Evan woke up one morning in a foul mood. Every day since the start of the summer, the most beautiful girl came to town, but she always ditched him for another boy.
But that was gonna change. He would make sure of it.
Evan went downstairs to get some breakfast. Someone was sitting at the dining table, someone he didn't expect.
He was a forty-year-old man with a small beard. He wore a nice suit and tie, with fitting pants.
"Hey Evan," he greeted.
Evan approached the man and hugged him.
"Hey Dad," Evan said. "How was it?"
"It was great," his father replied. "My one-hit album is a smash hit. The song's so good that you could sing it to whoever you want and they'd instantly fall in love with you. My team and I sold a million copies in just two days."
He took out a CD case with a black cover. It almost looked like the cover of a Necronomicon. He handed it to Evan.
"I'd like you to have this," he said.
Evan took the case and looked at it. The memory of what his father said repeated over and over.
"The song's so good that you could sing it to whoever you want and they'd instantly fall in love with you."
Evan smiled a small wicked smile.
"Thanks, Dad," was all he said.
Dipper and Wendy were watching security footage of things that happened in the Mystery Shack.
On screen, a customer was showing Stan a yellow t-shirt with a question mark on it.
"Do you have this t-shirt in my size?" he asked.
Wendy muted the footage right as Stan was about to speak.
"I have something even better," she imitated.
On screen, Stan turned around and leaned forward to reach into a box.
"Behold, my butt," Wendy imitated.
Dipper and Wendy laughed at the dub.
"I could play this game forever," Dipper whispered.
"What'd you say?" Wendy asked.
Dipper realized he was caught. He had to come up with something.
"Coughing!" he shouted before faking a cough. "I was coughing! Those weren't words!"
Dipper heard a familiar laugh. He turned around to see Mabel there.
"What you two have is cute," she said.
"Mabel, how long have you been standing there?" Dipper asked.
"Don't worry about that. Let's talk about why I'm doing this dance."
Mabel gestured to the tap dance she was doing. Dipper got worried.
"Oh no, she got into the smile dip again," he panicked.
"Wrong 1000," Mabel replied. "It's because today is the greatest day of my life."
Mabel threw a calendar at Dipper. He barely caught it.
On the back of the calendar was a poster showing four boys that appeared to be late teens to early adults. It read, '4*TOWN, Gravity Falls Civic Center'.
"4*TOWN is playing at the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet," Mabel explained.
"You mean that boy band that came a decade too late?" Dipper asked as he remembered that earworm of a song. "Mabel, you know all boy bands are fake, right?"
"Dipper's right," Wendy added. "They're just a manufactured product of the bloated corporate music industry."
"You're making my dance sad," Mabel whined.
Dipper ignored that statement. "There's probably a machine that mass-produces them."
Wendy laughed. "Or maybe the boys are grown from pods."
"You both can't ruin this for me," Mabel said. "I have backup." She heard a knock on the door. "And there it is now."
Mabel went to the door and opened it. Evan was there, smiling nervously.
"Hey Evan," she said. "Where are Candy and Grenda?"
"They're falling behind," Evan replied. "Say, while we wait, I just got a new CD. Do you happen to have a CD player?"
"Do I?"
It took a while, but Mabel eventually came down with a CD player.
Evan took out the CD case. He looked at it nervously.
After a while, he took a breath.
"Let's hope this works," he told himself.
Evan inserted the CD to the player and pressed play. He took a breath, and started to sing.
When I think about you, I feel feelings so deep
I'm tossing and turning, and you know I'm losing sleep
And I know I'm going crazy, when I look into your eyes,
Just listen to this song, and you'll be hypnotai-ai-zed.
Mabel looked like she was about to fall asleep. She rubbed her eyes and smiled at Evan.
"Evan, I never realized how handsome you were," she said in a way that sounded wrong.
Evan didn't think much of it, though. He finally got what he wanted. For the first time since the start of the summer, he felt truly happy.
"Hey, kid!" a voice shouted.
Evan turned to see a goth teenage boy wearing a black hoodie with a blood red heart, and tight blue jeans.
"I saw what you did there," the teen said, causing Evan to back away in fright. "How much for that CD?"
Evan sighed in relief.
"You can have it for free," he replied. "I don't need it anymore."
