October 2, 1998
She ran her fingertips along the words on her skin, remembering the feeling of when she'd gotten them and when she added the others. She had wanted to make sure that horrid old sentiment of blood purity was turned into something worth keeping.
The poem wasn't long, but it left no room to twist that old family motto into what it was originally intended.
Always Pure was the description for their friends' bravery, their love for one another, and their family's-the one they made themsleves, not the ones they had the misfortune of being born into- hope. Not some warped philosophy on unclean vs. clean blood.
How ironic that would've been on her.
So she buried it between words describing lovers and friends, hidden it in plain sight among sentiments that were actually true. Sentences Sirius would murmur to her as he ghosted kisses over the words on her ribs.
She never enjoyed hearing French so much, as she did hearing him recite those words.
...
September 30, 1979
The streetlights cast a faint glow along the sidewalk. Calandra walked toward the intersection quietly, drawing herself into the shadows. She just had to make it to the intersection. No one knew she'd be here. There was a pay phone and a mailbox at the corner of the sidewalk at the intersection. All she had to do was grab the box out of the post bin and get in the phone booth. Then she could disapparate.
She was safe enough. All the Aurors were being tailed. The Order members were being followed. That's why she volunteered. She wasn't being watched like the rest of them. Even so, she glamoured herself. James said they had ways of detecting the disillusionment charms, so she refrained from it. She needed to seem like an inconspicuous muggle mailing a letter and calling a friend. She took a deep breath and kept going.
She heard footsteps behind her and forced herself to keep a steady pace. She glanced over her shoulder and saw three figures walking in the shadows. She kept going, holding to her wand in her pocket. She stopped at the post bin and took out an envelope. She opened the flap and shoved the envelope in and grabbed the box stuck to the underside of the opening. She put her hand back in her pocket and walked over to the telephone booth. She could see the reflection of the people who were walking behind her in the glass. They were walking straight for her. She turned the handle of the door.
It was locked.
Calandra cursed under her breath then turned down a side path, letting the box fall from her hand in her pocket and reached further down in the fabric for the portkey. Just as her hand found the key in her pocket that would take her to the edge of McAllister Forest she felt a pair of hands grab at hers. Shit.
Her feet hit the ground at an odd angle, and she stumbled. She righted herself and swirled around training her wand on the person who grabbed her, but there was no one there. She turned around once more then whispered "Homenum rev-" but was cut off with a whispered Silencio from beside her. She threw out four nonverbal stunning spells in every direction but hit nothing. She felt her wand fly from her hand and knew she'd been disarmed.
That's okay, she thought. I can do wandless magic, but I'll have to take them all out. Can't risk them side apparating with me. I'll have to wait till I can see them. Have to wait till I can speak.
Calandra stood poised to run when she was struck by a nonverbal binding curse. She fell on her side and when her head hit a rock she winced in pain. She could still get out, she just had to find them. She had to see them.
Slowly, as if they were images popping up on a polaroid picture, she could see them as their disillusionment charms lifted. Three masked figures, black cloaks billowing out behind them. Death Eaters. She heard a chuckle and one of them spoke.
"Thought you could get away that easy? Thought we didn't know your little muggle post trick?"
The voice was coarse and rough and very familiar. Avery.
"Aurors gave you so much training, but you didn't even bring backup?" he sneered.
This Death Eater stomped straight up to her and grabbed her by the hair. He started to speak then pulled her roughly upright staring at her face.
She heard him mutter a revealing charm.
All at once her glamours faded and the eyes behind the mask glittered.
"Well, well, well, well. Isn't this a pleasant turn of events? We came out here expecting Meadows, but we end up with you."
"So tell me, love, where are they?" He whispered. "If you tell me now, I'm sure he'll show you some mercy and offer up a spot. I'll even put in a good word."
She spat at him.
"Have it your way….Crucio" He barked.
Pain. So much pain. She was on fire and she was being stabbed thousands of times. She writhed in her binds and screamed but no sounds came out. Her vision went white and she couldn't feel anything but the pain.
Mercifully it stopped.
Then it started back. She felt like she was being electrocuted. Like she was being ripped in two. She screamed and screamed and screamed in her mind. She wanted to die. Please let her die. Just kill her.
It stopped again. She thought of Sirius. Of his laugh and his eyes and how he'd probably never forgive her for this. Rain spattered her face as she tried to catch her breath.
