not Raph. This cannot be him. Mikey refuses. He needs to move, to run away from this horrific sight, yet he remains frozen in place.
His baby blue eyes meet his forest green ones; they lack the fiery passion that Raph is known for. The vibrancy of his green eyes, which differs from his brothers', isn't as bright as it used to be, another reason why Mikey refuses to believe it is him.
YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER!
"D-…Do…n...'t.. L-Le…ave.. M-..M-Me…." He slurs out his final words before his face succumbs to the pressure. His eyes were popping out of their sockets, his lips were becoming more plump and swollen and the bulging black veins couldn't maintain the forces any longer. With a sharp, startling BANG, his head burst into shades of crimson and tiny strand-like green skin floats down like confetti, leaving a lingering echo in the air.
Mikey didn't get to think over what just happened before waking up in a cold sweat.
The young turtle sits up abruptly, he inhales in rapid, shallow gasps, tears streaming down his face as he tries to pull himself together. But in all honesty, how could he? The image is still fresh in his mind and he struggles to think of anything else. All that he could think of was Raph; his older brother's dead eyes boring through his, his uncharacteristic lack of aggression, his pale skin, the blood pouring out from multiple parts of his body, and the… his insides… his guts... Oh god he's going to puke.
His clammy sweaty hands cling onto his blankets tightly, in fear of going back into that nightmare. Not like he can sleep anymore. Wait– He's not dreaming right? Like— right now he's awake? Right? He's conscious right?! When he goes to Raph's room right now he's not going to see a gruesome picture of him right?! RIGHT?!
He might be going crazy.
He needs to check. He needs to check if he's not dreaming. He needs to check that Raph is ok.
Raph…
Raph can protect Mikey right? He won't let any nightmares get to him. He'll keep him safe in his arms. He'll keep him safe. He's always safe with Raph.
He gets up from his bed and starts walking to his big brother's room. The eerie silence of the lair haunts him, resembling the quietness of his dream. It's too quiet, too empty. No one is around. The darkness and coldness envelop everything, just like in his nightmare.
No no no... he can't be dreaming again, right? He's not in a dream, everyone is—… They're all just asleep, right?! RIGHT?! He's not dreaming! No he's not!
His steps quicken as he approaches Raph's room, and without a second thought, he abruptly opens the door. To his relief, he didn't see Raph gutted out and chained to a wall. His room didn't smell like metallic iron and it wasn't a mess of intestines and guts. To his disappointment, Raph wasn't in his room, which means he's still lost in the city.
To Mikey's surprise, Leo is in his room sitting on his bed with a book in his hand. "Leo?"
"What are you doing in here?" He ask curiously.
He looks at him, shocked to see the youngest turtle at his door. "Oh Mikey, um—nothing, just kinda didn't want to be in my room right now..." he says, his words growing quieter. Mikey understands what Leo means; he doesn't want to he in his room either. "What are you doing here?" Leo asks.
"I-… um…" Mikey glances down at the floor. Leo closes the book and places it at the table as he walks closer to Mikey and now notices the redness in his eyes and the dry tears that just streamed down his face, and the ones forming.
"Hey hey Mikey? What's wrong?" He coos, placing both his hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Did you have a nightmare?…"
Mikey took a second to reply before nodding, "I-It's a-a.. about R-Raph…" He hiccups through his words.
Leo hums before motioning him to Raph's bed, closing the door behind them. "Would like to talk about it little brother?…"
Mikey sits down on Raphael's bed, pulling his legs into his chest, "R-Raph… Raph w-was d-dead…" he manages to breathe out.
Leo frowns "Mikey… Raph is going to be just fine.. ok?.." He rubs his shoulder comfortingly.
"B-But he's dead..." He whimpers
"It's just a dream ok?... don't worry..."
"But he's dead!..."
"It's not real Mikey... Little bro we have nothing to be afraid of—"
"THAT WASN'T THE WORST PART LEO!"
Leo flinches at the sudden outburst. Mikey has been scared before, of course—it's natural for someone as young as him. Actually, as young as all of them. But Leo had never seen Mikey like this. His eyes were wide with terror, pupils shrunk to mere dots. His shoulders were as rigid as stone, and his hands shook uncontrollably. His breathing came in rapid, uneven gasps. He wasn't just scared. He was completely horrified.
