A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. I've been slammed at work. That, and I did not want to rush this chapter because I think it's crucial to the latter-part of the story.

It had now been six months since Kara's passing. Jamie could take comfort that she went peacefully, holding her hands in his while she went, Baby Chelsea only one hour old and peacefully sleeping next to her mom in a hospital crib.

Some days had been sheer, utter Hell on Earth for him while other days had been tolerable. Under the watchful eye of Renzulli, he did desk duty for three months before he was allowed to go back on the streets.

In a tragic irony, this had brought Danny and Jamie closer as brothers as both had now lost their wives. Too often in the past, their older brother Joe had been the peacemaker between the two. But when he died, Danny and Jamie butted heads and Joe wasn't there to stop them. Deep down inside, both grown men were embarrassed at their childish impulses, but not embarrassed enough to truly do anything about it, just to shrug their Irish-American shoulders and hope for the best next time.

Jamie knew a lot of it was trauma based. Their Grandma Betty had died, their mom had died, and Joe died all within a relatively short span of time. Add onto it that Sydney, his first fiancée, broke off the engagement and it felt like yet one more person had left him. He didn't need his Harvard education to know that was a gross over-simplification, but that's how it felt. And then you add to Danny's side of things the death of Linda and him being a single father to two boys, mix all of that up and it's a pot that's always boiling. Even if the pot was boiling on Low, it was still boiling, and no one really seemed to know how to turn it Off. Or maybe they didn't want to because, if they did, they might have to start asking some uncomfortable questions about family dynamics, family history, and so on.

But when Kara died, Danny did something Jamie nor Erin nor Frank nor Henry would or could do. He turned the fire Off. He began meeting Jamie at his apartment, bringing him breakfast from the local coffee and donut place he knew Jamie liked once a week on Saturday. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they sat in silence. Sometimes, Danny hugged Jamie as he sobbed.

"It hurts so much, Danny!" he sobbed. "It hurts so damn much!"

"I know, kid," Danny said. "I know."

While Danny knew Jamie had to work the grieving process on his own, that didn't mean he couldn't walk alongside him. As a result, they had many good conversations while Jamie held Chelsea or fed her formula. Though there would still sometimes be big brother/little brother tension that happens in families, Danny decided the constant ribbing and bickering and looking for a fight had to stop.

"I'm sorry," Danny said to Jamie one Saturday, "for all of it."

Jamie nodded.

"I am, too," he said, "for all of it."

"I don't want my boys to grow up to be like me," Danny confessed. "At least, not the hot-headed ripping and snorting at the first sign of disagreement."

"And I don't want my daughter to be like me," Jamie confessed, "and bottle all her feelings up until one little thing sets her off like a volcano."

"Meh," Danny said with a shrug. "For what it's worth, I think you've gotten better at that. I think Kara smoothed out those rougher edges. Me, on the other hand… Since Linda died, it's been a daily struggle not to swan dive into those bad habits. Aaaaand, sometimes I still end up diving right back in."

Danny shook his head, ashamed of himself.

"Hey," Jamie said, placing a hand on his older brother's knee, "in this family, we're all a bit guilty of swan diving into some bad habits. It's not just you or me. But it can sure stop with you and me. Jack, Sean, Nicky, Chelsea… They don't have to do it like us."

Long overdue conversations such as those helped ease the emotional burden he felt over Kara's death. The burden was still very present, but – somehow – lighter.
Jamie's burden was also made lighter with the presence of Eddie in Chelsea's life. Chelsea lit up every time she saw Eddie, which made Jamie's heart happy. Jamie offered to pay Eddie for her help, an offer which Eddie scoffed at.

"I love this precious girl like she's my own, Reagan!" she scolded him when he came home from a tour. "I don't need your money."

"I know," Jamie said, "but I also know after a long day on the job, you then have to do this the next day and she's my kid, not yours, so…"

"So, nothing!" Eddie said, cheerfully defiant as ever. "Keep your money."

"Then can you at least… Stay for dinner?" Jamie asked with a smile. "I'm ordering in some Italian."

Eddie smiled.

"Italian sounds good, actually," she said. "I'm in."

"And I'm paying!" Jamie insisted cheerfully. "No arguing!"

Eddie laughed…

They sat and enjoyed dinner while Chelsea slept.

"So, how's your partner?" Eddie asked.

"Chapman?" Jamie replied. "He's good."

Eddie smirked.

"What?" Jamie asked.

"Chapman?" she clarified.

"Yeah, Chapman," Jamie said. "Why?"

"He, uh… Asked me out yesterday," Eddie said.

"Oh."

"I kind of saw it coming," Eddie admitted.

"What did you say?" Jamie couldn't help but ask.

"I let him down really easy," Eddie said. "I told him he was a great guy, but I thought we were better off as friends."

Jamie nodded.

"And how'd he take it?" he asked.

"Pretty good," she said. "He was a little disappointed, but he took it in stride."

Eddie paused.

"I feel bad."

"Why?" Jamie asked.

"He's a nice guy," Eddie said, "good looking. I rode with him a couple times and he's a good cop… There was just… No connection, at least on my part."

"Well," Jamie said, as he swallowed his bite of spaghetti, "as bad as you might feel, it would have been worse for you to lead him on."

Eddie frowned.

"I know," she sighed. "Did he seem okay, though? I mean, today?"

Jamie smiled.

"I thought you didn't like him," he teased.

Eddie glared at him.

"Not like that, no," she said, "but I do think he's a good guy and I just hope I didn't hurt him too bad."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Jamie said, "he seemed in a good mood during tour."

Eddie nodded.

"Well, that's good," she said, satisfied,

Jamie smiled. Eddie always had a good heart and even after losing Barry the way she did, she came out on the other end with her heart bruised but still intact.

"I got to get going," Eddie said as she finished her last couple bites of dinner. "Roll Call is bright and early at 7AM."

Jamie nodded and smiled.

"Thanks, again, for watching her," he said.

Eddie smiled softly.

"No problem at all," she said.

Without even thinking, they pulled each other in for a hug that lasted for five seconds.

Then ten seconds.

Then fifteen seconds.

Twenty seconds.

They pulled away, looking into each other's eyes.

"I should go," Eddie whispered.

"Yeah," Jamie said.

Jamie slowly, cautiously leaned into Eddie and they kissed, their lips gently touching. But almost as soon as they did, Eddie was the first to open her eyes and pull away.

"Um… Jamie?"

Jamie opened his eyes, shocked at his own actions, and also shocked that Eddie pulled away.

"This," Eddie said with a sad half-smile, "isn't a good idea."

Jamie stood there.

"It's… It's only been six months, Jamie," Eddie continued. "Trust me… I… I thought I was ready with Michael, and I wasn't. At least, not as ready as I should've been."

Jamie shook his head, embarrassed.

"I'm… I'm sorry," he said, ashamed.

"It's alright," Eddie soothed.

Jamie stepped aside.

"You should probably go," he said.

Eddie nodded, quietly gathering her things, and leaving without a word, the silence speaking volumes, Jamie closing the door behind her.

Jamie looked on the baby monitor to see his precious baby girl sleeping peacefully.

He smiled.

He walked over to a picture of him and Kara at a Christmas party at the Twelfth Precinct. It was one of his favorite pictures of them together. Slowly, he surrendered to tears.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Eddie was right. He wasn't ready.