Hinata and Sasuke have heart to hearts with their senseis.

Chapter 41: Death has come to me, kissed me on the cheek (gave me closure)

Hinata was too preoccupied to be good company at lunch. While Shino and Kurenai were content to leave her to her thoughts, Kiba continued to make a spirited effort to keep her engaged until Mirai stole his attention.

Akamaru, having already been tired out playing with Mirai earlier, lay his head half on Hinata's thigh, a welcome and unobtrusive presence.

She was sure her teammates were curious about her conversation with Naruto and, perhaps more so, whatever subtle interactions they were able to catch between her and Sasuke. Being expert trackers made them more observant than even most ninja. Fortunately they knew her well enough to know that now wasn't the time to press.

When lunch was over, neither boy seemed surprised that Hinata elected to stay behind.

While Kurenai put Mirai down for a nap, Hinata cleaned up. It was a nice, mindless activity. She knew this apartment like the back of her hand and was done by the time her former sensei returned to shoo her into the living room. Kurenai joined her a few minutes later with two cups of tea.

Hinata accepted the cup gratefully. The chamomile Kurenai had brewed was straight from Hinata's own garden, but despite its soothing smell Hinata craved the scent of matcha and the taste of the wagashi Sasuke kept stocked in his cupboards.

And just like that it all came spilling out. Sasuke, Naruto and everything in between. It hadn't always been easy to let herself be vulnerable in front of Kurenai, but over the years the older woman had shown Hinata it wasn't a weakness to speak her mind and share her troubles.

Hinata should have told Kurenai about all of this earlier, but she knew why she hadn't.

That would have made it real.

Kurenai listened without interrupting, only sipping slowly at her tea. When Hinata was done, Kurenai set the cup down and took Hinata's hands into her own.

"Hinata-chan," she said, looking at Hinata intently. "What is it exactly that you're so afraid of?"

Wide-eyed, Hinata stared at her sensei silently. Kurenai waited patiently.

Focusing on the comforting feeling of Kurenai's hands covering her own, Hinata slowly tried to give voice to the mess of feelings inside of her. "Loving Naruto-kun…changed me. The person I was before was weak and gave up too easily and was…unhappy. If I let go of him…I'm afraid of becoming that person again."

"Oh, Hinata-chan," Kurenai sighed, looking at her with warm eyes. "Change is difficult. You know, it took a lot of effort to become a jounin. Especially as a woman. I was so proud when I got that promotion..." She trailed off, her gaze wandering towards her bedroom where Mirai was sleeping. "Giving that up wasn't easy. There were times when I thought…what was all of that effort for? But that was a foolish thought borne from fear of the unknown. Of course it was worth something. Retiring from being a ninja didn't undo anything. The hours of training, the missions I completed, the comrades I protected, the people I saved, those things are still real. They're still a part of me." She squeezed Hinata's hands. "Naruto may have inspired you to change, but you changed yourself. That won't disappear."

Hinata bit her lower lip. Tears stung her eyes and she closed them tightly.

"And just because something ends, doesn't mean it was a failure," Kurenai said and Hinata's eyes shot open. It was like Kurenai had plucked the words right out of Hinata's mind.

The fear of failure.

"Being a kunoichi made me who I am. And," Kurenai paused, swallowing heavily, "If I were given the chance to go back and to fall in love with someone who would still be here…I would choose the short time I had with Asuma over a lifetime with anyone else. Even if it ended, I would never consider that relationship a failure. In a way, loving him made me who I am too. But even though he's gone and even though I'm no longer a kunoichi, I'm still here. I'm still me."

Hinata looked at her former instructor, a woman she admired so much. Her hair was in disarray from where Mirai had been tugging on it and her face was full from childbirth, but the hands that held Hinata's hadn't lost their calluses.

When Asuma died, Hinata had watched Kurenai grieve her lover. And then she'd watched her pick herself back up with all the strength Hinata had always known her to have.

Kurenai had lost Asuma, but she was right, she hadn't lost herself.

Maybe, just maybe, Hinata wouldn't either.

Sasuke had only stepped foot in the Konoha Cemetery once, before he'd left on his journey of atonement, but he walked the path to the gravestone like he'd done it a thousand times. It had been the one thing Sasuke wouldn't compromise on, but fortunately he hadn't had to put up much of a fight. Kakashi had granted it immediately.

Uchiha Itachi.

Unsung village hero.

It had seemed fitting to have him laid to rest here and not in the Uchiha district graveyard among the clansmen he had slain.

Whatever his intentions, Sasuke couldn't stomach it.

The gravestone was a simple one. Tall and thin, with just his brother's name and the Leaf emblem engraved into it. There had been no body to bury, this was purely symbolic. But after all he'd sacrificed in the name of the village, Itachi had earned this much.

Sasuke stared at it, a turbulent swirl of emotions welling up inside him.

Seven years of love, ten years of hate, almost two years of both love and hate warring inside of him.

Could he still love Itachi after what he had done to their family, what he had done to Sasuke?

Was he allowed to hate Itachi knowing what he had done for Konoha, what he had done for Sasuke?

Lips pulled into a grim line, Sasuke crouched down in front of the gravestone.

He'd never wanted any of this.

The Hyuuga photo album had opened a floodgate of thoughts he'd never dared dwell on when revenge was meant to be his only priority. A glimpse into a life that could have been. No matter how that train of thought started, it frequently led to frustration. Perhaps not the healthiest coping method, though hardly the unhealthiest one Sasuke had partaken in.

He let himself imagine it again now.

What kind of advice would Itachi have given Sasuke if he were still here? Would he have scolded him for continuing to estrange his only friend? Would he have known a more delicate way to handle the situation?

