Shadow Over Hellmouth Chapter 87: The Body, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

"The Body"

Based on the Episode Written by Joss Whedon

Buffy unlocked and opened the front door and entered her home. "Hey, Mom."

There was no response.

Buffy closed the door, then turned to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket. "Hey. Want me to pick Dawn up from school?"

There was no response.

Buffy frowned, looking down the hall toward the kitchen. "Mom?"

She turned and looked in the living room. Her mother was laying on the sofa in an unnatural position. Her eyes were open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hung loosely over the edge of the sofa. She did not move or blink.

Buffy walked into the living room, then stopped. "Mom?"

Nothing from Joyce.

"Mom?"

Nothing from Joyce.

"Mommy?" Buffy asked in terror.

Joyce's eyes were open and unseeing.

Buffy rushed over and began shaking Joyce by the shoulders. "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!"

She got no reaction.

Buffy got up, panting and sniffling. She went into the kitchen, where she picked up the phone and dialed 911. She fidgeted anxiously while it rang.

"911 emergency."

"Hello?" Buffy asked.

"Do you have-"

"My mom, she-she's not breathing."

"Is she conscious?"

Buffy moved back into the living room. "No. I-I-I can't; she-she's not breathing."

"Okay, I need you to give me your address."

"What?"

"I'm gonna send an ambulance over."

"1630 Rivelo; it-it's a house; Rivelo, near Hadley."

"I'm sending a unit right away. Are you alone in the house?"

"Yes."

"Well, did you see what happened? Did she fall?"

"No, no, I-I came home, and she - What should I do?"

"Do you know how to administer CPR?"

Buffy was upset. "No, I don't remember."

"Okay, it's very simple. You wanna tilt your mother's head back, cover her mouth with yours, and breathe into her mouth."

Buffy dropped the phone to her side and moved toward Joyce. "I know this. I know this. God." She put the phone down and took hold of Joyce's legs, pulling Joyce down across the sofa, so she lay flat. "I can do this. Okay. Okay." She tilted Joyce's head back, opened her mouth, pinched Joyce's nose shut, and breathed into Joyce's mouth twice. Then she began chest compressions. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight..." She made a face, then did two more breaths and resumed compressions. "One, two, three-"

She heard a cracking noise.

"Oh! Oh, God." Buffy reached for the phone. "I - Are you there? I-I broke something."

"Hello?"

"It cracked."

"Is she breathing?"

"No."

"Paramedics should be there in a moment. You might have cracked a rib. It's not important."

Buffy put her hand on Joyce's. "She's cold."

There was silence for a moment.

"The body's cold?"

Buffy was offended. "No, my mom! Sh-Should I make her warm?"

"No...if she's not responding to CPR, the best thing is to wait for the paramedics, okay?"

"When will they be here?" Buffy asked, angry.

"They're very nearby."

Buffy dropped the phone to her side and looked up at the window, then stood up. Bright sunshine streamed in through the window. It was totally quiet except for the faint sound of the 911 operator's voice.

Buffy brought the phone back up to her ear. "I have to make a call."

She pressed the hang-up button. Buffy hit a speed-dial button. She heard it dialing, then ringing.

"Thank you for calling the Magic Box, your one-stop spot to shop for all your occult needs."

"Tara. You have to come home."

"Buffy?" Tara asked.

"It's m-my mom. Please."

Buffy ended the call, then turned to look over her shoulder. She walked to the front door, opened it, and looked out. She heard a siren and saw the ambulance coming to a stop on the street. Buffy went back inside, leaving the door open.

Buffy walked back into the living room. Buffy stared at Joyce laying on the sofa as she heard the ambulance doors close and footsteps approaching. Joyce wore a knee-length skirt, but it had bunched up a bit, and her slip was showing. Buffy glanced anxiously toward the door, went over, and pulled Joyce's skirt down to cover the slip. She turned and went back to the doorway.

"She's in here."

Two male paramedics entered, carrying equipment. Buffy watched anxiously as they put their stuff down and checked Joyce.

The first one put his hand on Joyce's throat. "I'm getting no pulse."

