Chapter 14: Hidden Trauma

Warning: Mentions of molestation, unwanted verbal harassment, and abuse (not too graphic!)

A bloodcurdling scream breaks through the dark and quiet room of sleeping girls, followed by a few short shrieks. "No! Por favor, no!" one of them cries and Maritza jolts awake when Flaca tosses and turns next to her, hands flying everywhere and accidentally hitting her and Cat, who's on the other side of Flaca. "No, no, no!" Flaca keeps wailing in her sleep. "¡No me toques! Por favor, ¡aléjate de mí!"

Don't touch me! Please, get away from me!

"Flaca, despierta, you're having a nightmare," Maritza tries to calm her as the others stir. She squeezes the taller girl's hand. "Flaquita...estás bien, estoy aquí, estamos todas aquí. It's not real, okay?"

Wake up. You're okay, I'm here, we're all here.

Someone turns on a light and Theresa rushes towards her daughter and kneels down. Cat moves over so Theresa can crawl to Flaca, whose whole body is shaking with sobs of anguish. Tears course down her cheeks and drip off her jaw. Theresa puts one hand on Flaca's upper arm and the other on her forehead, which is perspiring with sweat. She strokes Flaca's hair over and over again. "Oh cariño, estás a salvo, todo está bien..." she assures Flaca in a soothing murmur. "Marisolita, mi bebé, por favor despierta..."

Oh sweetheart, you're safe, everything is alright...my baby, please wake up

Maritza's heart cracks down the middle and shatters into pieces as she watches Flaca suffering through her panic attack. The poor girl appears to be so scared, as if danger were right in front of her, when it actually isn't. It's almost like she's having a night terror, rather than just a bad dream.

"Mamá..." Flaca whispers. "¿Mamá, Maritza? ¿Por qué escuché vuestras voces justo ahora? ¡No dejes que mi monstruo también os atrape!"

Why did I hear your voices just now? Don't let my monster get you, too!

"We're okay, Flaca, we're all okay," Maritza tells her gently and carefully runs her knuckles down the side of Flaca's moist face. "You're fine, you're fine." More tears leak out of her eyes as she whimpers and Maritza wipes them away. Flaca's lips tremble as she tries to press them together. The other girls look on sadly.

Flaca gasps in and out raggedly and rubs her eyes open. Maritza and Theresa help her sit up slowly while breathing sighs of relief. Her hair is a mess and she's as pale as a ghost as she takes a wary glance around the room. "¿Dónde...dónde estamos?"

Where...where are we?

"Tu cuarto. Estás teniendo una pijamada con todas tus amigas," Theresa responds.

Your bedroom. You're having a sleepover with all your friends.

Flaca blinks a few times and visibly relaxes. "Oh...that's good...pensé que estábamos secuestradas."

I thought we were kidnapped.

"Kidnapped?" Maritza asks. "By who?"

"No sé." Flaca shrugs. "Pero, gracias for waking me up, Mari and Mamá."

I don't know, but thanks

"You're welcome," Maritza says with a grin.

"De nada," Theresa echoes in Spanish while smiling softly.

Flaca hugs herself. "I'm sorry for freaking out and waking everyone up at three in the morning."

"Hey, don't apologize, you couldn't help it," Maritza informs her. "We're not mad at you. I promise."

Flaca presses her hand to her heart and beams, her eyes still shining with unshed tears. "Really?"

The girls and Theresa all nod in agreement to Maritza's statement. "Totally," Cat says.

Flaca's face is still glistening with sweat and her cheeks glow bright red. "Oh, thank goodness. I was worried I'm being a terrible host."

"No one would ever think that!" Elena insists.

"Yeah, we were more concerned about you," Daisy chimes in.

"Mm-hm, and it sounded like you were being...murdered," Daya points out.

"You must get hella bad night terrors," Maritza states solemnly. "Though, you didn't seem so...traumatized...the last time I slept over here."

"She's not, usually," Cat informs Maritza.

