Chapter 5:

The duration of her stay at Haven was a complete blur. Lara went through the motions, feeling completely numb, trying to get through the days. She mostly kept to herself in her cabin, the elf checking in on her no doubt by Cassandra's instruction. She barely slept. Nightmares of the future consumed her. Terrified her. This would all manifest if she failed. The responsibility was too much, too overwhelming. Solas invited himself whenever she walked. He was kind enough to walk with her in silence but seeing him reminded her of the version of him ill with lyrium. He was either trying to read her mind on these walks or keep an eye on her. She declined every time he asked to practice magic or study together. She didn't have the energy or the desire. Honestly, the Fade and all the demons in it can go fuck themselves right now as far as Lara was concerned.

Lara could feel the Commander searching for her. When he'd find her, he'd freeze and look at her like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Lara would tear her eyes away from him and walk away immediately. Her memory of him hurt the most. The future meant they were together. Or he loved her. My love. Did he love her now? No, she wouldn't think of that. She won't go down that path. Keeping him away meant protecting her heart or so she told herself.

The door flying open caught her off guard. She spun around but relaxed upon seeing Dorian.

"Do they not teach you how to knock in Tevinter?" Lara raised an eyebrow.

"Ah! Her wit is still alive at least," He retorted, ignoring her question.

"What is that supposed to mean? I'm here aren't I?" Lara continued sorting through her wardrobe, admiring some of the new pieces she was given. A welcome distraction.

"Physically, yes. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually…I think we may have left that in the future," He sat down on her bed.

"Sitting on a woman's bed? How very bold of you," Lara continued, trying to avoid that topic.

"Stop pretending to be oblivious. It doesn't suit you. If you must know, I prefer the company of men. I'm trusting you with that," Dorian sighed.

Lara turned around suddenly upon hearing that confession. She hadn't considered it but now hearing it, it made sense.

"I hadn't realized. Your secret is safe with me…" Lara looked away, "The man you killed. The Commander. He's not my lover."

"That's your secret? I figured that out already. You can slice the sexual tension between you two with the dwarfs crossbow," Dorian scoffed.

"One, don't drag Bianca into this. Two, there is no sexual tension," Lara stated.

Dorian sighed, "There you go being oblivious again. It doesn't suit you, my dear."

"What do you want from me?" She hung her head defeated.

"I would like the sassy Herald I encountered to return to the present. I admired her. I'm not so keen on whatever version of yourself you brought back."

"I can't," Lara struggled to find her voice. "You saw what happened. All that shit is on me if I fail. I don't want this, I never wanted this."

"There are many things we don't want in life. That mark you carry is a part of you whether you accept it or not. If you abandon us all and do nothing, the world will perish. I am here by your side to make sure that future never happens. You also have that elf should anything go wrong magically speaking," Dorian assured her.

"Solas. His name is Solas," She rolled her eyes. It was Solas's turn to have a bickering partner. Dorian and him did not get along and found opportunities to provoke each other.

"Yes, him. Your advisors are concerned. There are also some pressing matters to attend to. Missions to accomplish, evil plans to soil, regions to visit…you know, the usual. What you need is some fresh air," Dorian sat up from her bed and walked over to her.

"Listen. That future haunts me as well. I'm choosing not to dwell on it while you seem to be immersed in it. Twiddling our thumbs here feeling sorry for ourselves is not going to stop that from happening. The Elder One is out there. We removed Alexius but that doesn't mean someone else won't do his dirty work. Remember that," Dorian rested a hand on her shoulder and exited her cabin.

Lara let out a big sigh and walked over to the desk. She braved a glimpse at her appearance. She looked as awful as she felt. Her complexion was dull, her eyes sunken, and her body more frail. Dorian was right, but she couldn't get herself out of her head. The events kept replaying in her mind during the day causing her chest to close in and breathing became a harder task to do. The events replayed in her dreams causing her to wake up with a jolt, covered in sweat, and crying.

Maybe Dorian was right. Maybe she needed a change of scenery. Being in Haven with the very people that she saw in the future may not be helping her.

—-

"This isn't what I had in mind for a change of scenery," Lara glared at Dorian as she was soaked from head to toe.

