Chapter 3 - Silent Hands

Day 5

The first light of dawn trickled between the trees, falling with faint glow on the camp that Kelly and Justin had settled into the night before. The crackling of embers from their dying fire was the only sound in the stillness. Kelly stirred, the weight of sleep clinging to her limbs as she pushed herself up, her hand instinctively going to her knife. Besides her, Justin curled under the thin blanket, his face serene in his sleep and even unaware of the cruelty of the world. A low moan issued from the woods, sending a shiver down Kelly's spine. In an instant, her senses went into overdrive. She got to her feet, scanning the treeline. A lone walker stumbled forward, its decaying body shuffling in a grotesque and unnatural rhythm. Its milky eyes fixed onto the remnants of their fire, its hunger driving it closer with every staggered step.

Kelly's hand clenched on the hilt of her knife, she didn't take a step toward the walker. Yet. This wasn't her battle. Not this time. "Justin," Kelly said, giving him a nudge to wake him. "Get up. It's time you learned."

Justin sat up, blurry-eyed and rubbing at his eyes. "Huh? What's going on?

"There's a walker," Kelly said, nodding toward the oncoming figure. "It's your chance. Take care of it."

Justin's eyes went wide, watching as the walker neared within twenty feet. He swallowed hard, his face washing in a surge of dread and trepidation. "You want me to. kill it?"

"Yes," Kelly said icily. "You said you wanted to help, that you wanted to be strong. Now's the time to prove it."

Justin scrambled to his feet, his shaking hands grasping for his knife. He stared at the walker, the guttural moans grew louder as it drew closer. His heart was racing, thudding in his chest like a war drum. He had seen walkers before, innumerable times from the safety of his father's hardware store but never up close like this. It lurched forward, its rotting fingers reaching toward him and in that moment Justin froze. The grip on the knife slackened, his arms falling dead at his sides. "I... I can't." Justin whispered.

Kelly's brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed in frustration. "What do you mean you can't? It's a walker, Justin."

But something inside Justin refused to let him. A soft, gentle warmth began to spread through his body, like the presence of love itself. It was more than just his fear that stayed his hand, yet deeper, beyond his comprehension. "I just can't," Justin stammered, his voice shaking. He was paralyzed with fear as the walker jerkily moved closer, its rotted face now just feet from his own.

Kelly's anger spilled over and in an instant, she plunged forward and buried her knife deep into the skull of the walker.. it fell with a wet thud to the ground. She spun around to Justin, her eyes blazing with anger. "What is wrong with you? That thing was going to kill us! You stood there and did nothing!"

"I.. I don't know," Justin stuttered, his hands shaking as he stared down at the dead walker. "I couldn't, I just couldn't do it.

"You couldn't do it?" Kelly repeated in disbelief. "Are you serious? We're in a world where things like that will rip you apart without a second thought and you're telling me you couldn't even lift a knife to defend yourself?"

Justin's head dropped, shame crawling up his spine. "I'm sorry," Justin muttered. "I didn't mean to freeze up like that."

Kelly prowled back and forth, hands balled into fists. "Sorry doesn't cut it, Justin! You can't be weak like this, not out here. There is no one to protect you, no one to come and save you when things go bad. You either fight or you die. That's the reality." But Justin said nothing, at a loss to describe the pressure in his chest, the resistance of hands that refused to strike. Kelly just looked at him, her anger dissipating into disappointment. She shook her head. "You will never make it if you don't harden up," she said quietly. "I won't be able to always protect you."

Kelly took one last glance at the fallen walker, turning her heel away from the camp. She left Justin to his demons, plagued by what was taking place.. his knife still in his hand, clutched loosely-uncertain.

Justin knelt beside the walker's body and stared into its dead eyes. Something inside of him wanted to feel relief that it was dead, all he could feel was an aching sadness. He didn't understand why he wasn't able to do what needed to be done in order to survive himself. "I don't understand," Justin whispered to himself. "Why am I unable to kill them?" The leaves rustled in the wind but otherwise, there was no response. The weight of the woods' silence pressed in on him endlessly as the weight of his own inadequacy settled heavy upon his shoulders.

