Hello everyone, I hope you folks enjoy this thing I cooked up in the hours between midnight and six in the morning.

Everybody lives! AU, no Uchiha Massacre! AU, Obito's a real good guy now! AU, Madara's dead cold in the ground! AU, please don't mind the inconsistencies in my plot, because Kishimoto certainly didn't care for his own inconsistencies! AU, let's focus on fluff and smut! AU

Some warnings: this is M/M romantic pairing, there's explicit smut, and we have Kakashi with a lot of sexual experience and Obito with zero sex experience (Kakashi is not topping from the bottom, is more like his gently guiding an overenthusiastic Obito through the ins and outs of sex) and everything that happens is perfectly consensual. If any of these is not your thing, consider exiting this fic, thanks!

I don't own Naruto's characters and I'm not getting any money from this, only personal satisfaction and sleepless nights.

Obito wouldn't even be having insane debates in his own fucked-up-traumatized-enough-already brain if it wasn't for Kakashi. Yeah, he was the root of all evil. The bane of his existence. His personal nemesis. His... yeah, yeah, his roommate too, it was beside the point. It all returns to Kakashi and his inability to fucking keep it in his pants. Was it even that difficult to not fuck? Obito seemed to be doing a damn good job of not fucking anyone, at 25 and still going strong on the whole virgin thing. He used to feel like a looser most of the time because of his status, but lately he's been feeling like maybe this has given him the ability to unlock secret levels of brain capacity which Kakashi seemed to lack, like, I don't know, common sense? For starters?

This whole debacle was due to some very specific and weird situations.

Weird Situation 01: in which Obito finds out Kakashi has sex

Ibike decided he hated Obito the moment he set foot back on Konoha, and still didn't let it go, even years later. Obito has had a rough couple of years. He'd go as far as saying he had some rough 10 years, with living with Madara and that weirdo Zetsu, then coming back to a village that didn't want him and put him in jail. He didn't have a claim over all suffering in the universe, but he's gone through some shit. Thank fuck whoever is upstairs shone a light in this hellhole he called life and he managed to escape Madara's clutches after 6 or 7 years of planning world domination.

He didn't even know he was binded to Madara's will until, by struck of (un)luck, his heart was completely pierced through and obliterated while fighting Orochimaru, and that undid what he later found out from Guruguru was Madara's Forbidden Individual Curse Tag. This special sealing was put inside his heart after Madara rescued him, and it made Obito obey his orders. He just thought he had a weak heart and would die young, but the pain in his chest was just that mother fucker Madara haunting him after death. Regular old creep stuff. Whatever. Suddenly Obito could breathe, he wasn't seeing red all the time, Rin's death didn't hurt as much nor did Kakashi's betrayal, guilt from killing his sensei and Kushina-nee overwhelmed him, as well as for the rest of his actions. Whatever the fuck the asshole put inside his heart, had been tempering with his emotions as well as his actions. He said 'fuck it' and at twenty, after years of criminal activity and being dead to the world, he decided it was time to go back to the world of the living.

Not everybody in Konoha was thrilled to see him. Actually, after recounting the events of the previous seven years of his life to the jonin commander, the folks in the Intelligence department, and the Third Hokage, absolutely zero fucking souls in Konoha was thrilled to see him. Except Kakashi. Kakashi had a happy puppy face since the moment he saw Obito alive and well, and that never changed. Go figure. As expected, Obito stayed locked up in Konoha's depressing underground prison for a couple of years, only getting out to help with several intelligence missions when needed. He helped the village to squash Zetsu and whatever was left of Madara's plans, he helped in diplomatic relations with Kiri after the little stunt he pulled on the Mizukage, he blew out half of Orochimaru's bases, talked Konan and Nagato out of their plans and Akatsuki became good again, the missing nins that scattered away after that were defeated… well, bottom line was, Obito paid for the shit he'd done and they let him out.

When he stepped out of his prison, seeing his own wrists for the first time in two years after they took off his chakra inhibitors, he didn't have anything to his name, except a promised position in Intelligence and Kakashi's proposal of becoming roommates until he could get back on his feet. Three years have gone by and he's walking around on his own two feet just fine, but he's still roommates with Kakashi and working for Ibike, because, yeah whatever, too much work to change things at this point. Even if Ibike hated his guts, and even if living with Kakashi was taxing on his mental health and patience.

Kakashi has always been a crappy roommate. Messy, never did his chores, always trying to get out of the way to pay his share, lazy, Obito could go on, the list was gigantic, and that was even before Weird Situation Number 01 took place. This all took a turn for the worse when Ibike showed him mercy for the first time in their lives and let him out of work thirty minutes earlier than usual. Obito was out of the building in less than a second, not wanting to risk Ibike changing his mind.

