Chapter 73 - Revelations: The You I Never Wanted

Are you there, Apostle?

Jaune's voice stirred the heavens. It came from nowhere, like the whispers in one's own mind. It came from everywhere, like a booming tornado siren. The air grew stale and heavy, the clouds began to whittle and fade, the golden light grew dimmer by the second, as if heaven's power generator had suddenly died and now supped desperately against borrowed time. Even the three thrones were flickering in and out of existence, convincing Ruby to abandon hers and join Neptune, unsure if they were any safer. Neptune was glancing around in confusion and quickly growing fear as he demanded the Imposter-Jaune to tell them what was happening. The Imposter didn't keep them waiting for answers.

He rose from his golden throne, slow and sure, that confident smile unchanged across his face Even now Ruby wished she could smack it off him, but it wasn't necessary anymore. That smile grew with every passing second. Twisted into a teeth-clenched beam that exposed the four vampire fangs, now longer than before. If only it had stopped there. The smile was getting too big for his face now, and the skin and flesh around his mouth began to rip like plastic, resulting in a disgusting stream of clear saliva and dark blood pouring from his damaged mouth. But again, that was not the end of his transformation.

The whites of his eyes filled in black, and even began to pour down his cheeks like an overflow of ink. Horns protruded from his forehead. First small like a baby stag, then big as an adult one, then bigger still, spreading like the branches of a twisted, emaciated tree. By now, the light had grown weak, and a pitch darkness had settled over this once holy-seeming land, and the Imposter's blue eyes began to glow through it.

Ruby could only stare back, afraid to look away for fear of how much more twisted Jaune's face could become. She shook from top to bottom, legs feeling like jelly, eyes misty, and wanting nothing more than to run. A new feeling, now faced with the visage of someone she loved.

"You look afraid," The Imposter's voice came out double layered, like a woman and a man were speaking at once. He drew a line across his mangled smile. "Is it my face? I can't help it. It has been so long since I've had any real fun. You had best get accustomed."

Ruby jolted when she felt herself being grabbed. Three angels had come from nowhere, each smiling and giggling like children, while their grips were hard as cold iron. Their wings beat as they lifted her into the air, while another three took up Neptune, unfazed by his protests.

The Imposter threw his arms wide as if inviting the world into his loving embrace. "Now, my reign resumes. A reign of feeling. Where every manifestation of the heart bursts free, untethered and unrestrained! Let us surrender control to the guidance of love, and all it may entail. A storm of joy and rage, and a dogged pursuit of dreams, unconcerned by the whims of conscience and consequence! For what greater pleasure could there be, my dear host, than to be our purest self?" The Imposter burst into laughter. A savage cackling like he had murdered countless children, gotten caught doing it, and had still been found not guilty. A laugh triggered by disbelief of his good fortune. "Freedom. Absolute freedom. My dear host, let us destroy it all together! The world! Let us indulge in every carnal desire. No one can beat us! No one can stop us now!"

Ruby watched in powerlessness. The heavenly domain overseeing the planet hosting a terrible battle shrank further and further away, ever faster as the dotted stars became streaks of distant light. But even from light years away, far outside his reach, the Imposter's voice did not fail to reach her ears. Only, they weren't the words of an imposter, were they? What lies had he told? All this time, she had thought him a monster. A devil using the face of an angel. Full of lies and deceit and manipulation. Nothing like her Jaune.

Only, what was her Jaune? Was it the same as the real one? And if not?

Who was Jaune Arc, truly?

"And to you, all whom I love. Pay close attention." Said this Alter-Jaune with a guffaw of pure sadistic joy. "The slow crawl towards Armageddon is finally close at hand. Your only role… is to enjoy the show."

Jaune came in for a kiss, and Ruby turned away so his lips clumsily brushed her cheek. The silence thereafter was like a grim omen.

They were standing in the sliding doorway that led into Jaune's room, and the glass screen sill acted as a literal divide between lovers. She, in the afternoon sun, surrounded by nature. Jaune in the dark of his room, where his many monsters dwelled, barely breached by the light. Perhaps the moment had only lasted a few seconds, but they were the longest seconds Ruby had ever lived, and among the most painful.

"What's wrong?" Jaune asked. Ruby found herself wanting with that response. He didn't seem hurt or confused, just worried, as if she'd had a bad start to the day. Normally, she found his concern very sweet, but now it just fed her guilt, which then got her irritated, which then made her feel even more miserable. Such was the loop she found herself in lately.

