A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

188. Chapter 190

Arthur Pendragon hadn't wasted any time giving his orders to Knight Derrick and Knight Tristian on what to do with the former Knight Charles. He would be sent to the mines, after being stripped of his rank, and doomed to work among the miners for however long he was needed there. Charles would be placed on the first cart ride out of the city, since there was really no reason for him to be hanging around a place he clearly wasn't wanted. Of course, that first ride may not be for a few days yet…after the creature had attacked the city, the city had went on an immediate lockdown. For the safety of both the people and knights that managed to survive the assault on their fair land, nobody was going to be allowed to leave or come until they could be sure the creature had truly met its end, and would no longer be a deadly foe of Camelot. Arthur did fear they may be hold up within the walls of the kingdom for months, considering what little he managed to do, had largely unaffected the giant bird of a beast. Which was why Arthur was now standing in his father's throne room, giving him a detailed report on what had happened outside, though his father only seemed as if he was interested in one part of the story…that Arthur had managed to chase the thing away from the kingdom.

"I knew that there was nothing to worry about, even when the screams echoed and the walls started to shake as dust fell from the ceiling, I knew that there'd be nothing to worry about. A giant bird taking out Camelot's next leader…such a thought would be laughable." Uther said, him and several other knights that had been in charge of guarding his father during the catastrophe surrounding Arthur, making the prince feel closed in and smothered. Arthur still gave Uther a thin lipped smile, politely showing his gratitude at the roundabout praise his father was giving him. It had hardly felt like a victory to Arthur, not when it still felt as if he was in mid-battle. The adrenaline in his body making him restless, having to force his hands to stop trembling as he tried coming down from the rush…feeling the phantom heat that had came from the torch Arthur had used to chase the creature away in the end. The sound of Merlin's skull smashing on the ground echoing in his ears like a whip snapping through the air. "You were always tough on your knights. Arthur. And many asked whether or not you are being too hard on them, considering we are in a time of peace among the five great kingdoms. But you proved 'why' your knights are the best in all the land. We would have lost many more knights if they hadn't trained directly beneath you."

It felt bittersweet to Arthur, being faced with his father's proud glee…all Arthur wanted, for the most part, was to make his father at least pleased with him or the choices he makes. But it was hard to prosper under the glee, when he had not killed the beast. And it was hard to take joy in surviving the day when they had lost ten men in the crossfire…twenty men had fought with the prince out in the courtyard, but only ten had returned. And out of that ten, five had returned with heavy wounds and would be out of commission for at least several weeks before they were able to pick back up a sword, yet alone be allowed to train or participate in a fight or be chosen for a mission or battle. And here Arthur was, largely unscathed despite having been front and center during the creature's attack. It made Arthur feel guilty, as if HE should have been one of the knights currently laid up and being tended to by the other lesser known medics. Gaius was…a bit busy, to see to their care personally, though he would obviously be stopping by later on to make sure everything was the way it should be.

"And your consort…should I dare ask how he fared during the battle? Some of my knights have informed me he was out there as well, getting in the way and such. Quite a strange thing considering I vividly recall sentencing him to a stay in his room for the time being, one that I hardly remember lifting." Uther said in a sterner tone, sending a glare over Arthur's shoulder, the prince didn't bother to look back himself. He already knew what he would find there…Merlin sitting in a chair Arthur had graciously provided for him once it became clear that the boy wasn't going to simply retire back to his room and miss what was going on now. Gaius couldn't even convince him to go, though Merlin had sent him this silent glare, as lackluster as it had been from his usual anger, looking as if he'd only done it from habit, before grudgingly taking the seat. Small miracle that'd been, though Arthur considered the mild concussion must've been worse than anybody thought if Merlin was willing to take the seat in the first place. "I don't understand his presence here at all! And I haven't heard a single good reason as to why I shouldn't have that boy locked away in the dungeons to wait for my decision to let him out since his room isn't doing the job. Gaius, though Merlin has been raised peasant, I would've expected for you to have taught him a few things by now. Like how it's not prudent to constantly be angering the one that decides what his life is like here."

Arthur's lips thinned into a sharp line of disgruntlement, an agitation pounding away inside his heart…wasn't Arthur the one that got to decide what life Merlin had within this kingdom? It felt as if his father was trying to lay some claim on Merlin, something that went beyond a king and his subject. If the king thought he had some claim on Merlin, then he should have done a better job at making sure the knights he sent to guard Merlin weren't ones that already had a mark on their record against them. Charles…the man was the only knight that would be uninjured, and yet, not seen for quite some time. Forever, if Arthur could be given that option. Perhaps it was crude to have Charles punished twice for his crimes against Merlin, the man had just been released from his two month long stint in the dungeons after his last failure to do his job in protecting Merlin, but it really was the man's fault that he had been sent to the mines. What the fuck had he been thinking, accepting 'another' protect Merlin job…Arthur shook his head, he was wasting his time thinking anymore on that utter disgrace.

"You know how teens are sire, always getting where they shouldn't be."

Gaius was very bland when he said this, his hands clenched firmly around the consort's shoulders behind, squeezing them gently. Arthur doubted his father saw the hint of annoyance behind the aged physcian's words, considering his father simply hummed under his breath and continued giving Merlin the stink eye for disobeying him in the first place. Arthur's lips thinned even more, until they looked like a solid white line…perhaps Gaius simply didn't want more of the king's ire to be lashed out against Merlin if he said what he was feeling for real. But Arthur felt like SOMETHING should be said…even as furious as he is at Merlin for putting himself in danger, the lives that he had said needed to be acknowledged. Or, at the very least, acknowledged to his father, just so Uther understands how much of an…asset…Merlin turned out to be while Arthur was otherwise occupied. Arthur couldn't stop himself from singing Merlin's praises if he wanted too, the words flying from his lips in tandem with his father's ugly anger.

"Father, surely your punishment can be suspected for a time here due to these circumstances. What's the point in finding this…master forger that you want to find if Camelot is desecrated in the crossfire. Many people probably would not have made it out of the courtyard if my consort didn't put himself in danger so he could get them out. Many of the citizens owe Merlin their lives, and that will not be simply overlooked by those from the lower town. Besides, Merlin is one of the only people that had direct contact with this beast, and one of the first people that it attacked. Should he, in the capacity of my Consort, not allowed to sit in and listen to how we will proceed next?"

Personally, Arthur would weather have Merlin return to his rooms, the one that rested in Gaius' chambers, since he liked it there so much and it would be way more comfortable there while he rested up after his injury. But he could hardly afford to have an actual fight in front of his father, since Merlin was way more stubborn than any other man or creature that Arthur had ever encountered in his life, a simple head injury wouldn't stop him from being there. Arthur should just count his lucky stars that Merlin had sat in the chair. And besides…Arthur remembered coming into the castle after the battle, trailing after Merlin while being followed by Gaius…he SAW the dozens of people spread out across the front steps of the castle. Men, and women, and children…alive and well for the most part, but had been left to fend for themselves. Arthur knew his men and him had done what they were able to against the beast, little as that had been, but Merlin had been their own person savior. He had heard the whispers, he'd see the way his people had stared, saw their wonder and awe and it had broke Arthur's anger to bits. Arthur could be as angry as he wanted at Merlin putting his life in danger, but at the end of the day…both Merlin and many people were still alive. His father should know that, should know that Merlin wasn't simply a boy who broke Camelot's code and laws on a whim, but somebody that could be even BETTER than any of them had ever expected.

And maybe Arthur wanted to brag a little bit…

He rarely got a chance to do it.

"And on that note…I know that the creature is still out there. I much means that it could very well come back here."

Arthur effortlessly moved the conversation away from Merlin before his father had a chance to rebuke anything he had said. But the reminder of that monster being out there somewhere, the thought of it being able to come and go when it pleased, the helplessness that came when none of his weapons worked well enough against it…left a heaviness in Arthur's belly. As if somebody had gone and forced Arthur to swallow a stone the size of a large egg, sitting heavy and still in his gut. He put on a brave face for his father and for Merlin watching the both of them, but…he was at a loss of what to do now. Arthur had fought off an untold number of bandits before, had braved himself against trained men who had came far and wide over the entire country, had even fought off a sorcerer or two. But all of those fights he had won had something in common…Arthur'd been able to sink his blade into their body and be done with it. Watch as they dropped and their treat to his safety and the safety of his men be neutralized in seconds. Arthur had never fought against something before that seemed to be impervious to the weapons Camelot favored. Arthur didn't even think trying to branch out and find different types of weapons from foreign lands would be enough to damage the monster. If a sword couldn't do anything, and if a torch had only been enough to scare it off, then…what could a simple man do when in combat against it? Without a sword in Arthur's hand…what use would Arthur, a simple man, be against it?