-_-_-

Above the heavy screen of treetops, the sky was gray and overcast, and it reflected little light down through to the forest floor. Kelly walked well ahead, pounding her feet against the earth as if with each step, she was angry at it. Justin followed far behind, catching his toes on roots, stumbling over rocks. Between them, the tension was electric as if the storm was brewing within the atmosphere, heavy with unsaid words, as Kelly took them closer further into the woods.

Anger and confusion stirred in Kelly's mind. How could Justin still refuse to do what needed to be done? He'd had a chance to prove himself, to show he was capable of handling this world's reality.. and he blew it. She couldn't afford to be around someone so weak, so unwilling to face the truth of their situation. "Kelly, wait.." Justin called out, his footsteps picking up to match his pace to hers. He reached her side, his breathing labored. "I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know what happened. It wasn't that I didn't want to help, I just.. I couldn't."

Kelly's jaw clenched. "Couldn't?" Kelly repeated, huffing. "You froze, Justin. You could've gotten us killed. This world doesn't care if you're scared. It doesn't care if you don't want to hurt anyone. You either fight or you die. And you're making it really hard for me to believe you can do the first one."

Justin slowed to a stop and caught her arm, his fingers dancing across the skin of her wrist. "Kelly, wait-"

Kelly wrenched her arm loose but as soon as his skin had touched hers, a searing warmth spread up and down the lines of her body. She fixed her gaze upon her arm, where his hand had been and her eyes widened as a glowing handprint shimmered on her forearm. It radiated in a soft, ethereal light, almost like the fading remnants of a sunbeam. Kelly froze, her breath caught in her throat as the glow slowly faded away, leaving no trace but a lingering warmth on her skin. Justin stared at her arm, eyes wide. Kelly's pulse quickened, not in fear. Instead, another feeling wrapped itself around her heart.. strange, yet somehow all too familiar. It was a wave of emotions, a wave of Justin's emotions crashing against her chest.. his doubt, his reluctance to do harm even to something dead.

"What was that?" Kelly muttered, taking a step back and rubbing her arm as if to erase what had happened.

Justin's eyes were wide with confusion and fear. "I don't know," he said, his voice shaking. "But it's what I felt. Back there, with the walker... I didn't just freeze. I couldn't do it. Something stopped me. It was like… I knew it wasn't right."

Kelly narrowed her eyes, frustration hitching upwards. "What are you talking about? You're saying you didn't kill it because you felt something?" She shook her head. "You sound ridiculous."

Justin swallowed, attempting to explain. "I know it sounds stupid, but when I grabbed that knife, it was like… like there was something inside me that wouldn't let me. Like it was wrong to kill, even if it was a walker."

Kelly stared at Justin, her mind racing. It wasn't the words that unsettled her; it was this strange and uncomfortable feeling whenever he touched her.. the burning mark, the flood of emotion. She longed to turn a blind eye, to tell herself it was all the result of her exhausted mind playing tricks on her. But deep down, she couldn't help but feel that something much greater than both of them was unfolding. Anger flared in her once more, this time tinged with doubt. "I don't care what you felt, Justin. This world doesn't let you not kill. Walkers aren't people anymore - they are monsters. And if you don't kill them, they will kill you." Justin opened his mouth to continue the argument but she cut him off, turning her back to him. "I don't have time for this," Kelly muttered, stamping off through the underbrush. The tingling in her arm where his fingers had so recently been wrapped around it, followed her as she walked. No matter how she tried, she could not get rid of the feeling that in some part of her, something had shifted in the field of dynamic tension between them. Something incomprehensible and impossible to ignore.

-_-_-

Kelly stood stiff, arms tightly crossed over her chest as she glared at Justin. She had stormed ahead after their strange encounter, unable to shake the burning handprint that had appeared on her arm. Gone now but the memory of it lingered, haunting her, gnawing. Justin shifted from one foot to the other, reaching for words to fill the silence. He cleared his throat. "Kelly, I.. I think we should try it again."

Incredulous, her eyes snapped to him. "Try what again?"

