TWENTY-THREE.
The deep cover of clouds above them broke with the approach of moonhigh, blessing the ThunderClan camp with the ethereal pearly light and the glittering of Silverpelt. It was as if the sky was opening up for Lionheart himself, welcoming his spirit into their ranks. A few times, Firepaw tried to look up at the sky and see a new star, but the vastness of the sky made that an impossible task.
The apprentice didn't even know if he fully believed that Silverpelt were completely composed of the spirits of the dead that walked StarClan, but it was a very welcome belief in a time like this.
They had laid Lionheart's body to rest in the middle of camp now. Whitestorm, Graypaw and Goldenflower had congregated in the nursery to check on the kits, making sure there were no wounds or cuts from their time in ShadowClan that needed to be taken care of. Sandpaw stopped to exchange congratulations with Firepaw on ThunderClan's victory, but she was quickly swept into the medicine den to try and do her best to treat the injuries.
It took every bit of the ginger tom to not draw attention to her affinity with herbs when she waved him off and said that she could take care of things alone. He didn't want to sour the mood by pointing out that she was very, very good at the one Clan job she did not want to do.
The elders had come out not too long after. Mousefur told Firepaw that they were actually in charge of a lot of the procedures when a Clan member passed. It was the first time he had seen organization around the treatment of death - he didn't actually know when or where Frostfur or One-eye's bodies had been taken out of camp. But after a brief moment to pay their respects, Smallear began to diligently clean out every one of the warrior's wounds with the others in tow.
The older tom was clearly heartbroken that he had to bury his own son, but there wasn't a moment where his eyes didn't shine with pride for the life he lived. When Whitestorm returned from the nursery, his once-elegant white fur clumped and dirty and stained with blood that matched the red in his eyes, Smallear didn't hesitate to embrace him and tell the warrior that he was proud of him, too.
Everyone was somewhere, talking with someone, getting their injuries treated or assisting in the proceedings before Lionheart's memorial. But Firepaw quickly noticed that Bluestar was nowhere to be found. He didn't think he had seen her leave camp, so while he watched Whitestorm and the elders continue to diligently lick the deputy's fur clean, he asked Mousefur.
"Well…ThunderClan needs a new deputy. And it needs to be before moonhigh according to the Code."
Firepaw was outraged at first. They were still preparing Lionheart's body to be buried and StarClan expected them to pick his replacement now? Surely it was too quick for Bluestar to pick her possible successor. The brown-furred molly picked up on his thinking and scoffed. "I know. It's ridiculous. Luckily, I don't think it will be a particularly difficult decision this time."
"Why's that?"
Mousefur shrugged. "I mean, isn't it obvious? You pick the tom that was in charge of the battle patrol."
All of a sudden, the very specific fear that had been growing in the back of his mind lunged out from hiding and flooded his very body. Blinded by the heat of battle, Firepaw had almost completely forgotten that Tigerclaw had practically taken Lionheart's duties and planned the attack on ShadowClan. He looked towards the warriors' den, nodding idly and picking at a few blades of grass while Darkstripe and Longtail chatted excitedly. They knew that out of every warrior in ThunderClan, there was no candidate who could make a case that would live up to Tigerclaw.
He looked deep into the tabby's amber eyes. For at least a little bit, the apprentice had been convinced Tigerclaw meant every single word he said and every single action he took against ShadowClan. There was not a moment where he gave away any sign of disloyalty to the Clan. Was it all an act? A perfectly timed and perfectly executed political gambit that conveniently accompanied Lionheart's death? Or did Tigerclaw, for once, fight not in his own name but in the name of ThunderClan?
Clearly his companions thought that he was all but assured to get the title. Tigerclaw, even when he noticed and returned Firepaw's stare, kept his muzzle relaxed and face emotionless. Maybe it was because he found it unclassy to flaunt so quickly after Lionheart's death or maybe it was because he had already lost a bid to be deputy once and he didn't want to take any risks that could screw up the best chance he would ever get.
Firepaw scoffed in disgust. Even when he had been so sure that he had won, that everything was finally over…
Mousefur seemed surprised. "You don't think Tigerclaw should be deputy?"
Firepaw considered the warrior a friend, but he only considered telling her what Ravenpaw had said about him for a moment before shaking his head. The only consequence of unleashing that rumor in tandem with Tigerclaw being such an obvious choice would damn his own reputation exponentially more. "It's complicated" was all he ended up saying.
In the center of the clearing, Whitestorm and the elders stepped back Lionheart's body. The deputy looked far from well-groomed, but much of the blood around his most unsightly gashes had been cleaned off and many of the clumps of his fur had been groomed smooth. Firepaw looked up as the senior warrior approached him and Mousefur, clearly apathetic as to how much of a wreck he looked.
"How are the kits?" said Mousefur quietly.
Whitestorm looked down and shrugged. "Well…it's just as hard for them. But…he's a hero to them. N-No doubt." His voice was raspy and shaky, and he paused to try and keep a sob from breaking through.
"I'm glad," said Mousefur solemnly, "I'll, uh…If you like, I can go check on Goldenflower before the memorial and see how they're doing- AH!" The she-cat yelped as Whitestorm suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace. Clearly, she did not like being hugged, but she did her best to settle down and put up with the contact.
" Graypaw told me how you got them out of there…You saved their lives, Mousefur. I owe you my life- "
The she-cat looked strangely passive. "Well, I mean…it wasn't all me. And I did kinda bolt on Firepaw and Graypaw without warning and were kinda the reason why they got taken hostage. Sorry about that, by the way." Firepaw just shrugged in response. "But…I mean, even if there wasn't a plan, it's what any one of us would have done."
"And it was you. So thank you."
The fur raised along Mousefur's spine began to settle and she gave a small smile. Whitestorm gave her a brief lick on the forehead in thanks before he turned to Firepaw.
"So normally we…use lavender and rosemary for a dead body, but we never got a chance to restock before-..." He paused again, "Anyways, I wanted to do something nice and…maybe pick out some flowers around the territory and I was wondering if you wanted to come with?"
Firepaw blinked in surprise. "Me? What about Graypaw? I mean, he was his apprentice…"
"Yes, but he…" He followed Whitestorm's glance back to the nursery, where he was talking with Goldenflower and the kits. Even from a distance did the apprentice look completely exhausted. "Well, he specifically asked if he could look after the kits, but…I think he needs a reason to smile more than anyone."
Firepaw smiled when he saw Graypaw puff up his lips and talk in a silly voice to Ashkit and Fernkit, who were trying to not smile and failing badly. But beyond that could he see the hollowness in his eyes and slump in his shoulders, and man, did he want to just bury the apprentice in so many cuddles and tell him that everything would be okay. But if Whitestorm said that he needed space, he wasn't going to go against the recommendation of Lionheart's former mate.
"Okay," nodded the ginger tom, "Are there any specific flowers we're looking for?"
"A few," said Whitestorm, "But if you see something that would look nice, you can certainly grab it."
For a night in greenleaf, it was unexpectedly chilly. Firepaw shifted around in that uncomfortable climate that was cold enough to make his skin prickle up beneath his fur but not enough to where he could fluff out his pelt and not overheat. But once Whitestorm pointed out the first flower he was looking for, he started to relax.
Flowers were almost exclusively for medicine - Firepaw could even recognize a couple of herbs that Yellowfang had taught him as they walked - but not only could there be exceptions made for them to be used outside of treatment (the exception being ThunderClan not having a medicine cat to enforce it), but there were certain flowers that were so seldomly used in treatment that it was more common to see them for symbolic or romantic rituals than medicine.