"Then we shouldn't wait around for it! I refuse to have my kingdom just sitting around, waiting for it like a duck waiting for a hunter to cross its path. It's been both a plague and a nuisance to the land for too much, and I refuse to just idly around waiting for that thing to get hungry and return to take more bites out of my men." Uther immediately stated, his attention actually waning from Merlin's presence to the real situation at hand, and he wasn't wrong. They were literally sitting ducks, the kingdom fraught with tension and fear stinking up the air, all of them nothing more than toys at the whim of this monster. "Since that horrid monster has already came to our kingdom once, I think it's time to do counter striking. It's came onto our lands, it's only fair that we track it down and put it out of its miserable existence once and for all. Before it has a chance to come back and do more damage to my kingdom."

Arthur nodded solemnly…it sounded like a solid plan, and going after it felt like it would be their best advantage. Taking it off guard, destroying its nest like it had destroyed their home seemed only fair, though…this 'solid plan' would've probably worked better if they were planning on raiding a Druid camp or some other similar enemy. Druids and the like were people, able to be taken down as easily as people could be, once you got around their magic or if you managed to surprise them somehow. This monster though, was a whole different level of evil, something Arthur could've never prepared for. Hacking away at the beast was only liable to make his sword dull, was most likely going to only end when it literally bit off Arthur's head. No matter how strong his father said him or his men were…it still wouldn't end this creature. How would surprising it work, if it was stronger than their weapons? How could Arthur land a killing blow, if it had skin and fur and feathers that were tougher than steel itself. He felt like he was hopeless…what kind of leader was he going to be if he allowed a giant chicken, bird like…thing! wipe Camelot straight off the map.

"Sire, perhaps if I might interject here, surprising the creature might not be the best plan to go with. I've been spending many days looking into this beast and what it was. With Consort Merlin's description from the first time it tried to kill him, I believe that I was able to figure out exactly what it was." Gaius suddenly decided to voice his opinion in a way that Arthur felt like he could not, but the words got everyone's attention easily. Arthur even turned around to listen with the rest of them, though his eyes briefly dropped onto Merlin who was picking at the sleeve of his jacket absentmindedly. This far away look on his face that had Arthur's worry pricking at his skin…was Merlin's mild concussion starting to get worse? Surely Gaius would've noticed and insisted if Merlin really had to rest. "I believe that it's a beast called…a griffin. A magical, mythological beast that hasn't been seen by human eyes in…eons. I honestly thought they did not exist, until my nephew described it for me. And after seeing it flying away with my own eyes, I don't doubt that it's true."

Arthur held his breath until it felt like his lungs were going to burst without any proper airflow…a griffin. Arthur had never heard of such a thing in his life, and it was a name Arthur probably would've dismissed if he hadn't seen the horrid damage it was able to cause. A griffin…a griffin had wings and a head like it is an eagle, and it had the body of a horse. It could fly around for miles, and was able to use its talons as if they were knives, it couldn't be stabbed because its skin was harder than concrete. Was all of this because of magic…this shiver of untold fear worked its way down his spine like it always did whenever he stood in front of such things. Reminding Arthur why he had to keep fighting, another reminder about why magic shouldn't be allowed to exist in the world. The thing had killed many of his men without hesitation or pause…the witch that tried to kill him in the caves last month had been magic, and…the glowing ball that had saved his life and that of his consort's had also been a brand of magic. Unholy and wicked in most ways…had the ball actually been wicked as well? Even if it had done nothing more than offer him comfort and peace and safety during a time in which he had needed it most of all. Arthur didn't know, and he did not want to bother thinking about it now. Ball of magical energy aside…the beast is a clear and obvious danger. And it was using magic to its advantage.

"I don't have time for this, physician."

Arthur's father was entirely dismissive of Gaius' information, already turning to put his back to the other man so he could converse with his knights, probably find volunteers that would go with Arthur to find where this beast would lay its head at night. If it even slept, perhaps magical beasts did not have too. But the prince wanted to know, and Gaius was the first real lead he had about what he could do. Hunting a boar or deer in the woods was easy, hunting a griffin is not going to be the same thing. And Arthur knew well enough that information was power, and information could be the difference between life or death. Even if it was wrong, even if Gaius had misidentified the thing-which Arthur doubted if it had Merlin's positive identification-surely they could at least hear him out. The prince could never remember Gaius being wrong before whenever he brought something to the table, a trait he clearly shared with his nephew, so why would something as important as this be any different? Arthur wanted to hear, and he knew Gaius wanted to be heard, as the man spoke up despite Uther's obvious dismissal of him.

"It is born of magic, sire. And it can only be destroyed by magic."

Gaius interrupted his father, being braver than most man would've been when the king had already dismissed their 'silly notions.' Uther stopped speaking to the other knights, surprised at the interrupted more than anything, and out the corner of Arthur's eye, he could see Merlin's head pop up. But for once, Arthur wasn't drawn to him like a moth drawn to a flame…all the pieces were forming into some kind of misshapen puzzle in his mind…magic. It, oddly enough, was starting to make sense…magic was such an unknown entity to Arthur. Clearly it would need something just as strange and as odd to destroy it for good. Magic was the cause for all of this…Lancelot had said his sword had shattered at the first contact it had with this beast…Arthur's spear had snapped in two like it'd been nothing but a toothpick. But…how did this fact help Arthur? How could it help him kill a beast when…when magic was a forbidden topic.

"You are clearly mistaken, and the boy obviously is as well. He's already hit his head the once, who's to say he didn't hit his head during his first encounter to the beast? Obviously it's addled his mind enough that he would probably claim any sketching the same as the creature that attacked him." Uther said with his usual blunt, I don't have the time or patience to deal with such drivel, tone that he used whenever somebody told him something that he didn't want to hear at the moment…or at all. "Besides, this creature is of flesh and blood just like any other creature is. It can be struck down with one well aimed blow just as other ones can be. My son has proved that he can take this beast on already, which is not something that I could say if it wasn't true."

Uther's comment sent another spark of irritation through the prince, so strong that it almost surprised Arthur by it. Not by the comments about himself…that kind of pride was rare and would only turn to sour disappointment once Uther realized Arthur wasn't as successful as he thought he was. But the comments he made about Merlin…acting as if Merlin didn't know what he'd been talking about…acting as if Merlin was more interested in spreading tales than getting down to the truth. How many times had Arthur behaved in the same manor, or had dismissed Merlin's input because he hadn't wanted to hear it? Merlin had told Arthur about the beast! All those days ago…when Arthur had tricked him into attending their first 'date' together…he had described it for Arthur! He'd been traumatized by that thing! How could his father really stand there trying to claim Merlin had fed Gaius the wrong information, and therefore Gaius had been researching the wrong creature, causing a waste of all their time. Merlin had been face to face with that thing while Arthur had been safe and sound in the castle, unaware of another jumping into his place to pull Merlin away from the danger zone. If they could trust anybody to describe it to Gaius, then it'd be Merlin, who could've gone deep down with his details.

"Consort Merlin was not suffering any type of head injury when he returned to my care after the incident in the woods. He knew what had happened, what is going on, and was even aware enough to help out the stranger that saved his life and now rots in the dungeons." Gaius said bluntly, Uther's nose lifting up in disgust at the physcian's casual mention of the 'traitor' still resting miles and miles beneath their very feet. "Besides, I could probably find several first hand accounts from those who were out on the courtyard, and have them give me a positive ID on the sketching I have showing the creature. Not to mention I also have my own eyes, and saw the creature itself when it was flying away. It was quite obviously a griffin, and needs to be treated with the same threat level we would treat any…magical threat to the kingdom."

Gaius' hands went tighter around Merlin's shoulders, and while Arthur briefly questioned whether or not Gaius was starting to hurt Merlin, his attention was once again drawn to his father. Who still wore that same dismissive expression on his face, his lip curling up slightly in disgust, and…no. Arthur forced himself to strengthen up despite the exhaustion pulling on his bones and threatening to upheaval him from his feet. Arthur could feel it down to his core…Gaius was right. The aged physician had researched this thing using Merlin's description as the key to all the answers they needed…Magic could only destroy magic…it was something not even his father could deny. Uther might be willing to try to dismiss Gaius…because he was scared of magic? Because he thought nothing magical would be dumb enough to attack Camelot? Because Uther thought he knew better than somebody who had the whole library at his disposal to figure out their problems. Arthur didn't know which reason…he just knew he couldn't follow the same path his father was willing to walk blindly down.

