Rilla can barely remember ever being this nauseous in her life not even last autumn had she had been. Then again she could only imagine what her father had given her those weeks when she wasn't sleeping. Father is only mildly concerned, at first of course. There is mild stomach bug were going around, but when her sickness didn't as cases died down and he grew more concerned.

"You don't have a fever," Father says taking a thermometer from her mouth and wiping it down.

"I could have told you that," Rilla says groaning. "I still feel like death."

"Pregnancy can make one feel that way." Mother says from the doorway.

"Anne, I honestly doubt," Father says before getting cut off.

"She's pregnant," Her mother tells him. "If I am correct in my dates it all connects with Kenneth's surprise leave. I called and no one answered, and Rosemary said you had been at the prayer meeting and said something about going to the summer house to check on it. It was storming that day and you weren't home."

"Rilla, is this true?" Her father asks sharply and she cannot look at him and she can't help but hide her face in her pillow.

"If you can explain it will be a lot easier than having us jump to conclusions," Father reminds her.

"Mother is right, we were at the house of dreams, it was pouring and wouldn't let up…we were soaked," Rilla says quietly. "I…we…"

"Rilla…that doesn't mean," Father looks at her sharply.

"I wanted to," Rilla manages to say quietly. "I asked him, I begged him to show me what it would be like in a moment that was made out of love. I couldn't tell you because I didn't want you to think of me too forward. I kept thinking about what you said, with Morgan said, and what everyone alludes to in hushed voices when someone gets married. I liked it when he kissed me, I wanted more…I didn't want him to go without knowing what it could be like, to be truly a wife, to be married in the eyes of god? He could be the only one who I could ask and it was like a sign from God, him getting that leave."

Her mother's shoulders sag, and her father's chest puffs slightly. They often forget that she is technically a married woman. Sixteen, but married and in the eye of the lord, she had done nothing wrong. To be young and curious, after everything, who could blame her for taking the chance that landed in her lap?

"He still should have been more thoughtful or considerate given he was leaving" Gilbert sternly. Gritting his teeth at the image in his mind he didn't wish to have. What was worse, the thought of your child being taken advantage of, or your child making her own choices with a man who was technically her husband despite being only sixteen?

"We—," Rilla begins before stopping herself and she blushes bright bed. "We didn't think about it well into the evening.

Her mother snorts in the most unladylike way and her father gives her a rather indignant look.

"We will talk about this later," his father says as the telephone rings and he turns for it. He looks to his wife for a moment who only nods her head.

"Well, you have learned the first rule of marriage you learned to never trust too deeply in such moments." Her mother says.

Rilla can only blush. "I can't be through…I bled a few weeks ago. Morgan says…"

"Morgan is no doctor," Mother shakes her head. "Sometimes in the early weeks, we can bleed a little. Your father has likened it to the idea of the child burrowing into the womb. It can often trick a woman into thinking she is not with child when she is. If you miss this month then we will know for sure."

"I'm sorry," Rilla says quietly.

"Why are you sorry Rilla?" Mother asks brow raising. "You said it yourself, you wanted to know that love? It was…it was kind though? Do you have any questions at all?" She adds quietly.

"He asked a million times if I was all right," Rilla says quietly. "He made sure that I was comfortable and sure of my choice and decision. We figured it out together…" she trails off blushing more.

"Oh…Oh!" her mother says with a catch in her voice. "Well, that makes things much more tolerable? Though I suppose I never considered Kenneth…being a Toronto university graduate to have…well, never mind that."

"You won't tell father will you?" Rilla rushes in afraid. "I don't think Ken would appreciate everyone knowing?"

"I don't keep secrets from your father, but if he never asks I never have to tell I suppose?

"This war has made a woman of you much too soon, but this baby Rilla. Your life will change and change the dynamics between you and Kenneth." Mother says wistfully.

"They changed long before his leave," Rilla whispers. "You're truly not angry?"

"I'm not angry, a bit confused about how I missed noticing how connected the two of you are. This won't be easy Rilla. This will be different than before, you will feel it more with him being away." Mother tells her.

