A more SasuHina heavy chapter compared to the last couple!
Chapter 42: At every beat of my battered heart
The atmosphere in the Konoha community center was rather dreary. The regular attendees remembered the last assault on Konoha as the reason they needed to seek provisions from the community center in the first place. This most recent attack had them fearful of landing in even worse circumstances.
Though it was hard not to be affected, Hinata had done her best to keep a smile on her face throughout her shift. But while she was untying her apron, the obaa-sans perked up for the first time that afternoon.
"Oho, what a handsome young man!"
"He's grown up well!"
"Don't tell me — is that the Uchiha boy?"
The apron ties slipped out of Hinata's fingers as she whirled around.
"Sasuke-kun!" she gasped.
He inclined his head in a silent greeting, having no problem ignoring the older women already starting to gossip. Hinata wasn't as capable.
"Hurry up, Hinata-chan. You shouldn't keep such a good looking boy waiting!"
Hinata blushed. She quickly untied the apron and hung it up before murmuring her goodbyes with a perfunctory bow. Eager to get away from their hungry eyes, Hinata took hold of Sasuke's sleeve and pulled him along with her out onto the street. Once there, she let out a soft breath.
"Oh!" She started to let go of Sasuke's sleeve, an apology on her lips, but found her hand caught in a much larger one. Hinata looked up only to be ensnared by Sasuke's bottomless eyes. For a second, she thought he might hold her hand the way he had the other night.
Instead, after a gentle squeeze, Sasuke let go. Hinata's hand stayed suspended in the air for a moment before the action caught up to her. She dropped her hand awkwardly, wishing she had worn her coat. Her long-sleeved shirt and flak jacket combo was well suited for the springtime weather, but harder to hide away in.
They fell into step naturally and though Hinata was conscious of each time their arms brushed, any awkwardness she was feeling was overtaken by the comfortable silence as they walked towards the hospital.
That was the thing about Sasuke, Hinata mused, even when he was making her heart race, he had a way of instilling a deep sense of comfort in her.
When he put himself in her space, when he said things that made her feel tender, when he touched her…it wasn't done blithely or in ignorance. It was comforting to know that it meant something. Everything Sasuke did, he did with intent.
And now she knew, in no uncertain terms, what that intent was.
There was a comfort in that too. In the knowing.
No need to obsess over every little gesture or, conversely, to tell herself not to read into anything the way she'd done in the past.
Of course, Sasuke and Naruto were very different people. Hinata shouldn't compare.
Her conversation with Kurenai was still fresh in her mind and Hinata told herself to let go and live in the moment without a sense of fear or guilt ruling her emotions.
Glancing at Sasuke out of the corners of her eyes, Hinata saw that he had an air of contentment around him. And though Hinata still felt confused about what to do, the sight had her smiling faintly as well. She'd been nervous about seeing him again after last time, but now that it was happening the nerves had turned to a sort of fluttery excitement.
Hinata allowed herself to bask in the feeling brought from just being near him.
Directing her gaze forward again, Hinata noticed that they no longer attracted stares the way they had some months ago. Perhaps the villagers had gotten used to their friendship over time. Or perhaps they were too preoccupied with recent events to care.
They reached the hospital without incident and Hinata thought Sasuke would leave her there, but he continued to accompany her inside.
"Um…Sasuke-kun, I thought you had an evening patrol shift?" Hinata asked unsurely as they took the hallway leading to Fujiwara's room.
Sasuke made a noise of agreement.
"Then…?"
"I don't like you being near him," Sasuke said shortly.
Hinata took a second to digest this. "Fujiwara-san is a civilian. I'm in no danger," she pointed out.
"The people that might come for him aren't civilians."
"But you weren't thinking about them…were you?"
Sasuke stopped. They'd reached Fujiwara's room. "It's not rational," he admitted after a moment.
Hinata tilted her head to the side, studying Sasuke's face with gentle eyes. "Feelings rarely are."
"I don't doubt that you can take care of yourself," he told her.
And Hinata had known that, but hearing him say it out loud still eased her heart. "Thank you."
Sasuke's frown lost some of its edge. "Don't thank me for that," he scolded.
Hinata suppressed a smile. "Sorry."
