*sigh*..."You are SUCH a cultural illiterate, KP."
"I am not!"
"Loathe though I am to say it...but you REEEEEAAAAALLLY are..."
"Fine. Ask me anything. ANYTHING! I will prove you SO wrong!"
Kim and Ron sat face-to-face on the large sofa in the spacious living room of the Possible household, with the last rays of the sunset casting a warm, rosy glow on the walls and the windowpanes. Stuck with babysitting duty for the tweebs whilst her parents James and Ann were out on a dinner date in Upperton, Ron had mercifully dropped in just ten minutes ago with a couple of large deluxe pizzas and two cold litres of soda. Perfect timing.
"Sorry I didn't get any breadsticks" he had said. "Well, actually I did, but I got kinda hungry on the way here..."
As the hyperactive Tim and Jim were temporarily pacified at the dining room table via deep dish (and stuffed) crust, Kim and Ron were now attempting to enjoy a movie in relative peace and quiet. But therein was a dilemma; WHICH movie?
"Ask you ANYTHING?" prodded Ron. "Kim, I don't think you realize just what you're getting yourself into, here. My knowledge of films, especially concering the action, sci-fi and horror genres, is as deep as the ocean - the Mariana Trench, even."
His voice turned deadly serious as he narrowed his eyes.
"Can you handle...that deep a dive, KP?"
"Anchors aweigh, Mr. film buff!" said Kim slyly, with a grin. "I'll prove to you that I'm just as well-read as you are!...er...well-WATCHED, anyway!" She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as Ron thoroughly scanned her face, her false confidence beginning to crumble.
She was full of it. And he knew it, too. NO ONE had taken in as many flicks as HE had.
Ron snorted. "KP, you just suggested that we watch 'Back to the Future FOUR'..."
"H-honest mistake, Ron!" cried Kim, desperately trying to save face. "I must have been thinking of ah, ummm...Minnesota-er, I mean, INDIANA...Jones..."
"Kinda' hard to confuse those two series, KP" said Ron, smugly, as he stuffed an oversized slice of pizza into his mouth, smearing sauce and toppings sloppily around the corners of his mouth. "I mean, Indy has a whip, and Marty's got a hoverboard. One hates snakes and the other one hates being called a chicken."
"I think that your smug-o-meter's been turned up to eleven" said Kim coolly as she sipped soda from a plastic party cup, her stomach turning just a little bit at the sight of Ron tearing into his pizza like a lion tearing into a gazelle.
"Go on. Test me. I am SO ready for this!"
"Very well, my young apprentice" said Ron, playfully mimicking Palpatine's raspy voice. He wiped his sleeve across his chin and sat cross-legged like some kind of guru as the testing of Kim's cinematic knowledge began. "Tell me, Kim...how many movies are in the 'Lethal Weapon' series, hmm?"
"Oh, that's...that's a cakewalk" said Kim uneasily as she beat her brains out trying to find the answer. Had she ever even seen any of the Lethal Weapon flicks before? Hadn't she watched one of them with Monique last year when they were stuck inside during a storm? Or had that been "Beverly Hills Cop"? Good god, all of these action flicks just blurred together after awhile.
"Okay..." said Kim. "Lethal Weapon. Now...that's the series with Bruce Willis...right?"
Ron looked both concerned and sympathetic. "Uh...maybe we should just stop, Kim. Not to brag, but I might defeat you SO badly in this little game of trivia, that you may never recover from the utter shame and humiliation."
"No, no, no!" cried Kim, desperate to prove that she wasn't miles behind in film literacy. "Ask me another one!"
"The Ron-ster has spoken" said Ron, solemnly. "I declare these games officially over-"
"Nothing is over!" cried Kim. "I'm just getting warmed up!"
"Awww, you stole that line from 'Rocky'" said Ron, sweetly. "That's so cute."
"No, actually that was from 'Rambo'" said Kim. "I watched it with my uncle Slim last year at his ranch."
"Naw, naw, you're wrong" answered Ron matter-of-factly as he shook his head side-to-side. "Rocky Balboa says that line right after his fight with...with...ughhhh, you're RIGHT, Kim! That lil' snippet WAS from Rambo!"
