Chapter 6 - Albus
Albus sighed and ran a hand through his long white beard.
He didn't like telling Sirius and Remus they'd gone too far in not involving him with their decision about Wormtail, but they had to know how he felt about it.
He recalled what Sirius had said to him a few months ago. How he felt he had to do everything alone, how he couldn't be the only one who knew how to defeat Voldemort. Had he mentioned he thought Albus had a Merlin complex? The bloody cheek…
But he was right, Albus realised. He did feel he had to do things alone.
He wasn't going to make the same mistake he'd made before and let someone in.
He'd trusted Gellert Grindelwald. He'd shared everything with the boy. He'd never felt more understood and seen than the summer he'd spent at Godric's Hollow with him as a young man.
They'd both been so alive, so free, so clever…
Their plans for the world had been perfect and, Albus was sure of it, still the answer. But he'd been let down in sharing it once before. That couldn't happen again.
"Where have you been going?" Sirius Black asked, elbows propped on his knees and chin resting in his fists as he considered him across his desk.
Sirius had a habit of popping into Albus' office unannounced. He'd given up asking him not to. If he knew Sirius, and he did, he knew being told not to do something would probably only encourage him to do it more.
He sighed. "Must I really explain to you again? I'm looking for clues."
"Clues about what?"
"You know about what."
He's considered it more than generous that he'd shared with Sirius about his search for horcruxes. He hadn't told anyone else apart from Harry of course. In his opinion the fewer people who knew the better.
"Do you think I'm going to tell everyone you're on the hunt for Voldemort's soul?" Sirius asked impatiently.
"Well when you put it like that I certainly hope not."
"Why do you have to be so secretive?"
"I don't believe I am. I've told you, haven't I?"
"Why can't we help you then?"
"You have enough to do for the Order."
"Does hunting Voldemort's soul not count as work for the Order? Let us get on with minor things like spying on death eaters while you go after what really counts? You're killing my soul here, Albus."
Albus did his best not to smile. Sirius had always done this to him. Won him over with humour like this.
It was the same in his Hogwarts days. He remembered the first time the boy had been sent to see him (with his best friend James Potter, naturally).
The two of them had released a cage of Cornish Pixies in the great hall and Minerva, having had just about enough of their troublemaking, had reported them both to the headmaster.
"Hello boys. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He'd smiled politely at them, though of course he knew exactly why they were there. One of the pixies had gone flying into the rafters with his purple hat as he tried to finish his steak and kidney pie. How Minerva had identified the exact students responsible was anyone's best guess.
"Well Professor McGonagall was a bit miffed about the whole pixie incident, sir." James explained apologetically.
'A bit miffed' was certainly putting it lightly. Albus had rarely seen the deputy head quite so angry.
"It did cause rather a spot of bother to sort out." Albus told the children. That was again putting it lightly. It had taken the combined efforts of Professors Flitwick, Sprout and McGonagall to gather up all the pixies and return them to the defence against the dark arts classroom. Professor Slughorn might have helped save for the fact that he remained under the staff table for the duration of the chaos.
"Why did you do it?" He asked the boys, wondering, as he always did with the students, if he might one day get a rational answer and not a garbled excuse for their wrongdoing.
"I don't really know." James said, frowning at Dumbledore and appearing to genuinely deliberate the question. "For fun, I suppose."
Well, at least he was honest.
"I see." Dumbledore said, frowning at him. "And do you think everyone in the great hall found your joke funny?"
"Well no of course they didn't sir." Sirius said, very nearly rolling his eyes. "You can't hold out for universal popularity or you'll never do anything in life. Some people are just going to detest whatever you do. You may as well have a laugh while they're busy hating you!"
Albus was so taken aback by the astuteness of the comment that he forgot to be angry.