"It's called the Storm Coast. I'm not quite sure what else you expected. Rainbows and sunshine?" Dorian shrugged at her while Blackwall chuckled behind them.

"Careful. I might be curious enough to find out what happens if I point my mark at you," Lara narrowed her eyes.

She was only met with laughter which annoyed her even more.

She took Dorian's advice in Haven and spoke to a 'strapping lad' named Krem who wanted to inform the Herald about his boss, the Iron Bull. The Inquisition still needed more support. This would get her out of Haven and get her advisors off her back about her not being well. This wasn't the scenery she had in mind. She already felt engulfed by a black cloud no matter how much the sun shone in Haven. Now she was literally covered in that same darkness she carried internally.

She brought Blackwall, Dorian, and Varric. Cassandra played mother hen too much and Solas refused to travel with a Vint. Both Dorian and Solas meant a lot to her so she was going to have to figure out a way for the two of them to play nice. Wasn't the Inquisition supposed to restore peace and order? A second chance? Solas was going to have to eat his own words now. She mentally added that to her to-do list back in Haven. Tomorrow they were going to meet this Iron Bull and see him in action. Hopefully he wouldn't be too hard to recruit.

"I heard from a little birdie you named your crossbow Bianca?" Dorian snapped her out of her thoughts. She was probably that little birdie he was referring to.

There was a break from the rain so they decided to put up a fire to warm up before bed.

"I hardly keep that a secret," The dwarf responded with a smile.

"Do you sleep with her as well? What's that like?" Dorian asked nonchalantly.

"Would you like to watch next time?"

Blackwall let out a laugh. Normally Lara would laugh and join in on the banter but she couldn't. She couldn't even smile. This ache inside her wouldn't go away. All she could think about was how these three men who sat by her side would be dead and consumed by lyrium if she failed.

"I'll pass on that, thank you," Dorian replied.

"I'm going to go to bed," Lara excused herself, feeling them watch her as she went into her tent.

—-

The next day they were all drenched in rain again. Thankfully they were stocked up on potions back at camp. They were going to need it because someone was bound to get sick at this rate. Venturing down the hills, Lara spotted a fight going on.

"I'm going to hazard a guess that the one with the horns is who we are looking for?" Dorian piped up.

"Iron Bull. Fits the description to me," Varric answered.

They continued down the hill and joined in the fight. The Iron Bull was even larger up close. Definitely Qunari. This was definitely a man Lara needed on her team. Strength and combat. She only had Blackwall at the moment so she could use another male warrior at her disposal. These were different enemies they were fighting. It wasn't templars or mages anymore. They were heavily equipped, even with magic. How many different enemies were out there? How many different kinds of enemies were on the Elder One's side? There was more going on than she realized.

Once the enemies were defeated, the Iron Bull spoke.

"Krem! How'd we do?"

"Five or six wounded, Chief. None dead," Krem answered. Lara hadn't noticed he was here too.

"That's what I like to hear. Once you're finished cleaning up, let's break out the casks."

Lara checked in with her team as well trying to look as much as a leader as possible. All three were in good condition. Then she made her way over to the man with horns.

"You must be Iron Bull?" She asked.

"Yeah, the horns usually give it away," He said amused. "So you're the Inquisition? Glad you came over. Have a seat. Drinks are on the way."

Lara followed him to a more secluded spot and sat on the rock opposite him.

"Krem invited me to see you guys fight. I'm impressed. He said you also wanted to speak with me," Lara started. This was a nice distraction even though the weather was shit.

"Glad to hear you're impressed. I hear you're the boss. So…you've seen us fight. We're expensive, but we're worth it. And I'm sure the Inquisition can afford us," Iron Bull answered.

"How much are you costing me, exactly?" Lara questioned, already hearing Josephine muttering and scribbling in her head.

"It wouldn't cost you anything personally, unless you're buying us drinks," He smiled. "We'll discuss the costs with your Ambassador and get the payments set up."

He was confident and Lara admired that. Looking at the Chargers, they seemed like an interesting mix. Not a team you would expect. Then again, Lara was traveling with a dwarf, a Vint, and a Warden as the Inquisition who was meant to save the world. Adding a Qunari with horns and an eye patch couldn't hurt.

"You and your men seem like excellent company. Welcome to the Inquisition," Lara answered.