"Let's lay her out."

They lifted Joyce onto the floor. The first paramedic had a stethoscope and a flashlight.

"How long's she been like this?" the second paramedic asked Buffy.

"I found her - a-a few - few minutes."

The first paramedic checked Joyce's eyes.

The second paramedic attached some wires to Joyce's chest. "Was she conscious?"

"No."

"I'm bagging her."

"What?" Buffy asked the first paramedic.

"We're gonna intubate. Just trying to get her to breathe, all right?" the second paramedic explained.

Buffy nodded. The first paramedic reached for more equipment.

"This your mother?" the second paramedic asked.

"Yes."

"She have any serious physical health problems, any history of heart disease?"

The first paramedic inserted a tube in Joyce's mouth.

"No. I mean there - there was a tumor, a brain tumor, but she had an operation, and she's fine now. She-She's been fine."

The first paramedic covered Joyce's face with an oxygen mask and held the mask in place while the second paramedic did chest compressions. The EKG machine made a rhythmic, breath-like sound but showed a flatline. The second paramedic checked Joyce's wrist for a pulse, then resumed chest compressions. There was utter silence except for the sound of the paramedic continuing CPR. The EKG machine still showed a flatline.

The second paramedic stopped CPR and turned to the first paramedic. "She's cold, man."

Buffy stared, wide-eyed, shocked.

"Call it."

The first paramedic looked grim and began to pack up his stuff. Buffy's lower lip began to tremble.

The second paramedic stood up slowly and walked toward Buffy. "I'm sorry."

Buffy stared at him, wide-eyed. "Wha-What do we do now?"

"I'm sorry, but I have to tell you that...your mother's dead."

Buffy stared.

"It looks like she did die a good while before you found her. There's...nothing you could have done."

"W-What...?" Buffy couldn't finish the question, staring at him with tears in her eyes.

"I'm guessing it must have been an aneurysm or some clotting. Some complication from surgery. She probably felt...very little pain. I'm gonna call it in. The coroner's office will come by and take her in, and they'll determine the cause of death conclusively."

Buffy continued to stare at him.

"Dispatch 7, we have a 206; what's your status?"

"We're moving."

"Location is Beaumont and 9th; your gig is on the street; go now."

"Okay. We gotta fly."

The second paramedic looked at the first paramedic. "All right." He looked at Buffy. "I'm gonna call this right away. Now, the coroner's office may take a while. In the meanwhile, I think you should sit, have a glass of water, and try not to disturb the body."

Buffy was still staring at him.

"Do you need anything? Is there someone you can call?"

"Someone's coming."

The first paramedic walked to the doorway, carrying his stuff. "Let's go."

The second paramedic turned to pick up his stuff, then turned back to Buffy. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

He exited, leaving the front door open. Buffy walked to the door, still holding the phone, and looked out. The ambulance doors closed, the engine started, and the ambulance drove away.

Buffy turned and walked back inside, still holding the phone, still dazed. She looked toward Joyce. She heard the ambulance siren starting up.

Buffy turned and walked toward the kitchen, putting down the phone on a table. She got to the back of the dining room just before the kitchen door. Suddenly, she fell to her knees and vomited on the floor. She heard the sound of her mother's wind chimes over her retching noises.

Buffy stood up slowly. She put a hand on her stomach, walked through the kitchen, to the back door, opened it, and looked out. She heard birds singing, distant voices, and ordinary city noises. Buffy's face was sweaty and pale. She stood there for a moment, then turned back inside, leaning on the door for support. She looked at the kitchen island, walked over to it, and took a bunch of paper towels off the roll. Leaving the back door open, she went back into the dining room and put the paper towels over the spot on the carpet where she vomited. The moisture began to seep through.

Buffy heard the sound of an engine approaching and stopping.

"Buffy!" Tara called.

Buffy turned.

Tara stood in the front doorway. "What is it? Is your mom all right?"

Buffy stood up. "I'm waiting. The - The coroner's coming."

"What?" Tara took a few steps inside.

Buffy nodded toward Tara's left. Tara looked, saw Joyce's body, and gasped.

