October 2, 1998
She held herself tightly in the cold room to keep her hands from shaking. It had been years, but she could remember that night like it was yesterday. She'd played it and replayed it hundreds of times in her mind trying to make sense of those silver words.
Was Regulus defying orders because he defected? Or was it simply to protect his brother?
Calandra thought back to that fall and winter. They'd shared Christmas celebrations with James and Lily that year. The whole evening was dotted with talk of the Order. Neither Remus or Peter had seen any further sign of Regulus with the other Death Eaters.
She'd never get answers to her questions. She wouldn't have then if she'd found him either. Dead people can't give those kinds of answers.
...
January 17, 1980
Calandra waited for Alice outside Madam Malkins. She breathed in the cold air and felt refreshed. Shoppers bustled along the street, chattering away to one another. Calandra noticed that almost everyone was shopping or travelling in groups of two or more. No one felt safe enough to go anywhere alone these days.
Calandra sighed and checked her watch. She still had to go to Wizeacre's. The Order needed matching portraits of two different ministry officials and one healer from St. Mungo's by the end of the week. They were quick ways to communicate with each other and perfect lookouts. Hardly anyone thought to check the paintings.
A man in a bowler hat nodded to her as he passed and Calandra absently dipped her head to him, absorbed in her own thoughts of the three portraits she needed to finish by next week. His shoes made her do a double take. Black dragonhide, stamped with gold W's on the bottom of the heel. Those were familiar.
Alice came bouncing out of the shop and interrupted Calandra's train of thought. She handed Calandra a bag and guided them down the street. Calandra peeked into the bag as they walked. Royal blue fabric with glittering silver stars lay nestled in the bag.
"What's this?" Calandra asked.
"A late Christmas gift." Alice said innocently. "What do you think?"
"It's gorgeous." Calandra said. "Is it for Frank's mum?"
Alice wrinkled her nose and laughed.
"Now you're making me second guess myself. It's for you, you ninny."
Calandra peered at Alice in surprise.
"You already got me a Christmas gift." She said. "You ordered me that paint from Italy made from the Mordrecampanula teeth. I showed it to Willy and he's going to start stocking it."
Alice rolled her eyes and gestured to the bag.
"Yeah, but you'll use that for work." She said with a shrug. "I wanted to get you something just for you."
Calandra pulled out the fabric and held it out in the light. The different stars glittered and sparkled in different spots. Silver thread weaved through the blue material in thin lines. Calandra recognized the Libra constellation glinting against the material.
"It's beautiful, Alice." She said and wrapped an arm around her friend.
"Matches your eyes quite nicely, doesn't it?" Alice asked smugly.
Calandra rolled her eyes and folded the material back down into the bag.
"You know this means I get to get you another gift." Calandra pointed out. "And you can't complain about it."
Alice linked her arm through Calandra's as they weaved their way through shoppers and onto a less crowed side street.
"Of course." Alice said. "Fair is fair. I can even give you a few ideas of what I'd like."
"Mmhmm." Calandra murmured, examining a display in the window of Pillywinkles. "And what would they be?"
"Just practical things." Alice said casually. "Blankets, bottles, nappies. You know; those sorts of things."
Calandra's head whipped around. Alice giggled and raised her eyebrows.
"You're?" Calandra gestured toward Alice.
Alice smiled and nodded.
"A complete surprise." She said.
Calandra laughed and scooped Alice into a hug, sweeping her feet off the ground. Calandra felt like crying and laughing and dancing and throwing up; all at once. Alice was going to have a baby!
...
January 18, 1980
Calandra sat at the table smiling to herself. She wrapped her hands around her mug and took a sip of her tea. Alice was going to have a baby. She could hardly believe it. Calandra looked down at the list she'd made.
Nappies
Bottles
Blankets
Baby gowns
Socks
Shoes?
Blankets
Crib
Pram
Dummies
Toys
She'd have to ask Alice if she needed anything else, and what colors she'd like the items to be. She'd happily buy every item on the list. A baby! Calandra couldn't keep herself from smiling. She heard a key in the lock and her smile grew wider. She couldn't wait to share the news with Sirius.
...
January 20, 1980
Calandra took the ministry portrait to the receptionist at the International Relations Division. She levitated it behind her as she took the lift up to the fifth floor. As she stepped out of the lift, she caught a whiff of something that smelled vaguely familiar. It reminded her of the dining room at home when she was young.
It only lasted a moment, and Calandra couldn't quite place it. How odd. She shrugged and walked through the hallway to the receiving room and left the portrait with the secretary. Just two more portraits to finish, this week.
...
January 28, 1980
"I'm terrified." Alice said.
"Why?" Calandra asked, setting a plate of shepherd's pie in front of Alice.
