Thanks to all the readers, reviewers and general well-wishers. Time marches on, and Ron is stuck on the edge of a cliff (figuratively, small one, too), so let's get right to it.

This is a public service announcement from Starfleet Security: If your date brags about how they can source a bathtub full of ice, you may be at risk of being kidnapped! Inform your supervisor or Head of Security immediately and remain on your ship. If you wake up with one or more organs missing, file a report immediately with your Head of Security and then seek medical attention.

Chapter 7: Timē sīmium et dona ferentes

Ron was caught off-guard – possibly for the first time since he was awoken on the Rio Grande – and was obviously uncomfortable. "Uhhh… What about Yori?"

"You're going to make me resort to enhanced interrogation techniques."

Ron gasped and covered his eyes, "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, you have no idea what's in store for you…"

"I actually have a pretty good idea and I'm not going to open my eyes."

Then you have chosen violence. Kim shuffled around to make some noise, waited a few seconds, and said, "Captain, what can I do for you?"

Ron fell for the subterfuge and came face-to-face not with Picard, but with Kim's Puppy Dog Pout, letting out a loud groan in the process.

"Alright, fine, it's been 360 years and she doesn't remember me either. I met her when I went on a week-long exchange in Japan."

"And what happened there?" Kim's tone was more than accusatory.

Ron's answer was nonchalant, "Monkeyfist showed up and stole a magic sword. I was nominated to go and retrieve it, my sacred duty or something, but I declined, so Yori went after him, but was captured. In retrospect, hormones might have driven some of my decision-making, because I just had to save the damsel in distress. And I did, I got the sword back, imprisoned the traitor and drove Monkeyfist away."

Kim was still giving him a skeptical look. "I think you're still holding back some details."

"Can't hide anything from you, can I? Ok, so, the magic sword, the Lotus Blade? I brought it with me, it's in my quarters."

"I meant about Yori – wait, you brought a magic sword with you?" This was not at all the answer Kim expected.

"Don't worry, only Rufus and I can wield it."

But Kim still had other concerns: "There's more to this, still… You were awfully focused on Yori back on the bridge… So spill."

"Well…"

Kim knew from the fact that he was rubbing his neck that she was onto something.

"I was reminded of her good-bye kiss from when I left. I told myself I wasn't going to wash that cheek ever."

The big reveal landed with a thud. "That was the big secret?"

"You see, KP," Ron answered, "it's just kinda embarrassing stuff. It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand…"

"Maybe… But I do understand how to keep a starship safe, so it's time you showed me your magic sword."

"You know, I usually wait for the third date," Ron said with his best poker face.

Kim was caught off-guard by the joke at the expense of her unintended double-entendre, her face nearly matched her hair in color.

"Relax KP, it's just a joke, one that was too good to leave on the table. But seriously, it's supposed to be a secret magic sword – some folks get a bit… too excited when they find out about it. Sticky fingers, break-ins, the old 'date knocks you out once you're in private' scam…"

Kim raised an eyebrow at Ron's implied misadventures.

"So I'd appreciate it if we could keep it on the down low."

"I get that, Ron, but I need to inform the senior staff, as well as Yori, and whoever Tasha has assigned to supervise Gamma shift Security."

"Oh, I guess that's okay, they're all professionals, right? And Yori probably knows more about the sword than I do," Ron answered.

"I'll bet she does," Kim said with some annoyance, which went either unnoticed or ignored. "Let's go to your quarters."

They left the observation lounge, the bridge was fairly calm, if not quiet. Nobody expected the Klingons to show up this deep into Federation space, a week out from Starbase 375, much less pose an immediate threat to a Galaxy-class ship.

After they entered the turbolift, Ron took a deep breath and said, "I'm worried, KP. I finally find my friends and it's like I never existed – and are they really my friends, they were born centuries after the time I left them in… But Monkeyfist, of all people, seems to know me? It's like an elaborate prank at my expense."

The door opened before Kim could think of a suitable answer, so she just gestured for Ron to step out of the turbolift, and then followed him out.

"I… I can't imagine what you went through, Ron. It sounds like hell." Her words seemed to only deflate him further, as they walked to their destination. "But I hope I can live up to the memories you have of your friend…"

Ron stopped and turned to see Kim smiling at him.

Kim continued, "Let's not stand here, I have a weapon to inspect."

He seemed to cheer up, at least a bit. "Alright, KP, let's get on with it!"

They entered his guest quarters and found Rufus sleeping on the same pillow as earlier.

