The Fate franchise is the creation and intellectual property of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.

Kono Subarashii Sekai Ni Shukufuku Wo! is the creation and intellectual property of Akatsuki Natsume and Mishima Kurone.

Tales as Old as Time.

I woke up with a start, under white sheets covering me up to my mother sat by my bedside, with a neutral expression on. "Ah," she said blandly. "You're back."

"Back?" I repeated, with everything still feeling like a confusing blur. The last thing I remembered was facing the Demon Lord with Aqua, Megumin and Darkness, and then...

Was it all a dream? All of it, seriously?

"How long have I been comatose?" I asked.

Mother shrugged while a nurse and a doctor came by apathetically. "Two weeks..."

Two weeks. That can't be right. I'd spent months in that other world, around a year. Surely my body would be rotting by now, wouldn't it...?

Then I caught a sniff of myself and winced. Ugh. I was rotting after all.

Mother stood up and began walking away as the doctor took my pulse.

"Mom, wait," I said.

She stopped. "Yes, Kazuma?"

"Is it true that you and Dad laughed after learning how I was ran over?"

She stopped, stiffening in place.

"No... Of course not," she said, just as rigid in tone, and then left the room quickly.

You can't fool me, woman. Damn, you're cold.

I left the hospital soon enough, and I went back to my usual life. I had even less reasons to leave my room now.

I tried not to think too hard about the three idiots, or about anyone else back there. It's not that it would hurt or anything, but... What was the point?

I gained some weight. Why wouldn't I? I didn't need to fight for my life anymore. And things were better this way.

After half a year, one day, I felt like going out again. Maybe because no one else was doing it anymore, what with the virus crap and all. I walked without a compass through the mostly empty city, wandering in silence, and then I saw three women standing at a corner, discussing among them.

A tall blonde one, a blue haired one, and a small, young one with short brown hair. They looked at me and blinked.

I chuckled. "Ah, of course," I said, folding my arms. "I should've known! You'd get yourselves killed sooner than later, you idiots!"

Aqua smiled at me. "Just lok at yourself, Hikikoneet. You're fat as a pig."

Saber.

True Name: Satou Kazuma.

Other Names and Aliases: Kazuma the Brute, Scumzuma, Kazutrash, Hikikoneet, Billionaire Adventurer, Hiki-NEET, Loli-NEET, Panty Stealing Devil, Crapuma, Pedo-NEET.

Alternate Classes: Archer.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral.

Attribute: Human.

Gender: Male.

Natural Enemy: Kirigaya Kazuto, Natsuki Subaru.

Parameters:

Strenght: C

Endurance: B

Agility: B

Magic/Mana: C

Luck: A++

Noble Phantasm: B

Likes: Big breasts, lazing around.

Dislikes: Stupid and useless people.

First Ascension: Kazuma stands with a wicked smirk, clothed in his adventurer outfit. This is made of a gold-trimmed green mantle, white shirt, pants, and leather boots. His short sword is tucked on his belt.

Final Ascension: Kazuma's right leg sticks out of the mouth of a giant green toad which has otherwise swallowed him whole. The sky above them is bright and starkly radiant blue.

Biography:

A nobody. Satou Kazuma was a nobody. In junior high, his childhood sweetheart left him for a delinquent upperclassman, and Kazuma turned into a shut-in, only leaving his room to go buy videogames.

During one of said outings, he saw a girl about to be hit by a truck, and he was hit by it, sacrificing himself. Except because it wasn't a truck but a slow moving tractor, the girl never awas in danger, and he died from cowardly shock.

His soul met the blue-haired goddess Aqua, who mocked him and offered him three options: going to a Heaven where he would get bored, be reborn as a baby on Earth and take his chances at a new life, or be taken with all his memories to a fantasy world to fight the Demon King. He could take one weapon of his choice there.

Satou, a fantasy game fan, chose Aqua as his weapon. She was horrified but Heaven was all too happy to pawn her on Kazuma.