"Crucio"
She was on fire again. Constantly burning and burning and every nerve ending was ablaze with the pain. She couldn't focus on anything but the pain. So much pain. She felt tears in her eyes.
Finally, it stopped.
"It's not so much fun when you can't hear the screams." she heard him chuckle off to the side and she felt her vocal cords relax.
He ran a hand across her hair and roughly pulled her head up. His breath was hot on her ear when he growled, "Remember, I told you I like it rough, love."
"We don't have much time to play, call for him so he can just search her memories." A different voice said. She wasn't sure who. Whoever he was he was standing further away, as if keeping watch.
"Nah," Avery said. "Bring the kid over here, he's been teaching him. He can do it."
She felt herself being jerked up and felt someone walk up to her.
She looked up into the mask and saw two grey eyes staring back at her. Eyes she looked into every morning. They widened in shock and glanced to Avery.
He sneered, "You'll finally be able to rid your family of that awful blood traitor now Reg."
The Death Eater in front of her nodded.
Sirius was right. They were looking for him.
"Now," Avery spat at her, grabbing her throat. "All you have to do is open your mind and think of where lover boy is. He and Potter are connected at the hip and the Dark Lord has a proposition for them."
She gulped. She was awful at Occlumency. She kept thinking of her childhood home, trying to push back her flat with Sirius.
"We're not together," she choked. "He left me."
No one spoke. The third Death Eater walked towards them slowly. Just a bit closer, she thought, that's all she needed.
Avery looked sharply at the Death Eater kneeling in front of her.
"Well, kid. Is she telling the truth? Put yourself to use."
Grey eyes met hers and she felt something pushing against her mind. She threw up a quick wall, but it was no use.
She felt something like a knife slicing through her mind and her memories were flying by in brief glimpses. Scraping her knee as a child. Climbing the tree in her front yard. Her mother holding her hand to cross the street.
She had to fight it. She'd never be able to get away if she couldn't stay focused.
She felt something shift and newer memories surfaced. James laughing. Alice hugging her. Sirius walking away from her. Her pounding on his door.
"He did." She heard him say. "He left."
"Hmm. Blood not dirty enough for him? Or was it something else? Not willing to put out?"
She heard the third Death Eater laugh at Avery's remarks. She needed him to come closer.
"I bet you know where he is though don't you." Avery sneered, tightening his hand at her throat. "Part of that stupid order of Dumbledore's."
"Not..in…the Order." she gasped, trying to suck in air.
"Well, we'll see about that," He said breathing in her ear. "And if you can't give us what we want, I'm sure we could put you to use in other ways." She felt the tip of his wand poke her throat and he dragged it down across her collar bone to her chest and back up to her face.
He jerked his head and barked, "She's all yours kid, for now. Get to it."
Knives in her mind again.
"Where is he?" Avery growled.
Think of father's house. Think of father's house. Think of father's house.
She tried and tried to think of anything else, everything else, but the knives sliced away her memories. A picture of her favorite window at home flashed in her mind before she could stop it and her heart stuttered. She wouldn't be able to keep him safe. She was looking up at the window from the street in her mind.
Just as the memory started to shift down towards the door to the flat, she saw silver threads wrap themselves around her mind. They wove together, under and over until they formed two words.
Never Tell.
Over and over and over. The words Never Tell clouded her mind and she didn't know what was going on. They wove into the stone around the window until she could see nothing but the square of glass.
She stared up into grey eyes and she saw the words reflected there. Her eyes widened and her jaw fell open. She felt the knives slip away and his eyes held hers for a second longer.
"All I see is that she'll never tell."
Avery cursed and pushed her back.
"Well, we'll just have to take her with us." The third Death Eater stepped forward. "Let Se-
"Stupefy!" she screamed with all the power she had.
They jumped in surprise as it hit them all three and they dropped.
Her binds fell and she acciod her wand. She looked at the Death Eater with the grey eyes for a split second and disapparated on the spot.
...
September 30, 1979
She ran as soon as she saw the house and the barn. She'd apparated to a farm in Wales. It was the first place that popped into her mind. She loved the windmill behind the barn. Her legs pumped as she sprinted towards the fields behind the house. Leaves slapped at her as she ran through the rows of corn. When she was about halfway through the field, she turned on her heel and disapparated again, this time to the safe house.