"Good," she said, then sputtered to correct herself. "I mean, nothing. I'm good!" Shed tried putting some cheer in that last bit. Wasn't sure if it made a difference. "I just didn't brush my teeth this morning."

"I don't care." said Jaune.

"But I do."

He raised an eyebrow and Ruby swallowed. Any moment now, he'd bring up the fact that whenever they slept together, they would wake each other with kisses, fresh-breathed or not. And most of the time not. And now Ruby was realizing what a terrible lie it was and wished she'd thought of something better. The truth, maybe. No. That would have been infinitely worse. Ruby might have been socially awkward, but even she knew greeting folk with bad news was generally considered distasteful.

But instead of calling her out, Jaune shrugged and walked back into his room like nothing strange had happened at all. Again, Ruby felt two conflicting emotions. Relief she hadn't been called out, and annoyance that she hadn't. Even so, she followed Jaune into his room. He was packing, she noticed. A large suitcase sat open on his bed, and he had haphazardly thrown clothes into it, no care at all for organization. She frowned at that word, "organization". Couldn't hear it anymore without thinking of its obvious connection.

"Figured I'd start getting ready." said Jaune, "Sorry for the mess."

Ruby nodded, not really paying attention and dropping onto Jaune's couch. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"For the trip, babe."

Ruby paused. "Oh. Yeah, that. You sound, like, excited."

It was so strange to see, but Jaune turned to her with a smile as he punched down his clothes pile into the suitcase. The second smile she'd ever seen from him. Casual, unprompted, as though he walked around with it on all the time, rather than scowling at the world for merely existing. Not only that, he nodded his head emphatically, like a child excited over getting a new toy. He looked happy. A happy Jaune. It sounded impossible. "I actually kind of am! I know I didn't seem like it before, but now I'm stoked. I mean, I've never gone snowboarding before. It rarely snows back home and when we do get some, it's not much."

"Really? Weird." said Ruby. Whenever she thought of Jaune's hometown, she always imagined he came from somewhere buried in snow. A hidden village high in the mountains. Home to a bunch of rough and tough people in heavy fur coats, hunting and farming, chopping trees, howling in the night. After the things she'd experienced, was it that unrealistic? After all, it wasn't as if Jaune talked about his hometown much, even when she asked he usually said the bare minimum. Only now did she think about how that got on her nerves. How a lot of things he did got on her nerves.

"Finally got everything Weiss kept nagging me about. I had to go to four stores to find good snow boots in my size. Is there a reason she acts like everyone's mom? It's cold so buy a heavy coat and gloves. Don't forget your passport. Double layered clothes only! You need socks! God, she's a pain."

"Yeah. Yup."

Ruby listened to Jaune talk and yet forgot everything he said. They all seemed so small, talking about their friends, the trip, other tiny life stories. Normal things. Jaune never talked about normal things. Even stranger was the fact that he was talking a lot, and it was kind of disarming. Jaune never talked this much. Ruby actually liked that about him. He tended to listen and weigh in while she did most of the talking. That was their dynamic. A dynamic she rather enjoyed. But here Jaune had even flipped that on her and was off at the mouth about a bunch of silly stuff.

"I hope we see some wolves. That'd be so cool. Maybe I'll join their pack, that'd be pretty fitting, huh?"

Ruby didn't even respond before Jaune continued on, running about the room as he prepared things for the trip, that same content smile on his face. As if everything in his life was so perfect, so wonderful, and nothing bothered him. As if he had it all figured out. It reminded Ruby of that Alter-Jaune, wearing that cocksure grin as he watched the carnage. Ruby hated that grin. Hated it with every fiber.

And yet, that was Jaune's face. That was Jaunes smile. She'd seen it far before shed ever met his Alter, when she saw him laughing while tearing a Minotaur apart. That was his smile. That was him.

"You know, I was thinking about a tattoo. Never thought I would, but it could be fun. How about the Whitebeard pirate flag? Like Ace? It'd be awesome. Actually, let's watch some more Pirate King today! We can start the timeskip now. I think we—"

"I'm not going." said Ruby. She looked up to catch Jaune's reaction.

He was packing up his gamestation and had looked up to quirk an eyebrow at her. "Not going where?"

"To Atlas. Weiss's trip. I won't be going."

He blinked twice as if he hadn't registered it. Then the late message went through as he dropped his things and came over to her, looking confused and concerned, just like before. "Why? You were so excited about it. What happened?"

Ruby couldn't even look at him, for multiple reasons. She looked down at her knees, squeezing her eyes shut, wishing for an alternative, and seeing none. "There's some things I need to change in my life, I guess. I told Miss Peach I'm done Heart Hunting. I tried my best, but it's too much for me. I'm sorry."