"Yo, Rufus, Kim wants to have a look at the Lotus Blade!"

Rufus woke up with Ron's statement and shuffled around to produce what seemed to be a rat-sized sword, which he proudly displayed to Kim.

"Somehow I expected it to be bigger," she said while giving it a curious look.

"Yeah, it gets bigger when needed," Ron answered matter-of-factly.

"I've heard that one before, I'll believe it when I see it."

Ron took the sword from Rufus, and it immediately grew into a much larger weapon.

"Okay, I believe it."

Ron merely responded with a grin.

"Now… My problem is that I have no idea how to classify the risk it poses. A plain sword would not be much of a concern, but a shapeshifting sword? I think I'll restrict access to your quarters, and you can leave it here. It does mean you'd have to run any guests by Security first."

Ron stroked his chin pensively, "Good thing my guest has an in with Security…"

"Hmmm…" Kim replied, "How about your guest lets you get some rest before we reconvene at… 06:00? I have orders to make sure you keep a low profile, so maybe I can bring you breakfast?"

"What more can a guy ask for?" Ron answered smiling.

Kim lingered for a moment, then remembered, "Oh, can you give me a list of known associates of this Monkeyfist guy? Plus anyone you want me to look up?"

"Way ahead of you KP," Ron answered as he grabbed a PADD, which he handed to Kim, "Everyone I could think of, this side of the Cafeteria Lady."

Kim glanced over the list, it was categorized by "enemies", "friends and family", and "others".

"I've had a while to think about the prophecy. Especially the two weeks after leaving DS9. So I came prepared."

Kim continued to stare at the list, occasionally scrolling up and down.

"Hey, KP, I don't mind you staying, but if you do, please have a seat…"

She snapped out of her PADD-induced trance and looked back at Ron, "Oh, right, I… should get going. See you in the morning?"

"Definitely, KP!"

Kim left Ron's quarters, after a moment she called the computer for help, "Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Data."

Lieutenant Commander Data is on the main bridge.

Ron's list was going to need superhuman research skills to go over in a reasonable amount of time, so Data's particular abilities would come in handy.

Upon Kim's arrival on the bridge, she spotted Data at one of the rear wall consoles.

"Commander," she said to grab his attention.

The second officer turned away from his console and replied, "Lieutenant, how can I help you?"

"Sorry to bother you, Commander. I spoke with Ron and got a list of, let's call them persons of interest, I was hoping you could help me work through these and figure out if we can find them in our databases." Kim handed over Ron's PADD, which Data took.

The second officer was intrigued before he even looked at the contents. "Lieutenant, this PADD is approximately 21 grams heavier than a standard Starfleet PADD. Where did you acquire it?"

"I got it from Ron, Sir, I believe he obtained it in his… uhm, alternate reality, I guess."

"Hmm, that may explain the difference. Starfleet has spent considerable resources optimizing often-replicated devices to reduce their energy requirements. It is conceivable that different priorities were considered in Ron's universe."

Wow, Kim thought, Ron got Data to be on a first name basis with him?

"The list contains a total of 213 individuals, I am aware of seven with at least some certainty, of those three are aboard, another individual works for Starfleet, one is a known criminal, one is Ambassador Fiske, and the last one is the Vice-President of the United Federation of Planets, Steve Barkin."

"Okay, that's freaky… Ron knows Barkin? He was the assistant principal at my high school…" Kim answered, "But first things first, aboard the Enterprise there's Yori and there's me, but who else?"

"Sargeant Ronald Reiger is a communications and cryptography expert attached to the MACO 23rd Brigade's Headquarters, from the MACO 5th independent signals battalion, en route to Starbase 375," Data answered without hesitation.

"Ron Reiger? He was my classmate in high school."

Data looked perplexed, "It is unlikely that these coincidences are the result of mere random chance, but I cannot offer a coherent theory that would explain them."

"Yeah, that's been the past day for me… You mentioned a criminal?"

"Correct, Lieutenant. The woman known as Shego is currently imprisoned on Lissepia for attempted robbery of the Lissepian Central Bank. According to reports, she attempted her robbery days after the infamous Mother's Day Heist last year, unaware that it had taken place and that additional security measures had been put in place in its wake."

"I remember that story, the newsnet showed pictures, even… But I thought she was Orion?"

