Chapter Eight: Fractured Focus
His first time feeling jealous.
His first date with L. His first date with a guy.
His first date with his rival.
So many firsts all at once.
Books Kinokuniya…
Light knew that L loved reading, but what could they possibly do there together? Sit and read in silence, sipping coffee, side by side? Discuss their favorite genres? What could Light talk about that would genuinely capture L's interest? L seemed to already know everything there was to know about… well, everything.
No. Light shook his head. He wasn't an idiot. He had plenty to offer, he just needed to stop overthinking.
What should he wear? He mentally scanned his closet. His beige jacket would look great, but maybe too stiff. Casual khaki trousers? No, he'd worn those far too often. Maybe the plain black ones? Their uniform was brown, so he had to choose something different, right? Khaki and brown were way too close.
His thoughts were abruptly interrupted when the geography teacher paused. Light blinked, realizing the entire class was staring at him. Had he missed a question?
"Ah -"
Every pair of eyes in the room turned toward him. Light's gaze darted nervously across the classroom.
Urban planning… earthquakes… He could bluff his way through. And answer general enough to fit any question.
"It's important to consider how urban planning incorporates seismic activity data to ensure infrastructure resilience, especially in high-risk areas like Tokyo."
"The question, Yagami-kun, was about the last major earthquake in Tokyo and how it influenced changes in urban planning policies."
Light straightened, his voice calm but his mind racing. "It was the Great East Japan Earthquake in 2011, which led to a comprehensive review of Tokyo's disaster preparedness and urban planning policies, focusing on building resilience against seismic activity."
Wait. Was that question before the first time he'd ever answered a question wrong in class?
He could feel the weight of everyone's stares. The humiliation. The frustration.
No. He was getting way too distracted.
No more thoughts about L. No more thoughts about the date.
But the more he tried to push the thoughts away, the louder they became. Memories of their kiss, so sudden, in the kitchen and then on the rooftop, played on a loop in his mind. The unexpected memories made his skin tingle. His fingers itched with the urge to pull L out of class right now, shove him against the nearest wall, and—
Damn it. How was he supposed to focus?!
He gripped his folded arms so hard his nails dug into his skin, grounding himself.
"Teacher," L's voice broke the tension in his muscles, that familiar low murmur. From his peripheral vision, he saw L's hand rise. Mr. Takahashi flinched.
"Ah—yes, L-kun?"
"I feel unwell. I need to go to the nurse's office."
"Well, can't it wait until after class? There are only fifteen minutes left."
"As a teacher, you have a legal and ethical obligation to ensure the health and safety of your students. By law, if my condition worsens due to your negligence in providing access to medical care, you could face disciplinary action from the school, civil liability, or even criminal charges."
The teacher's face paled, his expression defeated. With a nervous swallow, he nodded.
"Yes, ah—right. You're excused from class, then."
"But I don't know where the nurse's office is."
"Well then, could someone go with—Yagami-kun, you're friends, aren't you?"
Light hesitated, a brief flicker of panic in his chest. "Um, yeah."
The teacher gestured toward the door, clearly relieved as they left. His grip on the textbook was almost comical, as if it were his last tether to sanity.
In the hall, Light barely had time to react before L's hand closed around his wrist, the sudden warmth jolting through his skin.
"Hey, what are you—?"
"Shh."
"Aren't you supposed to be sick?"
"I said shh," L murmured, his eyes glinting. "And if you actually believed that, then you're far too oblivious."
"Oblivious?" Light's irritation flared. "You're one to talk. The nurse's office isn't even this way."
"You don't think I know that?"
"Then where are we going?"
Without another word, L dragged him into the nearest bathroom. He quickly scanned the stalls, then pulled Light into one, slamming the door behind them. The sound echoed off the tiles, and suddenly the world narrowed down to just them—trapped in the tight, enclosed space.
Light's back hit the cold metal door, and his pulse raced as L pressed closer, his breath warm against Light's lips. The heat between them flared, impossibly intense, like a match igniting in the dark.
And then L kissed him.
It wasn't soft or hesitant. Light's entire body burned with the sensation, every nerve alight. L's lips were too soft, too warm, and Light's mind went blank as he kissed back, his hands instinctively gripping L's waist, pulling him closer. The feel of L's body pressed against his, the way L moved, the taste of him—
His first kiss in a bathroom. His first kiss that made him feel like he was on fire.
L's hands slid under his shirt, fingertips grazing his skin, sending shocks of pleasure through him. Light could barely breathe, his chest rising and falling in ragged pants. He could have melted into the floor from how good it felt, but then L's hands slid up, around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss.
They had class. They were still at school. What the hell were they doing?
"Want me to stop?" L's voice was a low murmur, as if reading his thoughts, against his lips.
Yes. No. Damn, he didn't even know anymore.