Sasuke let out an exasperated sigh. "Don't apologize," he said. Then he narrowed his eyes. "I know what you're doing."
Hinata simply blinked her eyes innocently.
Sasuke reached out and Hinata awaited the feeling of his fingers gently running through her hair, but it didn't come. Instead his hand went to the base of her head and Hinata felt a tug. In a slow, drawn out move, Sasuke released her hair from the loose ponytail she'd forgotten to take out after her shift at the community center. Hinata stared up at him, almost oblivious to the feeling of her hair falling down her back. Sasuke's face was so close to hers, but he didn't seem to notice, focused on the task at hand. Meanwhile Hinata couldn't seem to notice anything else.
Pulling his hand back, Sasuke held up the hair tie between his thumb and forefinger. Hinata blinked once, twice, before going to accept it.
Suddenly the door snapped open and Hinata jerked backwards. Sasuke, for his part, didn't move, but Hinata had put enough distance between them on her own.
"Hinata," Ino greeted. Blue eyes slid to the side to take in Sasuke suspiciously. "And Sasuke-kun too for some reason." She glanced back and forth. "The two of you…I still don't get it at all," she commented. It would be a kind interpretation to say that Ino hadn't meant for Hinata and Sasuke to hear.
An embarrassed pink washed over Hinata's face while Sasuke's expression was an impressive mix of bored and annoyed.
Willing away her blush, Hinata chose to ignore the statement. "I'm here to take over the watch."
"Good, because I'm ready for bed," Ino declared, massaging her neck with one hand. "And with you taking the night shift, Sakura better take herself and her big forehead home to sleep. Otherwise those bags under her eyes will become permanent."
Hinata, too, hoped Sakura would take the opportunity to rest. "Did the session with Fujiwara-san go well?" she asked.
Ino heaved a big sigh. "It's like talking to a rock. Good thing that never bothered me." She winked at Sasuke who purposefully directed his gaze to the wall. Ino only laughed. Then, face growing serious, she added, "Actually, I was thinking…with your similar backgrounds, he might have an easier time opening up with you."
Lips twisting into a scowl, Sasuke spat out, "No chance in hell."
He was still glaring at the wall and so hadn't realized that Ino had turned to Hinata until she clarified. "Self-centered much? I wasn't talking to you."
Sasuke's head snapped back towards them, mouth open as if to shout. Before he could, Hinata spoke. "Me?" she asked, wide-eyed.
Sasuke looked at Hinata and then, though it seemed like it pained him, spoke in a controlled manner. "What could Hinata possibly have in common with him?"
Ino made a face at Sasuke. "Well, Fujiwara, he grew up isolated and lonely, with a troubled home life," she explained impatiently. "He was surrounded by a family that hated him —" She stopped abruptly, eyes widening and jumping to Hinata. "I mean —"
Hinata felt her heart sink. Then suddenly Ino's face was obscured by the black of Sasuke's cloak.
"They really let you into people's minds?" Sasuke ground out.
Ino looked torn between being offended and apologetic before ultimately landing on apologetic. "Ah, Hinata, I didn't mean it like that…"
Hinata inched around Sasuke's protective figure, hand pushing past his cloak to touch his arm. There was no visible change, but Hinata felt some of the tension leave his body. "It's fine," she told Ino, pasting on a weak smile. "I understand what you mean. I'll think about it."
Ino was looking between Hinata and Sasuke again, but this time with a small frown creasing the skin between her eyebrows. Then her face cleared as if she'd never had such an expression. "Thanks, Hinata. I'll head out now. Might go drag Sakura out by her hair." With a flip of her long blond hair, she strode off.
Neither of them turned to watch her go. Spinning around, Sasuke's eyes roved over Hinata's face.
"She's not wrong," Hinata said lightly.
Sasuke's lips curled downwards. "I want to say you should get angry at things like that, but it wouldn't suit you," he said. This time when he reached out, he did glide his fingers through her hair. "So I'll get angry for you."
Hinata's smile turned into something more real.
There were undoubtedly things Hinata wanted to change about herself, but it was demoralizing when people around her seemed to suggest she upend her entire personality. It made her wonder if every aspect of her was so undesirable that no one could fathom her wanting to keep some of herself intact.