"Father, I think that there is truth in what Gaius said, and it is probably best for us to listen to him. He would surely have figured out by now if he was looking into the wrong beast among his books. Especially now that he's seen the thing for himself. It…this…this griffin-" Arthur's lips formed around the word, feeling as if he was saying something sinful and dirty. Saying 'griffin' felt just like it did when he said 'magic'. Or 'gay' even. Something that Arthur shouldn't ever say or speak about. Something that Arthur should keep hidden as if it was a dirty little secret. Something that shouldn't be spoken about in 'polite company'. "Is unharmed as far as I could see. Our weapons seemed completely unless when used against it. Maybe we can explain away my spear snapping, even with the staff being as well made as it was. But we certainly cannot explain away having it shattering a sword. Which is exactly what Lancelot told me happened when he described his encounter with the beast before his deception came out-"

Arthur cut himself off abruptly when his father sharpened his glare on him, a cold look in his eye, and Arthur realized his mistake almost immediately. He'd mentioned Lancelot. It wasn't the first time his name had been brought up with this conversation, but it was the first time Arthur had spoken it. And spoken of him in a way that said…Lancelot might've been onto something with his stories on what happened. Arthur had spoken about the 'traitor' as if he might've had something worthwhile to bring to their decision making. And really…what could a peasant bring to the table that their most skilled knight couldn't have…other than first hand experience that his still well-bodied knights couldn't say they had. But his father wasn't going to let Lancelot's lies go, wasn't going to allow Arthur to turn to HIM in their time of need…Arthur had already lost his father's agreement before he had even gained it.

"Ridiculous. That…that…that BOY you brought into my court obviously doesn't know what he's talking about! He'll make up anything to get our attention, and clearly used this beast to get your trust. I thought you would have been able to see such an obvious ploy to win over you, our prince. But then again, I thought you also would have seen the boy for the peasant he was long enough you had me knighting him." Uther said, his lip curling in disgust, unable to resist getting in his dig, obviously unforgiving about Arthur being tricked, which had brought only humiliation to the royal family. His past failure hit Arthur like a lash, which caused his fists to clench on either side of him, his chest tightening like it did when his father expressed disappointment. Off to the side, Arthur could hear a brief clattering coming from Merlin's chair, and the muted hissing of Gaius…he could at least be grateful Gaius had stopped the scene Merlin would cause. He didn't doubt his father's temper wouldn't have him locking Merlin back inside the suites if he tried to defend Lancelot right now. Merlin might even admit he was the one who made the forgery, and that…all hell would've broken out after that. The least Arthur could do…the least he could do was keep Uther's anger on himself…another penance for the things he'd done to Merlin in the past. Or another way to keep Merlin out of his father's way. "Besides, I doubt that boy even knows how to properly take care of a sword to begin with. If he had one to begin with, if he didn't lie about that considering peasants shouldn't have a sword to begin with, whose to say it didn't break because it was old and worn out and already rusted to the base. Bound to break. It surely wasn't the Beast that broke the weapon down, but clearly his own incompetence."

There was another clatter coming from the chair…Merlin was starting to grow more and more riled up but it was only Gaius' firm grip on his shoulders that stopped him from doing something stupid. Like rushing Arthur. Clearly what leftover pains he'd been feeling after Arthur smashed him into the ground had abated enough…Arthur should be relieved by that. But all he felt was dread…keeping his head down was the best option. Maybe Uther would continue to lecture him, forcing him to feel as if it was only a few inches taller, treated as a naive child in front of men who were supposed to be lead by him. They should be worried about that GRIFFIN reappearing on the horizon, but Uther was only interested in proving himself right even when all the facts were telling him that he was wrong.

"Now…since this beast has already tasted the steel of our blade once, I believe the next time will be the last. How long do you believe it will take you to gather the knights to ride after this creature?"

There were those words again…beast and creature. Uther was so adamant that this griffin wasn't an actual magical being, that he was even refusing to use its proper name. In one insane moment, Arthur wanted to point out what the thing was actually called, because denying it wasn't going to change the cold facts of the situation. It wasn't going to change the fact that Uther firmly expected for Arthur to order a horse readied for him. Expected for him to choose a small elite team of knights to ride out into the woods with him. Expected them to be carrying nothing more than the swords and spears that had already proven to be a failure. Expected him to pick which men were going to die with him…since that was exactly what was going to happen. Once Arthur accepted this mission he would have to see it through…he wasn't ever going to see Camelot after he walked past those gates. He would never become king, would never live to see his twenty first summer where he would be officially crowned as the crowned prince of Camelot. Would never see where his life could've gone with Merlin…if they were always going to be stuck the way they were or if he would made any kind of breakthrough with him. Arthur was going to die, filled with what felt like decades and decades of…regret weighing him down. Regret for how he treated Merlin, regret at how he conducted himself, regret for the millions of things he would never get to see or do or accomplish.

Killed by a bloody chicken.

"An hour. Maybe two."

And just like that, Arthur had sealed his fate. And that of his chosen men. And that of his consort. With just a few simple words, weighed down more heavily than they should, Arthur had decided what would happen. And there wasn't a single thing he could do about it when his father nodded, as if he was finally pleased with Arthur's choices. Arthur should be facing this with bravery, he's a knight after all, trained to march into danger without fear. Arthur had prepared himself for dying in all manner of ways, usually in battle where his for landed a lucky hit. Or perhaps a sorcerer finally got one over on him like his father had always feared. But this…this had been a scenario Arthur couldn't have thought of in a million years. It felt like a very…stupid and senseless reason to actually die. Arthur wasn't going down by trying to protect his people. He was walking to his death because of his father's stubbornness, his inability to listen to any form of reasonings…Uther's pride was stronger than Arthur's safety.

And that hurt, even when he expected it.

"Ah, and I have a few things to speak to Gaius about in the meantime. It won't hurt you to escort your consort back to his rooms before you start preparing for your journey. Just be quick about it, I don't want to waste more time than we already have." Uther said bluntly, as if he wasn't making things worse with trying to force Arthur and Merlin in the same vicinity as the other. Arthur's jaw went tight…he didn't know if his father was trying to push the two of them into each other one final time before Arthur marched out to this war, still wanting to show the people their 'devotion' to one another even during times of terrible crisis. Or if his father really had a few words to say to Gaius and wanted to be sure Merlin wouldn't cause any trouble after being left in Arthur's care, as if it had ever stopped Merlin before. "Now go on, the both of you. The adults have to talk, and our consort needs his confinement still, and I do hope you already have in mind who you think will best be suited for this task, Arthur. No wasting time with making choices, we're already pressed as it is."

Pressed to do what, Arthur thought bitterly, this resentment towards his father hitting him stronger than it usually ever did. Arthur was usually so good about hiding his resentment, so good that he almost fooled himself into thinking that it wasn't there at all. But it always was, festering beneath the skin from all the times he learned, when he was a small child, that Uther's duties as a king was always going to trump his duties as a father. Arthur tried understanding, as he knew for the most part that being a king was one of the hardest things a man could be. But times like this…it was harder than ever to understand? Didn't his father care for him at all? Didn't his father question whether or not Arthur was ever going to come home after going on this fool's mission. Was the king really not wanting to waste time, or did he wish to only see Arthur gone that much faster? Those were the questions that Arthur had always been too scared to ask when the risks of his mission seemed too high or questionable, but even heading to his death, Arthur swallowed them down. His father knew best, after all…

"Of course, father."

Arthur murmured this very lowly under his breath, almost forgetting that he'd be alone with Merlin once again, because he thought he might be sick if he did try to speak any louder. It seemed to appease his father though, as Uther gave a sharp nod of the head to his son before snapping his fingers. The other men, the knights who had been protecting his father but could now return back and do their normal duties now that 'Arthur' was going to fix everything, started to head towards the door. Gaius was looking non-pulsed by Uther's command, he had hips lips thinned and was giving Arthur the stink eye. Another adult who'd watched Arthur grow up that he had disappointed…Arthur didn't even want to see what Merlin must be thinking about Arthur once again leading him to that 'death chamber' he hated so much. So he didn't, keeping his eyes focused on someplace ahead of him. He wouldn't allow himself to be caught by the horrid, familiar anger that always hovered in Merlin's eyes when Arthur was near. If he was going to die…he hardly wanted that to be the sight he took with him.

