Kuro: Thank you, thank you!

"Ok," I muttered from the corner of my mouth, my frame tense as he sat up. I didn't like it when my friends and family decided they needed to talk to me. Or explain something in this case. Especially when it starts with something like 'We need to talk.' That was never ever a good thing.

But even though I felt the usual anxiety bubbling in the back of my head, I was also curious, because my usually assured friend seemed to be at a loss for words - struggling with what seemed to be finding a place to start.

If it was giving him this much trouble, then it had to be either something stupidly complicated or just incredibly hard to get out. Meaning it was something bad. It's always something bad.

I was hoping that he'd just let whatever he wanted to talk about go - which, yes, was a foolish thing to hope for, but I could dream. So testing out my still relatively new vampiric patients, I just sat there.

Unfortunately, he seemed to figure it out just as I was about to close my eyes and relax. "Things kinda changed." He muttered, again sounding as if he was talking to himself - as though he were trying to convince himself of something. "They definitely changed." He said, looking at me hard. I decided that the best thing to do was just sit there.

"Ok," He said, letting out a breath. "I made a promise, but… it doesn't matter."

"What promise?" I asked simply, and I wished I hadn't immediately.

"Edythe," He said, just about to get to explaining. But I didn't let him. I jumped off the couch, and held my hands up, trying to send him a big reassuring smile. My usually cool skin felt like it was on fire.

I don't know if it was just because this was the first time I'd heard her name spoken out loud in a really long time, or if it was because it was Archie saying it. But it made the fire and the black hole in my chest ache in a new flavor of pain. "Hey, you know what. I really don't wanna hear this." I said, starting to walk backward, towards the doorway.

"I haven't even said anything yet," He said, getting up fast, but not following me. Archie was looking at me like I was a wild animal, one that would run at the slightest hint of danger."Beau, you need to know this."

"Whatever it is, I don't," I said, shaking my head. "I already know everything that needs…" I slowly trailed off. I blinked. Just out of habit, I didn't even mean to. And standing there, blocking my view of Archie, was my angel.

"Beau," She whispered, giving me a pleading look. My body shook violently. "Listen to him."

She'd never seemed more real. It was like my memory of her was frozen and solid right here in front of me.

"Beau?" Archie called out. My eyes flicked up to him for half a second, before they were back on my angels. Her usual beautiful golden eyes trapped me where I stood, as I ignored Archie's increasingly concerned look.

"Please," She breathed, walking up to me and putting her hand on my arm. My jaw clenched, and I tried really hard to not turn around and run out the door. It felt like I was being torn in two.

Half of me wanted to stay and give in to what she wanted - I never could say no to her. Not unless there was a very very good reason too. The other half of me wanted to bolt and get away from this as fast as possible.

I looked back at Archie. I knew if I let him talk about whatever it was, then it was going to hurt, really, really badly. And for no reason at all on top of that. I already knew everything when it came to my angel.

"Not everything you beautiful fool." She whispered, giving me a sad smile. "Please, he's trying to help you. Sit down… for me."

I wanted to ask her how she knew that, but Archie was still watching. With a light laugh, my angel tapped the side of her head wordlessly. Then her fingers wrapped around my wrist and dragged me back.

I gave a sigh, and looking like I was about to throw up I was sure, I said. "Fine."

I sat down without a sound and crossed my arms. My angel sat on my other side, her arms wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my shoulder, comforting me.

Honestly, I knew I was being a little bit irrational. The only thing he said was my angel's name… but I didn't care. I don't think I could ever hear her name out loud again, not unless whoever said it wanted me to turn tail and run.

"Okay, what are we talking about?" I reluctantly muttered, leaning back into the cushions, bracing for impact. Archie looked down at me with worry flooding his eyes. Slowly, he sat back down in his seat.

"This…" He said without finishing. "Beau…" He said trailing off again. I had to resist growling at him.

My angel laughed quietly, snuggling into the crook of my neck. "Now you know how I felt." She whispered, kissing my throat.

I tried my best not to react to her. "Archie, just spit it out," I said with a frustrated huff. Archie was sitting straight up, and gesturing with his hands as if he were talking, but he was still struggling.

Apparently, my little freak out over hearing her name made him lose his starting point.

"Um… she." He finally settled on something, carefully watching for my reaction. I cringed a little. "She doesn't know that you're a vampire now Beau."