"I already feel it," Rilla finds herself whispering, tears threatening. Mother pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back lovingly for a few moments.

"Things will change with this though, dynamically while you live here. You chose this for yourself, and while I am happy you chose it and it was not like before and I am sure your Father will have some of his expectations about this development. Now I'll leave you to write Kenneth, though it is nice out today you may want to get some fresh while you can."

To Lieutenant Ford

ID 163322

10th Battalion

CEF,

France

October 6th 1915

Dear Kenneth

I am out on the veranda at the moment, in the sunshine. Susan is knitting and Father is out on a call. Mother just looks up from her correspondence and watches me. We went into town last week and Irene Howard was there looking at some hats as we walked in. A strange hush still comes over when people see me, or maybe it's my imagination at this point. I don't get out much these days, not comfortable with wandering on my own or without you.

She caught me looking at some infant things, I made an excuse of looking for Little Jim's because Christmas was coming up after all, but she still gave me a look a mother can only give a child. 'One that says I know you're hiding something.'

Still, I went on with my shopping, getting more embroidery thread and other little things.

Majorie and Betty came in when I was in, and it was a rather sad moment as we all looked at each other. For a moment I wanted to wave and say hello, and then I noticed how much had changed in a way, their skirts were longer, not as long as mother makes mine these days, and their hair was done up. Time has caught up to us, I remember us planning our sixteenth birthdays before school ended. Before the dance, they weren't allowed to be a friend when I could have used a friend the most.

Mother nudged me, and reminded me not to stare. For a moment my stomach rolled, and I had to take a deep breath.

You see, I have been ill again, stomach bugs have been going around and Father decided I must have caught it. I don't think I have ever felt this ill before, it was awful, but then everyone else got better and I didn't I still was ill every day, tired and the thought of food just made me worse.

Father was concerned but then Mother stood in the doorway, worried as she always is these days. Sons off in a war, and a daughter who is sick with something.

She didn't even appear angry, she merely told her father what she thought and it all spilled out. Your visit, and the house of dreams, apparently she called home to check on us, and well we weren't there.

She's been watching me, waiting for me to say something. She explained a few things to me that I didn't know, or the books didn't tell me about. It makes some sense, I guess. Now we just wait…another week or two?, but if I am this tired, and sick she thinks we already know the answer?

We had a little talk, I tried to explain, that I needed to know as I told you, I needed to understand that moments like that can be special. I wanted to know before you left for the god-forsaken war that took everyone else. She was quiet but wasn't angry, she didn't even seem disappointed. She just…hugged me for a long moment before she sobered and told me that Father will most likely have expectations about this happening, whatever that means.

If you're wondering what this all means Kenneth…it means that you're going to be a father. That we somehow made a baby this day of the storm. So fight for them now as well, not just me because he or she will need you to be there one day for them.

I love you

Rilla.

Rilla pulls her jacket around herself as she stands in the line. Various ages of women and few men. But mostly women and the odd child who is impatiently waiting in this line in the middle of the town square, that also has enlistment options and pamphlets for whoever wanted them.

"Next," they call out and Rilla steps one closer. Clutched in her hand is Ken's papers, their marriage certificate, and her birth certificate. Someone else calls out next once more and Rilla realizes it is her turn

"Hello, sorry, umm," she begins suddenly filled with panic. What if they questioned her?

"Take a deep breath," The matron says to her. "How can we help you?"

"Separthation?" Rilla says failing miserably and groaning

"Separation allowance, setting up for access?" The man says. "Your mother is ill?"

"No, she's fine," Rilla says confused. Before passing him the paperwork in explanation.

"Oh, my apologies," he reads, and then his book. "He's not on my list."

"He enlisted in Toronto, but my parents—,"

"You wanted to be close to your parents in his absence, understandable," the matron supplies her answer.

"Do you have his ID number?" He asks and Rilla looks at him blankly. "Identification number, the number you write on his letter in the address next to his name?"

"Oh! Yes," Rilla nods her head rattling it off.