Whitestorm's first flower came in one of the clearings near WindClan, where he pointed out a bushel of pink flowers with lighter petals. "These are called bright-eyes. They're the most well-known non-medicine flowers because they're meant to be mixed in cough ailments, but everyone just uses something else - I think it's some berry? But they only grow around here during greenleaf…gorgeous, aren't they?" Obviously, Firepaw's main focus was what Whitestorm wanted, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't thinking about something he could grab for himself.
They circled around the WindClan border and looped back into the center of the territory, where Whitestorm paid a close eye to each yellow flower they passed until he settled on a four-petaled flower with a short stem called celandine. "I remember Spottedleaf telling me about this flower when One-eye started losing her eyesight," the warrior said with a soft smile, "She was being really prickly about it, so she ended up saying that the flower was part of some ritual medicine cats took to see the spirits of StarClan. That sold her real quick."
Firepaw chuckled. He could practically see the irritated look on the medicine cat's face as she completely improvised that fib on the spot, perhaps with a wink to the others to show that she was kidding. "I bet Halftail enjoyed that the most."
"Oh, he definitely did. In fact, Spottedleaf actually had to barge in and stop him from telling the same story to Ravenpaw and Dustpaw when they were kits!" They both laughed at that. Seeing Whitestorm brighten up for even just a moment warmed Firepaw's heart, but as they fell back into silence to gather a few of the flowers he couldn't help but feel two distinct aches in his chest.
He knew that Ravenpaw was alive. And in more ways than one, Spottedleaf had never really left him behind. But beyond this walk to gather flowers lay a very uncertain future for him and for ThunderClan. He had a lot of cats still here to support him now, but that could never properly cure the pain of losing two of his closest friends so abruptly and quickly.
Whitestorm looked especially somber as well. Both he and Firepaw were the only witnesses to Spottedleaf's death, them bringing the news of her death being the only part of her they got to grieve. The tortoiseshell probably had a hundred things on her mind more important than getting a proper burial, but he did wish that they could have given her a proper send-off.
There were a lot of flowers that grew by the river, so they walked back towards RiverClan next. Firepaw pointed out a few purple flowers for Whitestorm's consideration, but mallow was too important of an herb and saffron was apparently poisonous. Eventually, the white warrior settled for a couple bundles of purple flowers that looked like rosemary but somehow smelled like fish.
Whitestorm didn't seem completely satisfied with his collection - either that or he didn't want to go rushing back to his deceased mate - but he glanced up at the moon and sighed in resignation. "We should head back. Bluestar's going to announce the next deputy soon."
The mention of deputy didn't call back the usual panic Firepaw got at the mention of Tigerclaw. Instead, he was swamped by a bitter feeling of defeat. It was dumb, feeling like he lost a fight that he never actually fought in, but the thought of a cat like Lionheart - someone so well regarded that Brokenstar had high praise for him - being succeeded by him…
He didn't know if he unknowingly let out a sigh or if his shoulders slumped just enough, but Whitestorm noticed his sour mood quickly. "You alright?"
"Yeah, just…I'm thinking of Ravenpaw…and a lot of other things, but…"
They came to a stop in a clearing not too far from camp. Firepaw thought Whitestorm had found a flower to grab at first, but his eyes were down at his paws.
"Did he…tell you? Before he died?"
Whitestorm made some mixture of a scoff and a chuckle. "He told me everything, Firepaw. Of course he did."
"So…"
"Look…" Clearly the white warrior didn't want to think about this. "Tigerclaw is very, very complicated. And the tom that tutored him…well, I wish that he died years earlier. We were apprentices together and…well, we were friends for a long time. But back then? He was that friend that I desperately needed. For a while, he was the only cat in the forest I had by my side."
"He was your friend?"
"My point is, Firepaw, that the Tigerclaw you know is a small portion of the Tigerclaw I know." Whitestorm sounded genuinely pissed, which put the apprentice on edge. "And I understand that you do not like him and I'm not saying you need to. And I also know that you told Lionheart because you genuinely do believe it happened, but…if you were only there to see him stick with me at my lowest…you would know that he is not a murderer."
"Whitestorm, I swear I'm telling the-"
"Don't," hissed Whitestorm, the emotions of losing his mate swelling back to grip him once more, "Because do you know how much guilt he felt when he was chosen as deputy after Redtail died? For seasons he felt unworthy, hating himself because he was taking a place that should have never been open. And then you go and tell him that the only reason he became deputy in this lifetime was because of someone in our own Clan? Do you see why I just cannot believe that? I can't!"
Any other day Firepaw would have dug his claws in and fought back. But neither of them wanted to fight, not on a night like this. "I'm sorry…" murmured Firepaw quietly.
"Me too…" Whitestorm sniffed, looking up at the sky to try and blink back tears, "I just miss him. I miss him so, so much."
Firepaw followed his gaze up into the sky, where the clouds had been swept away by the winds and the stars glittered in the sky, accompanying the moon reaching the peak of its cycle. "Do you think he's up there? Watching over us?"
"Oh, probably not," shrugged Whitestorm, "There are a lot of cats up there that he would want to catch up with first. He's got a lot more things he can do up there than worry about his sad little mate down here." He chuckled. "At least, he better not be watching over me right now."
Firepaw leaned down to pick up his flowers and began to follow the older warrior back towards camp when he suddenly froze, eyes honed in on something near the edge of the clearing. "What? What is it?" asked the apprentice as Whitestorm dropped his flowers to inspect the trunk of the tree. When he heard a gasp, Firepaw immediately let his bundle fall to the ground and rushed over.
The warrior looked completely awestruck as he stared at a small bundle of long-stemmed flowers. The petals were a deep, vibrant blue - a shade darker than anything Firepaw had ever seen before - with a white throat and yellow center. "What is this?"
"Bindweed…it's used for broken bones, to bind sticks together but…well, it's so rare that barely anyone uses it."
Whitestorm was crying again, but when Firepaw looked up he saw his paw covering a massive smile. " This is the flower he gave me when he said he loved me. "
He wanted to laugh. Was it appropriate to laugh? Because of course this was here. Of course Lionheart or Spottedleaf or someone up there had something to do with this. It had to be Lionheart, right? Because he was perhaps the only cat in any and every world that could make Whitestorm smile like this. For once, Firepaw looked up to the stars and grinned - who knew that the same spirits in charge of creating ominous prophecies and making themselves the brightest guiding light through the darkest of times had, every once in a long while, a sense of humor?
As Whitestorm wiped his face clean and murmured how he was going to kill Lionheart when he saw him next under his breath, Firepaw looked down at the flower. He wasn't really one who saw the beauty in things like flowers, not like his companion. But something about what he had said stuck with him…
Hm…
There were six bindweed flowers in the cluster. When Firepaw proposed his plan to Whitestorm, he was just fine with using only five.
"All cats old enough to catch their own prey, gather underneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting."
The call was just a formality - everyone was already mingling in the clearing when Bluestar took her position on the Highrock at moonhigh. While everyone gathered nearby, Whitestorm stayed hunched over his mate's body, hard at work in carefully inserting the stems of each and every flower they picked to cover up the open scars across his body. Sandpaw, who only had her mentor to treat before she had touched up on every warrior, had come out to call for him but instead stuck around to help hold some flowers in place and cut off the ends of some stems with her fangs.
No one seemed to mind. Even though the outcome of the meeting was going to be dreadful, Firepaw took comfort in just having Graypaw, who was still depressed but much better than before, standing by his side again. Though he definitely didn't miss the feeling of being nervous around him again.
