Track 03: Sharks - Imagine Dragons

…

*Boo-doop-boop*

"What up sluts? It's ya ho, BJ Princess," A demon with four hands on the end of each wrist waved at the screen and one would know it was in Hell because it was shot vertically, winking one of three eyes set above three different sets of lips, "Four-time winner and reigning Champ of Pentagram City's Gangbang Olympics, ya know who! Anyways, it's fuckin' E-Day again, so you know what that means for ya ho, hiding in my Pimp's safehouse, bout to get a train ran on me, while the Exterminators go around getting all deep in some demon guts and not in the fun way," she winked at the camera again and blew a kiss, but her expression faded as in the background several unmoving bodies could be seen.

"I, uh…I found out that, well, E-Day, and the Exterminators, that's not what they do," the whore admitted, audibly swallowing, "My sweets, it's called Eradication, and it doesn't kill you. I-I mean, it kills you but not your soul, right? That's what…right, uh, so, one of my girls, besties for unlife, you know, Big Daddy J sent her for some cigs 'cause the dumb bastard forgot to stock up," there was a small flash of light in the background which made her flinch, "Then, turns out, my girl Goolia found Him. And lemme tellya, sweets," she snapped her fingers, "I would let-" her nails clicked, "-DAD-DY-" all four sets of her hands snapped their fingers, "-Smash! For free, too!"

BJ Princess paused, eyes shining, looking off-screen as someone quietly sobbed in the background, then licked her lips, all three sets. "So uh, hashtag The First Daddy just fuckin' Kool-Aid Man'd the safehouse and he took-Daddy J-Apart! Oh my, sweets, oh my, there was blood and guts and shit everywhere, it was fiyaaah! And then…and then my girl Goolia, she asked him…if he would be her Daddy…her…her Father. For…just a hug, and just before he…Eradicated the Sin from her soul and sent her to be reborn on Earth because, fuckin' apparently! That's what the Angels have been doin' the whole god-damn time! I thought…you know, I thought that was like, it. Angel, Spear, Boom, Dead again for reals, ya know? But…No. He…he explained it and I believe him sweets. S-so…"

"Hey," A tired, male voice called from off-screen, making BJ Princess whip around to look at him, lowering her phone so that all it was recording was one of her thighs, "I only have a couple minutes left, and you're the last one. D'you want this fuckin' hug or what?"

"Y-Yeah, Mister, uh, Adam, Sir." The screen tilted to show the demon's face from below, her eyes swimming with tears. "So uh, this is my last Voxstagram, sweets. I'm…I dunno where I'm goin' but it's gotta be better than here. Maybe you wanna, too? You'll have a whole year to figure it out, but me? I'm goin' and I'm going now. I won't be me when I get there but…maybe that's not a bad thing…goodbye."

The phone dropped and shook nauseatingly, landing against something that propped it up just enough so that it recorded most of an empty section of floor. Her leather-clad legs hesitantly walked up to a wide robe, and then BJ Princess almost flung herself at the other figure. His arms wrapped around her as she sobbed into his shoulder, and he slowly lowered them to the ground so that she could rest in his lap, showing the bare human face of Adam.

His face was blank, the dark circles around his golden irises making them seem larger than they were. He looked tired, as if he would sleep for a week if given the chance, but still he hugged the demon and rubbed her trembling back as she cried. "…What's your name?" He asked, his voice faint from the distance.

"B-Bobbi-Jean," she hiccuped, squeezing him tightly.

"It…it'll be alright, Bobbi-Jean," he murmured, staring at the concrete floor as if he was looking through it, "I'm…" he sighed, "Daddy's here for you. You can rest."

"T-thank you daddy," she mumbled, sniffling. "A-Adam…?"

"Yeah?"

"…I'm scared," she whimpered, looking up at him, "Will it hurt?"

The Leader of the Eradicators, Hell's Scourge and the Righteous Retribution looked down at the Sinner in his arms and smiled softly albeit tiredly, gently carding his fingers through her short pink and purple hair. "No, Bobbi, it won't hurt at all. I promise."

She buried her face into his chest, her hands clutching at his robes. "…Can you…can you sing to me? I remember, once, when I was alive…"

Adam squeezed his eyes shut, an expression of grief on his features. "…Yeah. I know a lullaby." He cleared his throat.

"Rest now in my arms, my love,

I'll carry you, as the wings of a dove,

Away from this place, of misery, and fear,

Sleep gently in my hold, my dear.

I'll tuck you close, inside my heart,

That as you leave, we never part,

Let warm wind carry you, far away,

But as you go, please listen when I say,

I'll hold your memory tight, don't you cry,

So I won't forget you, even as you fly,

And when you wake, to sun and light,

Hold my hand, while we take flight."

Adam cupped the back of Bobbi-Jean's head, the Sinner having fallen asleep in his embrace. A flash of light shone briefly from his hand and her arms went limp, but even then he ran his fingers through her hair. With a long sigh and careful handling, he set her body on the floor in a state of repose, folding her hands over her stomach. He rose out of view, his robe shifting as the shaft of a golden spear lightly tapped the concrete next to his feet.

"…Fuckin' A, man," he could faintly be heard muttering, "This is why it's supposed to be a party…"

Then the butt of his spear slammed the ground, a wave of golden fire rushing out and causing the picture to become static.

…

The TV shut off. "This, my fellow Overlords," a walking, talking television with a robot body in a snazzy black and cyan suit said, his face buzzing as his eyes swept the room, "…All fucking two of you…is what we call a big. Cunting. Problem."

"Yeah, I'll say!" A sinner woman wearing a crop top, long coat and striped pants consisting of mostly pink hearts whined, "I made a post on Voxstagram callin' Adam a big crybaby bitch and got downvoted! Me! Shit's gone so wrong, I swear I need to flay some new clothes…"

"Mmm~" A moth demon dressed like a stereotypical pimp smiled around a cigarette holder, practically purring as he stroked the screen of his phone, "The pain in that soul, mm, yes, if only I could break it…"

Vox, for that was his name, facepalmed, or 'screen-palmed,' his face fuzzing as he let out a frustrated groan. "You…don't understand how bad this is! Do you know what's TRENDING RIGHT NOW?!"

Velvette, the second Overlord, sitting sideways in her chair with her feet kicked up as she scrolled through her phone, "#TheFirstDaddy #SadDaddy #FreEDay-"

Valentino, the third, blew a heart-shaped cloud of smoke and chuckled lowly, "I like #ImpaleMeWingDaddy, though not so much #RIPBJP. 'Big Daddy' J was a…colleague." The wide, fang-filled smile dipped for a second, "That bitch made loads…of money."

"And that fucking video is all over the net!" Vox raged, throwing a chair that Valentino idly ducked, "I keep taking it down and they keep-posting-it!"

Velvette rolled her eyes. "This is your fault, you electric fuckbox. 'A Voxaphone in every corpse's pocket!' and now you bitch about them being used all the time? Yeah it sucks, but we can handle that, right Val?"

"Oh yes, plenty of territory for the taking, many eager souls from other rings coming to claim some for themselves, a passing issue," the moth pimp chuckled, "I do like it when you're angry, though~"

"No, you DON'T UNDERSTA-!" Vox's arms went limp, his face blue-screening with a mass of text racing across it.