Buffy stared.

"Oh!" Tara looked at Buffy. "What happened?!"

"I don't know. Some complication from the tumor, they think." Buffy began crying.

"Shh." Tara hurried over and put her hands on Buffy's shoulders, rubbing her shoulders and neck. "Shh, darling."

"I can't do this."

Tara kissed Buffy on the forehead, then three times on the mouth, in an attempt to calm her. Buffy returned the kiss.

Tara leaned her forehead against Buffy's. "We can do this."

They both nodded. Tara continued rubbing Buffy's shoulders.

Buffy sniffled. "Okay."

"We can be strong."

"Okay." Buffy nodded, sniffling.

"Love you so much."

"I know. I love you, too."

"Buffy!" Giles called.

Buffy and Tara turned.

Giles stood in the front doorway, panting. "What is it? Is it Glory?"

"It's my mom."

"What?" Giles took a few steps inside. "I'm not sure..." He looked to his left and saw Joyce's body for the first time. "Oh, God." He rushed toward her.

Buffy rushed after Giles. "No. No. Don't. No, it's too late."

"Joyce?" Giles asked.

"They're - They're coming for her; no, no, we're-"

Buffy rounded the corner and found Giles bending over Joyce, shaking her.

"Joyce!" Giles yelled.

"We're not supposed to move the body!" Buffy cried desperately.

Giles turned to look at her. Buffy was aghast, putting her hand to her mouth as she realized what she said. Tara quickly ran over to Buffy and put her arms around her. Buffy stared in shock past Tara's shoulder at Joyce.

Buffy didn't know how long that they stood like that, but soon she heard multiple vehicles approach and stop outside. Soon, two people from the coroner's office came in, carrying a stretcher and a body bag. They were followed by two police officers. Tara let go of Buffy.

One officer walked over to Buffy. "Is this your mother?"

"Yes."

"Would you please find her ID, like a driver's license? We also need her Social Security number."

Buffy was in a daze. "I, uh..."

"I'll look for them, sweetie." Tara started searching the living room, then walked through the dining room and into the kitchen.

"Do you have the name of your mother's doctor?" the officer asked.

"Aaron Kriegel. Sunnydale Memorial."

"Was your mother taking any medication?"

"Uh...she was...before...but not recently."

"Do you know what she was taking?"

"I don't remember the names."

Tara walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs.

Buffy watched Joyce's body being zipped into the body bag. The coroner's office employee pulled the zipper up over her face.

"And your name?" the officer asked Buffy.

"Buffy Anne Summers."

The officer stared at her. "Have I seen you somewhere before? Down at the station, maybe?"

"Uh, I-I guess. I'm sometimes over there when I need to file a report."

The officer stared at her, clearly confused. Buffy pointed at her badge, which was clipped to a belt loop on her blue jeans. The officer nodded.

Tara walked downstairs and over to the officer. She offered Joyce's driver's license and Social Security card to him. He took them.

Tara looked at Buffy. "Miss Kitty was sleeping on your mom's bed. I put her in our room, gave her food, and closed the door."

"Thank you."

The officer offered Joyce's driver's license and Social Security card to Buffy. Buffy took them, looked at her mother's photo for a moment, and shoved them in her back pocket.

"Okay, we done here?" the first officer asked his partner.

"Yeah. They're ready."

The first officer looked at Buffy. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

The people from the coroner's office removed Joyce's body from the house, and the police officers followed. Buffy followed them outside. Tara and Giles followed her. They watched Joyce's body being loaded into the back of the vehicle.

"Do you want a moment with her?" one of the employees asked.

Buffy shook her head.

He closed the back of the vehicle. They got in and drove off. The police officers also drove off.

Buffy looked down, thinking. "I have to tell Dawn. She's at school." She looked up. "I'll go there."

"I'll drive you, sweetie." Tara held out her hand.

Buffy got her keys out of her pocket and gave them to Tara. She looked at Giles.

Giles nodded. "I'll meet you there." He walked over to his car.

Buffy and Tara walked into the main office of Sunnydale Junior High School and over to the counter.

