Chapter 1

Namine was tired. Tired of faking smiles. Tired of empty words and feigning interest in the same bland conversations she participated in every day. It wasn't fulfilling in the slightest, but the only alternative was lonelinees, she told herself. Which would be a comfort if she wasn't always lonely anyway. Maybe part of her just craved some sort of social interaction, even if it was meaningless. It certainly couldn't be that she liked to hear her own voice; Namine hated the sound of her voice. It always felt like a foreign object in her mouth. No matter how she tried, she always sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Which wasn't exactly inaccurate, but it was still annoying. People treated her like she was too delicate to not be handled with care anyway since she was petite and timid even at the best of times, but as soon as they heard her voice it was like her fragility doubled and if they did anything too roughly she would shatter. Honestly, that bothered Namine more than she cared to admit. She felt that she was actually quite strong, all things considered. Benefits of always being alone, she guessed.

"Hello? Namine? Are you listening?" A voice cut through her thoughts.

"Yes, of course!" She lied.

"Is that so…? because it sure seems like you aren't even interested in what I was saying." The girl sitting next to Namine frowned.

"I'm sorry!" Another lie. "I just have a lot on my mind, please, continue. You have my undivided attention." A third for good measure.

The brunette gave Namine a look before continuing to speak again.

"I'm starting to think you actually don't like me." The girl added with a slight pout.

"Olette, no, It's definitely not that…" The truth. Namine actually quite liked the brunette next to her. if she was being honest with herself. She just…struggled to let anyone in. For what it's worth Namine sighed a lot less in Olette's presence than most others but she had a feeling telling her that wouldn't land the way she wanted.

"I was just lost in my own head. I'm sorry,"

"Well tell me about it." Olette shifted to face Namine more and it caused Namine to hesitate for a moment. She always found it distressing being the sole focus of anyone's attention. For a second Namine contemplated what she wanted to say. She wondered if she should actually try to let Olette in for once. It wasn't as if the taller girl had ever done anything wrong by her. She'd been a good friend for the two semesters they knew one another. Namine just never felt safe opening up to her. Not becaused of anything she did or didn't do of course. Namine simply closed her self off after…

"I was thinking about someone. Someone I used to be closed to is all. I guess you said something that reminded me of her. Don't worry, I'm alright."

"Who is it?" Olette inquired, her eyebrows raising at Namine's admission."If you don't mind me asking?"

Namine faltered. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk about her. Not just to Olette, but to anyone. 'Kairi' was a name she hadn't spoken in a long time and Namine felt her throat tighten from just the thought of her.

"Uhm… It was just…someone from my old friend group…back in my hometown. We…" Namine trailed off. She had considered stopping there but the look on Olette's face spurred her on. She seemed a bit let down when Namine paused. Namine wasn't sure if it was just curiosity or a genuine interest in learning about her but either way, despite her inner voice warning against it, Namine continued. "...Had a falling out. I said somethings I regret to one of our friends and, it didn't go over well." Olette waited for Namine to continue for a moment before realizing that the blonde girl wasn't going say anything more.

"Hmm… Well. Knowing you I'm sure it wasn't undeserved. You're a pretty kind person, at least, that's the impression that I get. If you said it, you probably had a good reason." Oiette spoke, gently patting Namine's hand. The sudden contact made Namine jump slightly. She wasn't sure how to respond. Mostly because she wasn't sure she could believe what Olette had said.

'Kind. That was a pretty funny word to use to describe me' Namine thought mirthlessly. Namine certainly didn't consider herself kind. 'Bitch. A much more accurate word."

"Thanks…" Namine muttered after a bit. "Why don't we get out of here? The lecture's been over for a while after all…" She finished, hoping to change the subject.

"Sure. Professor Diz might start charging us rent if we stay much longer." Olette laughed."You have any plans for the weekend?" She asked, standing up from her seat with a stretch.

"I was planning to catch up on some painting. Exams have been taking up all my time." Namine sighed. She hadn't expected college to be as easy as her time in high-school, but this was a fair bit more taxing than she was ready for. Especially as an art major. Namine thought exam season would be less writing and more application, or at least she had hoped that was the case.

"You know, we're already half way through our college years, Are you really content to spend it all in your dorm?" Olette asked, grabbing her bag. Namine stood herself, gathering her sketchbook and notebook from the table and placing them in her satchel. The question had taken her a bit by surprise. Olette didn't strike her as the party or sorority life type.

"As opposed to?" Namine answered, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, there's plenty of clubs and programs here. You could join a drawing group or something, I just rarely see you outside of classes. I'm worried you'll graduate and I'll be the only record of your existence. Do you have any other friends that aren't me?"

Namine bristled. Olette hadn't said anything particularly hurtful but the statement stung nonetheless. Probably because of how accurate it was. Besides Olette Namine never spent any time with anyone outside of class, and even then it was usually just to grab an early dinner with her.