"Wouldn't it be best if my nephew stays with me. I am a physician, after all. He is experiencing a mild concussion and the stress of the stairs alone might end up being too much. It's best that I be with him in case he collapsing if it does prove to be too much." Gaius suggested, tone firm, though from the way that Gaius was still glaring at him, Arthur was pretty sure that wasn't the reason he didn't want Arthur alone with Merlin. Obviously, Arthur thought as he turned to focus his attention on, unfortunately, Merlin's scraped up boots, he knew just as well as Arthur did that Merlin wasn't safe with him. Couldn't stop the other boy from getting a concussion. Couldn't protect him from Arthur's tongue. He couldn't leave him alone to live in peace. Couldn't even trust himself to not do something in Merlin's presence. "And as Arthur's not a trained physician, I just feel more comfortable keeping him with me. We can hardly stand to go losing our consort because our prince jostles him a bit too much trying to herd Merlin back to his room."

It was undignifying, the way both physician and king were talking about Merlin as if he wasn't even there, something that Arthur knew himself to be guilty of doing many times over. Arthur supposed he could blame his father for that, as he had been the one that taught Arthur about his word being the law, far more important than the other meaningless voices trying to speak up. This was the only language his father knew how to speak…one Arthur wasn't sure he would want to continue using. If he could, Arthur would offer Merlin a choice on who would get to be the one that escorted him, because his father wasn't wrong…Merlin couldn't be left to walk across the entire castle by himself. Minor or not, a head injury wasn't something Arthur was interested in playing around with. It was probably going to become the last thing he ever did for his consort…

"I'm sure my son is strong enough to carry the boy the rest of the way should the worst happens. We won't be long. I simply need a review on all the knights that will be out of commission because of injuries, or knights that have passed on and will need to be taken off the roster. So that I know who I am still able to work with and use."

Uther was behaving dismissive once again, and Arthur already knew his father wasn't going to be changing his mind. His father wanted to speak with the man and that was all there was to it. Arthur himself could try protesting until he was blue in the face, but it would change nothing. Him and Merlin…it appeared that the two of them were just destined to be thrown together again and again. And all this arguing was only postponing the inevitable. One more confrontation…a single confrontation more…and then Arthur would say his goodbyes and never be allowed to see Merlin again.

Dead men didn't get to see their husbands.

X

Merlin Pendragon was jittering his leg up and down, up and down, physically unable to hold himself still while he wanted with impatience for Arthur to close the grand doors behind them. The two of them were standing in the hallway on the outside, with not even a single night standing there to witness whatever is about to go down. Merlin was looking everywhere but Arthur as he crossed his arms over his chest before uncrossing them just as fast…the tapestries on the wall and the decorative vases sitting on side tables were doing not one single thing to keep him occupied. He sucked his bottom into his mouth, before the flesh slipped back out before Arthur could turn around. And when the prince finally did, opening his mouth as he gestured for Merlin to go on ahead of him, the volcano inside of Merlin finally exploded.

"Are you really going to go out there and do this!" Merlin shouted, impatience coming out in full force. He had barely been able to believe what he had been listening to in that room, the way the king had dismissed Gaius and ordered Arthur to go…it was bloody insane! Madness! Completely crazy! He would've told Uther exactly that if his uncle hadn't been telling him now wasn't the time to start something. But Merlin HAD to start something. He couldn't be the only one that knew how stupid such an idea was! "You can't just ride out there and face this beast as if it's a run of the mill boar or something! You fought it once already, and nearly got yourself killed in the process! Going after it isn't going to make a single difference! It's a…it's a…it's a suicide mission!"

Suicide mission…suicide…Merlin's lips thinned. The way he saw things, he was either about to drop hard and fall back into the near catatonic state he'd fallen into far too many times already, when his depression had been at its peak. Or he could fight it…fight it for as long as he could. He could start scratching his old claws marks that decorated his wrists until they bled, or he could spend all his time trying to talk Arthur out of his own stupidity. Merlin knew which one of those choices he would weather, but Merlin didn't often get that chance. After these feelings hit him, it was always so hard for him to wade through or figure out how to navigate. He supposed he should be thankful Uther had started to smack talk Lancelot…it had been an anger Merlin had been able to hold onto, an anger that reminded him to be strong. One could be amazed at the power a simple emotion could hold, the way it could form a hidden flame somewhere in his veins and encourage him to keep moving. A light that gave him a reason to fight when everything else kept reminding him otherwise.

"Oh, you would know all about that, wouldn't you."

For a second, Merlin was absolutely stunned by Arthur's quick comeback, his face freezing when he registered what Arthur had just told him. Arthur himself had froze as well, as if he had just realized himself what he had said…so cruel and so ugly and so horrific. Enough that it silenced Merlin. Guilt spread along Arthur's face, his mouth opening as if he was about to release an endless and endless stream of apologies for his misgivings. But Merlin had already grown hard…another reminder, of course. Why stop a man from dying because of his own stupidity, when that very same man had no reservations about throwing Merlin's past in his face.

"…Eat shit."

Merlin didn't wait for Arthur to respond before turning on his heel, storming as fast as he could down the hall to put as much distance as he could between an utter slime ball and himself. His skill was absolutely pounding…Merlin knew he had been stupid, and he was probably going to bear the scars of his stupidity for the rest of his life. But they were his wounds and his marks, and Arthur had absolutely no right to comment on it. What did Arthur know about drowning in depression until it felt like he couldn't breathe? What did the prince know bout what it felt like to feel completely and utterly alone? Arthur didn't know what it felt like to be completely crushed and destroyed and shattered until there was no point in breathing even longer. He was…he was…Merlin was going to hover on this line between the living and the dead for as long as he lived, even after enough time has passed where Merlin could live a somewhat normal life…this was apart of his history. A trauma that had transformed him into something he still didn't know…Arthur may have been the main reason for it, but he was NOT part of anything.

"…I'm sorry."

Merlin glared down hatefully at the floor, staying silent and picking up his pace as if it was going to help him escape from the prince prat that had followed the consort like some kind of silent stalker Merlin had already known was there but had no interest in engaging with. Arthur had said his piece, and that was all he had needed to know. Maybe Merlin had been suicidal, and still teetered on the edge of that thought during darker nights, but he had known full well what he had wanted at the time. He hadn't died on a fool's mission. Merlin could have bloody well helped him! Gaius had said only magic could destroy the monster, the griffin, and Merlin had magic. He could have…he could have…Merlin didn't know what he could have done. But at least he could've done SOMETHING! He felt a little less inclined to do so now though. Let Arthur pick his knights, awful and horrid men most of them were anyway, and let him march them all right to their bloody deaths! Arthur didn't want help from a suicidal teen? Well…Merlin didn't have to give it. And Arthur could continue trailing after him as if he was some kind of lost puppy dog, following him through endless halls and endless stairs and endless doors, it didn't make one lick of difference. Merlin was quite a changed man now, and he would only allow so much of Arthur's crap before he brushed his hands and washed Arthur from them completely.

"…Merlin…" Arthur started, and Merlin rose his shoulders up towards his ears in an attempt to ignore the stupid fucking pest trying to buzz in his ears. So what if Arthur didn't want to hear from him, it wasn't like it was anything new. Did it matter if Arthur had hit him with such a low blow…fuck yeah it did. There were just some things that shouldn't be brought up. Some things that were sacred, a step too far, an unmentionable topic that should be kept locked away in the shadows when it didn't have anything to do with you. Arthur had violated such a basic concept, that it was hard to believe he had lived for twenty years and not figured that out. "Please…can I just…I shouldn't have said that. You simply wanted to help, right? You…you were trying to help me, and I stomped all over that without even a second thought. I just…can you please listen to me! Stop a second and let me explain…just a minute of your time-"

Arthur was starting to sound frazzle behind him, desperation tinging his voice hard enough that most would have crumbled to their knees before hearing the prince of their country speak in such a way. And to be honest, if anybody had spoken to Merlin like that, he would've stopped immediately to find out what was going on and how he could help. But Arthur had already burned down his bridges, had smashed each and every bridge the consort may've been willing to give him. A muscle somewhere in Merlin's jawline twitched violently…Merlin had given enough of his time to Arthur. He had given minutes, and hours, and weeks, and months of his time to somebody so bloody undeserving, that the consort was truly amazed he hadn't tried killing himself off eons earlier. Arthur may as well have asked for Merlin to give him a hundred solid gold bricks…just like that 'one minute', it wasn't going to bloody happen.