Calandra stumbled a bit and looked around her. A quiet, still night. No one around, and there very well shouldn't be. There were muggle repelling charms and wards set up to keep others out. She'd been added to the wards earlier that day when they went over plans. She probably couldn't apparate here after tonight, though.
She pushed open the gate and walked up to the house. She knocked on the front door and heard footsteps inside. A faint red light glowed briefly behind the door and she knew they'd cast a shield charm. The door opened and her heart dropped.
Eyes steely and face iced over, Sirius stared at her with his wand out. Beside him stood Alastair Moody and Lily, both with their wands trained on her.
Lily stepped forward.
"What did you conjure for us the night you confided in me about your mother?" she asked.
"Hot chocolate with Bailey's cream." She replied. "In mugs with Labradors on them."
Lily rushed forward and wrapped her in a hug. She wanted nothing more than to crumble to the floor wrapped in the embrace.
Calandra tried to hold herself together. She was falling to pieces in her mind. She threw up shaky Occlumency walls to hold it all in. Lily led her over to a plush couch and made her sit. Every time she blinked, she saw flashes of herself writhing in pain and Avery's hand on her neck.
Moody stalked over and trained his eyes on her.
"You got it?" he asked. She nodded.
"Good work. Hand it over, I have to take it to Dumbledore straight away."
She shoved her hand in her pocket and pulled out the box. She laid it in his hand, and he turned to the others.
"Check her good and make sure she's safe, wherever she goes, they'll be looking for her now." He growled.
He slammed the door and they were alone. She should tell them what happened and leave. Let them do whatever they had to do. He'd be home later, and they could argue, then. He was safe; that's all that mattered. She glanced up at Lily, ready to speak, but Lily was looking at Sirius. Calandra's eyes moved of their own accord; drawn to those grey pools she knew better than her own.
Her walls crumbled. She trembled and felt tears behind her eyes. Her throat felt thick. She couldn't swallow and was trying to breathe. Suddenly she was enveloped in a crushing hug.
"I could kill you." he said against her hair. "You brave, ridiculous thing."
He rocked her back and forth.
She fell apart in his arms. He wasn't supposed to be here tonight. Who knows what he did to James to figure it out? She thought she'd never see him again, never be wrapped up in this embrace. Thought they'd find him.
"Shhh," he whispered. "I've got you, you're safe."
"They were there." She finally managed words. "They were there."
His arms tightened around her and Lily sat on the coffee table in front of her staring at her.
"Death Eaters. How many?" she asked.
"Three. There were three of them. They've disabled the apparition point." She felt for the key in her pocket and held it out. "I had to portkey, but they grabbed hold of me. You'll want to destroy that," she nodded toward the key. "They can only trace where they port to, but still."
They both stared at her incredulous.
Lily broke the silence.
"They were there in the forest with you?" she looked to Calandra's shaking hands. "What did they do to you?"
Calandra looked up into Sirius's eyes and she hated the pain she saw. She knew the look all too well, she saw it reflected in the mirror every time she looked at herself when he was gone with the Order.
Lily waved her wand and plucked a teacup out of the air. She handed it to Calandra and said, "Here, drink this. When you're ready you can tell us everything."
Calandra nodded and looked mutely down at her cup. She didn't want tea. She wanted to forget all that had happened tonight, but she couldn't. They needed to know. Every detail she could give them would help. She sat up and told them what happened.
She told them of the locked phone booth, and of the disillusionment charms they must have used seconds before the portkey took them to the forest. Of how she tried to stun them as soon as she landed and how they disarmed her and bound her.
"They were expecting Dorcas," she said. "He said they were expecting Meadows. You'll need to warn her."
Lily nodded and said, "She already knows they're following her, but I'll make sure she knows they wanted her specifically. What happened next? Did you recognize any of them?"
"Yeah," Calandra said, staring at the teacup in her hand. "Evan Avery was the one who silenced me and bound me. He recognized me."
She felt Sirius stiffen beside her.
"Through the glamours?" Lily asked.
"Yeah…no…I guess. He knew they were glamours and he vanished them. Then he knew exactly who I was." She said and finally took a sip of her tea, just to have something to do.
Sirius had his arm around her shoulders, and he squeezed her arm. She had to tell them the rest.