"H-HIS— HIS GUTS LEO! HIS INSIDES W-WERE OUT! AND IT WAS BLOODY! HIS WHOLE ROOM WAS FILLED WITH BLOOD! HIS INSIDES A-ARE J-JUST ON THE FLOOR! I COULD SEE HIS HEART LEO! AND HIS LUNGS! A-AND THEN HE TRIED TO HOLD MY HAND! HE ASKED ME TO NOT LEAVE HIM! BUT THEN HIS HEAD EXPLODED— HIS HEAD EXPLODED LEO! INTO BLOOD! I-IT WAS—…." Leo must've thought he was crazy. I mean he was speaking nonsense pretty much. "It was so scary… I was so scared…" He whispers out, still in shock about his dream. That image was so horrific, so brutal. Even more than that actually. He doesn't know what words could describe it.
"I-I'm scared Leo…" He sobs, he doesn't care if it was just his imagination. That it wasn't real. He couldn't shake the uneasy feeling left lingering. That his brother could get hurt like that.
Leo stares at him in shock. Leo didn't understand half the things Mikey just spewed out but he managed to make out a few words. Such a terrible nightmare…
He pulls him into his arms, trying his best to comfort the poor turtle. Mikey sobs into the crook of Leo's neck, warping his arms around him in tight hold to secure himself from going back to that nightmare.
"It's ok Mikey…" he whispers, "It's just a dream… nothing like that is ever going to happen…"
"But that doesn't mean he's safe!" Leo's shoulders stiffen, obviously he knows that Raph is in great danger right now. Doesn't mean he wants to remember that.
"Raph is out there! Scared! Alone! I know it was a dream but just thinking that anything could happen to Raph scares me! WHAT IF HAPPENED LEO?! WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY GETS GUTTED OUT?! WE WOULDN'T KNOW! THAT'S WHAT SCARES ME!" Mikey holds onto Leo tighter, slightly crushing him but Leo didn't bother mentioning it. "Leo… I-I'm so scared…" He sobs loudly as Leo caresses his shell in a comforting swirl, "I-I... I don't want him to die..."
It's a scary thought that Leo also tried not to think about. He doesn't want to think about what Raph is dealing with right now.
"It's…" He pauses, what can he say? That "It's never going to happen" ? Leo isn't that delusional. It hurts but some part of him believes that Raphael is dead, that their family will forever be broken. But he still has hope, that Raph is still fine, he wants to hope. He wants to hope that things will turn out fine.
"It's… I-It's going to be ok.. alright?" His voice broke in the end, "We might not know what's going on with him… But someday he's going to come back to us, and then we'll be one family again, ok little bro?"
Leo has always been overprotective of his younger brothers, it's just in his nature. The thought that one of them is suffering through who knows what terrifies him more than anything, yet he couldn't do anything about it.
Moments pass before Mikey's breathing has started to slow down and that's when he notices soft sobbing from his shoulder. "Leo?…"
Mikey has always wondered how Leo could stay so composed after everything. He can see that Leo is scared too, but he still manages to keep up with his training while the other two fall behind.
He always wonders how Leo could still stay level-headed. But this is probably the first time Mikey has seen him break down. And he realizes that the reason he stays level-headed, why he stays strong, is for them.
"Oh.. Leo…" Mikey loosens his arms but still remains comfortably wrapped around him.
"Listen Mikey…" Leo says, "We're not gonna lose hope, ok? Raph is out there but he's strong. And he's going to come back. And we'll be a whole family again, ok? Everything is going to be fine." Leo doesn't know if he says those words to comfort Mikey or him. Honestly it's both. And it kind of worked.
Mikey's lips turn upward slightly "Yeah... I-I believe you…" He sniffles.
They both stayed there in comfortable silence. Neither one wants to leave the room nor let go of each other's comfort, so the decided to sleep in Raph's room instead.
As they both get comfortable underneath Raph's blanket a memory of the red turtle suddenly pops up in Mikey's mind.
It was a few years ago, probably around 7. He had a nightmare and he woke up screaming and in a second his older brother, Raphael, was by his door.
"MIKEY?! You ok?!" He ask worriedly
Mikey turns his head to meet him, his mind still dazed after what he has imagined in his dream. "Y-Yeah.. I'm Ok…" The young turtle mumbled, "J-Just a bad dream…"
A relieved sigh left Raph's mouth, but that didn't satisfy his worries. "Um... Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as he walked towards him, closing the door behind him.
"Y-Yeah… uh..." He stutters, clearly too scared from the lingering terror. "Actually... Can I ask you something?"
"Sure little bro"
Mikey glances on the floor, "U-Um…" he trembles "T-There's a monster under my bed… Can you… get rid of it?…"
Raph looks at him confused, "There's a monster? Under… Your bed?"