Flaca shakes her head and sniffles. She puts her hand over her eyes and squeaks as she inhales and exhales. She turns to Theresa and squeezes her mother's hand. "I...I think I owe y'all an explanation for my panic attack."

"Sweetie, no tienes que-"

You don't have to-

"I wanna tell 'em, Mami. They deserve to know," Flaca interrupts Theresa, and Maritza's curiosity only grows stronger. If Flaca hadn't wanted to share anything, though, Maritza would never press for details.

"Okay, if you're sure."

Flaca gulps and squeezes her eyes shut as she visibly shivers. "Exactly one year ago today...I was thirteen...and...and mi Tío Fernando was visiting. When Mami y mis hermanos were sleeping, I-I stayed up to watch soc-soccer with h-him. All of a sudden, while I wa-was making us some dessert in the k-kitchen...h-he put his arms around my waist like he was giving me a hug from behind...a-and then he undid the button...on my jeans...and unzipped...he...he snaked his hands down there...called me a puta...m-my own uncle...he molested me!" At the end of her story, she starts bawling and Maritza is filled with dread at what she's just heard. "That's why I woke up in a cold sweat..." Flaca almost collapses back onto her sleeping bag, but Theresa gathers her daughter in her arms and rocks her back and forth. Maritza's eyes well up with tears and she covers her mouth. She can't speak for a second. The rest of the girls have the same reaction.

Mom and my brothers

"¡Ay dios mío, Flaca, lo siento mucho! He better be in jail!" Maritza finally says.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

"He is. Mami nearly...killed him when she...found out. I had to...work up the courage to tell her," Flaca murmurs between a few sharp hiccups and snivels. "Just give me a hug too, Mari, and the rest of you chicas, ¡por favor, I need you!" Flaca begs, so all the girls put their arms around her in support. When her helpless weeping subsides, they release her as per her request. She kisses her mom's cheek and tells her to go back to bed.

"You gonna be alright now, princesa?" Theresa asks her.

Flaca nods and manages a smile up at her mother. "Sí."

"Okay. Buenas noches, bebé. Te amo." Theresa touches Flaca's nose fondly.

Good night, baby. I love you.

"Buenas noches, Mamá, yo tambíen te amo."

Good night mom, I love you too.

As soon as Theresa leaves the room, Flaca grabs ahold of Maritza's hand and then Cat's. "Do you girls all swear not to tell nobody my story?"

"Yes," they say collectively.

"Gracias, chicas."

They snuggle up to Flaca and fall asleep again within a couple minutes. Thankfully, the rest of the night is peaceful. She doesn't even seem to remember it the following morning.

Blanca and Maritza read Black and Blue together the next day so they can both try to heal. That Saturday night, Blanca lays in bed and closes her eyes. The thought of Dean hunting them down and finding them won't leave her mind. Her tears build up, creep out of the corners of her eyes, spill across her cheeks, and blend into her hair. Her mind travels to the first time she was really afraid of her ex-husband.

Blanca pants heavily and keeps her eyes on him. He likes her watching him. Dean thrusts harder and faster into her. "I'm gonna fuck you until lunch!"

She whimpers and bites her lip so she won't shriek. "Oh."

He comes inside of her again and groans. "That feels so fucking good! You're so tasty!"

Blanca wonders to herself if it's almost lunchtime yet. She hopes her orgasm sounds real. She stays on the floor as he puts his clothes back on. When he's gone, she hurries to get herself dressed again. She runs to the girls' bathroom, sobbing all the way, and hides there.

Blanca rushes back to the supply closet just minutes later, scared that he's come back and is expecting her to be in their special hiding spot. She peels off some of her clothes and almost screams when she's grabbed from behind.

"Blanca, shhh, it's just me!" Dean keeps her from collapsing on the floor. "We still have a few more hours...and I found out that I failed my Chemistry test." He flexes and relaxes his muscles. "I'm so disappointed in myself..."

Blanca massages his shoulders gently and presses a kiss to his back. "You'll do better next time. I believe in you."