Evan gave Robbie the CD.
"Thanks kid," Robbie smiled the best smile he could.
Play Gravity Falls Intro Music
A bus stops in the small town of Gravity Falls. Dipper and Mabel get off the bus. In front of them is the town's star attraction, The Mystery Shack. Their great-uncle, Stan, invites them inside.
The twins look around the shack. They're both curious about everything.
Later, the Pines investigate a strange footprint with four toes instead of five. None of them realize they're standing in a much larger footprint.
DIPPER
Dipper looks around a cave holding a candle for light. He comes across a strange skeleton that scares him. He drops his candle, getting rid of his only source of light.
MABEL
Mabel stands in a room wearing a purple sweater with stars, her name, and a rainbow. She plugs an outlet into her sweater, causing it to glow.
STAN
Stan tells the twins, Wendy, and Soos a scary story. Soos and the twins are terrified while Wendy is completely unfazed. However, none of them notice the scary creature behind them.
WENDY
Wendy sits in front of the cash register, minding her own business. She doesn't notice the nearby jar of eyeballs turning to face her.
SOOS
Soos spins around the living room wearing multiple jewels on his clothes. Mabel shines a flashlight, and the light reflects off of the jewels creating a beautiful lightshow.
Dipper and Mabel lay in their room. Mabel reads a girl magazine while laying on the floor. Dipper reads a journal while laying on his bed. After a second, everyone and everything begins to float off the ground. Dipper is the only one who notices something off.
End Intro
One Cruel Summer
Chapter 12
Boyz Crazy
Dipper watched some footage of Robbie entering the gift shop.
"Hey, is this the fingerless glove store?" he imitated. "I'm Robbie and I like dumb things."
The footage wasn't old. It was live. Robbie was offended by the statement.
"Ha ha ha, laugh it up, chief," he said before turning to Wendy. "So Wendy, Lee and Nate are going to Lookout Point this weekend. Maybe we should go too."
SLAP!
Wendy slapped Robbie hard on the cheek.
"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "First, you tried to kill Mabel's pet pig with no hesitation, then you got into an argument with Dipper even though you know I don't like it when people argue, and instead of apologizing, you want me to go to Lookout Point?"
"I'll just be over here," Dipper said as he entered the back.
He opened the door ajar and peeked.
"Look, Robbie," Wendy continued. "I'm not sure this relationship's working. Maybe we should see other people."
Dipper closed the door and cheered as quietly as he could. He noticed Waddles and hugged him tightly.
"Whoa, whoa," he heard Robbie say. "Before you do anything crazy, I want you to hear this."
Dipper watched as Robbie took a CD out of a strange case. He inserted it into the nearby CD player.
"I wrote this song just for you," Robbie said.
He pressed play, took a breath, and started to sing.
When I think about you, I feel feelings so deep
I'm tossing and turning, and you know I'm losing sleep
"Yeesh," Dipper muttered. "How much cornier can he get?"
And I know I'm going crazy, when I look into your eyes
Just listen to this song, and you'll be hypnotai-ai-zed.
Wendy turned around. The frown she had earlier turned to her usual smile.
"You know, maybe I was being a little hasty," she said. "I'll give you another chance."
Wendy leaned forward and kissed Robbie on the cheek. She then went to the backroom to get her coat.
Dipper approached Robbie, fury in his eyes.
"Alright, Robbie, I saw that weird CD," he said. "What the hell are you up to?"
"It's called romance, kid," Robbie replied. "It's something you'll never understand."
Wendy came out with her coat.
"I can't believe you wrote that for me," she said.
"I know," Robbie replied. "I'm just insanely talented."
Robbie and Wendy walked out of the shack. Robbie forgot to take out the CD.
Dipper got curious. He took out the CD and examined it.
Meanwhile, Evan, Mabel, Candy, and Grenda were at the 4*TOWN concert.
"Alright girls, and boy," Candy said. "Have you all practiced your obsessed boy band scream?"
Grenda's scream sounded like she was being hit by a car.
Evan's scream sounded really fake.
Mabel had the best scream out of all of them. It was right in Evan's ear.
McGucket showed up and did his own hillbilly scream.
"Let's pretend that didn't happen," said Evan.
