Songs:

"My Sweet Lord," George Harrison
"My Little Love," Adele

**Fiddling was had. All mistakes are mine.

Chapter 3

"I want to get to know you, Bella. I wasn't promoted to commander without knowing how to adjust my flight plans."

The earnestness in his voice and the intensity of his stare send a jolt of something unfamiliar through me, and for a split second, I'm a little terrified of the feeling. It would be so easy to listen to his sweet words and take a chance, to see where this might go, even if it's just back to his place for the night. But I can't. There are too many reasons why getting mixed up with a smooth-talking pilot is a bad idea, and my messy life is at the top of the list.

As the notes of the next song begin to play, I pull away. "Thanks for the dance," I repeat, turning to walk back to the table where Alice and Jasper are canoodling.

Not dissuaded in the least, Edward follows.

"You don't take rejection well, do you?" I ask over my shoulder.

He grins, and the sight of it makes me want to reconsider everything I've decided. "No, ma'am, especially when I think there's a chance I could change your mind."

Before I can come up with any witty retort, we're back at the table.

"You two looked rather cozy out there," Alice says.

"I guess Vamp was right; it's all in the leading, and he was a great dance partner." I reach over to grab my purse and jacket. "I think I'm going to head out, though. It's late and—"

Alice pops out of her seat and scurries around the table. "No, you can't leave yet. The night's just getting started."

"I really need to. I—" My mouth snaps closed, and I stop myself from spewing word vomit about how I'm not in the mood to answer Garrett's questions if I come home too late. Instead, I go for a generic excuse. "The boys get up early, and I told them we'd spend the day together."

Alice's eyes flash to Edward before they settle on me. "Did you at least have a good time?"

"I had the best time. Thank you so much for inviting me." And I mean it. I can't remember the last time I laughed this much or got to do something "adult." I kiss her cheek. "I'll see you Monday."

"Okay. Will you text me when you get home?"

"Of course." I turn to Jasper. "And congratulations on your retirement, Tex."

He reaches out and pulls me in for a hug. "Thanks, darlin'," he drawls, making me giggle. "Thanks for coming out."

"I wouldn't have missed it. Thank you for letting me be part of it."

When I turn to face Edward to say goodbye, my stomach twists. I have to fight against the urge to take his hand and find a quiet corner to talk. But I know nothing can come of it. Things in my life are just too complicated right now. So, I muster a smile for the handsome Lieutenant Colonel and take a steeling breath. "It was great meeting you."

"That's all I get?" He places a hand on his chest and feigns being wounded. "Shot down in my own squadron. Not even a kiss goodnight?"

His antics are enough to make me laugh, and that tightness in my stomach loosens just a little. "You've got some pretty high expectations there, Vamp."

"Well, you've set the bar pretty high yourself." He takes a step toward me, invading my space, but it doesn't feel as intrusive as it should. He reaches out, his fingertips grazing mine, sending a wave of heat up my arm. "Can I at least get your number? Maybe we can grab dinner or a movie or something one night?"

I stare down at his hand still brushing mine and smile. It would be so easy to get swept up in … whatever this is. The thought brings a sad smile to my face. When I look up and meet his eyes, I swallow down the regret of the words that follow. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

He nods, and after a moment, his expression turns contemplative. "Do you have a ride home?"

"I was just going to call a cab. I can do that, right?" I look back at Alice, who's watching Edward and me with rapt attention. Well, rapt for someone slightly inebriated. "I can get a cab to pick me up at the base, right?"

"Yes, of course, you can." She scrambles to find her own purse. "Just let me drive you up to the—"

Edward is quick to intervene. "I've got it, Alice. You don't need to be driving anyone anywhere." He turns to me. "I'll get one of the Lieutenants to drive you up to the welcome center. The cab can get you from there."

"Thanks," I say softly, touched by his thoughtfulness. "I appreciate it."

He nods then goes off in search of one of his men. Meanwhile, I place a call to the cab company. Before I've even hung up, Edward is back with a younger man in tow.

"This is Lieutenant Wright. He'll give you a ride up to the welcome center."

"Thank you," I say, my gaze bouncing between the men.