Bluestar didn't waste any time - with moonhigh coming so inconveniently soon, she had to go right into deciding who was to be the next deputy before even getting to have a moment to properly grieve the current one. "Cats of ThunderClan, tonight is a night for great mourning, but also that of hope for the future. With our united efforts combined with the favor of StarClan, we exonerated the most ruthless leader the forest has ever seen and saved not only our own Clan, but the future of every Clan in the forest."
There was no loud cheer, but a much more muted rumbling of satisfaction. They had won. They had saved their own Clan. But with all of the blood shed and the lives lost on the way, it was difficult to tell if the victory was worth it. Not even Bluestar seemed certain of that.
"We are called upon by StarClan to perform one of our sacred duties. At the time of moonhigh we are to select our next deputy. I have mulled over this decision thoroughly and with as much discretion as I can give…and though the time I had at my disposal was short, I believe that among us, there is one warrior who has gone above and beyond to take initiative and help lead us through our darkest hour. We are all aware that the legacy that Lionheart leaves behind is an intimidating one to follow…but I also believe that all of us agree that he will rise to the occasion. Just as he helped all of ThunderClan rise to the fight and help us conquer our darkest hour."
He couldn't look.
Firepaw looked down and away and anywhere but the Highrock as Bluestar asked Tigerclaw to step forward. He couldn't look as the tabby tom ascended up the rock and confidently said "I do" to all of the oaths of a deputy. He couldn't look even when Bluestar called out to him and to everyone "Cats of ThunderClan, I present to you our newest deputy, Tigerclaw!" Not when everyone was chanting his name together, speaking into existence the name of the deputy that was supposed to lead them into the future.
There was nothing he could do to stop the abject terror and disgust he felt for being here, being a witness to this happening. Because he knew. He knew the truth. He knew the truth about the tabby tom and how dangerous he was. He knew that he had slaughtered Redtail. He knew that he had killed Oakheart. He knew that he had threatened his apprentice into silence. He knew that he abused that same apprentice so harshly every single day that it pushed him to the brink of death. And he knew, deep inside of him, that there couldn't possibly be any part of the rousing speeches to incite a lust for revenge among ThunderClan or the venom that he spat ShadowClan's name with that was actually real. Because he knew that the only thing that was real about any of this was that he had been patiently waiting for an opportunity like this to finally come.
And Firepaw knew that Tigerclaw knew as well. Because the chanting of his name faded out and he was left alone, standing in front of his leader and before his Clanmates, Firepaw looked up and saw Tigerclaw. His newest deputy. Looking right at him with a smile.
Tigerclaw was deputy now. Who in their right mind would believe Firepaw saying their new deputy was a murderer and a traitor?
" This is my promise…you don't tell lies about me…and I won't tell the truth about you. "
"Thank you, my friends," said Tigerclaw with a dip of his head. His eyes swept across the congregation of ThunderClan cats, allowing Firepaw to breathe and panic freely, "I am truly humbled to be selected as your deputy. It's a kithood dream come true. I completely understand the weight of the expectations I am inheriting, especially in being the successor to…well, not just a role model warrior or a role model deputy, but one of the greatest warriors that has ever fought for ThunderClan…"
It was true. He was right. But the fact that it was Tigerclaw made Firepaw believe that he was lying through his teeth.
"...and I want to assure you that the tom that you'll have as your deputy is the same tom you've seen in our fight against Brokenstar and ShadowClan. You can expect confidence, conviction and a desire to protect ThunderClan and help us thrive that is more powerful than ever in the wake of ShadowClan's collapse. We were thrust into the darkest times any of us have ever seen and we lived. We kept ThunderClan alive. We kept this forest alive."
This was horrible. Firepaw hated this. He was going to be sick.
"And now I believe that the sky's the limit for ThunderClan. No longer will we be the Clan that is pitied at Gatherings for rough leaf-bares. Lionheart gave his dying breath to bring his kits back to their home here in ThunderClan and we shall honor that sacrifice by making them the strongest warriors the forest has ever seen!"
They were smiling. And cheering.
"Cats of ThunderClan, I promise you this and nothing less…as deputy, I will work with Bluestar to make sure ThunderClan is the best it has ever been and ever will be. Tonight is a solemn night where we remember those who got us here, to the other side of this darkness. And we shall repay them tenfold… by making tomorrow the beginning of our golden age. "
The way his Clanmates yowled their approval was so abrasive that it felt like shattering a sacred peace. In the first few minutes of his tenure as deputy, the tabby had given them something that they could truly believe in.
It was true that Tigerclaw was one of the most proficient fighters in the forest. But when he was standing in front of his Clanmates on that rock with nothing but his voice? He was invincible.
Firepaw didn't meet his deputy's eyes as he descended from the Highrock to take his seat next to his two adoring fans in Darkstripe and Longtail. He didn't need another cocky smirk to tell him that the tabby had already won.
All of a sudden, he wanted nothing more than the night to end.
Bluestar watched him descend from the Highrock with a rather irritated look. Not even that could bring a sense of comfort or amusement to the apprentice - she needed to be afraid , not annoyed at being unnecessarily upstaged. When the tabby returned to his spot with a regal strut, Firepaw saw the smallest of smiles flash on her muzzle. In her mind and in everyone else's mind, she had made the right choice. She was surely thinking that maybe the transitional period between deputies wasn't going to be as bad as she thought. No, Firepaw was thinking hopelessly, It's going to be worse than you can possibly imagine.
He didn't know how Tigerclaw was going to try and seize control, but he knew that it would happen. And if that happened, then he would be one of the first victims fully at the mercy of his wrath.
"Unfortunately…that is not the only position for which we must appoint a replacement."
Silence rushed over the crowd. Firepaw looked at Graypaw in confusion before it hit him.
Spottedleaf. ThunderClan still needed a medicine cat. But there was no timeframe for appointing a medicine cat under these conditions. So surely the only reason why Bluestar was making this kind of announcement now must be because…
On cue with the Clan, everyone's eyes turned to the medicine den and fell on Sandpaw. Murmurs of surprise came from around the ginger tom, whispering how they didn't know that she knew anything about herbs or how they didn't think she would volunteer to take the position. But Firepaw could see how her stoic gaze wavered and shook, how her fangs were digging into the inside of her mouth and how her eyes swirled with the same recklessness they had in battle. He knew right away that this wasn't her choice. This was not what she wanted.
And now she had to watch as her chances at becoming the strongest warrior and future leader of ThunderClan were destroyed forever.
" Did you know anything about this? " whispered Graypaw. He also knew Sandpaw's ambitious dreams very well. She had told all of the apprentices how much she wanted it. Wanted nothing more.
" No, " said Firepaw, " But I don't think this was up to her. " Two moons ago, he would have relished in the schadenfreude as an apprentice he only knew as one of Graypaw's bullies was basically imprisoned to a duty she hated. But they were friends now. His heart ached with how such a massive duty with access to all of the ancestors was granted to perhaps the cat that wanted it the least.
"Spottedleaf…we never had time to properly grieve her loss, did we?" said Bluestar, quieting the rumors spreading around the warriors, "It goes unsaid that like Lionheart, she filled the role of being our medicine cat in a way that ThunderClan will appreciate for seasons to come…but I know that despite us grieving the hole she leaves behind for moons to come, she would not want ThunderClan to move forward in any future without a medicine cat."
Firepaw wondered if Spottedleaf had known about this before she died. Or if she had died, come down to Sandpaw in a dream and start to prepare her. He couldn't tell - with the tortoiseshell up in StarClan, perhaps the only residence she could have that wasn't among the ancestors was in his own brain. Hopefully she could talk to her, inspire something inside of her like she had with him - help the light tan she-cat see purpose in what would come to be the most powerful position in all of ThunderClan.