Jaune sat beside her. "Why be sorry about that? I don't mind. Do what makes you happy."

Do what makes her happy. Ruby swallowed a lump of guilt. If that wasn't an instance of famous last words, then she didn't know what was. "Besides that, there's other things… that I'm done with."

Jaune took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "What?"

It was only one word, and yet getting it out felt like having to force herself to puke. "Us."

So the prophecy came to be, and the accompanying silence returned with a vengeance. Still and quiet as old corpses and growing more rotten all the time. Ruby felt Jaune's hand loosen, but did not try to squeeze it back. What was the point, if the intention was to let him go?

"Us?" Jaune repeated, as if unfamiliar with the word.

Ruby could only nod. It felt pathetic.

Jaune was quiet for a long moment. His voice came out shaky. "Why? Did I do something wrong?"

Instinctively, Ruby almost said no, if only to spare his feelings, but realized there was no point. The truth had to come out now, from both sides. So she forced herself to look at him. "I know you lied to me. Back in Adam's heart, when you said you'd be right behind us."

He took another silent moment, guilt painted plain across his face. "I… I didn't want you to get involved. I-it was the Superior. He—"

"I'm not mad." Ruby said, then chuckled weakly, hoping that might ease the news somehow. She doubted it. "How can I be? The thing is, I lied to you about some things too. And mine is kind of worse."

He didn't look afraid or even upset at her admittance of a lie. Ruby had a scarily tempting thought to lie again. You're not the problem. I'm not really ready for a relationship. I'm in love with someone else. All of them sounded better than the truth, but she dismissed them all the same. If she was going to end their relationship, then he deserved the truth. That, at least.

Ruby blew out a sigh. "My dad didn't really approve of us having sex. I lied about that."

Jaune blinked. "Why?"

"Whenever I tried, you didn't seem like you were into it. I thought maybe you were hung up on my dad being scared of you. I thought, if I told you that he was okay with us, you'd want to have sex. But you didn't." Ruby lowered her head. "You never want to."

"I didn't want you to think that was all I was after. But if you really wanted to, I'd do it for you."

"Only you wouldn't want it. That's the problem. It just makes me feel unwanted. Like, you don't want to get close to me."

"Is that the only way you think we can get closer?"

That question caught Ruby unready. She hadn't considered it. To her luck, an answer came quickly. "No, but it's a way, isn't it? One that I just… want. And it sucks that you don't want to."

Jaune gave that a moment of thought. Squeezed her hand again. "If… if it's what you want, then we can. Look, maybe I've just been nervous or scared, I don't know. But we can try, if that's what you want. We don't need to break up over that."

Ruby sniffled. She hadn't realized shed started crying. "There's more."

Jaune lowered his head. "More?"

"Jaune, I just think that we won't last."

He closed his eyes. "Why?"

"Because… I can't handle you."

"You can't handle me? What does that mean?"

The tears felt hot. The heat ignited the burning feeling in her chest, which brought on the tremors of a brewing headache. The anger she kept subdued began to bubble up. "Jaune, do you even realize how much trouble you get into? I mean, it never ends with you, does it?"

He gave no answer to that, which was admittance enough. He pursed his lips like he had a response, but realized it was a poor one.

"You're involved in all this crazy stuff. Fighting all these monsters. Being part of this corrupt organization. And you like it. You like all that violence and scheming and chaos. You like having your life in danger. You love it, even. More than you love me."

"That's not true, Ruby." But he didn't look at her as he said it, which was how she knew it was a lie.

"Really? So if I asked right now for you to stop being a Hunter so that we could be together, you'd do it? You'd give all of it up for me?"

Jaune opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn't try again. Not even the slightest attempt to entertain what she truly wanted. That only made Ruby angrier. "See? This is what I mean. You love that insane world your aunt brought you into." Her words felt garbled as she sobbed, unable even to understand herself. "I don't get it, Jaune. I don't understand how you two can choose to be a part of it. Only crazy people would like it. Your aunt is insane, Jaune." Ruby's voice quivered as she said, "You're insane."

Jaune pressed his lips in further. Perhaps trying to keep a yelp of hurt in, and Ruby felt like the worst human alive. It felt like kicking a puppy just because it's yapping kept her up at night. Being upset at someone simply for being who they were.

"I want a normal life, okay? I want to be with someone normal. I thought I could help you get there but you fight everything I try. I tried to help you be better, but it's like you don't want to be. You're not… who I thought. And it just isn't working. Does that make sense?"

