6 = Road Trip

"Sorry! Sorry about that! Come here, girl!"

"Who are you?" Wade demanded, though it was pretty obvious.

"I'm Deadpool. And I guess you're a Deadpool too. But here everyone calls me Nicepool." This Wade had no scarred skin and long, flowing hair. "Oh my goodness, wait until you see Ladypool," he gushed. "She is gorgeous! She just had a baby too and you can't even tell."

"I don't think you're supposed to say that," Wade informed him.

Nicepool lay a hand across his chest. "That's okay, I identify as a feminist."

"Right... Are those gold-plated fifty caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?"

"Of course." Nicepool proudly patted the weapons. "They match my ear-huggie."

"Can I have them?"

Nicepool laughed. "Over my dead body!"

Now Wade looked like he was seriously considering this.

"You're fun! And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins, aka Dogpool. Careful where you put your hand, she's ninety percent g-spot and she'll let you know it! Geez, you let this little flirt out of your sight for one second and she's already shopping for a new Papa."

"If you can't be a responsible pet owner then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn," Wade accused while said 'little unicorn' lavished his face in kisses with her strangely long tongue.

Nicepool placed his hands together in prayer position and bowed. "Guilty on all charges, your Honour. It shan't happen again."

"Why are you so nice?"

"It costs nothing to be kind."

"Thank you!" Nina cried. She was often accused of being 'too nice' (mostly by Wade).

"You're welcome, Nina." Nicepool waved. "Hi, great to see you!"

"'Nina'? Not 'Shorty'?"

"Oh no, that's just rude!"

"You know her?" Wade asked.

"Oh yeah, every Deadpool has a Nina."

As if in response, Dogpool dragged her long tongue across Nina's cheek with a gurgle sound.

She smiled. "Hmm, I like this guy."

"You know, shutting the fuck up is also free," Logan said.

"Caliente..."

"This is Logan. He's usually shirtless but he's let himself go since the divorce."

"Oh..." Now Nicepool eyed their yellow-clad teammate.

"Where's your mask?" Wade demanded.

"He doesn't need one," Nina said.

"Wow, Shorty, that hurts. Fuck you too!"

"No, I just mean that he doesn't feel the need to hide his insecurities behind a mask-"

"Yeah, sure."

She huffed and blew the fringes of her hair out of her eyes in her signature gesture.

Nicepool just grinned and pointed to his face. "Yeah, come on, guys."

"Ugh, this guy," Wade sighed. "We're looking for a group of survivors."

"Oh yeah, they're out there alright. I just hope you don't run into any other Deadpools on your way, cause they're not like me, they're nasty."

"Look, we're heading for the borderlands," Logan cut in. "Can you help us out?"

"Yeah, that's twelve klicks due west - I can lend you my ride if you like."

"That would be great, thank you so much."

"Oh you're so welcome, Nina."

Nicepool led them back the way he and Dogpool had come. The barren landscape soon became a dense cornfield and in the middle was-

"No - no!" Wade decided right away.

"Just get in the car," Logan told him.

"This isn't a car. This is a Honda fucking Odyssey."

"Wade, it's just a car."

"It's not 'just a car', Shorty. God, will you listen to yourselves? It's like I don't even know you!"

"You don't know me," Logan retorted, then ordered, "Just get in the fucking car."

"She'll get you there safe and sound, old Betsy always does," Nicepool said, patting the side of the vehicle affectionately. Then he turned to Wade. "You're gonna have to give me my dog back though."

In response, Wade cradled Dogpool closer. "If you ever want to give her up, or if she needs a new home, or if something should happen to you, I'd love to be her Papa."

Once again, Nicepool laughed at this. "What would ever happen to me?"

"Lots of stuff..."

"Give me that-" Logan stormed forward, arms outstretched for the dog.

"No - we're making a run for it!" Wade turned but couldn't go anywhere thanks to the towering stalks of corn. Logan snatched the dog away and returned her to Nicepool. "The corn was too dense, girl - fuck!"

Nicepool took Dogpool's paw and waved at them with it. "Bye! Good luck!"

Logan got into the driver's seat, slamming the door. Nina turned to the passenger seat. "I call-"

"-Shotgun!" Wade dove in ahead of her. "Ha, you snooze you loose!"

She glowered back, sliding into the back seat.

This was going to be a long trip.

They took turns swapping off, a cycle between the back seat, passenger and driver, which allowed for them to each get some rest - or at least try to.

Nina did eventually get to ride shotgun. Logan drove while Wade passed out in the back.

"Oh my God, silence, music to my years," she sighed, snuggling into her seat.

"How do you put up with him?" Logan asked.

"He's my closest friend," she said by way of answer. "We've been through a lot Wade and I. We - we were romantic for a little while, actually."

Logan gawked back. "You're not fucking serious?"

"Yes," she said, chuckling at his astonishment. "Not going to lie, we had a pretty hot thing going for a while there. But then we both decided we'd had our fun and we should just stay friends, and I'm glad we did. But trust me, he does driving me abso-fucking-lutely crazy sometimes, like right now, but he's always there when you need him."

He just grumbled in response. She felt a change of subject was in order. "I like your suit." Now he just huffed in reply. "We wear black leather, our X-Men. What are your X-Men like." She was really curious what his version of her was like, but could sense that was a sore subject (if the smooch he had laid on her was anything to go by), so she would avoid it for now.

Instead of talking, she played around with the radio. Taylor's Swift's Lover. Queen's Somebody to Love. Elvis's rendition of, Can't Help Falling in Love.

Seriously, read the room, radio.

Only, maybe it was.

She grumbled and turned it off.

They drove in a semi-awkward silence for a while, broken only when there came a loud snort as Wade suddenly shot up in the backseat. "THOR! Are we there yet?"

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed as always! :)