"When Avery figured out who I was he must've changed his mind about that box. He never mentioned it or even tried to get it. All he wanted was information on you all." She looked up at Lily. "He asked me about the Order, and he wanted to know where Sirius was."
"I spat at him and he took that as a no, then…." She shut her eyes and saw herself in agony. "Then he tortured me. The Cruciatus."
Sirius let go of her and jumped off the couch. He strode to the window and stared out it. His breath came out ragged and he ran his hand through his hair. Lily looked between the two of them with a sad smile on her lips.
Calandra looked up at the window and saw Sirius's shoulders shaking. She set the teacup on the coffee table and walked over to him. His hands gripped the windowsill, his knuckles white.
She reached a hand out to his arm and he flinched when she touched him. He rounded on her and she saw a tear running down his face. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
"I told you. I told you. I begged you not to get involved. I tried to leave. To keep you safe." His eyes burned into hers. "Why didn't you listen to me? You could've died tonight." His hands left her shoulders and he wrapped his arms round her.
His voice was softer as he repeated his last sentence, "You could've died tonight."
She embraced him for a moment, feeling his heartbeat against her cheek, then pulled back.
"But, I didn't." she said evenly.
He let out a breath he'd been holding and shook his head. She grabbed his hand and turned back to Lily.
"He got tired of it after a few minutes. I couldn't scream because of the silencing charm and he made a joke about it not being as much fun. He seemed to know that I wouldn't give anything up like that anyways. It was just a game to him."
She remembered how his eyes glittered when he cast the curse. She shivered.
"One of them wanted to call for someone else. I don't know who. Wanted him to read my mind, but Avery said that other one with them could do it. He called him 'the kid' and said that whoever they'd been about to call had been teaching him."
She looked up and saw Sirius gazing at her face, his eyes guarded. She had to tell him. He knew Regulus had joined; she couldn't not tell him.
"It was Regulus." she said softly.
His face hardened.
"Avery started asking me about you. About where to find you."
She felt him suck a breath in, she forced herself to go on.
"Said that Sirius and James were joined at the hip and Voldemort wanted them. Had a proposition for them."
His eyes never left hers.
"I told them that you left me." she said, bringing a hand up to push the hair out of his face.
She felt his jaw clench under her hand.
"He saw you walking away that day and told Avery I was telling the truth. But Avery was convinced I still knew something. He wanted anything I knew about you all. Told Regulus to try again."
She thought back to that last memory. The silver threads weaving into it. The words she read in those grey eyes.
Never Tell.
Did he mean he would never tell? Or did he mean that she should never tell?
Never Tell.
"All he saw was the window at the flat. The one with the geraniums on the ledge." She smiled a small smile. "We'll need to get rid of those."
He nodded.
"How did you get away?" Lily chewed on her bottom lip.
"The one keeping watch got impatient and said they should just take me with them. Started to say another Death Eater could have a go at me, but I stunned them all when he got close enough. I grabbed my wand and disapparated to the country, then apparated here." She said.
"Bloody Hell." Sirius breathed.
Lily let out an exasperated laugh, "You say that like it's the most normal thing in the world; to stun three death eaters at once. Wandless! While bound!"
"I'm good at wandless magic, you know that." she shot back defensively. "But I wouldn't have had a chance if they'd kept me silent. I had to scream the curse at them to make sure it got them all."
Lily stared at her, then slowly nodded. Sirius broke the silence.
"Reg must be shit at Legilimency. Because you can't occlude worth a damn."
"Yeah, I know." she said quietly.
Lily got up and wrapped her in a warm embrace. "I have to go. I told James I'd be home before midnight. But if you need anything, and I mean anything, I'll be there."
She walked to the coat rack to put her cloak on and turned back to Sirius.
"You're not coming with me tonight. Don't even try to argue with me. I can make it home on my own just fine."
"Prongs will kill me." he muttered.
"You leave James to me." She said, throwing a scarf around her neck. "This little agreement you two have about protecting us ends now. You're right where you need to be."
She gave them a smile and reached for the door, "The wards are already set, just say the password when you leave and be sure to let us know you get home safe."
Sirius watched her go then looked back down at Calandra.
"Come on." he said. "Let's get you home."
He took a step toward the door, but she stood rooted to the spot.
"You're not mad at me?" she asked, bewildered.
"I'm furious." he replied, drawing her into his arms. "But I can be cross later. Right now, I want you safe at home with me."