He nodded "Mhm… Please…"
Raph didn't get it, it's probably about his nightmare. It was childish to him, he knew there was no monster under his bed. But childish or not, how could he leave his brother scared like that?
He crouches down on the floor and looks under his bed, to no one's surprise there weren't any monsters. But that doesn't stop Raph from showing who's the strongest.
"HEY YOU! What do you think you're doing HUH?!" He yells at the imaginary monster. "YOU BETTER RUN BEFORE I BEAT YA WITH MY FIST! YOU BASTARD!"
Mikey stares at him in awe, how could Raph be so brave?
"Yeah that's right, scram! DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK YOU HEAR ME?!" He yells one final time to make sure that "monster" never comes back before he stands up again.
"See! Nothing to fear Mikey" he smiles at him
"That's so cool Raph!" Mikey's eyes shine like stars. His brother is so brave and so strong! He wishes he could be just like him!
"Aw come on Mikey that's nothing, you just gotta believe in yourself more. You'll be able to take out any monsters!" Raph says, giving a comforting pat on the shoulders. "If there's any more monsters under your bed tell me ok? I'll be there to scare them away again."
Mikey beams at him. He has always felt safe when Raph's around. How could he feel scared when Raph is the strongest turtle around!
"Thank you Raph!" He grins widely
"Anytime little bro!"
At the end, Raph slept with Mikey, in case anymore monsters want to come after him again. Because with Raph nothing can harm him.
But he's not here right now.
Mikey sighs at that reminder, trying to push the thought away. He looks up at Leo, who still has his arm wrapped around him. His face, marked by dried tears, looks more peaceful now. As Mikey takes a closer look, he notices the new dark circles under Leo's eyes.
Leo isn't known to sleep late, he's always slept earlier than anyone else, but maybe now he has gotten past his bedtime a couple of times.
Mikey snuggles closer to his older brother, feeling the warmth from his chest. He would do this with Raph too.
He's the warmest out of the four, and it's the first difference Mikey notices. Despite the differences in temperature, Mikey couldn't help but snuggle deeper into his brother's comfort, listening to his steady heartbeat.
"Is something wrong Mikey?" Shoot, did Mikey wake him up?
"U-Uh nothing… sorry…" He stutters.
"No no it's!—" Leo replied, "It's just… You're moving quite a lot, you not tired?"
Mikey ponders in his thoughts. Maybe it's just his grief that's making it harder for him to sleep.
"No it's not that… I…" suddenly the tears prickled in his eyes again "I miss him Leo…"
Leo winces at his brother's whimper. He wraps them together tighter, holding onto him so he doesn't disappear all of a sudden. "I miss him too Mikey…"
Mikey sobs, again, into his brother's grasp, in desperate need of a shield. A safety zone. He needs protection from the monster. The monster from under his bed could get him at any moment now. It could get him! Raph is not here to scare them away for him! He's not here to scare the monster away! It could get—
"Mikey…" the voice that belongs to his older brother intrudes his thoughts. "Don't worry, little brother… I'm here, okay?" Leo whispers warmly into his ear. "I won't let anyone hurt us ever again. I'll protect you and Donnie… and we'll bring Raph back home. That's a promise…"
The pressure in his chest vanishes as he finally is able to breathe again. They stay in each other's safety as with each passing second both their eyes start to close.
The strong arms are enough to help Mikey feel safer, to make him believe the monster won't come after him. He knows that Leo, just like Raph, wouldn't let anyone hurt him.
But that promise gives him a little bit of hope. It's not realistic, he knows that. But Leo has never broken a promise before. Mikey trusts him with his life. So maybe… just maybe, they'll find him again. That they'll be able to hold each other again.
Raph…
He must be fighting his monsters too.
He must be so scared right now… Poor Raph…
When we find you… We'll protect you from your monsters… I promise…
Morning arose and the first to open their eyes was Leo. Has always been.
He slowly sits up from the bed that belongs to his missing brother's. The padding is slightly harder than the others, and a soft, heavy blanket is draped over it. Now that Leo thinks about it, the blanket used to belong to Donnie, though he can't recall how it ended up in Raph's room. Maybe it's because Raph's room is freezing. He has always liked the colder temperature, which, to be frank, Leo can't understand. He and Mikey would have turned into icicles if it weren't for the thick blanket.
He looks to his side to see Mikey still arms wrapped around his waist, drool dripping over his face. It touches Leo in a vulnerable part of him to see his brother so peaceful. Ever since that day they all haven't been feeling great let's just say.
