PROMPT: Seven Slaps Janeway

"You can't lie to yourself after loving something true. And I never loved a soul quite the way that I loved you..." - Letting Someone Go by Zach Bryan

What had they been fighting about? Anything except the issue, obviously. Annika had been antagonizing Janeway since they met, both unconsciously and consciously.

At first they pretended everything was okay. Kathryn cared deeply about public appearances, especially concerning this matter. Whether Seven of Nine was or wasn't attracted to her, whether she was or wasn't a little in love with the girl, these were things better left totally unacknowledged. But open secrets lead to open wounds and it was only a matter of time before the facade fell, on both sides.

Not that they were ever fooling anyone. No member of Janeway's crew, especially those who knew her, believed her attachment to Seven was platonic. They remembered how shook, how changed she appeared after her first encounter with Seven. They knew she had brought Seven of Nine aboard nonsensically, as a danger to her entire crew, simply because she was unwilling to leave her behind. Others were present when the young woman emerged from the mist, tossed her blonde hair and flicked her green eyes toward Kathryn with marked affection. They saw the panic in Kathryn's eyes when she turned from the girl, as if she had seen a premonition of her own undoing.

To them it was clear Kathryn tried to put distance between she and the Borg. But Seven ran along after her like a lost duckling. Every cool word she uttered, Seven came back with imploring heat.

"She likes you," they told Kathryn. She stared out the window like she had no idea what a younger woman might like about an older women. Despite her decades of haunting the beds of older women herself.

"She's young. It will blow over."

Of course the worst thing for Janeway would be if hew crew believed she "returned" Seven's affection. For them, and for Seven herself, she pretended it was a reasonable if annoying stretch of her patience. But nothing more. It was like she reciprocated Seven's misguided attachment to her. That would be alarming to them for so many reasons. It would paint Janeway in such a condemning light. As if no one has ever cared for a beautiful young woman for any reason other than incredible sex.

However. That wasn't her hill to die on. Kathryn was the Captain of a starship, not a cougar in her sexual prime. And it had nothing to do with falling love, either. Sex, love, attraction, affection, intimacy ... those were all voided now that Janeway was Voyager's only hope. She was the one whose negligence put them into this position. She was the one on whose shoulders the responsibility fell. It wasn't even her personal choice whether to fall in love or not. Kathryn Janeway was shackled to Voyager, and that meant her private desires were rendered irrelevant. Being in any kind of personal relationship would be beyond selfishness for the Captain, especially if that relationship was intense enough to make her value her precious loved one over her fealty to Voyager.

Not to mention the fact that Janeway really believed Seven deserved better. She deserved more. She clearly longed to fall in love and needed someone who could make themselves available to those emotions. The most Janeway could offer her was secret sleazy liaisons leading to ultimate heartbreak. And clearly Seven hadn't though it through to that conclusion, but for everyone else it was apparent Kathryn was trying to protect her and do the right thing. All Seven could see or feel was the loss of Kathryn's intimacy and the pain of her own unreciprocated devotion. For her, the worst part was that Janeway *lied* about caring about her.

She just *lied* right to her face, right in front of every member of the crew. The way she acted like she didn't care about her, at times was annoyed by her. Seven was just being sincere, just acknowledging and admitting the truth, as she had always done. But Janeway had to act like it was such an embarrassment and such a niusance, even dealing with Seven.

POP!

Oh no. Seven struck her.

Kathryn sighed. "Seven," she started but trailed off.

"Punish me if you wish, Captain. I am unrepentant." Her tone was defiant and it made Kathryn's heart race.

"You are unrepentant for striking your Captain in the face?"

Seven glanced at the pink mark on her cheek with subtle approval and nodded.

It was all Kathryn could do not to smile. This was the main reason she was so afraid of fighting with the girl. Seven is intoxicatingly cute to her when she's angry.

Janeway sighed. "How would you feel if Chakotay slapped me like that?" her tone was softer than Seven expected. She frowned at the well thought question, reflected on it, and shrugged.

"Answer me," the Captain prodded gently.

She breathed for replying, "I would think him cowardly."

"Then please explain why you did it."

Seven's large green eyes trained on her, and ferociously expressed her emotions while Kathryn watched timidly. When the fire in her eyes subsided, she breathed, collected herself, and shrugged.

Kathryn breathed for a moment while the heat of Seven's fiery emotions and their affect subsided. Then she sighed and said, "Seven, the truth is I'm sorry."

Seven's feature's melted into a pout.

"If I could give you what you want, you know I would," Kathryn told her gently after a pause.

Seven seemed both hurt and soothed by the comment, she stared out the window and breathed while Kathryn watched her.

"Why can't you?" she asked in a small voice.

"Because -" Janeway checked her tone. It wasn't Seven she was fighting with, it was Love itself. "Because you deserve more. Because I have obligations. Because it's against the rules I operate under." She breathed for a moment before finishing, "And you know you I would suffer cruel criticism. You're a lot younger than me. With your appearance, the crew would assume ... I'm some kind of pervert. Just for liking you back."