It brought to mind her night out drinking with the girls and their input on how to deal with Naruto's busy schedule. That Hinata should assert herself, demand what she wanted, kick in his office door if she had to. Act like somebody else.
Realizing she'd gotten lost in her thoughts, Hinata blinked, eyes clearing to take in the boy in front of her. "Um, Sasuke-kun…when do you finish patrol?"
"Five. Why?"
There was a half-formed idea in her mind. "I was wondering…if you'd like to walk home together?" Hinata asked hopefully. She ducked her head slightly, but kept her eyes on him.
Sasuke cocked his head to the side. He didn't smile, but he looked pleased somehow. "Meet me at the gates when you're done."
The last time Hinata had seen Fujiwara Minoru, he'd been near death, his blood staining her hands. That had been about a month ago. While he certainly no longer had any visible injuries and seemed closer to a healthy weight, his brown eyes were still dull. When Hinata entered the room, they darted over to her and almost seemed to spark before going flat again. By the time she was politely introducing herself, Fujiwara was back to staring at the wall.
The shift passed uneventfully. Hinata had brought along her knitting needles and yarn, wiling away the hours knitting a pair of mittens for Hanabi, which, given the weather, Hinata would likely have to wait until next autumn to gift. But it was a good way to pass the time while still being able to keep alert and aware of the surroundings. Hinata had picked up the hobby on Team Eight's many reconnaissance missions.
Fujiwara had already eaten dinner before Hinata's arrival and seemed uninterested in doing anything except boring a hole though the wall with his eyes. When she'd asked if he wanted the lights off so he could sleep, he'd sent her a strange look, but then his expression had returned to indifference and he'd left the question unanswered.
Eventually Fujiwara did fall asleep despite the lights. Hinata thought about turning them off, but he hadn't requested it and so she left them alone. A nightmare seemed to disturb his sleep some time after midnight. Hinata had paused in her knitting on her seat in the corner and waited for him to settle. Only when his face cleared of its troubled expression did she pick up the movements of her needles again.
As it was nearing five in the morning, Hinata packed away her knitting and got to her feet. Byakugan activated, she saw the ANBU guard on the rooftop, staff milling around the hospital, a vending machine at the end of the hallway, Sakura walking through the hospital entrance and a flock of birds landing on the trees in the courtyard.
Hinata met Sakura outside the hospital room. The pink haired kunoichi seemed better rested, which eased Hinata's heart. Their conversation was brief with Hinata reporting on Fujiwara's status and Sakura taking the information in silently and then thanking Hinata with a tentative smile. Hinata worriedly studied the slight redness in Sakura's eyes and the pillow lines on her forehead before settling on the Byakugō no In. It was such a masterful seal, so small and yet so powerful. With her byakugan Hinata could see the hundreds of thin layers of chakra folded into that single point. A testament to Sakura's strength with an elegant design that complimented her beauty.
So different from the Hyuuga seal.
Hinata shook away the somber thought, realizing that Sakura had already taken her post in Fujiwara's room.
The veins distinguishing her kekkei genkai were still raised as Hinata started down the hallway to the vending machine. There was another woman picking out a drink and it took a moment for Hinata to place her through the lens of her dōjutsu.
Though Hinata tried her best not to sneak up on the iryō-nin, adding more weight to her usually light footsteps, Io still made a loud noise of surprise upon catching sight of her.
"Ah! Hinata-san!"
Hinata mumbled an apology. She was aware of the discomfited expression on Io's face as the other woman avoided looking straight at Hinata's kekkei genkai. Though Sakura was now watching over Fujiwara, rather than deactivating her dōjutsu to placate Io, Hinata chose to politely avert her gaze.
In black and white, Fujiwara's chest rose and fell steadily in his room, a mechanical arm picked up a can of coffee, Sakura was reading through some papers, a janitor was mopping the adjacent hallway.
The can of coffee rolled sluggishly out of the vending machine and Io wasted no time in snapping it open and taking a large gulp. "I needed that. They stuck me with all of Mayumi-san's shift since she quit," she complained.
Hinata blinked. "Mayumi-san quit?"
