The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters has gone off somewhere. Just some mad thoughts from my mad little mind.

Education Night

"Okay everyone," Sam said cheerfully to the room of ghosts in the living room. "It's Education Night!"

"Not again," Hetty groaned.

"Why did we agree to this?" Isaac moaned.

"We didn't," Alberta remarked. "She just decided to do this once a month."

"Hey it's good for you guys to expand your minds and broaden your horizons," Sam told them. "And not watch trash TV all the time."

"Getting Hot In Here Season Two not trash!" Thorfinn snapped. "It real exploration of emotional and relationship issues."

"While people get gradually naked," Sasappis added.

"We don't need a TV show for that," Alberta quipped. "We've got Trevor!"

"It won't kill you to watch an hour and a half of something educational," Sam told them. "Mostly because you're already dead. I picked something that might perk your interests. It's called The Cosmos Explained. It's all about planets, outer space, black holes…"

Just then Carol walked in. "What's going on?"

"Oh, look who's here," Pete remarked. "Speaking of black holes."

"Oh, because they both suck," Trevor caught on.

"Bingo!" Pete snapped.

Sam decided to try to be pleasant. "We're doing Education Night. It's about outer space. Would you like to join us?"

"Please say no," Alberta grumbled under her breath.

"Outer space?" Carol asked. "Isn't that kind of nerdy?"

"There's nothing nerdy about the exploration of the cosmos!" Pete bristled.

"I thought you got over that stupid science fiction stuff years ago," Carol told him.

"No, I just learned to hide most of it from you," Pete told her. "Like you hid your affair with Jerry! Only difference is that I wasn't breaking any marriage vows!"

"Here we go," Sasappis grinned.

"Point to Pete," Trevor added.

"Well forgive me if I don't have the taste of a thirteen-year-old!" Carol snapped. "I prefer more sophisticated things."

Pete shot back. "Rolling your own cigarettes while drinking beer in the back of a pickup truck isn't exactly cosmopolitan Carol!"

"I did lots of things when I was younger," Carol waved.

Pete blinked. "You did that two weeks before I died!"

"Well, I was younger then," Carol waved. "Besides, cigarettes are better when you roll them yourself. It was hot! And it was an emergency!"

"What emergency?" Pete asked. "We were at the strawberry festival in the town square and the convenience store was just around the corner!"

"I didn't want to go to the strawberry festival anyway," Carol remarked.

"Yeah, right up until you found out Jerry was going to be there and there was a rumor going around he was dating someone else," Pete realized. "Then you couldn't wait to get there. Is that why you made us wait an extra hour near the entrance? You wanted to see Jerry, didn't you?"

"Turns out the rumor was false anyway," Carol admitted. "And the way you were scarfing down those strawberry shortcakes I didn't think you would notice!"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy those extra shortcakes," Pete said. "But now as I look back it all makes sense!"

"Okay!" Sam interjected. "How about we watch the space program?"

"I think we've found something better to watch," Sasappis quipped.

"Yeah, this is really educational," Trevor grinned.

"Go on Pete," Alberta said gleefully. "Let it all out!"

Pete went on. "There were those times you insisted on Jerry coming to dinner with us. All the times you went to the hardware store when I was at work."

"Oh please!" Carol snapped. "Like we'd be stupid enough to do it at the hardware store where that busy body Betty Nabronsky worked?"

"I remember her," Pete realized. "She spread more gossip than the National Enquirer."

Carol added. "She was half the reason the town post office closed down!"

"Well, that and the excessive rat problem," Pete added.

"They finally built a new one three years after you died," Carol added. "In a new location."

"That's good to know," Pete said. "Is she still around?"

"No, she died two years ago," Carol waved. "Heart attack. Nice funeral but a tacky reception. They had it at Bubba's Bar and Grill."

"I don't know that one," Pete blinked.

"Oh right," Carol remembered. "You died before The Royal Retriever burned down and they built Bubba's in 98."

"The Royal Retriever burned down?" Pete gasped. "Was it a gas leak or grease fire?"

"Arson," Carol told him. "The owner was up to his eyeballs in debt and tried to cash in on the insurance scam. He ended up getting five to ten."

"That's terrible," Pete said. "I loved the Royal Retriever."

"So did I!" Carol told him. "The food was ten times better than at Bubba's. Ugh. Meatloaf should not be gray. Or sit in your stomach like a brick. Jerry made the mistake of eating the fish and threw up for two days."

"HA!" Pete snickered.

"You think that's funny?" Carol glared at Pete.

"Yes!" Pete told her honestly. "The guy stole my wife! It's nice to know he got some karma as payback!"

"He didn't steal me!" Carol glared at Pete.