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGfuckalastorGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAtheydontknowAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGtheyreallyfuckingshouldRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnonononononoGGGGLBLBLBLBLBLseriouslyfuckalastorthatstupidfuckingAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-

His face came back with the sound of a TV snapping on. "You don't understand," he sighed, voice full of static, "Eradication was renamed for a good fucking reason, the truth was covered up for a good fucking reason. I got that, which is why I was trusted to make sure it stayed that way. Let me spell it out for you two tards," he slapped his hands against the table, "It takes two Overlords working together to even scratch an angel, let alone hurt one. Only Archfiends and Princes, of which none of us are, stand a chance. Our source of strength, our souls turn to us because they want protection or power or whatever…but they won't turn to us if there's a sure fucking escape. We need to go fucking handle this, and now. Everyone we can, everyone who isn't here, everything you can do, to tamp this shit down before it burns us. Call it rumors, lies, a mistake in the video, anything. This is gonna spiral and we need…" A terrified look passed over his face as he looked out over Pentagram City and beyond, "...Everyone…"

Valentino and Velvette traded looks. "What do you mean, every-"

"EV-ERY-OOOONE!" Vox bellowed, the room shaking with the force of his voice and even making the two experienced Sinners jump.

"Fuck, my ears!" Velvette whined, grabbing the sides of her head, turning to shout something back at The TV Demon, only to find his face pale, literally white, eyes darting about the room.

"Voxy?" Valentino asked, making to stand up from his chair.

Then they heard him muttering. Though it wasn't his voice.

"-Angelic Steel Eradicates Sin-"

"-Angelic Steel Eradicates-"

"-Angelic Steel-"

His eyes snapped up. "Carmine," Vox said hoarsely, "Where is-she's not-seen her…Carmilla Carmine, have either of you seen her? It's…it's been a week since…"

"Er, no?" Valentino shrugged, "She doesn't like us, remember? She wouldn't be-"

Vox started shuddering. "Find her-do the thing-everyone-now." He slumped, his hands on the table, eyes unseeing. He blinked and looked up to see the other Overlords standing there looking back at him, partially in disbelief for his almost incoherent actions but mostly indignation that he tried to order them. "NOW!" He shouted, stomping around the table and literally pushing them towards the door, chanting all the while, "Now, now, now, now-now-now-nownownow Now!"

He slammed the door behind them and collapsed in the nearest chair, cradling his wide-screen head in his hands. He didn't have anger to summon when the door creaked back open and the Moth Demon peeked back inside. "Amigo," Valentino started, chewing the end of his cigarette holder, "You said you were 'trusted to make sure it stayed' as Exterminations…trusted by who?"

Vox merely laughed and it was not a pleasant sound, looking up at the Overlord through a hand. "Who do you think?"

…

Charlie sighed and brushed her hair back, making sure it was neat before tugging on the hem of her jacket (colored a calming peach because maybe red was a bad idea) to straighten it out just a bit further. Everything had to be perfect on the…well, it wasn't quite opening day (the origami rooster on her office desk taunting her about not sending a message to the angels) but a little practice never hurt, right?

…Maybe she should've practiced her interview, because the way it had gone could, charitably, be called a disaster.

Less charitably; it was an abysmal fucking failure, though getting to beat a couple of teeth out of that bitch Katie Killjoy had done a bit to redress her grievances.

Charlie breathed deeply, jumping slightly as a faint rustle echoed from somewhere, eyeing the unfortunately somewhat decrepit hotel. Then she stepped into the main lounge.

There was a bar, manned by a cat-like demon with a very grumpy face (and countenance) who went by Husk. In the far corner, in the shadows near the stage was Nifty, a diminutive demon with a single yellow and red eye, who was ostensibly the maid but mostly hunted the vermin in the hotel (of which there were many). Actually keeping the hotel clean would be a multi-person endeavor…if the owner cared to do so.

The owner himself lounged near the stage. With his red and black suit, red hair ending in black tips with the same-colored ears that looked more like horns, an ever-present yellowed, toothy smile and also red eyes and red monocle, he couldn't obviously be more evil-looking if he tried. Alastor, the Radio Demon, sipped from a teacup full of blood, his microphone stand/cane (obviously also red and black) leaning against the arm of the couch.

Vaggie smiled at Charlie from near the bar, though it became suspicion as she looked at the other Sinners in the room, and two in particular:

The first was named Angel Dust, a spider demon with four arms, a golden tooth and pink irises, though one eye was regular and the other had a black sclera. Apparently he was a pornstar/prostitute, and given how he was eyeing the bar (and the bartender) likely an alcoholic as well though that wasn't uncommon in Hell.

The second was a snake demon who went by Sir Pentious, with many red eyes on his hood and along his body, the bow around his neck and even his hat, with a gaggle of smaller egg-shaped demons (with their own little suits and hats, which was just adorable) called 'Egg Boiz.' He'd tried to blow the hotel up (not cool) with a laser cannon mounted to a blimp (sorry, war-zeppelin) and Alastor had handed him his tail and made him run away in shame. Then he'd shown up only an hour ago, wanting to be a guest and having only one other guest meant Charlie had welcomed him (if not entirely) gladly.

The Princess of Hell had her work cut out for her. "Welcome to Hazbin Hotel everyone!" Charlie greeted them all with her best smile, "Hell's first and only place to redeem yourselves so you can enter Heaven! I'm so glad you're all here! How about we introduce ourselves?"

"Hun," Angel Dust interjected, waving an arm at the room, "We all already know each other, that snake fuck tried to blow us up like, not even a week ago. Although…" He leaned over the bar and waggled his eyebrows at Husk, "I wouldn't mind getting to know a few here a bit more intimately."

Husk merely took a swig from his flask in response.

"…O-kay," Charlie rubbed her hands together, "Then let's start with a tour!"

"Oh yesssss," Pentious hissed (the stereotype), looking excited at the idea, his Egg Boiz bouncing around his tail, "I would very much enjoy ssssseeing all of the roomsss!"

And so they did. There was the lounge (obviously), the main ballroom, the dining area and the kitchen (no one checked the fridge), and the rooms for the serpentine Sinner to choose from, though a rustle had Nifty shouting, "UNCLEAN!" and rushing off into the darkness with a knife, followed by finally seeing the library and returning to the lounge. They'd avoided the hull of Pentious's blimp that had been used to patch the hole he'd blasted in the side, because none of that shit looked remotely safe and a death on the first…practice run was a bad look.

"And that's everything!" The youngest Morningstar said cheerfully, "This'll be your home until you find redemption, and there's no time like the present to get started! And-"

Alastor coughed politely into his hand, his voice fuzzing like a slightly out of tune radio, "If we're starting, Ms. Morningstar, aren't there a few feathery friends we're missing?" His smile seemed to twitch up just a bit higher, "And I don't mean Husker over there."

Vaggie grimaced, crossing her arms, "It's not like we need their say-so on everything, I doubt they actually care that much. And-"

"-It's practice!" Charlie added quickly, "Just a practice run, to set the foundations for when we really start!" She nodded to herself, "Yeah, that makes sense…"

The Radio Demon merely chuckled, a babble of similar laughs heard over the stereo.