Jaune was quiet again for a moment, but eventually he gave a slow nod, like he was still trying to accept what he'd heard. "But I can change, okay? Give me another chance. I'll be whatever you want. Things will be different. Better, I swear. We can have a normal life. I'll change… just, please… one more chance. I can change."

Ruby never thought shed hear Jaune beg, and it hurt to see him that way. "I know you can. But you don't want to. I still want you to have fun on the trip, so please go. I didn't want to wait until after and ruin it for you. And we can still be friends. I just think that maybe we needed to realize we weren't compatible. That's all it is. Okay?"

"Ruby, I…" Jaune had turned to her, desperation in his blue eyes. Ruby thought he might beg again, but if so, he managed to stop himself. "No, you're right. Not compatible. Yeah that… that makes sense."

They sat in silence for a while. Ruby not knowing where to go from here. Shed been afraid things might go badly. Like Jaune might get angry and start trashing his room or something, but this had gone smoother than she'd thought. Though that was hardly a comfort.

So Ruby stood up, feeling stiff as a board. "I think I'll head home, okay? I… want to be alone."

Jaune nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Ruby headed for the door, having pulled it partly open before turning around. Jaune still sat there, head lowered, hair hiding his eyes. She wanted to apologize, or offer some reassurance, do whatever she could to make it easier. But there was nothing she could do except leave him alone. She imagined he didn't much like her right now. Maybe he'd come to hate her. Maybe it would be justified.

Ruby walked out the door, closed it behind her, out of the dark and back into the sunny afternoon. The birds tweeted, the wind sang, the cars drove by, and everything was normal in the world. Except for her life. That, unfortunately, had changed significantly.

She felt nothing as she walked to the bus stop, waited twenty minutes for it to arrive. She felt nothing upon boarding and finding a seat alone, arms around her to ward off the insulated cold. She felt nothing when she got off, walked the rest of the way home, and barged through the door, wanting nothing more than to lie in bed all day.

"Hey, Ruby," called Yang from the living room. "You're back already?"

Ruby ignored her and slogged to her room, closed the door, and sat on the edge of her bed in silence.

Well, it was over now, wasn't it? She was a free woman. No more heart hunting adventures, no more risking her life, no more anxiety. Jaune and she simply had not worked out. Simple as that. They weren't right for each other. No one was at fault. Plus, she'd been the dumper, which while it certainly didn't feel good to do, probably felt considerably better than being dumped.

It was over now. Ruby Rose was single again. There'd be no more bad-breathed kisses in the morning. No more snuggling. No more watching Pirate King together. No more nerdy dates. She'd go back to watching anime alone now.

Ruby laid down in her bed, her thoughts not quite racing, but in no way slow. There was no need to be sad, right? Very few first boyfriends work out for anyone. There were a few boys who'd asked her out since dating Jaune. If she really wanted a new boyfriend, then it was absolutely possible. One day, she might get another boyfriend. One who suited her perfectly.

But then, the same applied to Jaune too, didn't it?

Ruby hated Cinder more than anyone, but even she had to admit that Cinder was the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen, even compared to the supermodels and celebrities on TV. Once Cinder found out about their breakup, she'd be all over Jaune, and without an ounce of shame. Blake too, for that matter. And there was Jaune's pen pal. The girl hed known for years, and that he'd been dating all but officially. Jaune had more options than she did, and all readily available. Funny, to have all those options, and still choose someone like herself. Made no sense really. Jaune really was insane. All those beautiful girls he could have, and he'd asked for needy, plain, boring Ruby Rose. Only a crazy person would want her.

A switch flipped in Ruby's head. Quick as the light coming on. A terrible thought jumped to the fore of her mind. Did she have to break up with Jaune?

It occurred to her now that they'd only been together for a little over two months. Right? It felt longer than that somehow. And yet now it seemed like it had come and gone and she'd snapped out of it like it had all been a dream. But that whole time, hadn't she been happy? The happiest she'd ever been? Wasn't that what mattered?

Ruby tried to reason with herself. Long term they wouldn't have worked out, and for many good reasons that for the life of her she couldn't recall anymore. Meanwhile, her mind was assaulted with their moments alone, talking about the dorkiest things, laughing like idiots. She was pelted with the tiny gestures of affection, like how he always gave her his milk at lunch, or how he insisted that he walk by the road, how he held her hand or wrapped an arm around her, proud to show the world that he was her man. All these little things which put butterflies in her stomach, brought joy to her day, light to her life.

And she had just thrown it all away.

Oh god.