He buried his face in his hands, overcome with shame at his mistake. "AAARGGGHHH, I'm losing my touch!" he wailed. "Same actor, different movie..."
"Yessssss..." said Kim with mock seriousness and a serpentine grin. "The student has surpassed the master..."
"Y-YOU HAVE NOT!" cried Ron as he violently jerked his head back up, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. He took his pop culture knowledge VERY seriously, and any possible threats to his expertise had to be dealt with immediately. "O-okay, KP, ask ME one. ASK ME ANYTHING!" he shouted. "ANYTHING AT ALL!"
"Oh, I'll ask you one, alright" said Kim, mischievously. "Are...you...ready?"
Ron's eyebrows arched right up into his hairline in anticipation. "Ready...for...WHAT...KP?
"THIS!" cried Kim, as she suddenly leapt on top of him and planted a deep, passionate kiss on his surprised lips, her thick fragrant hair spilling over and covering his face in a flaming red torrent. His eyes, now as wide as banquet platters, slowly closed in bliss as he rapidly approached cloud nine.
"Ooooohhh...boooooo yaaaaaahhhhh" murmured Ron as he kissed her back with equal intensity. "Mmmmmmmmmm..."
It was their last Summer as high schoolers, the Summer sandwiched firmly between their Junior year and Senior year, and their relationship - which had been slowly and quietly simmering for years - had now finally boiled over into a full-blown romance. Missions, as of the last two weeks, had been a bit sparse, but that was a good thing, since it left far more time for dates, walks in the park, long afternoons at the pool and spontaneously fun moments such as these (thankfully without any "sponsible" adults around to nag them.)
"I feel like I'm kissing the inside of a pizza box" said Kim with a warm smile as she gently lifted her face from his, their eyes - green and brown - locked firmly on each other.
"Heh!" he said. "Yeah, well, there's worse takeout boxes you could kiss!" he laughed. "It's not like I brought over a haggis for dinner...wait, they'd probably have to serve THAT in a bucket."
Kim laughed hysterically (God, he loved it when she laughed) before he pulled her in close and keenly picked up where they had just left off.
They made out crazily for the whole of fifteen seconds until the overwhelming, intrusive feeling of being watched was just too much for them to bear any longer. Hesitantly opening their eyes and slowly looking up, they saw Tim and Jim standing silently over them, their arms crossed, their faces sour with disgust.
"Uh...h-hi, guys!" said Ron, who was now on top of Kim, both of their faces beet-red.
"Gross!" said Tim.
"Dude, Ron, I can't believe you didn't think of bringing ice cream!" said Jim. "We could REALLY go for some right now!"
"Oooh, major bummer!" cried Ron as he slapped himself in the face. "That REALLY would have hit the spot!"
Kim rolled her eyes and scowled as she extricated herself from beneath Ron, got up from the sofa and sternly placed her hands on her hips.
"Look, didn't you two build some kind of ultra ice cream machine just last week that could pump out three flavors at once?" asked Kim. "Go whip up some of your own!"
"Yeah, but we turned it into a doomsday device" said Jim.
"I see" answered Kim.
"ANOTHER one?" asked Ron in surprise. "Those things must really be piling up around you by now!"
"You should see their bedroom, Ron" huffed Kim. "It looks like the future scene from 'Terminator 2'...hey, didja' hear THAT, Ron? I DO know movie lore!" She felt a sudden swell of pride at her ability to demonstrate applied knowledge, even if only in the context of entertainment.
"Movie lore?" asked Tim and Jim in unison.
"Ah, but you still have much to learn, my young apprentice!" said Ron, beaming and clapping. "The path to wisdom is long and arduous, and many fall by the wayside!"
"Wow, I can't wait to grow up" said Tim, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, then we can be wackadoos like Kim and Ron" said Jim, joining his twin in a dual eyeroll.