"Excellent. Oh and one more thing that might piss you off."

Lara raised an eyebrow. "Try me."

"Ever heard of Ben-Hassrath? Well, that's me. They're concerned about the Breach. I've been ordered to join the Inquisition, get close to those in charge, and send reports. I also get reports. I'll share them with your people as well," Iron Bull explained.

She admired his honesty. He could've easily kept this from them. Leliana should speak with him. She was the Spymaster after all.

"I appreciate your honesty. Speak with Leliana, our spymaster. She'd be the best person to give the reports to," Lara answered.

"Yes, boss. We'll meet you back in Haven," Iron Bull winked, or at least Lara thought he did, and made his way over to the Chargers to celebrate.

Lara's job wasn't done yet. She was here to investigate why the Wardens disappeared. She promised she would help Blackwall find any artifacts left behind by Wardens. She found an amulet, Mercy's Crest, which belonged to the Blades of Hessarian that Scout Harding mentioned in her report. Somehow she was able to reason with them and recruited them as agents. The fact that they were an Andrastian cult and she a Herald probably helped more than anything.

Days had passed and before Lara knew it, they had a strong influence over the Storm Coast. She knew they would need to come back at some point but for now, she accomplished what she needed to. She collected all shards, artifacts, and information needed to report back to her advisors. She was ready to leave somewhere dry and warm. The wet, damp, and cold was not helping her mood. She was exhausted but not exhausted enough to sleep peacefully.

—-

Leliana informed Lara that she managed to secure a lyrium supply for the mages to close the Breach even though Haven already had a sure supply. The extra supply brought security.

Haven already had a supply? That confirms Cullen does still take lyrium. But then why does he look so exhausted?

Lara couldn't stop thinking about Cullen and lyrium even though it was a dangerous road to go down. Images of lyrium protruding from his body were ingrained in her memory already. His face when he saw her. The desperation in his voice. The plea when he wouldn't allow her to go. He didn't want her to die.

My love.

End me!

Lara awoke with a gasp. Her heart was racing and she felt a layer of sweat on her.

"You really are awful to sleep next to. Can't the elf give you something to control your dreams? Doesn't he prance around in the Fade for a living?" Dorian's voice boomed.

"I highly doubt he prances around," Lara said, annoyed. Mostly at herself. Maybe she did need to speak with Solas about her dreams. She couldn't keep going on like this.

"We're here anyways. She can speak with Chuckles when we get back to Haven," Varric joined in.

"Chuckles?" Lara asked, confused. "He doesn't smile much."

"That's exactly why I call him Chuckles. He's too serious. He doesn't need a serious nickname to match," Varric smiled.

Lara shook her head. She couldn't admit it but she was grateful for her team. They were back in Val Royeaux to meet with whoever Red Jenny was. They followed the notes to where they needed to go and Lara found herself interrupting something undercover. This time they were fighting nobles. Better than red templars and a cult loving Magister at least.

Once they made their way upstairs, an Orlesian covered with a mask shot fire towards them. He was angry that she was here and ruined his plans. He was clearly trying to conspire against her and the Inquisition. Maybe this is why Red Jenny brought her here.

A whoosh of an arrow caused her to grip her staff while Dorian created a barrier around them. Relief washed over her when she realized it was an enemy who was struck. An elf with short hair and an arrow at the ready appeared.

"Just say 'what!'" She spoke.

"What is the –" The guy started but was soon silenced with an arrow.

"Eww! Squishy one but you heard me right? Rich tits always try for more than they deserve," She spoke again, walking over to the Orlesian. "Blah, blah, blah! Arrow in my face! So you followed the notes then? Aaaannd you're a mage…"

"That a problem?" Lara asked.

"I mean it's all good. The important thing is that you glow, yeah? You're the Herald thingy?" She continued. Lara was getting whiplash trying to keep up with her.

"Some call me the Herald. But who are you and what's going on exactly?"

"I dunno. My people said the Inquisition should look at him. Name's Sera. This is cover. Get round it. Someone tipped me off..they've got no breeches!" She pointed to an area hidden by crates, laughing.

"I'm not even sure how to respond to that," Dorian chimed in, sounding just as confused as Lara was.

Lara soon understood. The men they fought really did have no pants. She thought it was an odd tip but probably best not to loot any weapons off of them.