"May I help you?" the woman asked.

"Um, my name is Buffy Summers. I'm here to pick up my sister, Dawn."

"The school day's almost over. If you'd like to have a seat and wait-"

"No!" Buffy yelled.

The woman started.

"Sorry. I'm...sorry. Um, it's an emergency. Please bring her here. And, uh, I need to speak to the principal."

Tara looked at Buffy. "We should also get her assignments from her teachers - in case she has to miss multiple days."

Buffy looked at her. "Yeah, uh, can you get those?"

"Sure."

Dawn was leaning against a wall in the girls' restroom, crying. "Oh, God. I can't believe it."

"It's not that bad."

"How can you say it's not that bad?" Dawn asked in disbelief.

"I just don't think it's that big a deal."

Dawn heard the toilet flushing.

"Kevin Berman called me a freak in front of everybody." Dawn shrugged. "No, that's no big deal."

The toilet stall door in front of her opened.

Lisa came out of the stall and walked forward. "He didn't say you were a freak."

Lisa went over to the sinks, which Dawn was standing next to, and began washing her hands.

"Forget it."

"He just said you were...freaky. Which, you know, freaky can be...sort of cool."

"Oh, yeah. Really cool." Dawn's eyes were teary. "I'm a suicidal head-case."

"You know it was Kirsty. She was telling people how you were into cutting yourself and how you-"

"That's such a lie! I got cut. By accident. One time." Dawn walked into the toilet stall and took some toilet paper to wipe her face.

Lisa took some paper towels from a dispenser to dry her hands.

"Now, Kevin thinks I'm a-"

"Well, that was when you were wigging out about your family, and of course Kirsty's gotta turn everything into a story."

Dawn walked out of the stall, wiping her eyes.

"She was telling people that you were adopted."

"What a prima bitch. I swear...if I could make her head explode using only the power of my mind?" Dawn brought up. "That's what I'd be doing right about now."

Lisa nodded.

Dawn wiped her eyes more and sighed, teary. "Great. Now, I look like a wet rat."

"Yeah, you know you can't go out there looking all cry-faced. That'll just give Kirsty more ammo."

The bell rang.

Dawn continued wiping her eyes. "You know? My big sister could really beat the shit out of her."

Lisa nodded.

"I mean really, really." Dawn blew her nose. "Okay. What do you think?" She turned to face Lisa. "Can I show my face?"

"You're good to go. We're gonna be late, anyway."

"Oh, great, it's Art. I'm not gonna be able to look Kevin in the eye."

"You've never looked Kevin in the eye. At least, now, he knows your name."

"Yeah, freaky psycho gal."

"Come on. Let's represent." Lisa opened the door for Dawn.

The two girls walked out of the restroom, backpacks on their shoulders. The hallway was full of kids.

"Have you studied at all for Geometry?" Lisa asked.

Dawn shrugged. "Some. It's pretty much baby shit."

"I don't have a math brain."

"We can go over it during study hall-"

Amanda joined them. "Kirsty alert."

They passed a couple of blonde girls that smirked at them.

Kirsty smiled sweetly. "Hey, Dawn."

"Hey."

"How you doing? You okay?"

"Good, thanks for asking."

Dawn, Amanda, and Lisa continued walking, rolling their eyes.

"Bitch!" Dawn muttered softly.

"Want me to kick her ass for you?" Amanda offered.

"Tempting."

The bell rang again.

Dawn, Amanda, and Lisa entered the art classroom. The walls were glass from the ceiling to about three feet off the ground. Rows of easels were set up. Dawn stared wide-eyed at Kevin at the back of the classroom.

Ms. Matza was standing beside the model, which was a three-foot-high statue of a naked woman. "Okay. Remember, we're not...drawing the object."

Dawn and Lisa went to the back and took easels on either side of Kevin. Dawn looked nervously at him.

"We're drawing...the negative space...around the object."

The students began to draw.

Kevin didn't look at Dawn. "Hey."

Dawn tried to be cool. "Oh. Hey, Kevin."

"What's goin' on?"