"Yeah. A couple days ago. Didn't even bother to do it in person," Io said with the air of a seasoned gossip. "And Genji's been unbearable to deal with! I don't know how Mayumi-san put up with him. He's so terrible at his job, I heard the only reason he got it was because of Mayumi-san."
"Mm." Hinata didn't know how to react to this. Fortunately, Io wasn't looking for much of a response, too caught up in her venting.
"And after what happened at the succession party, we've had so many people coming in convinced that they were poisoned or ingested something dangerous — all false alarms of course. But we can't turn them away, so we have to go through all the routine questions and tests."
Eyeing the vending machine, Hinata wondered if it would be rude to use it while Io was talking or if she should wait until the conversation ended.
"What's worse is I didn't even get to see Sasuke-kun at the party! I was looking forward to seeing him in a kimono. You're so lucky to be close with him." Io sighed. She then got a sly look on her face. "There's some rumours that you're...very close with him. Is that true, Hinata-san?" Io didn't wait for an answer. "It can't be, right? What with Naruto-san and all. Jumping between the village heroes is a bit…"
At a loss for words Hinata turned her gaze to Io. When her byakugan met Io's brown eyes, the other woman flinched back.
"I was just kidding," Io said with a false giggle. "I know it's not true. Besides, everyone knows Sakura-san has her eye on Sasuke-kun and it's no use competing against her. She's Tsunade-sama's star student for a reason."
Hinata frowned. Though she was taken aback, she felt the need to speak up. "Something like this…it's not a competition," she said quietly and a little unsurely. "I think…people naturally tend to see things through their own perspective. Our own wants and goals colour our perception, making it easy to misunderstand someone or to overlook their wants in the pursuit of our own fulfilment." As she spoke, Hinata's voice grew more confident. "I hope you can look at Sasuke-kun and truly see him. As more than an object to compete over." She paused. As the veins on Hinata's temples faded away, Io's fatigue came into focus, reminding Hinata of Sakura. "Also...I hope that you would look at Sakura-san as more than a competitor."
Stepping forward, Hinata pushed some coins into the vending machine and made her selection. The machine whirred to life and deposited her drink through the bottom slot. Hinata did this a few more times until she had a few cans stored in her bag. Then she bowed to a stunned Io and left.
The sun hadn't yet risen and so Hinata made her way to the village gates in the twilight. Sasuke was there waiting for her looking unaffected by the night patrol shift.
"Sasuke-kun," Hinata said in greeting. Sasuke straightened, inclining his head in return. "Are you all done? Do you need to report to Hokage-sama?"
"I sent a clone," Sasuke replied.
Hinata made a sound of understanding. They walked at a sedate pace. Sasuke appeared to be deep in thought so Hinata left him to it, content in their silent companionship. When they reached a crossroad Hinata paused. At Sasuke's quirked brow, she tilted her head in question and he nodded in the affirmative. They turned the corner, eventually coming to the playground Hinata used to visit as a child and, most recently, where she had gone after drinks with the girls.
Hinata hesitated, glancing between the swing set and a bench. Before she could make up her mind, Sasuke strode forward and took a seat on one of the swings. He was a bit too big for it and Hinata bit back a smile.
Taking the other swing, Hinata set her bag on the ground between them, opening it and gesturing to the contents. Sasuke peered in curiously before shooting her a look.
"Um, I figured Sasuke-kun hasn't tried many drink flavours, so I got a few."
Fishing through the bag, Sasuke held up one of the cans. "You hate canned green tea."
"Well, I wouldn't say hate exactly…" Hinata murmured. "But you like it."
Sasuke didn't respond, but Hinata knew she was right. After examining the cans, he said, "You pick."
"Oh!" It was Hinata's turn to rummage through her bag, even though she'd been the one to buy the drinks in the first place. Finally she pulled two out, brows furrowed in concentration as she considered them. "Here." She held out one, looking up in time to catch the tail end of a smirk on Sasuke's face.
When Sasuke took the can, their fingers brushed and Hinata tried her best not to hyperfocus on the momentary graze of skin. It didn't work, by the time she came to, Sasuke was already taking a sip from the can. She watched his face carefully for a reaction, but he was as unreadable as ever.
"Is it good?" Hinata asked.
"Mm." Sasuke took another sip. "Less sweet than other lemonade."