"Apart from the fact that I did not plan this and haven't the slightest idea on how to be a mum." Alice said sardonically. "Just the mortal danger that everyone is in right now. Genocidal wizard on the loose."
Calandra paused pouring the drinks. She'd been in a bubble since Alice had told her a few days ago. She didn't even think about how dangerous the world would be for Alice's baby. Alice and Frank were Aurors. They'd both joined the Order. They'd already been targeted by the Death Eaters.
She handed Alice a glass of apple cider and sat down at the table, thoughts whirring through her mind. Alice pointed to Calandra's plate with her fork after a few minutes.
"You not going to eat?" she asked.
Calandra scooped up some food and took a bite. She tapped her fork against her lips and nodded.
"When is the next Order meeting?" she asked.
Alice looked up in surprise.
"Friday, I think." She said. "You can send the paintings by Sirius if you like."
Calandra nodded absently. She wouldn't have to send anything by Sirius. She'd be there herself. Calandra stabbed a piece of carrot resolutely and crunched it. She'd join the Order and make sure Alice and the baby were safe. She'd tell every single one of them what she was and dare anyone to try to stop her from joining.
...
January 29, 1980
Calandra met Remus for lunch in Hogsmeade the next day. She rushed down the street toward the Three Broomsticks, cursing herself for being late. She bumped into a wizard in dark green robes and gave a hurried apology as she continued down the street. That color green was familiar. It looked almost exactly like the shade Calandra used to paint the shadows of the trees at the pond by the flat.
Calandra shook her head and pushed through the door. Remus waved at her from a table in the corner. He stood up when she made her way to him and kissed her cheek. He pulled her chair out for her and ruffled her hair.
"Be sure to be there on time, she says." He gave her a look.
"I know. I know." Calandra held her hands up. "You have full permission to give me hell over it."
"What did he do?" Remus laughed. "Or do I want to hear about it?"
Calandra gave him a withering look.
"One time." She said. "That happens one time and you've never let me live it down. Next time you bring it up, how about I tell you all the dirty little details; position and all-"
"Please, no!" Remus held up a hand. "I don't want to have to scourgify my ears. I did that enough in school."
"You want to go there, Lupin?" Calandra lifted her chin. "I pretty much lived in that dorm seventh year. At least I had the decency to cast silencing charms."
"Ok. Ok." Remus held his hands up, blush creeping across his cheeks. "Truce."
Calandra sent him a satisfied smirk and picked up a menu.
"He couldn't find his keys." She said. "How'd you know it was him?"
"Please, Callie. I've known the both of you for years." He took a sip of his drink. "You thrive on punctuality, and he thrives on general mayhem."
Calandra laughed and looked over the menu.
"You're one to talk. How many times did I sit in the library, waiting for you to show up and do your portion of our assignments?"
"Not many at first." Remus smiled.
"That was before we were really friends." Calandra rolled her eyes. "After we ate too many Rum Razzies together and ended up tossing our dinners back up in the bushes together, your regard for timeliness went straight out the window."
"They stopped selling them to schoolkids who aren't of age. I still can't look at one without feeling ill." Remus pulled a face. "And people generally overlooked my tardiness."
Calandra rolled her eyes and set her menu to the side.
"And you were a prefect. How disgusting."
Remus laughed and set his menu on top of hers.
"I've missed you, Callie."
"You know you're more than welcome to stay with us." Calandra said. "We've talked about getting a bigger place anyways. You just say the word and its done."
Remus shook his head.
"I'm not doing that to you." he said. "Or to myself."
Calandra rolled her eyes and turned to the waiter that had suddenly appeared.
"I'll have the chicken and veg, please." She said.
"Lunch is on me." She added to Remus and gave him a pointed look.
"I'll have…" Remus glanced at the menu and Calandra fixed him with another look.
"I'll have the roast." he said to the waiter.
"Don't even try to argue." Calandra said, sipping her drink.
"I have gold Callie." He said.
"And so do I." she said. "And Sirius has more than he knows what to do with, even after being disinherited. Makes you a bit sick, doesn't it?"
"There are much more disgusting things about him, besides his gold. Believe me." Remus said.
Calandra smiled and sat forward in her chair.
"There's the Moony I know." She said. "Now that he's back, I can tell you the news."
"What?" he asked, tearing a bread roll in half.
"I'm joining the Order." Calandra said. "And I want you to fill me in on everything that's going on."
...
February 1, 1980
Calandra woke up early Friday morning. She stretched her arms out above her and basked in the warmth of the sunlight shining through the window. Sirius scooted closer to her in his sleep, and Calandra lay there running her fingers through his hair as she thought about everything she had to do that day.