"We haven't even…" Light tried to steady his breathing. "Been on a first date yet."
"But we're dating now, technically." L's tone was annoyingly casual, as if they weren't pressed against each other in a bathroom stall. "Or was there another reason you were so tense in class?"
Light's jaw clenched. "I'm not just thinking about you, you know. I have other things on my mind."
"Is that so? Even you admitted before that you couldn't stop thinking about me," L's voice was laced with amusement as his fingers traced along Light's jawline. A shiver ran through him despite himself. "I have a feeling you might be lying."
Of course he was.
Light shoved L back, but it wasn't enough to create space. Instead, he pinned L against the door, his hands gripping L's shoulders. "And who's paying such close attention to me, huh? Is there someone on your mind?"
"It seems we're at an impasse," L said quietly, his dark eyes locking onto Light's, daring him to push further.
Suddenly, the door to the bathroom creaked open, and Light froze. Footsteps shuffled in, slow and cautious.
"Huh? Is someone in here?" A voice called out softly. Light didn't recognize it—someone from another grade, perhaps.
His breath hitched. They could be caught. All it would take was one wrong move, one sound.
L, however, remained utterly calm, though his gaze never left Light's face. The footsteps retreated after the person dried their hands, leaving them alone once more.
"We'll need to find a better place for this," L said softly, his breath brushing against Light's ear.
"You think?"
They were going to do this more? Light swallowed. His focus was going to be shot.
"I didn't expect it to be busy during class."
The last day before summer vacation.
The day dragged on slowly, but Light found himself spending lunch with L again. And again, it felt dangerous—every subtle look from L pulled Light further into something he couldn't control. L occasionally joked or flashed a rare, weak smile, and each one sent Light lost, deeper.
L had mentioned that Tsuki, his cat, had slept curled up next to him the previous night. The image had been cute, so much that it made Light's chest tighten uncomfortably.
He was losing this battle. L's dark and haunted eyes, the full and pale lips that Light found himself staring at too often—all of it was becoming an addiction. The way L's mind worked, the way he could engage in any conversation as though he was always two steps ahead…
Light pushed open the door to his house, the familiar creak echoing in the stillness as he let his backpack fall to the floor with a muted thud. The silence wrapped around him.
He liked L. Really liked him.
And it terrified him. He was done for.
His mother greeted him warmly. "Light, welcome home."
She waited, expectant.
Right. Report cards had come today.
Light handed them over.
"Perfect scores again!"
Almost. They weren't perfect this time.
"Oh, but—you lost a few marks."
"Yeah," Light admitted, his voice flat. "I'll study harder."
What could he tell her? That he'd been distracted all term because of a rival who had now come to somehow invade his every thought?
"But a ninety-eight percent average! Don't push yourself too hard, Light. Maybe you need to rest."
Rest? He could barely manage to breathe around L, let alone rest.
He needed to beat L. He needed to get L out of his head. Thirty-one dates, that was the plan. Get it all out of his system. And then, maybe he could focus again.
What would his mom even think?
Light hesitated as she stood there, her familiar purple sweater one that she'd owned for many years. Her smile was soft, warm, and he could feel the weight of expectation in her eyes.
"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed.
There was no way he could tell her. Maybe L's grandfather didn't care about him and L dating, but his own parents? They wouldn't understand. Not this.
"You didn't get a perfect score and you're dating a guy?" That was more disappointment, he supposed, than his mother could handle at once.
"I'm going to study for a bit," Light said, retreating upstairs to the safety of his room.
As soon as he locked the door, he collapsed onto his bed.
And then, his phone buzzed in his pocket.
A picture of Tsuki.
'He misses you.'
Light's face warmed, and despite himself, he smirked.
'He does?'
'Yes.'
'He wants you to come over.'
'I have to get ready for our date tomorrow.'
'You have approximately 21 hours.'
'I'm sure Tsuki can wait that long, then.'
'…I'm not so sure about that. He keeps meowing in front of the food you bought him yesterday.'
' Maybe he's just hungry.'
'Already fed him. He didn't want it.'
'You know, I'm kind of busy.'
'Doing what?'
'Trying to get you out of my head, as usual. You're not helping.'
The messages stopped for a moment. Light closed his eyes, trying to center himself, but the tightness in his chest wouldn't leave.
His phone buzzed again.
'I'm also having that problem.'
Light's heart skipped a beat.
L didn't want a relationship—Light knew that—but they were already falling into something out of their control. He should have gone back, should never have sat next to him. Should never have gone to his house —
'What do we do?' he typed, his fingers hovering over the send button. Then he deleted it.
'Meet me at 2 p.m. tomorrow still?'
Should never have risked breaking the routine, that kept him safe. It came with way too many complications. He was losing, and he hated to lose. But he'd also found something, someone, that may be worth winning and his whole world had changed.
'Ok.'