"The... touching thing." Justin coloured at how stupid that sounded. "I mean, maybe if I touch your arm again we can figure out what that was. Something happened before. Maybe it'll happen again.".Kelly's jaw was clenched as she shook her head in denial. She turned away, her gaze scanning the trees as if to find any distraction from the absurdity of Justin's suggestion. Hr stepped closer, more earnest now. "Please. I need to understand what's going on. Maybe it'll help both of us."

Kelly's resistance was starting to sag. She really didn't want to agree with him, but he was right.. there had been something undeniably real in that moment. She hadn't imagined it. But the idea of reliving that strange, unsettling sensation filled her with unease. Kelly uncrossed her arms and took a hesitant step forward on a deep breath. Her eyes met Justin's.. they were reluctant, yet willing. "Fine. But if nothing happens, we drop it, okay?"

Justin nodded enthusiastically, his face reflecting a tide of relief. "Okay."

Kelly rolled up her sleeve, held it out to him like some sort of reluctant offering. Justin reached out, his hand hovering for a moment above her skin before touching down softly on her forearm. They just stood there, tense, waiting.. expecting the same strange glow, the flood of emotions, something. But this time, nothing happened. Kelly let her breath out in a sharp explosive sigh, more relief than frustration. "See? Nothing. I told you."

Justin released it, his brow furrowed in puzzlement. "But it was real before, wasn't it? It felt different."

"Maybe it was just some form of shock," Kelly muttered, brushing the incident off.

Beyond mortal realization, on a plane unseen by human eyes, the guardian archangel Susanne in Kelly stirred to greater awareness. She felt something foreign reaching for her, a presence seeking her. It wasn't hostile, but so unfamiliar, gentle, like a thread of light weaving toward her own essence.

Christen. The love archangel that had made Justin its home was calling out. The latter was subtle at first, like two still, small voices in a crowded place, growing loud as they honed into the other's presence. "Christen?" Susanne's voice reverberated within the void between them, cautious yet inquisitive.

A soft glow emanated in response, like the sun breaking its way through clouds. "Susanne. I've been waiting for this. We need to talk."

Susanne's form flared bright and fierce, flaring slightly with tension. "What is this? What's happening to our vessels?" her mind flashed back to that moment Justin had touched Kelly.. had it been Christen's doing?

Christen's voice was calm, serene, and full of love that the balm Susanne needed. "I didn't mean to alarm you, but when our vessels got connected, so did we. There's something I need to explain about Justin."

Susanne's radiance faded a little as she listened. "Go on."

"Justin cannot kill." Christen's voice was firm, yet sorrowful. "If he does, I will die."

Susanne jerked backward, her energy skittering with confusion and incredulity. "What? What do you mean? That doesn't make any sense."

"It's because of who I am," Christen whispered. "I am not like you, Susanne. I am the archangel of love. I am supposed to nurture and protect, not destroy. The thought of violence is an abomination to my soul. If Justin takes a life, even that of a walker, the bond that we share will be severed. It will kill me."

Susanne's power flared to life and her instincts rose with it. "But this world.. it's dangerous. Walkers, raiders. Kelly fights every day just to survive. How can Justin survive if he can't even protect himself?"

"There are other ways to survive," Christen said calmly. "Not every fight has to end in death. Love is a force, too.. a powerful one. And I believe that through Justin we can show the world that. But only if he stays true to who he is."

For a moment, Susanne didn't say anything more, the heft of her words sinking in. "So, Justin's got to stay soft? Weak? In a world like this?"

"No," Christen replied softly. "He's not weak. His strength is in his compassion, his hope. Those things count, even now. Maybe more than ever. But if he loses that part of himself.. if he kills, it will cost us both everything." The light of Susanne waned, a great turmoil brewed inside her. She had been created to protect, shield from darkness. And now she was asked to trust in a force she did not quite understand.. a force that seemed to her so fragile for this cruel world. But Christen was beyond certain, her love for her vessel clear and profound. "Susanne, I know this is difficult. But I believe in Justin. And I believe in Kelly, too. Together, we can guide them through this. But you have to trust me."