Kazuma set out to become a hero, but soon he grew disillusioned with the nature of that fantasy realm, and he sought to just look for an easy life after earning enough money. But to do that, he had to establish his own career as an adventurer. Kazuma and Aqua were soon joined by Megumin, a young and very chuuni mage from the Crimson Demons clan, and Darkness, a perverted and masochistic female knight in armor. Slowly, both of these disturbed and troubled ladies fell in love with Kazuma.

After many demented adventures, Kazuma sacrificed his life to kill the Demon King, but he returned with his acquired skills. And he married Megumin. He kept on being kind of a scumbag, though.

Class Skills:

Riding: D

He could ride a bicycle. He's never tried horses, but he might be able to ride one if taught.

Overall he was too poor to buy himself horses or a chariot. Look at 'Other Classes'. Do you see 'Rider' there? You don't, do you? If he had Riding, why wouldn't he be a Rider in the first place?

Dragons and phantasmal beasts? You are doing this on purpose, are not you?

Magic Resistance: D

The resistance to spells achieved by the Servant, at best, amounts to that provided by a good amulet.

He trumped several much more powerful magic users in life, but he didn't do it by tanking their magic, but by outsmarting them. What are you, an idiot? Why would you try blocking spells with your body? Is Saber the class of imbeciles who need protection because they are too dumb to avoid magic flung at them?

Personal Skills:

Steal: A

Kazuma's first and most often used magic skill, one he developed from seeing Chris the thief (secretly the goddess Eris in disguise!) in action. He rushes at the opponent, too far for them to stop him, and swipes a random item from them. Saber has no idea what will he steal, and relies on his Luck to score a favorable bounty. When he deals with women, he most often will end up just stealing their panties. If facing men or no-pan women, or he is under a circumstance where he needs a lucky hit to survive combat he will steal the most valuable item the enemy has on them, generally speaking.

Even Noble Phantasms can be stolen as long as they are small and light enough for Saber to carry. Saber cannot use them himself, though. In turn, the Servant he has stolen from cannnot just summon any weapons back from them, and so they will need to be taken from him by force.

Adventurer Magical Skill Set: A

The spell based variant of Expert of Many Specialties.

As an Adventurer, he only could learn the most basic spells from every other class, and he was encouraged to change into another class, but since his loyal companions were overspecialized and often useless, he needed to remain a Jack of All Trades, master of none. Even so, he could do a lot with the basic spells he was taught; he thought outside the box with them, and that remains even now, as a Saber Servant.

The spells he has learned include, but are not limited to:

Cooking. He can deliver masterful meals worthy of the best conoisseurs.

Sacred Create Water. A spell copied from Aqua. He can manifest a massive or small amount from the humidity in the air, and attack with it.

Life Drain. The spell of a Lich, acquired from Whiz the former disciple of the dark overlord. He can absorb the life energies and mana from others and infuse his own being with said mana. He won't use it on innocents unless forced by command seals, but bastards are fair game in his opinion.

Enemy Detected. The capacity to detect hidden enemies, even if they are not Servants. It also can break through C ranked Presence Concealment, or lesser ranks of that skill.

Freeze. What do you think this is for, genius?

Smithing. A basic form of sword forging. It can be used to produce average swords for himself and others, but never legendary ones.

Wind Breath. Creates bursts of attack wind.

Fire Ball. Currently under lawsuit of Caster Lina Inverse.

In life, he also learned Explosion, but as a Servant, every time he is summoned he will block himself from being able to perform it. This is so Megumin does not feel outstaged and redundant if she is summoned as well.

Innocent Monster: C

His legend has been exaggerated by time a little, perhaps rendering him slightly more apt than he was in life.

This doesn't affect how he acts in terms of personality, but his overall performance while fighting, so he is of more use on the battlefield.

In addition to his traditional Western sword, which now can shoot small energy blasts as in some videogame based on his exploits, he has a katana, named Chunchunmaru by Megumin, but he cannot use it himself. Not because he doesn't know how to, but he has a block on it from fortune. He can lend it to others but he hates doing so.