The panic set in fast. Her hands shook violently as she searched for Jaune's name in her phone, only to not find it. How? Had she deleted it? Why had she—no, wait, she'd put him in as My Muffin. She pressed the phone to her ear, shaking all the while, waiting for what felt like forever. Only for the call to time out and go to voicemail.

She tried again. It rang for another eternity. Ended on voicemail.

Tried again. Eternity. Voicemail.

Again. Voicemail.

"Pick up…" Ruby sobbed. "Please, pick up."

She tried countless times, but it all ended the same, with Jaune refusing to pick up. Slowly Ruby let her arm slide from her ear, phone flopping off the bed and clattering away, and she sat there, tears pooling, snot pouring. Feeling utterly and hopelessly spent.

What had she done? What the hell had she done?

Ruby wanted him back. She regretted everything. She wanted to go back and apologize and make things right again. She loved Jaune, right? He made her so happy. She didn't think she could take him being with someone else. She had to be the one with him. She would never find someone else. Never.

Ruby wrapped her arms around her legs, drew them to her chest, and sobbed in her knees. A hard, ugly, disgusting cry. The worst she'd felt in years. She wept and wept until it put her to sleep.

Perhaps she continued to cry in her dreams.

From waking to now, Ruby fussed over what to say to Jaune at school.

God, why hadn't she thought of this? Breaking up with him on Sunday? Seriously? No doubt the wounds were still fresh, meaning it wasn't likely Jaune wanted to listen to her. Damn it all. But she waited by their lockers anyway. Rehearsing a billion scenarios in her head, as she waited for him to come. The world around her went on like usual, utterly unaware of the savage waters Ruby was swimming. Perhaps apathetic.

Strange how she'd seen people in this situation before, or at least heard of it. You always heard rumors about some drama between friends and especially couples. Who had gotten together, who had broken up, the whys and hows. Ruby never thought she'd become a part of it. She certainly never saw herself getting a boyfriend, nor breaking up with him, nor immediately wanting him back. The thought of it was embarrassing enough to make her want to walk away and preserve some semblance of dignity. But the need to see Jaune outweighed that feeling for now.

Leaning against her locker, she watched from the corner of her eye, simultaneously not wanting to look like she was waiting for someone. Suddenly very hyper-aware of herself. Had she waited for Jaune like this every day?

But through the crowd, Ruby didn't see any trace of him. Tons of tall, blonde guys, but none with his trademark frown. Maybe because he had started smiling, he now looked just like any other guy and blended in. Perhaps he'd walked right by and she hadn't noticed him.

But Ruby did notice someone else coming through the crowd. Someone she saw every day, of course, but somehow still surprised her each time. Blake. The last thing Ruby wanted to do was ask her where Jaune was, but it was possible she knew. If it meant she could save her relationship, then she was willing to do anything.

Ruby approached her, offering no pretense at friendliness. She didn't care how Blake was doing, the thief she was. "Hey, have you seen Jaune?"

Blake frowned. "Good morning to you too."

Ruby didn't bother giving her sass the dignity of a response. "Have you seen Jaune?"

"Might have. What if I did?"

Ruby would punch her in the jaw over and over until it came clean off. But she settled for talking through her gritted teeth. "Nothing. I don't care about you. Have you seen Jaune or not?"

"Aren't you his girlfriend? Shouldn't you know where he is?"

So Jaune hadn't told her. That was a relief. The last thing she needed was Blake seizing more opportunities to steal. Still, everyone would find out soon and Ruby needed to alter course before then. "Fine. Nevermind," and she turned to leave.

"Wait," called Blake. She looked to be wrestling with something in her head. She bit her lip, then took a breath. "Ruby, I… I'm sorry."

Ruby narrowed her eyes at her. "Sorry? For what?"

"For… well, you know."

"No. I don't know. Explain."

Blake pursed her lips, seeming to blush. "I… how I tried to… well, get with Jaune. I knew you were together, and I didn't care. At the time."

"What's it matter? I heard it didn't work."

Blake stiffened. "Jaune told you?"

"He tells me everything." A lie, but lying to Blake was closer to exacting justice than not. "You aren't exactly subtle. We all knew what you were doing."

"I was wrong. Okay? I just… what I was trying to do… There's no excuse. From now on, I'll leave you alone. And Jaune too. Alright?"

Ruby didn't know what to say to that. She was confused by Blake all over again, and it irritated her. Did she really think she could do all the things she'd done and just say sorry? Not even just to her, but to everyone she called her friends. It just seemed so fake. So out of nowhere. What was with this sudden change of… heart…

"Can you tell Yang something for me?" Blake asked.

