Chapter Thirteen
When Edward woke from his impromptu nap, the searing pain inside his head had dulled to a mere throb. Stretching out on the couch, he reached for Bella, having had the best dreams of her holding him while he slept.
But he came up empty.
Snapping his eyes open, he sat up, looking around his living room. He found her sitting on the floor across from him, knees pulled up to her chest, a look of fear on her face. Sitting on the floor next to her were his medications.
"You got a phone call while you were asleep," she explained, each word thick with her heavy tears. "You have a CAT scan tomorrow."
Bella never intended to snoop around his apartment, but her gut told her she needed to find out what was happening. It didn't take long for her to put two and two together. Edward's medicine cabinet had been overflowing with everything from painkillers to anti-nausea pills. She wanted to leave, but she couldn't until she heard the truth from him.
Bringing his hand up to his mouth, Edward tried to figure out what to say. He never meant for her to find out like this. "I can explain."
"You can explain?" Bella nodded, blinking back her frustrations. "Okay, as long as you can explain why you're taking more drugs than a goddamn junkie."
"They help with the pain," he muttered. "Most of the time, anyway."
Bella covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stop the scream nestled in her throat. Sighing, Edward slid to the floor, crawling over to where she sat. She wanted to move away, but then again, she wanted to crawl into his lap, beg him to hold her. She wanted him to lie and tell her everything would be okay, even though her gut told her otherwise.
Edward settled against the wall next to her, bringing his knees up in front of him, and reached out to take her hand. "I don't know how to say this."
"Why are you having a CAT scan?"
Bringing her hand up to his lips, he whispered the words she'd been dreading, "I have a brain tumor."
Time stood still, and all Bella could think about were the last two words Edward had just uttered.
He had a brain tumor.
While she may not be the smartest person, she knew that a brain tumor equaled cancer, which explained a lot to her. The way he cautioned her about getting too close, small comments about wishing for more time, more of her. He'd known all along he was going to die.
Blinking back her tears again, she swallowed against the lump of fear in her throat and asked the one question resting on the tip of her tongue, "How long do you have?"
"The doctors say a few months," he croaked. "Maybe six at the most."
Shaking her head, she tried to stop her tears from falling, but they ran down her face anyway. She'd let him in, taken the chance, and fallen in love, and now, he was being taken from her just when she was happy.
Scrambling to her feet, she pulled her hand out of his, stumbling away. Looking down at his broken expression, she wanted to scream at him for betraying her heart, but she couldn't. All she could do was stare into the dark brown eyes of the man she'd given her heart and soul to.
Without realizing what she was saying, her lips parted, and three little words trickled out, "I love you."
Sliding up the wall, Edward stared at her, shocked by her confession. He'd never meant for her to fall in love with him or for him to return the feeling. But he did. His head told him to get out now, while the pain was minimal, but his heart begged him to take the few steps to her, to hold her in his arms, and whisper those three little words back to her.
Bringing his hand to his hair, he tugged on his curly tendrils, cursing God for bringing her to him when his life was over. "Leave," he uttered.
"What?" Bella gasped, the single words tore through her.
Edward shook his head, fighting the hurt radiating through his chest. "Leave," he repeated. "Go. Now. I don't want you here."
"You don't want me?" she whispered, struggling to get the words out.
"Bella, I . . ." He trailed off, leaning against the wall. "I can't give you what you need."
"I need you," she pleaded.
"And I can't give you me," he snapped. She flinched, the harshness of each word biting into her soul. "Don't you get it? I'm already dead. It's just a matter of waiting now."
"No, you're not dead," she cried, reaching for him. He stepped out of the way, kicking over the pile of medications at his feet. "Edward."
"I should never have pursued you, Bella," he muttered, facing the window.
"Edward, look at me," she begged, placing her hand on his shoulder. Closing his eyes, he let go, finally letting the tremor of tears rock their way through his body.
"I love you so much, Bella," he wept, turning toward her. "But I wish I'd never met you."
Letting her hand fall to her side, she stumbled, biting back the rippling scream rushing to the tip of her tongue. He regretted being with her. How could he love her but wish he'd never met her? She'd opened her heart up to him, letting him in, and it had backfired on her, just like she knew it would. Wrapping her arms around her body, she turned and headed for the door but froze when Edward slipped his arms around her.
"Don't leave me," he whispered, his warm breath caressing her skin.
"But you told me to go," she muttered. "You regret us."
"No, I regret not being able to give you the life you deserve." He pressed his lips to the side of her neck, allowing his tears to fall onto her shirt. "I want forever with you, Bella, for us to get married and have babies. I want to live for you, but I can't. I'm gonna die."
"Edward," she whimpered, closing her eyes.
"Bella, please, don't leave me," he pleaded, holding her against him tighter.
Unable to deny him anything, she nodded her head, hoping and praying she'd wake up from this nightmare sooner rather than later.
—WSHB—
Relief flooded over Edward when she finally agreed not to leave. He knew he'd contradicted himself, but with her single step toward the door, his heart broke, and he knew he couldn't let her go, even if it might be the right thing. Shaking his head at the bastard he'd turned into, he unwrapped his arms from around her, smiling.
"Are you hungry?"
The sudden turn in Edward's demeanor surprised her. "Sure, I guess," she mumbled.
Beaming, he walked into the small kitchen and pulled the refrigerator door open. "I've got eggs, bologna, and yogurt." Looking over his shoulder at her, he frowned, noticing how uncomfortable she looked. "I've got cherry turn-overs, too," he added, returning to the refrigerator.