The quartet got their tickets and entered the stadium.
Back at the shack, Stan was stacking brown meat for the apocalypse. Dipper was pacing back and forth with the CD.
"What's with the pacing, kid?" Stan asked. "You look even more freaked out than usual."
"I don't know," Dipper replied. "You wouldn't understand."
Dipper was about to leave, but Stan grabbed him and had him sit down.
"Try me," he said.
"This is gonna sound weird," Dipper said. "But I think Robbie might be brainwashing Wendy with music."
"I've seen this before. Her name was Carla 'Hot Pants' McCorkle. Me and Carla baby would cut a run together at The Juke Joint, our favorite 50s-themed 1970s diner, then one day, this new-age tree-hugger starts playing this transcendental hippie music. Carla's hot pants turned into bell bottoms before I even knew it happened. My memories got a little hallucination-y at the end, but you get the gist."
"So you actually believe my theory?"
"You're darn right I do, and we're gonna get to the bottom of it, right after I get to the bottom of this brown meat."
The kids managed to get front-row seats. They sat in excitement as the band got onto the stage.
Play "Nobody Like U" from Turning Red
Aaron T:
I've never met nobody like you
Had friends, and I've had buddies, it's true
Aaron Z:
But they don't turn my tummy the way you do
I've never met nobody like you
All:
You're never not on my mind, oh my, oh my
I'm never not by your side, your side, your side
I'm never gonna' let you cry, oh, cry, don't cry
I'll never not be your ride or die, alright
Robaire:
Let's call it what it is, it's a masterpiece
Got a whole lotta love for them city streets
Tonight, is the place to be
Got a big boom box and a new CD
Jesse:
Come on, everybody, let's tear it up
If you want mad skills, you can share with us
I want everybody to stop and stare
And you know why, it's me
All:
You're never not on my mind, oh my, oh my
I'm never not by your side, your side, your side
I'm never gon' let you cry, oh, cry, don't cry
I'll never not be your ride, or die, alright
Li-li-li-like you
Li-li-li-li-like you
Li-li-li-li-li-like you
Like you, like you
Li-li-li-like you
Li-li-li-li-li-li-like you
Li-li-li-li-like you
Like you, like you
Tae:
I've never met nobody like you
Had friends, and I've had buddies, it's true
But they don't turn my tummy the way you do
I've never met nobody like you
All:
You're never not on my mind, oh my, oh my
I'm never not by your side, your side, your side
I'm never gonna' let you cry, oh cry, don't cry
I'll never not be your ride, or die, alright
End "Nobody Like U"
When the song was over, everyone cheered as loud as they could.
Stan finished chugging a can of cola.
"You see, Dipper," he explained. "Music has subliminal mind-control hidden in it all the time. If you listen closely, even the music I play in the gift shop has subtle hidden messages."
"You mean when the soft music is interrupted by you screaming 'BUY MORE KEYCHAINS!'?" Dipper retorted.
Stan looked away, sweating. "Uh, anyway…" He pulled out a record player. "If you want to hear the mind-controlling messages, you gotta slow down the record."
Stan took the disc and inserted it to the record player. He inserted the needle to the spinning disc. All that came out were screeches and sparks.
"We're doing something wrong here," Stan said. "But I can't put my finger on it."
Evan and the girls left the concert.
"That might be the best concert ever, right girls?" Evan said before turning to Candy and Grenda. They had concerned looks on their faces. "What's wrong?"
"Evan, I don't know if you've noticed, but…" Candy was about to say, but she stopped herself.
"Mabel has been looking at you and only you since we got here!" Grenda yelled.
Evan turned towards Mabel. She was looking at him with a smile on her face. He couldn't help but feel a little disturbed himself.
"Well, I can't hide it any longer," he said as he took Mabel's hand. "Mabel and I are dating."
Candy and Grenda looked at each other, before turning back to Evan.
"Anyway, it's getting late," Evan said as if nothing was wrong. "We gotta head home. See you tomorrow."
Evan and Mabel turned around and left the stadium. They weren't heading home. They had somewhere else in mind.
Dipper just finished transferring the CD recording into a record.
"Alright," he said. "Took forever, but it was worth it. Now we can slow it down to see if the mind-control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown."