He tried to lean over and catch her eye, send her a smile or something saying that he was here to help her get through this. He did eventually, but the only look he received was a cold and ruthless glare. Not one she had carried over from Bluestar - one meant just for him. The ginger tom flinched and glanced around uncomfortably. What had he possibly done that could have made her this mad now?
"In the day following Brokenstar's invasion of camp, we were left with the loss of a queen, the capture of our six beloved kits and the absence of a medicine cat," said Bluestar, "But StarClan allowed her to come down and appear in a vision to Sandpaw and Firepaw, giving them instructions on what to do to heal our wounds and get back to full health. Had we not had time to recover fully, we surely would not have fought as strongly as we needed to take him down."
The vision.
Firepaw felt his stomach drop. It had just been a hasty excuse, something to get Bluestar off of their backs so they didn't give away Yellowfang.
And it wasn't just because she had gone to help patch up wounds again tonight. It had been because Bluestar was convinced this was what StarClan wanted. Because he told her about a vision that did not exist.
Sandpaw was glaring at him because she had just lost her future at being a warrior and it was all his fault.
What was going to happen now? What was he supposed to do, tell Bluestar that it was a lie? Question StarClan's authority on such a day where everyone was praising them for their blessings of victory? And even if he did, would that even convince Bluestar that she couldn't be a medicine cat? It was just like Tigerclaw - Bluestar was convinced that there was only ever one option when the option shouldn't be an option at all.
"She'll be consulting Runningnose, ShadowClan's medicine cat who agreed to not follow Brokenstar and help heal the Clan, for advice on herbs and practical knowledge while she begins her journey to connect with our ancestors." Bluestar nodded. She looked relieved, having the medicine cat problem solved so soon. "Sandpaw, ThunderClan will forever be in debt for you following this path of service. And even though this will surely be a difficult journey alone, we will walk with you-"
" Have you lost your mind!? "
The voice of a she-cat came from far up above, and for a moment Firepaw thought that it was Spottedleaf. But instead, perched on the ledge of the walls of camp was Yellowfang, her black fur beaten and dirtied and yet doing nothing to mask the familiar burn in her eyes.
The Clan broke out into chaos. Furious shouts, shrieks of fear and threats of death yowled right at the medicine cat. As FIrepaw glanced around, he realized just how many cats still knew her as a traitor and a kit-killer, the very reason why ThunderClan had almost fallen apart. She had to have known that. Why in the world had she come back?
She didn't even look concerned. Instead, her eyes drifted down at Sandpaw, who was turned away from him now. Perhaps she was saying something with her eyes, a beg to try and convince Bluestar to not let her be a medicine cat. There was a loud screech of fury behind him. Firepaw was suddenly rammed off into Graypaw's side as the queen Speckletail charged from the nursery and didn't stop until she was right in front of the crowd. " YOU TRAITOR! YOU BASTARD! " he heard the molly curse amidst the caterwauling, " HOW DARE YOU COME BACK! HOW DARE YOU! "
It was slowly starting to get to Yellowfang. Her face was growing tense and she was clearly trying to keep her eyes steely and without emotion, but there was nothing that she could say, nothing that anyone could have let her say that would convince them that she was innocent. It wasn't until Bluestar had enough of the conflict and raised her tail to restore order. " Quiet! " she shouted, trying and failing to catch Tigerclaw's eye as he flexed his claws and prepared to scale the wall himself.
A tense hush looked poised to burst at any moment fell over ThunderClan. Stepping down from the rock and in front of her warriors, Bluestar glared right at her former medicine cat. " Why are you here? Why did you come back? "
"Well, who wouldn't? " she shot back, " Honestly, if anyone of the other medicine cats knew that you were putting an untrained apprentice in Spottedleaf's place, they'd be storming into camp to strangle sense into ya- "
" ENOUGH! " Bluestar didn't shout a lot, and the two other cats Firepaw had seen her shout at was Brokenstar and himself. " You know well what you've done. So tell us why you've come back before we rip you apart into an unrecognizable corpse. "
Yellowfang shrugged. "You think I'm happy to be here? I was on my way out of this damn forest. And I would have happily forgotten that the lot of you existed if StarClan themselves ordered me to return here."
The shouting started up again, incredulous and shocked at first before quickly devolving into disbelieving anger. " LIAR! " cried out Speckletail, " HOW DARE YOU SPIT ON STARCLAN'S NAME LIKE THAT! " Bluestar's back was turned to the rest of the warriors, but the way her hackles stayed sharp and her body looked ready to attack told the ginger apprentice that she was not swayed by her reasoning.
She turned to Tigerclaw, who was practically begging her through his posture alone to give the gesture for the Clan to attack and finally be rid of someone everyone else considered to be one of the savants of the darkness that nearly swallowed them whole. But just as Bluestar was moving forward to listen to her new deputy over the protests, Whitestorm began to slowly move forward, his white pelt still stained with Lionheart's blood and clumped in dirt.
Head bowed, he moved between Speckletail and Tigerclaw and stopped inches before the ledge.
"Move aside, Whitestorm," snapped Tigerclaw.
The tabby's old friend slowly shook his head. "I'm afraid I cannot do that."
ThunderClan gasped. " He's losing his mind! " whispered a warrior Firepaw couldn't pick out. Quickly, the ginger tom began to sneak around the edge of the gathering of warriors, trying to catch the senior warrior's eyes and understand what he was doing. Did he not see that they were a direct order away from killing her? Had he forgotten so soon what reputation she had with everyone that didn't know?
"Whitestorm, what in the name of StarClan are you talking about?" said Bluestar.
He didn't respond at first, waiting with eyes closed until silence filled the camp once more. "I was with all of you and would be today. But…the day before the battle, I learned what had really happened and…"
StarClan, did he look ashamed. If Firepaw hadn't known, then he would have been convinced he was to confess to a crime. "I stand before StarClan…and I swear on my own honor… and over the body of my mate…that Yellowfang was not responsible for taking my kits. "
There was no outbreak in shouting. Everyone looked at the blood spilled on Whitestorm's once-majestic white and fluffy fur, collectively convinced that his sanity had died with Lionheart. " No…Whitestorm, you…how could you say that!? " cried Speckletail, "How could you- "
"Please, I-" stammered Whitestorm to stop her. Firepaw looked up at Yellowfang and even she looked stunned that the senior warrior was standing up for her. "I know that we had no reason to trust her back when she was among us, and I was with all of you. I believed Brokenstar when he said that Yellowfang was a kit-killer, but…if she was behind ShadowClan taking our kits, then why would she seek out their father and his mate with a plan to get them back safely?"
" What are you talking about? " Bluestar snapped.
"She could have ran. She should have ran. But she gave us information on ShadowClan's camp, details we never would have known otherwise." Whitestorm was clearly growing desperate. "If she had never told us that the walls were weak and could be broken through, then how else were we able to get the kits out of there unharmed? How else would we have found out before it was too late?"
He stepped towards his leader. " Why do you think Lionheart convinced you to lead the patrol into ShadowClan without Mousefur? And why else would Firepaw and Graypaw be caught in ShadowClan camp? "
Firepaw didn't even need to turn around to know eyes were on him and Graypaw, who had rushed to his side. Out of the crowd, Mousefur suddenly walked in front of all of her warriors and stood right alongside Whitestorm. "Is this true, Mousefur?" said the leader with a razor-sharp edge in her voice.
"Yes, Bluestar, it is." Mousefur dipped her head. "The reason why I did not want to accept any good graces for getting the kits home was because it was not my own plan. I never would have been able to do it without Yellowfang."
Then she gestured to Firepaw and Graypaw. "Or either of them."
