Enjoy!

AMNE POV

It was bloody, to say the least.

The Githyanki doctor turned on us the second she realised that not only had Lae'zel survived the 'purification', but she had destroyed the machine too. Was that her mental fortitude or the already established weirdness with our tadpoles? I guess it didn't matter. It was done, and then we had to fight. And with every Gith that fell to us, our blades only raised once they forced our hand, I hated myself a little more. But also hated them. I didn't want to hurt them, but we had to try this option, we had to see if Lae'zel was right. Because at that point, all we had was a chance. And as much as I didn't know about my past, and as much as my own damned identity was hidden to me, I knew I wanted to live. Even if only to find out the rest. Even if only to spend the rest of my days running away from that woman from the vision, that terrifying laughter that made my hands shake as the fight raged on.

But I had them with me.

Our little band, brought together from all corners of this world. And of course, some worlds beyond. But bonded. We had fought together, tried, bled, healed, and now we would protect. Outside of the machine, Lae'zel was of course fighting hard, but she was unsteady. We stayed close, keeping her upright, but still letting her release that rage. Everything she had been told was false. Purification was a lie. It was a lure to bring the infected in to be slaughtered in a controlled way, to sweep them under the rug. I had no idea how deep that betrayal would sting, but judging from the ferocity with which Lae'zel wielded her blade, it was pretty damn deep. But like I said, she was unsteady, and eventually, her strength gave out. We'd made it to the lobby. And so far the alarm hadn't been raised that far from the doctor's rooms. It wouldn't take long though.

But Lae'zel didn't want to leave. Of course, we all thought she was mad. I couldn't deny it, as everyone else pointed to that door, to that chance of escape, I was tempted. To leave this mishap behind us. But then she looked at me. And that face, usually so pinched in disapproval or carefully masked in indifference, it was screaming out in agony. She had to know more, to understand. She had followed protocol, she had done as ordered, and nearly died for the privilege.

"We cannot go. Not yet." She shook her head, teeth bared. "I must see Kith–" the named seemed to choke her. She shook her head. "I must. Leaving without that is impossible. Impossible." She repeated, eyes glazing over for that moment, her mind no doubt still scattered after the machine. I sincerely hoped it was only temporary, the damage.

I held her shoulders steady. "You're sure it's worth the risk? To go deeper when this has already got so bloody?"

She held my shoulders too, and fixed me with that stare. "Yes. I have trusted you with my journey so far, do the same for me now. Do not make me regret my faith in your honour."

I hung my head, and looked to the others. "We have to see if we can find them. Look at her, she's fought by us, defended us, done it all with the promise of reaching here. And now we have to–"

"Run." Shadowheart snarled. Edging towards the exit as she spoke. "We've already nearly died for this craziness. It didn't work. So now you want to trust her decisions further by going deeper into this nest of vipers?"

"Yes."

Shadowheart stared at me, faltering a little under my stare. She clicked her tongue. "Why?"

"Because I would do the same of you if you asked it. No doubt in our travels something like this will come up for you, and you can cash in on this moment. Not that you would need to, but if that helps you accept this task, then go for it. Consider it payment ahead of time. Please."

She looked me over. "And what do you get out of it?"

"Knowing that I damn well listened to an ally as much as they'd listened to me. So far, none of you have made me feel foolish for my memory issue. You've not made me feel doubted, or questioned. You've been there and allowed me to stumble about like a damned fool when I needed to, but by being beside me and propping me up when need be. So right now, if that's what Lae'zel needs then–"

"I need no propping." She scoffed, but as I rolled my eyes she gave a small huff. "Though the sentiment applies, I suppose. The Cleric doubts me, and she is right to do so after the Purification. But tell me this Cleric, do you have another option to hand? I wish to speak to my people to discover what has gone wrong. Was the Doctor a rogue agent perhaps?"

We all winced. That was wishful thinking.

Astarion cleared his throat. "Ladies, as much as I enjoy a cat-fight, could we stumble upon a decision anytime soon? I believe we have company incoming from those big doors."

I looked to Shadowheart, and found her still considering me closely, studying like she was seeking something out. And as her expression cleared, I guess she found it.

