Shinji hits the ground running. Guilt and panic drive him towards the smoldering hulk of Unit 00. In theory an entry plug inside an Eva was supposed to protect the occupant from almost anything short of an N2 mine, and possibly even that with an AT field. In practice, in practice that theory held up about as far as he could throw an Eva, he'd seen that before he'd even gotten in Unit 01 the first time. The sight of Ayanami's broken body flashes through his mind as he runs. The way she winced in pain when he lifted her. The taste of her blood in his mouth as he climbed into the entry plug determined to protect her. The heat of this Angel's attack in the moments before he'd passed out.
He passes the melted remains of the heat shield that had failed. Ayanami hadn't been able to raise an AT field because it would interfere with his shot. He'd failed the first time. She'd protected him long enough to take the second. Smoke and the stench of burning metal, wood, and flesh fill his lungs causing him to gasp as he runs, but he does not slow down, can not slow down.
He can feel the heat from the plug as he scrambles over the debris and earth thrown up by the plug's impact, and can only hope the plugsuit gloves provide some insulation. It's a meager hope, the suit hadn't helped much when the LCL was boiling around him. Even after the hours of treatment, his skin still felt raw wherever anything touched it, and the suit covered everything but his face, which had stopped itching as the waves of hot air coming from the smoking remains of Unit 00 on one side and the entry plug in front of him buffeted his skin, overwhelming the nerves. Not that he noticed anything other than how slow he felt, how long it seemed to be taking him.
An Eva emergency hatch is hard to open by hand even when it isn't half melted and still almost red hot but the heat barely registers, it's just more pain. His own pain this time, not the Eva's, but it didn't matter. After struggling with it for a few seconds, a few hours, he forces it open and puts his head inside and looks up towards Ayanami. Ayanami is lying motionless in her seat and he doesn't notice the hot LCL splashing his legs as it drains out around him.
"Ayanami! Ayanami, are you alright?"
There's no response. He calls louder, "Ayanami!"
Rei's eyes flicker open, his voice finally reaching her.
Shinji, not hearing any response, climbs frantically into the entry plug to check on her. It's awkward getting in this way and he stumbles and slips in the LCL. For a terrifying moment he thinks he's going to fall on her again, but he catches himself on the edge of her seat. He looks up to find her looking back at him. There's a long pause as he tries to catch his breath, the taste of evaporating LCL in his mouth as he breathes out quick panting breaths.
"Don't... don't say you don't have anything else... don't ever say... something like that!" He looks away for a moment, half afraid she'll stop breathing if he does, as if he was using up all the air.
"Don't say sad things like 'Farewell' when you leave someone!"
He struggles to hold himself up, his arms trembling, his legs starting to shake, his mind no longer completely overwhelmed. She's still alive. She doesn't appear to be obviously injured. He hasn't caused her death by his incompetence. He will have chance to make up for the things he's done. She's still alive.
"Why are you crying?"
He doesn't know how to answer, he long ago learned not to cry where anyone can see him and he's not upset or hurt in any way that matters, but he can feel the cool trace on his face in the heat of the pod and his breathing has steadied. His heart is no longer trying to beat itself out of his chest and he can feel its rate slowing now he's seen that she's alright.
"I'm sorry. I do not know what kind of expression I should make at times like this," Ayanami's calm voice is reassuring even if her words suggest she is as confused as he is.
Well, there's the one he seems to unexpectedly have. "I think you should smile."
Rei opens her eyes wide as Pilot Ikari looks at her with an expression she doesn't quite understand. The Commander has previously expressed concern for her welfare. He never looks that soft or gentle. The Commander has need of her. There is no reason for the Third to care so much. She has followed instructions correctly. She and Unit 00 are dispensable. She will have to think about this more.
After a moment she gradually lets a smile form. It's not quite the same as his, but it is close enough and it feels right.