Fuck him.

Fuck the kingdom.

Fuck Merlin himself.

Fuck…FUCK!

"Okay, then, you…you clearly aren't in a talking mood anymore and that's okay, I completely understand. I wouldn't want to talk to me either, but you've got to know how…how sorry I am. If I could take it back, or do something that'll make you feel better than I absolutely would!" Arthur continued behind him after the consort refused to give him a minute, and Merlin rolled his eyes so hard that it almost hurt, before taking another staircase two at a time to get further away from him, even as Arthur continued chasing him, practically on top of his own heels. Arthur was being SOOOO understanding, the consort thought with dark sarcasm, because he UNDERSTOOD Merlin's desire not to talk anymore. The consort should kiss Arthur's bloody feet for being so SWEET about Merlin and the consort's sudden desire to rip the prince's head clear off his body with his bare hands. "That's it…I could do something for you! I mean…it's like you said, I'm not going to survive this mission. The least I can do is one simple thing to ensure you're going to be alright in my absence. Just one thing by, so nothing like what happened with Charles on the field can ever happen again. He ended up so close to you Merlin, and I can fix that before I leave."

Merlin didn't know what the hell Arthur was blabbering about…he didn't even WANT to open the can of worms that was Charles and what he had done back then. He had already practically ran away with Charles had been brought down to his knees by Arthur, so why the hell did Arthur even think Merlin would want to hear his name? And 'last thing' he could do for Merlin? Crap! Arthur needed to eat dog food and choke to death. That was what Arthur could do for him. He could go ahead with his stupid plan and allow himself to be ripped to shreds if he wanted to give Merlin a 'final gift.' Merlin was already forced to wonder the halls as if he was a ghost, trapped within a kingdom that would turn on him at the drop of a hat…what more could he possibly need to be reminded of Arthur after he was gone?

"Your guard detail, the one that I'm always putting on you? Now, I know that it isn't a permanent solution since you don't want the guards following you at all hours of the day like I wanted. But let's be real here, you are probably going to do something even after I'm gone and it's gonna result in my father once again putting you in your royal suite. I can't do anything to stop that, but the least I'll be able to do is decide, even…even when I'm not here…who will be allowed on guard duty from now on. Men that you trust-" Arthur continued to ramble, not noticing the way Merlin was slowly coming to a stop in the middle of some odd and abandoned hallway, too caught up in his own plans, his last mark on Merlin that would forever stand against the test of time. "What about Knight Leon…do you like him? I mean, most people do and I think you get along okay. He did do a good job of keeping an eye on you after you were poisoned, he could be first on the list. And I'll need to add others just in case he's not available or is away from the kingdom on mission. What about Tristian and Dorian…they seem as if they are…nice enough? And they brought you to Camelot as well, so there's a history with them already built. And Dorian DID help get you out of the woods so he'd make a fine candidate, and everybody knows Tristian and him are this matched set practically. But I knew others too…Knight Gregory is usually the one on guard at the foot of the stairs, I'm sure he won't mind moving to stand outside your door. And what about Knight Derrick, he seems to be the…decent sort? And I suppose Knight Justin isn't horrible…he just needs to remember to not let feelings get in the way of his responsibilities. He'd be a last resort, if all the others are unable too. I mean, I'd need to write out a former missive so it'll be followed, but…this is all just brainstorming. So…what do you think about not having anymore risks outside your door? It's…it's good…right?"

By this point, Merlin had stopped walking completely, and was looking back at Arthur with the most incredulous expression he could manage. Merlin blinked as he took in Arthur's nervousness and fear…it was practically written all over him. From the way he shifted back and forth on his feet as if he was extremely uncomfortable and didn't know what to do with himself, to the way his fingers had started playing with each other against his chest. Merlin didn't think that he'd ever seen Arthur nervous before, or at least…not like this. But one thing stood out above the rest…how Arthur's eyes were steady. Focused intently on Merlin's face, waiting for his acceptance or his scorn. As if Merlin's reaction to his 'thoughtful gift' could either make him a good man, or shatter him down to the same dust Merlin had been for far too long.

And all Merlin could think was…

What the ever loving fuck.

"Are you really kidding me right now? You really think something like that will be enough for me to forgive you for what you just said to me! You really think deciding my security detail in advance is going to make ANYTHING CHANGE about what you just did! Just because I like those guys that you listed doesn't mean I'm going to ignore how you THREW my suicide attempt straight back in my face as if you have any damn right!" Merlin shouted, the words flying from his lips as if there was no stopping them, the overfill finally bursting until there was nothing Merlin could contain. Arthur flinched back from the force of anger directed at him, but Merlin only stormed closer while Arthur shrieked several steps backwards. "In case you haven't noticed, considering you're about to be DEAD, my security won't be any of your business anymore! You're going to be too busy getting your damn face ripped off to even notice who or what will be watching out for me! And nice to know that you've got so much faith in me that you think I'm going to be grounded to my rooms more once you're not around anymore! Maybe since I won't be following your arse around, I'll be better with not getting caught the next time something's going on and I have to risk both my bloody life and bloody sanity to save YOUR KINGDOM!"

Arthur was staring at him with wide and panicked eyes, which almost made the consort want to scoff…what the hell was Arthur panicking about for? Panicking because Merlin continued refusing to be one of those people falling onto their knees just to appease his spoiled arse. Arthur had literally sent Merlin back to a tailspin of depression today, had sent him spiraling before he caught hold of his anger and clenched onto that feeling with every bit of grit he had. Hell, the only reason Arthur should be panicking about at all, was on whether or not the consort would shove his pompous, arrogant arse straight back down the flight of stairs they had just came up before their arguing had started. All it would've taken was one single push against Arthur's chest, the prince already tethering along the edge of the top step, and he would go falling back. Merlin could very well finish the job before the griffin ever had a chance to sink his claws into his throat. And Arthur wouldn't have to worry so much about his 'guard detail', as Merlin would be dead once people realized he had ended the pompous life.

From suicidal to would-be murderer…

"And honestly, what the bloody hell did you even know what I've been doing in the last few weeks since I drunk YOUR poisoned goblet! You didn't even come near me ONCE after I kicked you out when I woke up. Too busy working around with other stuff to see your fucked up consort when it didn't suit you and I was not needed, eh?" Merlin sneered, bringing his fists up to rest on either side of his hips, spreading open his legs so they stood shoulder width apart. It'd been a good thing, actually, that Arthur hadn't visited during those days, when he'd been too raw and too confused and too busy trying to figure out what he was supposed to do now that his suicide attempt hadn't worked like he planned it would. But it was yet another thing to throw into Arthur's face, and he planned on full-well using it. "If you bothered to get your head out of your ARSE, then maybe even you would see I'm doing GREAT without you! Even Gaius said I've been doing way better these last few weeks than I have been since I got here! I've been eating much more food than I'm used to, and I'm slowly working my way up to full meals. Soon I'll even be able to start eating all that rich food that you like to serve at your fancy parties! And I haven't hurt myself once during this time! I'm making myself hobbies, and getting myself together, and putting a little time to the side that's just for me and what I like to do that is in no way related to being consort! Uncle Gaius even says it's bloody healthy to do this, a means of 'finding myself' or something! But how would you know! How could you have possibly known any of this if you're so busy being Prince, instead of a Husband."

Merlin threw his hands into the air wildly, watching as Arthur stepped back and jolted back into place when he realized how close he was about to fall from the stairs. But hey, death by stairs sounded better to Merlin than death by his own utter stupidity! If it had been Merlin that Uther had ordered to risk life and limb on a fool's mission, then Merlin would've told him to stick it straight where the sun doesn't shine. Or do it himself, if he was so convinced a bloody sword was the answer to their problems, as if that trick hadn't been tried and tested from others before. But hey, Arthur didn't want his opinion. Merlin wasn't anything more than a suicidal freak, and maybe that was the only thing he'd ever be in this life. Once somebody knew something about you, something so major that it could change the way you were looked at…then often that fact was the only thing that they saw. Merlin always figured that fact would be able his magic…a sorcerer who needed to be burned for his wicked ways. But Merlin went ahead and did the impossible, he had given Arthur a whole new fact to hold against him. That was all Merlin would be seen as…The Suicidal Consort. No matter all his progress or changes or how well he did for himself in the coming days.