"Um, negative space." Dawn gave him a nervous smile.

Kevin smiled. "Yeah, what's that all about?"

Dawn scoffed. "Yeah."

Kevin looked at her paper. "That's pretty good."

Dawn smiled. "Thanks."

Behind Kevin, Lisa held up her pad of paper, on which she had written "HE WANTS YOU!" Dawn gave her friend a scolding look, then turned back to her drawing.

"So I heard you, like, had a freak-out and cut yourself."

"Uh, no, not even. It was a whole..." Dawn paused. "It was so not-"

"I've felt like that before."

Dawn was surprised.

"Things get so crazed, you know, you just feel like you wanna do something...extreme."

"Yeah. But it was an accident."

Kevin smiled, returning to his drawing.

Dawn frowned. "Then Kirsty's gotta blab it everywhere, 'cause she's-"

"Kirsty, man. It's like she thinks 'I'm so hot, everybody should just bow down before me.' And I'm like 'Whatever.'"

Dawn smiled and laughed. "She's so superficial. Everything's always about clothes or who likes who, and...there's just way more important stuff going on. There's a lot of...crucial...you know...stuff."

"Yeah."

"Uh, this one time in History, uh, she had this book called Annals of History, and she didn't know how to say the word 'annals', so she kept saying 'anals'."

"Ms. Matza?" a voice came over the intercom.

"Yes?"

"Do you have Dawn Summers?"

Dawn and Lisa looked at each other in surprise.

"Yes."

"Would you please send her to the office?"

"Ooooooh!" most of the students chanted.

"Yes."

"Thank you."

Dawn put down her charcoal, left behind her half-finished sketch of the statue, and walked toward the door. She opened it and closed the classroom door behind her as she exited into the hall.

She walked in silence to the office, wondering what they wanted.

Dawn opened the door and walked into the main office. The door closed behind her.

Dawn walked up to the counter. "Dawn Summers."

"Principal's office."

Dawn walked to the principal's office, wary, and opened the door. Principal Stevens was sitting at her desk. Buffy was sitting in a chair in front of the desk.

"Dawn, come on in and close the door."

Dawn walked into the office, closing the door behind her.

"Am I in trouble?" Dawn asked.

"Have a seat."

Dawn walked over and sat in the chair to Buffy's right.

Buffy looked into Dawn's eyes. "Dawn."

Dawn turned and looked at her sister.

Buffy stared at her. "I have to talk to you."

Dawn was apprehensive. "I thought Mom was picking me up."

Buffy didn't know how to start.

"What's going on? Something's going on. Tell me what's going on."

"It's...bad...news."

"Well, what is it? What happened?" Dawn asked anxiously.

Buffy's eyes were teary. "Mom...had an accident. Or, um...something went...wrong from the tumor."

Dawn suddenly had tears in her eyes. "Is she okay? Is she..." She paused. "But she's okay? But...it's - it's serious, but-"

"Dawn, Mom died this morning. While we were both at school, she-"

"No..." Dawn slowly began to cry as the news sunk in. She put her hand over her mouth and shook her head.

"I don't know exactly what happened, but...she's dead..."

"No. No, no, no, no, you're lying; you're lying; she's fine; she's fine, and you're lying; oh, no, no, please, please, no, you're lying; she's fine; she's fine..." Dawn was sobbing uncontrollably; none of her screams or pleading or anything made a dent in the wave of grief crushing her.

Buffy reached out to her, but Dawn was not ready to be held, not able to do anything but deny.

Buffy was crying anew. "Dawnie..."

"It's not true; it's not real; it's not real; ohhhhh, noooooo...no. No, it's not true. No, you're a liar! You're a fucking liar! She's fine!" Dawn screamed.

Buffy tried to comfort Dawn. Dawn pulled away.

The office door opened, and Tara walked in. She closed the door and could only watch.

Buffy, Tara, and Dawn walked into the waiting room of the wing at Sunnydale Memorial Hospital that contained the morgue. Giles was sitting in a chair, drinking a cup of coffee. The ladies walked over to him and sat down - Tara to his right, Buffy to her right, and Dawn to her right.