Firepaw felt a jolt in his chest. He glanced at Graypaw. And when his beloved slowly got to his paws to stand by Whitestorm, Firepaw did the same. Not once did he look up at his mentor - he didn't want to see her disappointed in him again.
"Whitestorm, I…" Bluestar spoke slowly, voice quiet and uncertain. "I honestly don't know what to say."
" If you had kits…you would have done the same. "
Whitestorm said it so quietly that he wasn't even sure if the rest of the Clan heard it. But Bluestar heard it. When the ginger tom slowly glanced up, she looked moved. Perhaps it was something Lionheart had told her, something worked into the conversations about whether or not they should move forward with keeping Yellowfang in camp.
"I understand that ThunderClan will never fully trust me," said Yellowfang from above, catching the leader's stare, "But StarClan still do. They sent me back here for a reason, after all."
" And did they tell you to 'come up with this plan,' too ?" growled Tigerclaw bitterly.
"No. I made the decision on my own."
Bluestar looked tortured, standing between her Clanmates and a medicine cat she had spent moons trying to convince was innocent and then suddenly being proven wrong. In her silence did the black she-cat continue. "I will work in ThunderClan without protest, and as long as I am able to eat and make dirt freely I will work through any restrictions you impose upon me. I'll even mentor the apprentice you're about to put forward."
She paused. "And to show you that I am honest about my intentions both now and in the future…I have an offering for a truce."
She trailed off and slowly disappeared from the ledge. Seconds passed, nearly minutes. But when she returned, she set down what was in her teeth to rest on the edge of camp so that all could see.
It was Spottedleaf's body. The pelt was groomed fully dressed with leaves and pods of lavender and rosemary. She had been dead for days, yet there was not a single stench of death leaving her. Yellowfang looked aggrieved as she looked down at the body. "I spent days trying to search for her body…and those bastards had thrown her into carrionplace like she was trash. I knew that she deserved a proper burial…and I had planned to leave her body for you to find before I left because…she deserves to be buried with all of you."
Firepaw had stepped back to see it, to see her . Seeing her tortoiseshell pelt again, stuffed with small purple flowers…it looked like a hollow body without her soul as a host, but it was undeniably her. And knowing that she would finally get a proper place to rest away from the claws of her killer, on the territory she dedicated her life and afterlife to serving…
Bluestar glanced at the warriors next to her. Tigerclaw hadn't wavered in his glare of deep distrust towards the medicine cat. Speckletail didn't look ready to be welcoming either, but there was a conflict in her gaze - perhaps she was asking for Frostfur, her denmate and one of her closest friends, to come to her and tell her if it was true. When she looked back to the front, she would see her apprentice looking deeply moved by the sight of her body and one of the only cats in the forest she knew she would die for looking back at her. They spoke without a word, Whitestorm's nod finally letting her walls start to come down.
"Bring her down," she said to the medicine cat, "It's time we begin the memorial."
Everyone moved at once and in silence. The tone did not feel as unified as it did watching Lionheart pass or listening to Tigerclaw's speech. But the feeling of disruption had been rippling through everyone for a while, hadn't it? Ever since he came here, Firepaw's life had been moving forward with his training. And then it tumbled around and around and took the lives of Spottedleaf and Ravenpaw with him. He was immune to the violent shockwaves of WindClan being forced out or ShadowClan nearly succeeding in taking over the forest that only devout ThunderClan cats with ThunderClan blood would understand, but in turn he was so ready to be shaken to bits again.
The idea of peace felt like a lie. Standing before the bodies of two of the most powerful cats in ThunderClan felt like a message from StarClan to their chosen one. You could fight like a lion and walk with the ancestors themselves and death would treat you just as equally as the thousands of warriors whose names had been lost to time. And he, the chosen one in a divine prophecy, was no different than they were.
Yellowfang ducked into camp with Spottedleaf's body balanced on her shoulders and back. Bluestar stepped forward to gently lay it on the ground, next to where Lionheart rested.
The deputy, who had died covered in blood and violence, looked as peaceful as his final moments were. His fur would never be clean of all of the blood, but he had that regal golden hue shining forth still. And from his wounds came bushels of diligently placed flowers. Tucked right into where his chest had been ripped open, closest to his heart, were the five blue bindweed flowers resting amidst a bed of white chamomile he'd probably grabbed from the medicine den. Lionheart did not look like a victim of war. Instead, he looked like a part of nature itself.
Next to him lay Spottedleaf, whose gorgeous spotted fur of black and ginger and white were diligently combed over. It had probably taken days of cleaning and washing to get the putrid scent of carrionplace out of her fur, but Yellowfang had not only washed it clean but delicately wove stems of rosemary and lavender around the lines where the colors of her fur met. Once she was arranged how Bluestar liked, the black she-cat grabbed a pouch of dock leaves she had set by the entrance and carefully unwrapped it, revealing what almost looked to be a crown of flowers and herbs. With a gentle paw, she tucked in the sides behind her ears until it was firm in its resting place.
Perhaps it was a medicine cat ritual. Or maybe it was Yellowfang's way of saying thank you to the she-cat that helped save her life.
Wen the bodies were ready, they stood together in silence. Firepaw looked down at the two bodies, their deadly wounds filled with the scent and bloom of the earth they were about to return to. The chosen one's life was never going to be still - events just from this night after the battle were surely going to stay with him for seasons. But for once, even his fears and worries stepped away to respect the sacred quiet. When Firepaw closed his eyes, his mind was clear.
"Cats of ThunderClan…" Bluestar's voice was quieter now, less like a leader and more like the warriors she led, "We gather here tonight to honor the lives of those we have lost in the battle with Brokenstar. All of ThunderClan is composed of lives that are precious and full of vibrance, and when it is time for them to make the journey to StarClan we honor them together. And we make the promise to pass along their memories so they walk among StarClan to protect us…and welcome us in when we go up to join them.
Tonight, we honor the five souls that gave up their lives for ThunderClan. One-eye, Frostfur, Ravenpaw, Spottedleaf and Lionheart. Two are dressed before us, two have already been buried and one…we pray that his body has found a proper place to rest. We pray to StarClan that they help lift them to their home in the stars; that their souls may shine brightly from Silverpelt to bring light to this night and many more, as they brought light to our lives while they were with us."
There was a long pause, letting the others recite their own prayers to StarClan for the smooth passage. "If you have anything to share about these cats…memories…you may share them now."
There were obviously plenty to go around, but no one was eager to be the first one. After a few minutes of silence, Halftail cleared his throat. "Did y'all know that One-eye nearly started a war with RiverClan on her first Gatherin'?"
Everyone looked up towards the elders with surprise. Smallear was rolling his eyes and Dappletail was shaking her head with a quiet chuckle. "'s true! She was feisty back when we were young…ancient times, ah know…but RiverClan were actin' all tough like they do. Y'know, showin' their fangs and bein' all 'excited to see y'all at the border' with they threats…well, One-eye - she was Whitepaw back then - was havin' none of it. She was spittin' and cursin' them out, given' 'em exactly what they were askin' for…then someone says somethin' about Smallear. Something 'bout his ears and they was talkin' super slow and-"
"Cuz that's the important part of the story…" murmured Smallear.