Ruby felt some anger leak out of her, so her words didn't have as much bite as she intended. "You can't do it yourself?"

"She hasn't responded to me. I don't think she will."

"For good reason."

Blake nodded in shameful admittance. "For good reason." She mimed.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Just that I'll be in the auditorium after school. I wanted to apologize to her face. Her and Sun. Please."

And when Ruby looked into her face, she saw that Blake meant it. And that made it hard to stay angry. Blake didn't wait for a response, just turning and leaving alone, while Ruby watched her go. It was a hard comparison to the Blake of not long ago, walking confidently alongside Jaune, staring dreamily up at him, not even attempting to hide her intentions. Here, Blake had seemed honest.

Had they caused this? Had their efforts in defeating Alter-Adam in her heart really made a difference? Ruby had no answer, nor any idea how to know.

But with Blake gone and the hallway nearly empty now, she came to terms with one certainty. Jaune was not showing up for school, and that made Ruby feel stupid. Of course he wouldn't come to school. Who the hell wants to see their ex literally the day after they're dumped? Ruby imagined she'd have asked to go to another school entirely. Perhaps that's what Jaune would do.

She couldn't even sigh as she headed off to class. Now, with no one for company.

You know what? Screw him, then. Ruby decided she didn't want him back.

Ruby stood before the mirror and put up the best smile she could. Too crooked, didn't look natural. She made the smile a little bigger, evened it out, and the bathroom light struck her lip gloss just right enough that it made her lips glisten. Then she swept away strand of hair out of her face. She had tucked her left side bangs behind her ear and pinned them there with a cute little pin. Her hair wasn't any longer for it, but it made the right side seem longer by comparison, which she thought looked good with the red highlights at the ends. She thought about some additional makeup. Mascara, maybe. No, that'd be trying too hard. She needed a natural look. Natural and bountiful and bold.

Today was a new day, as the saying went. And Ruby's life was still good. Great, even. She had a loving family, a ton of friends, and today looking in the mirror, she actually felt kind of pretty. No, hot. No, sexy.

On Fridays, the school permitted everyone to wear whatever outfit they wanted, though obviously within the guidelines. So yesterday, she'd gone and bought herself a particularly nice floral dress. She'd always liked flowers, but not so much dresses. Skirts had always been a solid middle ground. But today she was a new girl—no, a new woman. It was a dress with a striking square neck and thin straps. mostly, but with a patch of roses decorating the flowy skirt. But it wasn't just pretty. The roses were strewn with thorny stems, twisting in a web of vines, meant to shield the beautiful flowers from harm. Then, Ruby had bought some white low heel sandals, and they felt good to wear. Normally she would never even think of exposing so much of her arms, legs, or feet, but again, today she was a new woman. Bold and bodacious. Ew. Ruby cringed at that last word. Maybe not that.

She looked over herself one last time. She moved her hips side to side, practiced swaying as she walked, which took a few tries to look half-decent, decided that was good enough, and winked at herself in the mirror. Then she cringed again and quickly decided to leave before she did anything else to embarrass herself.

She got ready for school like usual. Took care of some chores, let Zwei out into the backyard, took out the trash, dressed her bed, message Jaune to make sure he was up, clean out the—Ruby stopped herself before she could hit send. She had done this so often that she could type up the message without looking at the screen, so she'd been doing it without thinking. It was a relief, though small, since opening the message tab revealed a slew of messages she'd sent over the last four days.

Hey, how are you?

Didn't see you at school.

Can we please talk?

Please, come to school.

I'll call you after class, okay?

Please, pick up.

Call me.

I miss you.

I love you.

That last one in particular made her cringe harder than ever before. She wanted to bang her head into a corner, it was so humiliating. In the moment, crying and low on self-esteem, the message had seemed more noble. She'd thought telling him that would rekindle the flame or something. Only now did she realize she had only made herself look stupid and desperate. Again. And what followed, naturally, was the question if she actually was stupid and desperate. Well, not today! Ruby closed her phone immediately.

She didn't need him. Didn't need anyone, actually. Okay, well not exactly. She needed her family obviously, and that's all. Well, her friends too. Friends that Jaune was also friends with. That would make things difficult when he came to school. Ugh, why was she arguing with herself about this? She didn't need a boyfriend and that was final. Screw Jaune.

