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Chapter 7

Choices, choices and more choices

Tris' POV

I walk mindlessly down the halls of dauntless. Turn after turn while I'm lost in thought. It's like this is a sick Dauntless prank someone is playing on me. This can't be real. How can this be?

I wasn't stupid or careless like some other Dauntless women I've heard about. Sleeping around, having just about anyone in my bed. I didn't want that. Sure, I like to think I'm brave and courageous enough to be Dauntless and not selfless enough to be Abnegation. But that doesn't mean I have to play by all the rules.

I didn't just want to be with someone for the sake of getting some. I wanted it to be more than that.

But then the accident with Will happened and I just…I thought I didn't deserve to have anyone in my life. Not if I took someone else's someone from them. Christina never forgave me for it, I can't blame her. I wouldn't be able to forgive and understand me either if I was in her shoes. I think part of me understood why her and Tobias, Four, got together. An eye for an eye, I guess. Although I had hoped that wasn't the case.

My feet stop moving when I reach the Chasm. My hand falling on my flat stomach where the baby, my baby, should be. My other hand is still grasping the prescription the Doctor gave me before I ran out of his office.

I know I have options…

Abortion, adoption, keeping it.

I have options.

But how am I supposed to make up my mind when now I know it's not only my hormones that are running through me. Motivating me even. How can I make this decision, like I was choosing what toothpaste to use or what outfit to wear.

I don't even know who the father is. What rights would he have, or if he would even want it. Would I have to share custody of the baby with a stranger? Someone that I don't know, how do I trust them? What if we, as co-parents, are not compatible? What if we can't make it work?

What if he doesn't want it? I'll be a single mother. What about my career? I spend so much time away from home… How could I balance that?

I stare at the piece of paper, at the pen marks that make letters into words. Just one pill to take at bedtime. My heart breaks into a million pieces, thinking of not even giving this little life inside of me a chance.

What if the father does want it? What if he is married with a wonderful wife? Would I be able to give it up, walk away. Possibly one day see the baby running down the halls of Dauntless, calling another woman Mommy, knowing it should be me?

I feel so helpless, so violated.

Tobias' POV

I get back to the control room, leaving Christina to yet another shopping spree to make herself feel better about not being the one that is pregnant. Of course, never thinking about what this is doing to the other woman that got mixed up in all of this. And not just any woman….But Tris. Although Christina doesn't need to know that right now.

The Doctor actually was more than willing to keep Tris' identity a secret for now. Although obviously he knows I'm more than aware who this woman is. I was grateful for his silence. I can't imagine what shit will hit the fan if and when Chris finds out who the mother is.

I don't even know how to process this myself.

I walk back to my seat, almost falling into it. Zeke nearly loses it when he takes notice of me. Thankfully, he smirks and clears his throat.

"Dude, what's with you?" He says, his voice filled with laughter. I shake my head from side to side, if only he knew….

"Don't ask," I say, my breakfast is threatening to come up.

"Dude, you look like you've seen a ghost or some shit…. You're paler than usual." Zeke comments. "What is Christina pregnant?" He asks jokingly. He laughs, as I look at him dead on with my jaw clenched tighter than ever, "Holy shit, she's pregnant." He whispers under his breath as our boss walks the floor.

I place my index finger over my lips shushing him to shut the fuck up. "No."

"Oh. thank god." He says, his hand over his heart as if it's the biggest relief in the world.

"But someone is." I mutter, correcting him.

"What? Holy shit, you have been sneaking around behind Christina's back? Do you have a suicide wish?" He says, his voice full of shock.

"No. It's not like that, you idiot." I whisper, ready to reach out and smack him beside his head. But I restrained myself, it wouldn't go over well with our boss.

"Then what the fuck are you saying?" He says, when Greg passes by us. I glance at the monitors looking for the obvious suspicious activities when my eyes land on Tris. She is alone at the Chasm. I can see how lost in thought she is, her right hand protectively over her flat stomach. In her other hand is a square piece of paper, there are tears running down her cheeks… as she stares out into the abyss. Something in my stomach contracts when I see how devastated she is. I need to talk to her. I need to make things as right as I can with her, right now.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Cover me," I say, standing up from my desk and not looking back to see Zeke's reaction.

I rush out of the control room and down the halls taking the fastest route to the Chasm. My mind is racing with all the things I want to say and fear to say to her. It's funny, in Dauntless we are supposed to be courageous and brave…But right now I feel anything but that. I see Tris as I come around the corner, I stop in my tracks. Standing back, watching her form as she stares out into the Chasm. Her hand is still protectively over the baby, our baby.