"O-kay!" Charlie clapped her hands again, "The first step towards avoiding sinful situations is recognition! This…practice exercise is all about recognizing bad things!" She quickly handed out scripts to Angel and Pentious while Vaggie, the dear, set up the stage quickly. "Alastor, perhaps you'd like to participate?"

He blinked at her and took a long, loud slurp from his tea cup, which had appeared out of nowhere. "No."

"He prefers watching," Husk added, once more manning the bar. Though perhaps 'using' the bar was more apt.

Nifty had yet to return.

"Okay, guys, whenever you're ready!" Charlie announced, flicking the lights down except for the ones focused on the stage.

There was Angel Dust, in a conspicuous trench coat. The background (ignoring that it was made with mostly crayon) depicted a typical suburban neighborhood, and from stage left came Sir Pentious who had swapped out his hat for a bonnet and was innocently sucking on a massive swirly lollipop. Where he'd gotten that, Charlie didn't know, though she wanted one.

"Oh look, it is I, a 'drug dealer' who never got enough hugs, looking for an innocent child to lure with my wicked ways," Angel said, voice flat and dry as a piece of paper, looking at the slithering Sinner with overacted shock, "Oh look, an innocent child. Hello, innocent child, you look like just the kind of person who would do hardcore drugs. Would you like to try some hardcore drugs…like crack?"

"I am but an innocent child!" Pentious proclaimed, apparently enjoying himself, "I have little-to-no parental supervision, but I am a responsible little boy who does his chores!" He looked over at the 'audience' and smiled broadly at Charlie, who gave him an encouraging thumb's up. "I clean my room and finish my homework!"

"That's not cool," Angel said flatly, "Cool people do drugs. Don't you want to be cool, like me…" he sighed, "...the crackhead?"

"Drugs aren't good, they're bad!" The snake demon replied excitedly, "And doing bad things…isn't good. I'm not going to do drugs, I'm going to go home and avoid having sex before marriage and be a good boy!"

Vaggie threw her hands up. "Alright, what the fuck was that?!" She called, "Pentious has an excuse for being terrible, it's his general state of existence, but you're supposed to be an actor," she jabbed a finger at Angel, her one eye narrowed, "Why do you suck so bad?"

"I suck good, very good, honey," Angel shot back, "And I act…in porn! No one cares what the dialogue's like as long as there's squishing and moaning!"

There was a quiet rustle as Husk arched an eyebrow. "…There's dialogue in porn?"

"Yesss, yesss, he wasss very terrible," Pentious chimed in, "I did good, though, right?"

Charlie smiled uneasily. "It was very enthusiastic, Pentious! You'll be redeemed in no time!" Her eyes flickered as she tried to think while Angel Dust scoffed and scowled. "Alright, that was all…good, so we're going to try our next exercise! It's very simple…" She created a blue ball from her magic and held it out, "We pass this ball and whoever it's thrown to has to say something about themselves! I'll go first! My dream is to prove that Sinners can be redeemed and be worthy of Heaven!" She tried not to let the skeptical looks on Angel and Husk's face, the quiet chuckle of Alastor or insincere smile of Pentious get to her.

The subtle wince on her girlfriend's face, though…

She tossed the ball to Vaggie. "I…love Charlie," the one-eyed woman said, sharing a smile with the Princess of Hell before throwing the ball to Angel Dust.

The spider demon shrugged. "I like sucking dick," he replied, chucking the ball at Husk who had to drop the rag and glass he was cleaning to catch it.

Husk frowned at the pornstar who merely winked. "…Fine. I…" he unconsciously bounced the ball from hand-to-hand, "I enjoy card games."

"Nice ball fondling skills," Angel complimented, "I can show you mine, later…"

Husk wound up and threw the ball back at the pornstar, only for a small red blur to snatch it out of the air. "I like bad boys!" Nifty chirped, giggling like a maniac, "I like punishing bad boys…purging the filth, cleansing the unclean!" She gasped at something and sped off, throwing the ball up into the air where it landed in Pentious's hands.

"I…I like making inventions?" He offered with a shrug before a devious look came over his face and he whipped the ball at Alastor's head.

The Radio Demon caught the ball with one hand. "I'm very much enjoying this," he said, idly tossing the ball to Charlie.

She wasn't sure when it had become an 'I like' game but it was progress. "I…I like that we're all getting to know each other better!" She said cheerily, and threw it to Angel Dust.

In retrospect, the fact that things seemed to be going well should've been a warning.

"Don't say anything about dicks," Husk warned as the pornstar opened his mouth.

"…I also like sucking balls," Angel smirked as the cat demon facepalmed, then narrowed his eyes on Pentious and chucked the ball at him, the rubber sphere smacking against his palms. "Whoops, a little hard there, my bad."

The snake demon huffed before he also smirked. "I like that I've made more progressss than you!" He replied brightly, before throwing the ball back hard enough that it made Angel Dust grunt. "Whoopsssie, my hand ssslipped. Ssscales, you ssssee?"

The pornstar lost his smile. "I like that I can talk fucking properly, you sssscalebound sssstereotype."

Pentious glared back as the ball hit his hand, ricocheted off and hit him in the chest. "I like that I'm a better actor than you!"

"Oh you'd know alllll about acting, wouldn't you, you slippery snake fuck?!" The facade had been well and truly dropped.

"Uh, guys?" Charlie tried to cut in, "You're supposed to…throw it to someone else…"

The other Sinners said nothing and watched the literal back-and-forth.

"-at least I'm used to being filmed!" Angel shot back, again literally. "Just not with my clothes on!"

The Princess of Hell frowned. "Filmed? There aren't any cameras here…" She turned a disappointed look on the suddenly-pale snake demon. "Pentious…"

"W-What?! I would never…!" The serpentine sinner slithered up to Charlie with an innocent expression and hugged her arm, "You're my friends, I'd never-!"

"He and his little egg fucks planted cameras in every room on the tour," Angel Dust revealed victoriously as Pentious gulped and backed away from the others.

Vaggie pulled her sword from somewhere, eye narrowed. "We're killing him, right?" Pentious pressed his back to the wall, his Egg Boiz standing in front of him.

"Wait…" Charlie looked around the room and realized that no one seemed surprised, "Did you all…know about this?"

Angel shrugged, "Yeah, saw him planting one in the library and, you know, generally being all shifty 'n shit."

"Yeah," Husk said idly.

Alastor grinned tauntingly. "Wasn't it obvious?"

Charlie slowly turned to her girlfriend, who offered an uneasy smile. "…Vaggie?" She started.

The one-eyed Sinner grimaced. "I-well, not the cameras, but…I mean, just look at this fuck," she pointed her sword at Pentious, who grinned even as he shook.

"…Why didn't anyone tell me?" Charlie asked, looking at the Sinners in disbelief, "It's…because you thought the trust exercises would work, right? Right?" There was no answer, and she turned to the snake Sinner, "Pentious…why? What could-why would-you're the only who's tried, why would you do this?!"

"Heheheh…" Pentious shrugged nervously, "I'm a…voyeur? Yes, that's it, I'm definitely not working for anyone! I'm not in debt to anyone at all, no sir!" He chuckled again, then gulped as Charlie glared at him, her hands balled into shaking fists.

"Is there anyone here who actually fucking believes in my dream?!" She shouted, turning her red eyes on the others.