Dean spins around angrily and knocks her to the ground with his fist. "It would have been better if you helped me, you bitch!" It's numb where he's hit her, but she guesses a bruise will form there. Dean grits his teeth and she shields herself. "Of course you didn't, though, because you're a dumbshit!"

He wraps his hands around her neck. She starts gagging.

"Let me go..."

"I can't let you go! You belong to me! You're mine!"

He's choking her now; she can't speak. He finally regains his sanity and his wild expression goes back to normal. His hands leave her neck and she gasps deeply, trying to catch her breath. She's about to pass out.

"Fuck, babe, I'm sorry..." She tucks her legs beneath her while coughing and holds herself for protection.

"I know...you didn't mean it. You've had a rough time in school. I don't blame you. Being a fifth-year senior is hard." She wills herself not to cry. He helps her up and they go outside for lunch.

Blanca sits down and tries not to look pained. "Did you have fun?" Dean whispers in her ear. He pulls her closer to him. The stinging sensation is still there, all over her mouth. She's afraid to see the damage, because she'd coughed up blood into a napkin.

"Yes I did," Blanca responds. It hurts to talk.

The next day, it happens all over again. Dean's foot collides into her side when she doesn't have a good enough orgasm.

She holds her girls closer to her and cries silent tears.

Karla and Ramón, Lila and James, Alison and her husband Hassan Abdullah, and Lida and Vasily are on a quadruple date at the Russian bakery on a Sunday evening. They're all discussing their kids, work, and the latest playdate that Alison's three-year-old daughter Farah just had with Karla's son, Benji. They were at the park with their moms practically all day.

"They're just a really cute pair of friends...I wouldn't be surprised if they're connected for life!" Alison points out.

"Aw, yeah, that would be great, Masha Allah," Hassan tells her.

The others nod while beaming.

"Well, let's see..." Galina comes up to them and points to each couple. "Married. Married. Married." She stops at Lida and Vasily and whacks the back of her son's head. "Not married! What are you doing?! Put a ring on that girl's finger already!"

"Maaaaa!" Vasily whines. "Stop pressuring me, I'll do it when I'm good and ready! I'm only twenty-eight."

"So what?" Lida snaps. "That's no excuse! What, are you waiting around for someone better to come along? We've been dating for five years, Vasily!" She aggressively points to her ring finger. "I'm fucking waiting! I'll be thirty very soon! The clock is ticking."

"Listen to her, stupid," Galina reprimands him, and Alison stifles a giggle while sharing an amused look with her husband. "I want grandchildren as well." The other couples look on in astonishment and Vasily appears to be embarrassed. Lida smirks triumphantly.

"Hassan and I tied the knot and had our little girl when I turned twenty-three, right outta college, we knew we wanted to be together forever," Alison says, and Lida hi-fives her.

"Take a hint from me, buddy, pop the question!" Hassan claps Vasily on the back and grins at him.

"That's right, and we married as soon as we graduated in ninety-two!" Lila gestures to herself and James.

"It's not like any of us are getting any younger!" James puts in. He turns to Vasily. "Don't lose your girl over this, my brotha."

Lida glares at Vasily. "Yeah, homeboy!"

Karla exchanges a sorrowful glance with Ramón. "I wish we'd waited, so Blanca could've been my maid of honor." She didn't have one, since she would never replace Blanca. Flaca had been the flower girl when she was ten and Theresa, Aleida, Lila, Layla, Lida, and Alison her bridesmaids, but that's it.

He tenderly places his hand over hers. "Mi amor, you had no idea when or if she'd ever return. No one did. We had to go on with our lives."

Karla smiles at her husband and leans her cheek in her hand. "You always know what to say. It's comforting...but I just can't help but regret that she's missed out on so much."

"We can always renew our vows, mi corazón. She'll be a major part of it then."

Karla raises an eyebrow. "You'd really do that?"

"For you, I'd do anything." Ramón leans over the table and holds her face as they kiss passionately while moaning. She loves being in their little bubble and the fact that they've enjoyed each other since they were high school sweethearts.