There is a long silence punctuated by the sounds of dripping LCL, the ping of cooling metal, distant shouts. Finally the crash of falling debris intrudes on Shinji's awareness and he realizes he's been staring at Ayanami, who has been holding his gaze with her normal calm broken by the very slight smile that seemed to light up her face.
His reverie broken, the LCL flowing over his feet and the very slightly cooler air on his back reminds him what he's doing. At least the heat of the plug hides the heat in his face as he climbs out of Ayanami's way and back into the smokey air.
The ground immediately around the escape hatch is solid, trampled down as he'd struggled with the release mechanism, the surrounding area much less so. 00 had churned up a lot of the ground that had been baked solid by the Angel's beam when it fell. He'd made a bigger mess frantically digging out Ayanami's plug when the release didn't work. The towering bulk of 01 shelters them slightly from the burning forest behind it, its tight immobile grasp preventing the plug from rolling away.
He finds a slightly more solid looking spot a few steps away and turns back to see Ayanami's head outlined by the hatch. The pain in his own hands urges him back to her and he reaches out before his conscious brain can catch up with what he was doing. Her eyes catch his and he can't look away, or manage the needed words. Then her eyes flick to his hand, and the hot edge of the hatch where she was about to place her own. She pulls her hand back and cautiously reaches out to take his gently, then firmly as his grip steadies her.
His grip is the only thing in her world that is steady. The ground shifts under her feet as she steps out. The world shifts sideways as her vision tries to make sense of her orientation in the mess of churned earth, smoking Evangelions and tilted entry plug. She closes her eyes as she falls. Towards him. Not back towards the hot exterior of the entry plug. His fingers tighten around her hand. The slight weight of his arm has determined the direction of her fall. She relaxes. Impacting the ground will hurt less. That will not happen. He will catch her.
If he'd waited long enough to think it would have been too late. If her tightening grip flaring the pain in his burned hand hadn't increased his focus on her. But he didn't and it did and he caught her before she fell. That he still wasn't thinking was a good thing as he put his arm around her to steady her.
Ayanami is soft, that's all he really notices, even with the protrusions from her plugsuit poking his ribs uncomfortably, the smell of the LCL dripping out of her hair onto his shoulder, the smoke from the smoldering mountain of Unit 00 wafting around them carrying the stench of burning flesh and metal. Her plugsuit is drying in the heat except where his own is touching her. At least it's not her bare damp skin under his gloved fingers. Having their fingers twined together is somehow almost as bad.
Another instinct kicks in. The one that says he shouldn't be holding her. The danger of her falling is passed. She will hate him enough for yesterday. This ... he tries to pull away but her grip tightens.
"Please do not stop. This is," uncharacteristically Rei pauses mid-sentence, "comfortable." She rests her head on his shoulder, her still damp hair against his cheek.
Comfortable. That's one word for it.
A few minutes later the sound of the recovery team approaching intrudes on their motionless forms still holding each other and they finally pull apart.
"I'm sorry Ayanami, I..." He falters, unsure what to say. He's done many things wrong in the last two days, but stopping Ayanami falling wasn't one of them. She'd been the one who prevented him letting go, even after she'd been steady on her feet.
She interrupts his thoughts, "Ikari, may we do this again?"
"Umm. Yes. Any time you want to, just ask." He hopes she means this holding each other thing, not the whole nearly dying a painful burning death part. The four times they've touched run through his mind. It seems very unlikely that she wants him to do so again, but if she really does, and if he doesn't die of embarrassment first, he could manage that for her.
Rei turns and watches the recovery team approaching, a faint expression on her face that Shinji would later learn to call thoughtful. Much later. Right now he can't manage to look at her.
It is three days before he's allowed back to school. Two since he's seen Ayanami, who hasn't said a word to him since but was sitting next to his bed reading the first time he woke up after the burn treatment. His hands are still a little stiff, but the best thing he can do is use them and remember to work in the burn cream twice a day.
So he'd gotten up and done the one thing he could think of as an act of atonement, not that there was a way to sufficiently apologize, Ayanami had ignored his previous attempts. The one thing he had noticed, other than the mess, when Ayanami left him standing alone in her apartment was that her kitchen shelf looked empty of anything that even Misato-san would eat.