Stan put as much soda as he could into his mouth, ready for a spit-take.
Dipper played the record and slowed it down. It just played the same song, just slower.
Stan swallowed his soda. "This isn't spit-worthy! What gives?"
"This was stupid!" Dipper yelled at himself. "Of course there was no secret message! Wendy just likes the song! She just likes Robbie!"
They heard the door open. They saw Wendy passing by.
"Hey, Dip," Wendy said. "Forgot my keys."
Robbie just stood there.
"What's up, junior?" he said. "Are you trying to come up with an equation to make girls like you?"
Dipper just stared at Robbie with as much contempt as he could muster.
Wendy came back.
"Ready to go to Lookout Point?" she asked.
"Am I?" Robbie replied. "Later dorks. Catch you on the rewind."
"I'll rewind your face!" Stan threatened.
"Wait a minute, rewind," Dipper realized.
He went to the record and made it move backwards. It went…
You are now under my control
Your mind is mine
Stan spit as much soda as he could onto Dipper.
"Holy mackerel!" he shouted. "There's your spit take!"
"I knew it!" Dipper cheered before realizing the seriousness of the situation. "Oh god, I gotta save Wendy!"
"Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face!" Stan said. "Let's roll!"
Stan and Dipper ran out to catch up to Wendy and Robbie.
Mabel and Evan were eating at Greasy's Diner. This was Evan's first date, so he was really nervous.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" he asked.
"We can always talk about you," Mabel replied in a flirty tone.
"But… we've been talking about me on the way here. There are things I want to talk about other than myself, you know."
"But you're everything I want to talk about, gorgeous."
Evan blushed at that statement. He wanted to argue, but he knew that he put himself in this situation. He knew there was no going back. If he wanted to be with Mabel, he had to go along with this.
Stan and Dipper were speeding down the road to Lookout Point.
"We gotta warn Wendy about that song before it's too late!" Dipper shouted.
"Road safety laws, prepare to be ignored!" Stan shouted.
Stan swerved down a no vehicle path.
Robbie and Wendy sat in the car admiring a nice view. No one else was there.
"Wow, Lee and Nate didn't show up," Robbie said in fake shock. "Guess it's just you and me. This isn't what I was planning at all."
Stan and Dipper managed to reach the top of the hill from the steep road.
Dipper got out of the car.
"Wendy, Robbie's been lying to you!" he shouted.
Wendy rolled down the window.
"Dipper?" she asked.
"Kid, Mr. Pines?" Robbie reacted.
"That's Mr. Pines to you!" Stan yelled.
"That's what I said."
"Wendy, you gotta hear this," Dipper said.
Dipper played the cassette he recorded. It just played the song regularly.
"There's a message in there, I swear," Dipper said.
"Let me just close the window," Robbie said as he reached for the button to raise the window.
"Wait, here!"
They got to the part with the song in reverse.
"Robbie, what's that doing in our song?" Wendy asked.
"Baby, I promise, I don't know anything about those messages," Robbie replied. "In fact, I didn't even write that song."
Dipper expected Wendy to be angry, but for some reason, she wasn't.
"That's fine," she said uncharacteristically.
Dipper realized what this meant.
"We're too late," he said to himself.
He walked away sadly. He looked at the CD. The sadness he felt knowing he'd never have Wendy turned to hatred towards Robbie for taking her away from him. He took all that frustration out on the CD, throwing it to the ground, and stomping it until it was broken into a million pieces.
When he was done, he panted and turned around. Both Stan and Robbie were shocked knowing what Dipper did. Wendy looked like she was having a headache.
When she opened her eyes, she looked at Robbie, furious.
"YOU!" she screamed.
"Wendy," Robbie reacted, having no idea what was going on. "Are you good?"
"No, I'm not good! You said you wrote a song for me, but you were just doing it to force me into loving you! Dipper was right! I don't know what I saw in you that made me want to date you! You're a liar and a creep!"
"I know, I know, I lie about a lot of stuff, like using your makeup and fighting a bear..."
"No! You know what? It's over, Robbie! We're through! Goodbye!"
Wendy got out of the car and walked away.
"We won!" Stan cheered. "This is a victory for every guy whose hands are too weak or fat to play a musical instrument!"