Everyone has been feeling so terrible lately. Mikey hasn't smiled as brightly as he did, he still tries to tell Leo can tell. Mikey still does his silly pranks and obnoxious jokes but Leo could tell he has less enthusiasm in him. He can tell that he tries his best to stay positive, to stay hopeful, but he can see that light dimming slowly.
Donnie has been huddled up in his lab for hours, sometimes the whole day. The only reason why he hasn't died of starvation yet is because his family would always bring him food to the lab. No one knows what he's doing in there. Whenever they try to ask him, he immediately tells them to drop it, and if they insist on knowing, he lashes out. When they try to enter his lab, he shoves them away. Everyone is worried about him.
Master Splinter wasn't any better. As their mentor and father figure, he must maintain a stable mind, but even his sons can see how devastated and stressed he is. One major sign is his meditation practice. He usually meditates twice a day for an hour, sometimes two, but lately, his mind must have been so distracted that he can only manage half of his usual time.
And for Leo, he could barely hold it together if he's being completely honest. From the very first day he hasn't been able to sleep properly. He always sleeps at 9 before all this happens, then it becomes 10, then 11, and now he will stay up till 1am. He's starting to understand why Donnie and Raph stay up so late. He just has so much in his mind lately that his brain couldn't be put into rest unless he completely tires himself out.
He's had frequent breakdowns behind doors, he doesn't need his siblings to know how much this broke him. He's completely fine with crying in front of his family, but he doesn't want to add more burdens on them. He needs to stay strong, for them. And for Raph.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Their family wasn't supposed to crumble like this. They weren't supposed to lose a brother so soon. Not when they were 10, not when they were 15, or even in their 20s or 30s. They were supposed to grow old together, have families of their own, live in their own blissful world. They were supposed to fight crime together, save the world, be heroes together. All four of them… not three…
Leo pauses his thoughts and glances at the book he had placed on the table the last night. Before Mikey, Leo was in Raph's room first. He didn't know what drove him to enter Raph's room but maybe being in there would trick his mind in some ways that would heal the internal wound. He misses him so much…
While looking around, Leo noticed a particular book on the shelves. He had never seen it before, so out of pure curiosity, he picked it up. Flipping to the first page, he was greeted by a beautiful drawing of a mountainous landscape, created with the cheap crayons their father had scavenged last year. Leo hadn't known it was possible to draw something so stunning with such basic materials.
The crayon colored sky possessed an ethereal beauty, bathed in shades of orange, pink, and purple, accompanied by fluffy white clouds. The mountains varied in size, and the trees were lush and green. A flower field completed the scene, covered in scarlet red amaryllis, sapphire blue iris flowers, royal purple delphiniums, and bright orange marigolds. Leo couldn't take his eyes off it. He knew that Raph had the best art skills among the four of them, but he hadn't realized to what extent. In some ways, the drawing felt like it symbolized them—his brothers and himself. It was truly touching. Leo wanted to explore more about this secret sketchbook until Mikey entered the room.
He gets off the bed and picks up the sketchbook once again. He examined the cover; it was clearly damaged, likely from being found in the sewers. It was a beige, cotton-like fabric with a few dark splotches of dirt. He could tell that Raph had tried his best to clean it, but the stains stubbornly remained. As he was about to open the cover Mikey awoke from his slumber "Morning Leo…" her slurs, still feeling a little drowsy.
"Oh Mikey" Leo puts the book down again, he'll just bring it to his room later. "How'd you sleep?" He asked, such a mother.
"Yeah, good. I had a dream of dancing algae and we were all in a rainbow party"
"Huh?"
"Yeah, after the party we had worm and kelp cake, it looked really good" Leo stares at him confused, a pure look of what is this guy saying?…
Mikey smirks "You just don't have the brilliance like I do"
The leader in blue lets out a chuckle of amusement, "Yeah yeah, alright I'll give you that little bro."
"Tsk tsk tsk excuse me," Mikey clicks his tongue, "It's 'Michelangelo the great to you'. Where are your manners?" His face turns to what resembles a smug royalty.
Leo rolls his eyes to his little brother teasing, "alright 'Michelangelo the great', come on let's go have breakfast"
They all continue with their morning routines: Mikey gets up to make breakfast, Donnie heads off to his lab, and Master Splinter begins his daily meditation. Leo takes the sketchbook to his room and reminds himself to explore it further later in the evening. Who knows, he might discover more about his younger brother.