Which is how he finds himself standing by her desk at the start of lunch with a bento of all the different things he could fit with her staring up at him with an expression he could not read, nothing that might have given him any idea what she might be thinking
"I'm sorry Ayanami, for the thing at your apartment the other day." He can't look her in the face for more than a moment and looking down is a really bad idea, because if he does he can see her curves under her uniform, her bare legs under the desk and his memory is full of how she looks and feels. Instead he focuses on the box in his hands, taking care not to squash it. "I thought you might like something tastier than what the cafeteria has. I'm sorry, I wasn't sure what you'd like so there's a a few different things."
"I do not eat meat."
"I'm sorry. Well, the onigiri has plum in one and the other is made with mushroom. The second roll has red beans. The other roll has fish, in case you don't eat fish either."
"I do not eat any creature that might be classified as fish. Nor do I eat cephalopods or crustaceans."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
Rei looks back up at him. He's still staring at the box in his hands. She does not understand why he does not look at her while she is talking to him. That is the polite thing to do. She does not understand why he is apologizing again. She has told him it is unnecessary. Ikari is behaving strangely. Her nutritional needs are met. Why would taste be important enough for him to prepare food for her? Ikari's face is red. Is he ill? Is he angry? Neither seems to be the case. Is there some import in him bringing her food that she does not understand?
He is trembling slightly and may drop the food. That would render it inedible for either of them. She takes the box from his hands. As she opens it the stench of meat is obvious but no worse than that of other student's lunches. The rice balls do not appear to be contaminated. She takes one out and inspects it carefully. There is no indication of its filling. Ikari has no reason to lie to her about its contents. She sniffs it cautiously. There is no stench of meat. She takes a bite. There is a very slight flavor to the rice that she does not recognize. It is not unpleasant. She takes another bite. The texture is strange. The flavor is complex. There must be more than one type of mushroom. She would recognize shiitake or enoki so it must include something unfamiliar. She closes her eyes to focus. This is very different than her usual food. The rice ball is small and does not take long to eat.
She reaches for the other one. This must be plum. She inspects it just as carefully for any contamination. She takes a small bite. The rice has the same unknown flavor. The plum is sweet and slightly tart. It is a very different flavor than the mushroom.
She looks at the bento. She cannot eat any of the remaining items. She has an odd feeling she does not understand. It passes. It must not have been important.
She closes the box and hands it back to Ikari, "I cannot eat this."
"I'm sorry," he apologizes again. Then he turns and walks away. She turns back to the window. The flavor lingers in her mouth. Is this what Ikari meant by tastier?
It's a week after he returned to school and Shinji is up to six items he can safely put in Ayanami's lunch. Not that she's accepted his apology, but she does thank him for lunch so he still has hope he might eventually be forgiven. Today he's venturing into seaweed wrappings, they don't have a strong taste and if she doesn't like them she'll be able to unwrap the onigiri easily enough. At least now he can look in her direction without blushing, as long as he doesn't catch her eyes.
Which is why when he turns to close the door quietly behind him he assumes that the flash of blue he sees out of the corner of his eye is just his imagination tormenting him. He pauses a moment, long enough to hear the faint sound of Misato's snoring through the door before turning back to look over the railing. That was definitely Ayanami-blue, he sat three empty chairs behind her almost every day, it would be unusual if he didn't recognize it. He checked his pocket for his Id card on his way down the stairs. There was no reason for her to come here, he'd see her at school. Unless she had some unscheduled test or something down at the GeoFront and wanted her lunch - that would be understandable, he'd encountered the Nerv cafeteria.
He stopped to catch his breath when he reached the bottom and looked towards the road. For a moment he doesn't see her and he starts to think it was just his imagination, or the mirage he saw the day he arrived in the city. But it's the wrong angle for a mirage, the day isn't hot enough yet, and by the time he's considered that, his feet have carried him to where he can see her standing as if she'd always been there.