The pornstar lit a cigarette. "Honey, this place is better than my old apartment," he eyed the dirty decor, "Mostly. Doing kiddy shit is way easier than how I usually pay for stuff." He winked at Husk, "At least I'm not on my knees. Maybe later though…"

"I already told you I'm here for the entertainment, Ms. Morningstar," Alastor answered her look calmly, grin wide as always.

"I'm only here because Alastor's making me," Husk said bluntly, again sipping from his flask, "Apparently 'a classy joint like this needs a bartender.' Well, here's the bartender," he pointed at himself with a thumb, "And here's the joint," he waved a hand at the Hotel in general, "Still waiting on that class, though." There was another rustle, though it likely came from the cat demon's wings.

"And the front desk, don't forget that!" Alastor chimed in, "Welcome every guest with a friendly face, they say!"

The cat demon rolled his eyes. "Right, because they're just lining up to get in."

Charlie turned to Nifty, who had found a cockroach, nailed it to the floor and was peeling it apart in front of a bunch of smaller cockroaches…who appeared to be crying. She swiftly moved on.

"…Vaggie?" She asked softly, "Babe? You believe in my dream, right?"

The one-eyed Sinner grabbed Charlie's hand and squeezed. "Of course I believe in you, Charlie!" Vaggie said earnestly before kissing her, "Don't ever doubt that."

The young Morningstar smiled. "Thanks, Vaggie…" Her girlfriend sighed in relief, "…But I didn't ask if you believed in me."

Vaggie opened her mouth, and paused. "I…believe in your better nature?" She offered hopefully.

Charlie's smile fell, heart twisting in her chest. "…No one believes in my dream," she said faintly, pulling her hand away. She'd known damn well how much the rest of Hell laughed at her, experienced it first hand. The interview, the papers, the articles online…her dad. "I…I can't…" She hugged herself and skittered for the door.

"Wait, Charlie!" Vaggie called, reaching for her.

"I need to be by myself," the Princess of Hell muttered, swallowing thickly as her eyes burned. She paused as her hand grabbed the handle, turning a furious look towards the snake Sinner. "And you…!"

Pentious grabbed his lapel. "Abort, code red! Agent Pentious in need of extraction!" And then he flung himself out of the window. His Egg Boiz took a few seconds to realize his absence before hurriedly stacking themselves and following their boss outside.

"Charlie, wait!" The one-eyed Sinner said again, hurrying towards her girlfriend.

"Leave me alone!" Charlie snapped, opening the door, slipping through then slamming it behind her.

In the hallway, by herself, the youngest Morningstar let the tears spill out of her eyes and bit her lip. She slumped down the corridor, trailing her hand along the wall as she went. "…What am I even doing here?" She mumbled, feeling her well of optimism running dry even as she cried, "No one believes me, no one even wants to try…I…"

She looked out of the window as she sang, gazing up at the blood-red moon of Hell. "I'm just a dreamer, reaching for the stars," her fingers trembled as she touched the glass,"But I'm like a bird, trapped behind these bars…"

Her gaze fell lower and she saw a pair of imps who'd torn another Sinner in half, eating their entrails and fucking in the pool of blood as the top half tried to crawl away. She closed the curtains in disgust. "Will I ever find the one, who's on the same page?" She was in the library, her hand closing around the spine of a random book. The title read 'How to Totally Fucking Ruin Dumb Bastards for Fun and Profit (Or No Reason At All),' and she tossed it into the fireplace.

"Will someone ever just release me from this cage?" Her hand stretched out to the ceiling of Hell, and the portal to Heaven, imagining wings springing from her back to carry her away, "Am I stuck, never to leave?" Even in her imagination, the Portal stayed firmly shut,"Can I ever truly set them free?"

(Will I, can't I, might I…who can see…)

She squeezed her eyes shut, and could almost feel a supportive hand on her back, almost see someone beside her, hear them as they cheered for a Sinner as they gained a halo,"Find that one, who will believe….!"

Her eyes opened and she was in the ballroom, in the dark and alone, her tearful whimper echoing cruelly around her. "...in me?"

Sniffling, Charlie slowly withdrew her phone from her pocket, dialing a number she knew by heart. She hoped that finally, the call would go through-but it went instantly to voicemail as it had so many times before. She knew better than to try the others.

She sniffed and tried not to cry. Slowly, her voice rose back up, though it warbled through the tears that flowed. "In this pit of deepest black," she thought of the murder, cannibalism, torture, rape and other horrid shit that went on constantly in the streets of Hell, "What is it that I simply lack? Will I ever escape Hell's grasp…will I ever get to touch grass?" She thought of soft green grass, blue skies and fluffy clouds. The parks in Hell, bar a few, were miserable fields of twisted trees with whatever passed for turf being crushed glass from the constant turf wars, used needles from the rampant drug use…and her own shattered hopes.

"My Mom's been gone so far away," She thought of her family portrait, her mother standing next to Charlie with a smile, before the woman faded into dust, "I know my Dad won't come to stay…" Her father with his large smile, looking proud at the three of them together, before he disappeared into the shadows, leaving only her in an empty room.

"You won't hear me when I call…Was I ever really loved…at all?"

The final notes of her mournful song petered out as Charlie fell to her knees in the ballroom, allowing herself to cry, her quiet sobs echoing against the darkened walls. Even in Hell, among her people, even in the Hotel, with some she loved and some she thought she could call friends…

Charlie wept, for she was alone.

Wiping her face on her sleeve, she tried to find a silver lining to the cloud of shit her day had become. "I guess, the only good thing…it was…practice," the excuse sounded weak even to herself, "Or…the angels…Adam…at least they're not-"

"-Here?" Golden eyes glowed from the shadows as a towering figure stepped forth, looming over Charlie like the specter of dire wolf before a house cat.

She gasped and scrambled back as Adam strode into the dim light, a sardonic grin baring his gleaming white teeth. "A-Adam!" Charlie coughed, her heart thundering in her chest, "When-when did you get here?"

He shrugged, golden wings lighting up the darkness. "Don't know, it's kinda hard to tell down in this literal Hellhole," he glanced behind her, "How long's it been, Lute?"

Charlie whipped around as an Eradicator stepped out of the darkness, the twisted white face lighting up on her mask to glare down at her. "We have been down here for three days, eight hours and forty-six, forty-seven, seconds, Adam," five other Eradicators emerged from the shadows and circled the kneeling Hellborne, arms crossed, masks on and lighting up, "Though I'm not sure why we bothered."

The youngest Morningstar climbed to her feet, nervously brushing down her peach-colored jacket and attempting a smile. "W-well, why didn't you say anything? There's plenty of vacant rooms!...almost all of them…"

"We didn't let you know because you didn't let us know," Adam replied, crossing his arms behind his back as he and the angels slowly circled Charlie, "You see, I gave you a golden cock to blow when you opened this…hotel. And yet, you opened the doors and my golden cock," he held up the origami rooster that was supposed to be on her desk in her office, "remains sadly un-blown. I figured, 'well, she was just so honest about her intentions, maybe she was too busy and just…forgot?' I should've remembered who I was talking about, Hellborne."

"Sinner's don't deserve the benefit of the doubt."