"Oh my god, get a room!" Lila complains, breaking them from their romantic moment.

"Sorry about our public display of affection, but we barely get time to ourselves with a three-year-old son in the house," Karla insists. "It's great that Blanca and Maritza were able to watch him tonight...he likes to play with Raiza, too."

"Yeah, and besides that...I just saw you-know-who outta the corner of my eye," Ramón jerks his head in the direction of the counter that Nicky's father is walking to.

"Oh...that was so long ago, he doesn't bother me anymore," Karla mumbles. The truth is, she still gets a shiver down her spine just thinking his name. "I doubt he even remembers what went down."

"What?!" Galina hisses. "That pig fucker!" She storms up to him and pushes him hard. "Where is your daughter?! I haven't seen her in weeks!"

"Nicky fell off the wagon as soon as she finished senior year at New York University." Galina's eyes widen in horror and a shock goes to Karla's system. She can tell the others are dismayed by the news as well. Nicky had been such a great girl with lots of potential, she'd gotten herself into some trouble but was working hard to get back on track and she even majored in Psychology. It shouldn't have surprised Karla that Nicky's heroin addiction prevailed, though, because it's a sickness that no one, not even Galina, could've stopped.

"Well...do you have any idea of where she could be?" Galina asks in a panicked voice. "Please say rehab..."

"We wasted our hard-earned money on that! She's nowhere to be found. She must have partied hard all summer and by Halloween, she pretty much blasted off the face of the Earth!"

"Then send out a missing persons report like I've been doing!" Galina hisses. "Don't come back in here until that's finished."

"We did everything for that ungrateful brat. So whatever she's up to, is no longer our problem."

"You're giving up on your own daughter?" Karla slams her hands on the table while standing up. She's infuriated and even if just looking at him makes her shaky, she gives him an icy glare. "Fuck you, asshole."

"You could have about fifteen years ago, mamacita," he says cockily as he makes his speedy exit. She freezes in place and just watches Ramón growl and rush out of the bakery with his hands balled into fists.

"Karla, just ignore that creep, he's trying to get under your skin, okay? He and his wife failed their daughter, so he wants to make other people miserable..." Alison's voice trails off and others join in, but she can no longer hear them.

A limousine pulls up next to twenty-year-old Karla as she's walking down the street and Les Nichols gets out. "I want to thank you again for taking care of our Nicky," he tells her while shaking her hand with both of his.

"Oh, no problem! She's adorable and so well behaved!" Karla says. He brings her in for a hug, so she awkwardly returns the gesture, but her arms fall back to her sides a second or two later. His, however, are still around her and she feels uncomfortable. "Uh...I gotta go, Mr. Nichols. See ya later."

"Right, right..." He finally releases her and she steps back. "Would you maybe like to go out sometime?"

"You mean with your family to watch Nicky? I'd love to! She's in that talent show, right? She's got a great voice already..."

"No, I mean..." He licks his lips while staring at her. "Just the two of us...alone. I really like you, and I know you feel the same." Grasping her hand, he kisses it, but she pulls it away from him quickly.

"Uh...no, um, that would be totally inappropriate! I'm only twenty and I work for your family, that's all. Plus, you're married, I've been dating Ramón since I was sixteen...and I wouldn't do that to Nicky." Even if Marka is a bitch, she will never go for Les, not in a million years. He's way too old for her and she already has a special someone. She would never want to be a home-wrecker. Her mother didn't raise her that way.

"Married?" Les scoffs. "She's known about me going with other successful and attractive women for years. Why do you think I'm asking you for a date? Maybe if you didn't dress like a slut, I wouldn't get the wrong message! You're fucking hot, and I thought you were into me, considering how sexy you always look."

By now, Karla is so squeamish and feeling very angry, almost to tears. "You stay far away from me!" she yells, loud enough that people are looking in their direction. "I'm your child's babysitter! That's it! I'm not your damn prostitute!"