Susanne was indecisive, her fiery embers of resolution dancing as she counterpoised the words. "I'll protect her," she said finally in a steady voice. "But this.. this will not be easy."

Christen's warmth wrapped around her in reply. "No, it won't."

As the tenuous link between them had evaporated, Susanne drew back, her mind returning to the outside world.. to Kelly. The girl still walked ahead, her footsteps leaden with frustration.

-_-_-

The sun was low in the sky as Kelly and Justin trudged through the woods, the repressive silence of the forest finally yielding to a sprawling farmstead. It lay decrepit, lost to decay.. weeds overgrew what had once been vibrant fields. The barn loomed ahead of them like some sort of hollowed out monument, Kelly cast a wary eye over the scene before seeming to decide that it was worth the risk. Supplies.

Justin walked beside Kelly, his gait clumsy and out of place in the wild. Every snap of a twig underfoot made him flinch, every shadow seemed to deepen the uncertainty etched into his young face. She knew she could move quicker without him. Knew she could take what she needed and be off into the forest, like so many times before. Yet, here he was.. a boy wanting to help.. a liability, yet also a rare companion in this desolate world. The conflicting thoughts swirled in her mind as they neared the barn.

Inside the dilapidated building, scintillas of sunlight filtered through the slats of wood, cast streams of bright light onto scattered remnants of a life long forsaken. Old farm implements hung crookedly from pegs in the wall. The air reeked thick with damp and decaying hay. Kelly started to forage, her movements slow and meticulous as she rummaged through refuse. Her hands moved quick to retrieve just the items she needed.. canned goods, bandages, and tools.. while her mind remained alert and aware of any detail out of place. Justin proved slower, a lot too slow for her taste. She could hear him fumbling in the back, his footsteps heavy on the creaky wooden floor. She turned to see him holding a tattered stuffed toy in his hands, its fur matted and discolored from years of neglect. His fingers traced the worn seams as though the thing had some hidden meaning she couldn't comprehend.

"What are you doing?" Kelly's voice cut like a knife through the stale air. She stood over him, her eyes narrowing in frustration.

Justin looked up, clutching the stuffed toy. "I thought it could be useful," Justin mumbled, though even he didn't sound too convinced.

"Useful?" Kelly echoed, her tone dripping with incredulity. "That's what you think is useful? We're not here for junk. We're here for things that'll keep us alive."

His face darkened to red with embarrassment, but he refused to put down the toy. "It's not junk," Justin said in a soft tone, his voice laced with an edge of stubbornness. "It could be comforting, you never know."

"Comforting?" Kelly scoffed, shaking her head. "You don't need to be comforted. You need to stop acting like this world is going to give you anything other than death. That thing isn't going to save you when walkers show up or when you're starving."

Justin's grasp closed tighter over the toy. "It's not about saving me," Justin said so quietly, his voice was almost a whisper, as if he too tried to explain something even he didn't grasp.

Kelly stood there, her fists clenched at her sides, fighting the urge to snatch the toy out of his hands and throw it aside. They didn't have time for this. The cold truth of survival didn't care about sentimentality or comfort. She'd learned that the hard way over and over again. But something in Justin's expression stilled her. His wide eyes, still clinging to some fragile sense of hope, reflected back at her. For one fleeting moment, a flicker of doubt crossed her mind. When was the last time she had felt this way? That there was still some small good left in the world, even in something as useless as a stuffed toy? In an instant, it was done. Kelly turned her back on him, pushing her emotions deep down inside of her where they could no longer interfere. "Fine. Keep it. But don't expect me to waste my time saving you when you're too busy holding on to that thing instead of watching your own back." Justin nodded silently, still clutching the toy to his chest as if holding onto the last remnants of his childhood. He followed her lead, gathering what little he could find.

As they left the barn, out into the twilight, Kelly couldn't help but shoot a glance back at Justin, at the stuffed toy poking out of his backpack. And though she was irritated, a part of her wondered if maybe.. somewhere deep in that comfort seeking naivety.. something in him reminded her of something she had forgotten, something worth remembering. But for now, it was one step at a time, one struggle to survive another. Everything else was in abeyance.