He got back to their apartment and no one was there, so he was pretty sure Kakashi was still out somewhere, reading Icha-Icha and being insufferable, you know, regular Kakashi's Wednesday. He decided to take a shower, but of fucking course Bakashi had stolen his shampoo, and despite being an Uchiha, Obito didn't have that magical gene for perfect straight unmessable hair, he couldn't wash it with just soap, or he'd become a walking mop. He went to Kakashi's bedroom to rescue his shampoo bottle when he found his roommate in a compromising position.

"Holy fucking fuck goddamn hell shit fuck- Put a fucking sock on the fucking knob next time! Bakashi!"

Obito opened the door to see Kakashi in all fours on his bed, facing the door, of course, because Obito was just that lucky, Genma behind him, holding him by the hips and fucking him. At the unending string of curses that Obito released on them, they stopped what they were doing and scrambled around trying to cover themselves with the sheets.

"Obito! What are you doing here?!"

"What I'm doing- I fucking live here Kakashi, it's been three fucking years fucking hell." Obito threw his hands in the air in desperation. The guts this guy had!

"Yo, Obito."

"Hey Genma." Genma calmly greeted Obito and he waved back at him. What a great guy he was, of all the people Kakashi could be fucking, one of the best choices. He returned to cursing and yelling at his crappy roommate. "What the fucking hell is wrong with you goddamn mother fucker asshole." He started slapping Kakashi who was just laughing back at him still naked, since the first thing the fucking bastard put back on was his mask. Genma at least had the decency to put his pants on while Obito was having a nervous breakdown and beating Kakashi.

Kakashi smiled at Obito losing his mind, just holding his hands up trying to defend himself against the onslaught of half assed punches. "Ma, gomen, gomen. You see, this seal-"

"Fucking asshole I don't fucking care about no fucking seal! I'll fucking seal your fucking ass mother fucker."

"I guess I'll just…" Genma was already fully dressed again, holding his sandals in his hand and pointing at the window.

"Yeah, sure Genma, go on."

"See ya later Genma." Kakashi and Obito waved him goodbye as he disappeared in a second. "Goddamn asshole! I'll fucking skin you fucking alive."

"Obito, is there any reason for you to still be here? In my bedroom?" Kakashi was still smiling the same way when Obito remembered why he was here in the first place. He stopped slapping Kakashi and moved to his bathroom, going through the bottles on his shower and picking up what he needed.

"Yeah, I came to get my shampoo. Can't believe you bastard, you stole my shampoo, your fucking stupid perfectly messy hair doesn't even need it, wash it with whatever shitty soap you have, shithead."

"Thanks for the shampoo Obito!" Kakashi thanked in that annoyingly cheerful voice, that same idiotic smile in his face and Obito wanted to punch the lights out of him, but at least he was wearing underwear now.

"Oh yeah? Shampoo your ass until you're vomiting bubbles, dickhead." Obito flipped him off over his shoulder while he returned to his bedroom and own bathroom to take his long-awaited shower.

Now, most people would say that's a pretty normal, even if unfortunate, situation, catching your roommate fucking. Most people would even find Obito's outrage justified, even if he did swat, slapped and cursed Kakashi a lot. Those who knew Obito and Kakashi, knew that that's just the way they were, it was their own dynamic, unstoppable hotheaded force Obito meets immovable cool object Kakashi and they clash. This awkward situation went as normal as one could expect of them, since they were two very abnormal people with the power to destroy buildings on their own, at least everything was still in one piece. Despite some unholy images burned to Obito's eyes, and Kakashi not getting to finish his session with Genma, no harm done, and the shampoo bottle was again secured inside his own bathroom.

However. If one were to pay a closer look at Obito, they would notice just how really shaken he was by the whole thing. He was resting his back against the closed door, face flushed, heart racing, there was heat pooling at his stomach, he felt dizzy, his hands were shaking in search of something to grab to, his mind was blank, empty of everything except Kakashi.

He'd seen Kakashi kind of naked before. In missions, around the house, in training, but it was nothing sexual. Obito looked at him as someone could appreciate a picture or a painting, Kakashi was handsome, beautiful even, perfect human physic or whatever. Obito stared in dismay wondering why he couldn't be like that either, wondering if there was anybody else in the world that could compete with that. Only to be admired, but unattainable.

But now... now he'd seen Kakashi's perfect body being used for… sexual gratification. Fucking. He knew the other's white, milky, smooth skin, perfect in every centimeter Obito's ever laid eyes upon, except for the scar on his eye. But know, under Genma's rough fucking, there was a thin layer of shiny sweat over it, an Obito was getting strange impulses and desires, like wanting to lick the sweat off his skin, wondering how he tasted under his tongue. He knew Kakashi's muscles, they'd train together whenever they could, he knew how he trained his body, focusing on elegant, deadly efficiency to perform his shinobi duties. But now Obito wondered how it would feel to bite down harshly on these muscles, to circle that thin waist, drag his palm against the plane of Kakashi's abdomen, cup the back of his thighs and squeeze his ass.