Kim tightly crossed her arms and was about to make a really sarcastic remark to her brothers when something suddenly caught her attention. As Ron tried to convince the (laughing) tweebs that being a teenager was the very epitome of coolness, a lowkey sound - just on the very edge of Kim's hearing - was coming from directly above. She looked up at the ceiling with a stern countenance and listened intently, trying to discern the sound from over the surrounding cacophony of voices.
*creak*
It was coming from the upstairs hallway.
Was she really hearing this? Or was it all in her head? She listened closely.
"-and I'll have you two know, that when your sister and I were on a mission in the republic of Magoodahmahamagalesh, ALL the ladies just couldn't get their fill of 'the Ron'-"
*creak*
There it was again. Or...or...was it? She felt her heartbeat start to pick up.
"-hahaha, dude, that country's the size of the Smarty Mart parking lot! Who cares, hahaha!-"
...Footsteps?...maybe?...naw...
She kept listening. Now there was nothing.
Still, nothing.
"Hmph! I don't care if you two ARE super geniuses!" said Ron, proudly. "I'm operating on a level of maturity and sophistication that's WAY above the clearance of a twelve-year-old's! Ron Stoppable, crime-fighting sidekick, disciple of monkey-style kung fu, esteemed inventor of the naco, aaaaaaaaaaand", he then leaned in close to Tim and Jim's faces, "currently dating YOUR sister, the one and only Kim Possible!"
The tweebs' faces looked as though they had just smelled something putrid. They looked at each other, and then they looked at Ron, and then they burst into laughter even more uproariously than before.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you two!" said Ron as he grinned from ear to ear. "I KNOW envy when I hear it!" He looked up at Kim, hoping she would join in and pick up some of the conversational slack in his favor, but his exuberant face fell when he saw her sullen one. She was staring intently up at the ceiling, her left ear cocked upwards, her eyes cold and hard.
"What's up, Kim?" he asked. "Those mercury fillings picking up radio signals again? Hey, remember that time you got the Icelandic folk music station from Reykjavik?-"
"Shhhhhh!" said Kim. "Listen!" she whispered. "Listen hard!"
Total silence.
Half a minute passed. Still total silence all around.
Tim and Jim nudged each other and giggled. Kim was SUCH a drama queen!
"Uh...wanna give us a play-by-play, KP?" asked Ron, softly. "We're a little out of the loop, here. What's the spooky sitch?"
"Oh, uh, nevermind. It's...nothing, nothing" said Kim, her face softening. "I thought I heard something upstairs. Probably just the house settling...yikes, I was REALLY scared for a minute there!" She let out a nervous laugh.
By instinct, Ron's face went pale with fear, but he forced a stiff, awkward smile and tried his best to hide it.
"Well, THAT'S, uh...interesting...heh heh heh..uhhhh...". He fumbled uncomfortably with his jersey collar as he began to sweat profusely. Now he couldn't stop looking at the ceiling.
"WEIRDOS" said Jim.
"Whew!" said Kim with relief as she wiped the sweat from her forehead with a smile. "Thought I might have to dole out some beatdowns to a burglar for a minute there!"
"Yeah, whatever" said Tim. "Hey, let's head out for some ice cream!" he suggested with a huge grin. "You KNOW you WANT to..."
"My word, that is a CAPITAL idea, master Timothy Possible!" said Ron in a goofy English accent as he leapt from the couch, still feeling FAR more creeped out than he felt he should, and now relishing the idea of escaping the confines of the now-menacing Possible home. Yeah, true, it was probably just the creaks and groans from the house's foundation or just the wind in the eaves...or maybe some psychotic killer...or a hulking man-eating monster who had really worked up an appetite after watching the four of them all evening...or maybe it was-
"STOP IT" he thought.
Or maybe it was El Chupacabra-
"STOP IT" he thought again.
Or maybe it was that thing behind the dumpster from "Mulholland Drive"-
"STOP IT!" he screamed out loud, causing Kim and the twins to jump in shock.
"Dude, stop WHAT?" asked Jim, as he warily eyed the terrified Ron, who was now shaking uncontrollably. "You're acting like a total spaz!"
"Ron, what's wrong?" asked Kim, suddenly feeling an overwhelming rush of concern for her new boyfriend. "God, Ron, your teeth are chattering just like those plastic wind-up ones!"
