"There, there," Miroku yawned as he bounced the screaming baby with one arm and tried to force a makeshift bottle into the tiny thing mouth with the other. The baby was absolutely refusing to nurse. Which was troublesome and unfortunately was turning a possibly fatal situation. The poor thing probably had an excellent sense of smell and realized that the typical, presumably instinctual scents were missing. There was no mother and Inuyasha was practically comatose - unable to do much more than stare at the body being prepared for burial.

Not that Miroku felt he was doing much better. He was absolutely exhausted. Silently grieving while everyone else was falling apart save Kaede who he imagined was just putting on a brave face. The monk was barely able to keep his eyes open yet while it was true that he was feeling all the same grief as the others, he was the only one aside from Kaede who seemed capable of going more than five minutes without having a breakdown. It was not because he did not love Kagome but more…well, there was a reason he was able to joke and be playful even though he had had a terminal condition. For whatever reason, his mind was capable of locking negative emotions and reactions away into a remote part of his mind. Was able to ignore harsh truths and ugly facts in order to be present in the moment. A lifetime of believing you were about to die at any moment had its benefits in situations such as these.

For a brief moment, Miroku's violet eyes glazed over as he listened to the soft sobs coming from inside his home. Sango's emotions ran much nearer to the surface, and she had never truly handled trauma well. While it could be argued that the slayer used her trauma and grief as fuel, it was the possibility of what would have come after that had always terrified him. She had always been so willing to die. Actively planned on dying by her own hand and following those she loved into death. Surely though, he reasoned, this would not be one of those times he needed to be concerned about that type of thing. Surely not. The situation was completely different.

Still…Miroku worried.

Swaying slightly as the baby continued her tiny screams, Miroku glanced around the village before seeing a suitable place in the dirt and making his way over. Exhaustion and child rearing never went well together but there was no one else and he was dangerously close to passing out. At least if he was sitting…

A hand weakly gripped his shoulder and Miroku tensed at the fluctuating aura brushing against his back

"I'll t-take her," Inuyasha's barely audible voice offered and blinking sluggishly, Miroku tried to mentally calculate whether handing the infant over was a good idea. On the one hand, Inuyasha was her father and therefore had the right to take her. On the other, Inuyasha was clearly suffering and did not seem mentally capable of making good decisions at the moment. Would he try to hurt the baby who had taken everything from him?

The monk pulled the crying infant a little closer to his chest but did turn around to face his friend.

"I j-just want to see her," Inuyasha mumbled awkwardly as he held his hands out, "M-maybe she's crying because…because she needs me. She p-probably needs me, huh? I should d-do this."

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Miroku sagged in defeat. Inuyasha was clearly not well. Clearly not in a place where he could be trusted to do anything much less care for a child. Everything about the situation screamed danger and fatherhood had changed the monk. Even though this little girl was not his own flesh and blood, the instinctual need to protect her was strong and very much intact. His mind and body screaming at him and demanding he not comply. Thankfully Inuyasha – even in his grief hazed mind – seemed to understand the hesitation.

"I won't hurt her," Inuyasha offered hoarsely – his hands slowly dropping limply to his side while his voice continued to crack and break, "I just…I should see her, right? I'm her father. That's what I should be doing. Taking care of her. K-Kagome would w-want me to do that."

Nodding, the monk chewed the inside of his cheek and tried to find the words best fit to describe his hesitation.

"I'm just concerned that-"

"Kagome would want me to take care of her. That's what she'd want. I-I need to do what she'd want," Inuyasha repeated a little harsher than he intended before inhaling shakily and raising a trembling hand to stroke one tiny, balled fist, "I-I just don't want to disappoint her, ya know?"

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Miroku still did not like this idea and nothing Inuyasha was doing gave him confidence. On the other hand, this was Inuyasha's child. He did have the right…

"Kagome would never be disappointed in you, and she would understand if you needed time to process what has occurred," Miroku sighed before turning and moving towards the spot he had selected moments earlier, "Come. Sit. We can take turns."

Nodding faintly, Inuyasha silently followed his friend and soon the two were settled against a nearby hut. Cautiously, carefully, the monk handed over the child – gently instructing the half-demon how to best hold the newborn and much to his infinite relief, the child seemed to settle. Took the makeshift gruel without complaint.

Even though her father seemed to simply be going through the motions, the next few moments were quiet and the infant finally seemed to be consuming sustenance which was encouraging. There was some positive progress but there was no emotion on Inuyasha's face. The eyes looking down at his daughter were blank and empty. His face stoic and devoid of any emotion. That being said, every once in a while, there was a hint of a smile. A spark of something akin to affection that flickered behind his eyes.

Inuyasha let out a shuddering sigh.

"I wonder if this is how my mother felt," he mumbled as he raised his gaze just enough to glance at his exhausted yet vigilant friend, "When I was small. That'd explain a lot."

Blinking sluggishly, Miroku opened his mouth to try and clarify but Inuyasha rendered any questions unnecessary.

"I want to love her. I know I should," he began slowly – each word sounding forced and painful, "I..I wanted to be the parent I never got. Be better than…than how I've always been. Just…just tell my brats how loved they were all the time and always be proud over every stupid little thing they do. P-protect them. Be someone they could talk to. I want to love her but I…I don't."