As the last rays of twilight bled away, shade and darkness seeped into and enveloped the forest.. wrapping it in cold, heavy silence. The air remained motionless, heavy with the weight of night, while every shadow stretched out, long and ominous. Kelly felled to one knee as she began to clear a small patch of earth, hastening to assemble some sort of crude shelter out of fallen branches and debris. Her fingers, though worn and stiff from days of tension and survival, moved methodically, the routine being almost a comforting monotony in the midst of the chaos that had become her life. Justin hovered nearby, not quite helping but not quite idle either. He watched her with quieted admiration, his inexperience a stark contrast to her hard, practical knowledge. There were moments Kelly felt his gaze on her, as if he were waiting for some silent instruction.. she offered none. It was easier to work in silence, easier to let the sounds of the forest wrap around them like a cocoon.

Once the shelter was up, Kelly sat back against a tree with her eyes scanning the woods around them. It had been a long day.. physically, emotionally.. and her body ached with the kind of exhaustion that sleep couldn't entirely fix. Yet rest as always, felt like a dangerous indulgence. The world had taught her that closing your eyes meant inviting death.

Kelly shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a position where her back didn't feel like it was going to break, and saw Justin sitting across from her. His legs were folded under him, his face dancing with flickering shadows cast from the fire. But it wasn't the submissive posture or the anxious way he glanced at the darkened woods that caught her attention this time, it was what was in his hands. The cuddly toy. She fought the roll of her eyes, the frustration bubbling. Everything they'd scrounged up.. after all the food, tools, and essentials they had rounded up.. he was still hanging onto that thing.

When Justin caught Kelly staring, he blushed, a deep pink hue capturing his cheeks. His fingers fumbled with the toy a moment longer before he cleared his throat, attempting to gather courage enough to speak. "I uh..." Justin trailed off, staring down at the stuffed figure before looking up at her again with a mixture of embarrassment and sincerity. "I thought.. maybe you'd like to have it." Kelly blinked, taken aback. The first thing that rose to her lips was a scoff, to dismiss the absurdity of it utterly. A stuffed toy? What use did she have for a child's trinket? Still, Justin's eyes remained on her, earnest and hopeful, as if this small gesture would bridge the gulf between them, somehow softening the harsh edges of their reality. "Everyone needs something to hold onto."

Kelly's throat began to tighten and for the fleeting instant, she wanted to brush Justin off.. to maintain that wall of indifference. Something in his words.. the quiet simplicity of the offering.. checked her. It had been so long since anyone gave her anything, so long since anyone had even thought about her beyond survival. She stared at it for what felt like an eternity before finally reaching out, her hand hovering in the air. When she took it from Justin, the fabric was soft and worn, its once-vibrant colors faded by time. It was small in her hands, almost absurdly so, and the notion of carrying it around felt ridiculous. But she didn't throw it back, she didn't refuse. Instead she jammed it into her pack, not meeting Justin's eyes as she did. "Thanks," Kelly growled softly, the word rough and low, as if even that was hard to admit. It wasn't much, but it was all she could manage.

Justin gave a soft, relieved smile. He said nothing more, just leaned back into his own corner of the field camp, his presence quieter than it had been before. Between them, the fire crackled, fair-weather comfort against the biting cold.

Kelly leaned her head back against the tree and stared up at the stars peeking through the canopy. The toy, tucked away now in her pack, pulled at her mind in ways she could never have predicted. It wasn't the thing in and of itself.. just the gesture, the first true act of kindness she'd been afforded in longer than she could remember. And despite herself, despite everything, it chipped away at the armor she'd built around her heart.

Perhaps she didn't show it, but maybe she still felt cold and distant, the loss of Gordon and Charlie too raw to actually let anyone in. But the small act of giving, of Justin offering her something when he had so little of his own-that softened her, even if just a little. And as she fell to sleep.. knife in hand, Kelly wondered if perhaps.. just possibly there was still a small piece of humanity locked inside of her. And for tonight, that was enough to keep the shadows away.