" I'm gettin' to it! Well, when Pinestar is speakin, one of the RiverClan toms is like ' he can't hear you, can you speak up!' And then WHACK! Whitepaw's claws out and just goin' BAM! BAM! BAM!" Halftail was jerking his foreleg up and down as aggressively as he could to illustrate, getting a chuckle from the warriors. "And he's cryin' and his friends were tryna fight too and she was just all BAM! BAM! So all the warriors are comin' in and breakin it up and there's spittin' and hissin'...and ya know StarClan's about ta send our sorry tails home…and then WindClan's leader…man, what was his name? I dunno…Windclan's leader goes 'I'm disappointed in you, Tinypaw…' - yes, that was his name! - and when One-eye hears that she laughs and goes ' Ya must be the first cat ever to get named after his dick! '"
Everyone in the circle burst out in laughter, Firepaw wheezing so unexpectedly hard that he almost started coughing. He was confident that the joke would not have been half as funny if it had come from anyone else, but the way that Bluestar cackled and Whitestorm grinned and Tigerclaw bowed his head to hide a few chuckles of his own probably said more about how much everyone needed to hear a good joke. It was strange, the chorus of everyone in the Clan raised in laughing and giggling - especially when there were corpses in front of them. Halftail was looking around at his Clanmates with a smile. Anyone who didn't know him probably couldn't have guessed that One-eye's own mate would be the one to make that joke.
The memorial continued with that same lighter tone. Everyone chimed in with light-hearted anecdotes of all sorts; Whitestorm chimed in with the same story he told Firepaw about the herbs being a ritual to talk with StarClan. Bluestar recalled one of her and Spottedleaf's first arguments, where the latter had gotten so frustrated that she declared "or StarClan strike me down! " followed immediately by one of the loudest cracks of lightning they had ever heard. Brindleface talked about how Lionheart had tried to impress Frostfur as a young warrior by climbing up the Great Sycamore, only to get scared and call for help before he was even halfway. It was fun, seeing everyone laughing and smiling and having fun. There wasn't a pressure to talk about the dead in a quiet and reserved manner - just honest recounting of memories big and small.
Eventually, the tone grew more and more sentimental. The smiles grew sad as Bluestar talked about seeing Spottedleaf have to carry ThunderClan on her back through a greencough epidemic, how she somehow found it in her to fight even when the infection got to her . Willowpelt talked about how after her parents died, she ran away from camp without warning; Lionheart and Frostfur not only found her, but stayed with her for the whole day after to let her talk it out and get better. Whitestorm said that Frostfur was the first cat to find out that he was gay completely on accident, but even back then and when their relationship "got a bit messy near the end," she continuously told him that she always supported him through his very messy journey.
Eventually there came a natural break where everyone stopped having things to say. Firepaw felt the solemn air return as cats fell back into the silence. But he could tell that there were still some memories worth bringing up again.
"Ravenpaw saved my life…"
Firepaw jumped - the voice had come from Dustpaw, who he had completely forgotten about. And given his disposition, he looked like he didn't really want to be perceived anyway - his fur was ungroomed, his posture was slumped and he didn't look up to meet anyone's eyes as they turned to him. "When mom and dad died…he was, like, really checking in on me. He would always do that, just go up to me and ask me how I was doing. I thought he was being a prick at first but…after ShadowClan invaded and my shoulder got infected…pretty sure it was supposed to kill me. I know it made me wish it would, but…I think I got through it because I thought of him. I thought of his…voice and his smile when he would tell me good morning when we were kits. There's just…it was like he wanted to be my brother. And I just…"
He sniffled and his voice shook. " I never told him…Because I didn't know how much I needed it…and now he…he's gone and… " Dustpaw didn't finish, bowing his head. Firepaw tried to hide his shock - he didn't think he would hear the most brutish and arrogant apprentice among them say something like that.
The cats around him nodded and gave him sympathetic head dips - everyone except Darkstripe, who looked more completely caught off-guard by his apprentice crying. After about a minute Graypaw shifted and cleared his throat to speak, but stopped.
"You alright?"
Graypaw looked down. "I…"
Firepaw pressed his paw down on top of his beloved's, giving him a comforting smile. Graypaw weakly smiled back, then slowly looked out to his Clanmates.
"My parents died in the same breakout. I don't think I ever really talked to anyone except my parents before then…I really thought that I was alone. Barely even spoke a word when Willowpelt started taking care of us. But, uh…" The apprentice's sad smile blossomed into a full one that lit up his whole face. "He must have caught me looking at some birds, because one day he sat down and he just…started asking me the names of birds sitting on trees outside camp. I was three moons old so I was mostly making them up, but there was one bird that we were particularly interested in because of the color of its feathers. One of them fell off of its tail and we just… ran . And we were screaming and laughing and tussling and…y'know, playing like kits do. It's the first time I ever truly lived. "
A long silence followed as Graypaw stared out into the space in the clearing where Ravenpaw would have been laid to rest. "Life is really strange. And I never thought that I belonged in a world like that for way too long. And he…well, I know I'll never be perfect, but I'm a lot better. And he was the reason why I started. He and…"
The apprentice stopped. He could not imagine Lionheart alive, not with his body slumped over right there. He really did look more and more distant from life, closer to the earth than the cat that had been so important to him.
"I used to be really bad with heights. So I was always super worried about…even looking down from the edge of camp, really. On one of the first days of training, Lionheart was telling me how to climb a tree and he told me to try and catch some bird on a branch and…well, he's the deputy , I can't tell him that I'm afraid of heights. So I get up to the branch and the moment I look up I just freeze. I remember trying to move my legs and they never worked and-..."
A pause. "I don't know how he did it, but he got up the tree and carried me down. He wasn't mad at all. He just held me until I calmed down…and he told me that I could come to him with any worries he had…that h-he was proud of me. We'd talk about anything and…even when we got into arguments we figured it out. And…
"When I told him that I was gay…he was so happy. I wish I could show you all…the way he smiled and cheered and-..."
No longer could Graypaw talk without sobbing.
" He was a father to me…he guided me and-...Everything I went through, he told me that I was…strong…and I could live and be myself…without him, I-...I don't know who I'd be… "
Shaking, gritting his teeth with his face growing wet and sticky, Graypaw looked up to the sky. "Thank you, Lionheart. I love you. "
The moment he slumped back onto his hind legs, Firepaw reached up to pull the apprentice close. It was awkward with Graypaw being double his size, but he managed not to stumble backwards and let the gray tom bury his whimpering inside the crook of his neck. He said nothing - what was there to say? - and just held him close. Around him, other warriors were looking up at the sky and wiping their faces with sheathed paws.
From the other side of the circle, Whitestorm stood and walked towards them. The moment that Graypaw pulled back from Firepaw's embrace, he pulled him into his own chest and held him as tight as anyone could. " Thank you… " he could hear Whitestorm whisper into his ear as he fought sobs of his own. " Thank you… "
Back in the clearing, Yellowfang cleared her throat. "Lionheart and I, we never talked…well, nicely to each other, at least. When ShadowClan first kicked me out, I wanted to get a piece of Clan life again so I just watched the Gathering from a ways away. And I just remember hearing about Redtail's death and Lionheart taking his place…and y'know how it is, everyone in ShadowClan was spreading rumors that he's a brute, that he was being awful to she-cats and all these overblown rumors and…I don't think he sat on the root of that tree once. Someone asked him why he was with the warriors and he just said 'Because he still deserves to be here. It's wrong for him to be gone.'"
The warriors nodded as they recalled that Gathering. "And yeah, ShadowClan was scared of him. I mean…somecat told a group of apprentices that they should run if they saw a massive golden cat from ThunderClan charging after them. And his other mentor buddies looked at him like he was joking, but he wasn't . And…I didn't get to see him playing with the kits in the clearing all the time, but when I did…"
Yellowfang shook her head quietly. "I don't know how someone like him could exist. Either of them. They're just so…beyond belief." The black molly kept her head down, mainly out of respect, but did catch Bluestar giving her the smallest of approving nods. Firepaw's eyes had immediately darted to Tigerclaw the moment that Redtail came up, but saw no signs of movement on his face. The deputy was just staring forlornly - he couldn't tell if any of it was real.