Charlie winced as the six angels all tsked in unison and shook their heads. "Y-you see, we aren't really…open, this was just a practice-" She jumped as Adam leaned down to glare at her.

"Don't. Fucking. Lie to me," he growled, golden irises flashing, "Lie to everyone else, lie to yourself; I expect that shit from Lucifuck's crotchgremlin, but don't lie to me. Not like you can," he tapped his cheek beneath one of his eyes, "I see the Truth of things-"

"-Don't talk about my dad like that," she cut in, glaring at Adam's back. The angels snarled at her, wings rustling.

"Bitch I haven't even started," he shot back, "But this isn't about that failure, this is about yours. This place…fucking sucks. I mean, come on!" He threw his arms out, "It's dirty, there's holes in the fucking walls, cockroaches everywhere and, oh yeah, some snake-fuck Sinner tried to blast the place to ash with a fucking blimp! Style points, at least, but as far as first impressions go…" He shook his head and sucked his teeth, "Not a good one."

"Not to mention the name implies that those who stay here are lesser," another angel, not Lute, muttered, "Hazbin. Haaazbin. Has-been. Oh yes, the power of redemption is positively flowing."

Charlie grimaced. "Alastor changed the name, it was supposed to be the Happy Hotel."

Adam paused his circling to give the Hellborne an incredulous look. "…That sounds like a whorehouse," he said bluntly, "But at least it isn't insulting the guests. Good point, Ficus."

Charlie squinted at the First Man. Why was he complimenting a plant instead of the angel who'd spoken? Though, that did line up with the book.

"Thanks, Adam!" The angel replied brightly.

"We've been here three days, watching, taking notes, resisting the urge to burn this place away in holy fire," Adam continued, "And all throughout, there's this one thing that keeps circling in my head…"

She resisted the urge to ask how much effort it took him to hold onto a whole thought.

He looked at her, and instead of the mild disgust and disappointment, his expression was one of confusion. "…How do you even exist?"

Charlie blinked at him. "Well, when two people-"

"-bastard traitors-" Lute cut in.

"-love each other very much-"

"-debatable-" Adam grunted.

"-they decide to have a baby-"

"-after nine thousand years-" another angel interrupted.

Charlie tried not to snap at the angels. "-What do you mean, 'how do I exist?' You're 'The First Father' aren't you?"

"No shit, I know how sex for the purpose of procreating works," Adam rolled his eyes, "You wouldn't have this shit kingdom full of bastards if I didn't! Just burned myself, great. What I mean is: we followed you to the interview, and somehow you seemed surprised at all the fucked-up debauchery that happens every single second of every single almost-literally goddamned day. Like, did you actually never walk the streets of your kingdom before then?"

His question was rhetorical.

Charlie looked away shyly, playing with her long hair. "Well…no?"

Her answer was not.

Adam looked at the Princess of Hell, Lucifer and Lilith's First and Only Child, and he gawked at her.

Charlie glanced at him and tried to stop herself, but the context of who he was and the sheer ridiculousness of his expression…she giggled.

He frowned at her innocent laugher as his mind connected the dots, then his countenance softened before he started to laugh with her. "Holy shit, that explains so much!" Adam rubbed his face as he chuckled, "I've spent the last week debating with myself how much of everything you said was a lie or mistruth or some sort of half-truth or asking myself if I'd just misjudged your honesty…" He shook his head and laughed again and looked at her with an incredulous smile, "You actually meant everything you said, because you're a sheltered, optimistic little dreamer!"

"I'm not little!" Charlie protested, standing up to her full height (six feet, six inches and six centimeters exactly, she'd measured) and thrusting her chest out, "I'm two-hundred years old!" She wasn't sure why, but the idea of Adam seeing her as a child was disquieting.

"That makes you the youngest bitch in the room, right Bitches?" Adam said, nodding at his angels.

Lute crossed her arms. "I'm eight thousand years old," she informed the Hellborne, grudgingly.

"Two thousand, two hundred," another, possibly Ficus, added.

"Two thousand and two," two other angels said simultaneously for some reason.

"One thousand, four hundred and forty six," the second to last nodded.

"The abyss of my memory stretches beyond mortal ken," the last said dramatically, "But in this shell my years measure…eight hundred twenty two."

"As I said," Adam nodded, "Youngest by a long shot. Speaking of, how many of those two hundred years did you spend either in your fancy-ass mansion, other Princes' fancy-ass mansions, or in otherwise secure areas that the typical Sinner piece of shit couldn't reach?"

Charlie thought back, slumping slightly as she realized she didn't have any sort of rebuke.
"…All of them," she admitted quietly.

"Figures," the First Man shook his head, "I understand wanting you to keep your innocence, especially here, but sheltering you this much? Man, your parents fucking suck…for numerous and extremely valid reasons, but this is a particular fuck up."

"Hey!"

"But the good news is!" Adam clapped his hands and summoned his axe, strumming the strings, "Instead of singing about how we were gonna slaughter all of you, burn this place to the ground and-well, not fuck in the ashes because that would require being naked in Hell and fuck that, also the ashes would get everywhere, so more of going home and having a pants-off dance-off until none of us could see straight-"

"Wait, what?"

Lute rolled her shoulders, wings flexing as her hand gripped the shaft of her spear (and where had that come from?), "We could still do that, Sir," she said, and there was a hint of pleading in her voice.

"Down, Dangertits," the First Man patted the angel on the head, making her relax, "Right now, we get to sing about how naive the Ministar is, we can get some consequence-free violence and love-making later."

Charlie blanched, suddenly feeling more trepidation about the angels around her than before. "Uh, wait, I don't think-"

Before she could actually finish her protests, the angels collectively launched into song. They were circling around her as if skating on the tile floor, wings gently flapping."If it isn't Lucifer's own little Get," Ficus started with a haughty laugh, "(Watch her cry, watch her fret)" two other angels chanted behind her, making crying gestures against their masks.

"Babes," Adam protested, "Hold on-"

"Is this all it takes to make you Sad?" Ficus crooned into Charlie's ear, making the Hellborne shiver not-unpleasantly, before the other two popped up in front of her holding a long, complicated pyramid chart titled 'why Hell sucks.' "(Do you finally believe that Hell is bad?)" They flipped it over to reveal a single word written: EVERYTHING.

"Girls!" Adam tried to cut in again, "Hold-"

Lute interrupted him that time, and Charlie had to admit that her voice was really beautiful. "Little Miss Morningstar with her teenage rebellion, who would ever conceive of a sweet little hellion?" Though her words were thick with sarcasm, the Princess of Hell couldn't help but tap her feet to the beat,"A kind young Sinner, so easy to bereave, how the Hell could you ever be this naive?"

"BITCHES!" The First Man shouted, violently strumming a discordant note in his guitar and making them jump away from Charlie, "You know I hate to interrupt a Musical Number," he started, looking legitimately regretful, "But I called dibs, remember?"

The angels looked to each other, then back at Adam. "B-but Adam!" One of them whined pitiably, and Charlie actually felt bad for the feathered female, "We've been working on this 'she sucks' song since she hugged you on E-Day!"

Charlie no longer felt bad for them.

"I know, babes, but Heck, you know no one can just forsake The Calling of the Dibs," he said solemnly. The angels slumped and slunk away from the Hellborne, a couple of them muttering under their breath.