"Oh, and don't even get me started on Charles! I mean, really! You knew all the time that he was the one that allowed Valiant up to my rooms! That he was the one that started that whole entire mess, and you didn't bother with once trying to tell me about it! I had to find out by a complete twist of luck! I had to figure that out because of CHANCE, Uther put him in front of my rooms! You clearly weren't ever planning on telling me. Maybe if I had known I would've dealt with him differently!" Merlin continued to explode, Arthur had bloody well wanted all of this! He had bloody well tried convincing Merlin he should 'spare a single minute of his time' for him. Well then, he could bloody well have all the fucking minutes since he wouldn't leave Merlin alone after his cruel comment. Merlin's got a whole list of stuff that he could complain about, an entire list he could've thought of on the spot to rant at Arthur about. From his suicide, to Charles, to even how stupid Arthur's hair looked all pushed into jagged angles and staying there due to the sweat he worked up on the courtyard holding it there. "There is clearly some things that you have no interest in telling me, but I should have been bloody well notified about others! Marriage, Arthur, though you obviously don't know the meaning of the word, still means you are liable for sharing this information with me! Information that directly includes me, because this would not have even happened if Valiant hadn't attacked ME in the first place. But go on, go ahead and keep your bloody secrets! I'm sure I'll figure them all out any other day. You know, in the middle of a feast or party when everybody else will learn about it as well. Or, you know…I won't figure out any of your secrets after you become too dead to have anything worth sharing with the rest of us!"

Merlin knew very much how ironic it was, spitting and spewing at Arthur about keeping secrets to himself, when Merlin himself was the master at keeping his own secrets. But that was the bloody thing! Merlin's secret could very well get him killed, and then he wouldn't have to worry about people looking at him as if they were afraid he might grab a knife and try cutting his wrists or the life. It was a secret that mattered. But not Arthur's…there was nothing that would've hurt Arthur if he had told Merlin the truth about Charles. Merlin wouldn't have died from the news, Arthur wouldn't have anybody trying to kill him, and Merlin could have raised holy hellfire on Charles being given a chance to hurt him for failing as a proper guard. Arthur had CHOSEN to not tell Merlin, thinking Merlin insignificant enough to need to know anything pertaining toward his own awful attack. Arthur, with his stupid ashen face. Arthur, with his stupidly damp eyes that he was trying to wipe away…honestly, who the hell did Arthur think he was fooling with his waterworks. Merlin himself was getting pretty good with lying to protect his own secrets, but nothing Merlin was able to do could top Arthur and his grief stricken expression.

"I um…I'm sorry Merlin. I mean…you're right. I'm…I'm going to die out there, as you and I both know how that…that Griffin…reacts when faced down with even our most fearsome of weapons. And…obviously…you shouldn't believe me. But I do…I need you to know…I should have never made that comment. It was very wrong, and disrespectful…practically spitting in your face by using your own trauma against you." Arthur said shakily when Merlin finally stopped yelling at him long enough to take in copious breaths that were greatly needed, raising a hand up to scrub at his red eyes as if his tears were real. Merlin raised a brow up at him…Arthur was good, real good. If Merlin hadn't already been in front of Arthur more times than he could count, then maybe even he would've thought it was real. But they never were. Arthur only apologized when he wanted to get something, usually Merlin's compliance or willingness to forget whatever he'd done to Merlin this time. "And I…I should have told you about Charles. Maybe I thought…I thought I needed to protect you by not letting you know a men with my own kingdom could do something so horrid. Or maybe I thought all I had to do was take Valiant down, and then it wouldn't really matter what else actually happened. But…I can see how stupid that was. And I can see that you…you do not need me to protect you. Not from things like the truth. Not when there are other threats more dangerously to you then hearing what's really happened-"

Merlin scoffed loudly, watching as Arthur hunched into himself at the sound of his scorn. Arthur had brought his shoulders up, looking as if he was trying his damn hardest to hide his big ugly head between them. Merlin knew what he'd been trying to get at…the knights. Merlin had been dealing with the knights all by himself, the ones that had put hands on him and the ones that had mocked him to his face and the ones who had laughed at his misery when he struggled to pick himself back up. All things Arthur had neglected to notice, too busy on stupid things like 'hiding the truth' to realize exactly what's been going on this whole time. It was honestly silly, thinking Arthur was 'protecting him' from just a few simple words…Charles was the traitor who allowed Valiant to reign terror on him that night. When Merlin had been dealing with more cruelty and more pains and more…just…MORE! Valiant was so long ago even, that it had nothing compared on the other things Merlin has faced. And yet, Arthur had been sooo worried about ONE stupid knight who had been involved in ONE incident.

Where was Arthur's possessive nature when that knight had tried asking him out after the rumors of Merlin dating around had passed through the kingdom?

Where was Arthur freakish behavior when Merlin had been in the woods, both hands covered in the blood of his new friend and with no idea how to get back to the city?

Where was Arthur's utter stupidity when Merlin could have actually used it?

"…I think I'm actually going to miss this, you know?"

Merlin stopped at this, his mouth turning down into a heavy frown, dark brows joining together in the center of his forehead…what? Arthur was only growing more and more strange as the days passed. He went from being utterly absent with anything that had to do with Merlin, avoiding him as if he had some kind of plague he didn't know about. Then he went to this fucking possessive freak that wanted to know Merlin's every step, who thought Merlin needed to let him know before he did ANYTHING, and thought Merlin was in the wrong whenever he thought for himself. And now…this? Arthur was going to 'miss'…what? All of the ways they screamed at each other until they were blue in the face? All the times they had fought and scorned and fussed to get the other to budge, even when neither of them moved an inch on their stance. All the times they'd been thrown together for one reason and the other, and doing nothing but finding all the faults the other held? Did Arthur miss the way he used to put hands on him all the damn time? Did Arthur miss degrading him, making him feel foolish, and making him wonder if this life was even worth being part of?

"I mean…not all the yelling and the fighting and the…disagreements that we've had festering between the two of us for…god…months now. But I know that I'm going to miss being around you. Hearing what you've got to say…I never quite know what to expect with you. The mystery of it all…it's intriguing." Arthur said in a low murmur, an almost bittersweet smile gracing his face…as if these were the last words they were ever going to say to each other. And for the first time, it actually dawned on Merlin…this probably was the last thing they were going to say to each other. Arthur had said he'd be ready to leave within a few hours, Arthur was going to carry THIS with him as he marched into a war zone. Merlin wished he could bring himself to care, but after Arthur threw his trauma in his face like that…why should he? Arthur hadn't spared his feelings when Merlin's the one that was about to embrace death's door, he had tried to embarrass the consort in front of all of Mercia before Merlin had drunk his death cup. So why should Merlin be any different? Why should he feel anything more than simply …gratitude. GRATEFUL that it would all end with Arthur, just as it had started all those months ago. There was some kind of symmetry in that, wasn't there? For it all to end just as how it had begun? "I knew that I screw up…probably far more times than I actually know of. But…thank you…for not letting me get away with any of my crap. For…screaming at me when it needs to be done. I prefer it this way anyway, you know…you yelling at me. When you're not yelling, you get cold when you're pissed at me. Like you're cutting me off…putting up a wall I'll never be able to climb over…freezing me out so that nothing I do or say is able to penetrate your defenses. I don't think I'll be able to…put you out of my head if you had went that route again. So…thank you…again…it's better like this. You know…especially after I said what I did and then when I got angry because you were outside and then when I smashed your head into the ground…"

Arthur cast his eye downward, his voice trailing off as if he didn't know what to say anymore…as if he had said everything that he had needed too. But the one and only thing Arthur managed to do was…confuse Merlin more. Where was all the usual aggression that came from Arthur? Where was the fire that ignited or stroked the heat in Merlin's belly that urged him to jump on top of Arthur so he could scratch his eyes out of his skull. What was this meek little thing standing in front of him, talking about Merlin's anger as if it was something that needed to be admired. Something that needed to be encouraged, because there's only so many people willing to tell him off for his idiocy. Merlin hardly even knew he had gone 'cold' with Arthur. Oh, sure, he had felt the ice in his veins plenty of times, had opted not to be around or pretended not to be bothered by what's going on this time, but Merlin didn't know Arthur had realized this about him…it didn't strike Merlin as something Arthur would notice. Not unless it was done in the public's view, Merlin didn't think it COULD bother Arthur.

"…it was just a crack."