"Right, you ran off every chance you got!" Pete grumbled. "Which I can't understand when. You were always so busy with Laura and your library group and your aerobics which you were fanatical about. Heck, I remember you rushing every morning you had aerobics and said you were going to be gone…all morning."

"I think Pete is about to connect the dots," Trevor remarked.

"Hang on," Pete blinked. "Aerobics classes don't last two or three hours, do they?"

"No, they don't," Sam told him.

"That means…" Pete blinked.

"He's got it," Alberta nodded. "And so did Carol every chance she got."

"Well, I was technically getting a workout," Carol winced.

"Oh God!" Sam winced.

"You slept with Jerry after aerobics?" Pete gasped.

"Of course not!" Carol told him. "I stopped going to aerobics and went off with Jerry instead."

Pete's eyes widened. "You used to go to aerobics three times a week!"

"Technically I stopped going after my first class," Carol admitted. "What? I needed an excuse to get out of the house! But I didn't like aerobics."

"Looks like Carol found an exercise regimen that worked for her," Isaac quipped.

"Not really," Pete snapped. "She went three times a week but didn't lose a pound!"

"That probably should have been your first clue Pete," Sasappis remarked.

"We did eat room service a lot," Carol admitted. "They really had great waffles. And all those flavored syrups. Which is ironic because that's probably how I became pre-diabetic. You know? Eating all those waffles and syrup three times a week. Sometimes four."

"FOUR?" Pete shouted.

"The fourth time wasn't with Jerry," Carol told him. "I met my library group there at least once a month and we'd have brunch. I never slept with Jerry more than three times a week. Except for that one week you went to Atlantic City for that convention. We did it more than three times then."

"I do not believe this!" Pete threw up his hands.

"I can't believe you're still into this science fiction crap!" Carol shot back.

"She's trying to divert attention from her fadoodling," Hetty remarked to the other ghosts. "By turning the argument back on Pete."

"I noticed Hetty!" Pete shouted. "And it's not science fiction, Carol. It's science facts!"

"Here's a fact," Isaac quipped. "Pete really should have figured out Carol was cheating on him long before he died."

"Another fact Isaac," Pete whirled on him. "It's not a good idea to comment on some people's arguments when they can hear you!"

"I apologize," Isaac winced. "Force of habit."

"It's still weird you're into science fiction," Carol stood her ground.

"This from the woman to whom every man has gone before!" Pete shot back.

"Not every man!" Carol shouted. "Just Jerry. And Brett Mason. But that was only while we were dating and weren't engaged. Doesn't count."

"Uh kind of does," Pete told her. "When did you sleep with Brett Mason? Wait…It was the weekend I had pneumonia, wasn't it? When I missed the school dance?"

"Well, it didn't make sense for me not to go," Carol admitted.

"Wait, wasn't Brett dating Rachel Castilloni at the time?" Pete remembered.

"Yes," Carol winced. "She was. Until she caught me and Brett in the science lab."

"Hang on," Pete realized. "How did I not hear about that at school?"

"Because Rachel walked in with Scott Winters and was going to make out with him in that same science lab," Carol admitted. "None of us wanted the school to talk about it. So we all agreed to at least keep our mouths shut and never talk about it again. And Rachel never talked to me again. Or Brett."

"Is that why you dropped out of debate club Senior year?" Pete blinked.

"I had no choice!" Carol defended. "Rachel was the president! Vindictive little…"

"Who else have you cheated on me with, Carol?" Pete interrupted.

"Nobody! Just Jerry and Brett! And Brett was in high school!" Carol told him.

"You expect me to believe that?" Pete gave her a look.

"It's the truth," Carol said.

"Carol you wouldn't know the truth if it arrived in a big parade with a big banner saying Truth Is Here!" Pete shouted. "Who else?"

"I may have made out with Donny Totorone," Carol admitted.

"May have?" Pete asked.

"Okay I definitely made out with Donny," Carol shrugged. "Again, we had only just started going out and weren't completely exclusive."

"Were you ever exclusive?" Alberta called out. "I'm seriously asking."

"But all we did was make out in the boy's bathroom," Carol waved. "And a few days later he was shipped off to reform school. And I think he died in there. Or moved away. Not really sure. We lost touch but it was no big deal. Honestly, I only made out with him to get back at Karen Gribble. I can't remember why. But I know it was just to get back at her because she liked him and was a total snob to me."

"So, it was a revenge make out session?" Trevor asked.

"Exactly!" Carol nodded. "Nothing personal. Oh, now I remember why I was mad at Karen. She was bragging about her new dress and said how it would catch Donny's eye. She was wrong. He didn't care about the dress once I was through with him."