"N-n-no p-problemo, K-K P!" he stammered. "I-I-I think i-i-it's just c-c-cold in h-h-here..."
"Oh Ron, I'm so sorry I scared you!" she cried as she flung her arms tightly around him (as Tim and Jim both went "Ughh!") "I was just overreacting! I'm sure it was nothing at all!"
"Hey, you know what would fix all of this?" interrupted Tim.
"Yeah. Ice cream." answered Jim, sagely, as he humorously pried Kim and the still-quivering Ron apart.
"And after all", continued Tim, as he suddenly produced a wad of cash "Mom and Dad left you forty bucks in case we wanted to get some takeout tonight!" He eagerly pressed the legal tender into Kim's hand as he smiled toothily.
Kim's eyes went wide with surprise.
"What? They didn't tell me they were leaving us cash to get dinner! And furthermore..." she added, as she eyed the twins suspiciously, "why did they entrust the money to YOU two?"
The tweebs just grinned and grinned.
"Hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, KP!" said Ron excitedly, suddenly forgetting his fear at the prospect of (free) food. "Dinner was on ME, but it looks like dessert's gonna be on THEM! There's a triple scoop on a waffle cone with THIS guy's name on it...but first, some snackage for the loooooooooong ten minute journey to the ice cream joint." He reached deep into his side cargo pocket and pulled out a crinkling bag of BBQ-flavored potato chips.
"Huh" he said, puzzled. I could've sworn I still had a bag of sour cream & onion chips down there...might have to dip into my EMERGENCY rations for this one..."
"Interesting..." said Kim in a quiet tone, with narrowed eyes and a dangerous smile. "One twenty dollar bill, one ten dollar bill, and two five dollar bills..."
Tim and Jim exchanged worried glances.
"That's funny" said Kim. "In my purse, I've ALSO got a twenty dollar bill, one ten dollar bill, and two five dollar bills. What a coincidence!"
"Y-yeah...how bout' that!" answered the tweebs, nervously, as they took two quivering steps backward, their faces blanched with fear.
"This is MY money, isn't it?" asked Kim, with terrifying sweetness, as Ron began to get scared all over again, but for different reasons.
"Hoo boy..." he muttered.
She slowly advanced towards her younger brothers - who had backed themselves up against the wall - her terrifying smile resembling that of the Grinch as he was plotting mischief against the residents of Whoville.
"Honestly, you two" she began. "If you really needed money for sweets that badly, all you had to do was ask!"
"If we DID ask, would you even have said yes? asked Tim.
"Probably not" said Kim.
"Well...there ya go!" said Jim. "Our hands were tied!"
"Devious little boogers" thought Ron with a chuckle.
Kim's exaggerated niceness evaporated instantly and was replaced with unmodulated rage.
"This time, you two have REALLY done it!" she roared. "You're both DEAD! MURDERED! BURIED IN THE BACKYARD!"
"Uhhh...A-April Fool's?" the twins mewled sheepishly, with forced grins.
"It's June" snarled Kim.
"Am I gonna be an accessory to murder?" thought Ron, worriedly.
Tim and Jim winced their eyes shut and put up their hands in terror, believing that their sister had finally been pushed past her limits and was finally going to follow through on her violent threats. But then...nothing happened.
Nothing at all.
Slowly, they unclenched their teeth, opened their eyes and looked up at Kim. All of the anger had gone out of her face and she was once again staring up at the ceiling, wearing an expression of utter bewilderment.
And fear.
"Uh...KP?" asked Ron. "You still with us?" He waved his hand back and forth before her face, still clutching the bag of chips. "Hellooooooo? I know you're mad and all, but..."
"Uh, yeah...Kim? asked the twins together."H-hey, we were just fooling around, y'know, ha ha! We were TOTALLY gonna give back the mon-"
"There's someone upstairs" Kim said, quietly, as she balled her hands into fists.
Silence.
"Heh, whatever!" said Jim. "You're just trying to-
*CREAK*
This time, they ALL heard it.
It was a footstep. There was no denying it.