"I couldn't have done it without you, Grunkle Stan," Dipper replied.
Dipper turned to Wendy. He noticed her rubbing her face with her arm. He realized he made a huge mistake.
Dipper ran after Wendy to make sure he was okay.
Stan noticed Robbie still in his car, bawling his eyes out.
"If it makes you feel better, the apocalypse is coming soon," Stan joked. "Bury your gold. You've been buying gold, right?"
"Oh, and my dad's a musician," Evan explained. "He's the one who wrote the song I…"
He stopped when he noticed Mabel holding her forehead as if it was aching.
"Mabel, are you okay?" he asked.
Mabel opened her eyes. She stared at Evan, angrier than she ever felt before.
"Okay?" she reacted. "I'm livid! What is wrong with you?! What is wrong with boys?! You only think about yourselves! You should just leave me alone!"
Mabel headed for the exit. Evan got up and tried to go after her. Mabel turned around.
"Don't!" she warned.
Mabel turned back around. Evan tried to move a step forward.
"I see you!" Mabel yelled.
Mabel opened the door and ran out of the diner.
Susan approached Evan.
"And what would you like to drink?" she asked.
"I won't have anything," Evan replied. "I'm not hungry anymore."
Evan walked out of the diner. He noticed Mabel running off, crying. He wanted to go after her, but he knew that would be a bad idea. He made a huge mistake, and now he had to live with the consequences.
Dipper ran down the hill to catch up with Wendy. He pushed past all the trees and undergrowth in his way.
After a while, Dipper found Wendy sitting under a tree. She was crying while burying her face in her knees.
Dipper felt nothing but guilt for what he did. He may have saved Wendy, but he hurt her as well.
Dipper took a step forward. He hesitated.
Wendy looked up with blood-red eyes.
Dipper took another step. He spread his arms out.
Wendy jumped towards Dipper and wrapped him in her arms.
Dipper was almost knocked off balance, but he managed to steady himself. He felt a nice, warm sensation when Wendy hugged him. He didn't care about that though. All that mattered to him at that moment was keeping Wendy company.
"It's gonna be okay, Wendy," he assured. "It's gonna be okay."
A.N.
I've delayed it long enough, but now I finally have to do one of the lower episodes.
Like I said before, there's no such thing as a bad Gravity Falls episode, but I understand why Boyz Crazy is dunked on. Even Mabel defenders can agree that she wasn't at her best in this episode.
As a result, I replaced the A-plot of the episode. Instead of the boy band being the central plot, the plot is Evan finally trying to make his move with Mabel, and failing miserably. From the beginning, I was planning an Evan-centered episode with this premise to replace the A-plot of Boyz Crazy. It did go through a few phases, like one scenario where Evan and Gideon fight for Mabel's honor, just for her to reject both of them similar to the end of Mario Odyssey where Peach rejects Mario and Bowser.
Needless to say, the friendship between Mabel and Evan has gone downhill. Mabel is severely traumatized by this experience, and it'll be a while before she can forgive Evan. You might think it's also gonna change her desire to find the perfect guy. It won't. If anything, it's only gonna get worse before it gets better.
Also, I replaced Sev'ral Timez with the boy band from Turning Red. Since I didn't want to do any of that boy band clone stuff, I felt I needed to replace the band.
As for the B-plot, it's nothing new. Robbie brainwashes Wendy and Dipper saves her, resulting in Wendy and Robbie breaking up.
I did change the ending, though. Instead of Dipper asking Wendy out and getting yelled at, Dipper realizes how much he hurt Wendy and comforts her. Yes, it is kinda similar to Cowboy Alchemist's fic where Patrick did the same thing. If you don't like it, that's fine, but I still chose to go along with it.
I was originally gonna stick with canon and have Wendy yell at Dipper, and have it sync with Mabel's Reason you Suck speech to Evan, and then actually resolve the tension between Dipper and Wendy the episode hinted at, but I scrapped it. Since I'm gonna do the same thing with Mabel and Evan, including tension with Dipper and Wendy would just be me telling two versions of the same story, which would be very boring.
Last thing. We actually get an explanation on how Robbie got that CD, and where it came from to begin with. It was made by Evan's dad, who is a musician. Why did he make it?
I guess we'll never know.
Thanks for reading.