"I mean, I thought it was…pretty good?" Charlie offered along with a weak smile, faltering a bit as the six angels snapped around to glare at her. It was fairly effective given the masks. "You know, rhyming 'hellion' with 'rebellion,' that was pretty impressive…"

"Don't patronize us!" The angels collectively hissed, and despite the wings it brought to mind a bunch of cats.

"It really was impressive, girls," Adam added, tuning his guitar, "Be-reave with nai-eve? I hope I get to hear the full thing soon, that was wicked."

"Thanks, Adam!" The angels chirped, their body language having instantly switched from hostility to happiness.

"Er, you know, I kinda already had my song, so…" Charlie said, starting to edge towards the door, "I don't think I need another-"

"Shush!" The First Man shushed her with a glare, "I didn't get my Musical Number last time, so I sure as shit am now! I mean, it's not my usual style, but fuck me if it don't fit!" He strummed his axe and reality rippled as they entered…the Musical Number Dimension. The conflux of imagination and reality where thoughts could be brought to life that could do unrealistic things without actually hurting anyone or damaging buildings or even technically moving from the spot.

Basically, a place where shit got fucky through the power ofmusic.

Darkness rippled out as the bassline thrummed through the air and Charlie blinked, suddenly finding herself balancing on top of a jagged rock above red water. "Trouble," Adam's voice sang into her ear, "Blood is in the rocky waters, Hide away your sons and daughters," A massive version of his hand puppeted a pair of small featureless mannequins thrashing in the water, "Eat you alive…" The rocks became teeth and slammed shut.

Charlie stumbled as her feet hit the ground in a well-lit ballroom. "Levels, Better put your head on swivels," Adam's hands grasped her cheeks and turned her head to one side before letting go; she turned to look back at him and jumped. In his place was a grinning Alastor, who grabbed her by the hand and spun her around the dance floor, "Dancing with the very devil," the Radio demon dipped her, the back of her head bouncing off of a plate, "Butter to knife…" She almost screamed as a knife descended towards her face.

A cake shaped like her head was carved open, spilling out a river of blood. "You think you're better than them, better than them?" The river became a rolling carpet carrying Charlie down a corridor of the hotel, "You think they're really your friends, really your friends?" The doors opened in time to the beat, showing Alastor, Angel Dust, Husk, Nifty, Pentious, several other Sinners and even Vaggie sneering or pointing and laughing at her, "But when it comes to the end, to the end…" the carpet bucked and she stumbled into an end table, just barely catching a framed photo as it fell off. Inside the frame, there was a picture of her parents, her father standing next to the chair her mother sat on. Even with the still image, she could see the smugness radiating from both of them.

"You're just the same as them," Adam took the picture from her hand and gave her a disappointed look, "Same as them…" He set the picture on a point and flicked another, making the whole thing spin.

Charlie spun and stumbled on a glass floor made of blocks until a large robed arm caught her, "So let it go, let it go, that's the way that it goes-" He held up a newspaper from Pentagram City, The Pride Rag, "First you're in-" the front page showed a picture of Charlie as a baby, with the big title reading: CHARLOTTE MORNINGSTAR, HELL'S CUTEST PRINCESS! "Then you're out-" He flipped the paper to show a more current headline, with a picture of Charlie from the interview, photoshopped (she hoped) to make her eyes point in different directions, with the title instead saying: CHARLIE MORON-STAR! And the sub-header; What a dumb bitch! "-Everybody knows!"

He left the paper in her hands, then dragged a lighter down the side, catching the rag on fire, "You're hot, then you're cold," she tried frantically to put it out, but the flames singed her fingers, "You're a light in the dark," she had a second to wonder why it had burned her when Adam tossed his lighter carelessly into the air and she reflexively caught and shut it, plunging her into darkness.

"Just you wait and you'll see," she flicked the tinder twice, seeing a shadow of something nearby, "That you're swimmin' with sharks!" The lighter caught and the flame burned, Charlie froze as a massive shark swam around her, sometimes with Alastor's grinning face instead.

"He's comin' to get you, (Chick, chicka) woo, woo-" The shark darted out around her twice, "He's comin' to get you, get-" before swimming up, "(Chicka) woo-" and a massive mouth swallowed her whole from below.

"Bubbles," Charlie opened her eyes and realized she was floating in the open ocean, clapping her hands to her mouth as an air bubble slipped through her lips, "Drownin', you're seein' doubles-'' two shadows of the massive shark circled her as she tried to swim away, "Don't you let 'em see your struggles," Adam's arm wrapped around her shoulder, his face…sympathetic? A tear slipped out of her eye, "Hiding your tears…" he wiped it away with his finger and held it up, the ball of water spinning and becoming red before it suddenly grew to engulf them.

"Crisis," Charlie went rolling down a table, stopping on a lazy susan that began to spin, "Take advantage off your niceness," the other Sinners watched her spin, large cleavers in their hands, "Cut you up in even slices," they slammed them down at her, just barely missing as she spun, "Prey on your fears…"

The knives bounced out of the Sinner's hands and spun, becoming mirrors, "You think you're better than them?" The Sinners were instead reflected, doing suspicious shit like planting cameras, reporting to someone on the phone, making notes, or in Husk's case, emptying an entire bottle of tequila, "Better than them (you think you're better)?" As the mirrors spun, Charlie could see the angels standing between, looking down at her with expressionless faces, "You think they're really your friends, really your friends (really)?"

"But when it comes to the end, to the end (oh, no)," Charlie finally pushed herself off of the lazy susan and stumbled into a mirror. She looked up and found herself standing between her parents, her bright and innocent smile contrasting with the proud and smug expression on theirs, "You're just the same as them," Lute grasped the sides of the mirror, shrinking it down to portrait and giving it and her a disgusted look, "Same as them…" She threw the picture over her shoulder.

"So let it go, let it go," Charlie spun again, landing in a barber's chair with restraints that slammed shut, "That's the way that it goes," A pair of angels wheeled an old tube TV in front of her that was on, showing static, "First you're in-" one grabbed the dial and switched channels, showing news coverage of the parade held in honor of her birth, "-then you're out-" they switched again, showing Charlie diving at Katie Killjoy, "Everybody knows (ooh)!" They reached under the chair and flipped it back, letting Charlie slide out.

She fell into a tub of boiling water, "You're hot," a massive bucket of ice was dropped on top of her, her head popping out of the top as she shivered, "then you're cold-" She looked up as the two angels picked up the TV and slammed it down on top her. "You're a light in the dark!"

(Why did one of them have Vaggie's face?)

Charlie stumbled through a door that opened on the side of the TV before it slammed shut, leaving her in pitch darkness once again. She felt along the wall, testing a pair of light switches that flickered, "Just you wait and you'll see," she flipped a switch and a single bare bulb snapped on overhead, showing an entire school…no, a shiver of sharks swimming around her, "That you're swimmin' with sharks!"

"He's comin' to get you, (Don't take it from me) woo, woo-" The light from the bulb had formed into a cage, which had started to rust, "(My blood is pumping) he's comin' to get you, get-(Don't take it from me)-" The light flickered as the cage rusted, the sharks gaining the faces of the other Sinners as well as others she'd seen, "(My blood is pumping) he's comin' to get you, (Don't take it from me) woo, woo!" The cage rusted away and the light disappeared as the sharks turned and closed in on Charlie, filling the water with so much blood it turned red.