Of course, thinking that brought on a wave of guilt that was hard to suppress. Jaune had done nothing wrong. It wasn't fair to be upset with him. She had dumped him, after all. And for good reasons. Very good reasons. There was no reason to be angry nor to be wallowing in misery. Jaune was probably going through worse than she was. She felt more guilty that the idea of him missing her was a little comforting. Then she wondered how he was handling it? Laying in bed crying? Punching something in anger?

Or maybe he had moved on to another girl? Was he in Blake's bed right now? Or Cinder's? Or both? Was that why he hadn't called? Too busy sleeping around with those nasty skanks? Back again to feeling guilty. Well, not about Cinder, because screw her. But Blake at least seemed better, though it was hard to tell since she barely saw her. Had saving her heart really changed her? She hoped so. Maybe Blake had apologized to everyone by now, earned back their friendship, and learned what it meant to be a good person. It was possible that Blake was much better now.

So much better that Jaune decided to date her? That also wasn't impossible. Jaune had fought very hard to keep her as a friend. Passionately hard. The idea of it made her feel sick.

No, she had to stop.

It didn't matter what Jaune did or with whom. They were broken up. No, she had left him. That had been her choice, and it was the right one. She had nothing to feel guilty about. Right?

The idea of Jaune being with other girls. Many girls, even. It didn't bother her at all. In the slightest. She was over the breakup and over him.

And shed prove it by getting another boyfriend.

"Sooo…" Ruby put her hand against the wall, using her arm to trap her prey. She used twisted a lock of hair around her finger seductively, as she graced the lucky boy with a sexy smile. "Whats your name, uh, stud?"

The stud returned her clearly seductive tactic with an equally sexy retort. He adjusted his massive, badly taped, thick-rimmed glasses, snorted up and swallowed a lump of phlegm, then broke a big smile, revealing a set of crooked yellow teeth. Finally, he spoke in heavy lisp, "Seth," and sprayed Ruby's face with spit. The best part? Her mouth was open.

It took everything to not completely lose her mind.

"Seth," Ruby mimed, trying her best to move past what was already the worst first impression imaginable. "You want to hang out sometime?"

He looked bewildered. "Go out? With you?"

What the hell did he mean by "with her"? He sounded like he could do better than her. Keeping up her smile, Ruby pressed. "Yeah, me."

His expression did not change as he stared at her. After a moment, he stated, "I'll pass." And went right back to playing on his handheld, as if she was a stranger he'd been forced to acknowledge as he passed by. Then he glanced back at her briefly, "We can bone though, if you're down."

Ruby narrowed her eyes. "Bone?"

"Yeah. You do head?"

"What?"

"You know, a gobby?"

"I don't know what that means."

He chuckled like she was stupid, and shook his head. "I gotta go. See ya, virgin."

And the guy walked off, just as if this was a job interview and Ruby had failed to meet even his lowest requirements. Ruby was actually offended. And, of course, embarrassed. She made a quick getaway to the bathroom, found a stall, sat, and buried her face in her hands.

Rejected by a freaking nerd. Her own people! Oh god, did she suck that much at flirting that she could even seduce a social outcast? This was low. The pits. The abyss.

It was a humble reminder that she was still that awkward, uncool, clumsy fail-girl she had always been, and that getting her first boyfriend had not changed that in the slightest. Just like when she started this new school, she felt like a tiny fish in a big pond. Surrounded by people who would never look her way.

Third rejection of the day, and the worst by far. It occurred to her now that she'd never been rejected before, because she never asked anyone out. That boy she'd pined over in middle school? She had simply waited for him to ask her out, as her friends at the time told her they were sure he was into her. All she had to do was say yes. Of course, it never happened and she'd gotten her heart broken by happening upon him kissing another girl, but at least she hadn't had to ask him herself, and being rejected straight up. This was the first time, and from a guy she didn't know enough to like or dislike.

And yet it still stung. Hurt enough to shift the surge of confidence she had into a deluge of shame. It made her want to cry, and mostly from the fact that she was so sensitive that anyone could put her into such a miserable state with just a few words. Now, more than ever, Ruby felt like a loser.

This had been a stupid idea. No way could she just find another boyfriend. What had she been thinking? Perhaps it was the fact that she'd seen plenty of other people do it, so why not her? Yang and Weiss never had trouble getting attention, and were more likely fighting off the hordes fiending for their attention. And Blake? Forget about it. That girl could sneeze and boys would line up to lick her spit. Ruby had to admit to envying them in that aspect of life.

She thought about talking to those boys who'd asked her out not long ago, but it quickly lost its appeal. It didn't feel right, rebounding to someone that was interested in her solely because she was single again. Ruby had to believe she hadn't lost every shred of dignity. Though if this kept up, it wouldn't be long before started dating the nearest trash can, provided her seduction stat rose higher than negative infinity.