Did Firepaw have anything to say? He was glad that he was here, being a part of a memorial for cats that he cared about very much, but he could not shake the feeling of being out of place. Standing here, hearing the stories of how special they were to these cats all their lives. He had been just a kittypet who StarClan made Bluestar and Lionheart and Spottedleaf have to pay attention to. Was he worthy of a place among these memorials? Was he worthy of tying the moments where Spottedleaf pulled him out of the depths of despair to keep him on his path? Was he worthy of telling everyone that Lionheart told him that he believed in him? That meant the world to him.
But he was not the chosen one to everyone standing in this circle. Bluestar was glancing up at him, wondering if he was going to say a word, but he just shook his head quietly,
To the rest of ThunderClan, he was still just a stranger.
There were a few more testimonials from some other warriors, including Mousefur who talked about how Spottedleaf helped her and Runningwind become close again in the wake of their parents' death. Graypaw had calmed down enough to just lean into Whitestorm's side as the two of them watched the rest of the memorial. Firepaw took care to gently brush him with his tail and give him a quick smile.
Bluestar was looking around, clearly wanting to keep her testimony last. When Tigerclaw gave her a nod to proceed, she stepped forward with her eyes down. Even from the way her fur wrapped around her body and the way she slowly rocked back and forth made the ThunderClan leader look like she was carrying the weight of the world. As if she could see, hear and feel every soul that she had lost.
"Spottedleaf told me to start preparing for when she died."
She stopped, letting her eyes linger on the form of her medicine cat. "It was a little bit before, but not by much. ShadowClan had not yet invaded WindClan and…well, she woke me in the middle of the night and she asked me what I was going to do when she died. I don't believe she actually did know, but when she was killed I was angry. At her for…a stupid argument, really. But also me, because I thought it was the closest thing she could give as a warning without actually making me react.
"I was like all of you. I felt hopeless when ShadowClan invaded. I thought that ThunderClan was going to die because of me and I just… didn't see a future without her here to stand by me. But then I…a few days ago, I saw something for the first time - something I think she wanted me to see."
She turned to Firepaw and then Sandpaw with a thoughtful glitter in her eyes. "You two went out to get prey. All of us were still grieving and hunting down Yellowfang and…they did something for us, for ThunderClan, that all of us need to survive. And then you, Graypaw, went up to the nursery and soon you were fixing it. No one asked you to…I didn't even start on making plans to fix up the place. But we ended one of our worst days with food in our bellies. And we have work to do with rebuilding, but everyone I saw…everyone put a branch back where it was. No one stayed up all night to fix all of camp, but…we all took the first step into making camp ours again."
Bluestar smiled. " That's what she wanted. I'm sure of it. That's what Lionheart would have wanted to - all of us to not let their deaths pin us to the ground so that we may begin healing. Together. I had been so ready to take Brokenstar on with the feeling of trying to save all of ThunderClan now, but…after that, I saw the future in you all. A strong one, unified. Where everything is rebuilt with our own paws and we bond together to never let anyone try to break us down."
Firepaw smiled. Perhaps Spottedleaf was listening to her leader, smirking to herself that she got what she had tried to tell her to keep ThunderClan going without her. Seven to fifteen steps ahead indeed.
Slowly, the leader lowered herself until she bowed over the body and her lips pressed into a kiss right on Spottedleaf's forehead. She moved to Lionheart, bowing and giving him the same mark of respect and farewell for a life well served.
The future. Everyone looked at each other, their future, and smiled with a glow in their eyes. Even Yellowfang was nodding to what Bluestar had said.- there was the smallest glint of pride in her eyes for the cat that had guided them here. Firepaw looked, of course, to Graypaw and pressed his paw on top of his own. When he turned and smiled at him, the ginger tom leaned in and nuzzled up against his neck.
The future sounded pretty good with him in it.
"And so I think there's something I wish to do. In their honor."
All of ThunderClan turned and watched as Bluestar slowly left the circle and walked towards the back of the camp, ascending up the Highrock. Back on the first day Firepaw had stepped into this camp, the leader moved up and down the leader's rock with an elegance and grace that was lost to the fire of war, but she looked as measured and grounded as she always did when she was completely confident in a decision.
And then, without warning, she looked right at her apprentice.
"Firepaw. Graypaw. Please join me on the Highrock."
Whoosh.
That was the sensation that Firepaw felt. It was so sudden and so foreign to his body that he really didn't know if there even existed a word to describe it. But it took the air from his lungs and washed through every vein, every vessel, every muscle in his body.
Firepaw had endured an uncountable amount of pain and suffering and grief in such a short life. He had endured days where fear ruled every second he was awake, wondering what he was going to lose next. No equilibrium existed inside of him, no stability for his young and battered mind to control his despair or his grief or his anger. Everything that he had heard and learned, even the words that tied him to the stars and to ThunderClan and to a purpose beyond the dreams he had as a young kit who knew only the walls and the shadows of the city…for a beautiful moment, he was cleansed.
The way he stared at his mentor, and then at Graypaw, the way the two of them tried so hard not to sprint up the rock and tumble over each other in excitement… It was like he was a kit. No, actually not that.
No, for the first time in his life, Firepaw suddenly felt like he had lived here in ThunderClan his whole life. That he was meant to be here.
The two apprentices stood at the base of the Highrock, the ginger tom's heart beating so aggressively that he couldn't even feel the shorts moments of stillness between the pumping of blood. Their Clanmates gathered around the Highrock, eyes wide in wonder.
It had been three moons. There was a rumor Firepaw heard at the Gathering briefly that training was supposed to last for five moons, but mentors often did a first assessment early both to test how well an apprentice performs under pressure and to teach them how to build themselves back up and come back to a failed task stronger. Neither of them had touched proper training since the Gathering, let alone been given any kind of assessment.
And yet Bluestar didn't even look like she cared.
"You two…where do I even begin?" she said with a smile. "I know that this is quite sudden, but I meant every word when I called this group of apprentices the most talented that ThunderClan had seen in seasons. Quick learners, adept to overcoming your own unique challenges…and the bonds that you've both formed with ThunderClan is unmistakable. We're asked as mentors to train you until we're confident that you have the strength to not just provide for your Clan, but shoulder through adversity and hardship when it comes."
Bluestar looked out across the clearing for a moment, eyes looking over at the still body of her former deputy.
"Whatever plan you had to sneak into ShadowClan and take the kits out of harm's way…I refuse to believe it worked as you intended it to. But I am also confident that none of whatever you planned would have worked if you two didn't have the wits, the confidence…and the remarkable bond that you have for each other."
Firepaw was grinning ear to ear already.
"You looked like true warriors. "
But when she said that , he knew that he would never feel this level of elation again. After moons of feeling older and worn out with his fate crushing him over and over, Firepaw felt young. He could feel the bright-eyed three-moon-old kit jumping for joy inside of him, finally seeing his dreams of becoming something glorious begin to come true.
The ceremony began. "I, Bluestar, leader of ThunderClan, hereby call upon my ancestors to be a witness to these two apprentices I present before you. They have trained tirelessly to learn the ways of your code and uphold your way of life. And in the face of grave danger, they poured every part of themselves into fighting to keep our Clan alive. Thus, I commend and present these two young heroes to receive your blessing and become full warriors of ThunderClan.
She nodded to the gray tom. "Graypaw, please step forward."
The young gray tom did just that. He looked as if he were positively exploding with eagerness, bouncing on his paws like he was a small breeze away from leaping into the air and taking flight and StarClan , did the ginger tom's heart burn for him. They had made it. They pulled through, and they had pulled through together.