Merlin said for, unable to think of anything else to say instead, as he gingerly brought a hand up to scratch through the dark locks alongside the back of his head where he had been smashed into the ground when the griffin had jumped at him. Personally, he thought everybody was overreacting about how bad the thing was. His pain had already faded to nothing more than a dull ache, a light throbbing every now and then, nothing that couldn't be dismissed when there were other things to do. But Gaius had acted like Merlin was going to fall over the second he tried moving on his own, and Arthur was acting as if he had just put Merlin in the grave beside him. No…to look like that, Arthur would have had to feel guilty for hurting him in his attempt to save him, and feeling guilty only happened to humans. Arthur had already proven himself incapable of holding a basic decency that all humans should have…

"I CRACKED IT!"

Merlin jolted with Arthur's loud exclamation, nearly falling over in surprise after Arthur whipped his head back up, looking at Merlin with mad and wild eyes…it was crazy eyes. The kind of eyes somebody had that just told them they were trouble. Arthur stepped forward urgently, raising his hands up as if he'd been about to grab Merlin's head and do a full inspection over the cranium. To try to see what lasting damage Merlin might be suffering from because he neglected to put his hand or something behind Merlin's skull to prevent the unjust in the first place. But Merlin stepped back just as fast before the hands were able to touch him, looking at them baffled, and Arthur froze in place before dropping the limbs down limply at his sides. There was a long moment of silence where the two of them were staring at each other…Arthur looked pure devastated. As if Merlin had suffered something serious at his hand, and was now going to be forced to live with a severe disability for the rest of his short days. Arthur had not looked like that even after he had backhanded Merlin across the face…so what made a cranium injury any different?

"Just because I said you cracked my head does not mean you actually cracked it. I'm not bleeding everywhere, so I'm sure my head is still working exactly as it always has! And I'm sure my uncle, your physician, would've noticed if I had damage on the inside! So you really need to cool it on that one." Merlin said in a blunt tone, wiggling his nose in disdain when Arthur had the good graces to actually look embarrassed, a flush rising up along the prince's neck. That only made Merlin irritable…what did Arthur have to be embarrassed about? He was already a weirdo, both him and Arthur were fully aware and had acknowledged his weird, freakish reactions to things before. And not to mention, Arthur WAS technically the one that had damaged him, he should just own up to it instead of wasting his time pretending he cared whether or not Merlin had gotten this permanent damage because of him. "But hey, while we're on the topic, should I even ask what you were thinking tackling me out of the way like that? I'd been doing just fine on my own the entire time I was out there, I could've ducked the beast without damaging myself if you had only given me a chance to do it!"

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, Merlin's last words ringing out like some kind of echo in the dark hallway, and Arthur stared with a slightly stunned expression on his face. Blinking once and then twice before he was looking away from Merlin's righteous face…some people didn't like to be the damsel in distress, some people didn't like being treated in one manner and then jumped on the next. Some people didn't like the back and forth that Arthur seemed to favor, attacking Merlin one minute and then pulling him right to safety in the next. Some people, like Merlin who had given up on frivolous daydreams that usually included a brave knight coming straight the rescue of his sorcerer, preferred becoming the hero of their own stories. Or at least they preferred writing the story the way they wanted, instead of following whatever script was being written for them by another's hand. A script that said Merlin's the one in need of rescuing, that Merlin was in need of a protector.

Possessive freak didn't qualify.

Arthur didn't answer his question at first, and in fact, he was actually the first to start walking away, heading down a side corridor as if they hadn't just been in the middle of something. Merlin frowned as he followed the prince going off with his eyes, that…hadn't been right. It usually took something extreme to get Arthur to back off…Merlin having a complete freak out and throwing things had often done the trick. But even then, Arthur stayed until he couldn't any more…even in the face of Merlin cursing his name and screaming at him to get out of his face. Merlin was usually the one that threw his hands up in the air and then storming off like a thundercloud was crackling above his head, daring the idiot prince to try following him in the mood that he was in. Arthur didn't just…start walking away. Usually, Merlin would've counted something like that as a win of his own, because surely that meant Arthur was getting bored of him now that he was giving up so easily. But then again…there had been something inside of the prince's eyes when he had looked at him that said something different…a sort of…blankness that Merlin usually wouldn't associate with the hot-headed fool. Instead of letting him go like he should…they WERE still going in the same direction, after all…Merlin followed after him with rapid steps. Gazing upwards, to the back of Arthur's stupidly blond hair.

"I'm still waiting for an answer, you know."

Merlin needled his husband, waiting for any sign of a reaction to what he said, but Arthur didn't pause. As if he didn't hear Merlin speaking at all, but that had to be impossible. Even if Arthur never actually listened to what the dark haired boy said, he still always heard him. Merlin should just walk away now, take any other path to get back to his chambers and finish out his 'grounding', since the prince didn't want his help with this. Facing a magical beast without any magic of his own…stupidity…suicidal…and maybe that's why Merlin still didn't try and leave like he should. Standing on death's door was never an easy choice, such a choice was made by the truly desperate. Arthur could crawl into some creek and drown himself and Merlin wouldn't have lifted a finger to help him after all the bridges Arthur had burned between them, but fuck it if Merlin was going to be brushed aside like this. The least Arthur could do after what he had said to him, was fucking SEE HIM when he talked.

"I think I deserve to know why you would bother shoving me down! I mean, did you not have anything else going on that needed your attention? You had all of those men spread out across the field, bleeding with gashes way bigger than I think my own arm is. I mean, you're no physician, but you probably could have put your hands over somebody's wound. That probably would have been a way better use of your time than coming after me, but you probably didn't want the blood all over your hands. You prince's, always so strict about the silliest thing I can think of." Merlin rambled on in his usual fashion…he knew he could often get on people's nerves, he was no stranger to that. It was no mystery why the consort only had one person in his entire village back home that he could call his friend. But he completely dialed himself up, purposely trying to wind Arthur up, purposely trying to make him mad. Arthur had already proven himself to be nothing but crap considering the comment he had made about Merlin, but now it was Merlin's turn to get some hits in while he could. Arthur's foolish mission meant he wouldn't be around for Merlin to say a few things that he was quite wanting to say. "Or is this your freak of nature ways coming out to focus? You know, you went on and on for so long about how horrid I am and how I needed to stay where I'm supposed to be, and get you can't even do the same. Being so weirdly possessive of me even when you don't want me around, nothing but trouble you always thought. You probably could've saved at least one of your men, but then you would've had to give me up, and you can't possibly have me dead by something other than your hand, right? Sacrificing a knight once, and now you're going to sacrifice a whole bunch of them…you're a real winner with this one, aren't you? So, what made you decide you couldn't allow the griffin to kill me? Was it you not wanting that thing's claws to dig into my spine where you would always slam me down onto some hard surface? Didn't want to have the griffin bite down on my neck, placing its head where you always did when you got too close to me. Didn't want to see my broken and bruised body, just knowing that it was something else that put marks on me? Marks that did not belong to you-"

Merlin could have gone on and on and on, reminding Arthur of the thousands and thousands of sick things he had done to Merlin during those first four or so months of their marriage. He could have brought up having the griffin mark up his face, reminiscent of the slap Arthur had given him. He could have told Arthur all about how the griffin could have landed on his wrist, shattering the bone completely, similar to how Arthur had once twisted it hard enough to get the bone to crack. So many incidents Merlin could have dredged up, things the prince could bring with him into his fool's quest…things Arthur could carry with him on his journey to hell. But Arthur murmured something beneath his breath that was too low for Merlin to hear, the first and only reaction Merlin got from him.

"What was that, Arthur? Do you have something that you would like to say to me right now? Maybe a rant or two about how I shouldn't have 'allowed' that griffin to get so close to me, as if I had any say in it! Or maybe a rant or two on how it's all my fault if the griffin did manage to get me? Maybe you can try and regale me with 'why' you are the only one that's allowed to hurt me?" Said the consort, carrying on his rant and watching the shifting of muscles somewhere in Arthur's shoulders. Oh, he was listening to Merlin, no matter how quickly he was walking ahead, as if he was trying to outrun Merlin despite being the one leading him around. "Oooh, wait!" Merlin clapped his hands together as if he's some kind of demented doll, a painted smile fixed on its porcelain face, which always looked more scary than they were supposed to be."Don't tell me you're going on some kind of revenge quest? I mean, you already went ape shit when all those other knights did something dumb in front of you. I suppose even you cannot allow your knights to get away with their usual shameful behavior when it's directly in front of you. Hard to ignore, isn't it? But you do realize that your people won't fault you for not going after a magical beast that tried ending me, right? Some people might actually find it the smart choice. Even your father is going to be hard pressed trying to force you to go die-"

Merlin's mad rambles were abruptly cut off when the prince jolted to a stop in front of him, nearly making Merlin run straight into his armor plated back from not expecting it. Merlin quickly stepped back, cursing under his breath while raising a hand up to rub at the bridge of his nose…Arthur's armor really was a strong thing of metal. Able to crush a man's nose if hit in the wrong place, but that grudging thought was abruptly cut off when the prince whipped around to face him. Sudden and forceful, making Merlin stumble in surprise, with his own eyes flying wide open in a panic as he wondered whether or not he had finally gone too far. Was it the way Merlin had mocked him about his possessiveness? Was it the way Merlin had talked about the people? Was it because Merlin had brought up Arthur's father, something that was always a touchy subject to the prince…

"YOU COULD HAVE DIED!"