"We'll get his paperwork sent here for next month, do you know his rank?"

"Lieutenant," she hands him the papers Ken sent along as well.

"Alright, oh he sent you prepared," The man asks, taking a new book from a pile and looking through it. "He enlisted June 4th, it's October?"

"I came to see my parents while he trained," Rilla says unsure how to explain their marriage. Should she mention his by chance leave?

"All right, this is what while do, I will retro pay September, and I'll put on record that you didn't need June to August?" he says, writing out her information in a book and Rilla only nods her head. "Now don't lose this book, this is how we keep track and how you will keep track. Allowance is the first of the month, but we are here every Tuesday and Thursday should you miss it. If the status of your husband changes, we will be notified as well. Are there any children at home or expected?" He looks at the marriage date, brow raising slightly when he takes her age into account.

"Oh….umm," Rilla says unsure of what to say.

"If anything changes, just let one of the matrons know to update your family status. 30 for Lieutenants for separation leave, another 4 per child if you need the patriotic fund. Take this to the next table, they will issue you a cheque or cash whichever is preferred." Rilla nods her head. Her heels bounced slightly on the cobblestone of the street they were set up in.

Rilla held the cheque in her hand, slightly amazed at the mount. She's saved bits of a piece over the years, but never more than ten dollars at a time and she usually spent half of that on a hat. She goes to the bank next, before asking to deposit the money into Kenneth Ford's account as Mrs. Kenneth Ford, and coming out she finds Minnie waving at her

"Finally joining the ranks of separation pay are you?" She asks as she holds Little Jims in her arms.

"Willa," he says reaching for her and Rilla takes him from his mother.

"Ken made me promise," Rilla told her blushing as they walked down the autumn roads towards the Andersons house. It wasn't until they were in the safety of the four walls that Rilla let down some of her walls.

"I haven't seen you lately. You doing all right?" Minnie asks her with a nod of her head as she puts on the tea kettle. "I called but your mother said you had the stomach bug that was going around?"

Rilla merely nods her head. "It comes and goes, I don't think the stomach bug helped through."

Minnie looks at her, and Rilla blushes. "Comes and goes, what did you and your hubby get up to on his leave."

Rilla can't manage to look at her as she looks over at Jims who is playing on his blanket.

"Rilla?" Minnie sobers realizing Rilla wasn't playing along with her banter. "I was only teasing. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't…I just…" Rilla stammers blushing. "I asked him…I asked him to make me understand what it should have been like?" Rilla says to her quietly

"Oh, Rilla?" Minnie gasps, trying to take in the admission as she sits down. "He bedded you and didn't even think about getting you pregnant?"

"I wasn't like that Minnie," Rilla objects eyes narrowing slightly.

"All right I'm sorry, I just…didn't expect that, or think it was like that. I knew you liked him, possibly loved him. You never said anything though, not that you had to of course."

"It was our moment, our secret…until our secret became a little secret," Rilla tells her quietly. "Plus one does talk about such things usually?"

"Fair enough I just hope it was everything you envisioned?" Minnie asks her.

"I suppose so?" Rilla says brow furrowing.

"That doesn't sound promising?" Minnie frowns.

"It's not like I have a good basis to go on Minnie, I don't know…it was special and I wasn't afraid not really. Not with him, I mean I had a moment of slight panic which made him back off, but him doing that made me realize I wasn't in that moment, that this was different and I love him," Rilla tells him.

"I should hope you love him if you invite him into your bed," Minnie tells her saucily before biting her tongue. "I'm sorry that was uncalled for."

"I'm afraid," Rilla says quietly. "I didn't…want….but this one…if I am…I don't think I could deal with that?" Her arms wrapped around her waist.

"Miscarriages happen, and you have grown a lot over the year. I lost a baby before Jims came along, it was a sad time, but I wouldn't have Jims now. You never know, truly how it will go, you just have to have faith that it will all go well."

Rilla can only weakly smile at her friend.

"But really if you have questions I can try to answer them, probably easier than asking your mother," Minnie tells her pushing tea towards her.