Seven's eyes lined with tears and she tossed it so they would break loose. Watching her cry over her was the hardest moment of Kathryn Janeway's life. She tried to stay strong across the room but eventually she was moved to stride towards Seven and sit down carefully on the couch beside her. She reached a hand toward her back, unsure, and eventually used it to comb through Seven's blond hair and pull it back from her pinkened face.

"Darling," she whispered, "There's nothing I could ever want more than you. But my hands are tied. I'm sorry."

Seven's lip trembled so she bit it in place and refused to look at Janeway.

"You're just a coward," she breathed after a pause.

Kathryn stiffened and pulled her hand away from Seven's hair. She had been a soldier most of her life. The comment did not sit well with her. She was protecting Seven, sheltering her. That was the brave thing to do, not the cowardly thing to do.

"I know you're disappointed with me, but please understand my choices."

"I do," Seven snapped at her. "You're selfish."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. Apparently no amount of laying her heart bare was enough to please Seven of Nine.

"How is sacrificing my personal happiness for the greater good of rescueing this crew selfish, in your eyes?"

"You STOLE ME," her voice rose so fast, "from the Collective. Because you WANTED ME. You took me from the BORG QUEEN because of YOUR JEALOUSY OF HER. You stuffed me in a cage! And now you're telling me to accept your personal failures as the terms of your 'sacrifice to the Great Good'? BULLSHIT! You don't have the guts!"

Kathryn saw red, uttering before she even heard herself, "Fuck you."

POP. Seven slapped her again.

"SEVEN!" Kathryn took her wrists before she could assault her further and wrestled her down against the couch, scolding her in a fierce tone.

"You childish-"

"I should-"

"Stop fighting-"

Before she realized Seven is a lot stronger than her. Seven easily extracted herself and threw Janeway off her. She pinned the older woman down, grinning, and hissed at her.

"You bully-"

"I should-"

"I'll kill you-"

Whoa. Kathryn's eyes shot open. She shook her head. That's too far. That's too much. Don't talk about killing me.

She stared up at Seven, pinning her down, smiling at her, breathing and snapping her jaws like a fighting animal.

Kathryn broke free and left her breathing on the couch. She paced the room to cope with the feeling she should run fast and hard, away from Seven.

They were silent for minutes that stretched out forever. Seven sat pouting on the couch, watching Janeway pace the room. Janeway tried desperately to think beyond her desire to make love with Seven.

Because. And this is the point. Fighting really turns Kathryn on. Especially with Seven. Seven was probably thinking Janeway wanted to kill her at the moment, and she was actually fighting the desire to undress her.

Have you ever orgasmed with your heart beating really hard? It's life altering.

Maybe on some terrible, secret level Janeway always wanted this from Seven. Her fierceness. Her anger. Her intensity. The ease with which she picked fights with Janeway. The excitement in her eyes while arguing. It was like a drug to Kathryn. She had fought the craving for so long, but Seven made it nearly impossible by fighting with her.

She stared at the younger woman and knew she should say something. All she wanted to tell her was how beautiful she looked. How Kathryn thought she was probably the most beautiful woman alive.

Seven stared back at her. She just wanted to slap her again. She wanted to slap her until she agreed to undress and make love with her.

Kathryn shook her head and finally muttered in a defeated tone, "Babygirl ... sleeping together is the worst thing we could do about this. I know it hurts. God, it hurts me, too. But I'm the older person, Seven. I'm the Captain. I have to protect you. From yourself and from me. From how I feel about you. I'm sorry. This is what I have to do because I love you."

Oh wow. It was like she stepped on a cat's tail. The whole room took on a different feel.

Seven gazed at her with wide eyes.

"I slapped you twice and called you a coward. And all you have to say in response is ... you love me?"

Kathryn winced but nodded.

"I'm sorry, baby. God, I love you so much. But my hands are tied."

Seven exhaled.

"Will you please consider changing your mind?"

Kathryn smirked at the preciousness of her question and imploring tone.

"You know I can't. If you'll allow it, I'll apologize with a hug."

Seven looked up at her with a pout and beckoned her over. She eased into the cushions and wrapped her arms around the young woman, squeezing her back against Janeway's smaller chest.

They enjoyed the embrace for too long, leaning their faces into each other's necks.

"Okay, that's enough."

Seven kissed her cheek and she quickly returned the kiss on Seven's forehead.

"You gotta go now, honey," the Captain breathed.

Seven's eyes looked so sad, she relented. She pulled the woman into her embrace and leaned back on the couch so she could snuggle to her.

Kathryn went on holding Seven in the silence of her cabin until the woman fell asleep on her shoulder. Knowing she couldn't move them to the bed, she stayed all night on the couch with the former drone cradled in her arms.