"You're a strange one, Herald. I'd like to join," Sera continued once the last of the men were killed.

"How about a proper introduction first? Y'know…names and such," Lara answered.

"One name. No wait. Two. It's like this. I sent you that note to find hidden stuff by my friends. The friends of Red Jenny. That's me. It's just a name. It lets little people be part of something while they stick it to nobles they hate. So here, in your face, I'm Sera."

"All right, Sera. We can use you and your friends in the Inquisition," Lara wasn't sure in her decision but she hated nobles too and that was good enough for her.

"Yes! Get in good before you're too big. That'll keep your breeches where they should be. Anyway, Haven. See you there Herald. This will be grand!" Sera laughed.

Lara really needed to start thinking out her decisions properly but she couldn't be picky either. The Inquisition needed allies and support from wherever they could get it from.

—-

Lara went alone on her next journey besides Josephine accompanying her in Orlais. This meeting with Madame de Fer had to be perfect especially if they were to win her support. Josephine tutted at Lara's appearance since Redcliffe but put her together very nicely. Lara was grateful for her patience and that she didn't ask any questions regarding what happened.

This invitation from Vivienne was for Lara only. She felt the pressure and hoped she could pull this off. Josephine gave her some tips on etiquette and what to do and what not to do. Lara didn't think she would ever rekindle a relationship with that part of her life again once she left, but here she was.

Looking at her reflection before heading off, she had to admit Josephine did well. A touch of makeup really helped her appearance. Her hair was twisted into a very eloquent braid with some loose pieces framing her face. Her outfit was meticulous and for once, she looked almost like a Herald. She barely knew herself anymore. Everything happened so fast. How long had it been since she woke up imprisoned?

Now was not the time for an existential crisis.

As she made her way up the stairs of the Chateau, she had a familiar feeling of her home. Her family home. She didn't know if this was good or bad but she hoped it would help her feel comfortable discussing matters with Vivienne. This was an alliance she couldn't mess up.

Lara was making polite conversation with some guests when a marquis interrupted.

"The Inquisition? What a load of pig shit!" He walked down the staircase shaking his head.

"Everyone knows it's just an excuse for a bunch of political outcasts to grab power."

"Our aim is to restore peace and order to Thedas. Nothing else," Lara kept her eyes on him, but spoke politely. She remembered Josephine's memo on how to respond to insults. Her sarcasm was not one of them.

"Ha! Here is the outsider, restoring peace with an army! We know what your 'Inquisition' really is. If you were a woman of honor, you'd step outside and answer the charges."

Before Lara could respond, the marquis turned to ice in front of her. A calm voice spoke.

"My dear marquis, how unkind of you to use such language in my house towards my guests."

The lady in sparkling white robes walked down the opposite staircase in a very poised but sultry manner.

"You know such rudeness is…intolerable," She made her way next to the marquis.

"Madame Vivienne. I humbly beg your pardon," The marquis croaked.

"As you should. What are we to do with you, my dear?" Vivienne turned to her. "My lady, you are the wounded party in this affair. What would you have me do with this foolish man?"

"I believe the marquis has seen his errors," Lara answered calmly.

"You have your life, my dear. Do be more careful next time," She snapped her fingers and the ice slowly evaporated. The marquis walked away with his head hung low.

"I am delighted that you could attend. I've so wanted to meet you," Vivienne turned to her.

"The pleasure is mine. Thank you for the lovely invitation," Lara replied with a smile.

Vivienne nodded and led the way. They were to talk somewhere more secluded, away from eavesdroppers which were notorious in Orlais. Any chance to obtain some gossip would not be missed, Lara was aware of that. She followed her admiring the rich colors of the tapestries and the architecture. It really was such a beautiful place. So far different from Haven.

Once out of sight from the party, Vivienne turned to her smiling.

"Allow me to introduce myself properly. I am Vivienne, First Enchanter of Montsimmard and Enchantress to the Imperial Court."

"Your salon has certainly exceeded my expectations so far," Lara responded.