"I just need to pull the car up, ma'am. I'll be a few minutes."

As I watch the young lieutenant leave, I can feel Edward's eyes on me.

"Can I at least walk you out?"

A hundred thoughts flash through my head, not the least of which is that I may never see this man after tonight and I'm making a terrible mistake. But I push them aside and give in, prolonging our separation as long as possible. After all, it's not every day I get the attention of a handsome, charismatic man. So, I soak it up and enjoy it while it lasts. "Yeah, I'd like that."

He guides me through the crowd toward the door, resting his hand on the small of my back, and his light touch sends fireworks through my system. Even when I met Garrett all those years ago, I don't remember feeling these kinds of instant and overwhelming feelings. It's more than a little unnerving to have such a strong reaction to someone I've just met, and I'm wholly unprepared for it.

Once we're outside, it's just the two of us. The music and laughter from the squadron is muffled, merely a hum in the background.

I want more than anything to be reckless and throw caution to the wind with this man, but I can't. So, we stand in silence, our bodies a scant few inches apart. I keep my eyes trained on the lot beside the building, waiting for the Lieutenant to pull up, but the harder I focus, the warmer Edward's body beside mine feels.

"I know you don't want to give me your number," he finally says when I spot a car pulling around the building. My head whips around and my eyes meet Edward's. He holds up one of the flimsy coasters from the squadron between his first two fingers. "But you never said I couldn't give you mine."

In the blink of an eye, he slips the thin piece of cardboard into my purse.

I open my mouth to protest. "But—"

"No. No buts, Bella. I meant it when I said I wanted to get to know you better. And I know you're not ready for anything serious. Hell, I can tell you're not ready for anything causal." He reaches for my hand, gently taking it in his, and that tingle I felt when he touched me earlier is still there. "But there's some kind of connection between us. I can feel it. You can't tell me you don't."

I look down to our joined hands and back up to him. "I can't," I say softly.

He nods once, sharply. "Just know you can call me—even if it's just to complain about the idiot who's too stupid to see what he's giving up." He squeezes my hand. "I want to get to know you. The good and the bad."

"But … why? Why me? I've got nothing but baggage right now. I'm not even in a place where I can commit to meeting you for coffee, let alone anything more serious. I've got kids, and an ex and a million reasons you should be running in the other direction when you've got nothing tying you down."

He chuckles. "That's not entirely true. I'm kind of married to my job these days."

I gently nudge his shoulder, breathing a laugh. "Stop. I'm being serious." My voice softens. "Why me when you could go find someone with a lot less chaos in her life?"

"Because I can tell you're someone special. And I think in the end, it's going to be worth jumping through a few hoops to get to know you." Before I can stop him, he leans in and places a soft kiss on my cheek.

I'm in a daze when he helps me into the car, and I'm still in a daze when, an hour later, I'm trying to slip into the house undetected. I don't bother undressing, instead I lie on the couch, staring at the ceiling, trying to decide if I'll ever be able to take a leap of faith with a man I just met and make that call.

The next morning, I wake up to the sounds of a grumbling Garrett, banging around in the kitchen. The old me would have jumped up to make sure he wasn't breaking my coffee maker, but this morning I really couldn't care less.

With a sigh, I toss off the throw I've had wrapped around me all night and head to the bathroom. Looking down at my rumpled clothes, I'm sure the rest of me is a mess as well. And when I see myself in the mirror, my suspicions are confirmed. My makeup is smudged, and my hair is tangled mess, but beyond that, I look … rested. There's a light in my eyes that wasn't there the last time I looked, and I like what I see. I have no doubt a certain someone from last night has something to do with it.

When I finally make it to the kitchen, there are puddles of spilled water and scattered coffee grounds all over the counter.

I snatch a dishrag off the sink and wipe up after Garrett. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm making coffee."

"Seriously, Garrett, could you be any messier?"

He huffs. "Well, I got tired of waiting for you to wake up and make it."

I freeze. "What did you say?"

"What's up with you staying out all night, anyway?"

With my mouth agape, I turn to face him. "What?"

"Where were you until midnight? The boys were upset you weren't here to tuck them in."