But before Bluestar spoke again, she turned back to the clearing. Lionheart wasn't here - there was no mentor to give a blessing to Graypaw. But the leader's eyes fell on Whitestorm, and through a look of near-insurmountable pride and joy he gave an approving nod.
"It's what he would have wanted," he said proudly.
Bluestar turned back to the apprentice, who was so riled up that he was hyperventilating. "Breathe, Graypaw," she said with a chuckle before clearing her throat and speaking to the skies again.
"Graypaw, do you swear before your Clanmates and your ancestors to uphold the warrior code, protect your Clanmates, and be forever vigilant towards ThunderClan even in the face of death?"
Graypaw, the joyful apprentice, dipped his head. "Yes, I do."
"Then, by the power of StarClan, I hereby grant you your warrior name." She reached up and placed her paw on the gray tom's forehead. "Graypaw, from this moment forward, you shall now be known to all as Graystripe. StarClan embraces your earnestness, kindness and bravery, and we officially welcome you as a warrior of ThunderClan."
She pulled her paw away. From beneath the leader's rock, a cheer broke out amongst the warriors, singing and proclaiming the name into existence. Graystripe. Graystripe. Graystripe. Whitestorm's voice rang out the loudest, carrying the cheers of both himself and, surely, his fallen mate who was watching with pride.
He bowed fully. Bluestar placed her muzzle on his forehead, speaking a few words of blessing and congratulations before stepping back. And Graystripe looked out among his fellow warriors for the first time, a euphoric smile on his face. Firepaw grinned brightly, so bright that his muscles almost burned with the strain. It took everything to launch himself onto the new warrior and cover him with licks and congratulations.
But Bluestar gestured with her tail for quiet and turned back to him. And then it was happening.
He looked into the eyes of his mentor and his leader. They looked like a vivid sky with deep, churning hues weaved together through complicated thoughts she would leave unsaid. Firepaw could pick out all the internal conflict she had about granting her apprentice her warrior name this soon - or maybe it was about him getting his warrior name at all. Whatever the case, there would be hundreds more questions to come greater than this.
The holy words singed into his brain, like they were burning into his brain and traveling through his nerves making his skin shiver with goosebumps. The weight of his destiny was more present than ever. The future, the forever uncertain future where he saved the Clan and fulfilled the will of StarClan loomed over him as it always would for the rest of his life. And in the face of despair and dread had Firepaw crumbled in tears or lashed out in violent anger or begged to be set free.
But his mind was clear. He had one thought in his mind, burning brightest of all.
I'm going to be a warrior.
"Firepaw, do you swear before your Clanmates and your ancestors to uphold the warrior code, protect your Clanmates, and be forever vigilant towards ThunderClan even in the face of death?"
His nod was firm. Proud. He made it here. He was a city cat condemned as a kittypet with danger chasing after him at every step and he had made it.
"Yes, I do."
"Then, by the power of StarClan, I hereby grant you your warrior name."
Firepaw bowed his head. He felt his mentor place her paw between his eyes. The skin felt so powerful that he thought that his fur would catch fire.
He closed his eyes and let his name be stripped of him. In darkness he floated for a moment, a cat with no name but a destiny unlike any other. StarClan's presence was around him, observing him and tugging on the binds that they had made around him with their holy words. He could have asked for them to speak to him about the prophecy - what did the rest of it say? What did his fate spell out for him? What did he need to do to save ThunderClan?
Instead, he didn't ask any questions. Instead, he conjured up an old prayer.
And StarClan heard his prayer. And they nodded their heads in approval.
"Firepaw, from this moment forward, you shall now be known as Fireheart."
And it was so.
"StarClan embraces your courage, resilience and loyalty, and we officially welcome you as a warrior of ThunderClan."
Fireheart opened his eyes.
He could feel a new presence surrounding him. One filled with the burdens and expectations that came with his new name. But even though his small form barely felt a change, he suddenly didn't feel like the world was crushing him until he shattered into dust. Instead, they felt like challenges to be conquered. Fireheart felt light as a feather.
He felt free.
The ginger warrior smiled back at her mentor, who was beaming with pride and approval. He bowed his head and felt her muzzle rest on his fur between the ears. He heard words whispered under her breath.
" Be true, Fireheart, and I will fight alongside you forever. "
They pulled back. And just over the blood pumping in his ears, he heard the voices of his fellow warriors crying out his name into existence. It was a sign of triumph, wiping away everything that had tied him back and tried to break him down from the very moment he walked into this camp for the very first time. There was no Rusty, no Firepaw, no kittypet…
There was only Fireheart.
Fireheart.
Fireheart.
Fireheart.
Graystripe had rushed down into the crowd of warriors to get their congratulations and well-wishes. Fireheart stayed on the Highrock, slowly stepping forward and pressing against his leader. It meant so much. It was difficult to even put into words at this point. And it was only when he pulled back from pressing his muzzle into her neck when Bluestar moved her tail to wipe at his face that he realized that he was weeping. But for once, it was not because of mourning.
The world still had bigger and scarier plans for him yet. But he felt like something inside of him was now complete.
Bluestar gestured for him to descend from the Highrock. He almost stumbled into the crowd of warriors gathered around Graystripe and now making space to welcome him. He brushed pelts with Mousefur and Runningwind. Whitestorm pushed through to press against him. Even Yellowfang gave him a short nod of approval from a distance back. Everyone saying his new name, an immortalized symbol of victory, was enough to numb the sting that came from Sandpaw not being present - she had disappeared into the medicine den the moment the ceremony ended. It was also enough that Tigerclaw, always lurking now with possession of the most power he'd ever had - power that he had killed his own Clanmate for - couldn't make him afraid with the way he looked over at the warrior being celebrated.
Fireheart was above it all.
Everything began to slip back and into their own groups. Firepaw's eyes drifted around the area of the bodies. For a moment he thought that he could see two outlines of cats nearby, looking over at him. And then another moment and he had to shake his head clear when he thought he caught the smallest form of black fur and green eyes watching from the edge of camp.
Everything slowed, giving Fireheart precious time to breathe. The world began to move again. The moon was beginning to sink towards the end of the earth. Soon, Bluestar would organize a procession to bury Lionheart and Spottedleaf. Soon the day would come, and Fireheart would feel, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, ready to take on whatever was coming.
He turned and he was breathless again. Graystripe stood a few paw-paces away, also panting from exhilaration and beaming with joy.
"Fireheart," the gray tom said.
"Graystripe," the ginger tom said back.
Then Graystripe was pouncing and tackling Fireheart over. And Fireheart was moving every part of his body to embrace his beloved. They laughed. They shouted. They rolled around in the dirt. They looked like kits, how they tumbled around each other. Love was a deep and thorough and complicated language and the two young warriors were singing it out to each other without even knowing what the words actually meant.
But they had each other. They looked into each other's eyes and pressed their muzzles and noses together right there on the grass of camp and could feel their hearts tie together. They had each other, always and forever.
As they embraced, Fireheart looked to the stars. Looking up at the stars and up to those who had spoken him into their destiny. They could hear him. And they were watching him. But while not too long ago he would have cowered in fear or lashed out in fury, he simply smiled.
Thank you, StarClan. I won't let you down.
The world revolved. Towards the bad days that were to come, as it always did. But this time did Fireheart feel more ready than he had ever been. In the arms of his beloved, laying in the only home he would ever truly know, he smiled.
A fire scorched inside him.
"So? What did you think of the story?"
Rusty thought for a minute. Much longer than his other siblings, but coming to the same correct answer.
"It was really weird. I don't think I liked it."
END OF BOOK ONE
a/n:the epilogue will be posted on october 2nd.
thank you all for the support. it means the world to me.
with love,
cj