"So?" I asked with a little bitterness. I knew it was impossible for her to not find out eventually. Archie will have to go home soon, and Edythe will see inside his head what happened. It hurt knowing that she'd really lose any interest in me… to know that I was nothing but a boring stranger to her. That I was worthless now that I wasn't human.

I didn't bother with making him keep it a secret. I just let him continue on. He was choosing his words with extreme care "Beau, this changes things. Like a lot of things. She doesn't know what happened to you… she'll want to come back."

I sat stone still.

"Why?" I ground out. If the thought of her finding out through Archie hurt, then this must be hell, because to see her again, only for her to properly reject me - in reality… again, to say that I was… less than I was before. That would crush me and there wouldn't be a single thing I could do to prevent it. No amount of mental prep would help, no safeguarding of any kind.

I would turn back into the husk I was as a human when she first left. Probably even worse.

"She cares about you, Beau." He said softly.

I glared hard. She might. She was always way too noble for her own good, so she might care in the sense of me being turned - of having my life stolen… but she doesn't care about me. I glared even harder.

I knew this would be a pointless, hurtful conversation.

"No. She doesn't" I whispered, looking away from him. My angel held me tighter. "Archie… I don't want her to see me like this. I know - I get that she'll wanna make sure she didn't cause this somehow… but I don't want…" My voice broke as I trailed off.

"Beau. She loves you." He said simply, reaching over and putting a hand on my shoulder, trying to ground me for the truth he thought he was real. "I know that's hard to believe, but she really does."

I shoved his hand off of me, scowling. My throat felt tight. I knew it. I knew that this was a dumb thing to listen to. That it would just end up hurting more than explaining. "Knock it off," I growled, standing up, and walking to the door.

"Listen. She lied to you… I don't know exactly what she said, but she lied." Archie said. I heard him get up and follow me to the back door.

"Shut up Archie," I growled again, barely being able to resist slamming the door open.

"Beau-" He tried to say but I quickly turned around. I don't know if it was the look of what had to be earth-shattering sadness in my eyes or the angry stance I had, but it made him stop talking.

"The only one lying right now is you." I spit, shaking my head, and clenching my hands. Was it not enough that I was in hell every day? Was it not enough being tortured knowing that I would never have my angel back?

He was still as a statue, standing there watching me break down. I felt pathetic. I have never once allowed anyone to see what it truly felt like before. Not intentionally. And here I was showing exactly how much this hurt.

And I was taking it out on him. I was treating another friend like dirt, for something that they couldn't help. He didn't know.

My angel was gone. For whatever reason she could have had, other than what she said - that I was boring, a pet… nothing. Nothing to her.

And on top of that, the end result was the same. She was gone, off with her distractions, living the best life she could. With whoever and wherever she wanted. Without me.

Whatever it might have been, I trusted her. She wouldn't have left me like this and - and not tell me why. She wouldn't have lied. Not when she knew how much she meant to me, how I would move heaven and earth for her.

She was too noble to do that. And she was right.

Who was I? Nothing but a boring small-town loser with no friends and no hobbies. It was even worse now that I'd lost the qualities that she'd found even minorly interesting.

Of course, she couldn't love me.

I felt my whole body just let go, my shoulders slumped, and my head down. My voice was truly broken, in a way that I never thought I'd hear. "She… She doesn't…"

I closed my eyes for a moment. The depression crushed me - squeezing out any bit of life I might have left.

"I'm sorry." I choked out. I kept my eyes closed, but I stood up straight again. "I'm sorry Archie - I'm not mad at you… I just… I can't talk about this."

I turned and like a coward, I ran. Using every bit of my speed to fly through the trees. I could hear him behind me, trying to keep up, calling my name, but it didn't matter. Within moments, I'd lost him.

He didn't stand a chance - not while I was still a newborn. And as long as I didn't make any decisions, he wasn't going to figure out where I'd go.

And that sounded really nice right now. To not think. To not dwell on my own suffering. To just let the pain roll over me, and when I get home, I can go back to normal.

Hopefully, he'd still be there when I got back, I was worried that all of this would be too much trouble for him to care about. That he'd just leave and avoid the headache of my life. That another part of my angel's world would once again leave before I could say goodbye, that one of my family would just go.

But I didn't turn around, I couldn't listen to any more of his… I didn't want to say lies, that seemed too harsh. I couldn't listen to what he believed. Of what he was saying about my angel.