She nodded. "Alright. We indulge you this one more time Gith. And then we flee."

Lae'zel dipped her head. "Agreed. Follow me."

And that's how I came face to face with a god.

Well sort of. Lich Queen? Something. Anyway, regardless, she was big, loud and bloody scary. And as she scorned us, and demanded those things, I had never felt smaller. I think. Though I admit, there was something familiar in that sense of powerlessness. Like I could be overtaken at any moment. And by my own will or not. Lae'zel on the other hand, at least, initially looked inspired. She was stood before the being she had dedicated her life to. But then… It all changed. She was demeaned, questioned, doubted. And that inspiration curdled.

We were forced into the prism. We had a task demanded of us.

To kill the one who had been sheltering us this whole time.

But as we stood in that strange space, the astral sea all around, my mind feeling so opened and yet so pressed in on, I had no idea what to trust. The Gith, for all their prowess in beating the Illithid's had thus far given me no reason to trust them. I trusted Lae'zel. Absolutely. But she was not her people, and her people so far had been cruel, viscous and above all, simply wanted us dead for existing. And I knew why. Their fear of the Illithid regime made sense. It was a palpable fear for them that tainted every day they managed to walk free of those chains. But that didn't make it my fault. Or Gales. Or Astarion's. Or Shadowhearts. We all had our own lives, our own dreams, our own reasons to want to walk freely again. Even if we didn't know all those reasons for each other just yet.

But what we did know, was that we were still alive, because of this stranger.

And so their words about Queen Vlaakith rang truer than I expected.

But it was Lae'zel's call. She had been given a direct order by her Queen, by her deity. We couldn't stand in the way of that. Not really. I could see indecision in the others eyes, but the stranger stood firm. The Queen wished to continue her lies. She wished to have them dead because they knew her reign was built on a lie. The Prince Orpheus was the true heir, that the throne had been stolen, that the Lich Queen was nothing but falseness.

But it was too much. So much betrayal at once, so much upheaval, and right after that machine had torn into Lae'zel's mind. I took hold of Lae'zel's arm. She shrugged me off initially, bared teeth and anger. But then she stopped. She looked. And she stilled. She let me in via the parasite, once again; I showed her my own theory, that the Queen would have her men waiting for us outside the prism, ready to kill us either way. Loose ends. If the stranger spoke true, the Queen couldn't risk anyone having talked to the stranger getting out alive. That would lead to spreading doubts. Rumour. And that would begin to unwind her web. But if we left the prism and found nothing amiss, the stranger would still be there within to be killed afterwards, and their story proven untrue. She nodded and looked to the portal. We would return if need be, or, we would have another fight on our hands.

We all know what we found.

No surprises here.

Bloodied was the name of the day it seemed, and as much as our team fought well, it was also their third or fourth fight of the day. We were running on fumes. My arms ached from wielding my blades, and more and more I had to dip into that strange urge I felt for the violence. Using that odd pull within me to drive myself forward. Yes, more blood please. More. Red everywhere. Give it to me, give it to the world, let me paint with it and make it gleam! Safe to say, I also kept pulling myself back when the mania made my hands shake. So close to the surface if I actively sought it out. Damn. Still, it kept me moving, kept me fighting. So for now, it served a purpose.

They all fought on. Astarion was paler than usual as a wound bled from his shoulder. When had he got that? It had soaked his sleeve already, and left a trail along the ground. Gale was running low on magic, his movements growing slower by the moment. Shadowheart was the same. Lae'zel had her usual ferocity, but that clouded effect from the machine remained. And then there was Karlach, our burning star. On and on she fought, yelling, raging, bellowing out her outrage at these people for turning on Lae'zel, for lying to their people. A wrong had been done, and so Karlach would set it right. As I stabbed into another enemy, his spells guttering to nothing, she felled another behind my back, who had been about to slice my throat. And then an arrow swished past us both and impaled one last guard between the eyes. Astarion was propped against a nearby pillar, panting, a sheen of sweat on his brow, but grinning as we saw him lower his bow. A team indeed.

And so we ran.