Giles looked over at Dawn. "I'm so sorry about your mother, Dawn."

Dawn barely looked at him. "Thanks."

"What's going on?" Buffy asked Giles.

"Dr. Kriegel, um, has gone in to perform the autopsy. It will be a while."

"Dr. Kriegel? Shouldn't the coroner, um, do...it?" Buffy asked.

"Dr. Kriegel was available at the moment, and he's qualified."

"Okay."

Tara looked at Buffy. "I'm, uh, gonna go and make some phone calls, let the gang know."

Giles looked at Tara. "Actually, I've already called Jenny at the university and let her know. She said she was going to let the others know."

Buffy looked at him. "Thank you."

Soon, Jenny, Amy, Katrina, Harmony, Sandy, and Julie walked into the waiting room. Buffy, Tara, Dawn, and Giles stood up. Jenny, Amy, Katrina, Harmony, Sandy, and Julie each hugged Buffy, Dawn, and Tara, each offering a variation of the same condolence. None of them had known Joyce particularly well, but they wanted to comfort their friends.

Jenny looked at Buffy. "If there's anything we can do..."

Buffy rubbed Jenny's arm. "Thank you, Jenny. Glad you're here."

"Any word on, uh...?" Amy asked.

Dawn shook her head. "They're not telling us anything."

Giles was looking around when he noticed Dr. Kriegel, wearing a white coat over blue hospital scrubs, approaching.

"Doctor?" Giles asked.

Everyone looked over at the doctor. He walked forward. Buffy, Tara, and Dawn walked forward to meet him. The others stayed behind in a group.

"Okay, I've examined your mother's body."

"Can we see her?" Dawn asked.

Buffy briefly looked at her. "Dawn, not now."

"The on-site report seems more or less accurate. Your mother did have what looks like an aneurysm. A sudden hemorrhaging from a ruptured arterial vessel near the, uh...where the tumor was removed."

"Shouldn't we have known about that, that...was a danger?" Buffy asked.

"Sometimes these things are detectable, and sometimes they're not. Joyce was aware of the possibility of a rupture and the effects. She didn't even get on the phone, so clearly this was very sudden."

Dawn stared at the floor.

"She, uh, may have felt a little nausea and probably passed out as it happened. I doubt there was much pain, and...even if someone had been by her side...it's doubtful that this could have been dealt with in time."

"Are you sure...that there wasn't a lot of pain?" Buffy asked him.

Dr. Kriegel nodded. "Absolutely. I think we can be almost positive about that."

"What, uh, what, uh, needs to be done now?" Buffy asked.

"Well, there, uh, there'll be some forms and some decisions you'll need to make."

Jenny walked forward. "Uh, Buffy, why don't you let me handle those as much as I can?"

"Please."

Dr. Kriegel looked at Buffy. "We will need you to...sign a couple of release forms."

Jenny looked at Buffy. "I'll, uh, figure out which ones you need to see."

"We'll be here."

Jenny went off with the doctor.

"Why don't we sit down?" Tara took both Buffy and Dawn by the hands and led them to a sofa.

Buffy sat. Tara sat on Buffy's right. Dawn remained standing.

"Dawnie, do you wanna sit?" Tara asked.

Dawn shook her head.

Buffy looked at Dawn. "I don't think we're gonna have to be here very long."

"What about...?" Dawn stopped.

"What about what?" Buffy asked.

Dawn shook her head. "Nothing. I have to piss."

"Do you want someone to go with you?"

Dawn gave her sister a sullen look. "No. I still remember how to piss." She turned away.

"Do you know where it is?"

"Yeah." Dawn walked off.

Buffy looked at her friends. "I think maybe she's...mad at me or something."

"'Cause you were the one that told her?" Amy asked.

"How'd she take it?" Katrina asked.

"Meltdown. She just wouldn't believe me. I still don't think she does."

"Do you want anything? Something to eat or...soda?" Harmony asked.

"Honestly, I...couldn't tell."

Tara looked at Buffy. "Maybe a soda? To get something back into your system?"

Buffy thought about it. "Yeah, and maybe Dawn could use a snack."