Miroku's eyes widened slightly in panic, and he seriously regretted handing over the child.

"Is that so?" the monk asked breathlessly as he cautiously reached over towards the very fragile, easily breakable child, "How interesting. Tell me more while I hold-"

Inuyasha yanked the newborn a little too roughly out of reach. A tiny whimper nearly had Miroku seeing red, but he waited. Like a fool he waited. Every single fiber of his being screamed with the sudden onslaught of paternal panic.

"Inuyasha. Hand her to me," Miroku tried shakily as he extended his hands, "Please."

Instead of complying, the half-demon settled and sighed heavily. Adjusted his hold and used one finger to stroke the baby's cheek.

"You don't need to w-worry. Kagome wouldn't want me to hurt her," Inuyasha muttered numbly, "So I won't."

If Inuyasha believed that reply would put the monk at ease, he was sorely mistaken.

"J-just saying I think I get it now," the seemingly empty half-demon continued as he readjusted his hold on the bottle and sighed, "It was like pulling teeth to get mother to interact with me. Never played with me. Very standoffish, ya know. I thought…I thought it was just that she was high born. That it was just how she was but I think…I think she must've hated me. She was happy with my father and he died to protect me. It was my fault he was gone. That her life was bad."

Already a hair away from losing his mind, Miroku struggled to find the right words to say…

"I-if you want, if it's too difficult, Sango and I can t-take her. We can. We will," the frazzled monk offered – violet eyes glued on the baby while his heart pounded out of his chest. Letting Inuyasha hold her was a mistake. A huge mistake that only made the poor monk's panic soar to new heights. If he took her away, would Inuyasha chase after him? Fight him? Or would the half-demon simply let her go?

"Why would you need to? My life isn't bad," Inuyasha muttered toneless as he moved one claw to stroke the suckling baby's cheek causing the monk to tense, "Because, even…even though 'Gome is gone, I'm not alone. I have family. Friends. A home. She gave me that. Gave me this gift. So why is it so hard to look at her? Why don't I love her?"

Even more uneasy, the monk cleared his throat and was about to speak when Inuyasha kept on speaking. It was weird. Unusual. Completely uncharacteristic.

Terrifying.

Definitely terrifying.

"If it is too hard to stay here, to be reminded of Kagome, Sango and I would be willing to take her. Raise her," Miroku offered in a strained tone– his own paternal instincts screaming at him to take the newborn and run away from the credible threat, "She would be loved. Cared for. All the things you wanted her to have."

A long moment passed and then a tear streamed down Inuyasha's raw cheek.

"I wouldn't forgive myself, but I don't know what I'm going to do," he whispered hoarsely, "I wanted to give her everything. Never give her a reason to hate herself or wish she'd never been born. I wanted her to be happy. But Kagome is dead. Without her, Kagome would still be alive. That's all the reason she needs."

Even more disturbed, Miroku gave into the his instinctual demands and quickly yet gently took the infant back into his lap. This time Inuyasha didn't stop him.

"I think you need to rest," the monk firmly yet gently informed his friend as he cradled the placated baby close to his chest, "She's calmed. I'm certain-"

"It hurts to l-look at her. T-to h-hold her," Inuyasha sniffled lightly as he turned his head just enough to glance at his daughter, "B-But I still want her. What's wrong with me?"

"Y-you are in shock," Miroku offered – forcing himself to stay calm as he pressed one hand protectively against the newborn's head, "Not thinking clearly. Go. Rest."

"K-Kagome would w-want me to t-take her," Inuyasha mumbled as he played with his hands and numbly stared at the dirt, "H-having k-kids was m-my idea. I w-wanted k-kids."

"You need to rest," Miroku ordered before awkwardly getting to his feet so he had the advantage of height and distance, "Sango and I will watch her tonight. If we need you, we will fetch you."

"S-she's mine," Inuyasha mumbled as a few more tears streamed down his cheeks and he held his hands up, "S-she's all I have. D-don't take her. I'm good f-for it. I a-am."

Torn between his own paternal instincts and the love for his friend, the monk found himself frozen.

"Inuyasha, please rest," Miroku pleaded softly, "Please."

The panic and despair in the half-demons eyes exploded exponentially.

"G-give her back," Inuyasha ordered hoarsely as he clumsily got to his feet and held out his arms, "S-she's mine. K-Kagome would w-want me t-to do this. She'd want me to at l-least t-try b-before g-giving up. I n-need…"

"You are in shock and need to consider what your daughter needs," Miroku sighed heavily before closing his heads and shaking his head, "I will give her to you only if you allow someone to stay with you tonight. If you accept help. Do you understand?"

Inuyasha gave a jerky nod before going rigid when Miroku didn't hand over the baby and began walking in a different direction.

"W-wait…"

"I am simply fetching Kaede. You are comfortable with her, no?" Miroku clipped over his shoulder and Inuyasha nodded frantically.

"Y-you'll give i-it back?" Inuyasha asked weakly - seemingly frozen to the spot with his hands clutched against his chest. Pausing, Miroku looked back at his struggling friend and offered a reassuring half-smile.

"Of course. She's yours."