"I'm not really the social type, is all." Namine responded, following the brunette girl out of the lecture hall.

"I am quite aware." Olette chuckled. "Well if you change your mind, I'm throwing a party at my dorm on Saturday at 7." Namine's eyes widened, she was usually pretty good at reading people, Olette being a partier hadn't crossed her mind. "Well, honestly, it's more of a get together with some friends from Twilight Town back home. Just celebrating the end of exams with some pizza and a movie or two. Nothing big." That made more sense.

"Uhm…I'll think about it… Thanks." Namine offered a small smile, hoping that Olette would leave it at that. Thankfully she did, and the brunette smiled back.

"Sure! I'll see you around." Olette called over her shoulder before running over to a pair of boys from a different class, excitedly chatting away about finally being done with exam season. Namine watched as the trio left the building and let out a sigh. It wasn't like she couldn't have followed. Olette was nice, and she spoke of Hayner and Pence all the time. They seemed friendly enough. But Namine didn't want friendly. At least not right now. Namine wanted quiet. Namine wanted to be alone.

So to her dorm she went.

Inside her dorm room Namine flopped on to her bed. She hadn't really intended to do any painting. It was just an excuse to avoid commiting to any plans. Being alone was just better for someone like her she thought. Namine grabbed her favorite sketching pencil after a couple of minutes of staring at her dorm cieling feeling guilty. With a frustrated groan she grabbed one of her larger sketchpads. Namine wasn't painting just so that what she told Olette wasn't a lie. She of course just felt like painting. At least that was the lie she convinced herself to believe. She was grateful that she didn't have a roommate, they'd probably think she was a complete freak. 'Although they wouldn't exactly be wrong.' Whatever. She never claimed to be normal so what would be the point of being embarrased about it? Namine spent hour after hour creating painting after painting. Or at least she tried to, but something kept creeping in to her mind. 'Kairi'. With every stroke she made the bright redhead forced her way in to her thoughts. An empty field of sunflowers became a backdrop for Kairi. A wide open beach landscape became her playground. Namine paused. Why couldn't she get her out of her head? She hadn't thought about Kairi in a while. She guessed bringing her up to Olette was the wrong decision after all. Namine snatched the page out of her sketchbook, balling it up and chucking in to the corner of the room. Kairi would probably laugh at her if she saw her like this. Still completely caught up on someone who almost certainly hated her guts. Maybe she deserved that... Namine didn't really want to think about it any more though. Namine grabbed her phone from the desk, checking the time. 4AM. Namine wasn't surprised by how long she'd spent drawing. She had a habit of forgetting to eat or sleep when it came to her art. Even when she wasn't enjoying it as much as usual she still would get so engrossed in it that nothing else really mattered until she was done. Namine frowned, mostly at herself. Maybe that was a habit that she should try to break. That was a challenge for future Namine though. Current Namine was in need of a shower. With a lazy stretch, she wandered in to the bathroom, kicking the door closed behind her.

After a long steamy shower, Namine exited the bathroom, the tension she felt earlier having melted away. She towel-dried her long blonde hair and glanced at her phones notifications. Or rather lack thereof. Namine's virtual social life was even more barren than her actual social life. Namine would find that sad but it was probably for the best. Her social media would probably just be full of people calling her out for being such a bitch, and they'd be right to. 'Best to just avoid that.' She thought, plugging the phone in and plopping on to her bed. She felt her stomach growl but she didn't really have much of an appetite so she ignored it, flipping the light switch off and closing her eyes to drift off to sleep. Or at least she tried. No matter how she tried to empty her mind though, Kairi wouldn't leave her thoughts. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't she just erase her from her memory? 'Kairi doesn't miss me so why should I miss her?' She thought to herself. 'I bet she doesn't lose a single bit of sleep over me.'

Namine blinked groggily at the time on her phone. 5:55. She stretched and glanced at the window, the setting suns rays beaming through, an orange glow cascading over discarded paper scraps and unorganized art supplies. Honestly her dorm was more of an art studio with a bed than a regular living space. Which suited her perfectly. Living, after all, wasn't a very enticing activity. Namine could do with less of that and just paint, but her growling stomach reminded her that that was impossible. Out of the corner of her eye Namine noticed a notification pop up on her phone. A message. 'How did thinking about it go? Would love to see you at the party.' Olette. She sighed, debating for a moment. She really didn't feel like going, but… Kairi's face flashed through her mind again. It probably beats being haunted by the ghost of someone who isn't even dead all night. Glancing at the time she realized there was baretly enough time to get ready.

"Ugh, fine," She muttered to herself, kicking off the covers. In a blur she rushed to pick out an outfit, hastily applying makeup. It wasn't anything particularly special, just a loose fitting white minidress and a faded black leather jacket. Last minute decision or not, she figured she might as well make at least a bit of an effort. For Olette, of course.