Merlin wheeled back, blinking several times as he fell into this startled silence that spoke volumes Merlin couldn't have said out loud. Taking in the scene in front of him like one would a carriage flipped over in the middle of town square …not sure if moving was okay or if it would drag Arthur to him like some kind of rabid dog. Arthur definitely looked like a rabid dog, his face flushed a horrid red, this time from exertion rather than embarrassment. His chest heaving up and down as if he was taking in too much air but it still not carrying enough to actually sustain him. And the eyes…no longer blank but completely wild. Was he seeing Merlin in front of him at all? Or was he seeing somebody completely different, somebody he might actually cared if they lived or died. A mystery in itself, one that Merlin should leave for what it was instead of needlessly trying to pick at it until it bled.

"I didn't run after you because I was thinking about that beast trying to hurt you when it's…it's my job to do that…which it isn't, by the way! I didn't try to save one of my men because I didn't want to get my hands dirty! I ran to stop it because I SAW YOU! I saw you standing in the creature's path…smaller than it is, slower than it is, with not even a weapon to use to distract it with. You will be DEAD if I hadn't did what I did, and you can be pissed off about me jumping in all you wanted but I don't regret doing it." Arthur snarled, looking furious in a way he hadn't been in quite some time…Arthur's fury after Lancelot's truth's had came out didn't even match the sheer tremble in Arthur's voice. The blond was still holding himself back, struggling to rein himself in even though he had never had troubles shoving Merlin about when the consort said something that he didn't want to hear. "I wasn't thinking about how…possessive..I am towards you, or how it would be the thing to kill you. The only thing I was thinking was how you were about to die. Slowly and painfully as that thing crushed your ribs beneath its heart frame. Your chest and thighs ripped to shreds before I could even reach you. Your throat ripped out because I hadn't been quick enough to put a stop to it. Yes, we both know that I have a tendency to overreact when it is you involved. Yes, we both know I'm possessive and done like the mere idea of something being done to you without my knowledge. But I was NOT going to let that thing take you away from me, got it?"

And Merlin…didn't know what to say. Honestly, he had no idea what he could have said to that. He had his mouth dropped open and everything, as if it was waiting for flies to just pop in for a visit and never leave. This wasn't how this was supposed to go…Arthur was supposed to do something crazy that would probably end with them fighting. Merlin was supposed to end up punching his smug jawline with every bit of strength he had just to erase that horrible smile off his face when he tried bragging about how he was going to defeat a beast that could not be defeated by ordinary means. Merlin had even been rearing to go, Arthur's earlier comment about his suicide attempt festering beneath the skin with enough force behind it that it could've taken an army just to drag him off of Arthur once he got started. What Arthur was NOT supposed to do was…exactly what he had done. Still being a freak about it, but…the graphic image Arthur had described left Merlin nauseated. He could hardly imagine what he would have looked like crushed to death, could hardly imagine how his uncle would react to seeing him like that…but Merlin steeled himself against Arthur and his harshness.

Like he always did.

"That 'thing' couldn't have possibly broken me more than you've broken me in all the time we've been together. I could have been crushed to death beneath that griffin, and it still would have hurt less than all of the times you dismissed me because you couldn't be bothered. It could have ripped me to shreds, and it still wouldn't have hurt nearly as much as it did when I was standing at your party with a goblet of death in one hand. It could have ripped my throat out and it still wouldn't have fucked me up, as much as it did when you forced your tongue down my throat." Merlin said bluntly, throwing all Arthur's past actions back into the prince's face with little to no guilt…dragging Merlin down before he got crushed to death didn't make Arthur a hero. It made him a fucking show pony, showing off and making up reasons that would have had others swoon if they didn't know him as well as Merlin did. "But hey, what do I know about any of this? I'm only the disaster, a walking catastrophe in the making, completely unwanted until the city needs their next scapegoat. Hey, maybe I'll somehow even be blamed for the griffin coming to Camelot in the first place! I know I will damn well be blamed whenever their prince doesn't return from a mission that should have never been suggested in the first place!"

Merlin finished this off with a loud roar of anger in Arthur's face, throwing both of his clenched fists in every which direction as he tried releasing the anguish of emotions crashing over him. Merlin was feeling too raw, still shaking on the inside after his brief downward spiral earlier. His entire body shaking from the force of his frustrations. Stupid dismissive attitudes, stupid poisonings, stupid times he had jolted away in his bed because he could still feel Arthur's horribly invasive tongue mapping out the insides of his mouth after he jumped him that one nightmarish time. Old issues that Merlin felt unresolved, mingling with the new issues that weren't going away no matter how much they screamed about it. Walls closing in on him, Arthur's jeering face coming into mind and fixating itself onto the Arthur in front of him, suffocating and drowning and torches on the walls flickered ominously though there was no wind to make it so. Arthur's attention to it nonexistent, but only because he was so insanely focused with Merlin. Ungodly focused, making Merlin wish he could shove his face against Arthur's to get him to stop looking at him. To MAKE HIM stop looking at him as he always did.

"Fuck, Merlin! I was bloody scared! Is that what you want to hear from me so badly? Is that why you are screaming at me for saving your life! Because you are so bloody sure that I have some kind of agenda! As if I am going to fight a losing battle just because I want to see you being…stones or something by my own people! I fucked up so badly in the past, that this is when you think when I rescue you? It doesn't even occur to you how bloody terrified I was when I saw that griffin going after you!" Arthur exclaimed loudly, his voice coming out with a thunderous roar behind it, and Merlin's insides clenched…scared? Merlin just found that so hard to wrap his mind around, his mind so twisted after all Merlin had suffered through by Arthur's hand, that he couldn't even contemplate the idea of Arthur being…scared. Arthur didn't 'get' scared. He got angry, a lot, or possessive and needy in the worst of ways. The kind of neediness that forced Merlin to either hide or surrender because the prince wouldn't stop. "So yes, I am bothering now Merlin! I'm bothering because I didn't want to see you end up dead while you were saving our people! You saved their lives, but what was I going to do if it cost me you in the end? What was I supposed to do…your one and only duty during that fight was to get yourself to safety, but you had to do the exact opposite! And now I'm going out there and I'm going to try and put a stop to this before it comes back to finish exactly where it started…with you."

Merlin's insides shook harder, and Arthur's breathing only grew more raged as his chest heaved up and down. Arthur was a fool if he thought Merlin would go blindly believing him, he was a fool if he thought Merlin was going to thank him for the 'brave actions' he took when he dragged Merlin out of the way. He was a fool if he thought Merlin would suddenly change his mind and suddenly start saying what a good idea it was for Arthur to tangle with a creature that would only be defeated by the one weapon Arthur didn't have at his disposal. It was all a trick, a no good and awful to make Merlin complicit. To make Merlin be a doll to his manipulations. Merlin had been about this block too many times to fall for such tricks easily. But still…tears brimmed along his eyes, wishing that he could reach out and grasp onto those words with all he had. How many of Merlin's nights had been spent, curled up inside his bed, wishing and begging and crying for Arthur to show a basic sense of decency. How many times had Merlin wailed into his pillow because all he wanted was for Arthur to show that he wasn't as completely heartless as he behaved. How many times had Merlin wanted an Arthur who showed feelings towards him that didn't include being angry or disgusted with whatever Merlin had done this time? The prince HAD fucked Merlin up, just like he said, and Arthur's continuous show of emotions only made him want to crumble. That feeling only worsened when Arthur gave him a rueful looking smirk, sadness tinging the edges that Merlin was going to remember for the rest of their days.

"And if you honestly think you are still 'unwanted' around here, then you will be end for a rude awakening soon enough."