"I'm glad to keep you entertained my dear. I wanted to meet face to face. It is important to consider one's connections carefully. With Divine Justinia dead, the Chantry is in shambles. Only the Inquisition might restore sanity and order to frightened people. As the leader of the last loyal mages of Thedas, I feel it only right that I lend my assistance to your cause," Vivienne spoke eloquently but it made Lara's stomach churn as she understood her meaning.

"So you're in favor of returning the mages to the Circle, then?" Lara asked.

"Where else can mages safely learn to master their talents? We need an institution to protect and nurture magic. Maker knows, magic will find neither on its own," She answered.

"Would you not be open to other ideas besides the Circles? It's proven to create quite the tension between Templars and Mages. Surely there is an alternative," Lara questioned, while still remaining eloquent. She was grateful in a way that her fight was subdued for the time being otherwise she may not have been able to hold her tongue.

"There are no alternatives. The Circle is where a mage can thrive. Magic exists to serve man. Tensions can be dissolved. Mages running freely without governance would only create chaos," She responded and Lara knew this is where they were going to agree to disagree.

She couldn't understand how Vivienne could be okay with her own kind being torn from their families, kept under Templars who abused their power, and held as if they were prisoners. Of course the mages would rebel. The conditions for them weren't favorable nor was it deserved. She despised her family for letting her go.

"What's your opinion of the Chantry?" Lara changed the subject.

"I was a great admirer of the late Divine Justinia V. The Chantry, at its best, unites the cultures of Thedas and looks after its most vulnerable. Had she lived, she could have accomplished so much," Vivienne answered, clearly fond of the Divine.

"You are aware the Chantry hasn't sanctioned this Inquisition…" Lara replied.

"The Chantry is leaderless. They're in no position to officially sanction anything. Besides, my dear, if there is one virtue the Chant of Light teaches us, it is forgiveness. Once you have sealed the Breach, I'm sure the new Divine will not care in the slightest about official permission."

"What exactly can you do for the Inquisition?" Lara was curious what Vivienne could offer besides putting mages back in Circles.

"I am well versed in the politics of the Orlesian Empire. I know every member of the Imperial Court personally. I have all the resources remaining to the Circle at my disposal and I am a mage of no small talent. Will that do?" Vivienne answered matter-of-factly.

Lara couldn't dispute that. They really did need someone who knew Orlais and the Court inside out. The fact that she had resources for the Circle worried her. She needed to speak with Fiona regarding what to do with the mages. While on her travels, Lara had been communicating with Leliana about setting up a school for the mages in Haven to practice their magic. Preferably away from where the templars trained. Haven wasn't huge but Leliana agreed to work something out where they can be kept separate. The tensions between them were still too high. Vivienne would just have to accept Lara's choices. She was Herald after all.

"Of course. The Inquisition will be happy to have you, Lady Vivienne," Lara offered a smile.

"Great things are beginning, my dear. I can promise you that," She replied happily.

The two made their way back to the event. Lara walked around, made some small conversations, and tried to stomach the gossip around her. She still couldn't stomach any food and alcohol wouldn't be a smart choice when she needed to be attentive. Orlais was very much a game and so far Lara was playing it well. Unfortunately, she had her upbringing to thank for that. Once it was time, Lara made her departure back to where she was staying with Josephine. A carriage awaited her, no doubt Josephine's work, and Lara was grateful for the quiet ride. Exhaustion creeped up on her. Sleep was scarce since Redcliffe. The mages were still in Haven with no clear instructions. That was her first order of business.

Then there was Cullen. She had successfully avoided him for weeks now. Ever since her return from freeing the mages. She still couldn't get him out of her head. He haunted her. She couldn't keep ignoring him but she was terrified to confront him. The future meant they were together. She was set on preventing that from happening.

She slept away from Josephine that night. She didn't want her enduring her usual night routine of nightmares and terrors. Lara sent a note with a raven to Solas before she went into bed. It was time to work on her magic again and to help with her dreams. She put it off for too long and there was so much she had to do now. Hiding in her cabin only made her responsibilities pile up. If she was to make a difference for the mages, then she needed some sleep.

The next morning, they set off by boat back to Haven. Lara felt awful, her body aching. Josephine said nothing to her but Lara knew she must've heard something based on the looks she was giving her. The same nightmares replayed again. Cullen haunting her. Leliana dead. Harvesting lyrium out of Solas's and Cassandra's bodies. It never stopped.