"(My blood is pumping) he's comin' to get you, get-(Don't take it from me)," Charlie emerged from a small pool of red water, breathing hard as she clawed her way onto a long red carpet and pulled herself up. She gasped. At the other end of the carpet was the portal to Heaven, the Pearly Gates visible on the other side. Unthinkingly, she ran towards it.

"Every time my heart is beating, I can feel the recipe," as the bass thrummed, she could almost make out shadows of the angels watching her run, "I wonder if my day is coming, blame it on the entropy," her eyes went wide in panic as the carpet stretched further and the portal began to shrink, "My blood is pumping, I can see the end is right in front of me-" She could just feel the light warming her face, "Don't take it from me," An enormous shadow loomed up from behind the portal, "I could be everything-" It was her father, grinning down at her maliciously with a lever beside him, "EVERY-THING!" He grabbed the lever and pulled.

The floor fell out under Charlie and dropped her down a pit with the carpet falling with her, turning into a tornado of blood and circling sharks, "(Sharks!)" sometimes with regular shark heads and other times with the faces of Sinners, her father included. She heard Adam's voice whispering in her ear as she fell, "Don't take it from me, my blood is pumping, my blood is pumping (sharks!) Don't take it from me, I could be everything," she landed on her feet on the glass floor again, but she realized it was a club of some kind, "Every-thing!"

"So let it go, let it go, that's the way that it goes," four angels danced with Charlie in the center, spinning and flaring their wings, "First you're in-" The floor lit up and became a circle, "Then you're out-" it became an X, "Everybody knows!"

She looked up and found Adam floating in place as he strummed his guitar, the other two angels cradled in his wings as they cuddled up to his chest. "You're hot, then you're cold-" the lights became red and pink, then blue and purple before turning off, "You're a light in the dark!" A spotlight snapped on overhead, and the floor gained the pattern of a bullseye.

"Just you wait and you'll see, that you're swimmin' with sharks!" The lights of the pattern switched off in time with the beat, showing Charlie that she was standing above an aquarium filled with circling sharks.

"He's comin' to get you, (Don't take it from me) woo, woo-" two of the sharks swam up, slamming their noses into the glass floor hard enough to make Charlie stumble and fall, the floor cracking.

"(My blood is pumping) he's comin' to get you, get- (Don't take it from me)"

She saw her reflection in the glass, her hair partially undone, eyes red from crying, fear and despair plain on her face.

"(My blood is pumping) he's comin' to get you-"

Charlie looked at herself, and all she saw was a scared little girl. Her hands clenched into fists as she squeezed her eyes shut. "Shut up, shut up, shut up…!" She chanted under her breath.

"(Don't take it from me) woo, woo-"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"(My blood is pumping) he's comin' to get you, get-(Don't take it from me…)"

"Shut-" Charlie threw her head back and roared, "-UUUP!" Horns sprouted from her forehead and her eyes became a burning red as fire erupted from around her.

The angels immediately leaped away from the explosion, ducking behind Adam's flared golden wings. Despite the release of her power, his feathers were barely ruffled. His gilded gaze met Charlie's hellish red, and he plucked the last two notes from his guitar.

"You think…you think I don't know?" She snarled, clawing at the tiled floor, "You think I don't hear every subtle whisper calling me a whore, a moron, a retard?! You think I don't understand that no one believes in my dream?" She pushed herself up, spade-tipped tail whipping furiously, "I DO! I know everyone thinks it's stupid and impossible! I know barely any Sinners even care to be redeemed…" Tears glowing like lava dripped down her cheeks, hissing as they hit the floor, "But…someone has to try!"

"And why should you?" Adam spoke, his voice a deep, rough rasp, "Why argue for those who spit on your dreams?"

"Because. I. CARE!" Charlie enunciated, "Overlords, Archfiends, Princes, down to even the lowest Imp; they see souls as commodities, things to be traded at a whim! I. Don't. To me, they. Are. Precious! I have the power to protect them! I have the will to keep them safe! And most of all…I want them to be free. To be redeemed, to leave this pit and live in peace!"

The First Man looked down at her, his face blank and as if chiseled from stone. "Many want it," he said solemnly, "Many more believe they deserve it, only some actually strive for it and few ever earn it. Why try, Princess?"

"Because those who want it deserve that chance," she stated firmly, "I can give it to them. And I will. I won't let anyone, not my father, not my girlfriend, not any other Sinner or Hellborne, but especially not a flock of feathered FUCKS-!" Charlie shouted, stomping her foot and making the entire hotel rumble, "-Tell me otherwise. There are people down here who can change, who deserve Heaven. And I will save their souls. I Will."

There was a sepulchral tone that echoed through the air, carrying with it the sound of finality and the scent of dust.

Adam, The First Man, stared down at Charlie, The First Princess, his golden eyes staring into her burning red for a few long, silent seconds.

And then…

He smiled gently, his eyes glowing with warmth as he gazed down at her, and he looked…proud.

Charlie's heart skipped a beat and despite flames around her, she felt her face burn.

Adam's smile became a smirk and he nodded towards the ballroom door. "…Do they know that?" He asked.

She looked back to the door, the hotel and the others beyond. "…They're about to," she promised, and turned to leave. Her heels clicked on the scorched tile floor, the sound of the door echoing through the room as she pulled it open. As she stepped through, she looked back. Adam still had that smirk on his face, and his angels were looking at her with what seemed like grudging respect.

Charlie closed the door behind her…and nearly collapsed to her knees as the weight of what had just happened struck her. The disbelief, the desperate attempts, the relief, followed by more anger and faithlessness stacking on top of each other until her mask of optimism fell apart, despair and loneliness and then…fear. Anxiety, confusion, more fear, then the sheer whiplash as the tension drained, then a building sense of offense as they repeatedly called her stupid and naive.

And then at the end, her will crystallized, and her sense of purpose was set. The feeling of drawing her line in the sand, knowing she would do whatever it took to succeed…it had been a wonderful sensation, as if every bit of her being was in agreement for the first time.

Then…Adam, and his smile. A true smile, not a grin or a smirk, that had, if only for a moment, colored in the bags around his eyes and made him look…young. Young and ha-

Charlie gulped and patted her chest, trying to get her heart to stop thumping against her ribs. She remembered the History of Hell, her childhood book her parents had written for her, and how controlling the angels were, with Adam being the worst. But…her father had lied to her about the Exterminations, and her mother had said nothing otherwise. So…what else had he lied about?

She didn't know.

Charlie shook her head and straightened up to her full height. She usually hunched and tried to make herself inoffensive, the idea of intimidatingly looming over others feeling just plain mean, but…she was going to lay down the law and give them all a piece of her mind.

Almost all of them.

…

Pentious was strapped to a wall in a dungeon. Some might call that a fun way to spend a few hours, and he might be one of them with a few snorts of something dusty and a bottle or two of the good stuff, but not in this situation.

The situation being him about to be tortured by a Sinner who worked for Vox, for his failure to go even a day at the Princess' stupid hotel. The reality show that could've been filmed would've been a hit, except that he'd been found out.