His words make me bristle. "I was out with some friends, not that it's any of your business."

"And that's why you fell asleep on the couch in that getup?" He motions to my jeans and rumpled halter top.

I self-consciously fold my arms over my chest.

"You—"

Before he can berate me any further, the boys come through the doorway, looking for breakfast.

"Mommy!" Seth comes bounding toward me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I missed you last night."

Garrett slips from the room, mumbling something about leaving and being gone for the day, but I ignore him, focusing instead on my children. "I missed you, too. Did you have fun?"

While I start on their pancakes, I get an earful about their evening with their father and the girlfriend. Seth doesn't run out of steam until his breakfast is almost stone cold, but my oldest is suspiciously quiet.

"Jake, what about you? Did you have a good time?"

He shrugs, thoughtfully chewing on a mouthful.

Seth whispers to me, "He told Kate to shut up."

Jake sits ramrod straight in his chair, his eyes huge. "Shut up, Seth!"

"Whoa, Jacob. That's not a nice thing to say to anyone." I wait for one of them to talk, but they both remain tight-lipped. "Will one of you tell me what happened, please?"

Seth opens his mouth first, but what follows is the two of them talking over each other. I turn to Jacob. "Did you tell Kate to shut up?"

He drops his gaze to his lap and nods.

"Why?"

He shrugs.

"Jacob …"

"I don't like her."

"You don't like her?" I ask slowly.

"She tries too hard."

"Jacob, please look at me."

When he does, his shining eyes almost do me in. "Can I go to my room?"

A weary sigh escapes me. As much as I want to talk to him and ask him what happened, I know if I push him right now, it won't end well. There's only so much a ten-year-old boy can handle, and I fear he's reached his breaking point.

I nod. "Yeah, you can go to your room."

He gets up from the table and takes his plate to the sink, but before he can walk past me and escape to the safety and solitude of his bedroom, I gently grab his arm. "Can I have a hug?"

Begrudgingly, he lets me hug him, and after a few minutes, I can feel his body relaxing in my arms. "It's going to be okay, Jake," I say softly. "I promise."

Without another word, he slips from my arms and disappears upstairs.

Seth helps me wash the dishes, and I hope to get him to tell me more about their night with their dad, but trying to get details from a seven-year-old is an exercise in futility. His thoughts and recollections are scattered at best, and I don't get any real details out of him. I also don't want him to think he has to report to me, even if my instinct is to press him a little more.

Once he's occupied with a cartoon on TV, I steal the opportunity to shower. But before I make it to the bathroom, my phone rings.

"Hey, Rose."

"Don't 'hey, Rose' me. I thought you would have called me by now to tell me all about your night."

I sit on the edge of my unmade bed, Garrett's sheets and blankets practically spilling onto the floor. "I had fun."

"Fun? That's all you have to tell me? You went out for the first time in years, and all you can say is you had fun? Come on, Bella."

"What do you want me to tell you? I had a few drinks, I met a few people, and I danced a little. I had fun."

And like a bloodhound, she picks up on the crumbs I've given her. "You, Bella Marie McCarty, danced? With another live human being, you willingly danced?"

I laugh. "Well, it was under duress, but yes, I danced."

"With …"

Unconsciously, a sigh escapes as thoughts of the beautiful, confident, green-eyed pilot come to mind. "With a really nice guy who's beyond out of my league."

"Why is he out of your league? Is there something wrong with you I'm not aware of?"

"Well, he's single with—"

"I would hope he's single if he was wooing you on the dance floor."

"When did I say he was wooing me? Can you be serious for just a minute?"

"What? If he got you to dance, there had to be at least some wooing going on. You don't do that shit for just anybody."

"As I was saying, he's single, no kids, no looming divorce, no complications. There's absolutely no good reason for him to give me a second glance."

"Is he blind? Sis, you looked hot last night."

"Rose …"

"Then was he ugly or something?"

I snort a laugh, thinking about just how not ugly Edward Cullen was. "No. He's the furthest thing from ugly."

"Oh, spill."

And I do. For the next hour, I go over every detail of the short time I spent with Edward, every word of conversation we shared, wondering out loud if I imagined the instant connection I felt to him.