Hinata smiled, pleased. "It's more of a lemon juice than lemonade. There's no artificial sweetener, just a little honey." She opened the other can in her hand. "Would you like to try some?"
Sasuke acquiesced and then immediately grimaced, shoving the can back.
Giggling, Hinata accepted the drink and took a sip of her own. "I was unsure of this one. Ameyu has flavours that you like, but I was worried it might be too overpowering for your tastes." Noticing Sasuke staring at the can in her hands, Hinata asked, "Did you want more?"
Sasuke's eyes dragged up from the can of ameyu to stop at Hinata's lips. After a long moment, he met her eyes with a slight smirk. "No."
Feeling the familiar rush of heat to her cheeks, Hinata averted her gaze to the sky, a low chuckle from beside her accompanying the movement.
They sat like that for a while, leisurely drinking from their respective cans. The sun started to creep up over the horizon and Hinata stared, captivated by the beautiful sight. Sneaking a peek at the boy next to her, Hinata admired the way the orange rays gave a warm glow to Sasuke's pale skin. Although his one eye remained impervious to the sunlight, the rinnegan peeking through his bangs reflected it brilliantly. Then his gaze moved from the sky to her and though she perhaps should have been embarrassed to be caught staring, Hinata was too at peace to do anything but smile.
Sasuke looked back at her with a depth of emotion he rarely allowed to be seen. "Hinata," he started, uncharacteristically hesitant, "What Ino said about your childhood…will you tell me about it?"
The smile slipped off Hinata's face. Her first instinct was to say something to downplay it, but she was reluctant to be less than truthful with Sasuke. There was no second instinct. With a start, Hinata realized that no one had ever asked her this before.
Being the first Sōke Hyuuga to enter the academy had sprouted many accurate rumours. Hinata's status as a failure spread across Konoha before her first day had even finished. For a long time she hadn't had any friends who might inquire about her home life and by the time she did her circumstances were well known enough that they tactfully didn't request details. After the first chunin exams, it was one of those things that was understood in their circle; no need to further dig into it. Even Kurenai hadn't asked Hinata directly, having experienced her father firsthand.
Hinata had never had to actually spell out the reality of her early childhood. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't know how. She'd never liked the feeling of being a burden and pouring out her life story unprompted felt like the epitome of that. After all, everyone had hardships, many greater than her own. Maybe if someone asked, it would feel less self-centered for her to talk about it, but no one ever had.
Until now.
"Why?" she asked, voice a whisper.
"Because I want to know. I want to know everything about you." There was an earnestness in his voice that made Hinata's heartbeat quicken.
And surprisingly, Hinata found that she wanted to tell him. Not out of a sense of fairness because Sasuke had shared his darkest memories with her, but because she believed him when he said he wanted to know her. And because, Hinata realized, she wanted to be known by him.
The sincerity and care in his eyes were unmistakable.
It came out haltingly and disjointed. The high expectations, the spars with her father that felt like punishment, the dissatisfaction of her tutors. The heartbreak of her mother's death, the guilt of her uncle's, the desolation of Neji's hatred. The reprieve of her baby sister's affection tainted by competition. The disastrous introduction to the Hyuuga council, the sneers of the Sōke, the resentment of the Bunke.
Sasuke took it all in, waiting patiently when she stuttered or trailed off and asking thought-provoking questions when she cut herself off. Frequently his expression would harden, only to soften again when she met his eyes. When her throat grew hoarse, he handed her a can of coffee, his gaze on her never faltering even as her own sometimes dropped to the ground in shame. At some point he had taken her hand in his, thumb stroking a comforting rhythm against her skin.
Hinata's past was a wound she had bandaged hurriedly and then never dared to unwrap to see how it had healed. There was vulnerability in assessing it now with an audience, but Sasuke made Hinata feel safe.
The sun had fully risen by the time Hinata finished talking, its rays warming her exposed skin had nothing on the warmth exuding from Sasuke's eyes. And with the way her body reacted to the emotion in his eyes, it dawned on Hinata that this was not just shallow infatuation.
A SasuHina heart to heart! They're reaching new levels of emotional intimacy.
Thanks as always to everyone who is still reading ^^
MVH