They needed groceries. She'd have to go to the market before lunch. The only food they had in the flat was oatmeal and tins of tomatoes. She'd meant to go out last week but forgot. They'd been throwing together a mish mash of meals or going out to the pub to eat for the last little while.
She had to finish the portrait of Fletcher Bluford. His beard was proving to be quite the pain in the arse. Why couldn't he just comb it and be done with it? What was the deal with all those intricate braids?
She wanted to quiz Sirius about the Order, too. She got a lot of the logistics from Remus, but he'd been travelling for the past few months and didn't know all the latest developments or the most up to date details.
Calandra paused her movements and looked down at Sirius. He hadn't exactly been enthused when she'd told him. But she hadn't exactly been enthused when he'd told her, either. He understood though and supported her. He put in an order for custom made dragon hide coats, cloaks, and gloves straight away and joked that they would practice dueling every evening.
He whiffled a snore in his sleep and Calandra smiled. She dropped a kiss to his cheek and carefully slid out of bed, not wanting to wake him. She dressed, slid a few quid in her pocket, and left him a note in case he woke up before she got back.
Calandra went to the small market down the street and filled a basket with groceries. She was placing tins of beans in the basket when someone cleared their throat. Calandra looked up and her heart immediately started racing. Her father stood a few paces from her, studying the canned goods on the shelf. He turned to her and gave her a frosty smile.
"What do you want?" Calandra asked.
"You don't know?" Johnathon asked curiously.
Calandra turned on her heel and walked away. She went to the produce stand and shoved apples into her basket. He was just trying to intimidate her. The supermarket was full of people; he couldn't do anything here. She'd ignore him and go home. She turned to reach for pears and almost ran into her father.
"Leave me alone." Calandra bit out.
Calandra rolled her eyes and shoved pears into her basket.
"You're still doing your fingerpainting, I've noticed." Johnathon said nonchalantly.
Calandra clenched her jaw.
"Still meeting up with that ragged boy with ghastly scars all over him." Johnathon went on.
Green robes flashed in Calandra's memory. He was there. He was the wizard in green robes.
"I thought the gift from the young Fawcett girl was quite luxurious."
The familiar black shoes. The scent in the elevator. It was him.
"You're having me followed." Calandra swallowed.
"So, you haven't read the letters." Johnathon smirked.
"Just tell me what you want." Calandra said, clutching the basket. "Just tell me what it is, then leave me alone."
"The world is changing, Calandra." Johnathon looked in her basket. "The powerful are rising, and I plan to be one of them. I can't afford setbacks. Setbacks would be detrimental to my future. Setbacks in the form of dirty little secrets. Dirty blood secrets."
Calandra ground her teeth together.
"I have no desire to be a part of your life." She fumed. "Just pretend like you don't know me and leave me the fuck alone."
Johnathon took an apple from her basket and held it up.
"Your existence outside of your place is a setback." He said. "As much as I would love to pretend you don't exist, the fact remains that you do. I have to keep an eye on you, make sure my secrets are safe."
"You think I'd tell anyone?" she spat.
"You already have." Johnathon said. "I'm going to make sure you don't tell anyone else."
"Like hell you will." Calandra spat and shoved the basket toward him. "Just pretend I'm a ghost, Johnathon. Pretend like my little trip to the ocean worked and stay out of my life."
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Calandra." Johnathon grabbed hold of the basket. "You forget your place."
"My place?" she scathed. "You mean some pureblood box you could lock me into. Like you locked her into?"
Johnathon pursed his lips at the mention of Calandra's mother.
"I know the reason you dragged me to all of those society events." Calandra said. "I know that you don't care all that much about blood purity. But you care an awful lot about me, because of her. Because of what she was and because of what I am."
Johnathon's nostrils flared. Calandra knew she was toeing the line, but she pressed on.
"A pureblood marriage is the perfect way to keep a witch in line. A wizard with enough money and power to keep her silent. Lock her away so she can only ever be a beautiful accessory to be brought out and paraded around when it's convenient. The perfect plan to get rid of your little problem without all the scandal murder would bring, right?"
Johnathon pushed the basket into Calandra's stomach.
"You wanted a box to put me in." she spat. "One even sturdier than the one you kept her in. She was more powerful than you, and you hated that. So, you tried to keep us locked away. But she got me out, didn't she? She outsmarted you and you can't risk me doing the same. Too late, Johnathon. I already have."
She stalked away, raging mad.
"Watch the step on the second landing." Johnathon called after her. "They haven't fixed it yet."
Calandra felt a chill run down her spine. She ran through the door of the supermarket and continued running the whole way home. She took the stairs two at a time, past the crumbling step, up to the door of the flat. Her head was pounding when she finally closed the door and locked it. She cast concealment charms and warded the entire flat, shaking.
