The Best-Laid (Nonexistent) Plans

Theme: Humor/Comedy, Action, Adventure, Friendship

Rating: General

A dense forest at the edge of a small border village. Kakashi, Asuma, and Genma are on a covert mission to gather intel on enemy movement; however, things have gone off the rails. The three find themselves completely surrounded by enemy shinobi, hiding behind a large boulder as they strategize their next move... or lack thereof.

The air is tense as Kakashi peeks over the boulder they're crouched behind. Enemies are closing in from all sides, and escape looks impossible. Asuma, designated the team captain for this mission, is fiddling with his cigarettes, trying to light one despite the situation. Genma has a senbon clenched between his teeth, his brows furrowed as he scans their surroundings.

Kakashi leans in close, lowering his voice. "Okay… so what's our exit plan?"

Asuma freezes mid-light, the cigarette dangling from his mouth. "Our what?"

Genma blinks, eyes wide. "Wait… you mean to tell me we don't have an exit plan?"

Asuma straightens up defensively, blowing a puff of smoke. "I thought Kakashi had one!"

Kakashi's lone visible eye squints in disbelief. "You're the captain, Asuma. Planning is kinda your thing."

Asuma scratches the back of his head, glancing around at the approaching enemies. "I mean, yeah, but I was going to wing it."

Genma stares at him in horror. "Oh my god. We're all going to die."

Kakashi calmly flips open his Icha Icha novel, apparently unbothered by the imminent danger. "Well, at least it'll be a dramatic ending."

Genma snaps. "This is not how I wanted to go out! Surrounded by enemies, and I didn't even get to finish my latest batch of dango back home!"

Asuma shrugs. "I mean, I can think of worse ways to go."

Genma glares at him. "Like what? Choking on a senbon?!"

Kakashi flips a page in his book, completely ignoring the rising tension. "Relax, Genma. No need to get worked up. We'll think of something."

The enemies start closing in. Shuriken glint in the distance, and one or two rogue kunai embed themselves into the ground near the boulder.

Kakashi yawns. "Any time now, Captain."

Asuma sighs, taking a long drag from his cigarette. "Alright, fine. Here's the plan. We go out there, hit them hard, make it look like we've got everything under control, and hope for the best."

Genma throws his hands in the air. "That's not a plan! That's a death wish!"

Kakashi casually shuts his book. "I've survived worse."

Genma rolls his eyes. "That's because you're you. Not everyone has plot armor."

Kakashi chuckles under his breath. "What was that?"

Before Genma can retort, the enemies make their move, launching a barrage of kunai and shuriken. The three of them leap into action, dodging projectiles in what can only be described as pure chaos.

Asuma charges forward, his chakra-infused trench knives flashing as he takes down a few enemies, calling out over his shoulder, "Stick to the plan!"

Genma, still exasperated, is deflecting kunai left and right with his senbon, muttering, "What plan?! There is no plan!"

Kakashi, meanwhile, is flipping through hand seals with one hand while holding his book in the other, lazily fending off attackers. "I'm improvising."

The battle rages on, the three of them somehow managing to fight off waves of shinobi, despite the lack of strategy. Every time an enemy comes close to getting the upper hand, one of them—often by sheer luck—manages to turn the tables.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the last enemy falls, and the forest is eerily quiet again.

Kakashi surveys the scene, dusting off his flak jacket. "Well, that went better than expected."

Asuma exhales a deep breath, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Told you. Winging it works."

Genma, breathing hard, glares at both of them. "I hate you guys. I seriously thought we were goners back there."

Kakashi smirks, his visible eye crinkling. "You worry too much, Genma."

Asuma slings an arm over Genma's shoulders, pulling him into a friendly headlock. "Come on, admit it—it was fun."

Genma grumbles, shaking him off. "I'm going to need a week of hot springs after this."

The three of them start walking back toward the village, bruised and exhausted but alive. By the time they reach the gates of Konoha, the adrenaline has worn off, and they're laughing at the absurdity of it all.

As they approach the gates, the chunin on duty give them curious looks. "What's so funny?"

Asuma grins, holding up his cigarette. "Just another day at the office."

Kakashi chuckles, flipping his book open again. "Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary."

Genma, still shaking his head, mutters, "I'm never trusting either of you with a mission plan ever again."

But despite his protests, the laughter between the three of them lingers in the air as they stroll back into the village, knowing they'll be back at it again soon enough.

END

A/N: Okay! Three makes a collection! Again, not promising anything but will update this series every Saturday or whenever I feel like it (until supplies last). Hehe

Hope you like this trio because I love putting them all together. Thank you for reading!