Disengage: B

He can flee easily, with the experience provided by many angry mobs running after his team. There is no cowardice involved, only self preservation.

Noble Phantasm:

Spouse of the Crimson Demon Explosion Mistress Megumin- A Chuuni Legend of Love for Explosions in this Wonderful World: A

Anti-Army.

Up to 100 enemies at a time.

Kazuma's best class is Archer. He fights better with a bow, from a distance, than in close quarters combat, where he is more vulnerable and clumsy, prone to just grabbing the chest of women or slipping. Yet, as a team player who never could be far from his teammates despite his irritation about them, he lacks enough Independent Action, and most of the time he defaults to Saber.

But as a last resort trump card, he can briefly manifest an aspect of an Archer, and despite his usual reservations about stealing Megumin's Explosion, he can display a variant born from her love for him.

"If it's this way... it's okay, isn't it? Aw, nuts."

Kazuma starts casting Bow to summon his, well, his bow. Then he charges an arrow with Explosion and shoots it with Snipe. The projectile is devastating to its targets, causing a huge ranged mushroom of white hot energy, at the end of which there is a smoking crater. But it only can be used once a day, as it consumes too much mana and Saber faints after pulling it off.

Start of Battle:

"Saber, the great hero of legend! You can start running away now! No, for real, you should!"

"Another day, another job I didn't want!"

"If I could, I'd be praying now!"

"Breathe in and out... slowly... you've been in worse messes before..."

"This is the life of a paladin, uh!"

Attack:

"Tagged you!"

"Gotcha!"

"Easier than I thought!"

"Piece of cake!"

"Slice and dice you like pizza!"

Damage:

"Pick on someone your own size!"

"Can't we talk this through?"

"This sucks!"

"It hurts!"

"Y-You won't make me beg like a little girl!"

Damage by Noble Phantasm: "I never could learn that magic!"

Victory:

"Don't let anyone call you a loser. That's my job, hear?"

"What a beating! Darkness would envy you!"

"Life gave me a break? That doesn't happen often!"

"How much will I be paid?"

"Why don't I feel satisfied?"

Defeat:

"This isn't so bad. I'll see Eris again?"

"This is Aqua's fault somehow!"

"Why these things always happen to me!"

"Just my luck!"

"Ow, ow..."

Summon: "Servant Adventurer, summoned from another world! Hey, you have an intelligent face! Finally things are looking up, no way you can be as dumb as- Uh? Lemme check, I'm not an Adventurer class anymore!? Saber! That's much better, Sabers are supposed to be awesome! Whoo hoo, now I'm pumped up!"

Noble Phantasm Activation:

"Bow! This is for you, Megumin... Snipe! Aaaaaaaaaand... EXPLOSION!"

Extra Dialogue:

"That stupid punchable face... That smug 'I get much better girls than you' smile... Who is that guy, I hate him already!" (When you have Saber Kirito).

"Now this is a goddess! She can bless me any day she wants to!" (When you have Ruler Belldandy).

"... I'm getting annoying flashbacks of divine feminine incompetence..." (When you have Archer or Rider Ishtar, Caster Skuld, Caster Urd or Caster Ristarte).

"Orion the Hunter? Sorry, that name doesn't ring any bells. You were famous or something? Huh? The boyfriend of 'that' goddess!? Hoo, ho... I don't know what to say...! Sorry." (When you have Archer Super Orion).

Birthday: "It's your birthday? Great! Uh, sorry, I can't treat you to anything. I'm still paying Aqua's debts from the other world. What if you treat me instead? You're the Master, aren't you? Shouldn't you be the one to provide then?"

Event: "How bothersome... That looks like more trouble..."

Holy Grail: "I... I'd like to turn time back... to... before..."

He looked away from the Master and didn't finish the sentence. His silence was stubborn, and even though he stood with his back turned, Fujimaru Ritsuka could tell he was tightening his lips.

Ritsuka truly felt sorry for him.

Next: The Sakura Wars, as a matter of fact, are not wars declared between Greece and Troy over the kidnapping of Matou Sakura.