I ran all night. I ran away from the thought of having my angel reject me again. I ran so far and so fast that the blurring landscape around me eventually turned from supple green forests into snowy mountains.

Even then, I didn't stop, I just kept going, hoping that maybe this desolate and cold place could numb me. It wouldn't, I knew, but it was worth a try.

I ran over the mountains and through the woods until the snow eventually disappeared and turned back into lush green woods, and the sun started coming back up through the murky clouds. Only then did I start slowing down. Only when I knew that the thought of what he tried to bring up was only a burning sore and not a raging fire.

Eventually, my inhuman run turned into a normal one. And then into a jog. And slowly, until I was barely walking, did I actually come to a stop.

I stood there beneath the canopy of shadows, in the middle of the woods so far from the rest of civilization. My throat felt tight, and my breathing was more like choking.

I couldn't take this. The weight of the pain… It was too much this time. I crumpled. I was on my knees, sobbing without tears, and without release.

When I was human in those first few months, I was dead with no way to let anything out. I was a zombie who went day by day on the bare minimum function necessary to appease Charlie. Not once did I ever purposely let anything out.

I was catatonic as the doctors said, and I only ever let myself a moment to grieve when I was dreaming, reliving the nightmare of her leaving me. I would beg in those dreams, beg for her to stay - and I'd run after her, trying my hardest to catch up, but no matter what, I never could. She'd left me again, and again, and again. And that pain would leave me screaming and vomiting when I woke up.

I knew what I was getting into when I fell for her - not that I could have helped it, but I knew what would happen when I first told my angel that I was hers. I would just die, right then and there I would be nothing more than a corpse in the ground.

But of course, I made that stupid promise of not hurting myself when she left. I couldn't let the mercy of death take me.

Even with Charlie, Jules, and Renee, with all of them. I knew I would've done it eventually. Because this was… this was hell.

I learned the hard way of losing someone like this, losing your other half - the days after were just as bad as the first. All of them were as bad as when she first left because she was gone every day after.

Every day, of every hour, of every minute, I had to fight to get up and move, I had to keep pushing forward.

Because there was no other choice. I had to keep pushing through hell because my angel had asked me for just one more thing before she left. And I couldn't say no to her.

Now here I was, crying the best I could as a vampire, and for the first time, trying to just let it out, where no one could see me. Where no one would see me being weak, or in pain, or anything. I sobbed, and I cried, without tears and I held myself as I broke all over again.

"Please," I whispered to myself, shaking my head. "I - I cant… I can't keep…"

I shuttered, and let another sob tear through me.

I felt a cool hand on my cheek. Shakily, quickly, I opened my eyes and saw her.

There, kneeling in front of me, and looking at me with matching, crushing agony. "Oh Beau," She whispered, putting her other hand on my other cheek. She placed a small kiss on my head, and sighed, saying "What am I going to do with you?"

I couldn't speak. She didn't either for a minute.

"What's wrong Beau?" She finally whispered.

I trembled against her touch, and I shook my head again, not able to speak. Quickly, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed me back so she could sit in my lap. I put my arms around her waist, and she put her head in the crook of my neck.

"Y-you already know angel," I barely got out in my own choked whimpering whisper.

"I do. But you need to tell someone." She said, nuzzling into me. "You need to let it out, love." She whispered. I held her so tight that I thought for half a moment that I'd hurt her… but of course, she wasn't really here. So I suppose that makes her the perfect person to talk to.

I opened my mouth, and I tried, but it felt like trying to speak while underwater. The words wouldn't come out.

"Take your time," She said, kissing my neck. So I did, I didn't say anything for an hour. She held me as I cried, whispering that she loved me, and wouldn't leave me. Comforting me as she patiently let me get everything in my head together.

Until finally, I managed to get out the smallest of words. "Everything."

"What do you mean?" She asked softly. I kissed her cheek and held her tighter.

"Everything hurts angel… all the time. I try to hide it - it the best I can. But I can only do so - so much." I sobbed. The rays of sunlight pouring through the treetops finally managed to hit us, and my skin glowed, lighting with fire. "And I'm - I'm alone. So… so alone all the time. They… they'll all leave me. I'm… I'll spend an eternity…"

"You're not alone love." She whispered, stroking my back. "You have your dad. And Jules. And Archie, you have all of them." She reminded me.