"Good Morning Ayanami, what are you doing here?" He looks down and to the side, he still can't look directly at her without thinking about things he still feels guilty about, not when she's right in front of him.
"Pilot Ikari, would you hold me?"
He unthinkingly rubs the back of his head, surprised and uncertain, after the battle was one thing. At least they had reason to support each other on the uneven ground, and they'd stopped before anyone could see them, but holding her here, out here on the street in public... But this was Ayanami and he owed her something for what he'd done, and for saving his life, nearly at the cost of her own. He couldn't turn down her unexpected request.
"Sure, I guess I offered." He cringed inwardly at his inability to put things into words.
"If it is an inconvenience I will proceed to school." There is a note of what he hopes is disappointment in her voice. Not that he wanted to disappoint her, he'd done too much of that already. Just he couldn't tell and if it wasn't that it was probably something even worse.
"No, no, it's not a problem. I just didn't expect you to be here, or to ask."
It was of course, but he couldn't say that. He had offered, he couldn't refuse, but if he were to hold her the way he had before he'd have to look at her and he'd feel her increasingly and inappropriately familiar body and...
While he's internally panicking, Ayanami steps closer, then so close she's touching him and her arms wrap around him. He takes a slow breath and reciprocates carefully, slowly, until he's holding her once more. It's much more comfortable than in their plugsuits, even though there is technically more layers of clothing between them. Their school clothes provide less insulation and she is warm and soft.
She rests her head on his shoulder, he can feel her breath against his skin, her body pressed against him. At least with her head in this position she can't see how much he's blushing.
Rei is unexpectedly uncertain. She has two minutes before they have to resume traveling to school. Pilot Ikari feels different without his plug suit. Without the interface and support systems she can feel the muscles of his back under her hands. They are tense. She does not know if this is normal. Her own are not. He feels warm. Her temperature was elevated on the first occasion. Perhaps it is simply relative. Two data points are insufficient. Ikari had appeared reluctant. He was holding her as if she were still injured. She was not. He had held her more firmly before. Perhaps only because she had fallen. If he was agreeable she would have to repeat the experience to gather more data.
"You and Ayanami Shin-man? I definitely didn't see that one coming."
Shinji looks over at Toji confused, "Huh?"
Kensuke laughs, "You made her lunch every day for the last week and today you arrived at school together. Toji here thinks you've got the hots for her. As if he'd notice."
"The hell is that supposed to mean?"
Shinji glances over at Ayanami, who's staring out of the window and ignoring the world, including himself. After the debriefing, she had brushed him off as if he didn't even matter. Which was true, except then she'd asked for what had definitely turned into a hug this morning. She had been just as soft as he remembered. It had been mortifying, and confusing, and he would definitely do it again if she ever asked. Then she'd gone right back to ignoring him again, as she did everyone else, as soon as they arrived.
Anyway, he really didn't think of her like that, even if she had shown up naked in his dreams to torment him with guilt. At least that was better than the one where she showed up as just a charred husk, her plugsuit and skin burned away by the Angel's attack because he'd screwed up and missed a second time.
He shakes his head, "I don't think of Ayanami like that, we're not even friends." He sighs, "I screwed up as usual and offended her, so I was trying to apologize but I messed that up too. I don't even know her well enough to know she didn't eat meat."
Kensuke sighs at his clueless friend, "Toji, my friend, why do you think you've been getting extras? Shinji got rejected and all you could think about was your stomach."
"I.." started Shinji before giving up. If he denied anything, there then would be a debate about exactly what he was denying. Then the only way to get out of that would be to mention something about Evas and if he did that Kensuke wouldn't stop until Horaki yelled at him. The Class Representative's ire was not something to be invoked just so he could avoid talking about Ayanami. Better to avoid saying anything at all.
Fortunately, before he can somehow manage to make things worse, the Class Rep unintentionally comes to his rescue.
"Rise. Bow. Sit."