She ran over to the table and pulled the small red box to her. They tossed all the post in this box. She rifled through the envelopes, pulling out all of the ones with the black wax seal on them. She usually incinerated the letters, but Sirius didn't. He set them aside for her to read. Only he didn't know she didn't read them.
She tore open the envelopes and read the letters. Some were short notes, hardly more than one line. Some were a couple paragraphs long. All in the same familiar handwriting.
It would be in your best interest to cease your 'artistic endeavors' Calandra. There has been talk at the ministry of your talents. Drawing attention to yourself is not the best idea is it? You don't bear up well under scrutiny, do you?
Calandra tossed the page aside and read the next one.
I'll tell you this once, and once only. Conducting yourself the way you do with that disgraced Black boy, will not end well. If you ever hope to join proper society, you will end that charade at once.
I can still secure a betrothal with Evan Avery if you wish, though I've no idea what he finds appealing about you. Perhaps you've used snares such as your mother's. Do write me, Calandra. I await your reply.
The letter in Calandra's hands burst into flames. She breathed deeply and reached for the next one.
My patience has grown thin. You will learn your place in this world, or I will show it to you. I know where to find you.
She ripped the page and pulled the last one from the envelope.
I always know where to find you.
Calandra slammed her fists on the table. She smacked her palms against it and screamed. She shoved everything off the table and ripped the envelopes in half. Sirius came running from the bedroom; hair mussed and his shirt rucked up.
"Cal!" he ran to her. "What's wrong? What happened?"
Calandra breathed heavily as hot tears sprang to her eyes.
"He's following me!" she spat.
She gestured to the letters and Sirius smoothed out a crumpled piece of paper. His eyes scanned the page and he frowned. He picked up the pieces of paper scattered about and put them back together. Calandra felt like pulling her hair out.
A horrible expression passed across Sirius's face and Calandra focused on him. He'd pulled a parchment out of an envelope and was reading it. Calandra had missed one. He looked up at her and swallowed. She strode to the table and picked up the parchment.
I've silenced you before. I do not need magic to do it again.
Calandra dropped the page. Her hand moved to her throat on its own. Sirius gathered all of the parchment and tossed it in the bin. He stood before her and pulled her into his arms. Calandra blinked and tried to listen to his words.
"We have to move." She stammered. "He knows where we live. He'll come for me."
She started shaking and her words came out frenzied.
"He'll come after me and he'll hurt you and he'll take me away."
Sirius tried to calm her down.
"He'll take me away, Sirius. He'll take my voice and lock me up and hurt anyone that tries to stop him."
Sirius held Calandra's face in his hands.
"Cal." He said. "Cal. Listen. Listen to me. He won't. I won't let him."
"He knows!" Calandra shook. "He knows. He always knows where I am."
"Cal. It's ok. We'll-"
"How does he find me?" Calandra asked, wide eyed and frightened.
Sirius pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.
"I don't know." He whispered. "But we'll find out. He won't get you."
...
February 23, 1980
They packed through the night. Alice wrote to Calandra and told her the Order meeting had been postponed, but Calandra was too preoccupied to think about it. She and Sirius moved into a different flat the very next day. Sirius bought it under a false name; a flat in the same building they were already in. James had bought three other flats under false names and left paper trails that led Sirius to two of them. Calandra was hesitant to stay in the same building, but Sirius pointed out that her father expected her to go somewhere different. He'd never expect them to stay.
Sirius warded and concealed the flat himself. They packed everything, shrunk it down, and used the floo to move it all. Calandra added wards of her own as soon as she walked through the fireplace. She soaked Jet Stone in dragon's blood and carved protective runes in it herself. They hung them over each window and door.
Calandra was still wary. She sat up most nights with her back against the headboard, wand trained on the door. She didn't go anywhere without shield charms and concealment charms. She always looked for him. Constantly checked over her shoulder expecting to see him.
She took muggle transportation most places, knowing her father hated it. After about three weeks Calandra was finally getting back to normal. She sat on the train and stared at the posters plastered above the windows. A new slew of passengers boarded, and Calandra felt something touch her legs.
She looked down and found a small black box on her lap. She picked it up and looked around, waiting for someone to say they dropped it. She flipped it over and saw her name written in gold. She swallowed and opened the box with shaking fingers.
Inside, against black felt rested two feathers. Calandra recognized both immediately. One was a canary feather; bright yellow and thin against the black felt. The other was a phoenix feather; crimson and orange and gold. Both feathers were cut in half.
Calandra shoved the lid down on the box. She breathed furious breaths as the train sped along. The message was clear; Calandra was the canary and if she joined, both she and the Order of the Phoenix would be destroyed. The worst part about it was Calandra knew it was true. She'd lead him right to it if she joined. As long as he could find her, the only way she could help the Order was to stay away from it.