In the quiet of the stall, with only her thoughts for company, Ruby tried to think of something else. Anything else to keep her mind off her breakup. She didn't know what to do with herself now that she wasn't going on the trip. Sure, she had a hangout with Pyrrha planned, but she hadn't been responding to Ruby's messages, either. Seemed even the church belle didn't want to hang out with Ruby McFailgirl. She wasn't a Heart Hunter anymore either, so she had all her free time back. Time she'd done nothing with.

Surely life wasn't over just because of a breakup. That made sense logically. So why did it feel like everything had gotten so much worse?

Everything was normal now. Wasn't that what she wanted? To no longer have to worry about fighting bloodthirsty monsters? To no longer was it concerned about saving people from their worst nightmares? To no longer have to go on these insane, memorable, terrifying, exciting adventures? She could just be normal old Ruby Rose-Xiao Long. The weird girl who spent all her time writing fanfiction, watching anime, and having no friends. That's what she wanted. It was too late to change her mind.

Ruby managed to muster up one more burst of dignity and left the stall, counting her blessings that the halls were empty. She didn't need the false belief that people had seen her colossal failure. She headed back to class with her arms tucked in front of her, head down. It was that sort of day.

Then, the moment she rounded a corner, she ran straight into a brick wall. Or well, a person built like one.

"I'm sorry!" Ruby exclaimed, as she looked up.

The first thing she saw were the coldest eyes on the planet.

Her heart leapt at the first assumption of where she'd seen eyes like that before, but it was a short lived hope. This guy's eyes were a steely, hard gray. Drained of all but the final embers of life. He stared down on her with a look of the most empty mercilessness, mouth set in a deep frown,accentuating a firm smooth jaw, and light bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in a week.

"Sorry," Ruby said again, almost whispering as she backed up to give him room.

"Forget it," the guy said, in a voice that was hard, but still boyish. Like it still had some trace of innocence. Ruby noticed his outfit was kind of a mess. He hadn't bothered to tie his tie, and it just hung loosely around his unfurled collar. The shirt itself was a little dirty too, though it rather matched his long gray hair, hanging long on one side of his face, but in a natural way, like he'd woken out of bed and whipped it into place with a flick of his head. With his sleeves rolled up, she could see his arms. Strong arms. He looked like he worked out. And when he reached up to scratch his brow, she saw stitches on his knuckles.

The question came out before she could stop herself. "How'd you get those?"

His face twisted with fast annoyance. Like she was a bug in his face. "What's it to you?"

Ruby's heart lurched in a panic. "Nothing. Nevermind. I'll go." She made to walk past him and he went off his way too. But at the last moment, she turned around, unable to resist her sudden curiosity. "What's your name?"

Halfway down the hall, he turned sideways to her. He was tall, she noticed. Not Jaune tall but compared to her, he was still giant. "What's it to you?"

"Just never seen you around."

He stared at her for a long, uncomfortable moment. Like a wolf watching its prey from the shadows. And Ruby met that stare back, hoping to show that she was no rabbit to be hunted, raising her chin as he sized her up. She wondered what he was looking at. Or for. "Mercury Black." He responded.

Ruby swore she remembered that name from somewhere. At the moment though, she couldn't recall it. "I'm Ruby. Rose. Ruby Rose. Xiao Long."

That's when his eyebrows rose. Like he recognized the name, no doubt because he probably knew of her sister, such was her popularity. Then, out of nowhere, he put up a smile. This lopsided, confident smirk, like he saw something impressive and couldnt help but take an interest. Which made no sense, since he was looking at her. The life seemed to return to his eyes, giving the gray a weird silver shine. It accentuated his young face, lean and angular. Handsome. Manly handsome. One moment he seemed to be in the foulest mood possible, the next he seemed brimming with delight. On and off like a switch. "Hm. Well, see ya around, Rose." And he walked away, hands in his pockets.

Ruby stood there stunned as he left. Watching till he'd vanished around a corner She couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed, but it was not an entirely unpleasant kind this time. She turned to head back to class, not quite uplifted out of her bad day.

But for the first time in the past few days, she didn't think about Jaune while she sat in class.

She thought about this boy named Mercury Black. She thought about his face, marked by a confident smirk. She thought about his eyes, dangerous and exciting.

She thought about what it might be like to kiss him.

And so Ruby's story comes to a worrying end and even more worrying beginning. How very circular.

See you in the next one.

ISA