The Sinner idly popped one of Pentious' eyeballs out of his torso and ate it as the snake screamed. The torturer resembled a muscular man with the arms and teeth of a bear. "Man, I don't know how stupid a guy can be," the torturer shook his head and scratched it, idly staining his hair with blood, "You fail so hard you dive outta window, then you come crawling back without anything to show for it? It's like you wanted to be tortured…"

"W-well, not really…"

"It's weird, too, I barely got through to the big V and he just said I could do whatever," the bear-man tore one of Pentious' fingers off and again, munched it down, "I mean, shit, usually I hate it when people tell me what to do. 'Break his legs!' or 'peel her spine out while she's still alive!' and shit, but it's like, now that I can do whatever I want, I don't actually know what I want to do," the torturer mused, picking through a selection of blood-encrusted torture tools.

The snake Sinner heaved for breath, hat gone and blood dripping from the multitude of small cuts and sections where his scales had been peeled away. "W-well, if you don't know what to do, why not just…not do anything?" He asked hopefully.

"Nah, got nothin' to do, might as well have some fun figuring out what I really like, you know?" He picked up something that resembled an ice-cream scoop with jagged teeth and a pair of rusty pincers. "Always thought I was a dom, but maybe I got some sub in me? Hm. Anyways, I'm gonna start with scooping your eyes out, then your testicles and whatnot and swap 'em around for a bit? I should be fully erect after that-"

The door was kicked open, startling them both. Charlie Morningstar strode through, horns out and eyes burning, the carpet literally igniting under her footsteps. She eyed the torturer, who simply raised his hands and sat in a corner, then turned to the serpent Sinner. "Pentious," she started, folding her arms and frowning, "When you agreed to become a guest at my Hotel, you signed a contract, remember?"

Sir Pentious gulped uneasily. He did in fact remember, he'd looked it over quite a bit to ensure he wasn't selling his soul…again.

"Then you remember that there was a clause stating that, in the event of a resident giving cause for removal such as behavior or outside influences, they would have to meet with the staff to discuss the situation." Her eyes narrowed. "You missed the meeting, Pentious. Am I going to have to drag you to the meeting, or are you breaking the contract?"

"I-I'm a little tied up, at the moment," Pentious joked weakly, cringing as Charlie crossed her arms and leveled a disappointed look at him, which almost hurt as much as the torture. Not as much, obviously, but he was an emotionally delicate snake. "I w-would hate to break the contract-"

"Good," Charlie snapped her fingers and the straps dissolved into ash, dumping him onto the floor, "Follow me."

Pentious pushed himself up and looked back at the torturer. The bear Sinner shrugged again and made no move to stop him, so the inventor snatched up the carton his Egg Boiz had been stuffed in and his hat and slithered after the Princess of Hell.

The torturer smacked his lips. "…Well, guess it's off to a sex club for some self-discovery, then."

…

…

…

Vox sat in his personal office overlooking the city. A bottle of the strongest stuff he could find was sitting on his desk, though it was unopened.

His phone rang, and the Television Demon jumped as if stung. It wasn't a call he could ignore. Hesitantly, hand trembling, he thumbed the answer button. "…Hello?"

"..."

"Yes, I'm handling it. I've got the V's reaching out to every-"

"..."

"…No, we don't know where she is, but-!"

". . ."

Vox shuddered as an invisible hand gripped his head. "We-we have people looking out for her!"

"..."

His breath came in trembling pants as his head began to deform. "Yes, I understand. It was a mistake, they were filming the Exterminators for personal use-"

"..."

Vox tried not to scream as his screen cracked and blood began to drip down his face. "Yes! Yes, I promise! I'm sorry!"

". . ."

Part of his desk snapped off under his grip as he restrained the cry of agony that wanted to escape. "…Yes, I remember. I won't…I won't fail you again." He heard the click as the other line went dead, and collapsed as the invisible hand gripping his head vanished.

…

The darkness was lit only by the screen of a phone that then died. The figure that occupied the darkness was unperturbed. Darkness was a familiar friend.

"…Well, that could've gone better," a voice spoke quietly, and there was a shuffling as they took up a device and began to tinker.

They tapped a remote and a TV turned on, showing a video they'd seen many times.

Two people surrounded by golden wind as they stared each other down.

One was Charlie Morningstar.

The other was Adam, The First Man.

"Things haven't gone quite like I expected," the voice admitted, picking up a screwdriver, "But, heh, I'm nothing if not flexible. Isn't that right?" He gave the device a light squeeze.

Quack, quack.

…

…

…

…

…

…

A/N: Yep, this gravy train just keeps on rolling and I haven't jumped off yet, so here comes some more Earn It. I even got to do a title and summary drop in the chapter! That was neat.

You may have noticed that changes from the ripples keep rippling out, the big ones being:

With Adam/Heaven supporting her, Charlie's under more pressure, so she takes the 'sneaky sus snake boi' being a sneaky sus snakey boi hard.

Adam and the Angels (Lute, Gladii, Heck, Ficus and Sanguinara, the Devourer of Blood (Devo)) were there, watching in the darkness the whole time. Adam's initial reaction will be explained next chapter (already written) since it'll mostly be from his POV but let's just say he thought he'd been bamboozled.

Charlie actually fucking stands up for herself and resolves to save the Sinners who deserve to be saved and not, y'know, every Sinner including the rapist slaver scumbags who treat people like toys.

And setting up some future stuff which I will once again assure you, no NTR or cheating here.

Speaking of my third point, I very much dislike the 'eternal optimist tries to save everyone' character, because it almost always leads to their trust being abused and them being forgiving to the point it becomes ludicrous. Keep turning cheeks until they get clapped down to the bone and see what's left for the people who actually need it.

It's unrealistic and painfully naive is my point, and this Charlie is not naive.

What she is, is an optimistic, sheltered dreamer with a big heart and now a spine of steel and the unbreakable will of ages. She won't take shit, but will offer a second chance…and only a second chance. Plus with Eradication not being Extermination, and no threat of soul destruction (still stupid) on the table, that frees up her focus to be a little more realistic.

I struggled a bit with Vox and the Vees at first, but once I started imagining his voice as Gary Oldman he flowed way better. And I got to reference three different Gary Oldman movies!

And oh man, I wonder if anyone will guess who the shadowy figure lurking in the dark manipulating things will turn out to be?

Let's just say though, that the essence of this could be distilled down to one sentence: "Things and characters are more complex than they appear."

Basically, let me cook, I'm pretty good at it.

Anyways, big thanks as always to NSG for being the bro of bros, check him out and tell him to update something for the love of god, please.

And thanks to the supporters in the Discord, which you can join!

Lastly but not leastly, thank you for taking the time to read this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, leave a comment or a review if you did!

Stay Awesome!

~Soleneus

P.S.: How far has the gravy train kept rolling? Well, chapter 4 and 5 are already completed (barring edits and notes) and chapter 6 is about to get started, so…yeah. I have a method to my releases, if you want to know more you can join the discord.

And no, I still don't know what to do with Carmine, so I'm having her lurk until I can figure it the fuck out. Ooooh, mysterious!

Anyway…back to writing chapter 6.

(Note from the future: Chapter 4, 5, and 6 are completed at this moment, with 5 and 6 being on my Pa-treon and Discord)

Stay Awesome Some More!

~still Soleneus