"It's true though, isn't it?" Young Sirius continued. "Sure, we pissed off McGonagall. We might have irked a few prefects and maybe a member of staff or two. Sorry about your hat, sir. But I'm pretty sure we gave one or two people a laugh. And if you ask me life's so bloody miserable most of the time the only sensible thing to do is to make fun of it."
Putting aside the troubling idea that a child as young as this should find life so challenging, Albus had to admit he couldn't fault the logic.
"So if you were in my position, what would you do?" He asked the pair seriously.
"Probably have a swig of that firewhisky!" Sirius said, pointing enthusiastically at the drinks cabinet.
"I'd go into the forbidden forest!" James had said excitedly. "Surely it's not forbidden to you is it, sir?"
"I'll want you to apologise to Professor McGonagall." Albus said firmly. "And Professors Sprout and Flitwick." He paused for a minute, considering whether any other members of staff had been inconvenienced by the prank.
"Should we apologise to Professor Slughorn for disturbing his dinner? It can't have been easy for him to eat under the table…"
"No, that will not be necessary." Albus said quickly, admiring Sirius' ability to note where the fourth head of house was in the chaos-resolving activity at the same time as he was causing the very chaos in need of being resolved.
"OK, just the three then. Oh and apologies to you too, sir." Sirius said, surprising Albus by offering him his hand. How could anyone so young be so… not so young.
"Apology accepted." Albus said, taking his proffered hand. "But please don't do it again or I'll be forced to think up a punishment and quite honestly I don't have the creativity or the wherewithal."
"Sounds like a fair request." James said, grinning at him too.
And that had been James and Sirius.
They hadn't changed all that much really as the years went by. They were just as brash, cocky and unfazed by authority in their days in the original Order of the Phoenix and now, as a man in his mid-thirties, Sirius Black still had the just the same ability to disarm Albus with his… how would one describe it exactly?
"I know exactly what you're thinking."
Dumbledore was startled quickly out of his reverie by the young man watching him shrewdly.
He rubbed his temples. "I doubt it, Sirius. You've never been much of a legilimens."
"You're wondering how to fob me off with another excuse so I can't go looking for horcruxes with you."
Maybe this was what he found so disarming about Sirius. He never seemed afraid to say exactly what was on his mind.
"That wasn't what was on my mind, in fact." He told him somewhat irritably.
Much as he liked Sirius, he really would rather be left in peace right now. Now how to find an excuse to fob him off…
The door to his office suddenly burst open.
"Albus! I want a word!"
It was Snape. His robes were billowing and he appeared to be in a towering temper. He froze instantly however on recognising Sirius in the office too.
Albus felt his heart sink as the two arch enemies came face to face. He could never understand why after so many years the pair still insisted on loathing one another. Didn't it get exhausting?
Snape raised a shaky hand to point at Sirius. "YOU!" He yelled, and Fawkes gave an alarmed cry from his perch. Snape moved forwards as if to throttle Sirius, who moved forwards too, fists raised defensively. "You good-for-nothing, worthless, interfering bast-"
"Severus!" Albus said, moving quickly between the two men. "Sirius." He said, turning to the other man, who took a reluctant step back. "What's all this about?"
"You know perfectly well what it's about!" Snape yelled. His voice would soon be out of hearing frequency. "That… traitor sold me out!"
"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist, Snivellus, it's not that big a deal. Wormtail was there, what was the harm in asking him?"
"I'm the spy you dunderheaded pillock!"
"Oh, are you? I completely forgot."
Albus wondered how much of Sirius' words were sarcasm and how much was genuine truth. He had been seriously disappointed when he and Remus had instructed Wormtail to spy on the death eaters for them. Had they really both forgotten about Severus Snape?
"In my defence, Albus, it's an easy mistake to make. He's not been at any Order meetings for weeks. Maybe I just assumed he got bored and switched sides."