"Hey, now come on, don't get all worked up. I would hate to discuss it with Marka and then have us both fire you for incompetence. I was just flirting with you, no harm done." Karla quickly breaks into a sprint, leaving him standing there. He's so gross, she's considering quitting, but she enjoys sitting for Nicky. She wants to tell someone, but since it's not illegal to make perverted comments, he won't go to jail, unfortunately. She just wants to vent to her friends and Ramón, but the girl she really wishes were here, is Blanca. She gets tired from running so fast and her heart beats at a rapid pace as she breathes heavily. She begins sobbing as she collapses, down, down a brick wall, and then sits against it on the pavement, holding herself. "Please...I need you, Blanca. Por favor, te necesito..." she repeats in Spanish between cries of anguish.

Karla comes out of her flashback, panting hard. She's aware of someone's hands on her shoulders and looks up to see that they're Galina's. The rest of her friends come into focus and then Ramón jogs back in. "Oh, mi Karla, lo siento, I kicked his ass, but he puts up a good fight."

"¡Ay dios mío!" Karla sobs as he gets closer to her. She melts into his embrace. "Gracias...pero, you're developing a shiner there! Estúpido..."

"I'll get some ice in the back," Galina announces.

Ramón kisses her temple and then her cheek where a tear is falling. "Solo estoy tratando de protegerte, cariño. ¿Estás bien?"

I'm just trying to protect you, darling. Are you okay?

Karla nods feverently. She swoons at his protectiveness, but she's afraid it could get him into serious issues one day. "Sí, sí...do y'all think I should tell Blanca? I wouldn't know how to bring it up..."

"You can if you want to," Lida says.

"I just thought I healed from that," Karla mumbles brokenly. Galina returns with the ice and hands it to Ramón, who thanks her in Spanish and presses it to his eye while keeping his free arm securely wrapped around Karla.

"Oh, honey, the smallest things can trigger past negative experiences. Him making that snide comment was totally uncalled for!" Lila states.

"I'll get a restraining order against him coming in here," Galina says strongly.

"Yeah, and you won't ever be alone with him again, so he can't touch you," Ramón puts in.

"Blanca will not judge you in the slightest. Go ahead and open up to your bestie if you're comfortable," Alison recommends.

Karla sniffles and her cries die down. "Okay, I will."

She can't stop worrying about Nicky, though-or any of the young women who are missing. They're lost out there in the world, going through probably terrible things, wandering aimlessly without anyone's guidance, and the fact that three of them were some of the many little girls she used to babysit, makes it all the more frightening and upsetting. She would die before anything like that happened to her sons.

Blanca always wonders how and why Dean had become so cruel. What had changed between them, what did she do wrong? Had she offended him and he never discussed it with her in a civilized manner? She has no idea, but she barely has time to concentrate on her past, what with Maritza already having problems in school and her starting her new job at Friendly's. She notices, that over the past few days, her hands have been shaky when handling plates, and she's stumbled quite a few times. One of the chefs quit, much to her annoyance, and the only open position is still a waitress job. She's careful about going in and out of the doors that are between the kitchen and the restaurant. She's afraid to bump into anyone, because someone might be cranky and blow a fuse if she accidentally hits them with the door.

"Flores! Customer at table nine wants his food...now!" a co-worker barks at her one Monday afternoon.

She jumps as someone comes through the backroom doors and she hears plates crashing. Muttered apologies are exchanged, and she cautiously steps over the broken shards. She uses her back to open the door and gives the customer his meal.

"Would you like anything else, sir?" she asks.

"Just you, nothin' else really."

Blanca leaves immediately, ignoring his excuse that he's just joking. She leans on the door and attempts catching her breath. Diane asks her if she's okay and she nods weakly.

Blanca is woken up by a kick in the back. She gasps in pain and rubs her eyes.

"Make breakfast," Dean grunts.

That used to be how all her mornings would start, but that's no longer the case. She focuses on taking people's orders instead of just standing there and freaking out. She fixes her bun so that no stray hairs are hanging around her face. She likes everything neat and tidy, which contradicts her life greatly.

Thanks for reviewing, MsSchneeheide and Juliette45!