"I'll - I'll find something." Harmony turned and walked away.

"We'll come with." Amy followed her.

Katrina, Sandy, and Julie followed.

Buffy looked around. Giles was sitting in a chair way behind them, by himself, his face turned away. Buffy dimly understood why. Buffy and Tara looked at each other.

Buffy gently caressed Tara's cheek. "I'm sorry...you have to go through all of this."

"You don't have to worry about me."

"Everybody wants to help. I don't even know if I'm...here. I don't know what's going on. Never done this." Buffy paused. "That's just an amazingly dumb thing to say. Obviously...I've never done this before."

Tara frowned and looked at the floor.

Buffy thought for a moment. "Jesus, Tara, I'm sorry. This must...I'm sorry."

Tara looked at Buffy. "It hurts."

Buffy looked at her.

Tara gave a small, sympathetic smile. "It's okay."

They sat there, looking at each other. Then they hugged.

Harmony was searching for a vending machine, and the others followed.

Harmony finally found a Pepsi machine and a snack machine. She looked at the others. "Uh, does anyone have any quarters?"

Sandy took out her wallet and unzipped it. "I got it."

Harmony thought of something. "Oh, I should call Cordy and let her know." She took out her cell phone and walked away. She pressed a speed-dial button.

The phone rang three times.

"Angel Investigations and Hyperion Hotel. We help the helpless, and our rates are low."

"Hi, Cordy."

"Hi, Harm. What's up?" Cordelia asked.

"Um...Buffy's mom died today."

"Oh, my God." Cordelia paused for a moment. "How?"

"Complication from the tumor." Harmony paused. "Uh, we're at the morgue."

"How are Buffy and Dawn?" Cordelia asked.

Harmony paused. "Not good. Do you wanna talk to her?"

"Yeah."

Dawn walked out of the restroom. She looked around the corner, into the waiting room, and saw Buffy and Tara talking. She looked over at the door that led to the morgue. A red sign on the door read "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY". Dawn went over to that door.

Dawn opened the door and entered the hallway. It was fairly dark. She looked behind her, then began to walk slowly down the hallway in utter silence.

She looked inside the morgue. Several sheet-covered bodies lay on metal tables.

Dawn opened the door, went inside, turned, and bolted the door shut. She turned back and walked slowly past the row of bodies covered by sheets, toward the one at the end, in complete silence.

Dawn walked up to the last table, farthest from the door. She stared at the shape on the table, closed her eyes, then opened them. She reached out a hand, apprehensive. Dawn pulled her hand back without removing the sheet, took a step back, and swallowed with difficulty.

Buffy and Tara were still sitting on the sofa. The ladies returned. Sandy held two cans of regular Pepsi and a bag of Doritos. She offered a can to Buffy and a can to Tara.

Buffy took a can. "Thank you."

Tara took a can. "Thank you."

Sandy held up the bag of Doritos. "What about Dawnie?" She sat beside Buffy and looked around. "Is she still in the bathroom?"

Buffy frowned. "I guess." She set down her can and got up. "You guys wait here."

"Hello?" Cordelia asked.

Harmony frowned. "Uh, I'll call you back." She ended the call.

Buffy walked over to the hallway, looked at the door marked "Women", then looked across to the door marked "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY". She went to the second door and opened it.

Buffy walked down the dark hallway, first slowly, then faster. Buffy arrived at the morgue, looked through the window, and saw Dawn.

Buffy pushed the door, but it was still locked. Buffy threw herself against it, and it burst open.

Dawn pulled the sheet down a bit, exposing Joyce's head.

"Dawn?" Buffy asked.

Dawn looked at Joyce's face. Joyce's eyes were still open.

Dawn didn't take her eyes off Joyce, staring into her dead, unseeing eyes. "Is she cold?"

"It's not her." Buffy slowly walked up behind her sister. "It's not her. She's gone."

Dawn frowned slightly. "Where'd she go?"

Buffy didn't have an answer to that.

Dawn lifted her hand and reached out, very slowly. Dawn's hand moved slowly toward Joyce's cheek.