No one bothered with the 'I told you so', Lae'zel's downcast gaze was enough of a notch on that belt. And we had enough ground to cover. We fled back into the wilds and only stopped when a hill stood between us and the no-doubt chaos imbued creche. But we had made it. No, we hadn't got the cure we hoped for, and no we had no new answers, only new questions. But it was still progress. And that was what I focused on as we retraced our steps back to the previous valley. To where we had allies waiting. Maybe even a party. Frivolous perhaps, but in the wake of so much violence, a needed balm.

As we passed the peak, about to re-enter the next valley, we stopped for a breather.

As I said, fumes. We were all totally spent.

We made a small make-shift camp, ate some food, drank some water, and let our bones rest. The day was still young, even though it felt like we had been inside the creche for a week. As Shadowheart slumped by the small campfire, it was clear that we had run ourselves ragged. She had been so generous with her healing spells. My own ailments were long gone, and Astarion was stretching out his newly repaired shoulder.

Lae'zel was to the side, hugging herself tight, looking to the view beyond. Where we had come from. Back towards the creche she had been forced to flee. Did she need to be alone or to be spoken with? I had no idea. And as my exhaustion settled in my bones, I knew I wasn't going to be much use. Not that it mattered much. Karlach stood, winked at me and headed over herself. Unless Lae'zel took it all entirely the wrong way, I had the hope that Karlach's determined optimism might help in that moment. It was easy to assume Lae'zel would be lost in that fog of anger for days, but as they spoke, I saw a light in her eyes. Perhaps part of her had always wondered about the Prince's legend. Perhaps she had guessed at the issues underlying the Queen's rule. Maybe. Or maybe I was clutching at straws that might mean our Githyanki friend might be spared some pain.

"For one moment, just one, could you look a little less thoughtful?" Astarion rumbled, coming to sit by me, raising a brow and offering the waterskin.

I took it and sipped. "Meaning?"

"Some folks, like myself, can occasionally simply be empty minded. Look at the world and simply be. But you… I'm not so sure. Always something rumbling around between those ears, isn't there?"

"I guess so." I simpered and tilted my head. "And don't pretend. You're not empty headed. Far from it."

He raised his brows. "This better not be another accusation of brooding."

"No, more… musing."

He smirked. "Very well. I shall allow it."

"Gracious of you, sir." I sipped again and then handed it along to Gale.

Astarion then nudged me. "How are you fairing by the way? I can't say it was an easy day for anyone, but you did take it on after a uh… Well, a trying day beforehand as well, shall we say?"

And still he was concerned. So much for the aloofness.

"I'm doing good." I smiled. "Thank you."

A strange look passed over his features. Gratitude? Relief? I couldn't be sure. But as soon as I'd registered it, it was gone again.

I nudged him. "You fought well today."

"One must, if one wishes to see tomorrow." He shrugged and watched the flames for a moment, the warm light dancing along the planes of his angular face. "But thank you. It's always nice to be appreciated for ones work."

"I like to think you're appreciated for more than that."

He frowned. "Such as?"

"Well… The way you said it made it sound like you have to be of use in order to be appreciated."

His lips opened as if he intended to refuse, but then they simply closed again, and a small smile appeared. Not a smirk. Not a sneer. A smile. Fuck. He really was dazzling. I turned back to the flames when his eyes flitted to me again, unsure of whether or not I had crossed a line with those words. It was always so hard to tell with Astarion how close or not he wished things to be. And at the same time, I struggled to know my own want as well. I liked being near him. I enjoyed talking with him. Was that allowed? Was I allowed to want more? To think of him as beautiful, to have those lingering moments of looking, longing even?

He got up, but before he left he gave a small brush of his fingers against my shoulder. "You are appreciated as well, my dear."

And he walked away.

Well okay… What does that mean?!

As he walked away, I found myself struggling to look away that time. Today he had been wounded. Pale. Struggling. We all had been. But something about it tugged on my heart, made me feel the sands slipping past faster and faster. Maybe it was time to stop waiting around for something to make sense. Maybe… I should just act on this feeling. Be bold. Know what I want, accept that and… go for it.

Thanks for reading!