A/N: This fic will contain some mild 2000s-era biphobia and discussions of sexuality

"I'm pregnant." Haley's eyes crinkled. "And I think it's going to be a girl."

Nathan laughed a little in disbelief, and she giggled, cupping his face and bringing her lips to his. "I'm glad you're happy about it," she beamed, and he faked a smile because he didn't want to ruin anything.

The news was wonderful, especially since, unlike the first time she told him this, they weren't high school seniors struggling to make ends meet. More than that, it was so good to see her smile after watching the grief of her mother's death eat her up. She was so beautiful when she was happy. But he hated that he couldn't appreciate it as much as he wanted to. He hated that this was bringing up his guilt about what had happened on the road in those fourteen months when he'd met Clay. It wasn't that it didn't bother him. It did. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Haley. He did, out of respect for their marriage and because he was an honest man. He was not his father. He would not allow lies to build up in their relationship. They were better than this. However, the right time to tell her the truth had never come up or perhaps he had just continued finding excuses. They were so good. They were so happy. Jamie had been through enough. He didn't need this. He needed a constant in his life. He needed his parents to be loving and stable, everything that his own parents hadn't been. So, the secret had sat in his heart, making him spend countless sleepless nights wondering what the ramifications would be. He already knew they would be worse than they would have been if he had told Haley off the bat. He couldn't lose her. God, they'd nearly lost each other so many times. He couldn't lose her, not over this.

So, once she was asleep, he quietly got out of bed, grabbed his cell, and walked outside to the pool. He stopped once to check on Jamie, who was fast asleep. God, what was this going to do to him? Would Haley want to tell him? Or would she bury it under the rug and never speak of it again? They'd never brought up Chris Keller and Haley's decision to go on tour without telling him. That was something of the past. She had been young with her head in the clouds. She had taken a chance, and ultimately, it had brought her a lot of joy, even if the abruptness and lack of communication had hurt their relationship. But he couldn't justify this with his age or being at a turning point in his life. No, he was an adult, and he knew what he had done. More than that, he didn't regret it. That was the problem. It had felt good, and it had felt right. Even if Haley had been at the back of his mind through every second of it, that didn't mean that what had happened with Clay had been some bizarre way of displacing his needs. He might have been in denial initially, but now there was no doubt in his mind that sleeping with Clay was something he had wanted. He also couldn't deny it had been more than sex. He loved Clay. He loved Haley, too. The flame hadn't gone out between them. He loved them both equally but in different ways. He didn't know whether he'd have a relationship with either of them afterwards if he confessed their tryst to Haley. And the thought of that terrified him.

But enough was enough. He needed to stop being a coward and start being honest.

"We need to talk," Nathan said, deciding not to opt for a greeting.

Clay sounded like he was half-asleep. "About what?"

Nathan looked around skittishly, paranoid that Haley or Jamie might be right behind him. They weren't. He was alone.

"You know what," he said quietly.

There was a pause.

"You said we were never going to talk about it again."

It hurt Nathan a little to hear the offence in Clay's voice. He wanted to believe his anger was just masking his fear of being outed. The way Clay had smiled that night… he had to believe it had all been real. No, he knew it had all been real.

"Yeah, well, Haley just told me she's pregnant. I can't keep- I'm not going to lie to her."

Clay let out a long sigh.

"Look, I- I'm not asking you for permission to tell my wife about our affair," Nathan stated, knowing that Clay would just talk him into staying silent. It wasn't that Clay wanted to hide it from Haley or that he resented her or was jealous. Clay loved Haley and Jamie like they were his own family. In a way, this was Clay trying to protect him, like always. Clay was so loyal to him. He'd put anything on the line for his career, his privacy, and the people he cared about. Nathan was sure Clay believed, and rightfully so, that telling Haley would shatter her and their marriage. But Nathan wanted to believe that they would work through this. They always did. He didn't want guilt to sit in his heart forever. He didn't want to let it get in the way of living his life. "I'm calling you to tell her that I want her to know about it, and she will."

"Didn't… didn't she kiss Chris Keller in the first year of your marriage?"

Nathan had only mentioned that once. He was long past the point of being broody about it, although he still had a strong urge to punch Chris whenever he saw his face. That wasn't going away anytime soon.

"I guess… I guess she can't take it too hard." He knew Clay was just speculating to try to calm his own nerves. He was aware that Haley would probably want to have a long, hard talk with Clay as much as she would with him. He wished he could somehow leave Clay out of this, but that wasn't how it worked. If Peyton were here, he was sure she'd call him a martyr like she did all those years ago. "She has to understand." Clay probably didn't even convince himself with that statement.

"But Haley didn't love Chris, Clay," Nathan blurted, a lump forming in his throat. It made him painfully aware of how much he had kept inside. "We can call it a one-off. We can blame it on the beer. Or we can call it what it is: an affair. Because... God, Clay, you're on my mind more than you should be, and I like that. I like thinking about you. I… I love you. I love my wife and my son, but I love you, too."

Silence followed, and, if Nathan wasn't mistaken, Clay let out a choked sob, like he was trying hard not to cry. God, Quinn was probably with him. What was he doing? He was an idiot. He was so focused on his marriage and his life that he hadn't realised that if he told Haley, she would inevitably tell Quinn, regardless of whether he asked her not to. They were sisters. That bond was stronger than anything else. He could understand. If it was the other way around, he didn't think he could keep something like this from Lucas. Clay and Quinn would have to work through this like he and Haley would. Sure, Clay might have a little less at stake, but it would hurt for him nonetheless. He was already a widower. This was why he had kept it in for so long. Every other time he had thought about telling Haley, he had acknowledged how unfair it was to make Clay be upfront about this, too. The night they had slept together, Clay had admitted that it wasn't his first time with a man. That was something personal and didn't deserve to become collateral. There were so many unknowns here, so many people who were entangled in this mess, so many people with hearts and souls who were going to be hurt.

So many people who deserve to know the truth.

"I love you, too. You know that I do," Clay uttered quietly. "But, Nathan you have your whole life ahead of you. You don't have to do this."

"I need to be honest with my wife, Clay," Nathan concluded. "I'm sorry. I know this is going to affect you and believe me, if I could just make this about me, I would. I don't want you to have to deal with the fallout. But I know that I can't keep this from Haley any longer."

"I know," he said with understanding, sniffling. "I know you do. So I guess all I can say is good luck and that I hope she takes it well."

"Thank you," Nathan whispered before saying goodbye and hanging up. Somehow, it felt very foreboding.

Nathan got back into bed, his arm snaking around Haley's waist. She shuffled so her back was resting against his chest. He took a big inhale, staring at the clock radio on her side of the bed. The alarm was set to go off in about four hours. He underestimated how much time he had spent pacing around the pool before actually calling Clay and then pacing around after, replaying those words in his mind again.

I love you, too.

He could hear it in Clay's voice. He could hear it in Haley's voice, too. God, how could he be so lucky to have two people who cared about him so much and yet feel entirely undeserving of either of them?