Snape raised his wand and pointed it at him. "I am SICK and tired of being accused of supporting Voldemort." He said, his face a twisted blotchy red. "You've got no idea Black. You think it's all a laugh, it's all a game to you, isn't it? Well some of us take life seriously. And I take my job as a spy for the Order seriously. If you don't, well… I'm disappointed you're still here frankly." He turned an accusatory face towards Albus who sighed.
"Severus, shouting won't do anyone any good. What's done is done. Now we must work together to mitigate the consequences."
"I knew you'd take his side." Severus said with a derisive snort. "You've always been the same. You and everyone bloody else. Why am I the only one who can see what Sirius Black is really like?!"
"Your capacity for deductive observation is admirable, Snivellus." Sirius said dryly. "It's one of the many qualities that makes you such an unforgettable spy. Sorry, did I say un-forgettable?"
"That's not helpful, Sirius." Albus said. He turned back to Snape. "Severus, I will discuss this matter with you privately."
"And let me guess. All you did was congratulate Black. He messes up and gets rewarded for it. Again."
Albus knew Severus was possibly thinking of the incident with the whomping willow in the boys' fifth year. He certainly hadn't rewarded Sirius for that, but he knew Snape considered anything less than expulsion not severe enough.
He knew in his heart of hearts he should have expelled Sirius for what he'd done at the age of sixteen, but how could he have? If he'd expelled him he wouldn't have had a chance. He'd have either caved to his family's pressure or he'd have taken matters into his own hands and gone off trying to fight Voldemort untrained and unqualified. Albus wasn't sure which fate would have been worse. Although he had to admit what had happened to the man after leaving school wasn't much better.
"I haven't rewarded anyone for anything." Albus told Severus. "Neither of you are at Hogwarts anymore." Of course this wasn't technically true, but he didn't expect the men to argue semantics with him. "I want you both to put your schoolboy grudge behind you. And any immature jibes with it."
"Snivellus can't leave Hogwarts." Sirius said viciously. "You're the only one patient enough to put up with his idiocy, Albus."
"That's enough." Albus said firmly, very nearly losing his patience with the pair of them. "Sirius, if there's nothing else you've got to say please leave. Severus, you may have ten minutes of my time, but no more. Believe it or not gentlemen, I have other things to be getting on with than Order business right now."
That was certainly true. Professors Vector and Slughorn had had another row and he needed to mediate between the two men. Professor Sprout was requesting funding for a rare kind of flutterby bush being bred on the west coast of America and Hagrid had accidentally upset Professor Trelawney again by being too complimentary about Firenze, the other divination teacher this year.
"Cheers, Albus." Sirius said, casting a withering look at Severus before making his way over to the fireplace.
"Goodbye." Albus told him, before turning to the other man.
Whatever Severus might say to the contrary, Albus didn't have favourites.
He respected and admired Severus Snape very much. He knew how much the man risked by consenting to be the 'official' spy for the Order.
Underneath all his (quite understandable) bitterness Albus knew he was a good man. He was driven by love. That was his primary motivator. And that was something Albus trusted more than anything else.
He'd had many conversations with Severus over the year about the death eater activity and, particularly, the task poor Draco Malfoy had been asked to carry out.
Albus had to admit to being concerned. Not for his own welfare. He'd meant what he'd said to Sirius the other day. He had no fear of death. No, his concern was for Draco himself.
"We must be cautious." He told Severus one day early into the term. "If Voldemort suspects I know of the task Draco has been given…" he left the threat hanging. Murdering a sixteen year old for no reason other than because Albus might know what his plans were was certainly something Tom Riddle might do.
Albus remembered Tom well from Hogwarts. He'd always been somewhat wary of the boy, who had shown an unusual lack of empathy and capacity for cruelty at a very young age, but even he had to admit to being surprised at the depths of depravity to which his ex-student had sunk.
There was no going back for Tom Riddle. Feeling the remorse for what he'd done would not be possible for him. The only thing left to do was to limit the damage he was increasingly wrecking across the country. And try and save as many innocent lives as possible.