I lie back and roll to my stomach, bending my knees and lifting my feet into the air, crossing them at the ankles. It's a pose I haven't struck since I was a starry-eyed teenager and would talk to my friends about boys for hours. And at the moment, I'm feeling like a starry-eyed teenager.

"Am I being stupid?"

"Bella," Rose says softly, "I think if you felt some kind of connection with this guy, you should give him a call. Worst thing that could happen is you hook up and get some for the first time in—how long has it been again? A year? Maybe you should go see your doctor and make sure there aren't any cobwebs down there."

"Shut up," I say with a giggle. "My B.O.B. takes care of the cobwebs, thank you very much."

"Whatever. So, casual sex with a hottie is the worst thing that could happen."

"No, the worst thing that could happen is he's changed his mind and decides me and my baggage aren't worth the trouble."

"Look, if what you're telling me is true, it sounds like this guy is more than a little interested. And you haven't thought about the best case scenario. What if you see him again and there really is a connection? Maybe he's exactly what you need right now."

As the days pass, I think about what my sister said. It's on my mind every time I touch the now-worn edges of the coaster tucked into my purse. It's on my mind every time one of the jets on base flies overhead. The roar has always been the soundtrack of living here, but now that Edward is on my mind, I'm hyper aware of the sounds as the planes fly over our heads every day.

But I don't call him. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen, some defining moment to signal when the rest of my life will begin.

With every bump in the road, every disagreement between Garrett and me, I bend a little more. In ways I'm not ready to admit, I feel more of my true self slipping further and further away, and pursuing a new relationship is the last thing I need to be focusing on. My main focus is on keeping the peace for as long as I need to.

The days leading up to Garrett finally moving out of the house crawl at a snail's pace. My almost-ex and I dance around each other, each of us silently circling the other in the mornings and evenings, the boys the only buffer between us. Garrett's things are slowly packed away into boxes as our lives are meticulously sliced into two.

It's both painful and a relief.

The kids walk on eggshells around us, hiding in their rooms on the nights when things get too tense, and it makes me feel like shit. Although I know our current situation isn't my fault, I can't help but feel guilty that my babies are suffering for the mistakes their parents have made. And I know I've made mistakes. I know during the last several years of our marriage my focus was more on the kids than my husband, so I accept some of the blame for why everything fell apart.

While Seth seems to roll with the punches most days, the way Jacob is dealing with everything worries me. He continues to act out, being disrespectful to Garrett and to me, and as much as I know he's going through an adjustment, it's making an already difficult situation that much harder.

Work is stressful, but only because my mind is perpetually somewhere else when it should be on what I'm doing. It feels unfair that I'm so focused on what's happening in my personal life when I should be embracing the new opportunities I've been given.

Every day for weeks, it's lather, rinse, repeat, until Garrett takes the first load of his things to his and Kate's new house. The shift in the mood in our house makes for a tense evening. Jacob is especially sullen, and my heart breaks for my little boy as I watch him fight tears.

I plop down on the sofa beside him and rest my head on his shoulder. "You okay, kiddo?"

His only response is a shrug.

"Want to talk about it?"

He continues to silently stare at the television.

"Do you want to call your dad?"

"No," he murmurs. "He's busy with his girlfriend."

I lift my head from his shoulder. "Hey. He's just getting settled in. He's probably busy painting or unpacking boxes or something else boring. You're going with him tomorrow and you'll get to see the house and spend the night." A lump forms in my throat. "He'll always make time for you, Jacob. If it would make you feel better to call him, he'll answer."

He shrugs me off and stands from the sofa, stomping up the steps to his room.

"I'll cuddle with you, Mommy," Seth says, quickly taking his brother's vacated spot beside me.

I wrap my arms around him and kiss the top of his head. "Thanks, buddy."

And after my kids are asleep, instead of taking advantage of my empty bed, the bed I shared with my husband, I once again crawl into Seth's. I lie awake half the night, wondering how long it's going to be before this new normal feels normal.

Garrett's quiet mutterings float through the empty hallways and into the boys' bedroom. As I lie in Seth's bed, curled around my little boy, I close my eyes and attempt to go back to sleep. The last thing I want to do is watch him pack up the rest of his things. There's a large part of me that would rather pretend today isn't happening.