His face. Fuck, his face. He was more than familiar with Kakashi's eyes, even seen him sometimes without a mask, maybe just a couple of seconds before he covered himself again. He knew all his annoying knowing smiles and laid-back expressions, even when the mask was covering them. But now, he knew Kakashi's face when twisting in pleasure. Gods, he looked so fucking beautiful. Obito felt his heart clutching in itself, it fucking hurt. He doubled on himself trying to calm his ragged breathing. And Genma just... just using Kakashi's body like that. Obito felt his stomach drop and his cock twitch at the images.

He was no stranger to what he was feeling right now. He was hot and bothered and horny and he wanted release. He was never one to have high libido, so not many things in his life got him like this, to be more precise, nothing's ever got him like this from visual stimulation alone. Well, there was that one time when a waitress rubbed herself on him flirting and he got like a bit horny, so this was the second time in his life he felt like this. And fuck this was so much worse than that waitress he doesn't even remember her face, this felt like he was burning, like he couldn't take it anymore, like his body was out of his control and he hated and loved it at the same time.

He'd jerked off before, sometimes he'd get pent up and whatever, why not? He wasn't doing anything, just jerk off. He didn't need any materials like he knew people usually used (Bakashi had his dreadful Icha-Icha for example), he didn't need to imagine anything, he'd just start the movements and chase the feeling and yeah, whatever, it felt good but, it never felt like something sexual to him. He never got the urge or something that often anyway, it was just mechanical movements.

But now… fuck. He moved his hand down to grab his hardening dick and a whole fucking wave of shock and shivers cruised through him. Like nothing he ever felt before. Even just feeling it up through his clothes was already more amazing than any sorry excuse of orgasm he's ever felt before in his life. His hand was moving despite himself, he didn't know what to do, but he wanted this, needed this, fuck. He pictured in his head again the face Kakashi was making while getting fucked and his legs got wobbly. He let himself slid down the door fumbling with his own pants to open them up and release his hard cock.

There was some liquid coming out of it, it wasn't cum, because it was kind of transparent and watery, fuck it, he didn't care, it made it even better when his hand started pumping his dick up and down, and his whole body fucking trembled. He squeezed it, wanting the incredible feeling of floating in air to last, but irritated that the climax was not arriving fast enough. He thought of Kakashi again, beautiful, gorgeous, being fucked in the ass, that perfectly sculpted body trembling and shivering too, half lidded eyes, scrunched eyebrow, teeth biting down hard on his lower lip, fuck, and Genma could go fuck himself, Obito wanted this, he wanted to be the one fucking Kakashi, he had no idea what the feeling of putting his cock inside that ass would be like, but fuck, just thinking about making Kakashi like that, fuck, so beautiful and breaking his cool façade and fuck, enjoying himself like that and fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-

Obito came in his hand. Like, really came. Whatever it was he was doing those other times before when he was jerking off that he had called coming, he was wrong. This was coming. His vision was blurred, his body wasn't his anymore. That trembling and shivering he felt earlier, that was just the beginning as his muscles convulsed and flexed on themselves. The relief that hit him in the beginning of his orgasm was like nothing he ever felt before, but he couldn't stop his hand from continuing the motion as thick strings of cum started shooting out of his dick. And it didn't stop, it went on for a few more seconds, cum shooting out on his hand as his body finally untensed enough for him to start relaxing and slowing down, and cum stopped shooting up and just spilled calmly out of him, staining his clothes, hitting the cold bathroom floor.

He felt like he'd just went through a complete hour sparring with Kakashi. He was tired, panting, relaxed, he had no way of flexing his muscles to his own accord anymore and honestly, he wanted to sleep.

Uh.

So this is what jerking off actually feels like. Damn. Obito had been missing big time.

For the first time in his life he wondered what the real thing would be like. He knew of sex. Like, people did it for reproduction, but mostly pleasure, and everybody said it felt amazing, out of this world experience, and Obito had just sort of wondered about the sensations, and the mechanics of it. Now, he knew this was different. He wasn't just wondering. He was imagining, fantasizing, desiring, craving the real thing, Kakashi.

Fuck.

Then it hit him.

He just jerked off to his best friend and roommate.

Crap.

Oh, so this is what people called post nut clarity? Obito thought it was just some sort of advanced state of mind where people would feel more capable of thinking, but in reality it was just that everything you were pushing out of your head while focusing on coming came flooding back to you in the most mortifying and humiliating way possible.

Uh.

He learned something new today, it seems.