"We will keep Draco safe." Albus told Severus, though he certainly had his concerns as to his ability to do this if Voldemort should wish him dead. "But for now we do and say nothing."
"You're asking too much of me, Albus." Severus said presently. "Bellatrix already suspects I am not faithful to the Dark Lord."
"Bellatrix trusts no one." Albus said, also remembering the witch from her school days. "She and Voldemort have that in common."
"What am I to do, Albus?" Severus said imploringly.
"You are doing it, my dear man." Albus told him gently. "You are doing wonderfully. And don't let anyone make you feel otherwise."
Satisfied that the two men were satisfied (at least as much as either ever could be while the other still existed), Albus busied himself with the various tasks required of him as headmaster.
Sirius had accused him of operating alone too much. Perhaps that was true, but really only he knew what needed to be done. He was sure he could defeat Voldemort. And he knew he could do it permanently, in a way that meant he would never return.
That was the difference between himself and others, he realised. Yes others believed in justice and fighting for the right thing, but very few really understood the darkness never really went until it was fully understood. People were frightened of Voldemort. Even members of the Order were still afraid to a degree. How could you truly understand that you feared going near, and how could you truly vanquish what you didn't understand?
His mind fell again on Severus and Sirius and he felt some of his irritation towards them melt. They were both good, brave men. Severus' love for Lily had overcome his fear of her killer, and Sirius… well, where should Albus begin with him?
Sirius' bravery had been obvious from the age of eleven, when he became the first Black in generations to be sorted into Gryffindor.
Albus recalled vividly his parents' reaction to the news. They'd sent howler after howler until Sirius, sick and tired of the whole thing, had come to Albus to ask his advice.
"If it means that much to them maybe I should just ask the hat to put me in Slytherin." He told the headmaster. "I thought I'd let the hat choose where I should go, but if I'd known my parents would be this worked up about it…" An odd shadow crossed his young face. "I still have to see them in the holidays after all." He said quietly.
Albus had considered the young boy across his desk. "And what good will that do?" He asked gently.
"Well they'd be happy then, wouldn't they?"
Albus wondered if eleven was too young an age to enlighten Sirius to the fact that his parents would quite likely never be happy.
"And what would that mean for you?"
"Well, a peaceful life I suppose." Sirius said, sighing and looking around the office miserably.
"Fine." Albus said, moving to the cupboard in his office and extracting the sorting hat. Of course it was nearly impossible to re-sort students once the hat had made its decision, but Sirius didn't need to know that.
"So, Slytherin you want? OK, put it on and ask it." And he handed the young boy the hat.
Sirius took it in his hands and looked down at it.
He looked back at Albus. His face was a crumpled wasteland of misery and despair. "I can't." He whispered.
And it was then, in that moment, that Albus knew just how strong his young student was. He'd watched in admiration as the boy had survived the next five years of abuse from his family, which he knew had got steadily worse as the years went on and he continued to refuse to submit. And then, aged sixteen, he'd left them behind for good.
How much courage does it take to leave behind your whole past? To move forwards in a world you have absolutely no understanding of or blueprint for? Well, he'd done it. And that surely made Sirius one of the bravest men Albus knew.
He took out the ring he'd found at the old Gaunt shack. He'd told Sirius he thought it contained a piece of Voldemort's soul. He'd told Harry the same too.
And then he wondered if perhaps there were others in the world who could see things the way he could. If there were people brave enough, unusual enough and curious enough to delve into the depths of Voldemort's psyche and truly learn how to vanquish him.
It wouldn't be spectacular, it wouldn't be dramatic. There would be no fanfare or furore. It would be really quite simple. But very effective.
And he wondered, for the first time since his friendship with Gellert Grindelwald, if he might possibly, at long last, work with another.
...
A/N: Well that was fun! Having thoroughly psychoanalysed Dumbledore, I think I'm now going to have to do the same with Snape. I promise I'll get our usual POVs back on track after that! (I think...)