She closed her mother's eyes and stared at the body for a moment, then she pulled the sheet back up.

Buffy put a hand on Dawn's shoulder. Dawn turned around and fell against Buffy, hugging her. Buffy hugged Dawn.

Tara looked at the others. "I guess we should take over patrolling and all that."

Amy nodded. "Yeah."

Katrina nodded. "Oh, yeah."

Tara wiped away a tear. "For however long."

Harmony nodded. "You know it."

Buffy and Dawn walked back into the room.

"Has Jenny come back?" Buffy asked, picking up her can.

Julie shook her head. "Not yet."

"Will you guys excuse me for a while?" Buffy asked. "I need to be alone."

Tara nodded. "Of course."

Buffy turned and left the room.

Buffy walked into the hospital's chapel. It was a small room with a few rows of chairs. There was a stained-glass image of a generic path surrounded by green grass on either side and a blue sky and white clouds above. There was also a simple wooden cross.

Buffy closed the door behind her and walked to the front row. She sat in a chair in front of the cross, stared at it for a moment, then lowered her head.

She didn't know how long that she sat there in silent thought, but she eventually heard the door open and close.

Tara joined her, sitting to her right. "Jenny's back. Once you sign the forms, we can leave."

"Leave?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah. Home."

"Home." Buffy paused. "What am I gonna do at home?"

"I don't know. Eat dinner? Look at old photos?"

"I don't know how to cook dinner. Or anything. Not really."

"I'll handle it. I'll even teach you."

"Thank you." Buffy paused. "What's gonna happen to Dawn?"

"What do you mean?" Tara asked.

"Do you think my dad will try to take her away?"

"I hadn't thought of that. I hope not." Tara paused. "You could apply to be her legal guardian."

Buffy thought about that. "I guess I'll have to. I don't wanna lose her." She paused. "There's so much to do. Arranging the funeral, transferring things to my name. How am I gonna do all of that?"

"You're not. I'm here for you." Tara put her left hand on Buffy's right thigh. "We're all here for you. You don't have to do this alone."

"I don't wanna burden you."

"It's no burden."

"Thank you." Buffy paused. "I don't know where to start."

"We'll divide up the tasks. We'll do one thing at a time. We're in this together, okay?" Tara reminded her.

Buffy nodded. Tara kissed her on the lips.

Buffy looked at the cross. "I came in here, thinking...I don't know what. I needed quiet time. I thought maybe I could say a prayer for my mom. But I've got nothing." She looked at Tara. "I doubt God will listen to me. Maybe he killed my mom to punish me."

Tara was surprised. "I don't-"

"He gave her - us - false hope. 'Whew! You're cured! Haha, no, you're not! Surprise! You're fucking dead!'" Buffy exclaimed. "It's gotta take a special level of cruelty to do that to someone - and their loved ones."

Tara was concerned and upset and could only watch sadly.

"Why didn't she tell me about the possibility of her...of this happening?" Buffy asked.

"She probably didn't want to worry you."

"She already did before she went in for her surgery." Buffy paused. "She should have told me. I would have been prepared...a little."

Tara shrugged.

"Do you think people that die unexpectedly enjoy an afterlife? Do they even want to be there? Do they try to kick God's ass?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know." Tara paused. "But, Buffy, you're not the first person to ask these questions. People in many different religions wonder why the creator of the universe would allow cruelty and suffering. Even Wiccans."

"Maybe there's no meaning behind any of it. No grand purpose. Maybe it's better to just be an atheist. No expectations, no disappointment. No blaming God." Buffy paused. "I'm sorry, you probably don't wanna hear my ramblings."

"It's okay." Tara paused. "When my mother died, there's things...thoughts and reactions I had that...I couldn't...understand...or even try to explain to anyone else. Thoughts that...made me feel like I was losing it...or like I was some kind of ho-horrible person. It's okay to have these thoughts, sweetie. It's perfectly normal."

Buffy stared at Tara for a moment, then kissed her on the lips. Buffy stood up, and so did Tara. Tara put her arm around Buffy, and they left the chapel.