"No, Lieutenant, her explanation for her skin color was most unusual – a comet supposedly gave her, through an unknown mechanism, superhuman powers and a green tint to her skin. The Lissepians requested a Federation medical expert, who confirmed their assessment that she is, indeed, Human."

"Way weird…" Kim reflected aloud, "Anyone else, Sir?"

"Ron lists a Duff Killigan under his enemies, with a particular note that he was involved in the 'Tempus Simia Sitch' – I believe he means the Temporis Sīmia Situation?"

"Yeah," Kim answered.

"There is a Duff Killigan working for Starfleet's Directorate of Terraforming as a civilian scientific advisor. I met him two years ago when he was being ferried to a symposium. He was an… interesting character and boasted of being 'Earth's deadliest golfer in a previous life'."

"Previous life? Sounds like Ron's story."

"Indeed, there are interesting parallels. I understood his comment to be in jest, but perhaps he meant it literally?"

"I don't know, Sir. I haven't seen anything to suggest Ron has been less than honest – he even admitted to stealing the Rio Grande! So I'm inclined to believe him."

Data's face took on an introspective look, as his eyes darted in multiple directions. "The situation defies our conventional logic and analyses. I will consult Federation records for these names, I estimate it will take me two hours and 23 minutes."

"Much appreciated, Commander. Say, could you join Ron and me at 06:30 or so? I'll be bringing him breakfast at 06:00 sharp, but I realize you don't need to eat, and I would not want to waste your time, Sir."

Kim's question was met with a quick answer. "That would be quite acceptable, Lieutenant. However, I should note that I can eat food, even though it is not strictly necessary for me. I find it allows for interesting social experiences and a better understanding of what it is to be human."

"Understood, Sir. I'd be happy to join you for a meal one of these days. If you'll excuse me, I was planning on getting some training in, the MACOs are running an advanced hand-to-hand combat course."

"By all means, Lieutenant. We can discuss the results of my investigation in the morning."

"Thank you, Sir," Kim concluded and left the bridge, headed for her quarters to change into suitable clothing for the combat training.

Her change of assignment and newfound flexibility had the welcome side-effect of enabling her to join the session. MACO prided itself on unrivalled martial prowess in all situations. Stories of those who went above and beyond the call of duty – like that of the two unarmed MACO soldiers who in 2159 successfully stopped an armed Klingon from killing a group of tourists aboard a shuttle from Earth to Mars while sustaining only minor injuries – were cherished motivators and raised MACO nearly to the level of mythic heroes. MACO manuals stated "Self-titled Klingon Warriors are soft. Their pretense of honor is a mere façade for an obsolete, antidemocratic, feudal system that must be upheld, lest those subjugated by them rise up and overthrow them. The veneer of honor – which cracks at the slightest touch – leads to an overreliance on melee combat, made sustainable only by Klingon physiology. A MACO soldier of most species must be capable of defeating a Klingon on the latter's terms. This task, far from herculean, is primarily a matter of skill and physical fitness." Indeed, most MACO soldiers were more than a match for a typical Klingon, despite the Klingon's physical prowess. Despite this, few could realistically trade blows with Kim Possible.

"Congratulations, Ladies and Gentlemen, you were all soundly beaten by a Starfleet officer 10 centimeters shorter than the shortest of you," MACO captain Stevens announced at the end of the session. "And how did that happen? Pure skill. The Lieutenant here expertly engaged at the right moments and retreated safely when her opponents had the upper hand. I expected better, especially from the Vulcans among you. How are we going to win this war if you don't train to consistently beat a human opponent? Where's the logic in that?!" The two Vulcans in the room nearly broke down, one even looked at the floor pensively instead of straight on – certainly a significant emotional response by their standards. "Lieutenant Possible, thank you very much for participating, I expect to provide you with a better challenge next time."

"No big, Captain. I have to admit, your people put up quite a fight," Kim said with some pride.

"Alright people, dismissed!"

After the MACO soldiers moved out, Stevens said to Kim, "Lieutenant, please don't get the wrong idea. You were fantastic, but I need to push my men and women harder."

"I get it, as they say, there's a war out there… Well, see you around."

Kim left the holodeck exhausted. The session had been intense and her opponents a lot better than their results would have suggested. Still, it was good practice and a practical way of expending enough energy to make a nap viable and ease the transition into more normal working hours.

Timē sīmium et dona ferentes - Beware of the Monkey who bears gifts, or more literally, Fear the Monkey even if he bears gifts.

Steve Barkin as vice-president of the UFP is an idea right out of MrDrP's KP:TNG.