Suddenly all of my previous hesitations are gone. I step out of the shadows and make myself known by taking a wider step than I usually do. Tris turns suddenly, shocked to see me as she quickly wipes her tears from her face. I pull out a handkerchief out of my pocket and hand it to her. She takes it, without a word as she pats her face dry and wipes her nose.

"Keep it," I say, trying to break the ice.

"You okay?" I ask, leaning against a rock.

"I'm not sure." She says, looking down at the stone floor.

"Tris we need to talk, I begin.

"There's nothing to talk about Four…" She says, interrupting me. I cringe hearing her say my Dauntless name. It's been more than two years since I told her who I really am. Two years and I still prefer her to call me by my given name, Tobias. That hasn't changed, now more than ever I feel that part of myself. Tobias wants to be here now more than ever for our baby.

"Yes, there is." I tried to correct her.

"Four, I really can't do this today. I just…There's nothing to talk about… If Christina knew you were talking to me she would…"

"Kill me." I say for her, in agreement. "Well this isn't about her. It's about…. Us." I confess, gesturing between me and her.

"There is no us." She corrects me. Bad choice of words. I need to remind myself that she doesn't know, Doctor Ortiz didn't want to pressure Tris more by telling her who the father of her baby is.

"Yeah… there is." I continue, not giving her another moment to interrupt me as her lips open and begin to make a sound. My hand flies up, stopping her, wanting her to listen. "I'm the father of your baby." I blurt out. Hoping that would get her attention. It does the trick, she takes a step back with shock all over her face.

"Your… the…. What?" She stutters.

"The baby that you are carrying… I'm the father." I repeat, scratching the back of my neck. "I put two and two together, when I heard you running down the hall… Crying… and asked the Doctor if that was indeed you. He confirmed it.

"Did you…" I can see the battle in her beautiful, blue gray eyes, wanting to point the finger at me but at the same time being cautious.

"I didn't have anything to do with it.'' I answered her unspoken question. "I didn't even know Christina was getting the procedure done till that night when she told me at home." I confess.

"So you were trying?" She says, hurt in her eyes more present than it was a minute ago.

"No. I mean…. I… it's complicated." I finally got out. Not really wanting to bring up my medical history right now. This moment is about her and the baby, not about me.

She nods her head, thankfully not wanting more of an explanation than that. She takes a deep and steady breath in, holds it and releases it slowly as she leans against the stone wall. We stay like this, silence engulfing us until she finally says, "I'm not ready to be a Mom." She mutters. Her arms wrapped around herself, as if holding herself together.

"We can…We can take it," I offer. She doesn't need to know my marital problems. Not right now. What she needs most is my support, to know I'm here for anything and everything that she needs.

"And then what? I live the rest of my life knowing that my kid is just out there?" She counteracts.

"So…. You're not going to have it?" I ask, feeling nothing but defeat.

"Look I know that the reasons for me wanting to end the pregnancy are so selfish." She pauses, swallowing past the lump in her throat. " That I'm not ready, that this wasn't the plan. I worked so hard to get to where I am…. I'm a virgin. I didn't want the reputation of sleeping around, or getting pregnant from a one night stand to stop me from living the life I so desperately left Abnegation for." She says, her words coming out so fast and almost shakingly. "I want to be ready. To settle down with someone. Not for someone to be married to what used to be my best friend…" She points out our impossible situation. A situation that I can't blame her for not wanting. "But then I know I wont be able to live with myself if I do go along with it." She stares at the floor, tears streaming down her face.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I can only say that for whatever you need I am here. You're not alone in this." I told her.

"I just need some space right now." She says, pushing herself off the wall and slowly steps down the hall and away from me. My heart hurts as I straighten up and walk back to the control room.

I just enter the door, when Zeke turns towards me in his seat. His facial expression is both in shock and confused. I look at his screen, closing my eyes and silently cursing myself for forgetting about both the audio and the visual that he obviously saw between me and Tris.

"I think we need some beers and you have some explaining to do." He says, his voice more serious than I have ever heard it.

A/N

Thoughts about what Zeke is going to say when he finds out about Four and his love child.

Will Tris keep the baby, knowing whose baby it is now?

Thank you all for the support and reviews of this story. We really do appreciate and read them all. We plan to write a Christina POV.

Revised by: FDFobsessed

Like always, happy reading everyone, be safe and stay healthy,

Trini