"I've never had a turn-over," Bella admitted, sliding down onto the edge of the couch.
Nodding, he pulled out the package and set them on the counter before digging out a small cookie sheet. He didn't speak while he prepared the turn-overs, smoothing the dough onto the sheet and filling them with filling. Turning on the oven, he set the cookie sheet inside, setting the timer on the stove. Walking over to his medications, he bent and picked them up.
"I hate taking these," he muttered, dropping them onto his coffee table. "But they're the only way I can function most of the time."
"How long have you known?" wondered Bella, reaching out and grabbing his hand.
Sighing, he let her pull him down onto the couch next to her. "Nine months."
"Oh," she blanched.
"I started having headaches," he began, leaning back against the couch. "At first, we thought they were from stress, or maybe migraines, but none of the meds they prescribed me helped, so we started running tests." Shifting his body, he turned and faced her. "I think I knew, even before the CT Scan proved anything."
"The tumor," she sighed.
He nodded as the timer in the kitchen chimed. Releasing her hand, he walked back into the kitchen, pulling the cookie sheet out of the oven. "We ran more tests, MRI and biopsy."
Edward drizzled the icing over the warm pastries, placing three on each plate and digging a fork for each of them out of his silverware drawer. He set the two plates on the table before his medications and returned to the kitchen, returning with two bottles of water.
Handing her a plate, he sat on the edge of the cushions, grabbing a pill bottle and dropping one into his hand. Bella watched in horror while he proceeded to take one from each bottle, popping them into his mouth like they were candy. Unscrewing the lid on his water bottle, he swallowed them down, wincing.
"They taste like crap," he muttered, feeling her watching him. Shifting his gaze to her, he frowned. "They leave a bad aftertaste."
"I bet," she replied, unsure of what to say. Taking a deep breath, she cut a corner piece off of one of her pastries, holding it up to his mouth. "Maybe this will help."
A faint smile spread when he wrapped his lips around her fork. It didn't help, but he wouldn't tell her. She was doing what she could to handle the awkward situation. He'd barely begun dealing with the reality of his fate when he met Bella. Clearing her throat, she blushed and cut off another bite for her, moaning when the sweetness melted in her mouth.
Edward fell back on the couch, laughing. "I take it by the moan that you like them."
"Very much," she giggled, feeling her face heat even more.
Turning on the radio but keeping the volume down, they finished their food silently, unasked questions lingering between them. Edward knew he'd have to face them, just like she had to when he needed answers, but he dreaded each one. They were nothing more than a reminder of who he was losing; the only woman he'd ever loved.
Destiny turned against him once more.
—WSHB—
Bella wandered over to Edward's entertainment center while he cleared away the dishes. Picking a picture off the middle shelf, she smiled, running her fingers across his reflection. Based on the green graduation robe and cap, she gathered the picture captured the moments after he graduated from high school. Standing on either side, were his parents. His mother glowed as she gazed up at her son, standing a good foot shorter than him. Elizabeth Masen had long, curly auburn hair and bright green eyes, but her smile stood out the most. Clearly, she was proud of the man standing next to her, and it showed.
On the other side of Edward was his father, a tall, husky man with dark brown hair and the same mesmerizing eyes that Edward had. With broad shoulders and thick hands, Edward Sr. towered over Edward by several inches, but the pride on his features matched his wife's. Bringing her hand up to her chest, Bella fought back her jealousy over the love he'd received as a child.
"That was taken three months before my mom passed."
Bella was startled, not hearing him come up behind her.
"Sorry," he whispered, placing one hand on her hip while taking the photo from her. "I thought you heard me."
"You're quiet," she mumbled, shivering from his touch. "You have his eyes."
"I do."
Edward smiled, placing the picture back on the shelf. Wrapping his other arm around her from behind, he leaned his forehead onto her shoulder.
"Your head hurts again, doesn't it?" wondered Bella, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair. Nodding, he sighed, enjoying her touch too much. "Maybe you should head to bed."
Panicking, he snapped his head up, spinning her around. "Are you leaving me?"
"No," she stammered, surprised by the sudden movement. "Not if you don't want me to."
"I never want you to leave," he grumbled, releasing her and taking a step back. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I reacted like that."
Taking a deep breath, she stepped up to him, laying her hand on his chest, feeling him tremble at her touch. "I'm here," she promised, knowing in her heart she was too far gone to ever leave him now.
Closing his eyes, he allowed a single tear to travel down his cheek, falling onto her pearly white skin. "I meant what I said, Bella. I love you."
Weeping softly, she leaned up on her toes, covering his lips with hers, "I love you, too."
Taking Edward's hand in hers, she led him into his bedroom, pulling on the bottom of his T-shirt. Allowing her to tug it over his head, he smiled, knowing that for at least one night, they would have each other.
Keeping his boxers on, he climbed into bed while she grabbed his shirt off the floor and headed into the bathroom. Her hands shook while she removed her clothes, letting his scent dull the pain when she pulled on his shirt.
Walking back into his room, she found him curled on his side, gripping his hair between his fingers. Bella climbed into bed behind him, sliding one arm around his waist. Laying her cheek on the side of his head, she held him while he drifted off to sleep.
Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews. And a huge thank you to Sunflower Fran for cleaning up my mess. Just a reminder that I believe in HEA. Just might take a minute to get there.