"Charlie doesn't know what I am. Jules… Jules doesn't either. She's a wolf, and I'm a vampire… and she… I hurt her. Archie will leave." I whispered.

"That doesn't mean they don't love you, Beau. "

"I know… I know… but they don't know what this is like. Everything's just happened so - so fast. I… angel I died… and I came back and I don't know what to do, because none of them… I don't have anyone."

"You've been doing amazing Beau! A normal vampire would have killed everyone and anyone the moment they changed." She said, rubbing my back, and kissing my jaw. "You know what you're doing - mostly, and you do have friends. None of them want to leave you. Even if they… even if they do end up having to leave, it doesn't make you any less of an amazing person."

"You left me."

She didn't say anything for a second. "I did." She whispered, nodding her head against my chest. "But that doesn't mean I'm wrong."

I took a shuddering breath and buried my face in her beautiful bronze hair. "Angel. You were my everything… if you don't love me… then - then it doesn't matter if I had any friends… or family, I'm broken without you, and none of them can love me because of it. So none of it matters."

"It mattered to me." She whispered sadly, hugging me tightly. "Beau, you deserve to be happy. Me being there shouldn't be necessary for that. And like I said before, time heals all wounds… you need to start letting yourself."

I shook my head, whispering back. "You said time heals all wounds for my kind - for humans. I'm not human." I pulled back just enough to look into her mesmerizing eyes, and all I could see was the guilt she wore so easily. It was just as I remembered it, waves of regret flooded them as she looked back at me. It made me flinch, but I couldn't tear myself away from her vision. It would hurt worse if I did.

"I'm sorry," She said softly, putting a hand on my jaw. "My beautiful misguided boy. I never wanted this for you."

I flinched even harder. I was boring now. I was nothing to her. "I know."

"No Beau, that's not what I meant." She said, frustration creeping into her tone. "I wanted you to be human, to be safe, and to live happily. You don't need someone who abandoned you to have that. Because I did Beau, I left you, and I am so, so sorry… but you have to let me go."

I knew this was all in my head, and I knew that the angel in my arms wasn't real… as she'd only ever done, she was trying to save me. But it was futile because as much as I hated my existence, as much as this torture rained within me every day, weighed me down, and kept me from moving on, I would never ever give it up.

Because the alternative would mean having to forget her. Because there was no way else I could conceivably move on. How could you move on from heaven? From perfection? You couldn't. Not unless you forgot its poisonous euphoria.

I would never give her up.

"Then say my name." my angel said challengingly, cupping my face in her hands and forcing me to look her in the eye again. "If you choose to remember me, then you can say my name can't you?"

I opened my mouth, her name on my lips in an instant, but the agony came back again, hitting me with another wave, trying to drown me in this storm. I couldn't say it.

"Say it, Beau." She said, her words dripping with despair. "Just say it."

I tried again, but only got a choked gasp out. The simmer of pain inside me got hotter as I tried.

"My memory is poison! You're right, it's just pain. My mere name is enough to hurt you." She ran her thumb along my lip, her sadness equal to mine. "Beau, please let me go. You're just hurting yourself."

I shook my head like a child refusing to take his medicine. I kept my mouth in a firm line and took her hands in mine. I took two deep breaths and looked into the vision of my angel's eyes.

I knew it, and she did too. I am going to wake up in hell every day. I'll put my shoes on, go out and talk to friends, go hunt, and survive. Day by day I will survive. But it will be agony every time, because as much as it'll hurt; I would never ever give it up if it meant I had to let go of a single moment she and I had.

I won't ever forget a single bit of the magic we had.

"Edythe," I whispered. The pain came, as I knew it would, but so did the beauty of it. The poisonous euphoria of her name. I had my decision - I would never forget, and I would never move on.

Because I don't think I can.

Even if I wanted to, being a vampire, I remembered every single thing that had ever happened to me. Every moment we had was carved into my head.

Maybe if I was still human, with a worse memory, I could try… for Charlie's sake, for Jules. Maybe on some cold and lonely night when I had no one, as a human, I could have caved and tried to block out what she meant to me.

But it wasn't possible. Not now.

"I love you," I said, pressing my forehead to hers, and closing my eyes.

"Please, Beau." She begged with a quivering voice.

"I love you, Edythe."

We didn't say anything after that. We just held each other. I didn't care that my angel wasn't really here. It hurt.

But I wanted to remember Edythe Cullen.

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