Moreover, would it have been necessary?

If Sasuke had grown up with his family intact, would he have been able to pay more attention to girls in the academy? Would he have experienced normal childish infatuation? Would he have pursued it? Would his mother have encouraged him while his father scoffed? Would Itachi have teased him or helped him? Would Sasuke have won Hinata's heart first, before Naruto even had the chance?

And what would Itachi have thought of Hinata?

Sasuke couldn't imagine anything except wholehearted acceptance. They would have gotten along, Itachi and Hinata.

So when he'd realized his feelings for her, instead of facing them alone in the dead streets where his family had been killed, would Sasuke have had someone to confide in? Would he have gone to his big brother for help? Would Itachi have set him straight, told him not to be stupid enough to pass on a chance with her?

But the reality was that he had been alone.

Instead of a family to bring Hinata home to, all Sasuke had was a legacy of madness.

Sasuke would never know what kind of expression Hinata would have made when he introduced her to his parents. How she would have fit into his family.

That life was lost to him.

"Surprised to see you here."

Sasuke's gaze shifted from the gravestone to his right side, up the standard issue pants and flak jacket to the masked face.

"This is the first time you've visited since returning," Kakashi remarked.

Sasuke grunted, turning back to the gravestone. "Spying on me?"

"My network of informants is good at what they do," Kakashi said drolly. Then, more seriously, he said, "I come by pretty often."

Sasuke frowned. "Why?"

"Mah, who can say? Probably the same reason I visit Obito and Rin."

Sasuke shot the older man a sidelong glance, wondering if his wayward cousin's name was still engraved into the memorial stone after the revelations from the war.

"He was younger than you were when he was put under my supervision," Kakashi said conversationally. "Not the first genius I'd met, but different from the rest. Calm and mature in a way that tricked people into forgetting how young he was. So skilled at fighting that it was easy to miss how he disliked it."

Sasuke remembered. The child-sized ANBU uniform that haunted his dreams. The exhaustion and listlessness that shadowed Itachi's face. Memories he'd dissected over and over, never really understanding until it was too late. He'd been fooled like everyone else.

"I was supposed to look out for him. I thought I had. In the end he was another comrade I let down."

"Don't give yourself too much credit. He was failed by every adult around him," Sasuke said sardonically.

Kakashi huffed out a humourless laugh. "Maybe that's the inevitable outcome, when children are only taught to fight."

Still crouched down, Sasuke weighed those words in his mind and found that he couldn't deny their truth.

Itachi had never had any intention of talking to Sasuke. His story was always meant to end on the battlefield. He simply hadn't seen any other way.

Sasuke was no different.

"But I'm starting to think I'll live to see that change," Kakashi mused. "After all, you and Naruto managed to have a confrontation that didn't turn into a fist fight."

Getting to his feet, Sasuke turned to face Kakashi and saw the older man's gaze linger on his jaw where Naruto's punch had landed.

"Well, for the most part," Kakashi corrected. "When I got a genin team, I was expecting to have to deal with a love triangle. First I was dreading it. Then I was wishing that was our biggest problem. Didn't think we'd circle back to it years later."

Heat crawled up Sasuke's face and to his ears without his permission. Here he'd been feeling like he was going through a crisis, only to have Kakashi come along and trivialize it. It was embarrassing.

"Shut up," he muttered, glaring.

Kakashi chuckled, unfazed. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just…glad."

Sasuke's glare faltered.

"I didn't think you'd get to experience this. You all had to grow up so fast."

"…You think we're being childish."

"Not at all. Didn't I just say you handled yourselves maturely?" Kakashi said. "No, I don't think you're being childish. I think you're being teenagers."

Sasuke looked away with a displeased sound.

"And you haven't done anything wrong. It's never wrong to love. If you're going to fight for something, fight to hold onto it."

Sasuke's eyes clouded over. He was looking out at the rest of the graveyard, but what he saw was Hinata and Naruto. He'd made up his mind and wasn't going to change it, but he didn't feel entirely good about it either. Was it really not wrong to come in between them?

"It's not exactly a conventional battle," was all that Sasuke could say in response.

"Did you get humble with age?" Kakashi asked, amusement colouring his voice. "You always thought you were the best at everything."

Sasuke stood taller at that, a reflexive motion.

Kakashi wasn't wrong. Sasuke was a fast learner and he'd always succeeded at anything he tried. Now wasn't the time to start acting like a loser.

"Just remember to fight to hold onto your friends too," Kakashi said.

Sasuke met his former teacher's serious eyes and nodded once.

"Now come on, let's get something to eat." Kakashi started to walk away coolly, hands in his pockets.

"It's the middle of the day. Don't you have paperwork to do?"

"I'm paying."

"…fine."

Sasuke glanced back at Itachi's bare grave, the Leaf symbol the only decoration other than his name. Maybe one day the Uchiha fan would join it.

He turned and caught up with Kakashi.

"You seem calmer around her. At peace," Kakashi said almost offhandedly.

Sasuke made a noise of acknowledgement. He'd noticed it himself early on and Shikamaru had made a comment alluding to this as well.

"It's a good look," Kakashi added. "And Hinata, she's an…anxious girl. But from what I've seen, she seems comfortable around you."

Though he didn't respond, the observation made something inside Sasuke grow warm. "Next time…" Sasuke started, feeling Kakashi's curious eyes on his profile, "We should invite Naruto and Sakura." Though he kept his gaze forward, Sasuke could practically feel the older man's grin.

"Sure."

"…Sai can come too."

Processing emotions isn't easy, luckily Hinata and Sasuke don't have to do it alone.

Thanks as always to all my readers ^^ I always appreciate reading your thoughts!

MVH