"You made out with a guy to get back at a woman over a dress?" Pete gasped.

"I can see that," Hetty remarked. "I once thwarted a woman's social climbing because she bragged about having fancier shoes than I did."

"How did you do that?" Trevor asked.

"Oh easy," Hetty said. "I told Elias that her husband was bragging that he had a better mustache than him. He couldn't destroy his business and send him to the poorhouse fast enough. He always was very proud of his mustache. Another reason he hated my sister. Margaret's was bigger."

Carol added. "The point is, Donny barely counts. He wasn't that good a kisser anyway."

"Who else?" Pete asked.

"Nobody. Nobody. Okay there was one other guy in high school," Carol admitted. "It was at one of Stacy's parties. But I don't even know his name. Or what he looked like. It was dark in that closet."

"Oh. My. Lord," Isaac's eyes widened.

"This is very educational," Trevor whispered to Hetty and Alberta.

"Again, the only person I slept with during our marriage was Jerry," Carol told him. "And I married him after you died…"

"So that makes it okay?" Pete shouted.

"What do you want from me, Pete?" Carol asked. "I apologized, didn't I?"

"Not to his face," Alberta reminded him. "When you knew he was there."

"Butt out Alberta!" Carol snapped. "This doesn't concern you!"

"The hell it doesn't!" Alberta stood up and faced off with Carol. "Pete is my friend and he deserved better than how you treated him!"

"That's right!" Trevor called out.

"Exactly!" Sasappis said at the same time.

"Hear, hear!" Isaac nodded at the same time.

"The thing is Carol," Pete said. "The first time you came here…I did forgive you. I thought you felt bad about cheating. But the more I saw you…And when you died and started sleeping around with everyone here…You don't care how I feel do you? You never did! That's why I can't forgive you anymore! In fact, I un-forgive you!"

"You can't un-forgive someone!" Carol snapped. "That's not a thing!"

"It is now!" Pete snapped. "Carol, I don't care what or who you do anymore. All I care about is that you leave me in peace! For once!"

"You heard the man," Alberta added. "Make like Dizzy Gillespie and blow!"

"Considering the circumstances," Hetty said with authority. "I suggest you leave."

"You put Pete through enough pain," Trevor added. "Go make some other schmuck's life miserable. Well after life miserable."

"Carol you been voted off island," Thorfinn added. "Tribe has spoken. What? Survivor good show."

"Well, the first ten seasons," Sasappis admitted. "After that…Ehhh…."

"Fine!" Carol spat. "I know when I'm not wanted! I'm leaving!"

"That'll be a first!" Pete shouted. "You know what? I'm leaving you!"

"Oh no you're not!" Carol shouted.

Both of them went towards the open door at the same time. They got stuck shoulder to shoulder. "I'm leaving first!" Carol shouted.

"No, you're not!" Pete shouted. "I AM!"

Sasappis groaned. "You know we can just walk through walls, right?"

"Carol, I get not remembering," Trevor added. "But you Pete? Come on!"

"How are they stuck?" Isaac blinked. "They're ghosts!"

Quickly Pete and Carol separated walking through opposite walls. "I don't know why I even wanted to get back with you in the first place!" Carol shouted as she left.

"I don't know why you never learned to chew your food!" Pete shouted back.

"GO TO HELL PETE!" Carol shouted.

"I'M ALREADY THERE, CAROL!" Pete shouted back. "ANYWHERE YOU ARE IS HELL!"

When they were gone awkward silence filled the room. "So…" Isaac paused. "Are we going to watch the program or…?"

"Watch whatever you want," Sam sighed in defeat.

"YES!" Thorfinn roared in triumph. "Thor superhero movie! Even though mythology they messed up! Still hero's name is Thor! Good enough!"

"No way," Sasappis told him. "Mystic Pizza! Or Wonka. Either one is good."

"The new Aquaman movie!" Alberta called out.

"That Pitch Perfect movie sounds pretty good," Isaac added.

"I got it!" Trevor called out. "That 1965 classic movie, Beach Bikini Babes On Bikes. I saw that movie when I was twelve and it changed my world! Spoiler alert all the women were wearing bikinis. Really tight bikinis!"

Sasappis blinked. "I change my vote!"

"Thorfinn too!" Thorfinn added.

"Oh, for the love of God Trevor…" Isaac groaned.

"And nearly all the guys were shirtless at one point," Trevor added.

"Then again it is supposed to be a classic…" Isaac shrugged.

"It wouldn't hurt to widen our cinematic palate," Hetty added.

"I'm in," Alberta added. "Bring on the beach babes!"

"When will I ever learn?" Sam groaned.