I knew this day was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept that the man I've spent the last fifteen years of my life with is moving out.

"Mommy?" Seth's soft voice breaks me out of my musings.

I look down into his pretty brown eyes and brush his tangled hair off his forehead. "Yeah, baby?"

"When Daddy leaves, are we still going to be a family?"

"What?"

"Jacob said last night when Daddy left we weren't a family anymore."

Pain stabs my heart as tears sting my eyes. "Oh, Seth, of course, we're still going to be a family. No matter what happens between Daddy and me, we're still a family. It'll just look a little different than it does now. You'll still see us both. You'll just be spending time with Mommy and Daddy separately."

"But I don't want us to be apart." His own watery eyes close as he snuggles into my chest and softly cries.

In this whole process, the carefully dissecting of our joint lives, Garrett and I have done our best to shield our children from the worst of it. It hurts more than I ever imagined it would to know that our efforts were for nothing. After everything we did to protect the boys from pain, they're feeling it anyway.

"Seth," I whisper, "Daddy and I will always love you and Jacob more than anything. That will never ever change, okay?"

With a subtle nod, Seth pulls away and wipes his pajama sleeve under his nose. "Okay."

"How about we go downstairs and have breakfast together before your dad leaves? Would you like that?"

A small smile finally lights his face. "Yeah."

He crawls over me to run to the bathroom. I roll to my back and stare at the ceiling, the weight of today finally hitting me. It's not like the four of us have been spending any significant amount of time together, but after today, there will be no more mornings in the kitchen, scrambling to get the kids out the door, no more fighting over who gets the last of the pancakes on Saturday morning. Life for my kids is forever changed from this point onward.

A rustling on the other side of the room gets my attention, and I turn to see Jacob staring right at me, his expression almost blank.

"You okay?"

"Why did you lie to Seth?"

"Lie?" I sit up, perching on the edge of the bed. "When did I lie to Seth, Jacob?"

"You told him we were still going to be a family. You lied. When Dad leaves, we won't be a family anymore."

"We will, Jake. The only thing that's changing is your Dad and I won't be living together anymore. We're still your parents, we still love you, and we'll still be here for whatever you need."

He throws back his covers and stomps toward the bathroom. "Yeah, but you won't be here together."

Watching him walk away with such a huge chip on his shoulder only reminds me of how far we still have to go. He's lost trust in everything he's ever known, and it's our job to reassure him on this uncharted path.

I have no doubt my patience is about to be tested.

After I finally get my time in the bathroom, I make my way downstairs and see Garrett and the boys at the kitchen table.

"Mommy!" Seth scrambles to grab an empty bowl and dump a heap of Cheerios into it. He holds it up proudly, a huge smile on his face. "Here."

I kiss the top of his head, his bed-head hair tickling my nose. "Thank you, baby." Glancing across the table, I catch Garrett's eyes. "Morning."

"Morning."

I fight against asking him if he's all packed, if there's anything I can do to help. My instincts war inside me, the need to help the man I've spent my life with being overpowered by the desire to have him out of my house. Everything about today feels wrong. Besides, asking him if he needs help would only precipitate an argument, and the last thing I want to do is argue with him. Of everything that has and is yet to happen, the memory of this morning is likely the one the boys will carry for a long time, and I don't want to do anything that would make it a bad one.

Listening to the kids talk about their plans for the week—a friend's birthday party Jacob's been invited to and Seth's field trip to the zoo—brings me back to simpler, happier mornings—mornings before Garrett decided we were through, and before I decided I was tired of fighting for him.

When Seth chatters on about acing his most recent spelling test, I'm reminded that those good parts of my life are still happening, that my life with my boys isn't changing.

Just like I told Seth earlier, things will still be the same … just different.

A/N: Can't wait to hear what you all think!

One more day in Texas for me with the lovely Driving Edward, then it's back to frozen Ohio. Lol. I think I saw single digits in my city's forecast for the night I get home. Blah.

"See" you next week!

Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.

Lots of love
~Sunshine